Strangers Episode Guide
04 - Baby, You Can Drive My Car
First Air Date:
April 15, 1986
Nielsen Rating: 21.0 HH
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Chip Keyes & Doug Keyes
Directed by: Howard Storm
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Ernie Sabella: Mr. Twinkacetti
Lise Cutter: Susan Campbell
Eddie Barth: Examiner (Frank)
Appearances: This episode marks Dimitriís very first appearance in the
series! He has a very visible role as Balki holds him for comfort while
lamenting the fact he had an accident in Cousin Larryís car. Balki even
addresses him as Dimitri, so we learn the stuffed sheepís name from the
" . . . you lucky son of a goat."
"Oh, to get an official document like that must make you so aroused!"
" . . . you will give me my lesson in front of the wheel."
"Cousin Larry, I have been reading the manuel."
"You can fool some of the sheep all of the time but you canít fool some
of the sheep all of the time."
"Printed in Hicksville, New York, by somebody named Pat Pending."
"I may be nervous but I know my Gís and Uís."
"You made me stick with it when I was ready to throw up the towel."
ridiculous: Said three times.
used in this episode:
"Oh po po."
"Donít you ever, EVER do that again!"
Other running jokes
used in this episode:
Balki adhering to a Myposian custom
(in this case going far away and hiding his face in shame) (first time)
"In My Little Deuce Coupe" - performed by Balki when Larry offers to
teach him to drive
"America the Beautiful"- performed by Larry and Balki as Larry is
trying to encourage Balki to go for his driverís license
Balki gets his driver's license.
Dimitri is seen for the very first time.
- The title of this episode is the name of a
classic Beatles song.
- We learn in this episode that the country of Mypos only has one car.
- If you watch closely, you can see that one oil
can in the pyramid (the second from the left on the bottom) is suddenly pulled
backwards and off the table, which is what causes the pyramid to collapse.
To the credit of the special effects people, the string pulling the can is not
- The paper bags Larry carries into the apartment
are from Ralph's grocery store (known as Kroeger's in other parts of the
country). If you look closely you can see the name and logo have been
marked out with a black pen.
- The driving lesson in the living room was also
done in a very funny episode of Laverne and Shirley. This would not
be the last time Perfect Strangers would use similar plots and
situations from that series (which was also produced in part by Thomas Miller
and Bob Boyett).
- Balki's alphabet blanket is seen clearly in this
episode. It appears to be a handmade Myposian blanket with the English
alphabet written and illustrated with examples. Balki probably had this
blanket from childhood and used it to help him learn English.
- This is the first time we see Susan wearing a
nurseís outfit, complete with name tag.
- When Balki says he will never be a real live
nephew of his Uncle Sam he's quoting a line from the song Yankee Doodle Dandy.
Balki takes upon himself a Myposian custom in which he must go far away and
cover his face in shame. This was to be the first of many similar Myposian
customs to come over the years.
- Larry and Balkiís rendition of "America
the Beautiful" complete with hushing their voices for the second
"America" was a fan favorite and they even sang it again the episode Prose
- Character actor Eddie Barth gives a memorable
performance here as the DMV worker, Frank. He also made an appearance in
an episode of Full House and had a semi-regular roles on the series Simon
& Simon and Murder, She
Wrote. Commercial fans may recognize his voice from Miller Lite
commercials in which he intoned "Everything you always wanted in a beer . .
. and less."
- Another possibly familiar face is that of a woman
standing in the background at the DMV. Could this be the same woman who
appears almost regularly on the series in the background at the Chicago
Chronicle? She shows up again in the second season episode Get a Job.
We still don't know the identity of this regular background extra.
- Cousin nighttime59
on the Forums alerted us to this interesting blooper: At the beginning of the
show when Balki is stamping the oil cans and Larry is stacking them, Balki only
has five cans in the box, and yet he stamps eight cans! How is this
possible? Well, watch closely . . . Larry places two cans on a flat level
before the shot switches to one from Camera A. Suddenly those two cans are
gone and Larry stacks them again. They used footage of the same shot shown
previously but from a different angle, to make the scene longer!
nighttime59 also pointed out that in the first scene when Larry says "He
can do anything he puts his mind to," Balki tosses the feather duster he is
holding beside the radio (which was sold in the first episode . . . why is
it still there?) but then when Twinkacetti walks into his office the duster is
magically back in Balki's hand so he can toss it down again before dancing away.
It's likely two takes of the scene were done and Bronson threw the duster aside
at different times, something the continuity person should have caught.
- In this
episode their address is given as "627 Lincoln Blvd." although this
changed often throughout the series (see our Watch . . . and Learn! section for
more on such inconsistencies.)
Balki asks if he should place his hand over "your left or my left?"
eye, the instructor says "Your left, my right." Balki then
places his left hand over his own left eye and his right hand over the man's
left eye, not his right eye, although to Balki it would be the man's right eye
and not his left eye. Is that confusing enough?
- When Twinkacetti hands Larry the money he won in
their bet, he comments, "So my kid misses Christmas." As we
learn in the following season, Twinkacetti actually has two children, a boy and
a girl named Donny and Marie.
episode begins with Balki and Larry working in the Ritz Discount store.
Balki is stamping the price on cans of motor oil (very fitting considering the
topic of this episode!). As he stamps each can, Balki tosses them to
Larry, who in turn stacks them into a pyramid shape. Balki throws the last
one and then also tosses the price stamper to Larry. "That's the last
one," Balki explains. "Darn, one more we would have had a
perfect pyramid," Larry sighs. Balki looks at the front of the
pyramid and asks, "Why, don't we use this one?" pointing to a can on
the bottom row. "Oh, Balki no!" Larry cries as Balki pulls the
can out and places it safely on the top of the pyramid. "What?
Perfect!" Balki announces proudly, then walks away. "Obviously
you donít know the first thing about physics," Larry comments.
Mr. Twinkacetti enters, carrying some
mail. "Morning, gentlemen," he says, "and I use the word
incorrectly." Balki starts to dust around
the cash register as Larry begins pricing some wrapping paper and replies,
"Good morning, Mr. Twinkacetti." Twinkacetti opens a letter and
laughs, looking at his driver's license. "Oh, look what you got, you
lucky son of a goat!" Balki exclaims. "It's my driver's
license," Twinkacetti says flatly, "I just got it renewed."
"Congratulations," Balki smiles, "Oh! To get an official
document like that must make you so aroused!" "Yeah, come to
think of it, I wonder when mine's up for renewal," Larry thinks, pulling
out his wallet to look at his own license. "Oh," Balki sighs,
"It's a wonderful thing, a driver's license. I don't have a driver's
license. And I want to thank you both for letting me hang out with you
anyway." "What are you talking about?" Larry asks.
"Your driver's license?" Balki asks, "Your membership card to the
American dream?" "Balki, it's only a driver's license,"
Larry notes. "Only a driver's license?" Balki cries, "Is
the Lincoln Memorial only a building? Is Mount Rushmore only a chunk of
stone? Is Merv Griffin only a talk show host?" "Well, it's
hard to argue when you put it like that," Larry admits, putting his license
back into his wallet.
"But didn't you have a driver's
license back in Mypos?" Larry asks. "Well, we only had one
car," Balki answers. "Well, my family only had one car,"
Larry says. "My country only had one car," Balki
explains. "Which is a good thing," Twinkacetti interjects, "because
they let the guy with the brain drive." "Come on, Twinkacetti,"
Larry says, "Balki could get a driver's license." "I
could?" Balki asks in awe. "Sure," Larry answers.
"Don't be ridiculous!" Balki scoffs, "I am not born in the
USA." "Well, that doesn't make any difference," Larry
assures him, "You can still get a driver's license." "You
teasing Balki," Balki says, not daring to believe it. "No, it's
no big deal. All you need is someone to teach you how to drive."
"Will you teach me?" Balki asks. "Well, sure," Larry
smiles, "I'm your friend." "In your car?" Balki asks.
Larry looks worried. "Uh, in my car? Uh, Balki, I don't think
that's a good idea." "Why not?" Balki asks.
"Well, Balki, a man's car is not just a piece of machinery," Larry
hesitates, "I mean, my car is very special to me. I spent years
saving nickels and dimes so that I could . . . I mean, it's not that I don't
trust you. It's just that, uh . . . well, see, uh . . . how can I say
this?" "You don't want it driven into the side of a
building," Twinkacetti offers. "That's it," Larry agrees,
then he sees Balki's expression and adds, "Well, that's not entirely
"Oh, face it," Twinkacetti
chides, "We both know the yo-yo can't get a license."
"Well, that's not true!" Larry argues. "Fifty bucks says
he can't!" Twinacetti says. "I'm not even going to dignify that
with a response," Larry scoffs. Twinkacetti laughs and tells Balki,
"Translated, that means your pal doesn't think you can do it."
He heads toward his office. "He can do anything he puts his mind
to!" Larry insists. "Then put your money where your mouth
is!" Twinkacetti replies. "All right, you got a bet!" Larry
agrees, "And I'll teach him in my car!" "You will?"
Balki asks. "Did I say it?" Larry asks. "Yes!"
Balki answers. "Damn!" Larry swears. Twinkacetti grabs
Larry's hand to shake and smiles, "You're on! It's gonna be like
taking candy from a baby." He thinks a moment and mutters to himself,
"I haven't done that in a while, either." Twinkacetti goes to
his office. "My very own driver's license!" Balki gasps
excitedly, "I can't wait to hit the highway!" Balki turns and
starts singing "In my little deuce coup . . . " Larry stands by
the oil cans, looking worried. "I volunteered my car!" He
looks upward and asks, "Please, God, tell me I didn't make a mistake!"
The pyramid of cans suddenly topples, with cans rolling every which way.
"Was that a yes or a no?" Larry asks.
Later in the apartment, Balki is sitting
in a chair by the fireplace reading a booklet. Larry enters with two bags
full of groceries. Balki
jumps up excitedly, announcing, "Cousin Larry! I have been reading
the manuel!" "The manuel?" Larry asks in confusion.
"The driving manuel," Balki explains, still pronouncing
"manual" as "manuel." "Oh, the driving manuel!"
Larry understands, "Well, you can't study that too much."
"Well, I read every day for a week," Balki explains. "Well,
that's good," Larry says. "And you said when I have read the
manuel and memorize the rules, you will give me my lesson in front of the
wheel." "Uh, that's behind the wheel," Larry corrects,
"and see? That's exactly what I'm talking about. You don't even
know which side of the wheel to be on." "But . . . you promise
to teach me," Balki reminds him. "Well, I know, I know,"
Larry hesitates, "I just was hoping we could wait a little longer. At
least until my car depreciates another year." Balki gives him a sad
expression and Larry finally says, "Okay. A promise is a promise.
All right, come on."
Larry carries the groceries next to the
coffee table and sets them down on the floor. Larry sits on the table and
says, "Okay. Now
let's pretend that this is my car." "Oh po po!" Balki
scoffs, "You don't trust me in a real car?" "I just think
we should get some practice before we get into an actual moving,
life-threatening motor vehicle," Larry explains, "Now, get in the
car." Balki gives in and walks around the back of the coffee table,
pantomiming that he's opening the driver's side door. He sits on the
coffee table and mimes slamming the door shut. "Don't you ever, ever
do that again!" Larry scolds. "What?" Balki asks.
"You slammed the door!" Larry snaps. Balki looks taken aback,
then responds with, "Well, it's a little hard to remember when you driving
a coffee table." "Okay," Larry continues, "Now, you
got your steering wheel, your brake, gear shift, accelerator. Make sure
it's in park and start it up." "Cousin, there's nothing
here," Balki points out, "Don't you think it would be easier in your
car?" "Easier for you, not for me," Larry states.
"All right, look," Larry sighs,
reaching over to the grocery bags, "I'll build you a little driving
simulator." Larry pulls out a plunger and sticks it on the floor.
"This is your gear shift," he explains. He pulls out a box of
frozen broccoli and sets it on the floor, saying, "Frozen broccoli is your
accelerator." He then pulls out a grapefruit and also places it on
the floor, stating, "And the
grapefruit is your brake. Now, it's in park, so just start it up."
"Did you give me the key?" Balki asks. Larry mimes pulling a set
of keys out of his pocket and shaking them in front of Balki. Balki takes
the "keys" and then reaches over and mimes opening the glove
compartment and taking something out. "What are you doing?"
Larry asks. "Sunglasses," Balki explains, miming breathing on
them and then wiping them on his shirt. He puts on the
"sunglasses" and then mimes pulling on his seat belt.
"Buckle up," Balki tells Larry. "Start the car," Larry
says, losing his patience. Balki mimes turning the key and places
his hands on an imaginary wheel as Larry says, "Okay. Now, put your
foot on the brake." Balki puts his foot on the broccoli and Larry
says, "On the brake. The grapefruit." Balki switches his
foot to the grapefruit. "Okay. Now . . . put it in drive,"
Larry coaxes. Balki moves the handle of the plunger. "And
slowly, slowly . . . give it a little broccoli . . . " Balki presses
his foot lightly on the broccoli. "Just pull out into traffic,"
Larry says. Balki smiles as he mimes driving and Larry says, "Okay.
we're cruising down the street," Larry continues, "A little broccoli,
little broccoli . . . okay, not so fast. Not so fast. There's a lot
of traffic." "This window too much on you?" Balki asks,
motioning to where the window would be on his side. "It's fine,"
Larry assures him, "Now, what I'm gonna do is throw a few emergency
situations your way. Okay? Is that all right?" Balki nods
and Larry says, "Good," then looks ahead and shouts loudly, "Look
out!!" Balki screams and curls up on the coffee table, covering
his eyes with his hands. "Now that's rule number one!" Larry
says, "The driver never ever covers his eyes." "Why you did
that?" Balki asks. "A school bus pulled out in front of
you," Larry explains. "I didn't see a school bus," Balki
says. "How can you miss a big yellow bus with large flashing
lights?" Larry asks. "Well, I was busy avoiding the runaway baby
carriage," Balki counters.
"What runaway baby carriage?"
Larry asks. "What school bus?" Balki asks, "I don't
understand this game!" "Okay. Okay, Balki,
if you're not gonna take this seriously there's no point in teaching you,"
Larry states, turning away with his arms crossed. "I'll do
better," Balki promises. Larry waits a moment then says, "Okay.
Now I think we should take a few more practice spins around the living room
before the accelerator defrosts, and if you don't hit anything we'll, uh . . .
we'll go for a ride in my car." "Oh, thank you, Cousin
Larry!" Balki smiles, grabbing Larry's shoulders, "And don't worry.
I'll be careful. All right, I'm turning right now!" Balki mimes
turning the wheel and Larry cries, "All right, signal, signal,
signal!" Larry cries. Balki throws his right out arm straight,
hitting Larry and knocking him backwards off the coffee table. Larry
slowly looks up over the coffee table, fuming. "Next time, buckle
up!" Balki scolds, "It's the law!" Larry buries his face in
The next scene is at the Ritz Discount
Store. Susan is standing by the counter with Balki and asks, "Balki,
what happened?" "I
had an accident in Cousin Larry's car," Balki says sadly. "Oh no
. . . was anybody hurt?" Susan asks. "Unfortunately, I
lived," Balki sighs. Larry enters the store, fuming and counting,
" . . . seven . . . eight . . . nine . . . ten . . . "
"Larry what happened?" Susan asks. "Not now, I'm counting
to a thousand," Larry says. "What happened?" Susan asks
again. "What happened?" Larry asks as Balki hides his face in
his hands, "What happened? He is what happened! We were
practicing parking at the supermarket and all of a sudden this runaway shopping
cart came hurtling across the lot right at us!" "A shopping
cart?" Susan asks. "A hurtling shopping cart!" Larry
clarifies, then turns on Balki, "I told you to hit the brake!"
"Yes, but you confused me," Balki explains, "You keep shouting,
'Hit the grapefruit! Hit the grapefruit!' and I cannot remember is it
brake or gas the grapefruit?"
remember? It's the brake!" Larry shouts, "It's the brake!
Grapefruit is the brake! Who doesn't know that?" Twinkacetti
shrugs. "The point is the cart plowed right into my front
fender," Larry complains. "Oh Cousin," Balki cries, taking
Larry's hand in his and placing his face upon it, "I know you never can
forgive me. I was a fool to think that ever I could have a license like a
real American. Now I never will be a real live cousin of my Uncle
Sam." "Balki," Larry says, trying to get Balki to stop.
Balki raises his head and continues, "Oh, I am the lowest form of life.
I am . . . a calf butcher. According to Mypos custom, I have to go far
away and cover my face in shame." Balki pulls his jacket over his
face, then pulls it away to say, "Goodbye." He heads for the
door of the store and walks right into it. "I hate these old
customs!" he complains, then covers his face again and walks out the door.
Larry stands, looking confused as the scene fades.
Act two begins in the apartment.
Balki is sitting on the chair to the right of the couch, laying beneath his
alphabet blanket and holding
a stuffed sheep, looking sad. Larry enters the apartment and Balki
immediately pulls the blanket up over his face. Larry walks over to Balki,
hesitates, then approaches. But Balki lets out a cry and Larry backs off.
After a moment Larry tries again, but Balki lets out a sob again and so Larry
sits on the end of the couch nearest the chair instead. "Balki.
Balki, Balki, I'm sorry," Larry offers. Balki peeks out from behind
the blanket. "It's just that it's my car and it's your fault!"
Larry snaps, causing Balki to duck under the blanket again. "No, no,
no," Larry says, "I didn't mean to say that. I
overreacted." Balki lowers the blanket as Larry continues.
"I owe you an apology. I'm sorry. I was more concerned about my
car than your feelings." "No, you were right," Balki sighs,
"I am a lowly immigrant who dared to dream." "Now don't
talk like that!" Larry argues. "I don't deserve a driver's
license," Balki says, "I don't even deserve a library card. I
would probably be arrested for speed reading." "Things don't
always come easy," Larry explains, "It wasn't easy for you to pack up
and come to America. You found me. You found a job. You found
a place to live. That was tough! And you're not a quitter. You
know why?" Balki thinks a moment, then says, "I give up.
beautiful, for spacious skies . . . " Larry begins to sing, encouraging
Balki to sing with him, " . . . for amber waves of grain . . . "
As Balki continues to sing "America, the Beautiful," Larry says,
"Because you were born with the desire to make yourself better.
That's why you came to America! Hanging in there is part of what the
American spirit is all about! Yes!" Larry urges Balki to stand
and they continue singing loudly, "America!" Larry motions for
them to say the second "America" softer and then he continues with his
encouragement. "When you fall off that horse you've got to climb
right back on and show it who's boss! When the going gets tough, the tough
get going! Never say die! If at first you don't succeed, try, try
again!" "You mean, if I live in a glass house I must not throw
stones!" Balki jumps in, leaving Larry confused. "You can fool
some of the sheep all of the time, but you can't fool some of the sheep all
of the time!" Balki continues.
"Yes, yes, yes, yes!" Larry
says, "Whatever works for you! The point is I don't want you to lose
your confidence. I believe in you. And
to prove it, I want you to go out there this afternoon and use my car to take
that test." "Cousin Larry, you'll let me use your car
again?" Balki smiles. Larry hesitates only a moment then answers,
"Yes." "Cousin Larry," Balki says, then looks down at
his stuffed sheep and adds, "Dimitri . . . if you trust me that much . . .
I'll do it!" He sets Dimitri down as Larry gets his car keys out of
his pants pocket and holds them out for Balki. "Great!" Larry
says. "I'll get back on that horse!" Balki says, clutching the
keys still in Larry's hand. "You betcha!" Larry agrees.
"I'll show it who's boss!" Balki adds. "That's the
spirit!" Larry smiles. "Cousin Larry?"
"What?" "Let go of the key." "I'm trying,
I'm really trying," Larry assures him as Balki tries to wrestle the keys
away from him.
We see an establishing shot of the State
of Illinois Motor Vehicle Facility. Inside there are many people milling
about. Balki and Larry
are waiting on line and Balki is shaking all over, holding his application.
"Nervous?" Larry asks. "Of course not, don't be
ridiculous," Balki says, then starts shaking again. "You know
that manual backwards and forwards," Larry assures him.
"Backwards?" Balki cries worriedly. "It's a figure of
speech," Larry says quickly. "All right, there's one question I
have to ask about the manuel," Balki says. "Yes?" Larry
asks. "If four persons come to a four-way stop at the same moment,
and the man on my right has the right of way, who goes first because everybody
has somebody on his right." Larry thinks a moment, then answers,
"That's why you buy insurance." "Thank you," Balki
says, then admits, "I'm very nervous." "Relax," Larry
urges, "People here are very, very nice." An older man at the
counter yells, "Next!" in a very gruff voice. Balki eyes him
worriedly. "Well, come on, I don't have all day," the man says
sharply. "Hey, you lucked out," Larry smiles, "you got a
good one!" They approach the counter.
The man takes the form from Balki and
looks at it. "Okay, your first name is spelled B-A-L . . . "
"K-I," Larry finishes with him, "K-I . . . Balki Bartokomous."
"Current address, 6 . . . " "627 Lincoln Blvd.," Larry
finishes again. "Place of birth . . . " "Mypos.
It's a Mediterranean island," Larry says. The man stares at Larry and
then looks to Balki, asking, "Who's this? Your ventriloquist?"
this my Cousin Larry!" Balki says proudly. The man addresses Balki
again, asking, "You! See the eye chart?" "Yes, I see
it!" Balki says happily, "Boy, that was an easy test!"
"Cover the left eye, please," the man asks. "Your left or
my left?" Balki asks. "Your left, my right," the man
answers. Balki places his left hand over his own left eye and his right
hand over the man's left eye. "Take your hand off my face," the
man insists. Balki does so. "Read the first line," the man
instructs. Balki looks at the eye chart and reads "E."
"Cover the other eye," the man says. Balki puts his right hand
over his right eye but doesn't take the left off the left, so now he has both
hands over both eyes. "Uncover the left eye!" the man says in
frustration. Balki uncovers his left eye and smiles, saying, "Lucky
break. I couldn't see a thing." "What's the last line you
can read?" the man asks, indicating the chart on the wall behind him again.
Balki reads, "Copyright 1963. Printed in Hicksville, New York, by
somebody named Pat Pending." Larry leans over the counter to look as
the man also has to look closely at the chart himself. "Okay, I'll
give that to you," the man says, marking the form. "Cousin
Larry, I passed the eye test!" Balki says happily. "See?
All that studying paid off," Larry smiles.
The man hands Balki a paper, explaining,
"Here's your written test. Over there." Balki takes the
paper and tries to take a pen from
the counter but it is attached by a cord and he gets jerked back. Larry
replaces the pen and hands Balki a pencil from a cup holder instead. Larry
leads Balki over to the testing area, saying, "All right, now . . . take
your time. Some of these questions can be pretty tricky."
"Uh, excuse me!" the man calls, "Cousin Larry. You're
getting on my nerves." "Well, I'm sorry," Larry offers,
"It's just that getting a driver's license is very important to him.
It's kind of a symbol of, uh . . . . " "Park it over
there!" the man orders, indicating the waiting area. "Yes, right
. . . no problem!" Larry smiles nervously, "I know you live with a lot
of stress." Larry walks to the waiting area but Balki turns from the
test area and walks to the counter. Larry follows, asking, "What's
the matter?" Balki hands his test paper to the man and says,
"Nothing is the matter. I'm finished." "You're
finished? How could you be finished?" Larry asks. "I knew
all the answers!" Balki says. Larry turns to the man, saying,
"Excuse me, I think my friend here may have made a hasty act here."
"Cousin, Cousin, relax," Balki says, "I may be nervous but I know
my G's and U's." "That's P's and Q's," Larry corrects.
"I didn't know that," Balki says.
"Okay, one wrong," the man
announces. "One wrong?" Larry asks excitedly, "One wrong!
Balki, that's great!" "I got one wrong?"
Balki asks unhappily. "Only one, that's fantastic!" Larry
smiles. "I got one wrong?" Balki asks the man. "It's
okay! You passed!" Larry explains. "You must have made a
mistake," Balki tells the man. "Look, you're allowed seven
mistakes," the man points out, "You passed the test."
"I demand a recount," Balki insists. "Balki, Balki!
Let it go!" Larry insists, but the man checks the test again.
"Well, whaddya know?" the man says, "He's right. A perfect
paper." "I knew I was right!" Balki announces to the people
waiting in line. "Sorry," the man says sarcastically, "All
out of little gold stars." "What about a little happy
face?" Balki asks. Larry pulls Balki away from the counter.
"Balki, you've got to be nice to these people!" Larry explains,
"If that man was your driving examiner, you'd be in a lot of trouble!"
The man appears next to them and taps Balki's arm, motioning outside.
"Let's go. On this part of the test you're only allowed three
mistakes. Where's your car?" "In front," Balki
answers. "In the red zone?" the man asks, shaking his head,
"That's one!" Balki follows the man out the door and Larry waits
Back at the Ritz Discount, Twinkacetti is
on the phone by the cash register. "I told you, all sales are
final," he says into the receiver, "Do I stand behind my products?
Listen, sister, look behind your TV. Do you see me there? There's
your answer!" He hangs
up the phone and sighs, "Those nuns are so pushy!" Larry runs in
the door, looking around. "Is Balki here? I can't find him!
He went for his driver's test two hours ago and he never came back!"
"Oh, too bad," Twinkacetti sighs in mock sympathy, "You lost your
pal. You lost your car. You lost the bet. Pay me!"
"He could be lying out there injured," Larry points out, "How can
you think of money at a time like this?" "Easy! I'm not a
nice person! Pay me!" Twinkacetti repeats. The door opens and
Balki enters, looking a little dazed. "Balki, you're alive!"
Larry exclaims. "Yes, I think so," Balki says quietly, "I
have to sit down." "Get the man a chair!" Twinkacetti says
with glee. Balki walks over to the antique barber's chair and sits down.
"What happened? I was worried!" Larry says. "I tried
to call you from the hospital but the phones were being used," Balki
explains. "The hospital?" Larry asks, "You were in the
hospital?" "I didn't want to get on the expressway but I
got confused," Balki continues. "You're not supposed to be on
the expressway!" Larry states. "I know! But I said to him,
'You want to take a left?' and he said, 'Right,' so I took a right and suddenly
Frank and me were on the expressway in the middle of rush hour. And I
don't know why they call it rush hour because nothing moves."
"Who is Frank?" Larry asks.
"That grumpy guy from the driver's license store," Balki explains,
"The one who had a heart attack." "Frank had a heart
attack?" Larry asks in shock. "Well, no, it turns out what he
had was a bad lunch. A salami sandwich, french fries and two chili dogs.
Nice guy but he had more gas than Exxon." "You're breakin' my
heart," Twinkacetti says, and points to Larry,
saying, "You lost the bet. Pay me. Give me my money!"
"You're really enjoying this, aren't you?" Balki asks.
"Human suffering is my thing," Twinkacetti smiles. "Suffer
this," Balki says, reaching into his pocket to pull out a card, "I got
my license!" Twinkacetti looks shocked and Larry cries, "You got
it! You got it!" Balki jumps up and hugs Larry.
"Frank was so happy he wasn't dead that he gave me my driver's
license," Balki smiles. "No way! Let me see that!"
Twinkacetti snatches the license from Balki and looks it it. "Excuse
me a moment," he says, and turns his back to them, letting out a yelp of
frustration. He turns back and hands Balki his card, sighing nonchalantly,
"Hey, but we had fun, didn't we?" He starts to walk away but
Larry goes after him, saying, "Ah, Mr. Twinkacetti?" Twinkacetti
turns around and fishes in his pocket, sighing, "Ah, right. The
money. Okay." He pulls out fifty dollars and shoves it into
Larry's hand. "So my kid misses Christmas," Twinkacetti sighs,
giving Larry a look before going into his office.
"Balki, you did it!" Larry says,
patting his shoulder, "I'm proud of ya." "Thank you, Cousin
Larry," Balki replies, "But you made me stick
with it when I was ready to throw up the towel." "Beautifully
put," Larry notes, "but you're the one who passed the test."
"Yes, but I was ready to be a quitter and give up my part of the American
dream. But you wouldn't let me. Instead you have faith in me and you
trusted me with your car." "Well, trust is what friendship is
all about," Larry smiles. "And you didn't even worry about your
car!" Balki notes. "I never gave it a thought," Larry
agrees, then asks, "Did you put on the parking brake?" "Of
course I did, don't be ridiculous," Balki says, then asks, "What's a
parking brake?" When Larry starts to react Balki says, "Got you!
Larry Appleton, you are the best friend this Mediterranean sheepherder ever
had." "Thanks," Larry smiles, "What d'ya say we go out
and celebrate? It's on Twinkie!" They start for the door and
Larry asks, "Where are the car keys?" "Oh theyíre nice
and safe," Balki assures him, "I locked them in the car!"
Larry look at Balki in disbelief and Balki realizes what he's done, clasping his
hands over his mouth as they both run out of the store in a panic.
on to the next episode . . .