Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 05 - Check This

First Air Date: April 22, 1986
Nielsen Rating: 20.0 HH

Co-Producer: James OíKeefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: William Bickley & Michael Warren
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Ernie Sabella: Mr. Twinkacetti
Lise Cutter: Susan Campbell

Guest Cast:
Belita Moreno: Edwina Twinkacetti
Sam Anderson: Harrison Harper
Steve Witting: Delivery Man

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri can be seen lying on the unmade sofa bed during the first scene.

Larry: "Intellectually I know Iím overly possessive . . . almost neurotic about it."  Balki: "Erotic?  Donít be ridiculous!"
"I think itís time I took your back by the horns."

Donít be ridiculous: Said twice.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Watch . . . and learn!" (first time)
"Donít you ever, EVER do that again."
"Where do I come up with them?" (first time)
"Oh po po!"
"We kid around!" (first time)

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Balki hugs a total stranger
Larry trying to hang his jacket on the closet door

Songs: "Touch Me in the Morning" - sung by Balki as he takes the plastic off the new furniture.

Notable Moments:
We meet Mrs. Twinkacetti for the first time.

Interesting facts:
- This is the first time Larry instructs Balki to "Watch . . . and learn!"  Itís also the first time, after finding out afterwards that he didnít let Balki tell him something important and asks why Balki didnít tell him that Balki answers, "I was busy watching . . . and learning!"
- Balki's alphabet blanket can be seen laying on the sofabed in the first scene.
- Larryís bad back, which would feature in future plots, plays a big part in this episode.
- This episode marks the first appearance of Belita Moreno as Edwina Twinkacetti, Mr. Twinkacettiís savvy and strong wife who rules her sometimes wayward husband with an iron fist.  Belita would appear several times throughout season two before beginning a new role in the series as Lydia Markham, the Chicago Chronicleís advice columnist beginning in season three.
- Another familiar face is in this episode . . . Sam Anderson makes a guest appearance as the banker who helps Balki open his checking account.  Sam would also join the series as a regular in season three as Mr. Gorpley, Balkiís hard-hearted boss in the mailroom at the Chicago Chronicle.
- The Happy Saver checking account which Mr. Harper suggests offers a free Freddy the Frog bank.  Freddy the Frog was a character on a popular childrenís series called The New Zoo Revue which originally ran in the 1970's but was syndicated for many years afterwards.  Even so, the reference is still a bit obscure even in 1986.
- Most people associate Balki Claus with the first and second Christmas episodes but Balki actually uses the name first in this episode when he brings gifts to Larry and Susan after getting his new checks.
- After Balki gives Larry his apple "for Larry Apple-ton," he utters his very first "Where do I come up with them?"
- When Balki holds his checkbook open for the delivery man to see he has checks, we can see Balki decided to go with the puppies design.
- Running jokes throughout the series are common but there are sometimes clever running jokes within episodes as well.  When Twinkacetti claims that men tell lies for each other Larry quips that "some men in the Nixon White House did those things for one another," to which Twinkacetti snaps, "You leave my heroes out of this!"  Later when Mrs. Twinkacetti finds the $600 her husband won at the poker game the night before she says she found it "behind your autographed photo of Gordon Liddy."  G. Gordon Liddy was convicted of burglary in the Watergate scandal that led to Nixon's resignation.
- The delivery man who brings the furniture pronounces Balkiís name wrong (he says his last name as Bartoko-mouse).  Delivery men mispronouncing Balkiís name (and even Larryís once) would become a running joke on the series and in later episodes warm-up comedian Robert G. Lee would be the one to mangle their names.
- Larry becomes extremely neurotic when he finds out Balki sold his "lucky rug."  This is only one of many "lucky" items Larry talks about over time.
- When Larry and Balki walk into the Ritz Discount to buy Larryís old furniture back they see a woman leaving the store carrying Larryís lamp which sheís just bought.  This same lamp has been seen throughout the series so far (the round one with the orange shade).  Amazingly enough this lamp is NOT in the next episode, implying that it really was sold and they were unable to get it back.  But they must have found it again at some point because the lamp reappears again at the start of season two and is a staple prop in the cousinsí apartment throughout much of the rest of the series (most notably it can be seen in the episode Weigh to Go, Buddy when Larry has a sugar donut sitting on top of it.)  There must be a lot of these lamps around because it would also be broken by Larry when he hits it with a baseball bat in The Unnatural (yet it would mysteriously return in subsequent episodes!)
- When Mrs. Twinkacetti enters the Ritz Discount she tells Balki that sheís heard so much about him.  Balki replies, saying "I have heard so much about you, too, and I donít believe half of it."  This is the first time Balki accidentally lets slip an insult made by a third person (in this case Mr. Twinkacetti) in a completely innocent manner.  Balki would do this often in future episodes as well.
- This episode which marks the introduction of Mrs. Twinkacetti also introduces one of the only running lines for Mr. Twinkacetti . . . he would often say "We kid around!" whenever his wife would make an accusatory statement about him in front of Balki and Larry.
- At the end of the original airing of this program there was a caption which read "This episode is dedicated in loving memory to William Nelson Baker."  It was the week this episode aired that Markís father passed away.  Finishing up a whirlwind two months of production, the cast and crew were working on the next episode Happy Birthday, Baby at the time.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- Susan exits the Ritz Discount after blowing a raspberry at Twinkacetti, and once outside she turns to the left.  Moments later she can be seen walking past the opaque glass door at the back of the store which is marked "Employees Only."  If she walked outside of the store, and this door is marked "Employees Only" from the inside, how did she get back inside the building to walk behind that door?  If it leads to an inside entrance to the apartment building, why wouldn't she just walk through that door to begin with?  And why would a door that leads to the entrance of the apartments be marked "Employees Only?"  Isn't it more logical to think it's an office or storeroom?  Things that make you go hmmmmm.

The episode begins one morning in the apartment.  We see Balki doing aerobic exercises in the living room along with the television set where a woman's voice is giving instructions to music.  Larry emerges sleepily from his bedroom, looking irritated.  Balki moves to his right and then back to his left, running into Larry who holds his arms out to stop him.  "Balki, don't do that," Larry asks, then moves to turn off the television, saying, "It would help me if the floor didn't shake before noon."  "Boy, you are grumpy in the morning," Balki complains, still doing arm exercises.  "I'm grumpy all the time," Larry says, "I just hide it better the rest of the day."  Larry watches Balki, who is flexing his behind in a strange way.  "What are you doing?"  "Buttock pinches," Balki explains.  Larry eyes the open sofa bed and says, "Don't forget to fold up the couch.  You left it open yesterday."  "I can't," Balki replies.  "What do you mean you can't?" Larry asks, "It's simple!"  "No, it's not so simple, Cousin," Balki argues.  "They build these things so that children can fold them up," Larry insists, moving to the end of the bed.

"No, no, Cousin," Balki says, approaching to explain.  "Balki!" Larry stops him, "Watch . . . and learn!  Take the little black handle, and as you lift you push in."  "Yes, I know, Cousin," Balki assures him.  "Balki!  Watch . . . and learn!"  Balki yields to Larry's wishes.  Larry grabs the handle and demonstrates as he says, "You just lift . . . and push."  He pushes, but the bed doesn't move.  "Lift . . . and push," Larry tries again.  Still the bed doesn't budge.  Larry becomes more frustrated, trying harder as he continues to "Lift . . . and push."  Balki watches this knowingly.  "Push . . . and lift!  And li . . . "  Larry struggles with the bed, trying from another angle, and wrenches his back.  "Oh!  Oh!" Larry cries.  "It's broken," Balki says.  "No, I think it's just a sprain," Larry says, holding his back.  "No, I mean the sofa is broken," Balki explains.  Larry shoots him a look.  "Why didn't you tell me that?" Larry asks.  "Well, because I was busy watching and learning," Balki answers.  Larry struggles to move away from the couch.  "Oh, poor Cousin," Balki sighs, going after him, "Here!  I know how to fix your back!"  Balki wraps his arms around Larry from behind as Larry tries to maneuver away.  They spin around several times as Larry cries, "No, no!  Balki, what are you doing?"  They spin until they end up sitting in a chair, Balki underneath Larry.  "No, no, no, no, no, no!" Larry cries, batting Balki's hands away.  Finally Larry cries, "Balki!  No!  No, thank you!  I don't need any pagan cures!"

Larry sits on the end of the sofa bed.  "Oh, I could have bought a new couch but nooooo, I had to buy a used one!" Larry complains.  "Well, I'm the one that sleeps there so I buy the new one!" Balki announces, getting up and moving to the front of the sofa bed.  He lifts up the front end of the mattress, which throws Larry off the bed and into a crouched position on the floor.  Balki gets a leather wallet from under the mattress then turns around to see Larry.  "What did we lose?" Balki asks, getting down next to Larry on the floor.  Larry pulls Balki up as he sits up himself.  "Don't you ever, ever do that again!" Larry warns.  "What?" Balki asks, "I was getting my money."  "You're kidding me," Larry says as he sits back on the end of the sofa bed, "You keep your money under a mattress?"  "Well, of course I do, I want it to be safe," Balki explains.  "Safe?" Larry asks, "Didn't you ever think that a thief could break in here, get tired ransacking the apartment, lie down to take a nap?  Bam!  Your money's gone!"  "No, I never thought of that," Balki admits.

"Well, you should!  Keeping money around attracts burglars.  You don't keep your money in a mattress, you keep your money in a bank."  "Why?" Balki asks.  "Because that is what responsible people do," Larry answers, "What if the building was to burn down?  Then where would your money be?  Step into the twentieth century!"  "But . . . I don't know about banks," Balki says worriedly.  "What's to know?" Larry cries, "Why do I have to explain everything?  Look, today on our lunch hour I'll take you to my bank, you'll put that money in a checking account."  "But this is my mad money," Balki explains.  Larry gives him a frustrated look and Balki asks, "You mean my savings, too?"  "Yes, yes, your savings, too," Larry confirms, "Everything!  Now get it."  Balki gets up and walks toward the front of the sofa bed again.  Seeing this, Larry gets up and moves to the chair instead, not realizing that Balki has turned to the chair.  Balki pulls up the cushion Larry has just sat upon, throwing Larry to the floor again.  Balki gets a leather pouch and pulls out his money, showing it to Larry.  "I got it!" he announces happily.  "You'll never get it," Larry moans.

In the next scene we see the outside of a bank.  Larry's voice over says, "Can we get on with this?  We're on our lunch break."  Inside the bank, Balki and Larry approach one of the desks where a man is working as Larry says, "Ah, excuse us . . . uh, this is Balki Bartokomous."  "Oh, I'm Harrison Harper," the man begins to say when Balki suddenly hugs him.  "Balki would like to open a checking account," Larry explains.  "Sit, sit," Mr. Harper says, motioning to some chairs.  Balki and Larry sit down as the man begins.  "All right, you've got your Money Market Manager account, requires a thousand dollar minimum balance, includes check guarantee, credit card, overdraft protection, which means you can write checks up to five thousand dollars over your balance, and a free color TV."  "Oh, I like that one!" Balki smiles excitedly.  "Balki, I think that's a little out of your league," Larry notes.  "What is my league?" Balki asks.  "Little league," Larry answers.  Mr. Harper gets some information and hands it to them, explaining, "Our Happy Saver account.   Requires a minimum balance of two dollars and you get a free Freddy the Frog bank."  "He'll take that one," Larry says immediately, "Balki, give him your money."

Balki holds his money close and puts up a finger to indicate he wants Larry to wait.  "Just one moment," Balki says, and turns to Mr. Harper, "There's a few things I don't understand.  When I put my money here, what are you going to do with it?"  "The same thing they do with my money," Larry explains, "They loan it out to other people for interest."  "They give my money to other people just because it's interesting?" Balki asks.  "No, no, no," Larry says, "Interest is what people pay the bank so that they can use your money."  "Well, if they're using my money, why don't they pay me?" Balki demands to know.  "Well, the bank performs a service," Larry continues, "For instance, you could come here and borrow money yourself."  "I could come to this bank and borrow my own money and then pay them interest?" Balki asks.  "Well, yes," Larry says, "provided you have good credit."  "What that is?" Balki asks.  "Well, credit is proving to the bank that you don't need to borrow your own money," Larry answers.  Balki still looks confused, so Larry asks Mr. Harper, "Would you like to explain this to him?"  "Not on your life," Mr. Harper replies.

"When my money is here, who is going to be watching it?" Balki asks.  "Well, Mr. Harper will watch it," Larry answers.  "Like a hawk," Mr. Harper adds facetiously.  "Well, then, I'm going to need some references from you," Balki insists.  Larry has about had it.  "Balki, give him your money."  "But how do I get my money when I want to use it?" Balki asks.  "Look, the bank gives you nice checks with pretty little pictures and when you want to buy something all you have to do is siiiign your name to a check.  That's all there is to it."  "You mean when I want to spend money all I have to do is siiiiign my name to a check?" Balki asks.  "Let's get this done so that we can go back to work," Larry says impatiently.  Balki hands his money over to Mr. Harper somberly.  "Take good care of it," he urges.  "We will," Mr. Harper assures him, then looks at the amount and sighs.  "A hundred and twenty-eight dollars?  That's what this ordeal is about?  A hundred and twenty-eight dollars?"  "Just take the money, please," Larry begs.  "Yes, yes," Mr. Harper agrees, "If you will just pick out the style of checks you want we can wrap this up during my lifetime."  He hands Balki a book of sample check styles.  Balki looks through it.  "Rainbows!" he smiles, "I love rainbows!"  "Rainbows it is," Mr. Harper smiles, marking it down.  Balki turns the page, remarking, "Flowers!"  Mr. Harper crumples the order form he just marked and says, "Okay, flowers."  Balki turns the page again and cries out, "Puppies!"  Mr. Harper crumples the second order form as Larry joins Balki in looking at the check styles.

At the Ritz Discount store, Susan is massaging Larry's sore back.  "Lower," Larry says.  She moves her hands lower and starts again.  "Lower," Larry urges.  She presses into his back and he lets out a cry of pain, so she pulls her hands away.  "Lower," Larry says again.  Balki enters the store carrying a paper sack which he slings over his shoulder as he lets out a "Ho!  Ho!  Ho!  Balki Claus is coming to town!"  He carries the bag to the counter to open it.  "And what does he have?"  He pulls out an apple and states, "An apple!  For Larry Appleton!"  Balki laughs at his own joke, exclaiming, "Where do I come up with them?"  He reaches into the bag again.  "And for you, Susan, your favorite sugarless gum."  "Oh, thank you, Balki!" Susan smiles.  "Balki, this is very nice," Larry agrees, "What's the occasion?  Is today Mypos Apple and Gum Day?"  "Ask me how I paid for these things!"  "Balki, how did you pay for these things?" Susan asks.  Balki pulls out a checkbook and holds it open for them to see.  "I wrote checks!  They came today."  "Balki, you wrote a check for an apple and a pack of gum?" Larry asks.  "Of course not!  Don't be ridiculous!" Balki scoffs, reaching into the bag again, "I also got you this nice bug light."  "Well, I'm touched," Larry says, taking the bulb.

Mr. Twinkacetti exits his office and shouts, "Appleton!  Front and center!  I'm planning a real big poker game tonight . . . "  "Oh, uh, thank you, Mr. Twinkacetti," Larry says, "But no, I don't play poker."  "I wasn't inviting you," Mr. Twinkacetti says sharply, "Look, Appleton, my wife hates me to gamble.  That's why I'm telling her I'm going to a basketball game with you, tonight.  Got it?  So if it ever comes up, I was with you."  "Uh . . . I can't do that," Larry says, "I can't lie for you."  "Hey!  I'm askin' for a favor!" Twinkacetti says, "Man to man.  Men do those things for each other."  "Some men in the Nixon White House did those things for each other," Larry replies.  "You leave my heroes outta this!" Twinkacetti scolds.  "You know, lying to your wife is really terrible," Susan tells Twinkacetti.  "Newsflash, sweetcheeks!" Twinkacetti counters, "The ERA is dead!  You lost!  Bow and get out!"  "Can I be candid?" Susan asks, and she blows a raspberry at Twinkacetti and leaves.  "Aw, come on, Appleton, huh?" Twinkacetti asks, "It's part of the code of the male brotherhood."  "What is this male brotherhood?" Balki asks.  "Don't worry, no turnips allowed," Twinkacetti remarks.  "It's okay, Balki," Larry assures him, "Forget it, Mr. Twinkacetti.  I'll work for you, I'll take your abuse, but I will not lie to your wife for you."

"I won't forget this," Twinkacetti promises, heading for the door.  He stops, turning back to say, "Oh, I just remembered, I got a truck of body building equipment downtown.  I want you to pick it up.  Shouldn't take you more than a whole day."  Twinkacetti heads for the door again but Balki stops him.  "Mr. Twinkacetti . . . Cousin Larry has a bad back."  "Even better," Twinkacetti says, winking at Balki and leaving.  "Cousin, I do this for you," Balki offers.  "Don't worry," Larry says, "I know the correct way to lift without putting stress on my back."  Larry reaches down to pick up his coat and cries in pain, clutching his back.  "Oh, Cousin, would you please let me fix this?" Balki begs, moving behind Larry to try to fix his back.  "No, no.  I'm okay.  I'm fine, I'm fine," Larry insists, walking to the front door.  As he reaches it a delivery man enters holding a clipboard.  "I'm, uh, looking for a uh, Balki Bartoko-mouse."  "Yeah, that's him over there," Larry points out, "The one who can stand erect."  "I got that furniture you ordered," the delivery guy tells Balki.  "Oh, wonderful!" Balki says, "My Cousin will be so happy!"  "Yeah, yeah," the delivery guy dismisses him, "All I want is three thousand twenty-eight dollars and forty-three cents."  "No problem," Balki says, pulling out his checkbook to hold up, "I have checks."

Act two begins in the apartment that evening with Balki removing the plastic from their new furniture, a gaudy French Provincial style sofa, coffee table, end tables and chairs.  As he works, he sings "Touch Me in the Morning."  The front door opens and Larry enters in a bent over position.  "Twinkacetti can not beat me!" Larry declares.  Slowly Larry moves toward the closet door to hang up his jacket.  "I just moved twelve tons of body building equipment . . . "  Larry tries to reach over a chair to hang up his jacket but can't reach.  " . . . by myself!"  Larry gets onto the chair on his knees but still can't reach the hook above him.  "It was tough . . . " Larry admits, reaching up to grab the coat rack with one hand while letting his head rest against the closet door.  " . . . but I'm a better person for it."  Larry hangs his jacket on the closet doorknob, but it falls off anyway.  Larry lets his arm dangle in defeat and climbs off the chair.  "You also look shorter," Balki notes.  "That's because every vertebrae in my body is compressed," Larry explains.

Larry walks into the room, still bent down, moaning "Oh boy.  Oh boy.  Oh boy.  Oh . . . "  When he reaches the end table, which has some gaudy plastic flowers on it, he says, "Oh boy" even more intensely.  Larry braces himself on the end table and slowly looks up to view his newly re-decorated living room.  Balki hovers over him, hardly able to contain his enthusiasm.  Larry looks at Balki who exclaims, "Surprise!  I bought you new furniture!  It's a present from me to you."  Larry starts to cry.  He walks around, motioning to the coffee table and then crying over the fringed pillow on the sofa.  He motions to a chair and cries again, then sits down on the sofa.  "Oh oh!" Larry moans, "I can't believe you did this!  I can't believe you did this!"  "Aw, I know," Balki smiles, "I know.  I can hardly believe it myself.  And you're welcome!"  Larry eyes Balki in disbelief.  "Balki . . . let me make something absolutely clear.   See, my furniture was, well . . . well . . . it was my furniture.  And this furniture is . . . not."  "Oh," Balki says, looking hurt, "You don't like it?"  "No, no, no, it's not that I don't like it," Larry says, looking around again, then saying, "Yes, it is.  I don't like it."

"Well, but you complain about your broken sofa and you don't like your old furniture and . . . I just wanted to give you something."  Balki walks to the chairs by the fireplace and sits down, sulking.  Larry gets up, still bent over, and walks over to where he's sitting.  "Balki.  Balki, you got rid of my things.  My things.  My things!"  "I got it!" Balki cries.  "No, no,no,  you don't got it!" Larry argues, "You've got to understand!  Look . . . "  Larry sits down on the chair next to Balki.  " . . . look.  I'm going to tell you something about my upbringing that I have never told you."  "You are?" Balki asks.  "Yes," Larry answers, "See, I come from a big family.  I was one of nine kids."  "You told me that," Balki says.  "My parents weren't poor but they didn't have a lot of money . . . "  Balki says "A lot of money" along with Larry then adds, "You told me that."  "We grew up in a middle class house in Madison, Wisconsin . . . "  "Madison, Wisconsin . . . " Balki says with Larry.  "Look, the new stuff is coming, all right?" Larry snaps.  Balki looks hurt again so Larry says, "Sorry," and continues.  "The point is with all those kids nothing was ever really yours.  If I had a toy I had to share it with eight other kids.  So when I moved here, see, I bought this furniture . . . well, not this furniture . . . my own furniture.  It was used, it was a little uncomfortable but it was all mine.  And then, tonight . . . I come home . . . and I find that you, you . . . "  Larry says, nearly sobbing, " . . . you've taken away my toys."

Balki places a comforting hand on Larry's arm.  "Oh, how sad!"  "Intellectually I know, I know . . . I'm overly possessive," Larry admits, "Almost neurotic about it."  "You are not!" Balki assures him.  "I'm not?" Larry asks hopefully.  "Of course not!" Balki insists, "Erotic?  Don't be ridiculous!"  "Neurotic.  Neurotic!  Neurotic!!" Larry screams.  "Okay, don't get crazy!" Balki cries.  "Wait a minute!" Larry suddenly thinks, getting up to walk to the sofa, "Wait a minute!  Where did you get the money to pay for all this stuff?"  "Oh, that was no problem.  I just wrote a check," Balki smiles.  "You wrote a check?" Larry asks worriedly, "For how much?"  "Three thousand twenty-eight dollars and forty-three cents," Balki answers, "Good deal, huh?  They even threw in these plastic flowers!"  Balki walks to the flowers and Larry moves to him, grabbing his vest.  "Balki, Balki, Balki!  You only had a hundred and twenty-eight dollars, less the pack of gum, apple and bug light."  "Yes, but the man at the bank said I can write checks for more money than I have as long as I pay it back someday."  Larry vigorously shakes his head no.  "No, no, no, no, no, no, no.  That was the Money Market Manager account.  You have the Happy Saver account.  Don't you understand anything about banking?"  "No, I don't understand banking," Balki admits, "In Mypos, money is not that important!  Two chickens is a pig, two pigs is a cow and two cows is a fortune.  You the one that made me go to a bank and got me all confused!"

Balki walks back to the chair by the fireplace and sits down.  Larry, still bent over, follows again.  "Oh!  Oh!  Yeah, yeah, okay!  Oh. sure!  Yeah, blame it on me!  Oh, yes, why didn't I see it before?  Yes!  It's all my fault and I'll burn in Hell for it!"  "Boy, you taking this hard!" Balki observes, "What's the big deal?"  "What's the big deal?" Larry cries, "You wrote a check for three thousand dollars more than you have.  You don't want to go to prison for this furniture!"  "You're right," Balki sighs, "It's my fault."  "No, look, look," Larry says, softening, "It's not your fault.  I made you get that bank account and I didn't take the time to explain the basics.  It's not a big deal.  They'll take this furniture back and we'll get back my stuff.  Now what did you do with it?"  "Oh that's no problem," Balki assures him, "I sold it to Mr. Twinkacetti."  Larry looks as if he may cry again.  "You sold it to Twinkacetti?" Larry asks, "You sold my chair, my sofa, my coffee table, my lamp . . . my rug!  You sold my lucky rug??"  "Is this neurotic?" Balki asks.  "Yes!  Yes!" Larry says, "And so is this!"  Larry starts kicking the chair Balki is sitting on, then turns and starts beating up on the end table with the flowers.

At the Ritz Discount store the next morning, Larry and Balki enter just as a woman is exiting, carrying Larry's orange lamp.  "That's my lamp!" Larry points out.  "We'd better hustle our buttocks," Balki says, and they walk into the store.  "Those pinches paid off!" Balki notes.  They approach Mr. Twinkacetti, who is standing by a display of Larry's furniture.  "Good morning, turnips," he greets them, "Boy, am I lucky guy!  Last night I won six hundred dollars in the poker game, and this junk'll be gone before lunch!"  "Mr. Twinkacetti, I'm gonna buy back my furniture for what you paid Balki for it," Larry announces.  "Come on, Appleton!" Twinkacetti whines, "You think I could sell this elegant decor for a measly seventy-five bucks?"  "Seventy-five bucks?" Larry cries, and turns on Balki, "You sold my furniture for seventy-five bucks?"  "Well, it made sense when Mr. Twinkacetti explained it," Balki says.  "I'll bet it did!" Larry says angrily, turning back to Twinkacetti.  "You can't do this to me.  It's not fair!"  "Ah, you're right," Twinkacetti sighs, "I shouldn't take advantage of a fellow member of the male brotherhood.  But then, as I recall, this male member is a code violator.  And I owe him nothing.  Zip, as in the big O."

The door of the store opens and a woman enters.  Mr. Twinkacetti immediately looks worried.  "My God, my wife!" he says quietly, moving to meet her, "Ah, Edwina!  My pet!  What a cherished moment!  Boys, my beloved wife."  "Hello, Mrs. Twinkacetti," Larry greets her.  "Oh, nice to see you, Larry," Mrs. Twinkacetti smiles, shaking Larry's hand, "And this must be Balki!"  Balki pulls her into a hug until Mr. Twinkacetti pulls her away.  "I have heard so much about you," she smiles.  "Well, I have heard so much about you, too, and I don't believe half of it!" Balki tells her.  Mr. Twinkacetti shakes his head until his wife turns to look at him and he smiles.  "We kid around!" he laughs.  "Did you enjoy going to the basketball game with my husband?" Mrs. Twinkacetti asks Balki.  
"Basketball?" Balki asks.  "Loved it!  Loved it!" Mr. Twinkacetti interrupts, seeing his wife is getting suspicious, "Remember, turnip?  Bouncy bouncy?"  Twinkacetti leads his wife to his office quickly, "Why don't we step into the office here.  I've got fresh coffee, we'll talk . . . "  "Balki, don't you see what happened?" Larry asks, "Mr. Twinkacetti told his wife he was with you last night."  "Oh!  Po po!" Balki says, realizing what this means.  "Balki!  Friend!  Member of the male brotherhood!" Twinkacetti gushes.  "Oh, so now I'm a member?" Balki asks.  "Are you kidding?" Twinkacetti says, saluting as he walks to them, "You're lieutenant!"  "How much do you like me?" Balki asks.  "Like you?  I'd give you a kidney!" Twinkacetti answers, "You'll cover for me, won't you, Balki?"  "Do you mind if I call you turnip?" Balki asks.  "Please!" Twinkacetti begs.

"Balki, Balki?" Larry warns.  "Watch and learn!" Balki says to Larry, then turns back to Twinkacetti, "I'll give you sixty-five dollars for this furniture, turnip."  Twinkacetti looks pains, offering, "Two hundred!"  Balki motions for him to lower the price.  "One seventy-five," Twinkacetti tries.  Balki motions again.  Twinkacetti growls, offering, "One hundred.  And some glass beads.  Good deal, huh?"  Balki says firmly, "One dollar."  Twinkacetti scoffs at this until his wife comes out of the office.  "Donald?" she calls.  "Sold!" Twinkacetti agrees.  Mrs. Twinkacetti walks up to her husband and taps his shoulder, saying, "Donald, the strangest thing . . . I found six hundred dollars in your office hidden behind your photo of Gordon Liddy."  "You should keep your money in a bank!" Balki says.  "I feel terrible," Mrs. Twinkacetti continues, "I was thinking . . . well, I was thinking that you probably didn't go to a basketball game last night.  You know, for one crazy moment I suspected you were playing poker with your sleazy friend."  Twinkacetti laughs, looking back at the guys until Mrs. Twinkacetti grabs his lapel and spins his head back around to her.  "But I know that couldn't be true because our marriage is based on mutual trust.  And if you ever violate that trust I'll break your chubby, little legs!"

Twinkacetti turns to Balki and Larry and laughs, saying, "We kid around!"  "Donnie, I want you to watch me spend your money," Mrs. Twinkacetti says, taking him by the arm and leading him out of the store, saying "Bye, boys!"  "Bye bye now!" Larry says and turns to Balki.  "You did good!"  "Thank you," Balki smiles, "I have a dark side."  "Well, help me get this furniture upstairs and tonight I'll teach you how to balance your checkbook," Larry promises.  "Okay," Balki says, "And then I teach you how to balance a broom on your nose."   They start to pick up Larry's sofa when Larry pulls his back again and cries in pain.  "Oh Cousin, your back is still hurting," Balki realizes, then he walks over to him.  "I think it's time I took your back by the horns."  Balki throws his arms around Larry from behind and lifts him off the ground quickly, dropping him again.  "Oh, Balki!" Larry cries, then realizes, "Balki!  My back!  It doesn't hurt!"  "Of course not!" Balki says, "Balki fixed it!"  "Well, that's incredible!" Larry smiles.  "Yes!" Balki agrees, "Of course, sometimes there are side effects."  Larry's eyes open wider and he says, "Balki . . . I can't move my arms."  "Thatís one of them," Balki says worriedly.  "Now what?" asks Larry.  "Well, for that you got to go to a doctor."  The scene fades as Larry tries vainly to swing his arms up to hit Balki.

Continue on to the next episode . . .