Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 06 - Happy Birthday, Baby

First Air Date: April 29, 1986
Nielsen Rating: 18.5 HH

Co-Producer: James OíKeefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Chip Keyes & Doug Keyes
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Ernie Sabella: Mr. Twinkacetti
Lise Cutter: Susan Campbell

Guest Cast:
Georgia Harrell: Tina
Karl Johnson: Snake
Greg Finley: Officer Finley
Vinny Argiro: Lou
Harry Woolf: Max
Pat Cranshaw: Street Person
Anthony Grumbach: Delivery Man
Myra Turley: Sandra

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri appears in the second half, sleeping with Balki when Larry awakens him at 2:00 a.m. Larry later asks to borrow Dimitri to take to bed with him as a comfort to his misery.

Balki-isms:
"Boy, somebody got up on the wrong side of the flock."
"What is this? Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Heckle?"
"Now you go mix and mangle."

Donít be ridiculous: Said once.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Donít you ever, EVER, do that again!"

Other running jokes used in this episode:
The Dance of Joy
Larry goes for the Maalox in this episode, but with a spoon (although he doesn't necessarily use it . . . see script variations below)
Slapping one another lightly, building into pushing or grabbing one another

Songs: "Happy Birthday to You" - sung by the late night party guests

Interesting facts:
-
The title "Happy Birthday, Baby" is a line from the late 50's, early 60's pop song, Happy Happy Birthday Baby.
-
The line in which Balki says "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Heckle?" (instead of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde of literary fame) refers to two popular Terrytoons characters, a pair of crows named Heckle and Jeckle who were popular from the late 40's to the mid-60's.
- This episode marks the first time Balki and Larry would do the Dance of Joy together completely and in reaction to some good news.
- This is the only time the Myposian tradition of giving other people presents on your birthday is mentioned.
- This was the first, and last, appearance of the character Tina.
happybirthdaygrab03.JPG (47186 bytes)- On the Happy Birthday sign which Balki has apparently spray painted at the last minute he has spelled Larryís name "Lary," which is closer to the way he actually pronounces it.
- We learn in this episode that Mypos has a 7-11.
- On this birthday Larry turns 24.  Balki would celebrate his 25th birthday in the fourth season episode Wedding Belle Blues, indicating that while close in age Balki is the younger of the two.
- After Balki pretends to having something in his nose to cover up the sound of the potato chips crunching under the couch cushion, he wipes his nose and proceeds to wipe it on his pants leg.
- Many times Bronson commented in interviews that he would lose it while filming and even giggle noticeably on film.  This is one episode in which this is quite obvious, especially during he whole "You locked me in the closet!" exchange (this may even be the incident which got him called on the carpet by the producers).
- The reference Larry makes to Tony Perkins wearing a house dress and carrying a very large kitchen knife comes from the classic Alfred Hitchcock film Psycho.
- We also learn that Larry has an Uncle Leo who owns a nut farm.
happybirthdaygrab05.JPG (39073 bytes)- At the end of the detailed and complicated "party hiding scene" Larry picks up a newspaper, the headline of which reads, quite appropriately, "Confusion grows."  It's notable that the newspaper happens to be a copy of the Chicago Chronicle, the paper Larry and Balki would be working for at the start of season three!
- When Larry wants to wake Balki up he makes the sound of a wolf howling, which scares Balki awake in a moment crying "Wolf in the flock! Wolf in  the flock!" This same joke was originally used in the unaired pilot episode with Louie Anderson (see our synopsis for that episode by clicking here).
- Balki's Myposian alphabet blanket seen in the episode Baby, You Can Drive My Car is seen again here on Balkiís bed.  We can see now that it has numbers as well as letters.
- During the party scene, Balki (or rather Bronson) takes great pains to pull the confetti out of Larry (or rather Mark's) hair on at least two occasions.
- Harry Woolf, who plays Max the news stand man in this episode will also appear as the Group Guide in Up a Lazy River, Part One.
- This episode epitomizes the overall theme of the series better than any so far . . . the idea of having a dream and working hard to pursue it, not giving up no matter what and also the importance of supporting your friends and their dreams.
- It was during the production of this episode that Markís father passed away. Considering how good Mark is in this particular episode itís really a credit to his professionalism that he did such a good job at such a difficult time.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
-
When Larry sits on the couch with his bottle of antacid he has a spoon.  But when he puts the bottle down on the coffee table there is no sign of the spoon any more!
-
When Balki tells Larry he looks miserable and suggests he should lie down he raises his arms and then lowers them, but when they cut to another camera angle his arms are up, motioning toward the bedroom.
-
When Larry emerges from his bedroom in the dark he is carrying a trophy to use as self-defense. But in the future episode The Unnatural Larry bemoans the fact he has never won a trophy in his life.


Synopsis:
The episode opens in the Ritz Discount Store.  Larry is at the counter working on some bookkeeping while he waits for the phone to ring.  "Why don't they call?" he asks himself, looking at the phone, then tries to work again.  "They said they'd call!"  Finally he's fed up and rips the paper from the adding machine and says, "I'll tell you why, because nobody ever returns your calls!"  Balki enters from upstairs, carrying a box.  Once he puts this down he moves to pick up the phone but Larry stops him.  "What are you doing?" Larry asks.  "Making a phone call," Balki answers.  "Balki, use the phone, I'll break a bone," Larry threatens.  Balki takes his hand off the receiver and Larry hugs the phone to his chest.  "Boy, somebody got up on the wrong side of the flock!" Balki notes, "What the matter with you is?"  "Nothing the matter with me is!" Larry insists, "Everything's fine . . . just a little tense.  Anxious.  Upset.  Irritable.  And I certainly didn't get up on the wrong side of the flock!"

The phone rings.  Larry holds the entire phone up to his ear, saying, "Hello, Ritz . . . " before realizing his mistake.  He puts the phone down and picks up the receiver, but it is upside down.  "Hello?"  Larry switches hands and gets it right.  "Hello, Ritz Discount?  Yes, this is Larry Appleton.  You're kidding!  Great!  I'll be there!"  Larry hangs up, now smiling.  "This may be the greatest day of my life!"  "Now you happy?" Balki asks, "What is this?  Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Heckyll?"  Larry gets his jacket from the barber's chair and puts it on.  "Balki, that was the photo editor from the Chicago Weekly Gazette.  You remember that picture I submitted yesterday of the burning building?  Well, they want to print it!"  "Cousin Larry, congratulations!" Balki says happily.  "I gotta be there at six to sign a release and get paid!" Larry continues, "Balki, this is my first sale!"  "Oh Cousin, you a professional picture-taker, it's your dream come true!  Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy!"  Balki begins to do the dance but Larry stops him.  "Balki . . . a photojournalist must maintain a modicum of dignity."  Larry starts to turn away then stops, saying, "Let's boogie!"  They do the Dance of Joy.  The three customers in the shop applaud and Balki puts Larry down, both looking a bit embarrassed.  Balki starts taking shirts out of the box he brought out earlier and putting them on a table.

"I can't believe it," Larry sighs, "This is a terrific birthday present."  "Today is your birthday?" Balki asks.  "Yeah," Larry smiles.  "Happy birthday!" Balki offers.  "Thank you."  "What did you get me?" Balki asks excitedly.  "Well, I . . . " Larry begins, then realizes what Balki said, "What d'ya mean, what did I get you?  I'm the one who's supposed to get the presents."  "You're supposed to get the presents?" Balki asks in surprise, then realizes, "You get presents on your birthday?"  "Well, of course, that's an American birthday tradition," Larry explains, "Haven't you ever heard of that?"  Balki looks uncomfortable, then says, "Of course I have, don't be ridiculous."  After a moment Balki asks sadly, "I suppose this means you also didn't bake me a cake?"  "What can I say?" Larry asks, "I'm scum."  "Well, it's all right, I forgive you because I'm so happy for you," Balki smiles, then asks, "Why you didn't tell me it's our birthday?"  "I don't know, I guess I just wasn't in the mood to celebrate this year.  But things are looking up!"  Larry holds his hands out as if imagining a credit.  "Photo by Larry Appleton."  Mr. Twinkacetti enters the store.  "Well, look here!" he announces, "If it isn't Tweedledum . . . and Tweedledumber."  "Mr. Twinkacetti, good news!" Balki begins, "Cousin Larry sold a photograph!  It's his dream come true!"  "Wise up, Appleton," Mr. Twinkacetti sneers, "You're gonna grow old and gray busting your butt for me right here until you die.  Grim, isn't it?"  Mr. Twinkacetti shakes his head and walks away.

"Not even Twinkacetti can spoil this," Larry insists, "Well, I better leave."  Larry goes behind the counter to get his camera bag.  "Well, you got one hour," Balki points out.  "Well, Balki, what if there's a traffic jam?" Larry asks, "What if the elevator gets stuck between floors?  What if the building burns down?"  "What if a giant prehistoric monster crawls out of Lake Michigan and eats Chicago?" Balki asks facetiously.  "You're right!  I'd better get a move on!" Larry agrees, and heads to the front door.  He reaches it just as Susan and Tina are entering.  "Hi, Larry," Susan says.  "Sorry!  No time!  Gotta run!" Larry says, racing out the door past them.  He then stops and comes back for a second, explaining, "I sold a picture!"  "That's great!" Tina says.  "Wow!  Fabulous!" Susan adds as Larry runs back out the door.  The girls walk over to where Balki is working.  "Hi, Susan . . . Tina," he offers.  They say hi.  "He's excited and he should be," Balki continues, "Not only he sold a photograph but it's his birthday."  "Oh!  Let's throw him a surprise birthday party!" Susan suggests.  "Oh, good idea," Balki agrees, "When.  Don't tell me!"  Susan looks taken aback.  "I want it to be a surprise," Balki explains excitedly.

That night, Balki, Tina and Susan are in the apartment preparing the party.  Balki finishes putting up a makeshift, spray-painted banner which reads "Happy Birthday, Cousin Lary."  "Okay, we put all the food there . . . "  Balki indicates the coffee table.  " . . . and we put the balloons here . . . "  He motions to the end table.  " . . . and . . . what this?"  He picks up a blowout party favor from a box of favors and blows into it, the paper blowing out with a noise.  "Isn't that something?" he asks with amazement, "Only in America!  You know in Mypos to do that we had to squeeze a frog."  Tina checks out the window and cries, "It's Larry!"  "Oh, he's early!" Susan cries, looking out the window as well, "What do we do?"  "Okay, okay," Balki says, taking charge, "You go downstairs and head everybody off.  I'll hide the party stuff and that way we all surprise him at the same moment."  The girls run out the door.  Balki frantically starts to hide all the party things.  He puts the punch bowl in the refrigerator.  He picks up a bowl of peanuts and empties it into his pants' pocket.  He grabs the bags of potato chips from the table and hurriedly stuffs them under the left cushion of the couch.

At this moment Larry walks in the door, not looking happy.  "Cousin, how did it go at the newspaper?" Balki asks after Larry has set his camera bag down on a chair.  "Oh fine, everything's fine!" Larry says sarcastically, walking underneath the birthday banner but not seeing it, "They liked me!  They loved my photograph.  Oh, it went great!  Everything's fine.  Fine, fine, fine."  While Larry is complaining, Balki reaches up and manages to pull down the banner without Larry noticing.  Larry goes to the refrigerator and takes out his Maalox without really looking inside, then grabs a spoon.  "I sense you have left out some small but important detail," Balki notes, tossing the banner into the refrigerator and closing the door.  "Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that the jerks didn't want to buy my photograph after all?"  Larry walks to the couch as Balki manages to grab the box of party favors from the end table and hide them behind the couch.  "Oh Cousin, that's terrible!  Why not?"  Larry is about to sit on the left side of the couch but Balki manages to push him as he's sitting so that he lands on the right side instead.  "Well, at the last minute they decided to use a picture taken by some other guy."  "Oh," Balki sighs sympathetically.  "And get this . . . the guy just happens to live next door to the publisher's barber," Larry notes, "Talk about your nepotism."  "Well, I'd love to talk about my nepotism but I don't know what that is," Balki confesses.

"You know what they used?" Larry scoffs, "The oldest cliche in the book . . . a baby being rescued from the burning building.  News value.  The baby wasn't even that cute."  "Oh, Cousin, you must be so disappointed," Balki sighs.  "Well, another birthday, another banner year of failure with a capital F for Larry Appleton," Larry sighs, taking off his jacket and walking to the closet, "Huh!  Well, that's it.  No more.  Me, a photojournalist.  It's time I realized my limitations."  He tosses his jacket toward the hook on the closet door but it misses and falls to the floor.  Larry puts a hand to his head in frustration.  "Cousin, you just didn't sell one picture," Balki points out.  "No, it's not just the one picture," Larry explains, walking back to the couch, "Don't you see the significance of this?  I may as well throw my master plan right out the window."  "No, no, you don't throw your master plan right out the window," Balki argues, then asks, "What is a master plan?"  "Don't they have anything on Mypos besides sheep?" Larry asks.  "Well, we got a 7/11," Balki answers.  They sit down on the couch, Larry sitting on the right side and Balki sitting on the left cushion which crushes the bags of potato chips with a loud noise.  Larry looks at Balki with confusion and Balki starts blowing his noise, pretending that was the noise Larry heard.

"See, my master plan is a schedule of how I want to achieve my goal in life," Larry explains.  "Oh, and at twenty-four you were supposed to sell a photograph," Balki notes.  "At twenty-four I was supposed to win a Pulitzer Prize," Larry corrects, "I was supposed to sell my first photograph when I was sixteen."  "Well, Cousin, call me cuckoo but instead of giving up on life why you don't just change your plan, give yourself more time?"  "Oh, sure!  Sure!" Larry says, "And then what do I do the next year?  And the year after that?  Before you know it I'm an eighty-five year old aspiring photojournalist."  Larry leans back on the couch and Balki shifts his weight, trying not to make any more noise than possible with the chips crackling beneath him.  "Well, I guess the way you feel what would make you feel a little better would be to have a nice dinner with some friends or maybe . . . a party?"  "A party?" Larry asks with disgust, "Are you nuts?  I don't even want to hear the word birthday."  Larry tosses a pillow from the couch to the chair but misses.  "Spend an evening with a roomful of people saying 'Hi!  How's it goin', Larry?  Whatever happened to the ol' master plan?'  That's all I need!  Thank God I didn't tell anyone else it's my birthday."  Balki looks worried.  He looks even more worried when there is a knock at the door.  "This could get ugly," Balki sighs.

Act two picks begins where act one left off.  The person outside the door knocks again.  "I'll get it," Larry says, getting up from the couch.  "No, no, Cousin," Balki says, getting up as well and hurrying around the opposite side to reach the door first, "I'll take care of this."  Balki opens the door quickly and shouts "Go away!" to the party goers outside before slamming the door shut again as Larry reaches it.  Someone has blown a blowout party favor through the doorway and it gets stuck in the door.  "Took care of that," Balki states.  The person on the other side of the door pulls the party favor back through the crack before Larry can see it.  "Cousin, you look miserable," Balki sighs, "Why don't you go lie down?"  "Well, I might as well get some sleep now," Larry sighs, "Just hope my tears don't short-circuit the electric blanket."  Larry starts back to his bedroom and Balki opens the front door, waving frantically at the group outside to go away.  Larry returns to the front door which Balki slams shut again.  "I can't sleep," Larry says, "I'm hungry."  "Well, what about some peanuts?" Balki asks, reaching into his pants' pocket to pull out a handful which he gives to Larry.  "Thanks," Larry says, then thinks about this.  "Why have you got peanuts in that pocket?"  "Because I have a squirrel in this one," Balki answers, motioning to the pocket on the other side.  "Why did I ask?" Larry wonders.

Larry heads toward the closet to pick up his jacket and put it away.  "Cousin," Balki says, "Cousin, Cousin . . . don't do that!"  "I'm just gonna hang up my coat," Larry explains, opening the closet door.  While his back is turned to the closet, a large amount of helium-filled balloons come out and fly up to the ceiling without Larry noticing.  Larry turns to put his jacket away and Balki pushes him roughly into the closet, grabbing the chair from the nearby desk to put under the doorknob so Larry can't get out.  Larry calls out Balki's name from inside the closet, but Balki runs to the front door and opens it but blocks everyone's entrance.  "No, no!  You can't come in!"  "Balki, you invited us, remember?" Tina reminds him.  "Please," Balki cries, "I've got Cousin Larry locked in the closet.  There's no party!  I made a big mistake!  Stupid Balki!  Now go away!"  Balki closes the door and then walks back to the closet where Larry is pounding on the door.  Balki removes the chair and grabs the doorknob, bracing himself and stepping away as he opens the door and Larry rushes out in a furious frenzy.  Larry eyes Balki angrily.  "Don't you ever . . . ever do that again!" Larry snarls.  "Do what?" Balki asks innocently.  "You locked me in the closet!" Larry points out.  "No, I didn't," Balki argues.  "What do you mean you didn't?" Larry cries in disbelief, "You shoved me in the closet and you locked the door!"  "No way," Balki emphatically insists, "Uh uh!"

"What do you mean no way?" Larry asks, "I am not crazy!"  Balki holds out his hand and turns it to indicate "maybe a little" as he says, "Well, you get a little . . . "  Larry slaps Balki's hand down and Balki, in turn, slaps Larry's stomach.  Larry grabs Balki by the shirt in earnest, losing it.  "I suppose you're going to tell me there was no one at the door!"  "What door?" Balki asks.  "That door!  That closet!" Larry shouts.  "I don't know what you're talking about," Balki says.  "Okay, okay fine!" Larry gives up, "You didn't lock me in the closet.  There was no one at the door.  We're not having this conversation.  This whole day has been part of some cosmic cruelty joke!  Ha ha, fine!"  Larry walks past Balki then stops, turning as he says, "Oh!  If Tony Perkins shows up wearing a house dress and carrying a very large kitchen knife . . . tell him I'm in the shower!"  Larry storms off to his bedroom.  The telephone rings.  Balki picks it up and answers, "Hello?  Oh, hello, Larry's mommy!  How are you?  Oh, you want to wish him a happy birthday?"  Balki looks worriedly toward the bathroom.  "Well, you don't want to do that.  Why?  He can't talk to you.  Why?  Because he lost his voice and that's that."  After a moment, Balki says, "Oh, I suppose he can just listen.  All right, one moment."  Balki motions to no one and says, "Cousin Larry, come over here."  He then holds the receiver down toward his feet as he taps his toes as if someone is approaching.

"Here he is," Balki tells Larry's mom, "Go ahead."  Balki holds the phone out in front of him and wait.  He listens briefly, realizes she is still talking, and holds it out again.  Finally he asks, "Are you done?  Well, I don't know what you said, honey, but he's wearing a big happy face!  Yes, he is, and I said . . . "  Larry comes out of his bedroom wearing a robe and Balki shouts, "All the best!" into the receiver and hangs up quickly.  "Most utterly miserable day of my entire miserable life," Larry complains, walking into the bathroom and slamming the door.  There is a knock at the door and Balki opens it to reveal a man holding a pink cake box.  "You order a birthday cake?" the man asks.  "Oh please," Balki begs, trying to close the door, "Party's over."  The man catches the door and steps inside, crying, "Oh, hey hey hey!  You paid for it, you take it!"  The man hands Balki the box and closes the door behind him.  Balki opens the box to look inside as he heads for the kitchen.  At that moment the bathroom door opens and Balki turns his back to hide the cake from Larry, who is wearing a shower cap and has a towel over his shoulder.  "Of course!  No hot water!" Larry complains, throwing the towel and shower cap aside, "Why should I expect hot water?"

Balki has set the cake box on the table and hurries to open one of the windows.  He runs back to the cake box to get the cake as Larry continues to complain.  "I should have gone into motel management.  Or nut farming with my Uncle Leo."  Balki rushes to the window with the cake, not realizing the window has slowly dropped back shut.  Balki hurls the cake at the window and it hits the glass with a loud splat!  Larry is heading for the living room, crying, "But no!  No, I had to be a photojournalist!"  Balki desperately tries to use a framed picture to wipe the cake and frosting from the window.  Finally he turns around with his back to the window and spreads his arms in an attempt to cover it from Larry, who has walked to the coffee table and picked up a newspaper.  "Wel, I tell ya, it's time for action," Larry continues, "Where are the want ads?  It's time I faced reality!  You know, this is the best thing that's ever happened to me."  Larry pauses and looks at Balki, who is still spread across the window.  Larry smiles and notes, "I like that shirt!"  Larry walks back to his room, leaving Balki looking at his shirt, exhausted.

Late that night, Balki is sleeping on the sofa bed, holding Dimitri.  Larry walks out his bedroom, turning on the lights.  "This is typical, this is so typical!" Larry complains, "I am suffering a personal crisis of major proportion and you are off in dreamland with a stuffed sheep."  Balki doesn't stir.  "Balki.  Balki?  Balki!" Larry calls, pushing on the mattress.  Still Balki doesn't awaken.  Larry thinks a moment, then raises a hand to his mouth and lets out a low howl.  Balki is immediately awake, crying, "Wolf in the flock!  Wolf in the flock!"  After a moment, Balki looks up at Larry.  "Nightmare?" Larry asks.  "Don't do that," Balki scolds.  "Balki, how can you sleep at a time like this?" Larry cries.  Balki looks over at the clock and notes, "It's two a.m."  "I've spent five hours coming to a realization," Larry sighs, "I'm a failure.  The only job I'm actually qualified for is clerk in a discount store."  "Well good news, you've got that job already," Balki says, reaching over and grabbing the clock to show Larry, "Have you noticed the time?"  "Yes, I've noticed the time," Larry sighs, "I'm twenty-four.  Time ran out at midnight."

"Oh Cousin, you're being too hard on yourself," Balki says.  "I'm a loser in life," Larry continues, "And the proof is that nobody even bothered to acknowledge my birthday."  Balki's eyes open wide with surprise.  "But you said you don't want anyone to even say birthday!"  "Sure I said it, I didn't mean it," Larry explains.  This is news to Balki.  "Yes, you did!" he insists.  "No, I didn't," Larry confirms.  "Well, you fooled me, buddy," Balki notes.  "No one acknowledged my birthday.  Not Tina, not Susan, not even my mom.  I thought at least my mom liked me.  Even you, my best friend, didn't go to the trouble of getting a simple card to say 'Happy Birthday, Cousin Larry.  You may be a failure in every other area of your life but at least you have one friend.'"  "No, Cousin, now wait a minute!" Balki protests.  "Balki, too little, too late," Larry stops him, "It doesn't matter now.  My birthday's over.  Did anybody notice?  Nooooo!"  Larry gets up and walks around to the back of the couch, then stops.  "Balki, uh . . . do you . . . do you think I might, uh . . . be able to, uh . . . borrow your, uh . . . "  Balki picks up Dimitri and hands him to Larry.  Larry hugs the toy and says, "Thanks.  I'm pathetic."  Larry walks slowly back his bedroom, shutting off the lights behind him.  Balki sits in bed in the dark, thinking.

Even later, the apartment is still dark.  Balki is standing at the edge of the kitchen and drops a large tin on the floor, making a loud noise.  He looks to see if Larry has heard.  He picks up the tin and drops it again.  This time the door to Larry's room opens and Balki grabs the tin and ducks out of sight.  Larry slowly walks out into the hallway, holding a trophy as a weapon.  "Balki?" Larry calls in a voice just above a whisper.  When there is no answer, he ventures out further, calling again, "Balki is that you?"  The lights suddenly come on and a bunch of people around the apartment jump up and throw confetti, yelling, "Surprise!"  Larry is shocked.  "Surprise?  What . . . a surprise burglary??"  Balki has sneaked up behind Larry and jumps forward saying, "No, Cousin!"  Larry screams in shock and Balki screams as well.  "No, it's a surprise birthday party!" Balki explains.  "Happy birthday!" everyone calls.  "I just . . . it's three in the morning!" Larry stammers, "Ah!  I don't believe it!  Aw, you really . . . "  He laughs as he looks around at the different faces, "you, you shouldn't have, uh . . . who are you people?"  "This is Max from the news stand near the bus stop," Balki introduces the man to his left.  Max shakes Larry's hand, explaining, "Can't stay long, pal.  I gotta get downstairs for the night owl edition."  "Well, glad you could make it, uh . . . Max," Larry offers.  Balki moves to the policeman on the other side of Larry.  "This is Officer Finley."  "Yo!" Officer Finley says, giving Larry a thumbs up.  "Hi," Larry greets him.  Balki leads Larry to the couch where a woman is crouching.  "And this is Sandra from the donut shop," Balki explains as she stands up.  "Hi, hi," Larry says, shaking her hand, "Uh, could you folks excuse us for just a minute."

Larry turns to Balki and says, "Balki, I don't know these people!"  "Well, I invite them to your birthday party," Balki explains, "Now tell me the truth . . . are you really surprised?"  "Stunned," Larry answers.  Balki is thrilled.  "You were so sad that I decide to call up all of our friends and invite them to your party."  "At three a.m.?" Larry asks.  "That's what they said!" Balki notes, "So I had to go out and invite Sandra and Max and the others because it's not a party if nobody comes.  Now you go mix and mangle."  Balki turns Larry around as an elderly, and obviously intoxicated, older gentlemen approaches with a bottle of wine.  "Say . . . you guys got a corkscrew?" he asks.  "Top drawer, next to the sink," Larry forces a smile.  "Thanks," the man says, and goes to the kitchen.  "Who is that?" Larry asks.  "Well, I think it must be a friend of Lou's," Balki answers.  "Oh," Larry says, then asks, "Who's Lou?"  A huge man with a snake tattoo on his arm grabs Larry's shoulder.  "Hey," he says, "Happy birthday, guy."  "Oh, uh, thank you," Larry says, shaking his hand, then ventures, "uh . . . Lou?"  "Snake," the man corrects.  "Snake," Larry repeats.  "Yeah.  I was over at the donut shop and, uh . . . what's his name came in.  Hey, you are one lucky dude to have him as your friend."  "Well, not a day goes by I don't ask myself what I did to deserve him," Larry smiles.  Balki is touched and says, "You don't mean that."  "Oh, yes I do," Larry assures him.

Everyone approaches them.  "It's your birthday, is it?" Sandra asks.  "Yes," Larry confirms.  "Lou told me," Sandra says, pulling a gold box from behind her back, "Here ya go!"  She and the others encourage Larry to open it.  "Oh oh, no no, this is really . . . "  Larry opens the box and looks inside.  "Oh!  Crullers!  Crullers, how did you know?"  "I didn't," Sandra answers, "It's just one of those gifts that can't miss."  "Why don't you make a speech, Cousin?" Balki encourages him.  Everyone agrees.  Larry shakes his head but then a man insists, "Yeah, yeah.  Go ahead, say somethin'."  "Who are you?" Larry asks.  "I'm Lou!" the man answers.  "Oh, you're Lou!" Larry exclaims, shaking the man's hand, "Well, I have heard so much about you."  "Speech, speech!" everyone reminds him.  "Oh gosh, uh . . . well, I, I . . . I hardly know what to say," Larry begins, "Uh, well . . . I'm just touched and moved that you all went to all this trouble . . . Max and Snake . . . Sandra . . . well, what can I say?  Everybody . . . you're the best.  And I just want you to know that it's times like this that a man realizes who his friends are.  So, I just wanna say thank you and I'll never forget this birthday as long as I live."  Everyone applauds.  "Excuse me, sir," Officer Finley interrupts, "me and Lou, we gotta run.  I'm sorry."  "You're sorry?" Lou asks, and he lifts his arm to show he and the officer are handcuffed together.  "Bye, bye!" Officer Finley offers as they head to the door, "Happy birthday!"  Everyone wishes them goodbye.  Balki calls from the kitchen, "Everybody start singing!"  They all start singing happy birthday, then get to the third line and sing, "Happy birthday dear . . . . "  After a pause Larry says, "Larry."  " . . . Larry!" everyone sings, "Happy birthday to you!"  Balki comes from the kitchen with a cupcake with a lit candle in it and sets it down on the television.  "All right, here we go!" Larry says, and he blows out the candle as everyone applauds.

It is dawn and the party is over.  Balki is dressed in pajamas again and folds down the sheets on his bed.  He walks behind the couch and Larry meets him there.  "You know, Balki, believe it or not . . . that was one of the best birthday's I've ever had."  "Oh, now you see you're not a failure because you have friends," Balki offers.  "Thank you, Balki.  That was one of the nicest things anybody's ever done for me."  "Oh, Cousin, I throw it together at the last minute . . . twice," Balki says.  "You know, I learned something else tonight," Larry continues, "I can't give up my dream of becoming a photojournalist."  "Why not?" Balki asks.  "Well, for one thing, it's the only dream I've got," Larry answers, "But who was it that said 'You can't set your watch by a dream.  They operate on schedules all their own?'"  "I said that," Balki replies, handing Larry a card from the end table, "I wrote on your birthday card."  "I knew it was somebody important," Larry smiles, "Thanks, Balki . . . for the party and for helping me keep my dream alive."  "Well, Cousin, that's what friends do," Balki comments.  He starts getting into bed and says, "Good night."  "Good night," Larry offers, and walks back into his bedroom.  Larry starts to shut his bedroom door when the bathroom door opens and the elderly wino steps out and calls, "I think we're out of ice!"  Larry comes out of his room and Balki looks up over the back of the couch as they share a look and the episode ends.


Script Variations:
There are a few slight variations from the Final Draft script dated April 17, 1986 and what was filmed and used on April 18th:
- Instead of Balki saying someone has "got up on the wrong side of the flock" he says "somebody's Mr. Grumpy-puss."
- In this version before they do the Dance of Joy Larry puts on his coat.  When Balki points out he has an hour yet Larry answers "I don't want to waste time buttoning later."
- This script indicates that while Larry takes a spoon for his Maalox he fills it and then proceeds drinks all the Maalox out of the bottle, then swallows the spoonful as well!  Since we never actually see Larry drink any Maalox in the aired episode it's hard to know if the scene was filmed this way or not.
- In this script when Larry asks Balki is they have anything in Mypos besides sheep Balki answers "That's about it" instead of "Well, we got a 7-11."
- After Larry says he was supposed to sell his first photograph at 16 he goes on to say "I'll admit that was a little ambitious . . . since I didn't get my camera until I was eighteen."
- When there is knocking at the door Larry says "I'll get it.  It's that's Goodwill, I've got some bad news."
- When Balki's trying to get everyone at the door to leave instead of saying "Stupid Balki!  Go away!" he says "Thanks for coming, everybody, let's do it again real soon . . . "
- Instead of throwing the birthday cake into the fallen window pane, Balki misses the window altogether and throws the cake onto the wall instead.
- There are a few bits of conversation after Larry wakes Balki up at 2:00 a.m. which are different than what aired.  For instance Larry says "I'm a failure.  A monumental failure.  And do you know what?"  At this point Balki answers, "It's two a.m."  Larry goes on to say "I have not lived up to my Master Plan.  Ergo, I'm a loser.  Ergo, ergo, everybody knows I'm a loser."  A few lines later Balki says "Aren't you being a little hard on yourself?  You've got a whole lifetime ahead of you.  Dreams can come true.  It can happen to you."  To which Larry answers "Balki, Balki, you're so young.  The point is, I've realized the ultimate proof I'm a loser.  No one even bothered to acknowledge my birthday."
- Right before Larry asks for Dimitri he says "Not only am I wash out as a professional photojournalist, I'm a wash out as a human being.  Nobody likes me."
- The script specifies that Larry is carrying a bowling trophy when he ventures into the darkened living room.
- The show's pivotal quote is different by one word: "You can't set your watch by a dream.  They operate on timetables all their own."

Continue on to the next episode . . .