Strangers Episode Guide
08 - Hunks Like Us (aka At the Gym)
First Air Date:
September 24, 1986
Nielsen Rating: 17.4 HH
TV Guide Description: Larry
and Balki join a health club and overdo the exercise trying to impress Jennifer
and Mary Anne, which leaves the guys too pooped to go out with them.
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Alan Mandel
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Ernie Sabella: Mr. Twinkacetti
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Ann
Richard Brose: Hunk
Lisa Coppenolle: Woman
Vanessa Paul: Instructor
"I joined a healthy club."
"I'm trying to unjoin Reuben's Perfect Body."
"I am Conehead the Barbarian!"
"I just hate sitting around like a bump on a frog."
"We are not the jerks you thought we were."
ridiculous: Not said in this episode.
used in this episode:
"Watch . . . and learn!"
"I don't think so."
"What are we talking about?"
"Cousin Larry, you are a genius!"
Other running jokes
used in this episode:
Larryís tendency to laugh two or three times in a huffy manner before stating
something (this was known as Larry's shmuck laugh)
Jennifer finds Balki and Larry in a strangely compromising and embarrassing
Balki quoting a saying in Myposian before translating it into English
Larry grabs Balki by the shirt
Larry refers to sex and he and Balki nudge each other knowingly before Balki
reveals he doesnít know what theyíre talking about
Larry has a plan
Balki and Larry performing a short dance other than the Dance of Joy (in this
case they do a very short little dance bit when they anticipate dancing with
Jennifer and Mary Anne but in future episodes some of their dance routines would
become quite elaborate)
Balki and Larry sit down simultaneously
This is the first time the cousins meet Jennifer Lyons and Mary Anne Spencer
(Mary Anne's last name isn't given until season six).
- The title of this episode was likely inspired by
the 1985 film Spies Like Us.
- This episode marks the first appearance of
Jennifer and Mary Anne who would be Balki and Larryís steady girlfriends
throughout the series, eventually becoming their wives! Itís notable
that Larry states within moments of meeting her that he is in love with Jennifer
and thinks they are going
to spend the rest of their lives together.
- When Larry enters the health club a woman crosses
in front of the camera wearing a shirt with the logo "Perfect Body"
written on it in the same font as the original Perfect Strangers logo.
- Jennifer was introduced in this episode as
Jennifer Lyons. It wasn't until the sixth season episode, Black Widow,
that we would learn Mary Anne's last name is Spencer.
- Look closely and you'll see Mary Anne at the far
left of the screen in the very first shot of the gym. She then walks to
the right as Larry enters.
- In the end credits Mary Anne's name is spelled
"Mary Ann." But it was always spelled "Mary Anne" in
the scripts and elsewhere.
was during rehearsals for this episode, the first in which Bronson and Mark
worked with Melanie Wilson and Rebeca Arthur, that a particularly odd and
embarrassing thing happened. The four were squeezed together on the couch
working out ideas for the scene in which they offer the girls wine while they
are too stiff and sore to move. As they worked through some ideas Bronson
was laughing because it was all so silly. At one point Mark was pouring
the "wine" (using water) and some of it accidentally spilled onto
Bronson's arm. Now, have you ever heard of the camp / fraternity practical
joke in which you're supposed to put someone's hand in a glass of warm water to
make them pee their bed? Well this same chemical reaction, between the
laughing and the water, happened here and Bronson did actually wet himself.
He continued to laugh and someone finally said, "Bronson, it's not that
funny." Bronson then said, "I seem to have wet myself."
Everyone reacted with "Oh right, ha ha, very funny," until the girl
next to him (probably Rebeca) cried out "Oh, he has!" Bronson
would eventually share this story during a 1989 appearance on The Arsenio
Hall Show, which you can now view on our YouTube
- When Balki and Larry offers the girls some wine
Jennifer says they donít drink, but in the episode Pipe Dreams the
girls bring them a bottle of wine which they all sit down to drink.
Cousin TorinoKitty spotted this one for us . . . the angle in this shot
while Balki and Larry are at the gym clearly shows the edge of the set's wall
and another set behind it (click on the thumbnail to see the screen grab.
We've lightened the picture to show that it's actually the exterior of the
apartment set, with the fire escape railings, window sill and curtains clearly
The episode begins with Larry standing on a small stepladder at the front of the
Ritz Discount Store cleaning the windows with a
squeegee. Mr. Twinkacetti enters and stop to watch Larry work.
"Oh, nice job!" Mr. Twinkacetti offers. "Thank you,"
Larry smiles. "You finally
found a task worthy of your talents," Mr. Twinkacetti smirks before walking
away. Balki runs into the store with his jacket over his shoulder.
"Cousin Larry, congratulate me!" "Congratulations,"
Larry says. "Thank you!" Balki smiles and moves away.
"Why?" Larry asks. "Because today I joined a healthy
club," Balki explains. Larry gets off the ladder and approaches Balki,
asking, "Now why do you have to do something like that?"
"Because you see this?" Balki asks, lifting Larry's right arm and
pinching the fat underneath his forearm, "Body fat. You don't need
it. But with aerobic exerceese and weight resistance, you can whittle away
that disgusting body bag of fat you got and reap cardiovascular benefits . . .
whatever those are . . . and if you join today . . . " "Balki,"
Larry interrupts the sales pitch, "Some of these clubs are just out to rip
Balki pouts, then asks, "What does
that mean?" "Turnip, turnip, turnip," Twinkacetti turns to
Balki, "They sell memberships to
maroons like you and then, uh . . . split town with all the dough."
He contemplates this a moment and sighs, "Wish I had thought of that."
"Do you want to join with me?" Balki asks Larry. "Not on
your life," Larry scoffs, pointing to his head, "This river runs too
deep." "You could meet woman in tight leotard," Balki
points out. "Balki, think about," Larry says, "Women who go
to those clubs aren't interested in guys like you and me. You're wasting
your money." "Well, if you say don't join I don't join,"
Balki states. "Don't join," Larry says clearly.
"Don't say that," Balki sighs with disappointment, "Okay, I call
and cancel my membership. But how I'm going to get exerceese?"
Balki reaches for the telephone receiver when Twinkacetti stops him.
"Hey, hey, hey, hey! You want exerceese? I got fifty cases of
motor oil in the stock room. Why don't you work out on those?"
Twinkacetti heads to his office. "And you said he doesnít care
about me!" Balki huffs at Larry before heading to the stock room.
Larry continues to clean the windows.
The front door opens behind him and a beautiful woman enters, looking around.
walks behind the woman and asks, "May I help you?" "Hi, I'm
looking for Balki Bartokomous," the woman says. Larry is immediately
smitten. "Well, Iím Balki Bartokomous . . . Ďs . . . cousin . . .
. " Larry fumbles, "Larry . . . Appleton." "Jennifer
Lyons," Jennifer introduces herself, "I sold Balki a membership to the
Perfect Body health club. He was so excited he forgot to sign the
application." "You're with Perfect Body?" Larry asks.
"Part time," Jennifer explains, "Are you a member?"
"Me? Uh . . . uh . . . no," Larry admits, "But I was, uh,
thinking of, uh, joining a health club . . . again." "Well,
Reuben's Perfect Body is the place," Jennifer assures him. "I
can see that," Larry comments, "I mean I would, uh, hope so."
Balki enters from the stock room carrying two boxes of motor oil.
"Jennifer!" he says, setting down the box, "That was quick.
I didn't even call you yet." "What do you mean?" Jennifer
"Well, what he means is, uh . . . he
was gonna call you, uh . . . to tell you that, uh . . . I wanted to join the
club with him," Larry says. "No,
Cousin," Balki tries to contradict. "Yes, Balki . . . "
"You said . . . " "I think you better let me explain this .
. . " "This river . . . this river runs so deep."
"Balki . . . excuse me . . . uh, could I talk to you for a moment?"
Larry pulls Balki away by the shirt and turns to Jennifer, saying, "We'll
be right back." Jennifer steps aside and Larry turns on Balki.
"What are you trying to do?" "I'm trying to unjoin Reuben's
Perfect Body," Balki answers. "You can't. I am in love
with her," Larry says seriously. Balki looks confused, then asks,
"Did I miss something?" "I think we are going to spend the
rest of our lives together," Larry says. Balki hooks his arms around
Larry's shoulders. "Not you and me!" Larry clarifies, motioning
with his head toward Jennifer. "Well, did you ask her out?"
Balki asks. Larry rolls his eyes and laughs, then shakes his head.
can take the boy out of Mypos," he sighs, "Women like this are only
interested in jocks. I can't just ask her out, I have to . . . deceive her
first." "Uh, excuse me, guys, but I have to get back to
work," Jennifer explains, "Could you sign this?" Balki
signs the application she has laid on the counter for him. "Why don't
you come with Balki tomorrow and see if you like the club," Jennifer
suggests to Larry. "Well, I guess I could," Larry smiles,
"I'll have to skip my fifteen mile run." "Good,"
Jennifer says, "Well, I'll see you both tomorrow morning."
"Okay," Larry smiles. Balki hands Jennifer the signed
application and she says, "Bye." "Bye, bye," Larry
calls after her. "Bye, Jennifer," Balki offers. Larry
stands quietly thinking until Balki says, "You run fifteen miles every day?
What do you do, get up real early before Iím awake?"
"Yes," Larry answers flatly.
The next morning at Reubenís Perfect
Body, Larry and Balki arrive to work out. There are numerous people
working out on
stationary bikes, floor mats and weight equipment. Larry comes in first,
dressed in a sweatshirt and sweatpants. Balki comes in dressed in an
old-fashioned gym-style outfit with long shorts and hard black shoes with black
socks. "So many women," Balki notes, "So little body
fat." "All right, look . . . here are the ground rules,"
Larry begins, "Jennifer is mine." "I saw her first!"
Balki points out. "But I lusted after her first," Larry
says, "This is America. Learn the customs." "I never
heared of that custom," Balki says suspiciously. "It's
new," Larry insists, "All right, now I'm gonna hit the weights.
Watch . . . and learn." They walk over to a weightlifting machine
where a large, muscular man has just finished working out. "Well,
there's a lot of weight on there," the man warns Larry, "You probably
want to lower it." "Naw," Larry says, "No pain, no
gain." Larry lays on his back on the bench and the man lowers the
handlebar for Larry to grab onto, saying, "Okay, let me give you a
hand." The man lets go and walks away as Larry is lifted up into the
air by the heavy weights.
"That other man must have been doing
it wrong," Balki comments. Larry eyes him in frustration.
"That's right," Larry finally says,
"Now help me down." Balki walks to Larry and pushes on his chest
until he is lying on the bench again. He lets go and Larry is lifted in
the air again. Balki pushes Larry down again and then lets go, letting
Larry rise. Balki continues to do this, smiling and saying, "This is
fun!" "Just get me down!" Larry yells. Balki lays
across Larry's chest and pushes him down to the bench, then climbs on top of him
to hold him down just as Jennifer walks up to them. "Hi, guys,"
she says. They look up and say, "Hi!" Balki gets off Larry
and Larry once again rises into the air. Jennifer eyes this curiously but
says nothing. "I'm about to start an advanced aerobics class . . .
" she says, walking away. Larry motions for Balki to help him get
down, which Balki finally does. " . . . uh, but there's a beginning
one going on in five minutes," Jennifer finishes. "Well, uh,
Jennifer, I think we can handle the advanced class," Larry says. He
and Balki take their positions with the other people who have gathered for the
let's all start off by doing a little jogging in place," the instructor
calls, "And jog, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight . . . "
She leads the class as everyone jogs in place. Balki jogs somewhat
awkwardly, lifting his knees up high. He and Larry dosey-do around each
other and then Larry jogs between the muscular guy and Jennifer.
"This is an advanced class?" Larry asks Jennifer, "Ha, it's a
joke. So, uh . . . Jennifer you're not going with anyone, are you?"
"And arms!" the instructor calls out. Everyone throws their arms
out and the muscular guy and Jennifer both hit Larry, knocking him back. A
blonde woman jogs next to Balki. "Hi, I'm Mary Anne," she says,
"I'm a Sagittarius." "I'm Balki," Balki responds,
"I'm a Bartokomous. Do you want to go out with me?"
"I'd love to," Mary Anne smiles. Balki stops jogging for a
moment and exclaims, "I think I just reaped a cardiovascular benefit!"
Hours later, Larry and Balki are still
working out, as are Jennifer and Mary Anne, except Balki and Larry are both
covered in perspiration. Balki is trying to do a sit-up on an elevated
bench while Larry is strapped into a nautilus machine and doing arm presses,
watching to see Jennifer's reaction. Jennifer is doing curls with a small
barbell and looks from Balki to Larry with suspicion. "You guys look
tired," Jennifer says. "Tired?" Larry laughs in a macho
voice, "Jennifer, tired is a state of mind." Jennifer walks away
and Larry immediately stops, looking exhausted. "And my mind is
oatmeal," Larry gasps. "Cousin, we have been here four
hours," Balki points out, "Are you going to ask her out or what?"
"I'm going to. I'm going to," Larry insists, "I'm not here
for my health, you know. I just haven't found the right moment yet."
"Well, we had a lot of spare moments during that four hundred sit-ups we
had to do," Balki says, "I feel like I gave birth to an ox."
"Well, well I . . . I can't ask her now," Larry sighs, "I'm all
sweaty." Balki walks away.
Larry continues to do arm presses on the
nautilus, counting, "One . . . two . . . " A woman walks by and
Larry lowers his voice and
changes the count to "sixty-eight . . . sixty-nine . . . " Balki
returns and says, "Before I tell you what I just did, I want you to know in
Mypos we have a saying. 'Bo
bo bo sticki bada bedi ta taku.' It says, 'He who hesitates sleeps with
the goats.'" "I thought you all slept with the goats,"
Larry says. "We do," Balki agrees, not catching the insult,
"And this goat sleeper just asked Jennifer if she'd go out with you."
"You . . . you what?" Larry cries, lunging at Balki, except he's
strapped to the nautilus machine and can't reach him. Larry starts
fumbling with the belt, trying to get loose. "I am going to deport
you in pieces!" Larry promises. He tries again to lunge for Balki,
who is leaning in to watch him fumble with the belt, but Balki pulls back out of
again tries to get the belt undone, finally smiling nicely and asking,
"Help me unbuckle this." "I don't think so," Balki
answers. Larry gets the belt undone with an "H'ya!" Balki
is startled and Larry starts chasing him around the equipment. Balki runs
to the nautilus and hides behind one of the arm pads. Larry sneaks up
through the machine and taps Balki on the shoulder. "What?"
Balki asks as Larry grabs him roughly by the shirt. "How dare you
interfere with the sanctity of a man's right to date," Larry growls,
"You scheming . . . girl-poaching . . . " "She said
yes," Balki quickly says. "Oh thank you, thank you, thank you so
much," Larry collapses against Balki's chest in exhausted gratitude.
Act two begins with Larry
and Balki returning home from the gym. "My!" Larry exclaims in a
masculine voice, "Never knew a
workout could make you feel so . . . good!" He throws down his gym
bag. "I feel . . . massive!" "I feel pumped-up,"
Balki says, throwing down his bag as well, "I am Conehead the
Barbarian!" "Well, nothing like a tough workout to make you feel
alive!" Larry says as he closes the front door. "Ah ha ha
ha!" Balki laughs. They walk in a macho fashion to the couch.
"So, you thought the workout was tough, huh?" Balki asks.
"Did I say tough?" Larry asks, taking off his jacket, "I meant .
. . challenging. In fact, I found myself wanting it to be more
challenging. Didn't you?" "Oh yes!" Balki agrees,
sitting down. "You're not tired, are ya?" Larry asks.
"Oh no!" Balki says, standing up again, "I'm chock full of
energy." Balki lifts the edge of the coffee table, saying,
"Ha!" Balki walks around the table to join Larry in front of the
Balki," Larry begins, "In six hours, two women . . . let me amend that
. . . two gorgeous women . . . are coming to this apartment. You know what
that means, dontcha?" Balki eyes his knowingly and nods. They
share a laugh, punching playfully at one another. "What are we
talking about?" Balki finally asks. Larry puts his hand to his
forehead in frustration. "Okay, Balki, for your benefit I think we
should identify our objective." "Is this where you talk down to
me?" Balki asks. "Yes," Larry admits, "Now, here's the
plan." Larry puts a foot up on the coffee table and Balki does the
same. "What we are trying to achieve is physical contact. Now,
how do we achieve physical contact?" "Begging?"
Balki suggests. Larry considers this a moment, then shakes his head and
Larry, you are a genius!" Balki exclaims, "We'll dance, we'll eat,
we'll drink, we'll visit." Balki and Larry do a little dance
together. "But first we'll rest," Larry says. "Rest?
Why? I'm not tired!" Balki brags, then lifts he edge of the coffee
table again with a "Ha!" "Neither am I," Larry states,
"But since we probably won't be getting any sleep tonight . . . "
Larry eyes Balki knowingly but Balki just looks perplexed. " . . . we
better stockpile some right now." They both sit on the couch.
"Well, if we have to," Balki sighs. "Hey, this is no fun
for me, either," Larry says as they put their feet on the coffee table.
"I just hate sitting around like a bump on a frog," Balki says.
"Well, we'll give it five minutes," Larry suggests, "If we can't
sleep, we'll go for a run." They wait a moment then both of them fall
that evening the apartment is dark and Larry and Balki and still sleeping on the
couch. Larry opens his eyes and immediately cries, "Ow!"
He raises his head a little and yells, "Ow!" again, then, "Oh my
gosh . . . what time is it?" He starts to lift his arm but can only
move it in small increments, crying, "Ow!" each time, and then a long
"Owww!" as he turns his wrist to look at his watch. "Oh!
Oh! Oh! It's almost eight o'clock!" Larry realizes, "Balki
. . . oh . . . Balki, we overslept . . . and died." After much
struggling, Larry manages to lean over toward Balki. "Balki!" he
calls. Balki opens his eyes and looks shocked, moving his head slowly
toward Larry. Finally he lets out a loud, long scream of pain.
"A little sore?" Larry asks. "I'd say we overdid the
workout a little," Balki admits, "or you threw me out the
window." "Balki, it's almost eight o'clock," Larry says,
trying to sit up, "The girls are gonna be here any minute."
They both struggle to sit up and lower
their feet from the coffee table, moaning in pain the entire time. Larry
slowly works to get
on his feet. Balki reaches up and places a hand on Larry's shoulder as he
also tries to stand up. As Balki stands, he pushes Larry back down.
Larry grabs Balki in turn and pulls himself back up again. They stare at
each other in pain and Larry says, "Ow." "I have to call
and cancel the date," Balki says. "Are you crazy?" Larry
gasps. "No, are you?" Balki asks. Balki turns and slowly
starts to walk away. "Where are you going?" Larry asks.
"I'm going to call and cancel the date," Balki replies. "Oh
no you're not!" Larry protests. "Oh yes I am!" Balki
insists. "Oh no you're not!" Larry starts chasing Balki,
but since neither of them can hardly move it's more like a slow motion shuffle.
Balki gets around the end table first and reaches back to knock a stack of thin
books onto the floor. Larry has to make his way around them, which gives
Balki time to reach the phone.
Balki slowly grabs the receiver off the
phone as Larry reaches the phone stand and says "No, you don't."
Larry places his hand
on the cradle to hang up and Balki swings his arm to hit Larry's arm, Larry
crying, "Ow! Ow! Ow!" with each hit. Larry manages
to grab Balki by the collar when there is a knock at the door. "It's
too late, they're here," Larry says. "I tell them we too
sore," Balki says, "I tell them to come back in a month."
Balki turns toward the door but Larry holds tight to his collar, pulling him
back. "If they find out we're this sore after one workout, they'll
drop us like that." Larry struggles to snap his fingers, then cries,
"Ow!" when he finally does. "I'm supposed to act like I am
not in the worst pain of my whole young life?" Balki asks. "Yes,
please," Larry begs, "I waaaant Jennifer."
"Okay," Balki sighs, "If you really waaaant Jennifer."
The knocking at the door continues. Balki struggles to hang up the phone
receiver and Larry helps him, each taking an end and lifting it onto the cradle.
"Help me open the door," Balki says. They walk to the door and
Larry instructs, "All right, you get the top. You get the top.
You get the top." Balki struggles to lift his hand to reach the top
of the doorknob as Larry takes the bottom. "Turn, turn," Larry
says, then, "Open, open!"
They manage to pull the door open.
"Hi! Hi!" Larry greets Jennifer and Mary Anne as Balki is pushed
back by the door. "Hello, hello," Larry smiles.
"Hi," Jennifer says. "Come on in," Larry encourages.
"Why is it so dark in here?" Mary Anne asks. "Oh hey, Balki,
don't be shy, turn on the lights," Larry encourages. Balki moves with
the door as it closes, then leans over to turn on the lights with his mouth.
"Okay, Balki, come on," Larry says, and they make their slow and
painful way to the couch, trying to look as casual as possible when they can
barely move. Jennifer and Mary Anne look at them strangely.
"You guys are walking funny," Jennifer notes, "Are you sore from
your workout?" "Yes," Balki admits immediately but Larry
drowns out his answer by saying, "Oh, of course not!" "Not
at all!" Balki confirms. "So, uh, why don't we just sit down and
talk and get to know one another?" Larry asks. He and Balki sit down
on the couch simultaneously, both crying out in pain as they do so.
Jennifer and Mary Anne look shocked. "Karate," Larry explains,
"Karate yells. We're into, uh, many, many sports."
have wine and cheese," Balki tells the girls. "Oh well,
well," Larry says, "Why don't we see if the ladies want to wait before
plunging into the old feedbag." "I'm starving," Mary Anne
states. "Well, uh, Balki uh . . . why don't you go get it?"
Larry suggests, "You brought it up." "Why don't you help me
go get it?" Balki suggests in return. They give each other a look.
"Excuse us," Larry smiles. Balki and Larry both struggle to
stand up very slowly, rising at the same pace. "You guys do
everything together, don't you?" Mary Anne asks. Once standing, Balki
and Larry slowly make their way to the kitchen. "Need any help?"
Jennifer asks. "Yes," Balki admits. "No! No!
No!" Larry drowns out Balki's answer. "No, of course not!"
Balki agrees, as they quicken their pace. "You just, uh . . . make
yourselves comfortable," Larry suggests. Jennifer and Mary Anne begin
looking at magazines on the coffee table as the guys reach the kitchen.
"All right, all right," Larry
says, "Look . . . you get the cheese, I'll get the wine." Larry
grabs a wine bottle and corkscrew as Balki
struggles painfully to open the refrigerator. Larry turns the corkscrew
into the bottle, crying, "Ow!" with each turn until the girls look at
him, then he smiles to cover the pain. Balki carries a medium-sized round
cheese to the counter and tries to lift it up, but can't. He finally takes
a chance and tosses the cheese, which flies over the counter and lands in a
wicker garbage basket on the other side. The girls turn at the noise and
Balki smiles at them, explaining, "Out of cheese." "Help me
open the wine," Larry asks. Balki takes hold of the bottle as Larry
holds on to the corkscrew and they pull in opposite directions. When the
cork finally comes out of the bottle, Larry falls backwards onto the floor with
a loud thump. Again the girls turn to look at them. "Where's
Larry?" Jennifer asks. "Oh, he's . . . on the floor," Balki
explains, "Doing sit-ups." "Thirty-seven . . . thirty-eight
. . . thirty-nine . . . be right with you!" Larry calls from the floor, as
Jennifer and Mary Anne exchange a confused look.
carries the wine over to the girls as Larrys gets up off the floor. Balki
hands the bottle to Jennifer and realizes, "We have wine and . . . no
glasses. Couldn't you just pass the bottle around?" Larry
approaches them, carrying wine glasses. "No, here we go," he
says, "Here's some glasses. Here we go." Jennifer moves
over so the guys can sit down, which they do at the same time with another loud
yell. "Wine?" Larry asks, holding up a glass. "We
don't drink," Jennifer says apologetically. "Hey, why don't we
dance?" Mary Anne suggests. Balki starts shaking his head no very
slowly. "We can dance," Larry says. "No, we
can't," Balki cries. "Yes, we can." "No, we
can't!" "We can dance!" Larry insists, standing up.
"No, we can't dance," Balki argues, standing up with him.
"We can dance and we will dance!" Larry says. "No, we
can't. No dance." The girls also stand. "You're not
going to fight over this, are you?" Jennifer asks worriedly.
"Fight? We can hardly
move!" Balki admits, "I have a confession to make. We are not
the jerks you thought we were." "Jocks,"
Larry corrects. "Well, we figured the way you guys overdid it this
morning you'd be pretty sore," Jennifer says, "We're surprised you
didn't call and cancel the date!" "Well, we . . . we were
worried that . . . that if you thought . . . " Larry stammers.
"You didn't think just because we work out we're only interested in
hunks?" Mary Anne asks. Larry laughs his shmuck laugh then admits,
"Well, yes. We did." Off Balki's look, he changes it to,
"Uh well, uh . . . I did . . . and I tried to deceive you . . . and I'm
slime. And I guess you'll probably want to leave now."
"I'm sorry . . . we can't walk you to the door," Balki adds.
"Well, maybe we'll stay," Mary Anne says, "As long as you've
learned your lesson." "Oh yes, I have," Larry insists,
"I have! I have!" "Tell you what," Jennifer
says, "why don't you guys sit down? We'll go get the cheese out of
the trash." Jennifer and Mary Anne head to the trash basket as Larry
and Balki sit down together, crying out in pain.
Later that night we hear Larry saying
goodnight to the girls over the establishing shot of the apartment. Larry
and Balki have just
closed the door. "Now you see? Those were two nice
ladies," Balki points out, "They were not just interested in our
semi-hard bodies. They really liked our insides, too."
"Yeah," Larry agrees. "Now why did you think they would not
like you for who you are?" Balki asks. "Oh, I don't know,"
Larry sighs, "I guess it's because in high school the cheerleaders always
dated the jocks instead of guys like me. I mean, the girls in the Latin
club were fine . . . but just once I wanted a cheerleader. I mean, I
really wanted a cheerleader. I mean I really wanted a cheerleader .
. . " "Cousin, calm down, you're going to hurt yourself,"
Balki warns. "Well, what d'ya wanna do now?" Larry asks.
"Well, we could watch TV," Balki suggests. "Who's gonna
turn it on?" Larry asks. "We could listen to a record,"
Balki suggests. "The stereo is waaay over there," Larry points
out. "We could go to sleep," Balki tries.
"Goodnight," Larry offers. They both close their eyes and fall
against the door, sinking down to the ground in exhaustion, finally saying a
tired, "Ow" as they reach the floor.
There are several
differences between the Second Draft script dated July 18, 1986 and what ended
up on screen:
- The episode
begins with Larry wiping the window with a squeegee, not noticing that
Twinkacetti has entered behind him, inspecting his work. Larry shakes the
water from the squeegee onto Twinkie's shoes, then wipes the window and shakes
the squeegee off on Twinkie's shoes again. This time he realizes what he's
done. "I'm sorry, Mr. Twinkacetti," Larry offers nervously.
Larry gets off the ladder and looks for something with which to dry the shoes.
Twinkie holds up a hand to stop him, takes the squeegee from Larry dips it in
the water and shakes the water off onto Larry's chest. "That's
fair," Twinkacetti says.
After Balki announces he's joined a healthy club, Larry says worriedly,
"Oh, Balki. These clubs are just out to rip you off."
"What does that mean?" Balki asks. "It's a scam,"
Larry explains. Balki says, "Oh," as if he gets it, then asks,
"What does that mean?" This is when Twinkacetti explains his
version of how they cheat people.
When Jennifer enters the store, Larry has wrung out his wet shirt to form a
horn, which she looks at strangely.
the second scene, after Larry explains that he lusted after Jennifer first he
adds, "Look, you'll do fine. And remember, these women are all vain,
so be sure to butter them up." The guys walk around the room and
Balki goes up to a well endowed woman on a Nautilus machine. "Hello.
Can I cover you with butter?" Balki asks. Larry quickly pulls Balki
away as the woman stares. "Don't you ever, ever say that to a live
woman again," Larry warns, "I'm going to hit the weights. Watch
and learn." When the man offers to lower the weights for Larry, Balki
says, "I'll just sit over here and watch and learn." Balki sits
and slides off a machine. "There's no seat here," he notes.
The man offers to help Larry and lowers the weights to him, causing Larry to
rise in the air. When Jennifer walks over, she laughs and says, "Hi,
Larry. Aren't you over-doing it?" Larry is bobbing up and down
and says, "No, no. It's actually more beneficial when you don't use
the seat for a crutch. Hulk Hogan taught me this." Jennifer
helps Larry back down and Balki walks over. "That doesn't look so
tough," Balki notes. Jennifer tells them an advanced aerobics class
is about to begin but that a beginning one will start in five minutes.
"Jennifer, we can handle the advanced class," Larry assures her,
"You're talking to a couple of guys who do triathalons."
"Really?" Jennifer asks. "You heard that right," Balki
confirms. "What's your best event?" Jennifer asks Balki.
"Baking," Balki answers. Jennifer laughs and Larry laughs as
well to help the "joke." "He is so funny," Jennifer
laughs. "A riot," Larry replies. When Jennifer walks away,
Larry grabs Balki by the neck.
After Mary Anne introduces herself and Balki asks her out, she falls to the mat
as part of the routine. "Was that a no?" Balki asks, then he
drops down beside her. "Of course not," Mary Anne says,
"I'd love to go out." Mary Anne turns away as part of the
routine and Balki says to himself, "That was easy. I'm getting a
lifetime membership here." The scene then continues with Larry and
Jennifer again. They begin an up and down pogo stick exercise and Larry is
out of sync with Jennifer as he tries to talk to her. "So, Jennifer .
. . How about that garbage strike?" Balki calls over to Larry,
"Cousin Larry." Larry "aerobs" over to Balki.
"Balki, I was about to make my move," Larry says. "I moved
already," Balki says, "I got a date with Mary Anne Sagittarius.
What's taking you so long, fellow stud?" "Hey, anyone can get a
date with a Sagittarius," Larry scoffs, "They're easy. I'm going
for a classy lady. I've got to use wit, charm . . . oxygen."
Larry leans on Balki trying to catch his breath. Jennifer looks over at
him and he resumes his routine.
After Balki quotes his Myposian saying, Larry says, "Excuse me, but my
Mypos dictionary is in the locker."
After Larry tells Balki that their plan is to obtain physical contact, Balki
says, "I like that plan."
The part where Balki knocks the books off the end table to slow Larry down is
not in the script.
Jennifer comments that the guys are walking funny Larry says "We like to
take small steps, because . . . that way we get in more walking, more
exercise." Balki adds, "We can't get enough of it."
When the guys try to open the wine they get tired and Balki suggests,
"Maybe we should tell them to come back in a couple of hours."
Balki tells the girls the truth, he says, "The truth is we're sore from our
workout. We are not the socks you think we are."
After Jennifer says they'll get the cheese out of the trash she adds, "We
can just talk." "We do that real good," Balki assures her.
Balki and Larry sit down on the couch and scream again.
"Karate?" Mary Anne asks. "Pain," Balki and Larry
was a bit of additional dialogue in the final scene after Larry says how much he
really wanted a cheerleader. After Balki warns him to calm down Larry says
"I guess I don't take rejection well." Balki nods and says,
"You hit that nail on its face." Larry continues, "You
know, Balki . . . I think maybe I formed too many opinions too early in
life." Balki answers, "Oh, Cousin you're only human. You
see a beautiful girl in an air-tight leotard, moving to the music, arms and legs
glistening . . . " He stops. "Go on," Larry says.
"I can't. My body just locked up like the Tin Woodsman before Dorothy
gave him a lube job."
Many of these variations
are still present in the Final Draft script dated July 21, 1986:
opening scene with Larry shaking the water on Twinkie's shoes and Twinkie, in
turn, shaking the water on Larry's chest is still in the script. As a
result, the part where Larry wrings his shirt into a horn when Jennifer walks in
is also still in the script.
still asks the well-endowed woman if he can cover her with butter.
line after asking Mary Anne out about "getting a lifetime membership"
is still in this script.
After Balki quotes the saying in Myposian he says "Think about it."
Larry answers with "Can I take the rest of my life?"
dialogue in which Balki describes a beautiful woman and then refers to the Tin
Man is still in this version.
on to the next episode . . .