Strangers Episode Guide
102 - Call Me Indestructible
First Air Date:
November 2, 1990
Filming Date: September 12, 1990
Nielsen Rating: 13.0 HH
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Paula A. Roth
Directed by: James OíKeefe
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Kenneth Mars: Alvin ĎAceí Atkins
Dennis Tufano: Radio (Voice Over)
Appearances: The framed picture of Dimitri can be seen on the bookcase.
"Please take me to the friendly skies! Balki is ready when you are.
I love to fly and it shows."
"Mr. Ace says he could fly it with both eyes tied behind his back."
"Cousin, donít take your shorts out to brunch!"
"Oh, Cousin, sometimes I canít see the forest through my knees."
"I donít think Cousin Larry is playing with a full deck chair."
ridiculous: Said once in this episode (as well as an unusual "Do be
used in this episode:
"Oh my Lord!"
"Thatís a good point, a very good point."
Other running jokes
used in this episode:
Balki and Larry have a rapid-fire exchange of alliterations using the letter
The Dance of Joy
Larry grabs Balki by the shirt or lapels
Balki and Larry do their "macho bit"
"Whoís Got the Pain?" - sung by Balki as he cooks in the kitchen
Balki and Larry were on hand to host TGIF the night this episode debuted.
You can now view their spots on our YouTube
- The title of this episode is a play on the title
of the song, "Call Me Irresponsible," which was most notably recorded
by Frank Sinatra in the 1960's. An album of standards sung by Michael Bublť
with the name "Call Me Irresponsible" was released in 2007.
- This was the second episode directed by James
OíKeefe, who had directed The Break Up earlier in the season.
Fans were used to seeing his name in the credits listed as a co-producer (his
credit changed to that of consulting producer in season six), but he did direct
as well, not only Perfect Strangers but episodes of Valerie, Full
House and Family Matters. He had also co-written the episodes, The
Karate Kids, Up A Lazy River, Part One with Alan Plotkin.
- The opening number, "Whoís Got the
Pain?", is from the 1955 Broadway musical Damn Yankees. The
show was made into a film directed by Stanley Donen in 1958 with most of the
Broadway cast playing their respective parts, most notably dancer Gwen Verdon
playing the seductress Lola. This song would be performed again on a later
episode of Perfect Strangers as well.
Actor Kenneth Mars, who appeared as the seemingly unstable "Ace"
Atkins in this episode, has had a long and industrious career in movies and
television. He is probably most noted for his role in two classic Mel
Brooksí movies; first as the German author of the play "Springtime for
Hitler" in The Producers, then as Inspector Kemp in Young
Frankenstein. He also had a notable part in the comedy film, Whatís
Up Doc? But those are just a few of his credits. He appeared in
episodes of Gunsmoke, Get Smart, Mannix, That Girl, Ironside, Love, American
Style, Barney Miller, Family, Fernwood 2 Night, Alice, Cagney & Lacey,
Magnum, P.I., Hardcastle and McCormick, Simon & Simon, 227, Star Trek: Deep
Space Nine, Diagnosis Murder, Hanginí With Mr. Cooper, Party of Five, Boston
Common, Weird Science, Nash Bridges, Becker, Will & Grace, Malcolm in the
Middle and Hannah Montana. Amazingly, the credits for his voice
work in various animated projects over the years reads just as long . . . and
these are only some of the shows he has appeared in!
- Dennis Tufano, who has an uncredited role as the
voice of the air traffic controller in this episode, was once a member of the
rock band The Buckinghams. He also performed the original theme song for Family
Ties, "Without Us" along with Mindy Sterling, but their version
was used for the first ten episodes of the series only. He is now
producing documentary films.
- The name Teflonos is obviously a spoof on Teflon,
which is a non-stick material developed by DuPont. Itís most recognized
application is as a surface on pots and pans. Larryís reference to
Levolos is a joke on Levolor, which makes blinds, draperies and other window
- While filming the scene in which Balki comes back
in the apartment with the bungee cord pulling at his leg, Bronson suffered rope
burns on his ankle. You can read about this and more behind the scenes
happenings in our On the Scene . . .
When the tower calls
Ace's plane they ask for the call numbers "Nancy, seven eight three five
Romeo," or in other words N/783 R. But on the stock footage, the
number on the plane is clearly N/835 R. The numbers called by the tower
are written on the side of Ace's plane in the close shots. Later, when
Balki and Larry are flying the small plane themselves it is only supposed to
look like Ace's plane, but you can see the numbers N7835R on the side when Balki
The episode begins in the apartment where Balki is busy cooking in the kitchen.
As he cooks, he is singing
"Whoís got the pain when they do the mambo? Whoís got the pain
when they go, ĎOoh!í Whoís got the pain when they do the mambo?
I donít know who . . . do you?" Balki sprinkles some powdered sugar
over the food heís just taken out of the oven. He then turns and shakes
the sugar around him, dancing as he sings, "Someone must be sick of the
heat . . . or stepping on everyoneís feet . . . " Larry enters
through the front door and walks to the counter. "Hi, Cousin,"
Balki greets him, "I just baked a big batch of bang bong binki ninki
bacalava." "Bang bong binki ninki bacalava?" Larry repeats.
"Bingo!" Balki replies, spearing a piece with a toothpick and handing
it to Larry, "Want a big bite, booby?"
"Better not, buddy," Larry
replies. Balki drops the offering back into the pan and sighs,
Balki?" Larry asks. "You bet your bibbibabkas Iím bitter,
baby," Balki retorts, "I broke my butt baking these itty bitty binki
ninkis . . . and believe me, I banked on a bit of basic brotherly
bolstering." "Balki, buddy, baby," Larry says, "Iíve
had a lot on my mind." Larry walks to the dining table and sets down
his briefcase, opening it. "Wainwright gave me a very tough
assignment," Larry explains, "Iíve gotta do a Ďwhatever happened
to . . . í piece on Ace Atkins." "Oh, Iíd love to know where
he is," Balki smiles, then adds, "Iíd love to know who he
is." Larry reads from a notepad, "Alvin ĎAceí Atkins.
Highly decorated Korean War pilot. After the war he became a test pilot.
Currently owner and operator of an air charter company and a Mr. Softee ice
"Wwowww, Cousin, youíre good,"
Balki responds, "Can you find out whatever happened to Mr. T?"
impersonates the man, shouting, "I pity the fool! I pity the
fool!" "Well, before I do that, Iíve got to finish this
story," Larry says, walking over to the couch with Balki following,
"Wainwright wants me to go up in Aceís plane tomorrow so I can do a
first-hand account of what itís like to fly with him." Balki gasps
and begs, "Cousin, Cousin, Cousin! Please! Can I go?
Please take me to the friendly skies! Balki is ready when you are. I
love to fly and it shows." "Well, you can go if you want,"
Larry says. "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!" Balki says,
hugging Larry. "You can tell me what it was like . . . Ďcause I
wonít be there," Larry adds. "Cousin, how you can write an
article about flying with Ace unless you fly with Ace?" Balki asks.
Iím a writer," Larry points out as they both sit on the couch, "I
donít have to experience something to write about it. I wrote a very
comprehensive article about the sexual revolution." Balki shakes his
head in disapproval. "I think you owe your readers a little more than
that. Cousin, you have to go up in that plane." "Balki, I
donít like small planes," Larry says, "They tend to . . . fall out
of the sky." "Cousin, itís your duty as a journalist,"
Balki insists, "Ted Koppel would go. Sam Donaldson would go.
Clark Kent would go . . . 'course he wouldnít need the plane, but . . . "
"Balki, you canít change my mind," Larry insists, "Nothing you
can do or say will make me go up in that airplane." "Iíll tell
Jennifer you sleep with a night light," Balki threatens. Larryís
mouth drops open in shock.
We next see footage of a small,
single-engine, four-seater plane as it loops around the sky. We can hear
crying out in panic from inside. Ace is at the driverís controls with
Balki in the passenger seat. Both are enjoying themselves immensely.
Larry is in the back seat in a near state of panic. "Now see
there?" Ace asks them, "That particular move is the reason for the
invention of the air sickness bag." "Can you tell me why the
white zone is for loading and unloading passengers only?" Balki asks.
"Do we have to be up so high?" Larry asks nervously. "Oh,
give me an airplane and an unlimited ceiling and I am a happy man," Ace
laughs. "Give me a flight of stairs and a Slinky and Iím a happy
man," Balki offers. "You are not alone there, my friend,"
Ace agrees, and they laugh together as the plane jerks to one side.
voice comes over the radio, calling, "Tower . . . calling Nancy, seven
eight three five Romeo. Nancy seven eight three five Romeo, come in,
please." Ace picks up the radioís microphone and pushes the button
before shouting, "Aw, shut up!" Ace nudges Balki and laughs,
then hangs up the microphone. "Who . . . who was that?" Balki
laughs, "The automatic pilot?" "Nah, itís them jerks in
the tower," Ace explains with frustration. "W . . . well,
shouldnít you answer that?" Larry asks, "It might be
important." "Naw, theyíre all bent out of shape Ďcause I
didnít file a flight plan," Ace scoffs, "Hey, I donít know where
Iím goiní. Why should they?" Ace and Balki laugh again.
Larry grabs Balki by the hair and pulls his head back, saying into Balkiís
ear, "Weíre flying with a lunatic!"
"Say, would you like to fly?"
Ace asks Balki. "I would love to fly!" Balki replies, "But
Iím not sure I have the upper
body strength." Balki flaps his arms. "I mean the
plane," Ace clarifies. "The plane?" Balki asks.
"Yes," Ace nods. "I would love to fly the plane!"
Balki says, looking at the controls on his side. "Hold it, Balki,"
Larry laughs nervously, "I . . . Iím sure itís probably against FAA
regulations for anybody but Ace to fly his plane." "Oh,
thereís too damn many of them rules and regulations, if you ask me," Ace
complains as he turns back to Larry, "I mean, if a man wants to fly we
should let him fly. So he fails a couple of them psychological tests.
Who cares? Look at me. Do I look unstable?" Ace laughs
riotously again and Balki joins him. "Not at all," Larry says in
a dismissive hurry, then adds, "Well, I think Iíve got enough for my
article anyway. Why donít we call it a day?"
"Not before we have us some
fun," Ace says, and he pushes down on the wheel, causing the plane to go
steep dive. "Ooh, donít you just love it when all the blood is
rushing to your head and youíre just this close to blacking out?" Ace
asks Balki with a laugh. "Hey, have you ever tried hanging
upside-down, spinning around, drinking a cold soda real fast while
blindfolded?" Balki asks. "Oh, I love that!" Ace exclaims,
"Have you ever held your breath and put your head in a tub of jello . . .
?" "Pull this plane up now!" Larry screams.
"Oh, donít get your shorts in a bunch," Ace moans, "Iíve got
everything under control." Ace pulls back on the wheel but nothing
happens. "Whoa oh," Ace says, "Looks like we got us a
situation here. I canít seem to pull her out of the dive!"
Ace turns to look back at Larry and says, "Weíre gonna have to bail
out." Larry cries out twice then his eyes roll back in his head and
he passes out.
Balki climbs into the back seat and slaps
Larryís face gently, trying to bring him around. "Cousin . . .
Cousin . . .
Cousin, come on." Larry comes around. "Itís going to be
fun," Balki continues, "We get to . . . we get to jump out of an
airplane." "Thereís a couple of chutes stowed in that box
behind that seat there," Ace explains, "Just put Ďem on, jump outta
the plane, count to three and pull this here doohickey." Ace opens
the door and climbs out onto the wing of the plane, saying, "Well, Iíll
see you boys on the ground at which time I will give you both a valuable coupon
worth five cents toward purchase of any Mr. Softee item." "W . .
. w . . . w . . . wait, wait," Larry stutters, "No . . . no . . . no .
. . " Ace sticks his head back in the door and adds, "Oh . . .
not good on Saturdays." Ace closes the door behind him and then
turns, jumping off the wing. We see him drop from the plane and then open
his parachute as he drops.
"Uh . . . uh . . . pull the doohickey
. . . uh, jump . . . then count to three," Larry babbles, "No!
Uh, Balki, I donít
remember what he said." "He said the couponís not good on
Saturday," Balki sobs. "The parachutes!" Larry cries,
"I donít remember what he said about the parachutes!"
"There are no parachutes," Balki explains calmly, holding a piece of
paper. "What?" Larry gasps. "Yeah. Just a note that
says, ĎBorrowed a couple of chutes. Hope you donít mind.
Dave." Larry snatches the note from Balki to look at it as Balki
climbs into the pilotís seat. "Hope you donít mind?!" Larry
cries. "No, I donít mind," Balki replies, "Actually I
prefer the front seat." Larry climbs into the passenger seat, saying,
"Balki." "Cousin, I . . . I guess weíre going to have to
land the plane ourselves," Balki notes. "What are you
doing?" Larry asks, "You canít fly this plane!"
"Well . . . well, Cousin, how hard can it be?" Balki asks, "Mr.
Ace says he could fly it with both eyes tied behind his back."
Balki pulls up on the wheel and the plane
levels out. "You see, Cousin?" Balki exclaims, "I made us
stop falling out
of the sky! Now we are so happy we do the Dance of Joy!" Balki
starts doing the Dance of Joy in his seat, but Larry grabs him by the coat to
stop him. "Balki, thatís not good enough! Weíve still got
to land this plane!" "Cousin, donít take your shorts out to
brunch!" Balki urges, "While . . . while we were taking off and you
were breathing into that paper bag I watched everything that Mr. Ace did.
Now if I can just do it backwards maybe I can land the plane."
"Oh my Lord, weíre gonna die!" Larry cries. "No, Cousin,
weíre not going to die," Balki insists, "Iím going to land the
plane. Now . . . now let me think . . . the first thing he did he . . . he
. . . he . . . he called the tower . . . call the tower." Balki picks
up the microphone and clicks the button, imitating Aceís wild manner as he
shouts, "Suck air, bozos, Iím bringiní her in!" Balki laughs
maniacally as Larry screams and the plane begins its descent.
Later at the apartment, Balki walks in the
front door and sighs. Larry enters behind him, looking relieved.
never thought Iíd see this apartment again," Larry says, "Look at
this apartment! I love this apartment!" Larry gets down on his
hands and knees and kisses the floor, then stands up again. "Look at
this couch! I love this couch!" Larry kisses the couch.
Balki taps Larryís hand with his own and Larry grabs Balkiís hand,
exclaiming, "Look at this hand! I love this hand!" Larry
kisses Balkiís hand, then turns to Balki and says, "Look at that face!
I love that face!" Larry moves to kiss Balki but Balki places a hand
over Larryís mouth to hold him back. "Youíve kissed everything
from here to the airport," Balki points out, "I donít think that
policeman was that happy when you planted one on his horse." Balki
removes his hand.
"Balki, Iím just happy to be
alive," Larry explains, "Do you know what happened? One minute
we were headed
for the ground and the next . . . you made a three-point landing. Somebody
was looking out for us today." Balki looks surprised and exclaims,
"Of course! Oh, Cousin, sometimes I canít see the forest through my
knees." Balki gets down on his knee and holds his arms up to the
ceiling. "Teflonos was with us today!" Larry waits a
moment and then asks, "Teflonos?" "Teflonos, the Myposian
God of Protection," Balki explains. "Any relation to Levolos,
the God of Window Treatments?" Larry asks flippantly. Balki gets to
his feet and says, "Scoff if you will, Cousin, but one Teflonos puts his
protective, non-stick shield around you for the next phase of the moon youíre
indestructible. Oh Cousin! Iíve always wondered what it would be
like to put my head in a lionís mouth!" Balki mimes prying a
lionís jaws apart.
there is no such thing as Teflonos," Larry explains, "and if you put
your head in a lionís mouth . . . heíll bite it off. Now if youíll
excuse me I am going upstairs to tell my fiancee how close I came to death today
and while she is comforting me why donít you try and get in touch with
Realitos?" Larry smiles condescendingly to Balki and leaves the
apartment, pausing before closing the door to give Balki another look.
After Larry is gone, Balki looks around and spots a vase with some flowers in it
on the bookcase. He gets them and turns back, dumping the flowers out on
the floor and looking upward. "Teflonos, I know youíre with
me," Balki giggles, "so . . . here goes!" Balki smashes the
vase over his own head but it has no affect on him. He laughs as if it
tickles and comments, "Oh! This is gonna be fun!"
The next morning, we see a whistling
teapot on the stove. Larry picks it up carefully and pours himself a cup
of hot water where he has already placed a tea bag. The water is extremely
hot and Larry says, "Ow," several
times before he fills the cup and places it on the counter. Balki walks
out of his bedroom with a bag over his shoulder and marches to the counter with
determination. "Morning, Cousin," Balki says.
"Morning, Balki," Larry replies. Balki picks up the hot cup of
tea and drinks it straight down without flinching. He then walks to the
window and starts moving items from the bookcase in front of it.
"Youíre not still thinking about putting your head in a lionís mouth,
are you?" Larry asks. "Well, of course not. Donít be
ridiculous," Balki answers, "The circus donít come to town for two
months and Iím only indestructible for one." Balki climbs out the
open window onto the fire escape.
Larry calls, "Balki?" On the fire escape, Balki is tying a
length of cord to the railing. Larry climbs out on the fire escape as well
and asks, "Balki, what are you doing?" Balki lifts his foot onto
the railing and ties the other end of the cord around his ankle.
"Bungee cords, Cousin," Balki explains, "Iím going to . . . to
dive off the fire escape and see how close I can get to the ground without
actually hitting it." Balki climbs over the railing and stands,
looking down to the street below. "Balki, I . . . I . . . I have seen
bungee cord jumping on television," Larry says, "It is very dangerous.
People have been killed trying it." "Well, they were foolish to
try it without Teflonosí protection," Balki says, then he leans forward
to fall face-first off the fire escape.
Larry grabs Balki by the handle of the bag
around his shoulder and pulls him back in, crying, "No, no, no! Balki!
Th . . . this is insane! You canít do this!" "Well,
Cousin, you canít stop me," Balki replies, and he leans out again.
Larry catches him again and pulls him back. "No, no, no, no!"
Larry gasps, and he climbs out on the outside of the railing to stand in front
of Balki, trying to block him. "All right, Balki . . . Balki . . .
Listen to me. Listen to me." He grabs Balki by the shirt
collar. "You canít do this!" "Well, Cousin,
thatís where youíre wrong," Balki argues, and he lets go of the railing
behind him and leans forward. Realizing they are falling, Larry grabs
Balki tightly around the chest and they plunge off the fire escape. We see
the bungee cord unwind from the fire escape and the scene fades to black.
When act two begins, we see Balki and
Larry drop off the fire escape again. The rope unwinds but then we see
the end of it pull taut where Balki tied it to the railing. Back in the
apartment, the front door flies open and Larry enters, looking shocked,
exhilarated and amazed all at the same time. His hair is standing straight
up on end. He walks to the coffee table and breathes heavily with wide
eyes for some time. "What a rush!" he finally exclaims. Balki
enters the apartment. His hair is also standing up on end. He still
has the bungee cord tied around his ankle, which is pulling him back, making it
difficult for him to make it to the coffee table. "What a
thrill!" Larry exclaims, "What an experience! I have never felt
anything like it before in my life! Youíre falling . . . and then
suddenly . . . FWING! . . . you stop . . . inches from certain death! That
bungee cord shouldnít have been able to hold our weight . . . but it
Larry puts his foot up on the coffee
table. Balki tries to do the same but the bungee cord keeps pulling it off
again. He struggles with it repeatedly, finally grabbing his foot and
placing it on the coffee table. He seems to have it conquered, when the
cord pulls his foot off the table again and he has to grab on to Larry to keep
from falling. They both fall back onto the couch. Larry gets up and
walks to the end of the couch, grabbing Balkiís legs and pulling them closer
so he can untie the bungee cord. "You know, Balki, that was
incredible." "Yeah, it sure was," Balki agrees, "That
Teflonos knows how to show you a good time, donít he?" "Now,
let me get this straight," Larry begins, then he finishes untying the cord
and it pulls him clear across the living room as it retracts out the door.
Larry picks himself up and continues as Balki stands up. "For the
next twenty-eight days we can do anything we want and not get hurt?" Larry
right, Cousin," Balki confirms, "What death-defying, life-threatening
stunt is first on your list?" "Well, you know . . . Iíve
always had this secret desire to go right to the top of the Sears Tower and go
right ahead and . . . look down!" Larry offers. "Yeah, well, I .
. . I . . . I can . . . I can see where that would be a big step for you,
Cousin, but while weíre under Teflonosí protection why you donít think of
something a little more daring?" Balki suggests. "Well, there is
one thing Iíve always wanted to do," Larry says, then he hesitates,
"No, I canít. Itís ridiculous." "Well, of course
you can!" Balki insists, "Do be ridiculous!" "Balki,
youíre right," Larry agrees, "Letís do it!" They do
their "macho bit," using their hands to grab at the air in front of
them in a masculine manner.
In the next scene we see the view of a
road speeding by from behind the handlebars of a motorcycle. We then see
that Larry is driving and Balki is riding behind him. They are thrilled
and scream with excitement as they race
along at breakneck speed. "This is great!" Larry calls, "In
fact, if it werenít for the bugs in my teeth Iíd say this is the best time I
ever had! Ooh, Balki, I got a great idea." "What?"
Balki asks. "Why donít you drive for a while?" Larry
suggests. "Thatís a great idea!" Balki agrees. Larry
stands up on the motorcycle seat and Balki stands up on the back. Balki
steps over Larry as they switch places while the motorcycle continues to roll at
full speed. Balki is now in the driverís seat and Larry is behind.
Balki leans back and puts his feet up on the handlebars for a while. He
sits back down and says, "Cousin . . . Cousin . . . I love the new
spontaneous you! Whatís next on our list?" "Well,
weíre scheduled to get shot out of a cannon at four," Larry reminds him.
"Uh huh," Balki nods. "But that might interfere with our
swimming with sharks at five," Larry finishes. "Maybe we could
get the cannon to shoot us into the shark pool?" Balki asks.
"Great idea," Larry agrees, "but it has to be at feeding
"Oh yeah, right," Balki nods.
Larry stands up on the seat again and then climbs into Balkiís shoulders.
He sits on
Balkiís shoulders and holds his arms out on either side. Balki then
covers his eyes with one hand as they tear down the road. "Cousin, I
was thinking . . . tomorrow might be a good time for you to get over your fear
of small planes." "Great idea," Larry agrees, "And the
best way to do that is for me to fly the plane myself." "Cousin,
you donít know how to fly a plane," Balki points out. "Well, I
donít know how to drive a motorcycle, either," Larry reminds him.
"Thatís a good point, a very good point," Balki agrees.
"Letís hang two," Larry says. "Okay," Balki answers.
Larry gets off Balkiís shoulders and they each climb to either side of the
motorcycle, each standing on one footrest. "Oh, whatís that sign
say?" Larry asks as they whip past a sign on the road. "Freeway
ends in three hundred feet," Balki reports. "Yes!" Larry
says happily. They lean out on both sides of the motorcycle, throwing
their hands up and shouting, "Yeah!"
We cut to a scene of a small plane doing
aerial tricks and loops in the sky. Balki is in the pilotís seat and
at the secondary controls in the passenger seat. They are laughing and
having fun. "Cousin, that was great," Balki smiles.
"You wanna go back and buzz Wrigley Field again?" Larry asks.
Balki holds up a baseball and says, "Maybe this time we can get the ball
autographed." "Okay, my turn!" Larry says, and he pulls
back on the wheel, making the plane shoot upwards. They do a barrel roll
and end upright again. "Oh!" Balki gasps, impressed.
"That was great!" Larry laughs. The plane suddenly starts to
dive. "Oh! Oh!" they both react with excitement.
"Nice maneuver, Cousin," Balki says. "Oh, I thought you did
that," Larry says. "Oh no no, that wasnít me," Balki
assures him, "I prefer more fluid movement. More of a kind of
serpentine type of thing."
"Well, okay, pull Ďer up,"
Larry suggests. Balki pulls back on the wheel but nothing happens.
He starts to look
worried and tells Larry, "I canít." "Just pull back on
the stick," Larry says. "Iím getting a strange feeling,"
Balki says nervously. "Well, of course you feel strange," Larry
offers, "We are headed at the ground at an enormous rate of speed but we
are safe thanks to good olí Teflonos." Larry pats Balkiís arm and
adds, "Just pull Ďer out of this." "Cousin, Iím trying
but . . . good olí Teflonos ainít doiní diddley," Balki reports.
Larry looks shocked. "Oh my God!" Balki cries, "What if
weíre not indestructible any more?" "B . . . Balki, thatís
not possible," Larry says, "You told me weíd be protected for
twenty-eight days and itís only been a week." "Yeah but . . .
but maybe Teflonos donít have enough power to protect two people," Balki
says, "M . . . maybe he can only take care of one of us. Cousin, if I
leave youíll be saved."
Balki starts to get out of his seat but
Larry stops him. "No, no, Balki! Donít do this!"
"But Cousin, itís our only chance," Balki says, trying to get up
again. "W . . . w . . . w . . . whoa, whoa whoa," Larry
stammers, "S . . .
suppose Teflonos decides to protect you. Iím gonna hit the ground like
an overripe cantaloupe." Balki looks up and says, "Teflonos . .
. if you can hear me I want you to stay with Cousin Larry." Balki
looks at Larry and says, "Goodbye, Cousin," before getting up from his
seat and opening the door behind Larry. "Oh no! No, no, Balki!
No, wait! Wait! Balki! Balki! Balki!" Balki
steps out onto the wing of the plane and shuts the door behind him. "Balki!
Donít do this! Balki!" Larry cries, "Hey, Balki!"
Balki is standing on the wing of the plane with no problem and says,
"Sorry, Cousin . . . " He steps off the wing and floats gently
in the air. " . . . I guess Teflonos decided to stay with me.
See you on the ground!" Balki does a backflip in the air as the scene
begins to dissolve.
The dissolve brings us back to Balki
slapping Larry in the back of Aceís plane to bring him around after he
fainted. "Cousin, wake up. Itís all right," Balki urges,
"Itís all right." "Where am I?" Larry asks.
to slap Larry, who asks, "Why are you beating me up?"
"Cousin, weíre . . . weíre in Mr. Aceís plane, okay?" Balki
explains, still slapping Larry as he talks, "And . . . and . . . and we
went into a dive and . . . and you fainted." "Yeah, you passed
out before I could tell ya I was just kiddiní about that bailiní out
business," Ace explains. "Well, thatís your idea of a
joke?" Larry asks angrily. "Now see, thatís the trouble with
you civilians," Ace complains, "Ya ainít got no sense of humor.
Just like them tough butts at NASA." "You mean you didnít bail
out?" Larry asks Ace, then turns to Balki and asks, "B . . . Balki
didnít land the plane? We didnít drive a motorcycle?" Balki
climbs back into the passenger seat and tells Ace, "I donít think Cousin
Larry is playing with a full deck chair." "It must have been a
dream," Larry realizes, "W . . . it seemed so real. Balki, we
did things you wouldnít believe!" "Well, Mr. Ace says he can
do some things you wouldnít believe," Balki says, "He said he can do
a loop-de-loop that makes almost all the blood go below your knees. Show
him Mr. Ace!" "All right!" Ace says manically, pulling back
on the wheel and making the plane fly in a large loop as Larry screams.
Back at the apartment, Balki opens the
door and he and Larry walk in and head for the couch. "Well, Cousin,
except for the screaming and the fainting, you had fun," Balki says,
"I guess youíve gotten over your fear of small
planes." "Balki, Iím never going up in a small plane
again," Larry states emphatically. "I guess I was wrong,"
Balki deduces. They sit down on the couch. "You know, sometimes
a little fear is a good thing," Larry concludes, "Iím going to bed
now." Larry gets up and starts for his bedroom as Balki picks up a
magazine from the coffee table. "You know, tomorrow, after I finish
my article, Iím going to spend the rest of the day enjoying some nice, safe,
non-life-threatening leisure activity," Larry states. Balki laughs
and calls after him, "Cousin. Cousin, hereís something you might
like." He reads from the magazine cover, "Bungee jumping.
Take the plunge." Larry walks back to the couch and asks, "Uh,
may I see that?" "Oh sure," Balki smiles, handing the
magazine to Larry. Larry proceeds to tear it in two and hands it back to
Balki, saying, "Thank you." "Youíre most welcome,"
Balki replies, and the episode ends.
There were some small
differences between the Shooting Script dated September 11, 1990 and the final
episode which made it to air:
the opening scene, Balki's line was originally, "I baked my butt off and
believe me, I banked on a bit of basic brotherly bolstering," not
mentioning the itty bitty binki ninkis.
After Larry points out
that he wrote an article on the sexual revolution, Balki replies, "Cousin,
I read that article, and afterwards I rolled over and went right to sleep."
this version, Balki says "Don't take your shorts out to brunch right after
reviving Larry the first time after he faints.
- When Larry is trying
to remember what Ace told them about the parachutes, he says, "Count to
three, jump and put on the chute. No. Put on the chute, and pull the
doohickey . . . No. Balki, I can't remember what he said."
Balki tells Larry that Ace said the coupon is not good on Saturday.
"Parachutes," Larry clarifies, "I can't remember what he said
about parachutes." "You don't have to, Cousin," Balki says,
"There are no parachutes in here." He then reads Larry the note
- Instead of breaking
a vase over his head, in this version of the script Balki goes to the
refrigerator and gets out a pop bottle. "I hope you're with me,
Teflonos," Balki says, then he drinks the pop and breaks the bottle over
- Instead of saying
"Fwing!", Larry says, "You're falling and then suddenly bam, you
stop inches from certain death."
- In this script,
after saying they have to be shot into the shark pool at feeding time, Larry
actually says, "Balki, let me get up on your shoulders."
- The directions for
the end of the dream sequence say Balki salutes and then starts to float away.
The plane continues to dive and Larry screams for help.
- After Ace points out
that civilians have no sense of humor, he adds, "You take those tough butts
at NASA. You borrow one little space shuttle for a joyride and they go
for the TGIF promos which aired September 21, 1990 were included at the end of
this script and shot after the filming of this episode. You can view the
script pages for these promos below and you can also view these spots on our YouTube
Channel (note that the beginning of the script for Family Matters is
quite different from the final spot!)
on to the next episode . . .