Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 102 - Call Me Indestructible

First Air Date: November 2, 1990
Filming Date: September 12, 1990
Nielsen Rating: 13.0 HH

Co-Producer: Alan Plotkin
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Paula A. Roth
Directed by: James OíKeefe

Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton

Guest Cast:
Kenneth Mars: Alvin ĎAceí Atkins
Dennis Tufano: Radio (Voice Over)

callmeindestgrab02.jpg (42349 bytes)Dimitri Appearances: The framed picture of Dimitri can be seen on the bookcase.

"Please take me to the friendly skies!  Balki is ready when you are.  I love to fly and it shows."
"Mr. Ace says he could fly it with both eyes tied behind his back."
"Cousin, donít take your shorts out to brunch!"
"Oh, Cousin, sometimes I canít see the forest through my knees."
"I donít think Cousin Larry is playing with a full deck chair."

Donít be ridiculous: Said once in this episode (as well as an unusual "Do be ridiculous!")

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Oh my Lord!"
"Thatís a good point, a very good point."

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Balki and Larry have a rapid-fire exchange of alliterations using the letter ĎBí
The Dance of Joy
Larry grabs Balki by the shirt or lapels
Balki and Larry do their "macho bit"

Songs: "Whoís Got the Pain?" - sung by Balki as he cooks in the kitchen

Interesting facts:
callmeindestgrab03.jpg (49612 bytes)-
Balki and Larry were on hand to host TGIF the night this episode debuted.  You can now view their spots on our YouTube Channel.
- The title of this episode is a play on the title of the song, "Call Me Irresponsible," which was most notably recorded by Frank Sinatra in the 1960's.  An album of standards sung by Michael Bublť with the name "Call Me Irresponsible" was released in 2007.
- This was the second episode directed by James OíKeefe, who had directed The Break Up earlier in the season.  Fans were used to seeing his name in the credits listed as a co-producer (his credit changed to that of consulting producer in season six), but he did direct as well, not only Perfect Strangers but episodes of Valerie, Full House and Family Matters.  He had also co-written the episodes, The Karate Kids, Up A Lazy River, Part One with Alan Plotkin.
- The opening number, "Whoís Got the Pain?", is from the 1955 Broadway musical Damn Yankees.  The show was made into a film directed by Stanley Donen in 1958 with most of the Broadway cast playing their respective parts, most notably dancer Gwen Verdon playing the seductress Lola.  This song would be performed again on a later episode of Perfect Strangers as well.
- Actor Kenneth Mars, who appeared as the seemingly unstable "Ace" Atkins in this episode, has had a long and industrious career in movies and television.  He is probably most noted for his role in two classic Mel Brooksí movies; first as the German author of the play "Springtime for Hitler" in The Producers, then as Inspector Kemp in Young Frankenstein.  He also had a notable part in the comedy film, Whatís Up Doc?  But those are just a few of his credits.  He appeared in episodes of Gunsmoke, Get Smart, Mannix, That Girl, Ironside, Love, American Style, Barney Miller, Family, Fernwood 2 Night, Alice, Cagney & Lacey, Magnum, P.I., Hardcastle and McCormick, Simon & Simon, 227, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Diagnosis Murder, Hanginí With Mr. Cooper, Party of Five, Boston Common, Weird Science, Nash Bridges, Becker, Will & Grace, Malcolm in the Middle and Hannah Montana.  Amazingly, the credits for his voice work in various animated projects over the years reads just as long . . . and these are only some of the shows he has appeared in!
- Dennis Tufano, who has an uncredited role as the voice of the air traffic controller in this episode, was once a member of the rock band The Buckinghams.  He also performed the original theme song for Family Ties, "Without Us" along with Mindy Sterling, but their version was used for the first ten episodes of the series only.  He is now producing documentary films.
- The name Teflonos is obviously a spoof on Teflon, which is a non-stick material developed by DuPont.  Itís most recognized application is as a surface on pots and pans.  Larryís reference to Levolos is a joke on Levolor, which makes blinds, draperies and other window treatments.
- While filming the scene in which Balki comes back in the apartment with the bungee cord pulling at his leg, Bronson suffered rope burns on his ankle.  You can read about this and more behind the scenes happenings in our On the Scene . . . report.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
callmeindestgrab05.gif (94017 bytes)-
When the tower calls Ace's plane they ask for the call numbers "Nancy, seven eight three five Romeo," or in other words N/783 R.  But on the stock footage, the number on the plane is clearly N/835 R.  The numbers called by the tower are written on the side of Ace's plane in the close shots.  Later, when Balki and Larry are flying the small plane themselves it is only supposed to look like Ace's plane, but you can see the numbers N7835R on the side when Balki floats away.

The episode begins in the apartment where Balki is busy cooking in the kitchen.  As he cooks, he is singing "Whoís got the pain when they do the mambo?  Whoís got the pain when they go, ĎOoh!í  Whoís got the pain when they do the mambo?  I donít know who . . . do you?"  Balki sprinkles some powdered sugar over the food heís just taken out of the oven.  He then turns and shakes the sugar around him, dancing as he sings, "Someone must be sick of the heat . . . or stepping on everyoneís feet . . . "  Larry enters through the front door and walks to the counter.  "Hi, Cousin," Balki greets him, "I just baked a big batch of bang bong binki ninki bacalava."  "Bang bong binki ninki bacalava?" Larry repeats.  "Bingo!" Balki replies, spearing a piece with a toothpick and handing it to Larry, "Want a big bite, booby?"

"Better not, buddy," Larry replies.  Balki drops the offering back into the pan and sighs, "Bummer."  "Bitter, Balki?" Larry asks.  "You bet your bibbibabkas Iím bitter, baby," Balki retorts, "I broke my butt baking these itty bitty binki ninkis . . . and believe me, I banked on a bit of basic brotherly bolstering."  "Balki, buddy, baby," Larry says, "Iíve had a lot on my mind."  Larry walks to the dining table and sets down his briefcase, opening it.  "Wainwright gave me a very tough assignment," Larry explains, "Iíve gotta do a Ďwhatever happened to . . . í piece on Ace Atkins."  "Oh, Iíd love to know where he is," Balki smiles, then adds, "Iíd love to know who he is."  Larry reads from a notepad, "Alvin ĎAceí Atkins.  Highly decorated Korean War pilot.  After the war he became a test pilot.  Currently owner and operator of an air charter company and a Mr. Softee ice cream franchise."

"Wwowww, Cousin, youíre good," Balki responds, "Can you find out whatever happened to Mr. T?"  Balki impersonates the man, shouting, "I pity the fool!  I pity the fool!"  "Well, before I do that, Iíve got to finish this story," Larry says, walking over to the couch with Balki following, "Wainwright wants me to go up in Aceís plane tomorrow so I can do a first-hand account of what itís like to fly with him."  Balki gasps and begs, "Cousin, Cousin, Cousin!  Please!  Can I go?  Please take me to the friendly skies!  Balki is ready when you are.  I love to fly and it shows."  "Well, you can go if you want," Larry says.  "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!" Balki says, hugging Larry.  "You can tell me what it was like . . . Ďcause I wonít be there," Larry adds.  "Cousin, how you can write an article about flying with Ace unless you fly with Ace?" Balki asks.

"Balki, Iím a writer," Larry points out as they both sit on the couch, "I donít have to experience something to write about it.  I wrote a very comprehensive article about the sexual revolution."  Balki shakes his head in disapproval.  "I think you owe your readers a little more than that.  Cousin, you have to go up in that plane."  "Balki, I donít like small planes," Larry says, "They tend to . . . fall out of the sky."  "Cousin, itís your duty as a journalist," Balki insists, "Ted Koppel would go.  Sam Donaldson would go.  Clark Kent would go . . . 'course he wouldnít need the plane, but . . . "  "Balki, you canít change my mind," Larry insists, "Nothing you can do or say will make me go up in that airplane."  "Iíll tell Jennifer you sleep with a night light," Balki threatens.  Larryís mouth drops open in shock.

We next see footage of a small, single-engine, four-seater plane as it loops around the sky.  We can hear Larry crying out in panic from inside.  Ace is at the driverís controls with Balki in the passenger seat.  Both are enjoying themselves immensely.  Larry is in the back seat in a near state of panic.  "Now see there?" Ace asks them, "That particular move is the reason for the invention of the air sickness bag."  "Can you tell me why the white zone is for loading and unloading passengers only?" Balki asks.  "Do we have to be up so high?" Larry asks nervously.  "Oh, give me an airplane and an unlimited ceiling and I am a happy man," Ace laughs.  "Give me a flight of stairs and a Slinky and Iím a happy man," Balki offers.  "You are not alone there, my friend," Ace agrees, and they laugh together as the plane jerks to one side.

A voice comes over the radio, calling, "Tower . . . calling Nancy, seven eight three five Romeo.  Nancy seven eight three five Romeo, come in, please."  Ace picks up the radioís microphone and pushes the button before shouting, "Aw, shut up!"  Ace nudges Balki and laughs, then hangs up the microphone.  "Who . . . who was that?" Balki laughs, "The automatic pilot?"  "Nah, itís them jerks in the tower," Ace explains with frustration.  "W . . . well, shouldnít you answer that?" Larry asks, "It might be important."  "Naw, theyíre all bent out of shape Ďcause I didnít file a flight plan," Ace scoffs, "Hey, I donít know where Iím goiní.  Why should they?"  Ace and Balki laugh again.  Larry grabs Balki by the hair and pulls his head back, saying into Balkiís ear, "Weíre flying with a lunatic!"

"Say, would you like to fly?" Ace asks Balki.  "I would love to fly!" Balki replies, "But Iím not sure I have the upper body strength."  Balki flaps his arms.  "I mean the plane," Ace clarifies.  "The plane?" Balki asks.  "Yes," Ace nods.  "I would love to fly the plane!" Balki says, looking at the controls on his side.  "Hold it, Balki," Larry laughs nervously, "I . . . Iím sure itís probably against FAA regulations for anybody but Ace to fly his plane."  "Oh, thereís too damn many of them rules and regulations, if you ask me," Ace complains as he turns back to Larry, "I mean, if a man wants to fly we should let him fly.  So he fails a couple of them psychological tests.  Who cares?  Look at me.  Do I look unstable?"  Ace laughs riotously again and Balki joins him.  "Not at all," Larry says in a dismissive hurry, then adds, "Well, I think Iíve got enough for my article anyway.  Why donít we call it a day?"

"Not before we have us some fun," Ace says, and he pushes down on the wheel, causing the plane to go into a steep dive.  "Ooh, donít you just love it when all the blood is rushing to your head and youíre just this close to blacking out?" Ace asks Balki with a laugh.  "Hey, have you ever tried hanging upside-down, spinning around, drinking a cold soda real fast while blindfolded?" Balki asks.  "Oh, I love that!" Ace exclaims, "Have you ever held your breath and put your head in a tub of jello . . . ?"  "Pull this plane up now!" Larry screams.  "Oh, donít get your shorts in a bunch," Ace moans, "Iíve got everything under control."  Ace pulls back on the wheel but nothing happens.  "Whoa oh," Ace says, "Looks like we got us a situation here.  I canít seem to pull her out of the dive!"  Ace turns to look back at Larry and says, "Weíre gonna have to bail out."  Larry cries out twice then his eyes roll back in his head and he passes out.

Balki climbs into the back seat and slaps Larryís face gently, trying to bring him around.  "Cousin . . . Cousin . . . Cousin, come on."  Larry comes around.  "Itís going to be fun," Balki continues, "We get to . . . we get to jump out of an airplane."  "Thereís a couple of chutes stowed in that box behind that seat there," Ace explains, "Just put Ďem on, jump outta the plane, count to three and pull this here doohickey."  Ace opens the door and climbs out onto the wing of the plane, saying, "Well, Iíll see you boys on the ground at which time I will give you both a valuable coupon worth five cents toward purchase of any Mr. Softee item."  "W . . . w . . . w . . . wait, wait," Larry stutters, "No . . . no . . . no . . . "  Ace sticks his head back in the door and adds, "Oh . . . not good on Saturdays."  Ace closes the door behind him and then turns, jumping off the wing.  We see him drop from the plane and then open his parachute as he drops.

"Uh . . . uh . . . pull the doohickey . . . uh, jump . . . then count to three," Larry babbles, "No!  Uh, Balki, I donít remember what he said."  "He said the couponís not good on Saturday," Balki sobs.  "The parachutes!" Larry cries, "I donít remember what he said about the parachutes!"  "There are no parachutes," Balki explains calmly, holding a piece of paper.  "What?" Larry gasps.  "Yeah. Just a note that says, ĎBorrowed a couple of chutes.  Hope you donít mind.  Dave."  Larry snatches the note from Balki to look at it as Balki climbs into the pilotís seat.  "Hope you donít mind?!" Larry cries.  "No, I donít mind," Balki replies, "Actually I prefer the front seat."  Larry climbs into the passenger seat, saying, "Balki."  "Cousin, I . . . I guess weíre going to have to land the plane ourselves," Balki notes.  "What are you doing?" Larry asks, "You canít fly this plane!"  "Well . . . well, Cousin, how hard can it be?" Balki asks, "Mr. Ace says he could fly it with both eyes tied behind his back."

Balki pulls up on the wheel and the plane levels out.  "You see, Cousin?" Balki exclaims, "I made us stop falling out of the sky!  Now we are so happy we do the Dance of Joy!"  Balki starts doing the Dance of Joy in his seat, but Larry grabs him by the coat to stop him.  "Balki, thatís not good enough!  Weíve still got to land this plane!"  "Cousin, donít take your shorts out to brunch!" Balki urges, "While . . . while we were taking off and you were breathing into that paper bag I watched everything that Mr. Ace did.  Now if I can just do it backwards maybe I can land the plane."  "Oh my Lord, weíre gonna die!" Larry cries.  "No, Cousin, weíre not going to die," Balki insists, "Iím going to land the plane.  Now . . . now let me think . . . the first thing he did he . . . he . . . he . . . he called the tower . . . call the tower."  Balki picks up the microphone and clicks the button, imitating Aceís wild manner as he shouts, "Suck air, bozos, Iím bringiní her in!"  Balki laughs maniacally as Larry screams and the plane begins its descent.

Later at the apartment, Balki walks in the front door and sighs.  Larry enters behind him, looking relieved.  "I never thought Iíd see this apartment again," Larry says, "Look at this apartment!  I love this apartment!"  Larry gets down on his hands and knees and kisses the floor, then stands up again.  "Look at this couch!  I love this couch!"  Larry kisses the couch.  Balki taps Larryís hand with his own and Larry grabs Balkiís hand, exclaiming, "Look at this hand!  I love this hand!"  Larry kisses Balkiís hand, then turns to Balki and says, "Look at that face!  I love that face!"  Larry moves to kiss Balki but Balki places a hand over Larryís mouth to hold him back.  "Youíve kissed everything from here to the airport," Balki points out, "I donít think that policeman was that happy when you planted one on his horse."  Balki removes his hand.

"Balki, Iím just happy to be alive," Larry explains, "Do you know what happened?  One minute we were headed for the ground and the next . . . you made a three-point landing.  Somebody was looking out for us today."  Balki looks surprised and exclaims, "Of course!  Oh, Cousin, sometimes I canít see the forest through my knees."  Balki gets down on his knee and holds his arms up to the ceiling.  "Teflonos was with us today!"  Larry waits a moment and then asks, "Teflonos?"  "Teflonos, the Myposian God of Protection," Balki explains.  "Any relation to Levolos, the God of Window Treatments?" Larry asks flippantly.  Balki gets to his feet and says, "Scoff if you will, Cousin, but one Teflonos puts his protective, non-stick shield around you for the next phase of the moon youíre indestructible.  Oh Cousin!  Iíve always wondered what it would be like to put my head in a lionís mouth!"  Balki mimes prying a lionís jaws apart.

"Balki, there is no such thing as Teflonos," Larry explains, "and if you put your head in a lionís mouth . . . heíll bite it off.  Now if youíll excuse me I am going upstairs to tell my fiancee how close I came to death today and while she is comforting me why donít you try and get in touch with Realitos?"  Larry smiles condescendingly to Balki and leaves the apartment, pausing before closing the door to give Balki another look.  After Larry is gone, Balki looks around and spots a vase with some flowers in it on the bookcase.  He gets them and turns back, dumping the flowers out on the floor and looking upward.  "Teflonos, I know youíre with me," Balki giggles, "so . . . here goes!"  Balki smashes the vase over his own head but it has no affect on him.  He laughs as if it tickles and comments, "Oh!  This is gonna be fun!"

The next morning, we see a whistling teapot on the stove.  Larry picks it up carefully and pours himself a cup of hot water where he has already placed a tea bag.  The water is extremely hot and Larry says, "Ow," several times before he fills the cup and places it on the counter.  Balki walks out of his bedroom with a bag over his shoulder and marches to the counter with determination.  "Morning, Cousin," Balki says.  "Morning, Balki," Larry replies.  Balki picks up the hot cup of tea and drinks it straight down without flinching.  He then walks to the window and starts moving items from the bookcase in front of it.  "Youíre not still thinking about putting your head in a lionís mouth, are you?" Larry asks.  "Well, of course not.  Donít be ridiculous," Balki answers, "The circus donít come to town for two months and Iím only indestructible for one."  Balki climbs out the open window onto the fire escape.

"Balki?" Larry calls, "Balki?"  On the fire escape, Balki is tying a length of cord to the railing.  Larry climbs out on the fire escape as well and asks, "Balki, what are you doing?"  Balki lifts his foot onto the railing and ties the other end of the cord around his ankle.  "Bungee cords, Cousin," Balki explains, "Iím going to . . . to dive off the fire escape and see how close I can get to the ground without actually hitting it."  Balki climbs over the railing and stands, looking down to the street below.  "Balki, I . . . I . . . I have seen bungee cord jumping on television," Larry says, "It is very dangerous.  People have been killed trying it."  "Well, they were foolish to try it without Teflonosí protection," Balki says, then he leans forward to fall face-first off the fire escape.

Larry grabs Balki by the handle of the bag around his shoulder and pulls him back in, crying, "No, no, no!  Balki!   Balki!  Th . . . this is insane!  You canít do this!"  "Well, Cousin, you canít stop me," Balki replies, and he leans out again.  Larry catches him again and pulls him back.  "No, no, no, no!" Larry gasps, and he climbs out on the outside of the railing to stand in front of Balki, trying to block him.  "All right, Balki . . . Balki . . .  Listen to me.  Listen to me."  He grabs Balki by the shirt collar.  "You canít do this!"  "Well, Cousin, thatís where youíre wrong," Balki argues, and he lets go of the railing behind him and leans forward.  Realizing they are falling, Larry grabs Balki tightly around the chest and they plunge off the fire escape.  We see the bungee cord unwind from the fire escape and the scene fades to black.

When act two begins, we see Balki and Larry drop off the fire escape again.  The rope unwinds but then we see the end of it pull taut where Balki tied it to the railing.  Back in the apartment, the front door flies open and Larry enters, looking shocked, exhilarated and amazed all at the same time.  His hair is standing straight up on end.  He walks to the coffee table and breathes heavily with wide eyes for some time.  "What a rush!" he finally exclaims. Balki enters the apartment.  His hair is also standing up on end.  He still has the bungee cord tied around his ankle, which is pulling him back, making it difficult for him to make it to the coffee table.  "What a thrill!" Larry exclaims, "What an experience!  I have never felt anything like it before in my life!  Youíre falling . . . and then suddenly . . . FWING! . . . you stop . . . inches from certain death!  That bungee cord shouldnít have been able to hold our weight . . . but it did!"

Larry puts his foot up on the coffee table.  Balki tries to do the same but the bungee cord keeps pulling it off again.  He struggles with it repeatedly, finally grabbing his foot and placing it on the coffee table.  He seems to have it conquered, when the cord pulls his foot off the table again and he has to grab on to Larry to keep from falling.  They both fall back onto the couch.  Larry gets up and walks to the end of the couch, grabbing Balkiís legs and pulling them closer so he can untie the bungee cord.  "You know, Balki, that was incredible."  "Yeah, it sure was," Balki agrees, "That Teflonos knows how to show you a good time, donít he?"  "Now, let me get this straight," Larry begins, then he finishes untying the cord and it pulls him clear across the living room as it retracts out the door.  Larry picks himself up and continues as Balki stands up.  "For the next twenty-eight days we can do anything we want and not get hurt?" Larry asks.

"Thatís right, Cousin," Balki confirms, "What death-defying, life-threatening stunt is first on your list?"  "Well, you know . . . Iíve always had this secret desire to go right to the top of the Sears Tower and go right ahead and . . . look down!" Larry offers.  "Yeah, well, I . . . I . . . I can . . . I can see where that would be a big step for you, Cousin, but while weíre under Teflonosí protection why you donít think of something a little more daring?" Balki suggests.  "Well, there is one thing Iíve always wanted to do," Larry says, then he hesitates, "No, I canít.  Itís ridiculous."  "Well, of course you can!" Balki insists, "Do be ridiculous!"  "Balki, youíre right," Larry agrees, "Letís do it!"  They do their "macho bit," using their hands to grab at the air in front of them in a masculine manner.

In the next scene we see the view of a road speeding by from behind the handlebars of a motorcycle.  We then see that Larry is driving and Balki is riding behind him.  They are thrilled and scream with excitement as they race along at breakneck speed.  "This is great!" Larry calls, "In fact, if it werenít for the bugs in my teeth Iíd say this is the best time I ever had!  Ooh, Balki, I got a great idea."  "What?" Balki asks.  "Why donít you drive for a while?" Larry suggests.  "Thatís a great idea!" Balki agrees.  Larry stands up on the motorcycle seat and Balki stands up on the back.  Balki steps over Larry as they switch places while the motorcycle continues to roll at full speed.  Balki is now in the driverís seat and Larry is behind.  Balki leans back and puts his feet up on the handlebars for a while.  He sits back down and says, "Cousin . . . Cousin . . . I love the new spontaneous you!  Whatís next on our list?"  "Well, weíre scheduled to get shot out of a cannon at four," Larry reminds him.  "Uh huh," Balki nods.  "But that might interfere with our swimming with sharks at five," Larry finishes.  "Maybe we could get the cannon to shoot us into the shark pool?" Balki asks.  "Great idea," Larry agrees, "but it has to be at feeding time."

"Oh yeah, right," Balki nods.  Larry stands up on the seat again and then climbs into Balkiís shoulders.  He sits on Balkiís shoulders and holds his arms out on either side.  Balki then covers his eyes with one hand as they tear down the road.  "Cousin, I was thinking . . . tomorrow might be a good time for you to get over your fear of small planes."  "Great idea," Larry agrees, "And the best way to do that is for me to fly the plane myself."  "Cousin, you donít know how to fly a plane," Balki points out.  "Well, I donít know how to drive a motorcycle, either," Larry reminds him.  "Thatís a good point, a very good point," Balki agrees.  "Letís hang two," Larry says.  "Okay," Balki answers.  Larry gets off Balkiís shoulders and they each climb to either side of the motorcycle, each standing on one footrest.  "Oh, whatís that sign say?" Larry asks as they whip past a sign on the road.  "Freeway ends in three hundred feet," Balki reports.  "Yes!" Larry says happily.  They lean out on both sides of the motorcycle, throwing their hands up and shouting, "Yeah!"

We cut to a scene of a small plane doing aerial tricks and loops in the sky.  Balki is in the pilotís seat and Larry is at the secondary controls in the passenger seat.  They are laughing and having fun.  "Cousin, that was great," Balki smiles.  "You wanna go back and buzz Wrigley Field again?" Larry asks.  Balki holds up a baseball and says, "Maybe this time we can get the ball autographed."  "Okay, my turn!" Larry says, and he pulls back on the wheel, making the plane shoot upwards.  They do a barrel roll and end upright again.  "Oh!" Balki gasps, impressed.  "That was great!" Larry laughs.  The plane suddenly starts to dive.  "Oh!  Oh!" they both react with excitement.  "Nice maneuver, Cousin," Balki says.  "Oh, I thought you did that," Larry says.  "Oh no no, that wasnít me," Balki assures him, "I prefer more fluid movement.  More of a kind of serpentine type of thing."

"Well, okay, pull Ďer up," Larry suggests.  Balki pulls back on the wheel but nothing happens.  He starts to look worried and tells Larry, "I canít."  "Just pull back on the stick," Larry says.  "Iím getting a strange feeling," Balki says nervously.  "Well, of course you feel strange," Larry offers, "We are headed at the ground at an enormous rate of speed but we are safe thanks to good olí Teflonos."  Larry pats Balkiís arm and adds, "Just pull Ďer out of this."  "Cousin, Iím trying but . . . good olí Teflonos ainít doiní diddley," Balki reports.  Larry looks shocked.  "Oh my God!" Balki cries, "What if weíre not indestructible any more?"  "B . . . Balki, thatís not possible," Larry says, "You told me weíd be protected for twenty-eight days and itís only been a week."  "Yeah but . . . but maybe Teflonos donít have enough power to protect two people," Balki says, "M . . . maybe he can only take care of one of us.  Cousin, if I leave youíll be saved."

Balki starts to get out of his seat but Larry stops him.  "No, no, Balki!  Donít do this!"  "But Cousin, itís our only chance," Balki says, trying to get up again.  "W . . . w . . . w . . . whoa, whoa whoa," Larry stammers, "S . . . suppose Teflonos decides to protect you.  Iím gonna hit the ground like an overripe cantaloupe."  Balki looks up and says, "Teflonos . . . if you can hear me I want you to stay with Cousin Larry."  Balki looks at Larry and says, "Goodbye, Cousin," before getting up from his seat and opening the door behind Larry.  "Oh no!  No, no, Balki!  No, wait!  Wait!  Balki!  Balki!  Balki!"  Balki steps out onto the wing of the plane and shuts the door behind him.  "Balki!  Donít do this!  Balki!" Larry cries, "Hey, Balki!"  Balki is standing on the wing of the plane with no problem and says, "Sorry, Cousin . . . "  He steps off the wing and floats gently in the air.  " . . . I guess Teflonos decided to stay with me.  See you on the ground!"  Balki does a backflip in the air as the scene begins to dissolve.

The dissolve brings us back to Balki slapping Larry in the back of Aceís plane to bring him around after he fainted.  "Cousin, wake up.  Itís all right," Balki urges, "Itís all right."  "Where am I?" Larry asks.  Balki continues to slap Larry, who asks, "Why are you beating me up?"  "Cousin, weíre . . . weíre in Mr. Aceís plane, okay?" Balki explains, still slapping Larry as he talks, "And . . . and . . . and we went into a dive and . . . and you fainted."  "Yeah, you passed out before I could tell ya I was just kiddiní about that bailiní out business," Ace explains.  "Well, thatís your idea of a joke?" Larry asks angrily.  "Now see, thatís the trouble with you civilians," Ace complains, "Ya ainít got no sense of humor.  Just like them tough butts at NASA."  "You mean you didnít bail out?" Larry asks Ace, then turns to Balki and asks, "B . . . Balki didnít land the plane?  We didnít drive a motorcycle?"  Balki climbs back into the passenger seat and tells Ace, "I donít think Cousin Larry is playing with a full deck chair."  "It must have been a dream," Larry realizes, "W . . . it seemed so real.  Balki, we did things you wouldnít believe!"  "Well, Mr. Ace says he can do some things you wouldnít believe," Balki says, "He said he can do a loop-de-loop that makes almost all the blood go below your knees.  Show him Mr. Ace!"  "All right!" Ace says manically, pulling back on the wheel and making the plane fly in a large loop as Larry screams.

Back at the apartment, Balki opens the door and he and Larry walk in and head for the couch.  "Well, Cousin, except for the screaming and the fainting, you had fun," Balki says, "I guess youíve gotten over your fear of small planes."  "Balki, Iím never going up in a small plane again," Larry states emphatically.  "I guess I was wrong," Balki deduces.  They sit down on the couch.  "You know, sometimes a little fear is a good thing," Larry concludes, "Iím going to bed now."  Larry gets up and starts for his bedroom as Balki picks up a magazine from the coffee table.  "You know, tomorrow, after I finish my article, Iím going to spend the rest of the day enjoying some nice, safe, non-life-threatening leisure activity," Larry states.  Balki laughs and calls after him, "Cousin.  Cousin, hereís something you might like."  He reads from the magazine cover, "Bungee jumping.  Take the plunge."  Larry walks back to the couch and asks, "Uh, may I see that?"  "Oh sure," Balki smiles, handing the magazine to Larry.  Larry proceeds to tear it in two and hands it back to Balki, saying, "Thank you."  "Youíre most welcome," Balki replies, and the episode ends.

Script Variations:
There were some small differences between the Shooting Script dated September 11, 1990 and the final episode which made it to air:
- In the opening scene, Balki's line was originally, "I baked my butt off and believe me, I banked on a bit of basic brotherly bolstering," not mentioning the itty bitty binki ninkis.
- After Larry points out that he wrote an article on the sexual revolution, Balki replies, "Cousin, I read that article, and afterwards I rolled over and went right to sleep."
- In this version, Balki says "Don't take your shorts out to brunch right after reviving Larry the first time after he faints.
When Larry is trying to remember what Ace told them about the parachutes, he says, "Count to three, jump and put on the chute.  No.  Put on the chute, and pull the doohickey . . . No.  Balki, I can't remember what he said."  Balki tells Larry that Ace said the coupon is not good on Saturday.  "Parachutes," Larry clarifies, "I can't remember what he said about parachutes."  "You don't have to, Cousin," Balki says, "There are no parachutes in here."  He then reads Larry the note from Dave.
Instead of breaking a vase over his head, in this version of the script Balki goes to the refrigerator and gets out a pop bottle.  "I hope you're with me, Teflonos," Balki says, then he drinks the pop and breaks the bottle over his head.
Instead of saying "Fwing!", Larry says, "You're falling and then suddenly bam, you stop inches from certain death."
In this script, after saying they have to be shot into the shark pool at feeding time, Larry actually says, "Balki, let me get up on your shoulders."
The directions for the end of the dream sequence say Balki salutes and then starts to float away.  The plane continues to dive and Larry screams for help.
After Ace points out that civilians have no sense of humor, he adds, "You take those tough butts at NASA.  You borrow one little space shuttle for a joyride and they go ballistic."

The scripts for the TGIF promos which aired September 21, 1990 were included at the end of this script and shot after the filming of this episode.  You can view the script pages for these promos below and you can also view these spots on our YouTube Channel (note that the beginning of the script for Family Matters is quite different from the final spot!)

tgifscript092190-1.jpg (61163 bytes)    tgifscript092190-2.jpg (62256 bytes)    tgifscript092190-3.jpg (61851 bytes)    tgifscript092190-4.jpg (71098 bytes)

Continue on to the next episode . . .