Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 107 - The Sunshine Boys

First Air Date: December 7, 1990
Filming Date: November 7, 1990
Nielsen Rating: 12.9 HH

Co-Producer: Alan Plotkin
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: John B. Collins
Directed by: Judy Pioli

Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne Spencer

Guest Cast:
F.J. OíNeil: Mr. R.T. Wainwright
Mark Neely: Bunky McDermott

sunshineboysgrab02.jpg (48669 bytes)Dimitri Appearances: The photograph of Dimitri can be seen on the bookcase.

"Cousin, I get to wear my bells?"
"Cousin, coronations are my favorite flower."

Donít be ridiculous: Not said in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Oh my Lord!"

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Balki makes a comment that goes "Well something something and call me something," in this case, "Well, love me tender and call me Elvis."
Balkiís love of Wayne Newton is brought up
Larry uses a clipboard to organize things
Balki tries to say something but Larry talks right over him, not letting him get a word in edgewise
Balki and Larry sigh simultaneously

Notable Moment: Marks the first and only appearance of Larryís nemesis, Bunky McDermott

Interesting facts:
The title of this episode is from Neil Simon play which is about two aging vaudeville comedians who are at odds with each other.
- After hearing Larry mention Bunky McDermott in previous episodes, we finally get to see him in person here.  Bunky was first mentioned by Larry in the episode Almost Live from Chicago, when Larry revealed his deep-seated jealousy of Bunkyís success.
- Mark Neely, who played Bunky McDermott, worked as an actor in the late 70's and throughout the 80's, appearing in such shows as Diffírent Strokes, Brothers, Soul Man, Night Court, Just the Ten of Us and Designing Women.  Since then he has worked as an independent corporate trainer and consultant. You can visit his website by clicking here.
- Did you ever wonder why Bunky was at the Chicago Chronicle in the first place?  After all, he comes down the stairs with Mr. Wainwright, who then only says goodbye to him.  Find out why Bunky met with Mr. Wainwright by reading the Script Variations below!
sunshineboysgrab04.jpg (44181 bytes)- The name "Beekman" would show up in various ways in the series from this episode on, similar to the way the name "Pfister" was used on Laverne & Shirley.  In this instance, Bunky is a member of The Beekman Club, which Larry longs to join.  Interestingly enough, the sign on The Beekman Club is superimposed, using the same font that was used for the seriesí logo in the first season!
- When Balki refers to Manny Moe & Jack, itís a reference to the spokes-characters for the Pep Boys, a nationwide auto parts retailer.  The characters were based on three of the stores four founders back in the 1920's.
- Balki says he can't attend Bunky's party because the Star Search Semi-Finals are on.  Star Search was a very popular televised talent competition which aired from 1983 to 1995.  Hosted by Ed McMahon, it was the American Idol of its age.
- Balkiís love of Wayne Newton is again referred to in this episode, with Larry using the fact to manipulate Balki into attending Bunkyís party.
- Balki also makes reference to Huey, Dewey and Louie, who are, of course, Donald Ducks nephews.
- When Balki comments that heís found Little Orphan Annieís eyes while wearing the tanning goggles, heís referring to the comic strip character created in 1924 by Harold Gray.  One of Annieís most notable features was the lack of pupils in her eyes, so the goggles with the circular centers would have been perfect for her.
- Balki has a tuxedo in this episode but itís not his old Myposian tuxedo but a new one, which more closely resembles a normal tux except for the embellishments.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
Bunky invites Larry to the Beekman Club where many of his old classmates are members.  But would that many of Larryís high school classmates have relocated to Chicago?
- When Larry first mentioned Bunky McDermott in the episode Almost Live in Chicago he said Bunky was the president of the high school chess club.  But itís kind of hard to imagine the Bunky seen in this episode as a chess club president.
- When Balki and Larry climb into the tanning beds, Larry sets the alarm clock upright on the coffee table.  Later, when Larry reaches for the clock some time later, it is lying on its side.  And why did they oversleep?  All this can be explained by reading the Script Variations below!
- Balki and Larry are in such horrible pain from their sunburns they can hardly move.  Yet somehow before act two begins theyíve managed to not only put on undershirts but to move the huge tanning beds back out of the way!

The episode begins in the basement of the Chicago Chronicle.  Balki is working on a crossword puzzle at his table.  Larry enters from the archives carrying a file.  "Cousin, whatís a six-letter word for Ďdo over?í" Balki asks.  "Repeat," Larry answers.  "Whatís a six-letter word for Ďdo over?í" Balki repeats.  "Repeat," Larry tries again.  "Whatís a six-letter word for Ďdo over?í"  "Repeat."  "Whatís a . . . ?"  "The word is Ďrepeat,í" Larry explains.  "Well, love me tender and call me Elvis," Balki responds, "Why you didnít say so in the first place?"  Balki writes the answer down as Mr. Wainwright appears on the stairs, followed by a young man.  "Appleton," he calls, "Have you got that racketeering story ready?"  "Y . . . yes, sir," Larry says as he hurries to his desk, "I just finished it, sir."  Larry hands the article to his boss, saying, "Here you are."  Mr. Wainwright turns away to look over the page.

Larry sees the other man and looks surprised.  "Bunky?" he asks, "Bunky McDermott?  Bunkster, itís me!  The Appleman!"  "Larry Appleton," Bunky responds, slapping Larry in a friendly manner on the arm, "Itís been a long time.  Youíre lookiní good."  "Well, so are you," Larry says, "Y . . . you havenít changed a bit.  You just look . . . richer."  Bunky laughs proudly at this.  "Well, how is everything going?" Larry asks.  "Well, I have a penthouse in New York, a villa in Capri and a castle in Spain," Bunky smiles, "What do you think?"  "I think it must be tough for you to run home for lunch," Balki replies.  Bunky gives Balki an odd look.  "This is my Cousin Balki," Larry introduces, "Balki . . . Bunky.  Bunky . . . Balki."  Bunky steps toward Balki to shake his hand but Balki gives him a hug.  "Balki!" Bunky greets him.  "Bunky!" Balki replies.

Mr. Wainwright steps over to Larry and hands him back the article, saying, "Nice work, Appleton.  You may win a Pulitzer yet."  He then offers his hand to Bunky and smiles, "Bunky, itís been a pleasure."  They shake hands and Mr. Wainwright exits.  "A Pulitzer?" Bunky says to Larry, "Say . . . Appleton, thatís very impressive.  Youíve come a long way since high school."  "Well, we had some good times, didnít we?" Larry smiles.  Bunky laughs and recalls, "Remember the time a bunch of us were going to the dance and we pretended weíd run out of gas and we made that poor sap go back and get some, and then we drove off?"  "That was me," Larry reminds him.  "Oh, I must have been thinking of that nerd whose books we always glued together," Bunky chortles.  "Uh, me again," Larry says.  "Cousin, Iím confused," Balki says, "Were you the sap or the nerd?"

"No, I was the sap," Bunky offers, "We did some pretty cruel things to ya in high school, Larry.  Iím really sorry about that."  "Well, thatís okay," Larry says, "I . . . I guess everybody does some stupid things when theyíre young."  "Boy, tell me about it," Balki interjects, "Back on Mypos there was this group of kids who used to crow like a rooster and get the hens all excited."  Bunky leans on Larryís shoulder and says, "Say, Mr. Pulitzer, The Beekman Clubís giving a little formal dinner dance on Saturday.  Why donít you come as my guest?"  "The Beekman Club?" Larry asks with interest.  "Yeah," Bunky says, "Oh, youíll feel right at home.  All the old gang are members."  "You mean Muffy, Buffy, Fluffy?" Larry asks.  "And Biff, Cliff and Griff!" Bunky adds.  "Sounds terriff!" Balki tags on, "Boy, you guys are taking me back.  Iím remembering my old gang back on Mypos . . . Glinki, Blinki, Dinki . . . Manny, Moe and Jack."  "I love this guy!" Bunky exclaims, throwing an arm around Balki, "You gotta bring him along.  Okay, dinnerís at nine."  Bunky slaps their backs and then exits.

"Well, Balki, this is great!" Larry smiles, "This is something Iíve been dreaming about since high school."  "Cousin, youíve eaten out before," Balki sighs.  "No, I . . . I mean, this is . . . this is a chance for me finally to be accepted by Bunky," Larry explains, "I mean, back in high school everybody wanted to be in Bunkyís crowd.  They were the smartest, the best looking, the most popular . . . they had the most fun.  And next week, when I go to that party and walk in with Jennifer on my arm, Bunkyíll see that I am Larry Appleton, ace reporter for the Chicago Chronicle.  Heíll beg me to be a member of that club.  Ohh . . . itíll be Buffy, Muffy, Fluffy, Biff, Cliff, Griff and Larry."  "Well, Cousin, that sounds great," Balki smiles, "It sounds like youíre gonna have a wonderful time."  Balki picks up a wire basket to start delivering the mail, walking over to Larryís desk.  "No, weíll have a wonderful time," Larry corrects him, "He invited you, too."  "Well, Cousin, I canít possibly go," Balki points out, "Next Saturday night is the ĎStar Searchí semi-finals."

"Balki, he invited you," Larry repeats, "Bunky asked me to bring you along.  You donít say no to Bunky McDermott."  "Iím not," Balki agrees, "Iím saying no to Cousin McLarry."  Balki picks up the basket and returns to his table.  "All right," Larry says, "All right, youíre right.  Thereís absolutely no reason for you to go."  "Well, youíre right," Balki agrees.  "You wonít know anyone there," Larry continues.  "Thatís right," Balki says.  "Youíll be bored," Larry adds.  "Thatís right."  "You can meet Wayne Newton some other time," Larry finishes and he walks away.  Balki is intrigued and walks over to Larryís desk where Larry is acting nonchalant.  "Uh, Cousin, uh . . . did . . . did you say that, uh . . . Wayne Newton was going to be there?" Balki ventures.  "Of course," Larry smiles, and he continues looking through an archive book.  "Funny, Bunky, uh . . . didnít say that Wayne Newton was going to be there," Balki points out.  "Well, who do you think Fluffy is?" Larry asks.  Balki thinks about this.

The next Saturday, Larry is standing at the door checking two suits which are hanging there, marking his clipboard.  "Okay," Larry says, walking to the kitchen counter where Balki is standing, wearing rubber gloves, "Now, we only have seven hours Ďtil Bunkyís party.  In two hours Iíll have a light snack so I wonít pig out on the hors díoeuvres.  And in three hours and fifteen minutes Iíll shave so Iíll be smooth yet a little swarthy . . . "  "And in four hours the gold paint on your credit card should be dry," Balki notes, picking up the spray-painted card with a pair of tongs as Larry checks it off his clipboard.  "Cousin, uh . . . do you want me to do the rest of your wallet?" Balki asks, "Your . . . your library card sure looks a little shabby."  "No, no no no," Larry stops him, "Just the credit card is fine."  "Okay," Balki says, and he starts to take off the gloves.  The phone rings and Larry picks up the receiver and says, "Hello?  Oh yeah . . . hi Bunkster!  Yes!  Yeah . . . oh no, we havenít forgotten about the party.  No, Balki and Iíll be there with bells on."

Balki looks excited and asks, "Cousin, I get to wear my bells?"  Larry covers the mouthpiece with his hand and replies, "No, no you donít get to wear your bells."  Balki moans with disappointment.  Larry goes back to talk on the phone.  "Yeah, yeah . . . whatís that?  Oh, uh . . . you and the gang just got back from the Caribbean?  Well . . . well, isnít that a coincidence?  So did Balki and I."  Balkiís mouth opens and he is about the protest but Larry slaps a hand over his mouth to stop him.  "Yeah?  Oh yeah, no . . . we love the tropics.  Oh yeah . . . sun and surf, surf and sun.  Right.  Yeah, Iím surprised we didnít run into ya.  Okay.  All right, see ya tonight.  Bye bye."  Larry hangs up the phone and after a beat he takes his hand off Balkiís mouth, but he talks before Balki can say anything.  "Yes, I lied to Bunky!  Yes, I have a good reason!  Yes, Iíll tell it to you if you just give me a chance.  I lied to Bunky so that I wouldnít hurt their feelings."  "Well, I think that . . . " Balki tries to protest.  "If we go to that party and Bunky and his friends find out weíre the only ones who havenít been to the Caribbean, they are going to feel terrible."

"Well, I think itís better . . . " Balki tries to say.  "You wouldnít want that to happen, would you?" Larry asks.  "Wait a minute . . . let me just . . . let me just get . . . no, let me get my thought in . . . "  "Would you?  Would you?  You wouldnít want that to happen would you?"  "No, no," Balki sighs, "I wouldnít want to hurt Muffy, Buffy, Puffy, Huey Dewey and Louie."  "Good," Larry says.  "Not to mention Wayne," Balki adds.  "Good," Larry says, "Good.  Now, weíve got to hurry.  Weíve only got a couple of hours to get a suntan."  Larry starts for the door.  Balki follows, asking, "Cousin . . . wh . . . wh . . . why we do need a suntan?"  "To prove that we have been in the Caribbean," Larry explains.  "Cousin, this is where your silly little plan falls apart," Balki argues, "We donít have enough time to go to the Caribbean, get a suntan and get back in time for the party."  "I see what youíre saying," Larry nods, "Youíre saying that we should get a suntan right here in the apartment.  Good thinking, Balki."  "No, no, wait wait wait . . . I . . . I . . . " Balki tries to argue but Larry smiles, "You know, Iíd be nothing without you."  Larry opens the door and pushes Balki out as Balki stammers, "W . . . I . . . I . . . I . . . I was painting the card . . . . "

Later that afternoon there are two large tanning beds set up in the living room of the apartment.  Balki and Larry stand between them wearing robes and rubbing their arms.  "Okay," Larry says, "weíve put on the suntan lotion . . . we are ready to tan."  "I donít know, Cousin," Balki says, "I . . . I donít know if itís working.  I put it on and Iím still as white as a mackerel in the moonlight."  "Balki, first we have to get into the tanning beds, turn them on and let the ultraviolet lights gradually tan us," Larry explains.  They undo the ties of their robes and are about to take them off when they eye each other self-consciously and turn their backs to one another.  They disrobe, revealing they are wearing nothing but boxer shorts.  Turning back around, they eye each other and themselves, and then puff out their chests and flex their muscles to make themselves appear more manly.  "Okay," Larry says as they sit on the edge of the beds, "Now . . . Iíll just set the alarm for half an hour."  Larry sets an alarm clock and sets it down on the coffee table.  "That should give us enough of a tan to impress Bunky.  Okay, now . . . put these on."

Larry hands Balki a pair of plastic tanning goggles.  Balki thinks a moment, then puts them on the bridge of his nose and exclaims, "Cousin, look!  I found Little Orphan Annieís eyes!"  "Balki, get into the tanning bed now," Larry says seriously.  "Okay, okay," Balki agrees, and they both climb into the beds.  Balki lays down, then pops back up, holding the goggles over his chest and asking, "The top of Barbieís bikini?"  Larry looks at him and scolds, "Balki!"  "Oh!" Balki cries, and he lays down again.  The scene dissolves to some time later.  Larryís hand reaches out of the bed and grabs the alarm clock, which Larry pulls into the bed to look at.  "Oh my Lord!" Larry cries, "Balki!  Balki, we overslept!  Get up!  Get up!"  They turn the booths off from controls on the table and then lift the lids, sitting up to reveal that they are now both bright red from head to toe.  Balki still has the goggles on as he looks at Larry.  Larry is staring at Balki in shock.  Balki lowers his head so the goggles drop off into his lap, then he looks back at Larry and is startled by what he sees.  They look down at their own arms and then press on them with their fingers.  Moments later they both let out a loud scream of pain and the scene fades to black.

Act two begins with the badly sunburned Balki and Larry sitting on the couch with an oscillating electric fan on the coffee table in front of them.  When the fan is pointing at Larry, he looks happy and Balki looks miserable.  When the fan turns and points to Balki, Balki looks happy and Larry looks miserable.  "You know, Cousin," Balki begins, "when we were in the tanning beds I dreamt we were at Bunkyís party."  "Yeah?" Larry asks.  "It was on the sun," Balki says.  "All right, all right," Larry sighs, "Maybe we did get a little too much sun."  "A little too much sun?  Ha!" Balki exclaims, then he reacts with pain from opening his mouth so wide, "Cousin, even though it means I wonít be meeting Wayne Newton, I think we should skip Bunkyís party."  Larryís eyes open wide in shock.  "Balki, if I donít go to this party, Iíll miss my chance to become a member of the Beekman Club and Iíll regret it for the rest of my life.  Do you want me to regret it for the rest of my life?"  "Well, of course not, Cousin," Balki replies, "You regret so much already."  Balki and Larry turn their heads to look at each other and react in pain, crying, "Ow!"  "All right," Larry says, "All right, come on.  Letís get our tuxes on."  Larry turns off the fan.  "Now, weíre already late, so we gotta hurry," Larry urges.  "Okay," Balki moans.  "Letís go," Larry prompts.

"Okay," Balki whines.  They slowly begin to stand up, fighting against the pain.  Once on their feet, they start to walk over to the front door, taking it one step at a time (in unison) and groaning in pain with each step.  After only after a few steps they stop and look at each other, moaning again.  "All right . . . letís make a run for it," Larry suggests.  "Okay, ready?" Balki asks, "One, two, three!"  They both make a run for the front door, screaming in pain the entire way.  They reach the door and Larry accidentally puts his hand on Balkiís back, causing Balki to scream in pain.  Balki turns and Larry tries to help by grabbing his upper arms, causing Balki to scream again.  Balki then grabs Larryís stomach with both hands, causing him to cry out in pain.  Larry is about to grab Balkiís chest when Balki holds up his hands and cries, "Truce!  Truce!  Truce!  Truce!" until Larry finally stops.  Larry and Balki both take a deep sigh and then accidentally rest their hands on their chest, causing them to cry in pain.  "Uh . . . give me my tux," Larry says.  "Okay," Balki says, and he cries as he painfully reaches up and takes Larryís tuxedo down from the hook on the door and hands it to him.  Balki turns away just before Larry takes it and accidentally presses the suit and hanger up against Larryís chest, causing him to cry out in pain again.  Larry takes the tuxedo and then digs his fingers into Balkiís chest in retribution, causing Balki to scream.

Balki is about to put his fingers on Larryís face when Larry cries out, "All right, no!  Truce!  Truce!  Truce!  Truce!"  Once again they sigh simultaneously and then accidentally rest their hands on their chests again, causing them to scream.  "Get your tux," Larry says.  Balki breathes heavily as once again he slowly reaches up and takes his tuxedo down from the door.  Slowly and painfully they move forward and then Larry removes the jacket from the hanger and drops it on the couch, then takes the pants from the hanger.  Balki simply shakes his hanger until the pants fall onto the floor, and then he tosses the jacket and hanger onto a chair.  They moan and cry and say, "Ow!" as they begin the arduous task of trying to put on their pants.  Larry lifts his left leg and tries to bend down far enough to get it into his pants.  Balki struggles to work his way into the opening of his pants with just his feet, manipulating them with his toes.  Larry rests his foot on the arm of the couch and finally manages to pull his leg into one side of the pants.  Larry is about to try the other leg when Balkiís bizarre gyrations to work his legs into his pants while they are still on the floor makes him stop and watch.  Balki finally gives up, realizing this isnít going to work.  Larry finally manages to lift his right leg as Balki bends down to grab his pants.  "Okay," Larry says.  "Okay," Balki repeats.  "Letís just get this over with," Larry suggests.  "Right," Balki agrees, "Okay, ready?  One, two, three."  Balki and Larry pull up their pants as fast as they possibly can, screaming and crying as they do so.  They both let out a big sigh of relief once itís done, then each of them clasps their hands together, causing their pants to fall back down to the floor.

At the Beekman Club, we see the party in full swing.  Jennifer and Mary Anne enter, wearing long, beautiful evening gowns.  They notice immediately that the theme of the party is anything but formal.  A calypso band is playing and everyone is dressed in aloha shirts, shorts and casual wear.  "Mary Anne, do you see what I see?" Jennifer asks.  "Yeah, nobodyís wearing an evening gown," Mary Anne notes, "Boy, are they gonna be embarrassed!"  "And nobody else has a suntan, either!" Jennifer realizes, "Larry, are we . . . ?"  Jennifer turns to talk to Larry but heís not there.  She asks, "Larry?" as Larry and Balki finally arrive, moving slowly in their tuxedos and still very obviously sunburned.  They are both trying to act as casual as possibly despite the pain.  People at the party point and laugh at them.  "Larry . . . please tell me weíre at the wrong party," Jennifer says.  "Well, I hope not," Balki says, "Otherwise weíll miss Fluffy."  "Whoís Fluffy?" Mary Anne asks.  "Oh, thatís Wayne Newtonís real name," Balki explains.

Bunky appears and steps behind Balki and Larry, saying, "Appleton, glad you could make it."  "W . . . w . . . well, Bunky, you . . . you said the party was formal," Larry points out.  "Aw gee," Bunky responds facetiously, "Who was responsible for telling Appleton?  Oh . . . it was me.  I guess I forgot."  He laughs and the party guests laugh as well.  "Say, Appleton, what did you do in the Caribbean?" Bunky asks, "Put out fires with your face?"  Bunky slaps Larry hard on the back and laughs.  Larry tries to cover his pain by laughing along.  "Oh no, itís nothing," Larry assures him, "It, uh . . . it looks worse than it is."  "And Balki . . . " Bunky smiles mischievously, raising his hand to slap Balkiís back as well.  Balkiís hand shoots out to block the blow and he says, "Hi!  How are ya?"  "Iím well.  And you?  How are you?" Bunky asks.  "Well . . . if I was a charcoal briquette Iíd be fine," Balki answers, "But itís a small price to pay to see Fluffy."  "Do you know Fluffy?" Bunky asks with surprise.

"Do I know Fluffy?" Balki exclaims as Larry moves around Bunky to intercede, "I happen to be Fluffyís biggest fan."  "Balki . . . "  "You know the album that Fluffy cut in Cleveland right after he got the . . . "  Larry presses his hand on Balkiís chest, making Balki cry in pain.  "Uh, Bunky, Iíd like to introduce you to my fiancee, Jennifer Lyons," Larry introduces, "And this is Mary Anne Spencer, Balkiís girlfriend."  "Whoa!  Major league, Appleton," Bunky smiles, and he extends a hand to shake and says, "Happy to meet you, Jennifer.  Mary Anne."  "Thank you for inviting us," Jennifer says nicely.  "Well, everybody enjoy yourselves," Bunky encourages, "Iíll see you guys . . . later."  Bunky moves away from them.  "I . . . I hate to see you in this much pain," Jennifer says, "Maybe we should go."  "No . . . w . . . why donít we just sit down?" Larry suggests.  Larry and Balki move with pain to pull chairs out for Jennifer and Mary Anne, who sit down although they look sympathetic to the boys.  After pushing in Mary Anneís chair Balki starts to cry, "Oh!  Oh!"  "Oh, your sunburn?" Mary Anne asks.  "No, the chairís on my foot," Balki explains.  Mary Anne tilts her chair forward so Balki can pull his foot free.  "You okay?" Mary Anne asks.  "Yes," Balki assures her, then cries, "Ah!" when she places a hand on his.  Balki and Larry then move to sit down.  "Okay, now everybody, come on, letís go!" Bunky calls out, "Attention!  Itís coronation time!"

The lights dim and everyone applauds as a spotlight starts to circle the room.  "Cousin, coronations are my favorite flower," Balki notes.  "No, Balki, I think theyíre going to make me a member of The Beekman Club," Larry explains with a smile.  "Oh!" Balki says as he places a hand on Larryís and makes him cry, "Ow!"  The spotlight stops on their table.  "Oh . . . see?  What did I tell you?" Larry asks, "Iím in."  Balki nudges Larry with his elbow, causing Larry to wince again.  "Larry?  Balki?  Would you please join me?" Bunky asks.  "Oh, Cousin, are they going to make me a member, too?" Balki asks excitedly.  "Well, Bunky said he liked you," Larry points out.  They laugh and clutch each other by the hand, sharing an "Ow!" as they do so.  They get up and slowly walk over to Bunky.  "Ladies and gentlemen . . . the moment youíve all been waiting for," Bunky begins as he cues the band to play a steel drum fanfare and everyone applauds.  "We are going to crown our kings for the evening," Bunky explains as some people start to giggle, "Our old friend from high school, Larry Appleton, and our new friend, his cousin Balki Bartokomous."  Everyone applauds again.  "Not only are we in, weíre kings," Larry says to Balki.  "May I have the crowns, please?" Bunky asks, and a person steps up and hands two crowns to him.  Bunky in turn places them on Larry and Balkiís heads, but they are so large they slip down.  Balkiís even slips down over his eyes.

The audience starts to applaud again but Bunky stops them.  "No, no, no, please . . . hold your applause until the end of the ceremony."  "Cousin, the . . . the previous kings must have had enormous heads," Balki notes.  "Okay, now," Bunky continues, "every king needs a throne.  And we searched high and low for one that was worthy of you."  He motions for a man to wheel out a covered seat from the back.  Bunky pulls away the sheet, revealing a toilet.  The party guests canít stifle their laughter any longer and Bunky laughs right along with them.  "Cousin, itís just like King Ferdinandís throne!" Balki observes, bending down for a closer look.  Larry pulls him back up as Balki says, "We . . . we must really be important."  Larry explains gently, "No, Balki, theyíre . . . theyíre making fun of us."  "All hail Appleton!  King of Fools!" Bunky proclaims, and everyone laughs and applauds again.  Larry removes the crowns from his and Balkiís head and speaks calmly.  "Youíre right, Bunky.  I am a fool.  I wanted to be a member of your club.  I was stupid enough to think you had changed since high school . . . but youíre still as cruel and insensitive as . . . as you were then.  And I . . . really donít want to spend another minute with you.  Come on, Balki.  Weíre leaving."  "Just . . . just a moment," Balki says, and he addresses the guests, "Frankly, I am shocked that Wayne Newton would have anything to do with any of you!"

Later at the apartment, Balki and Larry are sitting with the girls on the couch.  The girls are applying cream to the boysí faces.  "Larry, I donít understand why you wanted to join Bunkyís club," Jennifer says, "Heís a jerk."  "Well, I think the only reason I wanted to be in Bunkyís club was because Bunky didnít want me in his club," Larry explains.  "Cousin, on Mypos when we canít make friends with a skunk, we consider that a good thing," Balki states.  "Iíll try to remember that," Larry says, "Yeah, I . . . I must have been crazy.  I . . . I donít know why Iíd want to be friends with somebody like Bunky when I already have three of the best friends in the world."  "Well, Larry, youíre not only my best friend, youíre the man I love," Jennifer smiles.  "That goes for me, too, Larry!" Mary Anne blurts.  They all give her a strange look.  "I mean the friend part," she explain, "The love part is . . . someone else."  She and Balki share a flirtatious look.  The two couples kiss on the lips, which causes Balki and Larry to cry, "Ow!"

Script Variations:
There are some differences in the shooting script dated November 6, 1990 and the final episode as it aired:
When Mr. Wainwright first comes down the stairs with Bunky McDermott, he is saying, "Thanks a lot for the exclusive, Bunky.  An interview with the president of the Midtown Club (this is the name of the club in this version) is bound to increase our circulation.  The public loves to read about the rich and powerful."  "Hey, my pleasure, R.J.," Bunky replies.  (It should be noted that in previous shows Mr. Wainwright's initials are R.T., not R.J.)  Bunky slaps Mr. Wainwright on the back and continues, "Love to have you down to the club for lunch sometime.  Why don't you come on Wednesday?  The Governor usually drops by."  They reach the foot of the stairs and Mr. Wainwright says, "Thank you, Bunky," before asking Larry, "Appleton, do you have that racketeering story yet?"
After Bunky recounts the tricks the gang played on Larry, Balki says, "Cousin, I'm confused.  It sounds like a lot of bad things happened during the good times."
Balki recalls that his friends names are, "Glinki, Blinki, Minki, Mannie, Moe and Jack," in this version (with Minki instead of Dinki).
After Bunky says, "I love this guy.  You've got to bring him with you.  Dinner's at nine," Balki replies, "He'll be on time."  Bunky laughs and exclaims again, "I love this guy," before leaving.
After Larry says to Balki, "Who do you think Fluffy is?" the scene continued.  Balki asks, "Can I change my mind, Cousin?"  "I don't think so," Larry says.  "Please, please," Balki begs.  "I think it's too late," Larry insists.  Balki starts to cry, "Please, Cousin, I want to see Wayne Newton."  "Okay," Larry agrees.  "Danke Schoen," Balki smiles.
Balki's line about the suntan lotion in this version is the less colorful, "Cousin, I don't think it's working.  I'm just as white as ever."
The lines about Little Orphan Annie's eyes and Barbie's bikini are not in this version.  Instead, when Larry puts on the goggles Balki notes, "Cousin, you look like Bart Simpson."  "Just put them on and lie down," Larry scolds.  "Don't have a cow, man," Balki replies.
There is a short scene here which was cut from the final episode.  The directions read: "Int. Apartment - An Hour Later - The tanning beds are closed.  The alarm goes off.  Larry's hand reaches out and shuts the alarm off.  The tanning beds remain closed.  We hear the sound of snoring coming from the beds.  Larry and Balki sleep on.
When they first run to the door, the directions say they touch each other and scream, then Balki says, "Truce, truce, truce, truce . . . "  The directions only say that they hit each other and scream, then call a truce instead of intentionally grabbing one another in retaliation.  They do the truce bit a couple more times in this version, too.
When Balki is trying to get into his pants on the floor, his line is actually, "Here, pantsie, pantsie, pantsie, panstie . . . "
After their pants fall down, the directions say they face each other, start to cry and start to hug each other.  They scream in pain then cry again.
The script notes that Larry and Balki no longer have the white outlines around their eyes, but it's never explain how they achieved this.
After Bunky says he forgot to tell them the party wasn't formal, Balki says, "Mr. Bunky, you know, a good way to remember things is to put a little thorn in your nostril.  Believe me, you'll never forget."
After Jennifer thanks Bunky for inviting them, Mary Anne adds, "You have a lovely home."  "Mary Anne, this is a hotel," Jennifer explains.  "Oh, that explains the registration desk," Mary Anne muses.
After Jennifer suggests they might want to go, Larry says, "I can't go.  I may never get an opportunity like this again."  "Cousin Larry is right," Balki agrees, "Who knows when Wayne Newton will be in town again?"  "I mean, I may never get a chance to be a member of the Midtown Club again," Larry explains, then says, "Let's find out table."
After they are seated, Bunky comes over to them and says, "Hey, guys."  He is about to pat them on the back when Larry and Balki scream, then turn it into a laugh.  "Oh, your sunburn bothering you?" Bunky asks.  "Well, now that you mention it -- " Balki begins.  "Not at all," Larry interrupts, "It looks worse than it is."  "That's great," Bunky smiles, and he slaps Balki on the back.  Balki goes for his throat.
After Balki says he's shocked that Wayne Newton would have anything to do with any of the guests, Larry and Balki join Jennifer and Mary Anne and they all exit together.
As Jennifer is putting the lotion on Larry's face, Larry sighs, "Ah, that feels good."  "A little more on my nose, Mary Anne," Balki asks, "It's so hot I could brand a sheep with it."
The rest of the episode is the same.

The scripts for the TGIF promos which aired November 16, 1990 were included at the end of this script and shot after the filming of this episode.  You can view the script pages for these promos below and you can also view these spots on our YouTube Channel.

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