Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 108 - Hocus Pocus

First Air Date: December 28, 1990
Filming Date: November 14, 1990
Nielsen Rating: 13.2 HH

Co-Producer: Alan Plotkin
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Tom Devanney
Directed by: Judy Pioli

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton

Guest Cast:
Tony Montero: Secret Service Agent Hansen
Gloria McMillan: Mrs. OíNeil
Nick Lewin: The Amazing Timmy
Bruce Lanoil: The Ventriloquist

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri can be seen sitting on a stool watching Balki practicing magic tricks in the first scene.

Balki-isms:
"We say the magic words . . . abracapocus . . . Elia Kazan . . . "
"He told me he had to go to a stag party. That Timmy must love deer."

Donít be ridiculous: Not said in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Oh God!"
"Yes! 
Yes!!"
"Where do I come up with them?"
"I canít believe this!"

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Larry says the word "him" in a very intense, forced way
Balki laughs at his own joke
Larry cries and whines

Interesting facts:
hocuspocusgrab01.jpg (44694 bytes)-
Another set of TGIF spots featuring Bronson, Mark, Melanie and Rebeca had aired on December 21, 1990, even though Perfect Strangers did not air that night.  You can view these spots on our YouTube Channel.
- When Balki is mangling the word "Alakazam," he says Elia Kazan, who was a Greek-American film and theater director as well as a screenwriter and novelist.  He also co-founded the Actors Studio in New York in 1947.  Some of the classic movies he directed include A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Gentlemen's Agreement, Pinky, A Streetcar Named Desire, On the Waterfront, A Face in the Crowd, Splendor in the Grass and the infamous Baby Doll.
- Classic TV fans should know that Gloria McMillan, who played Mrs. OíNeil in this episode, played Harriet Conklin, Principal Conklinís daughter, in the popular series Our Miss Brooks starring Eve Arden, having originated the role on the long-running NBC radio series.  She also appeared on episodes of Dr. Kildare as well as the movie Smile.  She now runs a performing arts studio in California with her husband, Ron.  You can visit her MySpace page by clicking here!
- Balkiís Myposian tuxedo is seen again in this episode, only now heís wearing it more casually.  Since Balki had a new tuxedo in the previous episode we can assume his classic Myposian tuxedo has now became more casual wear?
- Bruce Lanoil, who is seen as The Ventriloquist in this episode, is a noted puppeteer and in-suit performer who has done work on the series Dinosaurs, Golden Girls, General Hospital, Studio DC and Muppets Tonight.  Movies he has worked on include The Country Bears, Cats and Dogs, Looney Tunes Back in Action, Monkeybone, The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, Muppets in Space and Spaced Invaders.  He was trained in part by Sid and Marty Krofft (H.R. Puf'n'Stuff, Sigmund and the Sea Monsters) in one of their workshops.  He has also done voice work for various programs and movies.  He co-created the company PerformFX with Dave Barclay.  You can visit the companyís official website by clicking here.
- While Nick Lewin, who played The Amazing Timmy, didnít actually get to perform any magic on the episode, he is a full-fledged magician and played one on Amazing Stories, Misfits of Science, Kenny Rogers in The Gambler, Dynasty and Kung Fu: The Legend Continues.  You can visit his official website by clicking here.
- Tony Montero, who plays the Secret Service Agent in this film, is still acting.  His television appearances include such shows as Murphy's Law, Hill Street Blues, Falcon Crest, Highway to Heaven, Knots Landing, Hunter, Beverly Hills 90210, NYPD Blue and Passions.
- During the filming of this episode, Bronson had a terrible time dealing with the basket and the turban at the same time.  Every time he looked down to open the basket, his turban would fall forward.  When he pushed back the turban, the basket would slam shut.  His struggles with these props actually went on for a very long time!

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
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When Larry takes the rubber chicken from the stage, he appears to carry it backstage and place it a box.  But if you look closely, you can just see something white in Larryís arms instead.  Actually, there was another segment cut from the show in which Larry went back on the stage and Balki somehow finally managed to conjure a rabbit.  Itís the rabbit that Larry is carrying off stage in that shot.


Synopsis:
The episode begins at the apartment.  We hear Balkiís voice over the establishing shot saying, "Okay, Dimitri, watch closely."  Inside the apartment we see Balki is standing by the couch.  There are several magic related items around him and he is holding something thatís covered with a red cloth.  Dimitri is sitting on a stool thatís set by the couch as if he is watching Balkiís performance.  Balki pulls the red cloth away to reveal a metal pan.  "We have here an ordinary souffle pan."  Balki waves his hand over the open pan and continues, "We say the magic words . . . abracapocus . . . Elia Kazan . . . and . . . flambť!"  The inside of the pan suddenly erupts in flames, startling Balki into falling back on the couch.  Recovering from the surprise, Balki gets back up and picks up a cover for the pan from the coffee table, which he sets on top and then pulls away, throwing out a bunch of tissue paper flowers.  Balki picks Dimitri up and makes him applaud with his little legs.

Larry walks into the apartment carrying his briefcase and coat. He looks exhausted.  "Hey Cousin, you just . . . you just missed a magic trick by the Great Balkini!"  "Life is so unfair sometimes," Larry sighs sarcastically.  Balki sets Dimitri and the stool aside and tells Larry, "Cousin, I could do it again."  "No, thank you, Balki," Larry says as he sits on the couch.  Balki joins him and picks up a black magic wand, which he waves in front of Larry.  "Well, thatís okay," Balki assures him, "Youíll see plenty of magic tonight.  The Amazing Timmy is performing at the Youth Center Charity Show."  Balki taps Larry on the head with the wand and says, "Ping!"  Larry takes the wand from Balki and it immediately collapses limply in his hand.  Larry tries to make it go straight again but canít.  Finally he tosses it on the couch behind them.

"Balki, Iím not going to the Youth Center Charity Show," Larry states.  "Youíre not going?" Balki asks with surprise.  "No," Larry says, "You asked me this morning if I was going and what did I say?"  "You said no," Balki recalls.  "And then you asked me again at lunch and what did I say?"  "You said no."  "Thatís right.  Do you see a pattern here?" Larry asks.  "Well, you know . . . " Balki hems, " . . . usually if I keep asking, eventually I wear you down."  "Well, the answer is still no," Larry explains.  "Iíll check with you later," Balki says.  "Iíll save you the trouble," Larry says, "No."  "Come on, Cousin!" Balki pleads.  "No.  No, Iím not going," Larry insists.  Balki starts tickling Larryís middle, teasing, "Come on!  Come on!  Come on!  Come on!  You want to go!  You want to . . . "  Larry is giggling but then yells angrily, "Stop it!"  "Oh God!" Balki stops with frustration.  "Iím tired," Larry complains, "Iím discouraged."  "Not to mention a little cranky," Balki adds as he picks up the red cloth and places it in his hand so that it sticks up through his fist.

"And with good reason!" Larry counters, "All week long I dug and I dug trying to come up with a big story and I have nothing.  Nothing!"  Balki mimes pulling a hair from his head and wrapping it around the cloth thatís sticking up, then makes the cloth move as if it is being pulled by the hair.  Larry watches this, trying to figure out how Balki is doing it.  "Wainwright rejected every story idea I had," Larry continues, and he takes the cloth from Balki to try the trick himself.  "If I donít come up with something . . . a story, an interview . . . something . . . . "  Larry pulls the cloth through his fist as Balki did but it just falls over to one side and doesnít move.  " . . . Iím going to be writing an obituary for my own career," Larry finishes.  "Well, at least youíll still be writing," Balki offers, and he takes the cloth back.  "Well, Balki, the important thing is that I . . . I get a story," Larry says.  Balki repeats the trick with the cloth as Larry again studies him.  Larry takes the cloth back to try again.  "This is important, too," Balki points out, "The kids wait all year for this annual variety show."  Larry reaches over and actually pulls a hair from Balkiís head, causing Balki to cry, "Ow!"  Larry twirls the hair around the cloth.  "Y . . . you know, theyíll all be looking forward to it," Balki adds.  Larry pulls the hair back but the cloth drops forward limply instead.

"You donít know what youíre missing," Balki says.  "Take photos," Larry says, tossing the cloth behind him in defeat.  "All right, all right," Balki sighs, "Iím gonna go get dressed.  Theyíre expecting me to come and help them set up.  But Cousin, cheer up.  Youíll come up with something."  Balki picks up another magic wand and starts waving it in front of Larry.  "No, I got nothing," Larry sighs.  "Oh, come on, Cousin," Balki encourages, "You never know . . . life is full of surprises."  Balki taps Larry on the head again with another "Ping!"  Larry grabs the end of the wand to pull it out of Balkiís hand but instead it comes away and bursts into a bouquet of flowers.  Balki smiles.  "How did you do that?" Larry asks.  "Well, I canít tell you for two reasons," Balki says as he gets up from the couch, "Number one: Iíd be violating the code of the magicians.  And number two: I have no idea."  Balki walks back into his bedroom

There is a knock at the front door.  Larry goes to answer it and an older woman steps through the door.  "Hello, Larry," she says, speaking with a British accent.  "Oh, hello, Mrs. OíNeil," Larry replies.  "I hope Iím not bothering you," she says.  "No," Larry assures her.  "I just wanted to drop off these programs for Balki to bring to the show tonight," Mrs. OíNeil explains.  "Well, I . . . Iíll make sure he gets them," Larry promises, taking the pamphlets from her.  "Oh, thank you," Mrs. OíNeil says, "Organizing this charity show is so much work.  Oh, I have to make the seating arrangements, talk to the lighting man, and now the Secret Service men are driving me just crazy about Margaret Thatcher stopping by."  Larryís eyes open wide at the same moment Mrs. OíNeil looks startled.  "Oh . . . you didnít hear that," she tells Larry seriously.  "M . . . Margaret Thatcher?  The ex-Prime Minister of Great Britain?" Larry asks.

"Well, yes," Mrs. OíNeil admits, "But oh, please donít say a word to anyone.  Sheís doing it for me as a special favor.  Mags and I went to school together and I promised her there would be no press or television people there.  Oh, she doesnít want to make a circus out of it, you know?"  "Well, your secret is safe with me," Larry promises, leading her to the door.  "Oh!  Thank you, Larry.  And remember . . . mumís the word on Mrs. T!"  "Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum," Larry smiles.  Larry closes the door behind her as she leaves and then shouts out, "Yes! Yes!!" as he pumps the air with his fist.  Balki walks out of his room carrying a cylinder and asks, "Cousin?"  "Yes?" Larry asks, leaning against the doorway to act casual.  "About that charity show . . . " Balki begins.  "Okay, Iíll come," Larry states.  Balki looks surprised, then asks, "Come again?"  "You know, Balki, Iíve been thinking about those kids," Larry says, "and Iíve been very selfish . . . putting my career above the happiness of those little children.  So Iíve decided to come."  "Oh Cousin, now everythingís coming up roses!" Balki exclaims, and he pulls the canister open and to reveal a large bouquet of flowers.

Later that night at the recreation center, a puppeteer is on stage performing a comedy magic act with his dummy, who is blindfolded.  In front of the dummy are three walnut shells laying face down.  "Ready?" the ventriloquist asks.  "Ready!" the dummy replies.  "Okay, Woody, concentrate . . . which shell is the pea under?"  Woody considers this a moment and then reaches down and picks up one of the shells.  "Um . . . this one!" Woody proclaims, and indeed the pea is under the shell. Woody stands up and calls out, "Ta da!"  The children in the audience applaud.  Balki and Larry are watching from the wings.  A large man in a suit and wearing an earpiece steps near them backstage and Larry walks over to talk to him.  "Itís okay," Larry assures him, "I know youíre with the Secret Service.  Iím handling things for Mrs. OíNeil.  Is everything on schedule with Mrs. T?"  "Everythingís fine," the Secret Service man answers, "Thanks."  "Roger," Larry replies, missing the condescension in the manís voice.

Larry walks back over to Balki, who is laughing at the puppeteer on stage.  "Whereís the Amazing Timmy?" Larry asks, "Heís the last act, isnít he?"  "Oh, heíll be here," Balki assures Larry, "He told me he had to go to a stag party.  That Timmy must love deer."  "Balki, a stag partyís got nothing to do with deer," Larry informs him.  "Well, Cousin, I beg to quibble with you," Balki counters, "I distinctly remember Timmy telling me that a certain Bambi was going to be jumping out of a cake."  "My mistake," Larry nods.  A door opens and a man in a magicianís outfit staggers into the backstage area.  He can barely stay on his feet.  "Oh, Mr. Amazing Timmy!" Balki says, "I . . . I want . . . I want you to meet my Cousin Larry."  Timmy takes Larryís hand and offers, "Itís a pleasure to meet you."  Timmy then falls in a heap onto the floor, out cold.  Balki looks down at the prone figure and comments, "I have never seen a performer so relaxed before a performance."

"Balki, he is drunk," Larry explains, "H . . . help me get him over to the couch over here."  "Okay," Balki agrees, and together they bend down to pick Timmy up. Balki gets the arms and Larry gets the legs.  They manage to carry Timmy over to the couch and then begin the difficult task of trying to haul the man up onto it.  Balki climbs up onto the couch and try to pull Timmy up as Larry works to roll the limp figure up.  Balki falls over the back of the couch and disappears from site as Larry manages to finally get Timmy up on the couch.  Balki stands up behind the couch and tries to help Larry roll Timmy over, but Balki falls back over the couch and lands at Larryís feet.  As Balki stands up, Larry says, "Well . . . looks like the Amazing Timmy was practicing his disappearing scotch trick.  Balki, go get some coffee."  "Cream and Sweet Ďn Low, Cousin?" Balki asks.  "Not for me," Larry clarifies, "For him!  For him!"  Balki turns to leave then stops at the Secret Service man and asks, "Do you want anything?"  The man just stares at him so Balki runs off.  The Secret Service man walks over to Larry and asks, "Is this the magic act?"  "Well, it was," Larry answers.

The Secret Service man opens his coat and talks into a microphone in the lapel.  "This is Agent Hansen.  Show ended early.  Skip the youth center.  Take Mrs. Thatcher directly to her next stop."  "W . . . w . . . wait a minute," Larry says, "What do you mean?  She . . . sheís still coming here, right?"  "No," Agent Hansen replies, "No.  No, the show ends early and Mrs. Thatcher has a very tight schedule.  She goes right to her next stop."  "She canít do that!" Larry protests.  "She can do whatever she wants," Agent Hansen points out.  "No, no, no," Larry stammers, "I . . . I mean th . . . th . . . the show will go on.  Th . . . the magic act will go on."  Larry turns to the couch and straddles Timmy, grabbing him by the lapels and shaking him, shouting, "Wake up!  Wake up!  Wake up!  You gotta get out there!  Youíve got to do your magic act or my life is over!"  Balki has returned with the coffee and comments, "Cousin, I had no idea you were such a magic fan!"  "Thatís it," Agent Hansen says, "This show is over."  "No!  No, no, no!" Larry jumps up, "No, no, no . . . no, no!  The show will go on!  We have another magician!"  "We do, Cousin?" Balki asks.  "Yes!" Larry answers, "Yes!  The Great Balkini will go on!"  Larry motions to Balki, who looks behind himself and then realizes with a startled expression that Larry is referring to him.  The scene fades to black.

Act two begins with Balki, wearing a long, black cape and an oversized turban, marches out on stage.  "Good evening," Balki greets the children as he bows.  The turban nearly falls off his head, causing the kids to laugh.  "I am the great Balkini!"  Balki throws open the cape, showing that he is now wearing Timmyís magic suit.  Much to his surprise, a white dove flies out from the cape and the children laugh again.  "And I would like you now to welcome my lovely assistant, Cousini!" Balki introduces, somehow producing a bunch of flowers in the process.  Larry walks out wearing a smaller gold turban on his head.  Larry strikes a pose and the children look confused.  "For my first trick, I require a ten dollar bill," Balki announces, "Cousini, have you a ten dollar bill?"  Larry reluctantly reaches into his pocket and finds a ten dollar bill.  "For my first trick, I will take this ten dollar bill and rip it in many, many pieces," Balki announces.  Balki tries to take the bill from Larry but Larry wonít let go.  Balki tries again and again, then picks up a magic wand and hits Larryís hand.  The next time Balki tries to take the money he does so easily, much to Larryís shock.

"I will rip this ten dollar bill into many, many pieces," Balki repeats, and he proceeds to rip the money into pieces.  Balki drops the pieces into a top hat which he picks up, along with the magic wand.  "And now, I will magically reassemble the ten dollar bill.  Abracapocus . . . Elia Kazan!"  Balki taps the hat with the wand and sets the wand down.  "Voila!" Balki says, and he turns the hat over.  The ten dollar bill falls out, still in pieces.  The children in the audience laugh.  "This is what the Amazing Timmy taught you?" Larry asks.  "You know, I . . . I think I know what went wrong," Balki says, "I think itís supposed to be a twenty.  Have you . . . have you got a twenty, Cousin?"  "No," Larry answers.  "Cousin, I saw . . . I know you have a twenty . . . " Balki argues.  "No!  No!  No!" Larry repeats.  "Let me have a twenty."  "Do another trick," Larry suggests firmly.  "For my next trick, I will make this table disappear!" Balki announces, and he pushes the little table on wheels so that it rolls off the stage.  Balki laughs at his own joke and asks, "Where do I come up with them?"  Balki taps Larry on the chest with the wand to emphasize the point.

"For my next trick, I will make a rabbit appear!" Balki announces, motioning to one side of the stage.  The table rolls back out on the stage with a basket on it. It is rolling so fast it slams into Balkiís hip.  Balki shoots a dirty look offstage and mutters something angrily under his breath.  "Please note there is nothing in the bucket," Balki says, and he picks up the bucket and holds it open so the children can see nothing is inside.  He also shows it to Larry.  Balki sets the bucket back onto the table and waves the wand over it, saying the words, "Abracapocus . . . Elia Kazan!  And voila!  A rabbit . . . !"  Balki pulls out a rubber chicken.  " . . . chicken!"  The kids laugh again.  "A rabbit . . . chick . . . " Balki thinks aloud, then says, "A rabid chicken!  Cousin, please . . . take it away before it bites someone!"  Balki motions for Larry to take the rubber chicken offstage.  "The rabbit . . . get to the rabbit," Larry urges.  "Very well," Balki says as Larry carries the chicken offstage.  Larry carries the rubber chicken backstage where Agent Hansen has been watching the show from the wings.  Larry walks to the Secret Service agent and asks, "Is she here yet?"  "No," Agent Hansen answers impatiently, "Is the act over?"

"No!" Larry insists.  "Well, it looks that way to me," Agent Hansen points out as Balki walks offstage to applause.  "B . . . b . . . Balki! Balki, where are you going?" Larry asks.  "Iím done, Cousin," Balki explains, "Itís over.  The show is over.  And if I must say so myself, Balkini was a hit!"  Balki throws the cape over his shoulder with flair.  "Balki, you gotta get back out there and do more," Larry urges, pushing Balki toward the stage.  "Cousin, I . . . I donít have any more," Balki says.  Balki starts to walk away.  "Wait, Balki!" Larry cries, "Balki, if you donít go back out there, Margaret Thatcher wonít show up!"  Balki sneers with disinterest and walks away, then realizes what Larry has said and returns, storming up to Larry.  "Margaret Thatcher?" Balki asks.  "Margaret Thatcher?" Larry asks, "No . . . I said Ďbody snatcherí . . . Ďbody snatcherí . . . Ďbody snatcher,í yeah.  Later on theyíre showing ĎInvasion of the Body Snatchers,í which is why it is so important that you go back out there, because, uh . . . because, uh . . . because, uh . . . . because of the children.  The children.  Look at the children.  Just look at the children.  Just look at the children. "

"Cousin," Balki urges, pointing the wand at Larryís neck.  "Just look at . . . all right, I lied!" Larry cries, "I lied!  I lied!  I . . . Iíll tell you the real truth . . . I have a very rare disease . . . "  "Cousin!" Balki yells.  "All right!" Larry cries as he drops to his knees at Balkiís feet, "All right, I lied again!  I lied again!  Please!  All right, Iíll tell you the real real truth.  W . . . when Mrs. OíNeil came by to drop off the programs she let it slip that Mrs. Thatcher was dropping by this evening, and . . . and she asked me not to tell anyone.  So naturally I phoned Wainwright and . . . and told him that Iíd have an exclusive interview on his desk tomorrow morning.  And . . . and now sheís not coming by, the showís over, I wonít get my interview and Mr. Wainwrightís gonna fire me."  "So youíre only here for your own selfish reasons," Balki notes.  "That sounds so harsh," Larry sighs.  "And you lied to me!" Balki scolds, grabbing Larry by the ear and pulling him back to his feet.  "Yes, I lied to you," Larry admits, then tries to distract Balki with, "It was for the children . . . it was . . . "  "Cousin!" Balki interrupts.  "All right, all right," Larry cries, "Iím just a selfish liar.  Thereís absolutely no reason why you should help me."

"Well, thatís for sure," Balki agrees.  "Whatís the story?" Agent Hansen asks.  "The show will go on," Balki states.  "Oh, it will?" Larry asks, hugging Balki, "Oh, thank you, Balki!  Thank you!  Thank you!"  "But Iím gonna need your help," Balki adds.  "You got it!" Larry promises.  Balki points to the stage with the wand and they walk out together.  Agent Hansen reports into his microphone, "The showís going on."  Back on the stage, Balki throws open his cape and Larry gets tangled in it, causing the kids to laugh.  Once Larry is free, he asks the audience, "Are you ready for more magic?"  "Yeah!" the kids shout.  Balki motions for the kids to be silent and then announces, "For my first encore trick I will do the famous milk-disappearing-into-the-newspaper-funnel trick!  Cousini, may I please have the newspaper funnel and the milk?"  Larry turns and gets both items from a table behind them.  Balki takes the milk and says, "Thank you.  Now Cousini will place the newspaper funnel into his pants."  "Oh no, he wonít," Larry counters calmly.

"Oh yes, he will . . . if he really wants this interview, believe me, he will," Balki says with great satisfaction.  Larry reluctantly places the funnel down his pants.  The kids in the audience laugh and Balki motions them to be silent again.  "I will now pour the milk into the newspaper funnel," Balki announces.  "You sure you know what youíre doing?" Larry asks.  "Oh, Iíve . . . Iíve never been more sure," Balki assures him.  Balki happily pours the milk into the funnel.  It runs out the other end and down Larryís pants as well as over the top.  The kids laugh and applaud as Larry strikes his pose again, shaking the milk out of his pantsí leg.  Larry angrily hands the funnel back to Balki, who simply says, "Hey, they canít all work."  Balki sets the funnel on the table where heís also set the pitcher and says, "Cousini, please."  Larry walks the table offstage.  "I will now attempt to cut someone in half," Balki explains, stepping back and pulling forward a large horizontal box on a table of the kind typically used in the traditional "saw-someone-in-half" trick.  Larry returns to the stage.  "Do I have any volunteers?" Balki asks.  All the kids in the audience raise their hands but Balki ignores them.

"Anyone?  Just . . . just . . . just raise your hands . . . raise your hands," Balki says.  He then turns and acts surprised to see Larry.  "Oh!  Hereís someone!" Balki exclaims.  Larryís eyes open wide.  "Absolutely not!" he insists.  "Well, then I guess you donít want that interview," Balki states, then he turns to the audience and says, "Thank you and goodnight!"  Balki throws the cape around himself again and walks off the stage.  "W . . . w . . . wait a minute!" Larry motions to the audience to stop applauding, "Wo . . . wouldnít you, uh, rather see a . . . a . . . a nifty disappearing nickel trick?"  Larry fishes in his pocket for a nickel.  "Nooooo!" the kids respond and some of them even boo.  "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey," Larry scolds, "Uh, all right . . . uh . . . the . . . the Great Balkini!"  Larry motions to the wings and Balki walks back onstage, throwing open his cape and almost hitting Larry again.  "Get in the box," Balki orders.  "W . . . w . . . wait," Larry stops him, "Wouldnít it be more fun if one of the kids got into the box?"  He coos at the children saying, "Yes, you would!  Yes, you would!  Wouldnít that be fun?"  "Nooooo!" the kids unanimously agree.  Larry turns on the kids, snarling, "Well, you ungrateful little . . . "  "Get in the box, Bozo!" Balki orders.

Larry climbs up onto the table and then climbs into the box, sitting up with his feet sticking out of the end.  Balki turns the table to show the audience that it is in fact Larryís legs sticking out, then he closes the lid on that half of the box.  Balki then shows the audience a piece of wood with two spaces cut out that slips into the end of the box, holding the feet in place.  Balki slides that piece into place, then turns the other end of the table toward the audience as Larry lies down, his head sticking out of the other end.  Balki closes that half of the box and shows the audience another insert which closes that end of the box and fits over Larryís neck.  Balki sets this piece in place and then turns the box sideways to the audience again.  "Balki, y . . . y . . . you sure you know what youíre doing?" Larry asks nervously.  "Relax, Cousin," Balki says, "Iíve seen the Amazing Timmy do it a hundred times.  Never could figure out how it was done."  Larry looks at the audience with sheer terror.  "Now, I will attempt to cut Cousini in half!" Balki announces.

Balki walks over and picks up a shiny metal sheet attached to a piece of wood.  He hits the metal to show it is solid and runs his finger along the edge to indicate how sharp it is.  Balki pushes this piece down into the middle of the box.  "Whoa!  Oh!" Larry cries out, then moans, "Ooh."  Balki gets the second metal sheet and also hits it and runs his fingers along the edge.  He works to fit it in beside the first piece, but it wonít budge.  Balki hits the piece with frustration, trying to knock it down into the box, causing Larry to cry, "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!"  Balki walks to the front of the table and grabs Larryís head, giving it a pull as Larry cries out.  The metal sheet slides neatly into place.  Larry reacts as if he is sick and in pain.  Balki walks back to the middle of the box and asks, "Now . . . shall we see if the Great Balkini has succeeded?"  Balki unlocks the two halves of the table on his side, then leans over the box to unlock the other side.  He then pushes the two halves apart and walks through them, much to the delight of the audience.

Balki strikes a pose, then moves the tables forward and starts tickling Larryís feet.  Larry giggles and then bursts out laughing before finally yelling, "Stop it!"  Mrs. OíNeil suddenly appears on stage and says, "Excuse me, Balkini.  I have a very special surprise.  Mrs. Thatcher will be here momentarily and she would love to say a few words to all of you."  The audience applauds as Mrs. OíNeil walks off the stage.  "Balki!  Balki!" Larry calls, "Put me back together!  Get me outta here!"  "Okay," Balki says, and he wheels the tables together again.  "Now, I will attempt to put Cousini back together again!" Balki announces.  Balki starts trying to open one end of the box but canít.  "Cousin . . . I . . . I . . .canít . . . . I . . . I canít get it unlocked."  "Well, try harder!" Larry insists.  Before Balki can try again, Agent Hansen walks on the stage and directs some men, "Letís, uh . . . letís get this junk out of here, all right?"  Two Secret Service men each take one half of the box and pull them to the opposite wings as Balki watches helplessly and Larry cries, "Oh no!  Oh no!  Oh no!"

After the show, Balki is sitting backstage with Larry who is still in two halves.  The half with his feet is in front of the box with his head.  "Iím really sorry that I couldnít let you out of the box," Balki apologizes.  "Oh, thatís okay, Balki," Larry sighs, "It wasnít your fault.  I got what I deserved.  I should have been honest with you from the start."  "Well, I . . . I canít argue with that," Balki says.  "I just wanted that interview so much," Larry sighs, "And now I have to tell Mr. Wainwright that I didnít get an interview with Margaret Thatcher because I was cut in half and stuck in a box."  "Cousin, you know, I think Mrs. Thatcher would find that really amusing," Balki says, "Sheís . . . sheís really quite a charming lady."  "You talked to her?" Larry asks.  "Oh yes," Balki confirms, showing Larry a notepad full of notes, "Quite a bit, actually."  "You . . . you interviewed her?" Larry asks.  "Oh yeah, sure," Balki says.  "Oh, I canít believe this!" Larry moans.  "Well, you know, I am going to need a good writer to turn my interview into an article," Balki muses, "Do I, um . . . have any volunteers?  Just, uh . . . raise your hands."  Larry is anxious to raise his hand but canít because heís inside the box.  "Just, uh . . . anybody?" Balki adds.  Larry starts to whimper. Balki finally looks at Larry and says, "Oh!  Hereís one!"  Larry looks relieved, sighing, "Thank you . . . thank you."  Balki starts to show Larry the notes, holding the pad close to his face so he can see.  "I . . . I hope you can make something out of this, Cousin," Balki sighs, "Itís pretty dry stuff."  "Iíll try my best," Larry promises, and they continue to look through the notes as the episode ends.

Continue on to the next episode . . .