Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 111 - Little Apartment of Horrors

First Air Date: January 18, 1991
Nielsen Rating: 12.4 HH

Co-Producer: Alan Plotkin
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Terry Hart
Directed by: Judy Pioli

Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne Spencer
Belita Moreno: Miss Lydia Markham
Sam Anderson: Mr. Sam Gorpley

Guest Cast:
Robert G. Lee: The Delivery Man

littleapartgrab02.jpg (53765 bytes)Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri's photo can be seen sitting on the bookcase.

"Well, you ungrateful little post nasal drip."
" . . . then youíve got another drink coming."
"Well, Cousin, there are none so blind as those who will not ski."
"Cousin, Iím not gonna give Marge any more food and thatís vinyl."
"Cousin, you donít know anything about farming."

Donít be ridiculous: Said once in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
Balki makes a statement which goes, "Well, something something and call me something," in this case "Well, rub my chest and call me Vicks."
"Oh my Lord!"
"Oh God!"
"Bye bye, babe."

Other running jokes used in this episode:
The delivery man who canít pronounce anyoneís name
Balki and Larry have a quick dialogue exchange in which they talk over each other
Larry has a plan
Larry pulls an "Appleton Snow Job" on Balki when convincing him not to cut back the plant
We hear Balkiís Mama calling "Balki!" over the receiver of the phone

Interesting facts:
The title of the episode was derived from the movie (and later made into a musical comedy) Little Shop of Horrors, which entailed the adventures of a meek man who works in the flower shop and the man-eating plant he cares for.
- Balki is eating Raisin Puffs for breakfast in the first scene, which we remember were introduced in the season three episode Taking Stock.
- Balki is also seen using the Porky Pig cup in which he made weak tea for Grandpa Appleton in the previous episode.
- Weíre once again treated to an appearance by Robert G. Lee as the delivery man who canít get Balkiís name right.  The joke culminates in this episode when he manages to mangle Larryís name as well, showing that maybe it wasnít Balkiís name that was the problem all along!
- When Larry mispronounces the plantís name as Popopoloupolo-Bippity-Boppity-Boo, the Bippity-Boppity-Boo comes from the classic Disney animated film Cinderella.
- When Balki says, "Well, rub my chest and call me Vicks," heís referring to Vicks VapoRub, a vapor rub used to help clear congestion in the chest and sinuses.
- Balki says he played the part of Adam Cartwright in his school play in the third grade.  Thereís something very funny about the idea of a school in Mypos putting on a third grade production of Bonanza!  The original Adam Cartwright was played by Pernell Roberts.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
This episode completely disregards the season two episode, Ladies and Germs, in which Larry has a cold and Balki introduces him to a miraculous Myposian cure.  Although the plots and cure are completely different, itís hard to believe the producers would do the exact same plot twice in totally different ways.  But they did!  And fortunately it turned out to be a very funny episode in its own right.  The episodes both begin and end in the same way . . . starting with Larry coming littleapartgrab04.jpg (46635 bytes) out in the morning with a bad cold and ending with Balki sneezing.
- After Balki mixes Margeís food in the blender and then sets her on the counter, Larry tries to convince Balki to make Marge grow bigger.  If you look behind Larry during this conversation, youíll see there is another blender sitting on a shelf in the kitchen.  Do they really own two blenders?  It actually might not be implausible, since Balki does do a lot of cooking.  Pig snout puree . . . hmmmm . . . .

The episode begins in the apartment one morning.  Balki is sitting at the dining table with a bowl of breakfast cereal in front of him.  He has a newspaper in his hand and is cutting out a piece of it, as if he's removing a coupon.  Once done, he sets the piece aside, then holds up the paper and uses the hole to eat his cereal through while he reads the rest of the paper.  Larry walks out of the bedroom dressed for work and walks to the dining table, looking miserable.  "I feel awful," he moans in a stuffed-up voice, "I havenít been able to breathe through my nose in a week."  He starts to sneeze and Balki quickly grabs him a tissue from a Kleenex box on the table.  Larry sneezes into the tissue and sighs, "Thank you."  "Youíre welcome," Balki offers.  Larry sits down at his place at the table where Balki has orange juice waiting for him.

"Balki, I donít get it," Larry says, "Everyone in Chicago has a cold except you.  Why is that?"  "Well, Cousin, because I drink lots of liquids and I get plenty of rest and I eat a regular diet of vital animal organs," Balki explains, "Now I told you last July, I says, ĎCousin, in six months cold season will be here . . . youíve got to start bulking up on pig spleen.í"  "I was a fool not to listen to you," Larry moans, picking up a bottle of pills, "I guess Iíll just have to make do with this cold medicine."  "No, Cousin, you donít need that cold medicine," Balki says, "I told Mama about your cold and sheís sending something that will cure you.  It should be here by ten-thirty.  She sent it by overnight blue-footed booby bird."  Larry starts to sneeze again and Balki grabs a tissue, but it rips and he only ends up handing Larry a little, tiny piece which Larry sneezes into.  Larry gives Balki a look of disgust and Balki pulls a full tissue out of the box and hands it to him.  "Thank you," Larry sighs.  "Youíre . . . youíre welcome," Balki replies.

There is a knock at the door and Larry gets up to answer it.  Balki follows, passing behind Larry as Larry looks back to say, "Balki, there is no cure for the common cold."  Larry stops, confused when he doesnít see Balki behind him.  "Balki?" Larry calls, as Balki turns from the door and walks back to him.  Larry turns to see Balki and is badly startled.  Larry starts for the door again, stating, "Theyíve been trying to find a cure for the common cold for years.  They discovered cave drawings with pictures of prehistoric men holding Kleenex."  Balki opens the door to reveal the delivery man holding a large box.  The man consults his clipboard and asks, "Yeah, I have a package for Lar-why Ape-lee-toon."  "Iím Lar-why Ape-lee-toon," Larry answers, walking to the man to take the package.  As Larry signs the delivery manís slip, Balki takes the package and carries it to the coffee table to open it.  "Oh, Cousin!  Cousin!  This is the cure I was telling you about!" Balki says excitedly.  Balki opens the box as Larry closes the front door and walks over to him.

Balki pulls a small potted plant from the box.  He and Larry sit on the couch as Balki tells the plant, "Welcome to our home.  My name is Balki and . . . and this is my Cousin Larry.  And . . . Cousin Larry has a cold."  Balki takes one of the plantís vines and makes it stroke the side of Larryís face in comfort.  "Now, Cousin, this cure is incredible . . . " Balki begins.  Larry interrupts, "Balki . . . Balki . . . "  "This is . . . no but let me just say this . . . no, Cousin, Cousin . . . " Balki tries to continues.  "Balki, I donít want to hear about your plant or the bird it flew in on," Larry sneers.  "Well, you ungrateful little post nasal drip," Balki scolds, "My Mama climbed clear up the north face of Mount Mypos to get this plant for you.  And if you think thatís easy for an eighty-two year old woman who just underwent a total knee replacement, youíve got another drink coming.  Lucky for you this is the one time this century this plant blooms.  Now, Cousin, this is the famous Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo plant."

Balki takes a pod from the plant.  "And your cold will go away the minute you eat this Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo pod."  "Balki, this Popopoloupolo-Bippity-Boppity-Boo pod will not cure my . . . " Larry begins, but Balki interrupts.  "Excuse me . . . excuse me . . . pardon me . . . "  " . . . will not cure my . . . "  "Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo pod," Balki repeats. "Popopoloupolo-Bippity-Boppity-Boo pod," Larry says again.  "Excuse me," Balki says, "No . . . no."  Larry continues to try to pronounce the name and Balki keeps trying to correct him, as they both talk over each other.  "You know what your problem is," Balki points out, "I just realized what your problem is.  Youíre Bippity-Boppity-Booing instead of Poppiti-Pooping.  You hear that?"  Balki pronounces it for him again and Larry continues to say it wrong.  They go back and forth, talking over one another, for a while until Balki finally gets fed up and cries out, "Eat the pod!  Eat the pod!  Eat the pod!"

"Okay, give me the stupid po . . . " Larry starts, and Balki shoves the pod into his mouth in mid-word.  Larry chews the pod a moment, then begins to sneeze.  He stops in mid-sneeze and exclaims, "Oh!  I can breathe through my nose again!  And my sore throat is . . . is gone!  And my eyes donít itch!"  "And your breath is minty fresh," Balki adds.  Larry tastes his own breath and confirms, "Youíre right!  Well, my cold is gone!  I feel great!"  Larry and Balki both stand up.  "Well, of course you do!  Donít be ridiculous!" Balki exclaims, "You ate the Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo pod."  "Balki, the Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo pod has nothing to do with how I feel," Larry argues, "I took some cold medicine earlier.  The time-release capsules have obviously kicked in."  "Well, Cousin, there are none so blind as those who will not ski," Balki shakes his head, "The Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo pod cured you."  "No, it didnít," Larry contradicts.  "Yes, it did," Balki counters.  "No, it didnít," Larry insists.

The argument continues over an establishing shot of the Chicago Chronicle.  "Yes, it did," Balki says.  "It didnít," Larry replies.  Larry closes a file drawer and walks toward his desk behind Balki, who is working at his table.  The plant is sitting on the work table as well.  "Yes, it did," Balki throws out.  Larry is about to argue when Balki repeats, "Yes, it did."  "No, it didnít."  "Yes, it did."  "No, it didnít."  "Yes, it did!"  They argue more quickly and heatedly, coming face to face in their exchange as Mr. Gorpley walks out of his office toward them.  Mr. Gorpley is carrying an envelope as well as a tissue.  He stops to observe the fight and Balki and Larry stop when they realize he is standing there.  "Thereís nothing more stimulating than watching stupid people argue," Mr. Gorpley observes.  He lets out a sneeze then asks, "What were you arguing about this time?  If sheep should be given the vote?"

"No, Mr. Gorpley, I gave Cousin Larry a Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo pod from the Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo plant and it cured his cold," Balki begins.  "No, it didnít," Larry counters.  "Yes, it did."  "No, it didnít."  "Yes, it did," Balki insists, "And . . . and he wonít admit it.  And by the way we did give sheep the vote although they all voted the same way."  The elevator door opens and Lydia steps out, sneezing into a tissue as she walks to them.  Mr. Gorpley sneezes again as well.  "I hate the cold season," Lydia complains.  Balki takes a pod from the plant and hands it to her.  "Miss Lydia, why you donít try one of these Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo pods?  Itíll cure your cold."  "Oh, I donít think so, Balki," Lydia says, "The last time I ate something from a wild plant I was awake for three days and everything I looked at had a face on it."

"Lydia, do me a favor," Larry asks, "Eat the pod and prove to Balki that it doesnít cure the common cold."  "Iím desperate . . . Iíll try anything," Lydia sighs.  She takes the pod from Balki and nibbles on the end of it.  She starts to sneeze then stops suddenly, looking surprised.  "My cold is gone!  Well, this is incredible!" she exclaims, then says to Balki, "If you find a cure for water retention, call me!"  Lydia exits through the parking garage, eating the pod.  Mr. Gorpley sneezes then tells Balki, "Give me one of those."  Balki breaks off one of the pods for Mr. Gorpley, who chews it.  He starts to sneeze, then stops and says, "Oh!  It works!  I feel great!  I have never felt better in my life!  I think Iíll go fire someone."  Mr. Gorpley returns to his office.  Larry look shocked and says, "Balki, do you realize that this plant is the cure for the common cold?"  "Well, rub my chest and call me Vicks," Balki says.

Later that night, Balki and Larry are in the dining room at the table.  Both are wearing aprons and Balki has a blender as well as a variety of ingredients around him.  The plant is sitting on the table as well.  Balki blends the mixture in the blender a bit.  "This will make the plant grow bigger?" Larry asks.  "Uh, yes it will," Balki replies, "Now, I need a Tootsie Pop."  Balki holds his hand out for the sucker as he starts the blender again.  Larry picks up a Tootsie Pop and unwraps it, then drops it into the blender.  Balki stops blending and gives Larry a look of exasperation, explaining, "That was for me, Cousin."  Balki fishes the Tootsie Pop out of the blender and sets it aside.  He then takes an eyedropper and fills it with the mixture, then carefully adds three drops to the plant, counting, "Inki . . . binki . . . dwap."  Balki then dabs at the plant with a towel.  "Thatís . . . thatís it?" Larry asks, "Just . . . just three drops?  Itíll grow bigger with just three drops?"  "Yes, it will," Balki confirms, "Now Cousin, donít be rude.  This plant has a name and her name is Marge."

Balki takes the plant to the counter and adds, "With proper nurturing, which includes talking to Marge and sometimes just listening to what she has to say, in another six months this little Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo plant could grow another one or two inches.  Couldnít you Marge?  Couldnít you?"  "One or two inches?" Larry asks, "Balki, we have here the cure for the common cold.  We should make it grow a lot bigger."  "No, no, no, Cousin," Balki argues, "Marge has to grow at her natural rate.  Bad things happen when you alter the delicate balance of nature."  "Nothing bad will happen," Larry insists, "We alter the delicate balance of nature all the time.  Do you think Cheez-Whiz is a natural phenomenon?"  "Cousin, Iím not gonna give Marge any more food and thatís vinyl," Balki insists.  "Okay, okay," Larry agrees, "All right, you were right about Marge curing the common cold . . . Iím sure youíre right about this."  "Thank you very much," Balki says.

Larry checks his watch and says, "Oh gosh, look at the time.  Itís late.  We have to get up early.  Good night."  Larry grabs Balki by the shoulders and starts to push him toward his bedroom.  "Cousin, what are you talking about?  Itís only eight oíclock!" Balki points out.  "Yeah well, Balki, time is relative and as your relative Iím telling you itís time to go to bed," Larry fast talks.  "Cousin, Iím not tired," Balki insists.  "Youíre not tired?" Larry asks.  "No, Iím not tired.  No, Iím . . . "  Larry lets out a big yawn, causing Balki to also yawn.  "Iím not at all tired," Balki yawns, "Iíve got plenty to do tonight.  Iíve got laundry, Iíve got homework, Iíve got Legos all over the bedroom floor."  Larry yawns again, causing Balki to yawn.  "Good night," Balki sighs, heading to his bedroom.  "Good night," Larry says.  Balki stops in the doorway to his room and turns back to Larry, noting, "You know, the funny thing is I shouldnít be tired."  Larry yawns again.  "But I am," Balki yawns, "Goodnight."

Larry walks through the doorway of his own bedroom and calls, "Good night, Balki."  "Nighty-night," Balki replies tiredly.  After Balki closes his bedroom door, Larry immediately runs back into the kitchen.  He grabs the pitcher from the blender and proceeds to pour the entire contents into the plantís pot.  The next morning, Larry exits his bedroom wearing his pajamas and a robe.  He walks into the living room and reacts when he sees that the plant has grown huge.  It now climbs up the pillar of the counter and throughout the kitchen, all the way across the bookcases in the living room.  "Oh my Lord!" Larry gasps, "Iíve got the cure for the common cold!  I can cure millions and millions of dollars . . . people!"  As Larry reacts to his goldmine, the scene fades to black.

Act two begins with Balki walking sleepily out of his bedroom later that morning.  He is wearing white long-johns and a tall nightcap.  As he walks into the living room he sees the enormous plant and reacts with shock.  "Cousin, Cousin!  Come out here!" Balki calls.  Larry runs out of his bedroom, fully dressed.  "What?" he asks when he reaches Balki.  "Look!" Balki cries.  Larry acts like heís seeing the plant for the first time and gasps, "Balki . . . what did you do to the plant?"  "I didnít do anything to it!" Balki cries.  "Well, you must have done something!" Larry says, "Look at it!"  "I didnít do anything to it," Balki insists, "All I . . . I just give it three little . . . "  Entering the kitchen, Balki sees the empty blender pitcher in the sink and grabs it.  He takes off his nightcap and throws it on the ground, then storms over to Larry, stating, "You did this!"  "Balki, the bigger the plant the more people we can cure of the common cold!" Larry explains, "Is it wrong to want people to feel good?"

"No, I want people to feel good, too, but Cousin, this is bad," Balki says, "Nobody on Mypos ever made a Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo plant any bigger and they must have had a good reason."  "Wouldnít be the first time people on Mypos did something without a good reason," Larry comments.  "Oh really?" Balki asks.  "They didnít have a good reason for putting a picture of a cow on their money," Larry points out.  "I have to put a stop to this," Balki announces, and he walks into the kitchen and reaches into a drawer.  "A stop to this," Larry scoffs under his breath, "You . . . youíre gonna put a stop to this . . . you canít put a stop to this."  Balki pulls out a pair of scissors and goes for the plant.  "Balki, what are you doing?" Larry cries.  "Iím gonna cut the Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo plant back to its original size," Balki explains.  "Okay, all right, go ahead, go ahead," Larry says, thinking fast, "Iíll . . . Iíll just figure out some way to explain it to the children."  "The children?" Balki asks.  "The little children," Larry continues, "Little Billy, whoíll . . . whoíll catch a cold because you cut back the plant.  Little Billy, whoíll have to stay home from school and . . . and miss picture day and have nothing to remind him of the third grade.  Remember the third grade?"

Balki is sentimental and sighs, "Oh, I loved the third grade.  I played the part of Adam Cartwright in our school play.  Cousin, little Billy wouldnít miss that, would he?"  "Oh, yes he would," Larry confirms, "And . . . and soon little Billy and little Kimberly and all the little children will . . . will get colds.  Theyíll . . . theyíll have sore throats and fevers and runny noses."  Balki starts to cry.  "Oh Cousin, I donít want them to have runny noses."  "Well, I know you donít," Larry sighs, "I know you donít . . . but they will.  And pretty soon they . . . they . . . they wonít even call it a cold any more.  In . . . instead of saying, ĎMommy, I feel awful . . . I have a terrible cold,í theyíll say, ĎMommy, I feel awful . . . I have a terrible . . . Balki.í"  Balki clutches his chest, wounded to the heart.  He cries, "Oh Cousin . . . I donít want that to happen."  "I know you donít," Larry sympathizes, "I know you donít.  So just . . . just . . . give me the scissors.  Come on, just give me the scissors.  Come on, let it go.  Put Ďem down on the counter.  Slide Ďem over here.  Come on.  Come on, you can . . . "  Balki drops the scissors on the counter and pushes them to Larry, then falls over the counter crying.  "Good, good!" Larry says, rubbing Balkiís back, "Itís all right. Itís all right.  Itís all over."  "Oh God!" Balki sobs,  "How could I have been so selfish?"  "I . . . I . . . I donít know, Balki . . . itís . . . itís not like you," Larry sighs, "Come on, come on, come on."

Balki reaches for the scissors for a moment but Larry holds on to them and says, "No, no, no . . . come on, come on, come on."  Balki comes around the counter and Larry leads him to his room.  "I think you should just . . . just go to your room and . . . and . . . and do some . . . some serious soul searching."  "Oh Cousin," Balki blubbers, "Thank you for saving me from myself."  "Youíre welcome," Larry says nicely.  Balki wipes his eyes on Larryís tie as Larry takes him to his room.  "Come on, come on," Larry encourages.  "No, I . . . I just . . . " Balki sobs.  "Come on, itís all right," Larry assures him, "Itís all over.  Itís all over.  Youíre gonna be fine.  Youíre gonna be fine."  As soon as Larry has closed over Balkiís bedroom door he holds his head in pained exasperation.  There is a knock at the door and Larry answers it.  Jennifer and Mary Anne are standing there, wearing their stewardess uniforms and holding tissues.  "Oh hi, come on in!" Larry invites them.  The girls both sneeze and walk into the apartment.  "I . . . I thought you two had a flight to London this morning," Larry notes.  "Oh, we do but . . . " Jennifer begins, but the girls both sneeze again.  Mary Anne looks toward the plant and notes, "Somethingís different in here.  Donít tell me . . . you re-upholstered the couch."

"Larry, what is all this?" Jennifer asks about the plant.  "Itís an amazing plant from Mypos," Larry explains.  "Well, you can tell us about it when we get back from London," Jennifer says, "We just need to borrow some cold pills.  Weíre all out."  "Iíve got something thatíll be even better," Larry says, and he run to the plant to pull off two pods, which he gives to the girls, "It . . . it cured my cold . . . and Gorpleyís . . . and Lydiaís.  Here . . . here . . . trust me."  The girls eye Larry and each other before finally taking a bite from the pods.  The both start to sneeze then stop suddenly.  "Larry, this is fantastic!" Mary Anne exclaims, "It works great!"  "You could market this as a cold remedy!" Jennifer realizes.  "Well, I hadnít thought of that," Larry says innocently.  "Well, we'd better be going.  Weíre gonna miss our flight," Mary Anne points out.  "I feel much better, Larry, thank you," Jennifer smiles, and she gives him a kiss.  "Their apartment looks great," Mary Anne says, "We should get our couch re-upholstered."  "Mary Anne, the couch is the same as itís always been," Jennifer explains, heading for the door.  "Well, thatís stupid," Mary Anne sighs as she walks to the door behind Jennifer, "Why did they re-upholster it in the same material?"

A caption over an establishing shot of the apartment reads "Two Weeks Later."  Balki is on the phone and Larry is gathering pods from the plant, which is bigger than ever, and putting them into a ziplock bag.  Balki hangs up the receiver and sighs, "Still busy.  Itís impossible to get through to Mama since she started watching the Home Shopping Network.  How many pair of fuzzy slippers does her pig need?  But donít worry, Cousin.  Itís important we find out what the side effect of making the plant big is so Iíll keep trying."  "Fine . . . you try to get a hold of Mama," Larry says, "Iíve got an appointment with the vice president of Danforth Pharmaceuticals."  Balki hangs up the phone again and notes, "Cousin, you donít know anything about farming."  "Itís a drug company," Larry explains.  Balki jumps up from the couch and cries, "Oh Cousin, donít get involved with drugs!"  "No, Balki, Iím not buying drugs," Larry explains, "Iím selling them."  Balki grabs Larry by the arms and shakes him, gasping, "Oh Cousin, itís worse than I thought!"

"Balki, Balki, Balki," Larry interjects, "Try to follow what Iím saying.  Danforth Pharmaceuticals is a company that makes medicine and they are very excited about the plant.  Iíve got an appointment with them in half an hour and when they see what these can do they are going to give us money.  They are going to give us six percent of gross profits or fifty million dollars annually, whichever is greater.  And best of all, I am going to be so rich Iíll be able to hire a man full time just to explain things to you."  Larry grabs his briefcase and heads for the door, but Balki runs to cut him off, throwing himself across the front door.  "Cousin . . . Cousin . . . please donít do this."  "Balki, the FDA will test it before they sell it.  Everything will be fine," Larry assures him.  "Cousin, Iím sorry . . . Iím very sorry, but this is my plant and Iím not going to let you sell it!"  Balki snatches the plastic bag with the pods away from Larry and walks to the counter to guard the plant.

"It is your plant?" Larry asks, as if he hasnít heard correctly.  "Thatís right, it is my plant," Balki confirms, "It came from my home and it was sent here by my Mama."  "Thatís true!  Thatís true!" Larry agrees, "But who did your Mama send the plant to?  Who was the package addressed to?  Whoís name was on the package?  Hmmm?"  "Larry Appleton," Balki realizes.  "Thatís right.  Thatís right," Larry confirms, "The plant belongs to Larry Appleton.  And you opened a package that was addressed to me which is a direct violation of United States Postal Service regulations!"  "Oh shut up," Balki moans in disgust.  "Fine," Larry says, reaching around Balki to take back the plastic bag, "I am off to Danforth Pharmaceuticals to get our fortune."  The front door opens and Jennifer and Mary Anne storm in, looking furious.  They both have huge, hairy brown moustaches.  Larry and Balki eye them with shock.  "Larry, if you donít have a cure for this youíre a dead man!" Jennifer snarls.

Several days later, Jennifer, Larry, Mary Anne and Balki are sitting on the couch.  Jennifer and Mary Anne no longer have moustaches.  Balki has the phone receiver in his hand and we hear Mama calling, "Balki?"  Balki lifts the receiver to his ear as Mama speaks in Myposian to him.  Balki turns to the others and explains, "Oh, Mama says that a few days after eating the Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo pod from the oversized plant the facial hair disappears and the cold comes back again."  Jennifer, Larry and Mary Anne all sneeze into tissues.  "But I ate a pod from the small plant," Larry moans, "Why do I have a cold again?"  "Well, maybe youíre not getting enough Vitamin C," Mary Anne suggests, "Iíve heard a good source of Vitamin C . . . is Vitamin C pills."  Larry and Jennifer share a look.  "Balki!" Mama calls over the phone, and she speaks more Myposian to Balki.  "Oh," Balki says, "Mama says that back in 1307 they had a really cold winter and they grew the Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo pods really big."  "Balki!" Mama calls, and she speaks again to Balki in Myposian.

"Mama says that they chewed the Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo pods until Spring and to this day Mypiot women still have moustaches," Balki explains, then he eyes Mary Anne and adds, "To be frank, I thought the moustache made you look . . . rather sexy."  Balki and Mary Anne lean in to kiss each other, but Mamaís voice calling, "Balki!" interrupts them.  She scolds him about Mary Anne in Myposian.  "Okay, okay, okay," Balki sighs, "Uh . . . bye bye, babe."  Balki hangs up the phone.  "I was so close to being so rich," Larry sighs.  "Cousin, in another hundred years the plant will bloom again and youíll be rich . . . and probably dead," Balki offers.  "Larry, I love you even though you arenít rich," Jennifer notes, then adds, "Of course, if you were rich it would be better."  Larry gives her a sad look and Jennifer kisses him.  They both sneeze and Mary Anne holds out the Kleenex box for them.  "Cousin, youíve got to learn that money isnít everything," Balki says, "In fact, if you have your health youíve got everything."  Balki sneezes and they all look at him.  Mary Anne holds out the Kleenex box and Balki takes a tissue as the episode ends.

Script Variations:
There were some notable differences between the shooting script dated December 12, 1990 and the final episode:
The bit where Balki accidentally hands Larry only a piece of a tissue to sneeze into is not in the script.
The script doesn't indicate that the delivery man mispronounces Larry's name.  Instead when he hands Larry the package, he says, "Sorry about the beak marks.  The Booby bird didn't want to let it go."
To indicate the long "Poppitipoo" and "Bippity Boppity Boo" exchange, the script just indicates Balki as saying "Pip pip" and Larry as saying "Bib bib."
- When Lydia enters the basement she says, "I hate the cold season.  I'm wearing two hundred dollar an ounce perfume, and I can't smell it."
After Larry asks Lydia to try the pod to prove to Balki it doesn't cure the common old, he adds, "Although I admit it does make your breath minty fresh."
After Lydia eats the pod and almost sneezes, she says, "My cold is gone.  This is incredible.  I can breathe again and my head isn't throbbing."  "You probably took some cold medicine this morning," Larry speculates.  "No, I didn't take anything this morning," Lydia insists, then she makes the comment about water retention.
After Larry realizes the plant is the cure for common cold, Balki doesn't say "Well, rub my chest and call me Vicks."  Instead he gets scissors and is about to snip the plant.  "What are you doing?" Larry asks.  "I'm going to take some cuttings up to Classified," Balki explains, "Everybody there has a cold."  "Balki, cutting the plant might kill it," Larry points out, "After all, the plant must be weak from exhaustion after its long trip."  Larry then says to the plant, "Isn't that right, little plantie?  Isn't that right?"  "I must say, you've certainly changed your tune haven't you, 'Mr. There-Is-No-Cure-For-The-Common-Cold?'" Balki notes.  "Okay, I admit it," Larry says, "you were right about the plant.  It does cure a cold."  "Thank you," Balki says, "And someday you'll admit I was right when I said turkey jerky cures warts."  Larry takes the plant from Balki as the scene ends.
The scene where Balki is making the plant food mixture in the blender started earlier than was seen in the show.  "So this mixture is good for the plant?" Larry asks, hovering over the plant.  "Yes, Cousin," Balki confirms, "Hand me the sun-dried goat ears."  Larry gives Balki the ears.  Balki breaks them apart and puts them in the blender, explaining, "You have to break off the lobes.  They're acidic."  Larry then asks if it will make the plant grow bigger and Balki says, "Yes, it will.  I guarantee it."  This is when Balki asks for the Tootsie Pop.
When Larry comes out of the bedroom and sees the plant has grown all over the kitchen and into the living room, he says, "Oh my lord.  I'm going to own the world!"
- After Balki finds the empty blender he turns on Larry and says, "Cousin, you did this.  You gave the Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo plant all the Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo food, didn't you and now it's a lalapalooza of a Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo."  "Okay, I gave the Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo plant the rest of the food," Larry admits, "But a lalapalooza of a Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo plant is better than a puny Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo plant."  Then Larry notes that the bigger the plant, the more people they can cure.
- After Larry says that people on Mypos didn't have a good reason for putting a picture of a cow on their money, Balki argues, "They had a perfectly good reason.  The royal sheep was very unphotogenic.  He had a terrible overbite."
After Balki says he played Adam Cartwright in the school play, he adds, "I was all in black.  I was just a little chap in little chaps."  Balki asks if little Billy would miss that and Larry says, "Oh, yes he would.  And look at this pod.  This pod would have cured little Kimberley who'll be home sick with a cold and who will miss the field trip to the zoo."  "No," Balki gasps.  "Sad, depressed, sick little Kimberly missing the zoo trip because you cut the plant back," Larry sighs, "Remember the zoo?"  "I loved the field trip to the zoo," Balki remembers, "That month the zoo was at our house."
Before Balki says that he doesn't want the children to have runny noses he says, "Oh, Cousin, I love little Billy and Kimberly."
As Larry leads Balki to the bedroom and Balki thanks Larry for saving him from himself, Larry says, "You're welcome," and then Balki says, "But you have to promise me something."  "What is it?" Larry asks.  "You can't give Billy or Kimberly a Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo pod until I find out from Mama if there are any bad side effects."  "You have my word," Larry promises.  "I'm just lucky they you're compassionate enough for the both of us," Balki notes, and he goes into his room.
- After Jennifer tells Larry that he could market the pods as a cold remedy, Larry replies, "I hadn't thought of that.  Up until now my greatest reward has been making people feel better.  But thanks for the idea."
- After the girls leave, Balki comes back out of the bedroom and says, "Cousin, I just remembered what the side effect of making the plant big is -- instant death."  "What??" Larry cries.  "No, wait.  I'm wrong," Balki realizes, "That's the side effect from falling off a cliff."  Balki starts back to his room then stops.  "Ah, I got it.  Severe stomach cramps.  No, that's the side effect from swallowing a hair brush.  I'll keep working on it."  Balki returns to his room.
- After Larry tells Balki that Danforth Pharmaceuticals is going to give them six percent of gross profits or fifty million dollars annually, whichever is greater, he adds, "Thirty-three percent of all merchandising rights.  The product will be called 'Larry and Balki's Cold-Be-Gone.'  And I've asked them to get my parents on The Tonight Show."  Larry's line about hiring someone full time to explain things to Balki is not in this script.
- After Larry asks, "Who's name was on the package?" he adds, "I'll tell you who's name was on the package.  Larry Appleton's name was on the package.  Are you Larry Appleton?"  "Cousin, Cousin, let me . . . " Balki tries to interrupt.  "Are you?  Are you Larry Appleton?"  "No.  I'm Balki."  "But Balki's name wasn't on the package," Larry points out, "So who does the plant belong to?"  "Larry Appleton," Balki admits.
- When Jennifer and Mary Anne enter sporting moustaches, Jennifer just says, "Larry, you're a dead man!"  Balki notes, "Cousin, I think we just discovered the side effect."
- The rest of the script is the same.
- Included with this script was in insert for a scene from Grandpa which apparently had to be reshot.  The segment to be redone was from when Larry tells Grandpa he didn't mean he should lie down and wait to die until the end of the scene when Balki makes Larry stand on one foot and cluck like a chicken.  After Balki lists the things that Grandpa needs (i.e.: to drink from the cup of vitality) Larry says, "Yes, yes . . . that's good.  That's what he needs.  How do we do that?"  This time Balki does mention taking him to the restaurant, George's.  After Balki says, " . . . and you'll love the band," Larry asks, "A restaurant?  We're taking him to a restaurant?"

The scripts for the TGIF promos which aired December 21, 1990 were included at the end of this script and shot after the filming of this episode.  You can view the script pages for these promos below and you can also view these spots on our YouTube Channel.  Note that the last page of script was completely changed for the final segment!

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