Strangers Episode Guide
114 - Out of Sync
First Air Date: February
Filming Date: January 24, 1991
Nielsen Rating: 15.6 HH
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Barry OíBrian & Cheryl Alu
Directed by: Judy Pioli
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne Spencer
Ian Patrick Williams: Clive Enright
Gene Wolande: The Director
Appearances: Dimitriís photo can be seen on the bookcase.
"Cousin, you should have at least half."
"Iím just your average Joe Blowniki on the street."
"I know you like the back of my head."
"I know the perfect opening act: New Kids in the Flock."
"What if I get a hog in my throat?"
"Well, not really. My crock potís at home in the kitchen."
"Maybe someday Iíll win a Grandma."
"Past the teeth and over the gums, look out eyes here it comes!"
"Cousin, you are wasting your breath mints."
"Mr. Enright, you are a dishonest person and I wash my face of you."
"Mr. Enright is being sued and the man who really sung on my video has a
record out which is expected to go plutonium."
ridiculous: Not said in this episode.
used in this episode:
"Donít you ever, EVER say that!" (A variation on "Donít
you ever, EVER do that again!")
"Oh my Lord!"
Balki turns the tables on Larry by asking him, repeatedly, "How many?"
Balki makes a statement that goes, "Well, something something and call me
something," in this case, "Well, paint me green and call me
Other running jokes
used in this episode:
Balki again refers to Wayne Newton
Balki and Larry have a quick exchange of contradictions, in this case "Oh
no, I donít!" "Oh yes, you do!" This is accompanied with
Larry grabs Balki by the shirt
Larry pulls an Appleton Snow Job on Balki to get him to do something
Larry concocts a scenario which he asks Balki to imagine with him, getting Balki
all involved in the vision
"Emotion Potion" - sing by Balki in front of Mr. Enright at the
"Fresh Young Balki B" - performed by Balki for a music video
"Fresh Young Balki B - reprise" - performed by Larry and Balki when
exposing Clive Enright to the press
When this episode first aired, it was presented by Dow Brands in a bumper
card promoting their ZipLock bags.
- Actor Ian Patrick Williams, who played the
unscrupulous Clive Enright with such aplomb in this episode, is still very
active as an actor. Over the years he has made many TV appearances in such
shows as Simon & Simon, E/R, Hill Street Blues, Hooperman, Alien Nation,
Major Dad, Designing Women, Matlock, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Seinfeld,
Married with Children, NYPD Blue, Step by Step, Star Trek: Voyager, Frasier,
Alias, Gilmore Girls and
Days of Our Lives.
- The establishing shot of the Enright Records
soundstage is, of course, the same establishing shot used in previous episodes
such as Games People Play and is actually the soundstage on the Lorimar
lot where Perfect Strangers was filmed.
- Balkiís line, "Donít hate me because
Iím beautiful," was a line from a 1980's commercial for Pantene hair care
products which featured Kelly LeBrock saying the now-classic catch phrase.
You can view the commercial on YouTube.
- Gene Wolande, who had a quick turn in this
episode as the hip-talking video director, has also appeared in numerous
television shows and movies over the years, including RoboCop, Chaplin, Weird
Science, Married with Children, L.A. Confidential, Party of Five, ER and Desperate
Housewives. He is also a writer and director, having written for The
Wonder Years and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, plus writing and
directing the short film Three Shots. You can visit his official
website by clicking here.
- The choreography for the Fresh Young Balki B
dance number in this episode was done by a choreographer John Champion.
- Balkiís song, Fresh Young Balki B, can
owe its lineage to a long line of dance numbers created for various shows and
characters which Miller & Boyett worked on over the years. Among them,
Do the Fonzie which was featured on Happy Days (sung by Leather
Tuscaderoís band and performed by The Fonz himself), Do the Carmine,
which was Laverne & Shirleyís entry into the character-based song
and dance routines, and of course Do the Urkel, which was all the rage
with Family Matters fans (and which had been featured on the episode Life
of the Party which aired the week before this Perfect Strangers episode!)
Considering all this, itís amazing we didnít end up with a song called Do
the Balki instead!
- As if it werenít coincidence enough that the Do
the Urkel dance aired the week before Balkiís video performance, fans will
recognize that the very same rooftop set (with slight variations) was used on
both of the shows! In fact, many of the sets from Perfect Strangers were
re-used on Family Matters and vice-versa, which wasnít hard considering
the sound stages were right next to each other on the Lorimar lot.
- The Fly Girls were named in reference to In
Living Colorís group of female dancers known as the Fly Girls, which
became a standard term for female dancers performing as background entertainment
or backing up a lead dancer.
- The plot of the show was no doubt inspired by the
then-recent Milli Vanilli scandal in which it was revealed that the two lead
singers, Fab Morvan and Rob Pilatus, were lip-synching to recorded versions of
their songs at live performances. It was later revealed they didnít even
sing on their own records, which caused them to lose their recording contract
with Arista Records and have their Grammy rescinded. The scandal caused
shockwaves through the music industry at the end of 1990.
- At the very beginning of the episode, Clive
Enright calls Balki by his name, even though he hasn't heard it yet! This
little faux pas can be explained by reading the Script Variations below.
- In the rap song, Balki sings that he "crossed the sky" when
he came to America, but of course we know that he actually came over on a tramp
steamer, not by plane.
- As they are watching the music video, Mary Anne
gets upset and says she doesnít like it because "Strange women are
singing your name." But the female vocalists have only sung,
"Ooh ooh ooh!" up until the point Mary Anne begins to say this!
- In the final scene Larry is still wearing a
baseball cap turned backwards as he did as MC Cousin, but it has been several
weeks since everything happened (considering the fact that Balki is reading
about the singer who dubbed his voice having recorded his own album).
Since Larry never wore a baseball cap that way before, is it realistic to think
he would, or that the boom box would still happen to be sitting out after so
much time had passed?
episode begins in the basement of the Chicago Chronicle. Balki is walking
from his worktable with an envelope, blowing on the ink of the address to help
it dry. Since heís looking down, he doesnít see the man in the
business suit exiting the elevator and walks right into him, knocking the folder
the man is carrying to the floor. "Oh, Iím sorry," Balki says
sincerely, "Iím so sorry." "No, no, no problemo,"
the man assures him, "Itís all right." Larry watches from his
desk as Balki works to pick up the papers and photos the man has dropped.
"Is this a picture of Lionel DeVinyl?" Balki asks. The man nods.
"I love him!" Balki exclaims, "Heís no Wayne Newton but heís
my favorite rapper. You donít know Lionel, do you?"
"Know him?" the man asks, "I made him a star. Iím Clive
Enright, his manager and producer. You, uh . . . are you a fan?"
"Am I a fan?" Balki asks, "Am I a fan? I love
him! I got all his records. My favorite is ĎEmotion
starts to sing the song, dancing as well. "Iím drowning in an ocean
of your emotion potion. Iím kickiní my feet, and stompiní like a
motion. And with lips so fine and your face so sweet, it moves me, it
touches me, it knocks me off my feet . . . " "Okay, okay, all
right," Larry steps in, trying to stop Balki. "No!" Mr.
Enright protests, "Wait, wait, wait, wait! Donít stop him! He
is good!" Larry looks at Balki gyrating and asks in disbelief, "He
is?" "Yeah!" Mr. Enright observes, "Heís . . .
heís got a very unique kind of appeal." Balki continues to dance
and Larry asks, "He does?" "Absolutely!" Mr.
Enright nods, walking over to Balki, "Oh ho ho . . . Balki! Yo, yo .
. . Balki." "Canít stop now, babe!" Balki insists as he
continues dancing. "Whoa, whoa, hey, whoa!" Mr. Enright stops
Balki physically, "Listen . . . listen, I have been in the music business
for fifteen years and you have got star written all over you." Balki
pulls out his shirt collar and starts looking at his own body in confusion.
no," Larry and Mr. Enright both sigh and Larry steps forward as Balki pulls
his shirt over his head and continues to look, "No, no, Balki . . . Balki .
. . thatís . . . thatís not what he meant." He explains to Mr.
Enright, "I . . . I should tell you that Balki takes everything very
literally." "And who are you?" Mr. Enright asks.
"Iím Balkiís cousin," Larry explains, "Iíve been dealing
with this for years." Larry pulls Balkiís shirt off his head.
"You have to be very careful what you say to him. If you tell him he
can be a star heíll think he can be a star." "He can,"
Mr. Enright insists, "Look at him. He has warmth. He has
innocence. People eat that garbage up. Combined with the right music
this guy could make a fortuuune." "A fortuuune?" Larry
asks, intrigued, "Youíre kidding." "No, look, Iím
prepared right now to offer you a recording contract," Mr. Enright says,
"And I want you to star in your own music video." "Oh, Mr.
Enright," Balki smiles, "I . . . I . . . thatís very nice of you but
I donít think I ever could be a star like Lionel DeVinyl."
"Thatís what Lionel said when I
discovered him working in the auto parts store," Mr. Enright laughs,
"He went from putting on hubcaps to owning
his own limo in two weeks." "Wwowww!" Balki mouths.
Mr. Enright pulls a business card from his pocket and hands it to Balki.
"Listen . . . call me if you reconsider." Mr. Enright heads for
the parking garage as Larry eyes the card over Balkiís shoulder and then
snatches it away from Balki and turns to say, "Heís reconsidered.
Uh, I . . . I didnít introduce myself properly . . . Iím not only Balkiís
cousin, Iím also Balkiís agent. Why donít we take a meeting?
Do lunch? Is tomorrow too soon to ink a deal?" "My office.
Three oíclock. Iíll supply the ink," Mr. Enright winks as he
shakes Larryís hand and then exits. "Cousin, just a . . . just a
moment of your time," Balki steps forward, "I have a few questions.
When did I reconsider? What is an agent? And when did you become
one?" "A . . . an agent is, uh, someone like myself who
negotiates big money deals for a performer . . . like yourself . . . in exchange
for a nominal percentage of the aforementioned big money," Larry explains,
"Uh . . . I think the standard rate is . . . fifty percent?"
not enough," Balki insists, "Cousin, you should have at least half.
But Iím not a performer. Iím just Balki. Iím just your average Joe
Blowniki on the street. I . . . I sing for friends, for . . . for family,
for the occasional sheep. Although once I . . . I did sell out a
meadow." "Well, of course you sold out the meadow," Larry
agrees, "You have talent!" "No, I donít," Balki says
humbly. "Oh yes, you do!" Larry insists. "No, I
donít!" "Oh yes, you do!" "No, I
donít," Balki says, pushing at Larryís face. "Oh yes, you
do," Larry counters, pushing Balkiís face. They continue to push
each otherís faces harder each time, Balki laughing and Larry growing
increasingly angrier. "No, I donít!" "Oh yes, you
do!" "No, I donít!" "Oh yes, you do!"
"Oh no, I donít!" Balki laughs, shoving Larryís face away.
"Oh yes, you do!" Larry yells, grabbing Balki by the shirt and pulling
him close. "Listen, Balki!" Larry continues, taking Balki by the
shoulders, "What if Wayne Newton had said he . . . he didnít have talent?
Thereíd be no ĎRed Roses for a Blue Lady.í Thereíd be no ĎDaddy,
Donít You Walk So Fast.í Thereíd be no ĎDanke Schoen.í"
"Wait a minute, Cousin," Balki
says suspiciously, "I know you like the back of my head. Youíre
going to try to trick Balki by using Wayneís name in
vain." Balki rolls his eyes and walks back to his work table.
Larry follows, sighing, "All right, okay, all right, all right, Balki . . .
you are much too smart for that." "Well, I should say so,"
Balki agrees, and then he scoffs with a "Ha!" as he sits down to start
working. "I was just thinking how proud Wayne Newtonís mother must
be of him," Larry says, catching Balkiís attention, "And how proud
your Mama would be of you if you . . . " Larry stops in a dramatic
pause, leaving Balki hanging in anticipation. "Well, never
mind," Larry sighs, walking toward his desk. "Cousin,
what?" Balki asks, following close behind, "What, Cousin?"
"No, no, no," Larry shakes his head. "What were going to
say?" Balki asks urgently, "Mama would be proud of me for what?"
Larry continues to ignore Balki and Balki moves around Larry, becoming more
frantic for him to continue. "What? You were right in the
middle of a . . . You canít just throw out the Mama reference and just
let it die," Balki insists, "Cousin, just . . . I need you to finish
"I was just thinking how proud your
Mama would be of you if you came back to Mypos a big, BIG star!" Larry says
excitedly, "You performing for all
of Mypos! And Mama, there in the front row. Look! Look!"
Larry points into the distance. "There she is! There she is!
Oh!" Balki looks into the distance, seeing the image Larry is
painting. "Mama!" Balki sighs happily, waving and then walking
toward her. Larry pulls Balki back and continues, "You introduce her
from the stage." Balki motions and mouths, "Stand up," to
his Mama in the audience. "And then she comes up for the last
act," Larry continues, "And . . . and . . . performs. She plays
the tambourine! Oh! But she doesnít need that kind of joy in her
life." Larry goes back to his work. "Cousin, I want to do
it," Balki states firmly. "Are you sure?" Larry asks.
"Yeah," Balki insists, "I want to do it for Mama! I want
her to bang her tambourine and kick up her clogs! Oh Cousin, sheíll be
so proud." "All right, youíve worn me down," Larry
surrenders. "Oh, thank you, Cousin," Balki smiles, "I know
the perfect opening act: New Kids in the Flock."
A caption over an establishing shot of
Enright Record Studios tells us it is "One Week Later." Inside
the soundstage, Balki and Larry are standing
on the rooftop set of Balkiís music video. Technical crews are busy all
around them preparing for the shoot. Balki looks nervous while Larry
calmly reads through their contract. "Cousin, I am . . . I am so
nervous," Balki says, "I . . . I have only had one week to rehearse.
What . . . what if I forget my song? What if I . . . lose my voice?
What if I get a hog in my throat?" "You wonít get a hog in
your throat," Larry assures him, "You wonít get any farm animal in
your throat. You are going to be great. Now just relax. You
have talent!" "No, I donít," Balki sighs. "Oh
yes, you do," Larry coaxes him, "That is why you are getting big bucks
to do this video." "Oh Cousin, imagine," Balki sighs,
"getting paid to sing. I love to sing. I would sing for
nothing." "Donít you ever, EVER say that!" Larry scolds
viciously. Mr. Enright walks up behind Balki and slaps him on the back,
almost knocking Balki over. "Fresh Young Balki B!" Mr. Enright
exclaims, "Are you ready to cook?" "Well, not really.
My crock potís at home in the kitchen," Balki answers.
"Could I speak to you for just a
moment?" Larry asks Mr. Enright, and he steps around Balki to the record
executive. "Is there a problem with the
contract?" Mr. Enright asks. "Yes, thereís a problem,"
Larry begins as a make-up woman and hairstylist walk up to Balki and begin
working on him in the background, "Clauses B, H and K are totally
unacceptable. In addition, I would like private limousine service for
Fresh Young Balki B and myself. And there is to be an ample supply of
M&Mís in the dressing room at all times. Remove all the green
ones." "No M&Mís. No limo. Clauses B, H and K
stay as is or heís out," Mr. Enright replies. "Deal!"
Larry agrees, shaking the manís hand, "Love it! Ciao."
Mr. Enright walks away and Larry turns as the make up woman and hairstylist move
away from Balki, leaving him made up for the shoot. "Donít hate me
because Iím beautiful," Balki says to Larry. "Just sign
it," Larry urges, and Balki signs the contract. The director walks up
to Balki and says, "Yo, Fresh! Now we happen in five so I need you to
jump in your threads, hang tight and wait Ďtil I toss you a cue. Capish?"
"Yes, sir," Balki replies, then corrects himself, "Uh . . . I
mean . . . yo, sir." "There you go," the director smiles.
The man moves away and after a moment Balki asks Larry, "What did he just
next scene begins with an establishing shot of the studio which includes a sign
that reads, "Hot Set - Do Not Enter." A clapboard is seen and
the director reads, "Fresh Young Balki B Video - Take 2." The
board is clapped and we dissolve to a circle of female dancers seen from above.
These are the Fly Girls. They spin apart and look at a large door marked
"Danger - High Voltage." The sign is glowing with electricity
and one girl approaches and reaches out to touch it, getting a small shock.
The electricity builds and the girls line up in two rows facing each other in
front of the door and hold their arms together as the door burst open and Balki
leaps out, landing in their arms. He is wearing Myposian-style rapperís
clothing. The women carry him forward and the music begins. Shots of
Balki and the girls dancing on the smokey rooftop as well as the musicians are
cut together with special effects added as the girls sing, "Ooh
ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh, Balki B." Balki begins to sing the
I was tendiní to my flock of sheep
My mind was bendiní, couldnít get no sleep
I was dreaminí of a world I knew
If I could get to would make my dreams come true.
I packed up and I said goodbye
To my Mama and I crossed the sky
To a new land, where I work and play
With Cousin Larry each and every day.
Now Iím thrilliní, cause my dreams are
And Iím tilliní new ground inside me
And Iím williní to go to the top
And thatís why Iím telliní yíall not to stop.
if youíre lookiní to do the same
Donít go cookiní up no brand new game
Just reach for what youíve got inside
ĎCause youíre your own ticket to ride.
The male and female background singers now
sing, "Fresh Young Balki B, rapping his way across the sea."
"I said Fresh Young Balki B," Balki sings, "Come on, Fly Girls!
Get busy!" "Rapping his way across the sea," the background
singers finish as the video ends with a closeup of Balki with a twinkle in his
Act two begins some days later with Balki,
Larry, Jennifer and Mary Anne sitting on the couch in the apartment.
"Letís watch the video," we hear
Balki say over the establishing shot, "I hope you like my singing.
Maybe someday Iíll win a Grandma." "A Grammy," Larry
corrects, "Win a Grammy." "Thatís what I said,"
Balki says, "Although winning one could never replace the sweet little old
lady I left on Mypos." "Well, when you do win weíll
renegotiate," Larry states, "We are going to make a fortune!"
"Okay," Balki says as he points the remote at the television,
"Past the teeth and over the gums, look out eyes here it comes!"
Balki turns on the video and they watch as it begins. Everyone looks
excited but Mary Anne starts to look upset as it continues. "Balki, I
donít think I like this," Mary Anne pouts, "Strange women are
singing your name." "Oh, donít worry, Mary Anne," Balki
says, "I didnít sing back." Balki looks at the screen and
exclaims, "Oh look look look look! This . . . this . . . this is . .
. is my part! This is where I sing by myself."
turns up the volume as the vocals begin and a voice that is definitely not his
own begins singing the lyrics, "I was tendiní to my flock of sheep, my
mind was bendiní, couldnít get no sleep . . . " "Gee, Balki,
itís amazing how different your singing voice is," Mary Anne comments.
"Itís not his voice, Mary Anne," Jennifer informs her.
"Oh my Lord!" Larry gasps, "Y . . . youíre right. They .
. . they dubbed in a different voice." "I worked so hard and
they threw my voice away," Balki sighs sadly, "How could this happen?
How could another voice get into my mouth?" "Well, I donít
know, but if you gotta have a different voice thatís a good one to have,"
Larry smiles, trying to cheer Balki up. "Itís not my voice!"
Balki cries. "But you look fabulous," Larry points out,
"Your Mamaís gonna be very proud." "My Mamaís going to
be proud? Of what?" Balki asks, "Of me pretending to be somebody
else? I donít want to do this! Iím not going to be Fresh Young
Balki B any more!" Balki turns off the television and runs to his
The next day at the Chronicle, Larry is at
Balkiís worktable trying to change his mind. "Balki, be reasonable.
If youíre not going to be Fresh Young
Balki B you are letting a fortune slip through my fingers . . . your fingers.
Balki, you cannot throw away the opportunity of a lifetime!"
"Cousin, you are wasting your breath mints," Balki argues as he walks
across the basement to mail a letter, "I am not going to be moving my lips
for somebody elseís voice. That is dishonest!" "It is
not dishonest!" Larry insists, "Everybody does it! Did . . . did
you know that Natalie Wood didnít do her own singing in ĎWest Side Story?í
Or . . .or that Audrey Hepburn lip-synched her songs in ĎMy Fair
Lady?í" "I suppose the next thing youíre going to tell me is
that someone else sang for the Little Mermaid?" Balki cries.
"Yes!" Larry confirms, "And donít even ask about Mr. Ed!"
Balki clasps his hands over his ears and cries, "Not Mr. Ed!"
Sadly, Balki walks back to his work table. "All right, Balki,"
Larry tries again, "Balki, think of this as . . . as . . . as a group
effort. Itís . . . itís like building a car. One person makes
the engine. Another person makes the body. Another person puts in
the seats. In the end it doesnít matter who did what . . . ya have a
Buick." "But someone elseís voice is coming out of the
radio!" Balki protests.
all right, all right, all right" Larry says, "Forget cars.
Forget cars. Think of it as . . . as making a cake!"
"Cousin . . . " "One person puts in the flour."
"Cousin . . . " "Another person breaks the eggs.
Another person . . . " "Cousin, Cousin . . . youíre getting a
little bogged down in images here," Balki interrupts, "Now let me ask
you this. How many times have Marshall and Walpole taken credit for an
article youíve written?" "Oh," Larry scoffs.
"How many times?" Balki asks. "Ah . . . "
"How many?" "Ah . . . " "How many times
have Marshall and Walpole taken credit for an article youíve written?"
"Itís not the kind of thing I keep track of," Larry replies.
"How many?" Balki asks again. "Twenty-one," Larry
answers. "Twenty-one?" Balki asks, "Twenty-one times.
Now how does that make you feel?" "Hey, Iím okay with
it!" Larry insists. After a moment Larry says, "All right, it
bothers me a little." Under Balkiís unflinching gaze, Larry finally
admits, "I hate it." "Well, of course you do," Balki
agrees, "Itís not fair to take credit for someone elseís work."
"Youíre right," Larry sighs.
"Thank you, Cousin," Balki sighs. "Think of it as building
a house," Larry starts again. "Cousin, would you just cut the
babasticki?" Balki asks. "Okay, all right, all right,"
Larry agrees, "All right, I see your point. Iíll just call Enright
and insist that you do your own singing." Balki pats Larry on the
back and says, "Thank you, Cousin." Clive Enright enters
carrying his folder and greets them by saying, "I canít believe you two
are hanging on to your day jobs. Youíre both about to become
millionaires! Okay, listen, Balki, Iíve got a schedule here of your
promotional appearances." "Mr. Enright, this is, uh . . . very,
very difficult for me to say but Balki wonít be making any promotional
appearances unless he does his own singing," Larry states. Mr.
Enright laughs and turns to Balki to ask, "What is he saying?"
"I saw the video and I donít like it," Balki says, "I donít
like that someone elseís voice is coming out of my mouth." "Balkster,
come on," Mr. Enright coaxes, "When I said I was gonna make you a star
it wasnít for your singing." "It wasnít?" Balki asks.
"Itís your unique look that I wanna sell," Mr. Enright continues,
"See, I always planned to match your look with J.J. Jayís voice.
None of my clients use their own voices."
"This wonít affect profit
participation, will it?" Larry asks. "Cousin, Cousin,
please," Balki says, "Are you telling me that Lionel DeVinyl is just a
of moving lips?" Mr. Enright nods, confirming, "Thatís what
Iím saying." "What about Neon Leon?" Balki asks.
Clive Enright shakes his head. "Jazzy Jake?" Balki tries.
"None of them sing a note," Mr. Enright explains. "Well,
paint me green and call me Gumby," Balki exclaims, "Mr. Enright, you
are a dishonest person and I wash my face of you." Balki starts to
walk away but Mr. Enright shouts, "Not so fast there, Fresh! Iíve
got a contract here with your signature on it and according to Paragraph Z, Line
4 your lips are mine. You move them when and where I tell you."
"Wait a minute . . . Paragraph Z?" Larry asks, taking the contract
from Mr. Enright, "Let me see that." "If you donít live
up to your end of this deal, Iíll sue and you will be in court until the day
you die," Mr. Enright threatens Balki. Balki walks to Larry and asks,
"Cousin, is this true?" Larry reviews the clause and sighs,
"Iím afraid it is." Mr. Enright takes the contract from Larry
and says, "Balkman, at your press conference scheduled for tomorrow itís
your introduction to the music world. All the major music publications are
gonna be there, babe. So, see you there. Or . . . Iíll see you in
court." Mr. Enright exits the basement, leaving Balki and Larry
next day weíre back at Enrightís soundstage, where a sign that says
"Press Entrance" points to the side. We can hear the Fresh Young
Balki B song playing with the other singerís voice. On the set, Clive
Enright is standing in front of a screen where the video is playing.
Behind him are two rows of reporters sitting on folding chairs, watching the
video and enjoying it. The video ends and everyone applauds.
"Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" Mr. Enright exclaims, "There you
have it! Fresh Young Balki Bís first music video. What can I say,
huh? I mean, you are witnessing today the birth of a major new rock
phenomenon, okay? This guy is hot . . . he is happening and he is here!
Thatís right, you heard me. Ladies and gentlemen of the press, put those
hands together and give it up for Fresh Young Balki B!" Mr. Enright
points to the doors which Balki burst through in the music video. They
open and Balki steps out amidst rock video smoke. Balki stands in front of
the reporters and says, "Hello, my name is Fresh Young Balki B. And I
would like you to meet my deejay . . . MC Cousin."
walks through the door wearing a rapperís loose fitting clothing and carrying
a beat box. He saunters over to Balki and turns to the reporters, greeting
them with a "Yo." "Hey, hey, hey, hey," Mr. Enright
says, stepping over to them, "Your contract didnít say anything about a
deejay. Youíre here to answer their questions, and here are your
answers." He holds out a piece of paper to Balki. "Heís
not gonna answer any questions," Larry states, "Heís gonna sing . .
. live! Yo." "You canít do that!" Mr. Enright
protests. "Well, letís ask the press!" Larry suggests,
"You wanna hear Fresh Young Balki B sing?" The reporters applaud
as Mr. Enright says, "No, no," and tries to discourage them.
"Yo . . . itís Balki time," Larry announces, and he hits a button on
the boom box. The instrumental of Balkiís song starts to play and Larry
and Balki move to the back wall where Larry sets down the player and they stand
with their backs to the reporters. Together they start to move their
behinds in beat with the music, then turn and dance forward. They perform
a rap which they both sing and dance to the music:
"I was singing on the job, you see,
The man said heíd make a star out of me."
Larry: "He cut a record, shot a video, too . . . "
Balki: "But when we saw it, something didnít . . .
Balki & Larry: " . . . ring true."
Balki: "Was set to grooviní, had my
lips were moviní but it wasnít my sound."
Larry: "What we heard wasnít our
Clive Enright dubbed in a new voice."
Balki & Larry: "None of his acts
sing their own songs,
What went down we think was terribly wrong."
Balki: "Neon Leon, Jazzy Jake and the
Jukes . . . "
"Have no talent, theyíre just lipsynching flukes."
Balki & Larry: "Lionel DeVinyl
and Untame Jane,
Their story is sadly the same,
Even Jump Back Jimmy Mack,
Couldnít carry a tune in a paper sack."
Balki: "Take it from Fresh Young
Balki B . . . "
Larry: "And his Cousin MC . . .
& Larry: "What youíre heariní ainít what you see . . . "
Balki: "And singiní a lie just
ainít for me.
ĎCause the songs moviní up his hit parade,
Are all a part of Enrightís charade."
Larry: "But youíve got the power to
end his game . . . "
Balki & Larry: "So tell the
world, Clive Enrightís to blame!
Enrightís to blame! Enrightís to blame! Enrightís to
Balki and Larry dance away to one side as
the reporters jump up from their chairs and rush Clive Enright, demanding to
know the truth.
One evening several weeks later, Larry and
Balki are on the couch with Jennifer and Mary Anne. Balki is looking at a
"Cousin, look at this," Balki says, "Mr. Enright is being sued
and the man who really sung on my video has a record out which is expected to go
plutonium." "Not plutonium," Larry corrects,
"Platinum. And now he is going to be very, very rich. And we .
. . are not." "But Larry, you got the byline on the expose about
Enright and his phony singers," Jennifer points out. "I did
scoop Rolling Stone, Musicians Weekly and Rap and Roll," Larry realizes,
"I guess, uh, Fresh Young Balki B and MC Cousin did earn me
something." "Iím just sorry we never got to see your
act," Mary Anne says. "Well, thereís . . . thereís still
time!" Balki assures her, and he gets up from the couch, "Stay right
where you are!" Balki heads for the boom box which is sitting on the
kitchen counter as Larry jumps up trying to stop him. "No, no, no,
Balki!" Larry protests. "Come on, MC!" Balki says,
"Letís get busy!" Balki switches on the music and they
immediately stand with their backs to the girls, moving their hips to the music.
They dance behind the couch and start their rap routine as the episode ends.
There are some notable
differences between the first draft script dated January 17, 1990 and the
episode which aired:
to the shooting schedule for this episode, the looping of the rock video track
was done on January 21st. The rock video segment was filmed on January
23rd, although it was done again in front of the studio audience the next day
(the earlier shooting probably covered most of the different angled shots,
something that would have been too time consuming to do with an audience
episode begins differently with Larry working behind a stack of books at his
desk. Balki enters, his arms laden with food from the lunch truck,
including hot dogs, drinks, etc. "Here you go, Cousin, a hot dog with
everything," Balki says. "Balki, 'with everything' means
mustard, onions and ketchup . . . not 'everything on the menu,'" Larry
explains. "Well, then why did the man at the truck sell me
everything, Cousin?" Balki asks. "Because he saw you
coming," Larry replies. "Of course he saw me coming,
Cousin," Balki scoffs, "The truck is parked right in front of the
building." As Balki goes to his table with the food, he bumps into
Clive Enright coming down the stairs. The script describes him as "A
man in his late 30's, very good looking, Armani suit, pony tail, small round
glasses." "Oh, excuse me," Balki offers, helping him pick
up the papers from the folder he's dropped. "No problem," Mr.
Enright says, "I'm looking for the garage." "It's right
that way," Balki points, then he sees the publicity pictures.
Mr. Enright asks Balki if he's a fan, Balki replies, "Oh yes, the biggest.
I'm Balki Bartokomous." Mr. Enright extends his hand to shake and
Balki hugs him. "Lionel is the top of the hip hop heap," Balki
continues, then he explains how he has all his records and starts to sing
insisting that Balki has appeal, Mr. Enright asks, "Balki, have you ever
considered a career in the music business?" "Well, yes . . . I
did once," Balki admits, "But then my voice changed and I decided to
go into the family sheep herding business." "A sheep
herder?" Mr. Enright asks, "I love it. It's perfect."
This is when Enright says Balki has star written all over him.
Larry explains he's Balki's cousin and that he's been dealing with this for
years, he continues, "See, he doesn't understand you're just being kind,
you don't really mean what you're saying." "But I do," Mr.
Enright insists, "He has warmth, he has innocence. Combine that with
the right music, you could make a fortune." "A fortune?"
Larry asks, "You're kidding." "No, I'm not," Mr.
Enright insists, then to Balki, "I'm prepared to offer you a contract to
star in your own music video." "A contract?" Larry asks.
"I could have a song written for you that would top the charts and make you
a star," Mr. Enright continues.
Larry says the percentage of the aforementioned big money would be "Fifty
percent, to be exact," Balki replies, "Well, Cousin, that's certainly
fair, but I'm not a 'performer.'" Balki then talks about selling out
After Larry says Balki
has talent, Balki asks, "If you think I have talent, how come when I sing
in the shower, you always yell 'shut up?'"
"No, no . . . not 'shut up,'" Larry insists, "I"m yelling
'give it up.' 'Give it up' . . . you know, like Arsenio." Larry
waves his arm and shouts, "Give it up . . . give it up." The
whole "Oh yes, you do," "Oh no, I don't," exchange is
not in this version of the script.
After Larry brings up
Wayne Newton, Balki responds, "Oh, no, Cousin, you're not going to get me
with the Wayne Newton trick again."
Balki and Larry are first seen on the soundstage, it appears they are standing
in a southwestern prairie. During their dialogue exchange, stagehands pick
up and carry away huge "boulders," a giant "cactus" and roll
away the sky.
After Balki says he
would sing for nothing, Larry snaps, "Don't ever say that. Not ever.
Balki sings for nothing. But you're not Balki anymore. You have a
new name. You're Fresh Young Balki B. You sing for lots and lots of
After Mr. Enright asks
if Fresh Young Balki B is ready to cook, Balki replies, "Oh no, all my
stuff's at home in the kitchen." "He means are you ready to
sing," Larry explains. "Of course I'm ready to sing," Balki
says, "But how many people are going to eat?" "Six,"
Larry answers before taking Mr. Enright aside.
After Larry gives his
list of demands, Mr. Enright asks, "Where did you come up with all these
demands?" "I read Billboard," Larry explains, "I know
the special treatment these people get. I happen to know Vanilla Ice
requires bologna sandwiches with the crust cut off before every concert."
"When the sheep herder does platinum, we'll talk," Mr. Enright
explains, then he rejects all of Larry's demands.
In this version, Balki
is not being made up as Larry is talking to Mr. Enright. When Larry
crosses back to Balki, he gives Balki the contract and says, "Here.
Quick. Sign this before Enright changes his mind. I've softened him
up for renegotiations. It's a real sweetheart deal." "I'll
sign, Cousin, but you know very well Mary Anne is my sweetheart," Balki
Balki signs the contract, the director steps out and says, "Places,
everybody." To Balki he says, "Yo, Fresh, hang tight till I cue
you." "Yes sir. I mean, yo sir," Balki replies.
Balki doesn't ask Larry what the director meant in this version. Instead,
Balki and Larry move off to the side. Dancers and singers take their
places. The smoke machine starts, stage lights come up and the stage comes
to life. Music starts. The dancers behind rap dance moves. A
few backup singers begin to sing the refrain. "Fresh . . . Young . .
. Balki B . . . Rappin' his way across the sea." After a few beats,
the director cues Balki. Balki attempts to find his way center stage
through dense atmosphere smoke and ends up back beside Larry. Larry pushes
him off in the right direction. Balki quickly reaches his mark and dances
for a few beats, then begins to sing.
the next scene, when Balki, Larry, Jennifer and Mary Anne are seated on the
couch to watch the video, Mary Anne says, "Balki, I'm so proud of you.
I can't wait to see your video." "Me, too," Balki says,
"After we watch it I'm going to send it to Mama." "We'll
send Mama enough tapes for everyone on the island," Larry adds, "Mr.
Enright has to supply as many copies of the tape as we want. It's covered
in the contract. Clause S, I believe." "Larry, you
should've been a lawyer," Jennifer comments. "Well . . . I do
have a nodding acquaintance with the law," Larry says, flattered.
"Well here goes," Balki says, "I hope you like it. Maybe
someday I'll win a 'Grandma.'" "Grammy. Win a
Grammy," Larry corrects, "And when you do, we'll renegotiate.
We're going to make a fortune." Balki starts the tape. We see a
burn-in of the video made in the previous scene. In MTV style, we see
quick cuts of dancers and singers in the midst of heavy smoke.
"There's so much smoke, I can't see you, Balki," Mary Anne notes,
"Was the stage on fire?" "That's video smoke, Mary
Anne," Balki explains, "All the really great ones have it. There
I am." Mary Anne notes how different Balki's singing voice is and
Jennifer explains, "It's not his voice, Mary Anne. Someone else's
voice has been dubbed in over Balki's." "Cousin, how could this
happen?" Balki asks, "How did another voice get into my mouth?"
"Balki, don't worry about it," Larry says, "What difference does
it make who's singing? You get all the money. Well, we get all the
money." "But it's not my voice," Balki protests.
"But it's a good voice, and you look great," Larry insists.
"How could Mama be proud of me for pretending to be something I'm
not?" Balki cries. He runs off saying he's not going to be Fresh
Young Balki B any more. This is where act one was originally to end.
At the Chronicle when
Balki continues to tell Larry he's not going to be Fresh Young Balki B any more,
he says, "Cousin, you're wasting your breath mints. I'm not going to
be moving lips for someone else's voice. It's dishonest. And Mama
wouldn't like it. My lips are sealed."
After Larry tells
Balki about Mr. Ed, Balki doesn't react with horror. Instead he responds,
"Cousin, where I come from a person doesn't take wool from another man's
sheep, or make bacon from another man's pig. Of course, mud is pretty much
up for grabs."
After Larry makes the
comparison with the car, Balki says, "Cousin, you're comparing apples and
Instead of saying,
"I hate it," when asked about Marshall and Walpole taking credit for
his articles, Larry just says, "Lousy. So what?"
Mr. Enright enters he doesn't say anything about them hanging on to their day
Mr. Enright says that he always planned to match Balki's look with Right on
Ralph's voice. After confirming that Lionel DeVinyl is just a pair of
moving lips, Balki asks, "What about Neon Leon, Jazzy Jakes and the Jukes
and Untame Jane?" "None of them sing a note," Mr. Enright
says. "Okay," Balki says, "Jump Back Jimmy Mack. I
know Jump Back sings his own stuff." "Jump Back couldn't carry a
tune in a bag, paper or plastic," Mr. Enright states. "Well,
I'll be snookered," Balki sighs, "Mr. Enright, you can take me off
your hit parade."
When Mr. Enright says Balki will be in court until the day he dies, he adds,
" . . . and several days after."
Larry confirms that what Mr. Enright is saying is true, Balki says, "But,
Cousin, you said you went over this with a swine tooth comb." "I
sort of lost interest after the M&M thing," Larry admits.
After Mr. Enright insists Balki appear at the press conference and leaves, Balki
sighs, "Well, I guess I better get ready. I don't have much
time." "You mean, you're going to perform?" Larry asks.
"No, I don't have much time to pack," Balki explains, "I'm going
back to Mypos to hide out. Ten or fifteen years in a sheep suit won't be
so bad." "Balki, you don't have to go back to Mypos," Larry
says, "I got you into this, I'll get you out." "How are you
going to do that?" Balki asks. "Trust me," Larry says.
"Oh god," Balki sighs.
The scene at the press conference is the same as what aired.
next scene takes place several weeks later. Balki is looking at a copy of
Rap Magazine. "Look at this . . . Right on Ralph's new hit is
expected to go plutonium. What's that mean, Cousin?" Balki asks.
"Go platinum, Balki," Larry corrects, "It means since Enright was
forced to let Right on Ralph record an album, he's going to be rich and we're
not." "But it's only fair," Balki points out, "After
all he did do the singing and . . . " "I know, I know,"
Larry sighs, " . . . he should get the credit. You're right.
But still . . . we came so close." It's here that Jennifer points out
how Larry got the byline on the story. The rest of the scene is the same.
on to the next episode . . .