Strangers Episode Guide
115 - See How They Run
First Air Date:
February 22, 1991
Filming Date: January 31, 1991
Nielsen Rating: 12.3 HH
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Thomas R. Nance
Directed by: Judy Pioli
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne Spencer
Belita Moreno: Miss Lydia Markham
Marte Boyle Slout: The Moderator
Rhonda Britten: Student #1 (Lisa Morgan)
Troy Fromin: Student #2
Appearances: Dimitri can be seen sitting on Balkiís work table, the
first time Dimitri has been seen at the Chronicle!
"Oh, just as sleazy as pie."
"Wait one finger-lickiní moment . . . "
"I feel that we all understand each other better if we can speak in another
manís tongue, walk in another manís shoes, see the world through another
manís binoculars . . . "
"Thatís not the only weapon in my Arsenio."
"Oh Cousin, itís a real Kojak moment."
"I never use the phrase, ĎHeck if I know.í It makes me sound
"Thank you, my fair Chairlady."
"If elected, I promise to be firm yet flexible, tough yet vulnerable, soft
"Happy? Iím erratic!"
ridiculous: Said twice in this episode.
used in this episode:
Balki makes a comment such as "Well, something something and call me
something," in this case, "Well, bang my bongos and call me Desi."
"My body is like a hollow reed. Troubles blow through me like the
"Oh po po . . . "
Other running jokes
used in this episode:
Balki complains in Myposian
Larry cries and whines
Larry grabs onto Balkiís shirt
Larry uses a clipboard to organize things
Balki wants to wear the traditional Myposian Election Hat during the Student
Body President debate but Larry wonít let him.
- The title of this episode was likely inspired by a line from the
Beatles song "Lady Madonna" in which they sing, "See how they run
. . . "
- In the opening scene, Balki is working on his
student body president poster and he has Dimitri sitting on his work table.
Balki uses a drawing of Dimitri on his poster, so this sort of precedes the
upcoming work situation when Balki starts drawing the Dimitri cartoon for the
Sunday childrenís section and brings Dimitri to work on a regular basis.
- This marks the first time Larry talks about his
self-help tapes which include the saying, "My body is like a hollow reed.
Troubles blow through me like the wind." This line would become an
occasional running joke in future episodes.
- Balki being uncomfortable while wearing the suit
is somewhat reminiscent of when his character in Second Sight, Bobby
McGee, was stuffed into a business suit, although Balkiís discomfort seems to
come mostly from not being able to wear the Myposian Election Hat with it.
When Balki tells the students "I would like to establish a kinder,
gentler cafeteria," it is a reference to a quote by President George H.W.
Bush who stated in a now-famous speech that he wanted to direct the United
States into becoming a kinder, gentler nation.
- You may recall seeing Marte Boyle Slout as the
customer who says, "I thought you said this was a sale," during the
second season episode Beautiful Dreamer. She also appeared in
episodes of Charlieís Angels, Flamingo Road, Knots Landing, Mamaís
Family, Growing Pains, Quantum Leap, Beverly Hills 90210, Murphy Brown and Chicago
Hope, as well as playing Barbara Bush on Thatís
Rhonda Britten, who appeared briefly as Lisa Morgan, the student who asks Balki
about his differing statements, has gone on to become a bestseller author,
Emmy-award winner and the founder of the Fearless Living Institute, a successful
life coaching program which has even been featured on the Oprah Winfrey Show.
You can visit her website by clicking here.
- Troy Fromin, who played the jock student who
asked Balki if he planned to reinstate the language requirement, later had a
regular role as Ox on the popular series Saved By the Bell. He also
made appearances on Just the Ten of Us, Life Goes On and Married with
- Balki is running for student body president of the Chicago City
College, which he began attending back in season in four (although in the
episode College Bound he refers to it as the actual City Colleges of Chicago.)
episode begins at the Chicago Chronicle. Over the establishing shot of the
building, we hear Balki saying, "Look at this, Miss Lydia."
Balki is at his worktable, putting the finishing touches on a poster.
Lydia is standing beside him. "Iím running for student body
president of the Chicago City College," Balki explains, holding up the
childishly-made poster for Lydia to see. It reads, "Balki Bartokomous
- Student Body President" with the words running too long to fit properly
on the sheet. There is also a drawing of Dimitri in the middle (and
Dimitri happens to be sitting on Balkiís work table as well). "Ah,
Balki, thatís terrific," Lydia smiles. "Yeah," Balki
agrees. "Howís it going?" Lydia asks. "Oh, just as
sleazy as pie," Balki answers, "Just like campaigning on Mypos, all
you have to do is make sure that everyone knows how you feel about the important
issues. And Iíve already told anyone who would listen that Iím
pro-sheep and anti-wolf."
out against wolves is a good start, Balki," Lydia says condescendingly,
"But, um . . . maybe you should ask Larry to help you."
"Yeah, um . . . " Balki hesitates, "Actually, I havenít told
Cousin Larry that Iím . . . that Iím running." "Oh
well," Lydia laughs, "if you tell him Iím sure heíd help you with
your campaign. Why donít you ask him?" Balki laughs
uncomfortably and replies, "Well, because . . . if I, uh . . . if I ask
Cousin Larry to . . . to help me with my campaign, um . . . Iím sort of afraid
Cousin Larry will . . . help me with my campaign. Uh, I donít know if
youíve noticed but Cousin Larry . . . he . . . he . . . heís trying to be
helpful but . . . but he tends to go overboard. Heís kind of a type-A
personality. So I . . . I . . . I beg of you . . . please, promise me you
wonít tell Cousin Larry." "A team of wild horses couldnít
drag it out of me," Lydia assures him. "Thank you, Miss
Lydia," Balki smiles. As Lydia walks to the elevator she stops and
adds, "Of course the sweaty cowboy pulling the reins might have a
shot." Balki just looks confused.
Larry exits the archives and crosses
behind Balkiís table, saying, "Hi, Balki." Balki jumps, having
been startled, as Larry looks at the poster. "Oh,"
Larry hums, "I see youíre running for student body president."
Balki stands up in worried anticipation. "Well, good luck with your
campaign," Larry offers. "Cousin, now listen to me!" Balki
cries, "No matter what you say, no matter what you do, there is absolutely
no way that Iím . . . . what did you just say?" "I said,
ĎGood luck with your campaign,í" Larry repeats with a smile.
"Well, bang my bongos and call me Desi," Balki gasps, then he follows
Larry to his desk and asks, "You mean to say that . . . that youíre not
gonna force yourself into my campaign and . . . and then go overboard and make
yourself a royal pain in the boingi?" "Oh! Oh, I
see!" Larry realizes, "I see, you . . . you think because I lost every
campaign I managed in school that I would see your campaign as my last chance to
be a winner." "You lost every single campaign?" Balki asks
sympathetically. "Yeah . . . yeah," Larry admits, "uh, no
no . . . I . . . I admit it, uh . . . used to bother me, but Iím over it.
Those hundred and twenty hours of self-help tapes cured me. I no longer
have that overwhelming need to win just once." Larryís voice
emphasizes the "just once" in his insistent manner. "So,
good luck. I hope you win," Larry concludes.
"Wait one finger-lickiní
moment," Balki says, "Are you telling me that we can discuss this and
. . . and your eyes wonít bulge out of your head
and that vein in your forehead wonít start throbbing?" "Oh
sure," Larry assures him, "Oh yeah, yeah . . . Oh, that syndrome
is covered in tapes one through forty-three: ĎCoping and Being at Peace with
Your Body.í" Larry closes his eyes and recites calmly, "My
body is like a hollow reed. Troubles blow through me like the wind."
Larry imitates the sound of wind blowing through a reed and then finishes it up
with a wisp. Balki is unsure how to react to this and says, "Okay.
Uh, well, Cousin I . . . I . . . Iím glad youíve weathered that storm
because Iíd love to tell you about my campaign." "Well, Iíd
love to hear about it!" Larry insists. "Well, um . . . if Iím
elected my goal is to reinstate the language requirement. That means every
student have to take a foreign language to graduate. I feel that we all
understand each other better if we can speak in another manís tongue, walk in
another manís shoes, see the world through another manís binoculars, cure
another manís ham, build with another manís Legos. Iím still
fine-tuning my platform." "You call that a platform?" Larry
scoffs. "Okay, here it is! I knew it was coming!" Balki
cries with disgust, then he storms back to his table, complaining wildly in
Myposian, "Oh po po po po lingo moniki desperiki yoogi Appletoniki
babasticki Bartokomouki hedabalooki po po po sticki . . . babasticki."
"No, wait . . . no!" Larry is
quick to explain, "I know. I know. You thought that I . . .
that I was just gonna jump in and go crazy but . . . but I was
only asking if thatís your platform. And . . . and if it is . . . I hope
it works for ya." "Really?" Balki asks skeptically.
"Really," Larry smiles. "Aw, thank you, Cousin," Balki
sighs, walking back to Larryís desk with him, "Thatís . . . thatís
not the only weapon in my Arsenio. I havenít even started baking my
special election spleen chip cookies." "Spleen chip
cookies?" Larry asks. "Yeah, original recipe and now with
pimentos," Balki adds, then he heads back to his table. Larry
hesitates saying anything, then begins, "W . . . w . . . well . . . .
" After a moment Larry lets it drop, returning to his work. He
stops and looks as if he wants to say something again, but stops himself.
He goes through this one more time, really struggling to keep silent.
Finally Larry can resist no longer and walks to Balki, saying, "You know,
Balki, uh . . . uh . . . I . . . I donít want you to think that Iím getting
involved in your campaign, because Iím not! Really! But . . . but
as a disinterested bystander would you allow me to say that spleen chip cookies
are not gonna be enough to . . . to get you elected." "Well, of
course theyíre not. Donít be ridiculous!" Balki agrees,
"Thatís why each student gets a special Vote for Balki sheep kidney coin
Balki holds up a wrinkled brown pouch to
show Larry. Larry reaches out for it but Balki warns, "Oh no no,
donít touch, Cousin. Itís . . . itís not
quite dry yet." Balki sets the pouch aside. "Balki, sheep
kidney coin pouches and spleen chip cookies, with or without pimentos, may work
on Mypos but in America you . . . you . . . you need slogans, buttons, posters,
position papers. We have got to set up meetings with the voters.
Weíre gonna have to . . . did I say Ďwe?í Because I meant Ďyou.í
You. This is your campaign. Not mine. I wouldnít do it.
I put all that behind me. Huh huh . . . no, no way . . . no how. Not
in a million years. Donít need it, donít want it, wouldnít do it . .
. not this guy." Balki eyes Larry and finally says, "You want
in, donít you, Cousin?" "More than anything else in the
world," Larry breaks down crying, "Please, please, please . . . "
"Okay, okay," Balki smiles, "You can be my campaign
manager." "Oh thank you!" Larry gasps, clinging on to
Balkiís shirt, "Thank you! Thank you!" "But you
have to promise me one thing," Balki adds. "Anything,"
Larry assures him. "You wonít go overboard!" Balki states.
"I promise I wonít go overboard," Larry replies. Balki smiles
and pats Larry on the back.
We do a quick cut to the next scene in the
apartment, which has been transformed into a bustling campaign center filled
with people working
phones, preparing papers and working on promotional packets. Larry opens
the door so a man with a drum that reads, "Balki canít be beat" can
exit the apartment, banging as he goes. Larry closes the door and makes a
note on his clipboard. Balki enters the apartment, looking back at the man
with the drum. When he turns around he is startled by the transformation
of the apartment. He checks the number on the door before entering.
Slowly Balki walks to a table where a man and woman are working. He picks
up a small American flag from the table and looks at it until the man snatches
it back and gives Balki an angry look. Balki is then startled to see his
own photo on a large campaign banner which reads, "Balki for
President." Larry walks over to him and says, "Balki, Iím glad
youíre here. Let me show you around campaign headquarters."
"Cousin, you said you were not going to go overboard," Balki scolds,
"You promised me you were not going to go overboard! And here you are
. . . scraping barnacles off the Titanic!"
"Balki, this is just a bare
minimum," Larry insists, "We have posters with your picture weíre
putting up all over campus. We have people calling
students urging them to vote for you. We have volunteers stuffing campaign
literature into envelopes." Balki picks up one of the letters and
starts to read aloud, "Dear fellow student . . . " "No time
now," Larry interrupts, taking the letters from Balki and throwing it down,
"You can read what you said later." Larry leads Balki over to
one of the campaign posters and asks, "Have you noticed how handsome you
look in the poster?" "Oh Cousin, itís a real Kojak
moment," Balki smiles. Larry next leads Balki to the kitchen counter
where Jennifer and Mary Anne are working. "Now, over here we are
tallying the latest results of a poll weíve just taken. I want to know
how much of a lead I have built for you. Iím good, Balki. I am
really good." "Balki, this is so exciting!" Jennifer says,
"Youíre gonna be Student Body President!" "And Iím
gonna be First Girlfriend," Mary Anne smiles. "Iíve recruited
Jennifer and Mary Anne to help with the womenís vote," Larry explains.
"Oh, Iím going to speak on your behalf at the Women in College
Foundation," Jennifer says. "And Iím talking to the
cheerleaders," Mary Anne adds, "I speak their language."
Mary Anne gets up and starts to do a
cheer, using her body to create the letters as she calls them out, "Gimme a
B!" "B!" the workers
answer. "Gimme an A!" "A!" "Gimme an
L!" "L!" "Gimme a K . . . " "All
right . . . okay, okay Mary Anne, thatís good, thatís good," Larry
interrupts, tapping his pencil on the counter, "Save it, save it, save it
for the rally." Mary Anne returns to the counter and sits down.
"Cousin, are all of these people going to stay to dinner?" Balki asks
worriedly, "Because I . . . I only made pig snout for four and you know how
hard it is to stretch snout." "Balki, theyíre not staying for
dinner," Larry explains, "These are your campaign working volunteers.
They believe in you. They love you!" Balki is touched and walks
over to an older woman, putting his hands on her shoulders. She hits him
in return and he pulls back. "Now, your job is just to be
yourself," Larry explains, "Just . . . be Balki! You think you
can handle that?" "Well, of course I can. Donít be
ridiculous," Balki replies, "Iíve got the vest, the accent and
twenty-six years of experience." "I knew you could do it,"
Cousin, Iím gonna need your advice," Balki says, "Youíve got to
tell me which vest do you think I should wear to the debate." Larry
looks shocked and asks, "What debate?" "Iíve been
challenged to a debate the day before the election," Balki explains
excitedly, "Isnít that great?" "No debate! No
debate!" Larry insists, "Debates are a big mistake."
"But Cousin, donít you think itís a good way to show the students how I
feel about the issues?" Balki asks. "Iíve got that
covered," Larry insists, "Donít worry about it. Have I told
you how good I am?" "Twice," Balki replies.
"Okay," Larry moves on, patting Balkiís arm. Larry then hands
Balki a piece of paper and says, "Now, tomorrow at ten oíclock youíll
be meeting with the football team. Youíll tell them how important you
think sports are to the schoolís image. Got it?" "Uh,
sports are good for schoolís image," Balki repeats, "Got it."
"Okay," Larry continues, handing Balki another paper, "Then at
ten thirty youíll be meeting with the science club. Youíll tell them
you think education is important and too much of the schoolís budget is spent
on sports. Got it?" "Too much on . . . on sports.
Got it," Balki replies.
"Okay," Larry presses on,
handing Balki another paper, "At noon youíll be meeting with the
fraternities. Youíll tell them you think entirely too
much time is being spent in the classroom and youíre pushing for a three day
weekend. Got it?" "Too much fraternity," Balki says,
getting overwhelmed as Larry hands him yet another paper. "Then at
three oíclock youíll be meeting with the Honor Society," Larry
explains, "Youíll tell them you think weíre here to study, not to
party, and youíre pushing for Saturday classes. Got it?"
"Okay, Cousin," Balki stops Larry, putting a hand over Larryís
mouth, "Small, small question from a simple Mypiot boy. This looks
like Iím just telling everyone what they want to hear."
"Welcome to politics," Larry smiles, placing a hand on the side of
Balkiís face, "I am so proud of you." Balki removes Larryís
hand and protest, "Now, Cousin, just hold on a moment. Are you asking
me to do something dishonest?" "B . . . but Balki, you . . . you
want to reinstate the language requirement, donít you?"
"Yes," Balki nods. "Well, to do that youíre going to have
to get elected Student Body President," Larry explains, "and I am the
man to help you do it."
I think I can make my position on all the issues clear at the debate,"
Balki suggests. "No debate!" Larry insists, "Forget the
debate! First rule of campaigning: do not debate!" Jennifer and
Mary Anne approach them and Jennifer says quietly, "Uh, Larry . . . I have
the results of the latest poll." Jennifer motions for Larry to follow
her to discuss it in private, but Larry announces to the room, "Attention!
Attention, everybody! We have the results of the latest poll."
Jennifer and Mary Anne motion for Larry to stop but itís too late.
"Go ahead, Jennifer. Give them the good news," Larry smiles.
"Cousin, I . . . " Balki tries to interrupt as Jennifer continues to
try to motion to Larry to stop, saying, "Uh, Larry, I think we should . . .
" " . . . I think youíre wrong about the debate," Balki
insists. "Balki, for the last time, no debate! No debate!"
He then turns to the girls and says, "Go ahead, Jennifer. Tell them
how far Balki is ahead." "Balki is trailing by fifteen
points," Jennifer announces. Larry turns to Balki and says,
"Youíre gonna have to debate your opponent." The scene fades
Act two begins with an establishing shot
of the apartment and the caption, "Two Days Later." Inside the
apartment we hear a commotion
going on inside Balkiís bedroom. Larry suddenly flies out of Balkiís
room as if heís been tossed aside. "Balki, for the last time, you
are not going to wear the traditional Myposian Election Hat!" Larry snarls.
"Oh, is that so, is that?" Balki calls from inside his room.
"Give it to me!" Larry insists. "No!" Balki yells.
"Give it to me!" "No!" "Give it to
me!" Larry yells even more firmly. A hat suddenly flies out of
Balkiís room and into Larryís hands. Larry holds up the odd-looking
hat and then opens the hall closet door and throws it inside, slamming the door
shut. A moment later Balki runs out in his bathrobe and rushes to the
closet door but Larry turns around and growls at him until Balki turns back
around and runs into his bedroom. Larry walks into the living room where
Jennifer and Mary Anne are setting up some chairs to face a podium set up on the
left side of the apartment. "Jennifer . . . Mary Anne . . . "
Larry says, "Balki is ready for the mock debate. Iíve groomed him,
Iíve prepared him . . . itís taken five years off my life." Larry
buries his face in his hand and cries.
Recovering, Larry steps next to the girls
and announces, "Ladies . . . here he is . . . the next Student Body
President of Chicago City College . . .
Balki Bartokomous." They all applaud. Balki walks out, wearing
a very sharp business suit. He looks somewhat uncomfortable.
"Oh, Balki, you look so handsome in that suit," Mary Anne comments.
"It needs a hat," Balki states. "It doesnít need a
hat," Larry growls. Balki steps behind the podium.
"Okay," Larry sighs, "Ladies, take your seats." The
girls sit down on the chairs facing the podium, which Balki leans across to
listen to Larry. "Now, Balki . . . remember . . . presentation is key
. . . " "Right," Balki nods. " . . . to winning
the debate. Okay?" "Right," Balki nods. Larry
is eyeing Balkiís posture and says, "All right? Okay? All
right?" while Balki continues to nod. "Well, what do we do to
improve our presentation?" Larry asks. "Um," Balki thinks,
then he remembers and stops leaning on the podium, answering, "Oh!
Oh! I donít rest my hands on the podium. It makes me look lazy.
And uh . . . " Balki starts fidgeting with his tie while thinking.
"Ah, ah, ah, ah," Larry scolds, trying to remind Balki.
"And, I . . . Oh! And I donít fidget with my tie. It,
uh . . . it makes me look, uh . . . nervous."
Larry nods and asks, "What
else?" Balki draws a blank and says, "Heck if I know."
Larry is about to lose his patience, looking skyward with
frustration. "Oh!" Balki remembers, "I never use the . . .
the phrase, ĎHeck if I know.í It makes me sound . . . it makes me
sound . . . chloroformed." "Uninformed," Larry corrects.
"Uninformed," Balki repeats, "Yeah." "Uninformed.
Okay," Larry says, "And . . . . ?" Larry puts on a huge
smile and throws his hands out in a radiating manner. Balki looks at
Larry, trying to remember, as Larry holds the pose. "Oh! Uh . .
. remember to smile," Balki says. "Okay, good. Good," Larry
sighs, "Good. All right. Here we go. Here we go."
Larry walks behind the girls and prompts, "All right, go ahead.
Jennifer, ask the first question." Balki starts to shake his body to
loosen up, then nods and motions for Jennifer to give him the question.
"Mr. Bartokomous?" Jennifer begins. "Uh huh?" Balki
asks. "What is your position on the financing of student loans?"
Jennifer asks. Balki thinks a moment then laughs a little and asks,
"Student loans?" After a moment he sighs, "Boy, I wish I
had a hat," and looks toward the closet.
Larry scolds. "Okay," Balki snaps straight, then starts to
loosen up again, "Okay . . . okay . . . okay . . . " "Ask
the question again," Larry tells Jennifer. "Mr. Bartokomous,"
Jennifer repeats, "What is your position on the financing of student
loans?" Balki goes through his answer in a stilted and rehearsed way.
"Jennifer, uh . . . uh, Iím glad you asked me that question, because the
financing of student loans, um . . . is . . . is an issue that deserves my
attention, and uh . . . and uh . . . let me assure you that my attention is what
it will receive in . . . in its complete and unabridged form. Uh, and . .
. and the financing of student loans is actually part of, uh . . . of my ten
point program for better schooling." Larry speaks these final words
along with Balki and then runs forward, saying, "Yes, Balki, you are doing
great!" "Oh!" Balki giggles, leaning against the podium
again. "Ah!" Larry catches him. Balki straightens and
fidgets with his tie, causing Larry to say "Ah!" again. Larry
then does the big smile thing again, leaving Balki looking flustered.
At the Chicago City College, the students
have gathered in a small auditorium for the debate. Balki is on the stage
and Larry is nearby. Jennifer
and Mary Anne enter and approach Larry. "Larry, I have to talk to
you," Jennifer says urgently, "I have something to tell you thatís
going to upset you." Larry gets a wild look of panic on his face and
gasps, "Youíve changed your mind. You . . . youíre not going to
marry me." "Thatís awful!" Mary Anne exclaims to
Jennifer, "You didnít tell me that!" Jennifer looks at Mary
Anne incredulously and reminds her, "Thatís not the bad news."
"Well, maybe not to you, but think of poor Larry," Mary Anne suggests.
Jennifer turns back to Larry and begins, "Larry, the bad . . . . "
She sees Larry still has a panicked look on his face. "Larry, itís
not about the marriage!" Jennifer assures him. "Oh!" Larry
sighs with relief, "Thank God." "The bad news is the
athletes found out about Balkiís plan to reinstate the language
requirement," Jennifer explains, "Theyíve switched their votes to
Balkiís opponent." "All right, I thought this might
happen," Larry says, "I gotta tell Balki." Larry leans over
and kisses Jennifer before running up on the stage. "Come on, Mary
Anne, we better take our seats," Jennifer suggests, and they go to sit down
in the front row. "You know, itís a good thing Larry has this
campaign to take his mind off the broken engagement," Mary Anne notes.
On stage, Larry stands next to Balki and
startles him when he begins, "Balki? The athletes have decided to
change their votes to your
opponent." "Well, people change their minds," Balki says
calmly, "Pigs, on the other hand, make one decision and stick with
it." Balki lets out a little pig grunt. "Balki, donít
you understand?" Larry asks, "If we donít get them to change their
votes back weíre going to lose the election. Now I have an easy fix.
All we have to do is lose the language thing and theyíll switch back to
us." "Cousin, wait a minute," Balki stops him, "Are
you . . . ? You know sometimes I think youíre just a few grapes shy of a
bunch. Have you been listening? I cannot lose the language thing.
Thatís the reason Iím running for President. I cannot give that
up." "Balki, your goal is to get elected," Larry explain,
"Tell them what they want to hear. Once youíre elected you can do
whatever you want." "Cousin, isnít that just a bit
dishonest?" Balki asks. "Itís the American way," Larry
insists. "But wonít the students mind?" Balki asks.
"Mind? They expect it!" Larry assures him. "Wait a
minute . . . " Balki begins.
The female moderator walks on to the stage
and addresses the audience. "Uh, preceding the debate there will be
an opening statement and a
short period of questions and answers by each candidate. Uh, Mr.
Bartokomous, weíre ready for your opening statement." Larry
continues to stand next to Balki, taking out the prepared speech to read along
as Balki speaks. Larry nods at Balki to begin and Balki and Balki motions
with his head for Larry to take a seat behind him. Larry finally gets the
idea and steps back to take a seat. "Uh, thank you, my fair
Chairlady," Balki offers the woman who introduced him, "faculty and my
worthy opponent and students. My name is Balki Bartokomous: of the
students, for the students, by the students." Balki absent-mindedly
leans on the podium, and Larry scolds sharply, "Ah!" Balki grabs
for his tie and gets another "Ah!" Then Larry does the smiling
thing. Balki smiles and Larry nods for him to continue. "Uh, if
elected, I promise to be firm yet flexible, tough yet vulnerable, soft yet
absorbent." Larry look confused as he tries to find this last comment
in the written speech. "I would like to establish a kinder, gentler
cafeteria," Balki continues. Everyone applauds.
moderator steps forward and says, "We will now open the floor to questions
for Mr. Bartokomous." Several hands go up in the audience.
Balki looks out and calls out, "Uh, yes . . . in the pink angora."
"My name is Lisa Morgan. Mr. Bar . . . " the student begins.
"Hi, Lisa!" Balki smiles. "Hi," she replies, then
continues, "Mr. Bartokomous, when you spoke in front of the Honorís
Society, you said you wanted to be the education President. But when you
spoke in front of the fraternities, you said education was overrated.
Where do you stand?" "Iím glad you . . . you asked that
question because . . . where I stand, uh . . . deserves my attention. And
I can assure you that where I stand will receive my attention in its complete
and unabridged form." "Good answer," Larry says, clapping.
"Um, wait a minute," Lisa says, "That doesnít seem to make any
sense to . . . " "Next question!" Larry calls out.
"Hey, I got a question!" a male athlete calls out, "What about
the rumor that you want us to take some dumb language before we graduate?"
glad you asked that question because I cannot lie to you," Balki says
sincerely, "Now . . . " "Uh, uh, yes," Larry stands up
and steps to Balki. When Balki continues to try to talk, Larry puts his
hand over Balkiís mouth. "Cousin! Cousin, just . . . "
"Uh, uh . . . Mr. Bartokomous cannot lie and he cannot stay. He has
another engagement." Larry takes his hand off Balkiís mouth and
Balki turns to put his hand over Larryís instead. "Which is why
Iím here to tell you that, uh, if elected . . . " "Cousin . .
. Cousin, please," Balki begs, "Please . . . I have to do this."
Larry sits down. Balki walks out from behind the podium to address the
audience, saying, "Listen, if youíre going to vote for me youíve got to
know who I am and what I really believe in. My name is Balki Bartokomous
and Iím a sheepherder from Mypos. And yes, if I am elected I do intend
to reinstate the language requirement." A majority of the students
begin to boo in response.
Back at the apartment after the election,
Balki and Larry enter. Larry looks depressed. "I lost, Balki,"
Larry sighs, "I lost big. You know, I wanted to win just
once." "Cousin, would you please stop this?" Balki
asks, "You did not lose. I lost. I lost. I
did. I lost the election." "Youíre right, Balki,"
Larry smiles, "Youíre the big loser." Balki smiles in return
and says, "And donít you forget it." They sit down on the
couch. "I . . . I canít believe youíre taking this so well,"
Larry remarks, "You lost." "But Cousin, I did not
lose," Balki explains, "I . . . I didnít get elected
President but I got what I wanted. My opponent thought that reinstating
the language requirement was a good idea and sheís gonna push for it."
"And that makes you happy?" Larry asks. "Happy?" Balki
asks, "Iím erratic!" Larry starts to slip into depression
again and cries, "Oh God!" "Oh goodness!" Balki sighs,
seeing it coming and getting up to go to the bookcase behind them. "I
lost again!" Larry cries. "Oh no," Balki sighs.
"Iíve lost thirteen student elections and the last one I wasnít even a
student!" Larry whines. "Okay," Balki says, getting a
Walkman and placing the headset over Larryís ears. "Oh God . . .
" "Okay, here we go . . . tape number one," Balki says, and
he leans over to turn on the cassette player. "I canít belie . . .
" Larry whines, then he suddenly snaps into the soothing message of the
tape, repeating, "My body is a hollow reed . . . trouble blows through me
like the wind." Larry imitates the sound of wind blowing through a
reed as the episode ends.
There are a few
differences between the shooting draft script dated January 30, 1991 and the
The opening scene began differently but ended up on the cutting room floor.
Balki is at his table working on the poster using stick-on letters. He
reaches up to scratch his head with a letter stuck to his hand. The letter
sticks to his head. It's the letter "B." Lydia enters and
crosses to pick up her mail. "Hi, Balki," she says.
"Hi, Miss Lydia," Balki answers. "Balki, there's a 'B' on
your head," Lydia points out. Balki panics and cries, "Get it
off. Get it off. I'm allergic." Balki starts running
around the room. Lydia chases him. "If it stings me, I'll swell
up like a tick on a sheepdog," Balki cries. Lydia catches him and
says, "No, Balki. The letter 'B.'" She takes the letter
off Balki's head and shows it to him. "Oh, a 'B'," Balki
realizes, "Thank you, Miss Lydia. I need that for my sign."
Balki puts the "B" on the sign, which you can see him doing in the
very first shot of the aired episode.
After Lydia first suggests that Balki
ask Larry to help him with his campaign, Balki asks her, "Would you hand me
those stars over there?" "Balki, maybe you should ask Larry to
help you," Lydia repeats. Balki then admits he hasn't told Larry he's
running. After Lydia suggests to Balki, "Why don't you ask him?"
Balki doesn't respond, so Lydia asks again. Balki replies, "Because
I'm sure if I ask him to help me with my campaign, he would help me with my
When Larry enters from the archives,
he says, "Hi, Balki. Oh, I see you're running for student body
president." Lydia, who is still standing my the elevator, says,
"You didn't hear it from me!" She then enters the elevator.
- The word "boinki" is not in this
script, it just says (SOMETHING MYPOSIAN).
- When Larry blows like the wind through the reed,
Balki puts up his collar to protect himself from a cold wind.
- Instead of complaining in Myposian, Balki cries,
"I knew it. Here it comes. Why did I think this time would be
different? I should never have brought the sign to work. I have only
myself to blame."
- After Balki notes, "You want in, don't you,
Cousin?" Larry cries, "Yes. Yes. More than anything I've
ever wanted in my entire life."
- The scene in the apartment opens with Larry
overseeing the campaign headquarter happenings. "Step it up,
people," he calls, "We have votes to buy -- win." A student
comes out of Larry's bedroom wearing a bass drum on his chest. He crosses
to Larry. "Alright, now, if they throw you out of the library again,
tell them you're exercising your freedom of speech," Larry asserts, and the
man with the drum then exits.
- After Larry points out how handsome Balki looks
on the poster, Balki says, "Cousin, can we send one home to Mama?"
"Later," Larry answers, then he takes Balki over to the girls in the
- Balki doesn't ask if all the campaign workers
will be staying for dinner. Instead, he asks, "Cousin, who are all
these people?" "They're all volunteers," Larry explains,
"They believe in you. They love you." "They love
me?" Balki asks. "And they're only costing us five dollars a day
plus mileage," Larry adds. Balki starts to hug one of the volunteers
but Larry pulls him away.
- After Larry finally concedes, "You're going
to have to debate your opponent," the scene continues. "I
thought the first rule of campaigning was 'Do not debate,'" Balki points
out. "It is," Larry agrees, "But the second rule of
campaigning is: When you're losing by fifteen points, forget the first
rule." Larry then says to the volunteers, "Who's going to be the
next student body president?" The volunteers cheer and chant, "Balki,
Balki, Balki . . . " "Hey, I wanted to lead the cheer,"
Mary Anne complains, and she begins again, "Give me a 'B'!"
- Balki does not say that using the term 'Heck if I
know' makes him sound chloroformed. He correctly says it makes him sound
- After Balki says he wishes he had a hat, Larry
says, "Balki, we've been over this. Ah, ah, smile. When you're
not sure about an issue you . . . " "Oh, I remember now,"
Balki says, "Ask me again." Jennifer repeats her question.
"I'm glad you . . . " "Name," Larry says.
"What?" Balki asks. "Name," Larry repeats.
"Balki," Balki answers. "Use her name," Larry reminds
him. "Jennifer Lyons, I'm glad you . . . " "First
name," Larry corrects. "Jennifer." "Ah, ah,
smile!" Larry beams. "Jennifer. What was the
question?" Jennifer repeats the question about the student loans.
"Heck if I know," Balki answers. "Wrong!" Larry
scolds. "Just kidding," Balki says. "Ah, ah,
smile!" Larry beams. Jennifer again repeats the question and this
time Balki gives the convoluted answer.
- The scene in the school auditorium also starts a
bit sooner. The script descibes Balki as being dressed like a conservative
politician; blue blazer, rep tie. "Are you nervous, Balki?"
Larry asks. "Nervous?" Balki asks, "You're looking at a
lean, mean, political machine." "Great," Larry says,
"Go practice proper podium posture." "Pleased to,
pal," Balki responds, and he walks up to one of the podiums.
- When the moderator first speaks, she says,
"If the candidates will take their places, we will begin the debate."
Larry straightens Balki tie and says, "Okay, this is it. Do you
remember everything?" "Hands off the podium. Don't play
with my tie. And smile. You know, the hat's in the car. I
could still run out and get it," Balki suggests. "Forget the
hat," Larry insists. Now the moderator makes the statement about the
opening statements and Q&A preceding the debate.
- When Lisa Morgan finishes her question by saying,
"Where do you stand?" Balki responds, "Where do I stand?
Right here. Can some of you not see me?" "Balki!"
Larry scolds. "Oh, right," Balki says, and he delves into his
- After the second student asks about having to
take some dumb language, Larry panics and says, "Next question!"
"Is it true or not?" the student demands to know. "I'm glad
. . . What's your name?" Balki asks. "Steve," the jock
answers. "Steve, I'm glad you asked me that question because I can't
lie to you," Balki continues. This is when Larry tries to interrupt.
- Balki takes off the jacket and tie to reveal the
real Balki in his Myposian vest when he steps forward and explains who his is
and how he plans to reinstate the language requirement.
- The last scene is the same.
on to the next episode . . .