Strangers Episode Guide
117 - A Catered Affair
First Air Date:
March 22, 1991
Nielsen Rating: 15.2 HH
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Tom Amundsen
Directed by: Judy Pioli
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne Spencer
Mary Pat Gleason: Betty
Alfred Dennis: Gunther
Newell Alexander: Billy Joe Bob
Noreen Reardon: The Cowgirl
Appearances: Dimitriís photo can be seen sitting on the bookshelf.
" . . . and theyíre gonna be wiggliní their yellow toes of Texas."
"Itís just kind of fun talking in a Texan drool."
" . . . most of me stopped growing when I was sixteen although I donít
think my nose got the message."
"Okay, okay, maybe Iíve let my belt out a couple of notches."
"Heís sort of my . . . tormentor."
"I hope Iím not breading myself too thin."
"Cherish the thought!"
"Now weíre up the creek without a poodle!"
"You think I have ESPN?"
"Cousin, we are running this kitchen like a well-soiled machine."
"Well, thank you. Now how was the food?"
"I guess itís true what they say: you canít separate the Texan from his
ridiculous: Said once in this episode (with a Texan accent)
used in this episode:
"Oh, go on with you!"
"Well, you got that right."
"Oh my Lord!"
"Well, I hope youíre happy."
"I have . . . " "Oh God!" " . . . a
Other running jokes
used in this episode:
Larry sniffs at the air
Balki laughs at his own joke
Jokes are made about Larryís height
Larry grabs Balki by the shirt
An Old Cowhand" - sung by Balki as he cooks western food in the kitchen
"The Merry Old Land of Oz" - sung with different lyrics while Balki
and Larry cook at Gormanís Banquet Hall
Larry also performs an impromptu square dance number
- The title of this episode comes from the title of a Paddy Chayefsky
television drama which was then adapted into a 1956 movie called The
When Balki hands Larry the bowl of chili to try, the spoon has a kri kri tassel
- Bunky McDermott, who had been mentioned in the
series before and appeared in the earlier season six episode, The Sunshine
Boys, is mentioned once again in this episode.
- When Larry tells the story about his friend who
wanted to sell ice cream and says that if heíd gone along with the idea it
would have been Baskin-Appletonís 31 Flavors is a reference to the popular
Baskin-Robbins ice cream franchise. Larryís story falls apart, though,
when you realize that the founders, Burton "Burt" Baskin and Irving
"Irv" Robbins founded their ice cream empire way back in the late
- Balki had been cooking throughout the series,
from as far back as the second episode. It really seemed as if this was
culminating into a future business, brought to fruition with him running his own
catering business. But while Balki continued to cook past this episode,
never again was it mentioned as a professional sideline. Maybe this
experience with catering put him off working in the food industry forever!
As Cousin ThePepper on YouTube pointed out, when Larry is taking the message
from Mr. Gorman you can see The Jimi Hendrix Experience album, Axis: Bold as
Love sitting on the bookshelf (oddly enough, laying on its side with the
opening down). Who would have figured Larry as a Hendrix fan? Or
perhaps itís Balkiís album?
- Balki mentions that there is a Garfield stuck to
the window of his car. Back in the fourth season episode, Car Wars,
Balki was admiring a red car in the parking garage and one of the features he
notes was that there was a Garfield stuck to the window. Looks like Balki
finally got his Garfield!
- Balki and Larry sing a version of "In the
Merry Old Land of Oz" in this episode while preparing food at Gormanís
Banquet Hall. There were
many references to The Wizard of Oz throughout the series, most likely
because Bronson is a huge fan of the movie.
- When Balki says Gunther is experiencing fahrvergnŁgen
itís a reference to the 1989 Volkswagen advertising campaign in which the term
meant "driving enjoyment."
- Mary Pat Gleason, who played Betty in this
episode, has enjoyed a very long career in film and television. She worked
as a writer on the soap opera, The Guiding Light, and has made
appearances in countless television series, including Full House, Mamaís
Family, Murphy Brown, Quantum Leap, Highway to Heaven, Life Goes On, Whoís the
Boss?, Night Court, Saved By the Bell, In the Heat of the Night, Murder, She
Wrote, Coach, Friends, Step by Step, ER, Daveís World, Suddenly Susan, Will
& Grace, Sex and the City,
General Hospital, Nip/Tuck, Desperate Housewives, and a recurring role in The
Middleman. Her many film appearances include Defending Your Life,
Soapdish, Basic Instinct, Lorenzoís Oil, A Walk in the Clouds, Traffic and
Bottle Shock. You can visit her official website and find out more
about her one-woman show about coping with bipolar disorder, Stopping Traffic,
by clicking here.
- Alfred Dennis, who played Gunther, also has had a
very long and successful career in television and film, appearing in The
Monkees, Batman, I Dream of Jeannie, Get Smart, It Takes a Thief, The Bill Cosby
Show, The Flying Nun, Nanny and the Professor, Kojak, The Rockford Files,
Fantasy Island, Cagney & Lacey, Simon & Simon, Knots Landing, L.A. Law,
The A-Team, The Golden
Girls, Whoís the Boss?, Murphy Brown, Suddenly Susan, Caroline in the City,
Party of Five, Touched by an Angel, Monk, Judging Amy, Gilmore Girls and Reba.
He also had a recurring role as Miller on Life Goes On and as Justice
Bernstein in The Court.
- Newell Alexander, who played Billy Joe Bob in
this episode, would return as the voice of newscaster Ken Wiley in the series
finale, Up, Up and Away - Part Two. His long list of credits
include appearances on ChiPs, Battlestar Galactica, Too Close for Comfort,
Little House on the Prairie, Designing Women, Quantum Leap, Dallas, Evening
Shade, Murder, She Wrote, Walker, Texas Ranger, Team Knight Rider, Chicago Hope,
Charmed, Judging Amy, Days of Our Lives, and a recurring role on Sordid
Lives: The Series. He
has also worked extensively in voice over acting for film and television and
co-founded the ADR (additional dialogue recording) group The L.A. MadDogs. You
can visit his and his wifeís official website, Prank Productions, by clicking here.
- Noreen Reardon, who appeared briefly as The
Cowgirl that hit on Larry, has also done work in voice over acting, for such
films as What About Bob?, Scream, Election, South Park: Bigger, Longer &
Uncut, Night at the Museum, Lilo and Stitch and Happy Feet. She
also appeared in episodes of Riptide, Full House, Homefront and the Days
of Our Lives 35th Anniversary.
When Larry comments on how many jobs Balki has had in five weeks and
Balki says he could have had a sixth, look closely at Larry's shirt. The
wet patches are not as dark as they appear in the other parts of the scene.
Also the sky outside seems much lighter during that small exchange of dialogue.
And the spoon with the tassel is not in exactly the same place. This is
because these two lines of dialogue were refilmed as a pickup after the episode Great
Balls of Fire was filmed.
- When we see the outside of Gorman's Banquet Hall, it's clear the valet
and cars are completely separate footage from Gormanís Banquet Hall overhang,
since they are moving independently of each other.
- Melanie removes her cowboy hat completely before
putting on the German hat, but Rebeca simply pushed hers back off her head so it
is still behind her when they serve the Germans. Weíre not sure which
way it was actually supposed to be done.
- As Jennifer and Mary Anne run into the kitchen
after gathering plates from the Texan party, you can see Gunther through the
window of the door leading to the German party. Obviously the actor is
waiting for a cue and isnít supposed to be in the shot, because a second later
he ducks down out of sight!
The episode begins in the apartment. Balki is in the kitchen cooking. He
is wearing a western-style outfit complete with boots, blue jeans, a
fringed shirt and a cowboy hat. As he cooks, he sings in a Texas accent,
"Iím an old cowhand from the Mypos land and I learned to ride Ďfore I
learned to stand . . . " Larry walks out of the bedroom and stops by
the counter, saying, "Balki, Iíll see you later. Jennifer and I are
going to a movie." Larry is about to leave when he stops and sniffs
at the air. "Whatís that smell?" Larry asks. "Iím
glad ya asked," Balki says, still talking with a western accent as he dips
a ladle of chili from a large pot on the stove and puts it in a bowl which he
hands to Larry, "Thatís my rootiní, tootiní, high falootiní Texas
chili. Yee-haw! Iím making it for the western barbecue Iím
cateriní for this Saturday night at Gormanís Banquet Hall." Balki
spins the ladle around on his finger as if he were twirling a gun, then points
it and "shoots," adding a "ching" sound as he pretends to
watch the flight of the bullet.
"Good for you, Balki," Larry
says, "Theyíre gonna enjoy chili." Larry takes a spoonful of
chili and tastes it. "Mmm," he smiles, then he reacts to
the spiciness and gasps, "Hot! Hot! Hot!" Balki
hurries to the sink and returns with a seltzer water bottle, which he sprays at
Larryís mouth. Unfortunately he sprays Larryís whole face and gets
most of Larryís upper body soaked as well. "Nice shot," Larry
says sarcastically. "Thank you, partner," Balki replies, blowing
on the nozzle of the seltzer bottle as one would a gun they just fired.
Balki sets the bottle back in the sink and throws Larry a towel.
"Well, who are you cooking for?" Larry asks as he wipes himself off.
"Well, uh . . . a herd uh Texans have mosied on up here to Chicaguh,"
Balki explains, still using the western accent, "Theyíre uh gettiní
together for some big wingding Saturday night at Gormanís Banquet Hall and
theyíre gonna be wiggliní their yellow toes oí Texas." Balki
laughs at his own joke. "You know, I . . . I never thought Iíd say
this but . . . could you talk the way you usually do?" Larry asks.
"Well, of course I can. Donít be rye-diculous!" Balki says in
the Texan accent.
"Balki . . . " Larry urges.
"Okay, okay," Balki sighs, "Itís just kind of fun talking in a
Texan drool." "Drawl," Larry corrects, "Texas drawl.
Balki, your . . . your catering business is really taking off. I mean,
what is this . . . your fifth job in five weeks?" "Well, I could
have had a sixth but with all the overtime Iím doing at the newspaper I
didnít want to do two jobs on the same night," Balki smiles.
"Well, why not?" Larry asks, "Balki, if . . . if you want your
business to succeed youíve gotta grow." "Well, I donít know,
Cousin," Balki sighs, "I . . . most of me stopped growing when I was
sixteen although I donít think my nose got the message." "No,
Balki, I . . . Iím talking about expansion," Larry explains.
"Okay, okay," Balki says in a hurt tone, "Maybe Iíve let my
belt out a couple of notches. No reason to get personal, Shorty."
"No, Balki, wh . . . what Iím saying is . . . is if you want your
catering business to succeed you gotta start taking more jobs," Larry
explains. "Oh, well I . . . you know, Iím just starting out,"
Balki says, "I want to go slow." "Well, Balki, youíve got
to seize the opportunity when it presents itself," Larry states, "Uh,
if I may use an example from my own life . . . " "Iíll put on
some coffee," Balki says, starting to turn away.
Larry stops him and says, "No, no, no
. . . no, no. No, this . . . this one is short." "Is it
shorter than your Bunky McDermott story?" Balki asks. "Yes,
itís shorter than my Bunky McDermott story," Larry assures him.
"Probably a little longer than your Grandmama Appleton story," Balki
guesses. "Yes, itís . . . itís a little longer than my Grandmama
Appleton story," Larry confirms. "Okay, so itís approximately
between the Bunky McDermott story and the Grandmama Appleton narrative . . .
" Balki continues. "Yes, yes, right," Larry nods, then he
interrupts with, "All right, Balki, if youíd let me tell the story Iíd
be done by now." "Okay, okay, tell the story," Balki
insists, "Whoís stopping you?" "Uh, when I was eight . .
. " Larry begins. "Should I sit down for this?" Balki asks.
"When I was eight," Larry begins again, "uh, my friend and I had
this . . . this little, uh . . . lemonade stand. And, uh, my friend
suggested that we expand and sell ice cream cones. And I said, uh, ĎNo,
no, letís . . . letís take it slow, weíre not ready.í And uh, he
went off and sold ice cream cones. And if Iíd listened to him, uh . . .
today it would have been Baskin-Appletonís 31 Flavors." "Well,
thatís a very nice story, Cousin," Balki nods, "And it explains why
regret eats up so much of your day. But, uh, Cousin, when Iím ready for
more work Iíll let you know."
Balki switches back to the Texan accent
and says, "Now if youíll excuse me, partner, I gotta hightail it down to
the general store and rustle up some fixinís for my Myposian western
grub." Balki heads for the door then stops and adds in his regular
accent, "We use real grubs, you
know." Balki heads for the door again, pounding on his chest to
imitate horse hoofs running then stopping at the door and letting out air
through his lips like a horse before leaving. Larry starts to walk away
from the counter when the phone rings. He turns and picks up the receiver.
"Hello? Mr. Gorman. Oh, Mr. Gorman of . . . of Gormanís
Banquet Hall. Yeah, well . . . Iím sorry, uh . . . Balki just rode out .
. . uh, went out. Oh, uh . . . you . . . you want him to cater a . . .
another party on Saturday? Well, whoís it for? The Calorie
Counters Club. Well . . . yeah, I . . . I think he could handle that.
Yeah, well, all right . . . let me take down the information." Larry
takes a pad by the phone and a pencil and starts to write as he listens.
"Uh, all right . . . go ahead. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh.
Uh huh. Okay, now . . . now thatís, uh, low salt, low fat, low calorie.
I got it. Yeah, Iíll make sure Balki gets the information. Yeah.
No, thank you. Bye bye." Larry hangs up the phone and looks at
the pad, which he then sets in front of the phone. "He is gonna thank
me for this," Larry smiles, and he walks away.
time later, Balki returns to the apartment from the store and enters with his
arms full of groceries. The phone is ringing and Balki is trying to get
inside quickly, dropping groceries from the bags as he struggles with the door.
"Donít hang up . . . donít hang up . . . " Balki urges as he
closes the door and kicks the fallen items toward the kitchen, still saying,
"Donít hang up." Balki reaches the counter but canít grab
the phone and hold the grocery bags at the same time, so he runs around to set
the bags down inside the kitchen. Finally he throws the last bag and his
cowboy hat aside and picks up the phone receiver. "Hello . . .
Bartokomous / Appleton residence. How may I direct your call? Why
yes, this is the Balki Bartokomous who caters parties for Gormanís Banquet
Hall. Oh, go with you! I am not the best caterer in Chicago!
Oh, no Iím not! Oh, no Iím not!"
starts pushing at the phone the way he pushes at Larry when they are arguing in
a similar fashion. "Oh, no Iím not! I . . . okay, okay . . .
maybe Iím in the top three. Um . . . uh . . . how can I help you?"
Balki listens and responds, "A German party? For Saturday?
Well, eh . . . let me tell you, Gunther . . . you see, I already have a job for
Saturday and I try never to take two jobs on the same night . . . .
Really? Well, uh . . . thatís what Cousin Larry says. Cousin
Larry. Well, heís my . . . my . . . my best friend and advisor.
Heís, uh . . . heís sort of my . . . tormentor. Well, maybe I could
take two jobs on the same night. Well . . . well, okay. I would love
to cater your party. Danke schoen . . . thank you for all the love and
pain. Um . . . let . . . let me just get something to write on."
Balki takes the pad that Larry left sitting in front of the phone and turns the
page without looking at it to start writing on the next page. "Okay .
. . okay, shoot!" Balki starts writing down the information.
Saturday night at Gormanís Banquet Hall,
we see a valet outside the front door as a car stops. Inside the
facilityís kitchen, Balki is sawing
apart ribs in preparation for the Texan barbecue. Larry brings over a
stack of plates as Balki sighs, "Oh Cousin, I hope I did the right thing
taking two catering jobs on one night. I hope Iím not breading myself
too thin." "Oh, Balki, relax," Larry urges,
"Everything is fine. Weíve got all the food unpacked, easy access
to the two banquet rooms . . . everything is perfect. Iíll help in the
kitchen and Jennifer and Mary Anne will serve." Jennifer and Mary
Anne enter, carrying a pan and a pot of food. They are dressed in frilly
serving outfits with aprons. "Yeah, this is gonna be fun," Mary
Anne smiles, "I was a waitress in high school but itís been a long time
since Iíve served people food and drinks." "Mary Anne,
you do that every day," Jennifer reminds her, "Youíre a
stewardess." "Oh, right!" Mary Anne remembers.
"Uh, why donít we put out the silverware?" Jennifer suggests.
She looks around and asks, "Um, whereís the silverware?"
"Oh, okay, the silverware is in the car," Balki explains, "Uh,
the forks and knives are in the glove compartment and the spoons are in the back
next to the Garfield stuck on the window." Balki makes a face like a
"Well, you see, you have everything
under control," Larry points out, "I knew you could do it."
"Come on, Mary Anne, letís get the silverware,"
Jennifer says, and the girls leave. Larry walks over to the pot on the
stove and lifts the lid to look inside, commenting, "Balki, the food for
the Texas barbecue smells delicious." "Oh, thank you,"
Balki smiles. "So what are you making for the second party?"
Larry asks. "German food," Balki answers. "German
food?" Larry asks with confusion. "Uh huh," Balki confirms.
"Well, isnít German food a little rich and heavy for Calorie
Counters?" Larry asks. "Oh boy, you got that right!" Balki
agrees, "The sauces alone would pack on the pounds. I would never
serve German food to Calorie Counters. Ha! Cherish the
thought!" "Good. So weíre in agreement," Larry
checks. "Well, you got that right," Balki confirms.
"So what are you really serving to the second party?" Larry asks.
"Um, wiener schnitzel and sauerbraten with goatwurst patť."
"Wiener schnitzel, sauerbraten with goatwurst patť?" Larry repeats
worriedly, "Isnít that high in calories?"
to mention loaded with cholesterol," Balki adds. "Then why are
you serving it to Calorie Counters?" Larry asks. "Cousin, Iím
not serving it to Calorie Counters, Iím serving it to Germans," Balki
says, "Havenít you been paying attention?" "W . . . w . .
. w . . . w . . . wait," Larry stops Balki before he can take the ribs to
the oven, "L . . . letís concentrate for . . . for just a minute here.
Party number one is . . . " "Texans," they both say,
pointing to the dining room to their left. "Party number two is . . .
" "Germans," Balki says, pointing to the room behind them.
"Calorie Counters," Larry answers at the same time, pointing to the
room to their right. They both repeat their answers, pointing to the same
rooms. Then it clicks, and Balki asks, "Calorie Counters?" as he
points to Larryís room as Larry asks, "Germans?" and points to
Balkiís room. They each run to the door the other one pointed out and
look through them, hearing the sounds from the German party and the Calorie
Counters meeting. They hurry back to the middle of the kitchen and both
exclaim simultaneously, "Oh my Lord!" The scene fades to black.
two begins where act one left off. "Well, I hope youíre
happy," Balki scolds, "Now weíre up the creek without a poodle!
How could you book a party for me without telling me?" "I left
you a note!" Larry insists, "You said you were catering a second
party. How was I to know it wasnít the party I booked for you?"
"Well, I didnít see your note," Balki cries, "How am I supposed
to know you leave me a note? You think I have ESPN?" Jennifer
and Mary Anne enter carrying a tray. "Okay, we have the silverware.
Everythingís ready," Jennifer smiles. "Everythingís ready
for two parties but unfortunately we have three," Balki informs the girls,
"Cousin Larry booked another party for me without telling me."
"Larry!" Jennifer scolds. "Well, donít worry," Larry
says, "I have . . . " "Oh God!" Balki, Jennifer and
Mary Anne sigh. " . . . a plan!" Larry finishes, "Weíll
just cut down on the portions and serve all three parties using the food for
two." "Cousin, we cannot give the Calorie Counters this
food," Balki points out, "It wouldnít be good for their diets."
so we serve them some food with a little salt and a little fat," Larry
sighs, "Have you seen them? What difference will one meal make?"
A man wearing a western-style outfit and cowboy hat steps into the kitchen from
the Texas barbecue party. "Balki!" he exclaims, "You got a
bunch Ďo hungry cowpokes and cowgals in there just ready to chow down."
"Well, Billy Joe Bob, donít you go gettiní yer chaps in a bunch,"
Balki says in his Texan accent, "The grubs are on their way!"
Balki laughs along with Billy Joe Bob, who throws a friendly punch at Balkiís
shoulder and knocks him back against Larry and the girls. Balki steps
forward again, only to have Billy Joe Bob yell, "Yee haw!" at him and
make him fall back again against everyone. Billy Joe Bob leaves the
kitchen. "Weíll serve the Texans first," Larry decides,
"Whereís the costumes?" "Oh, girls, your hats are right
under there, under the counter," Balki says, pointing under the counter
where theyíre working. Jennifer and Mary Anne go to retrieve the red
cowboy hats and put them on. Larry pulls out a bunch of plates for Balki
right, remember, Balki, small portions," Larry says.
"Okay," Balki says as he puts food on the plates. Larry hands
the plates to Jennifer and Mary Anne. Balki then starts tossing segments
of corn on the cob over his shoulder to Larry, who catches them and places one
on each plate. Balki continues to throw the corn cobs even after the
plates are fulls. "Balki!" Larry calls trying to get Balkiís
attention, "Balki!" Balki keeps throwing the cobs so Larry
finally grabs Balki by the shirt and says, "Stop!" The girls
take the plates into the Texan party. "All right, weíll serve the
Germans next," Larry says. "Okay, well what about the Calorie
Counters?" Balki asks. "All right, weíll . . . weíll . . .
weíll drain the juice from the sauerkraut and serve it to the Calorie
Counters," Larry suggests, "Weíll tell them itís a new low-cal
vegetable cocktail." "Oh . . . okay, Cousin, weíll try
it," Balki says without confidence, "Weíll try it your way.
Because surely out of three-hundred and forty-seven plans youíve had . . . one
should work." Larry looks offended.
time later, Balki and Larry are singing as they prepare some plates of food for
the German party. The song they sing is to the tune of "The Merry Old
Land of Oz." "Bratwurst here," Balki sings as he puts a
bratwurst on Larryís plate. "Goatwurst there," Larry sings as
he places a goatwurst on Balkiís plate. "And a schnitzel on the
side," the both sing as they place schnitzels on their own plates through
interlocking arms, "Thatís what the Germans eat tonight and we serve it
up with pride." "We can serve the second course without a
lapse," Balki sings. "Can we even do the strudel und the
schnapps?" Larry sings. "Uh huh!" Balki responds, and they
both sing, "Clever young chaps!" Balki places parsley on the
plates as they sing, "Parsley here, garnish there."
"ĎCause presentationís all," Balki sings as he puts a sprig of
parsley in Larryís mouth, which Larry spits out. They finish together,
"Thatís how we laugh the night away for the cowboys, Germans, Calorie
Counters Gormanís Banquet Hall."
They continue to dance and laugh when the
door to the Texans party opens and Jennifer enters with Mary Anne, pulling her
behind with a rope
that is lassoed around Mary Anneís waist. "Thanks, Jennifer,"
Mary Anne sighs as she removes the lasso, "I got away just in time."
"All right, time to feed the Germans," Larry says.
"Okay," Balki says. "Oh!" Jennifer and Mary Anne say
as they remember to remove their cowboy hats and reach under the counter to get
out the next hats. "Now remember, Balki, go easy on the sauerkraut
and the wiener schnitzel," Larry reminds him. "Okay," Balki
says. The girls take German style hats and put them on, then unroll two
long, fake blonde braids from the hats to hang down so they look like German
girls. Larry hands them the full plates. "Okay, now this time
letís not get separated," Jennifer suggests and they exit into the German
party. "Cousin, we are running this kitchen like a well-soiled
machine," Balki observes. A heavy-set woman named Betty enters from
the Calorie Counters meeting and approaches them timidly. "Excuse
me," she whispers, then she moves closer, repeating, "Excuse me."
When Balki and Larry donít respond she shouts, "Excuse me!" causing
them to jump.
"We Calorie Counters are getting
quite hungry," Betty explains, "Weíve finished with our Tart and
Tangy Tropical Nectar . . . it was very good but it tasted a lot like sauerkraut
juice. When do we eat?" "Soon! Soon!" Larry
promises, escorting her to the door, "Very soon!" As Betty
passes a tray of cornbread she stops and picks up a piece, gasping,
"Oh!" Balki slaps her hand, causing her to toss the bread up as
Balki catches it. "Uh, remember," Larry says as they stop by the
door, "one of the tricks to losing weight is to eat slowly."
"Well, please hurry," Betty urges, "Some of us havenít eaten
since lunch!" She exits back to the meeting. Jennifer and Mary
Anne enter the kitchen, followed by an older man in a German outfit.
"Balki, my little freund!" the man exclaims as he hugs Balki and
lavishes praise on him in German, including, "Wunderschoen" and "Ausgezeichnet."
"Oh Cousin," Balki says, "Uh, Gunther seems happy. I think
. . . I think heís experiencing fahrvergnŁgen." "Ja,
fahrvergnŁgen," Gunter laughs as he walks over and hugs Larry as well,
saying, "Ja, und the party is wunderbar. Und the food, wunderbar.
Now we are ready for more food . . . und more frauleins!" Gunther
pinches Jenniferís behind, causing her to jump and gasp. "Va va va
voom!" Gunther smiles, then he leaves, calling behind him, "Auf
"All right, Mary Anne, Jennifer . . .
take care of the Germans," Larry says. "Stay away from the guy
with the pointed helmet," Jennifer warns
Mary Anne, and they carrying more plates of food into the German party.
"Well, Balki, all we have to do is serve the Calorie Counters, then weíre
home free," Larry says, "My plan is working beautifully."
Balki starts to look around them with concern, then informs Larry, "Cousin,
thereís just one itsy-bitsy little problem with your plan."
"Whatís that?" Larry asks. "I only rented enough plates
and silverware for two parties," Balki says, "We donít have nothing
to serve the Calorie Counters on. Oh, catering is so much easier on Mypos.
You just toss the salad and everyone runs under it." "Well,
Balki, we can handle this," Larry says, "Weíll just get the plates
back from the Texans, wash them and serve the Calorie Counters. This is
gonna be easy!" Larry pulls Balki along and they enter the Texan
barbecue party. There is a stage set up with a band, although they are not
playing when they enter. Larry motions to the different tables and he and
Balki head out to try to get some of the plates.
As Balki passes Billy Joe Bobís table,
the man lassos him and pulls him back. Larry hurries over to them.
"Balki! Ha ha!" Billy Joe Bob laughs,
"These are some fine vittles you conjured up for us."
"Well, thank you," Balki says, "Now how was the food?"
"Balki, he loves the food," Larry explains. "Oh good,"
Balki smiles as he removes the lasso. "Yee haw!" Billy Joe Bob
shouts, causing Balki to jump a mile. "All right, Balki, the
plates," Larry says urgently, "Get the plates!"
"Okay!" Balki says, and he runs to another table. Larry
approaches a table and asks a Cowgirl, "Uh, excuse me. Uh . . . are
you done with the ribs?" "Yeah!" the Cowgirl says as she
gets up and steps closer to Larry, "And Iím ready to start on your
buns!" She cozies up to him. "Oh!" Larry gasps
uncomfortably, "Ooh, uh, oh . . . well, maybe later." At another
table, Balki is pulling on a manís plate as he hangs on to it.
"Give me that steak before I get ugly!" Balki shouts before he is
pushed away from the table by some men. Balki stumbles back against a
woman at another table and then turns to a man at the table who is eating.
"Now you didnít eat all your beans," Balki scolds, "Donít you
want to be a member of the Clean Plate Club?"
The man stands up, revealing that he is
gigantic. Billy Joe Bob runs over and warns, "Balki . . . I
wouldnít be tryiní to take food away from
Bubba. Heíll rip your heart out through your back pocket."
Balki picks up Bubbaís fork and hands it to him, saying, "Much obliged,
Mr. . . . Mr. Bubba, sir. Uh, you know, um . . . back on Mypos I knew a
Bubba who was about your size. Of course, he had hooves." Billy
Joe Bob urges Balki to move away, and Balki meets Larry in the middle of the
room. "Balki, I canít get the plates away from these people,"
Larry sighs. "Neither can I," Balki reports, "I guess
itís true what they say: you canít separate the Texan from his ribs.
Cousin, if we cannot get the plates away, how are we going to serve the Calorie
Counters?" "All right, we . . . weíll just let the Texans
finish eating and then weíll feed the Calorie Counters," Larry says,
"They wonít starve to death if they have to wait another few
minutes." Larry and Balki return to the kitchen just as Jennifer and
Mary Anne enter. Theyíre all met with the sight of Betty holding back a
mob of heavy people trying to break through from the Calorie Counters meeting
room doors into the kitchen.
weíre not fed immediately, they say theyíll take hostages," Betty
warns. Larry urges Balki and the girls to hurry into the Texan barbecue
room. "Okay, weíve got to find some way to get them away from the
tables so we can get their plates," Larry says. "Cousin, are you
thinking what Iím thinking?" Balki asks, "A game of Twister?"
"Wait, Iíve got it!" Larry exclaims, "Iíve got it!"
Larry runs into the middle of the room and calls, "All right, attention!
Everybody! Youíre attention . . . all right . . . " Larry
runs up onto the stage and stands amongst the musicians and speaks into the
microphone. "Youíre attention, please! Itís time for a
square dance!" Larry starts to clap out a rhythm and tap his foot but
the musicians just stare at him. "Here we go!" Larry keeps
trying, "Time to dosey-do!" Everyone just stares at Larry as if
heís crazy. "Time to yippi-i-o-ki-yay!" Larry continues,
"Keep them doggies rolliní." Finally Larry stops and motions
the band, asking, "Please?" The band members shrug and start
playing a square dance tune. "Time for a dance, if youíre able!
Get up off your chairs and leave your table!" Larry calls.
A number of people get up and gather in a
circle to start a square dance. "Grab your girl, before itís too
late. Kick up your heels and leave
your plate!" Larry calls, motioning to Balki and the girls to start
gathering the plates. Balki starts out to get the plates but is grabbed by
one woman who starts swinging him around in the dance. "Skip to the
left and girl to the right, walk her in a circle and hold her tight!" Larry
calls. Balki is completely caught up within the dancers now and keeps
trying to break free to get to the plates on the tables. "Strum that
guitar and pluck that fiddle, take two steps out and run to the middle,"
Larry calls. Jennifer and Mary Anne are able to get some of the plates
from the tables. Balki is tossed out of the dance to the side where he is
caught by Bubba and thrown back into the middle of the dance. "Swing
your partner round and round, any way you can Ďcept upside down," Larry
calls, "Allemande left and swing your dates, while the Mypiot collects your
plates!" Balki finally breaks free of the dance and runs to the
tables, distracting the few people still sitting by pointing away and then
dumping food from the plates and running away with them.
Balki meets the girls at the door to the
kitchen and motions for them to go on inside. The girls carry their plates
in and see Betty still holding
back the mob of Calorie Counters who are shouting, "We want food! We
want food!" "Youíd better hurry up!" Betty cries,
"Theyíre using Bertha as a battering ram!" Back in the Texan
party, Larry is in the middle of another call. " . . . swing, and in
and out with the pretty little thing." Balki has gathered a large
stack of plates, trying to get back through the party to the kitchen.
"If youíre hungry and want another Ďtater, give your plate to Balki,
heíll bring it back later," Larry calls. Balki manages to grab the
plate from in front of another man and moves away. "Swing your
partner Ďcross the floor, donít let go Ďtil youíre out the door,"
Larry calls. Balki grabs Billy Joe Bobís plate and makes a run for the
kitchen doors. At that moment Mary Anne pushes on the door, which flies
open and hits Balki, knocking the plates from his arms and throwing him back to
land, face first, against a large cactus.
screams out in pain as the action in the room stops. All eyes are on Balki
as he slowly pulls each hand away from the cactus and then his face. Balki
stumbles back and heads for the kitchen when Betty throws open the door, hitting
Balki and knocking him backwards into the cactus again. Balki screams with
pain and then pulls his bottom free from the cactus. Balki holds out his
arms and walks to Mary Anne for comfort. Betty, who was knocked back into
the kitchen when the door hit Balki, enters the room followed by the other
ravenous Calorie Counters. "Food!" she exclaims, and they all
rush into the room. A moment later Gunther and the Germans enter through
the kitchen as well. Gunther shouts, "Wunderbar! Letís
party!" The band starts up the square dance number again as everyone
starts to dance, including Balki and Mary Anne. "Calorie Counters
grab a German, squeeze Ďem tight and feel Ďem squirminí!" Larry calls
Later that night, Mary Anne, Jennifer,
Larry and Balki are cleaning dishes and pans in the banquet hall kitchen.
"Well, e . . . everything seemed
to turn out all right," Larry notes. No one responds.
"Everybody got fed," Larry points out. The other continue
cleaning without saying a word. "I . . . I liked the music,"
Larry adds. Still no response. "Didnít you?" Larry asks.
Nothing. "Good food, good friends, good fun," Larry smiles.
Nothing. "Okay, okay," Larry sighs, "Maybe Iím . . .
Iím . . . partially to blame for what happened tonight." The others
give Larry a look of disbelief. "Mostly to blame," Larry amends.
He still gets a look. "All right, it was totally my fault,"
Larry admits, "I . . . I . . . I shouldnít have butted in to Balkiís
business. I . . . I . . . I shouldnít have pushed him before he was
ready." The others continue to clean dishes. Larry smiles again
slyly and says, "But you know . . . when you all get a chance to think
about what happened . . . I think youíre gonna thank me for what I did
tonight." Mary Anne, Jennifer and Balki each drop what they are
cleaning and pick up a seltzer bottle, spraying Larry with them.
on to the next episode . . .