Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 120 - See You in September

First Air Date: May 3, 1991
Filming Date: March 21, 1991
Nielsen Rating: 11.2 HH

TV Guide Description: Setting a June wedding date does little to calm the fears of Larry and Jennifer, who agree to take Balki's Myposian wedding test to determine their compatability.

Co-Producer: Alan Plotkin
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Paula A. Roth
Directed by: Judy Pioli

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne Spencer

seeyougrab02.jpg (50979 bytes)Dimitri Appearances: Dimitriís photo can be seen sitting on the bookshelf.

Balki-isms:
"I want to preserve this moment for posteriors."
"Does the word Ďsix phases of the mooní mean anything to you?"
"Or do you want to just keep getting out there and sowing your mild goats?"
"I know you like I know my way to the bathroom."
"Listen, this test can determine whether or not a marriage should take place beyond a shadow of a snout."
"Sooner or later youíre going to have to mate or cut bait."
"I beg to back issue with you!"

Donít be ridiculous: Not said in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"What are you talking about?" (spoken by Larry)
"Oh God!"
"That is correct."

Other running jokes used in this episode:
This episode includes a cute reversal of a long-time joke in which Balki makes reference to something sexual and Larry laughs along as if he understands, then asks, "What are you talking about?"
Larry laughs his schmuck laugh

Notable Moment: Larry and Jennifer set the date (just the month) of their wedding

Songs: "The Wedding March" - sung without words by Mary Anne as Balki is handing Jennifer a piece of cake

Myposian Rituals:
-
Six Phases of the Moon, when an engaged Myposian couple set the date of their wedding
- The Nupitki-SATiki, or the Myposian Marriage Test
- The Nupitiki Spic Ďn Spanakopita - the Myposian Marriage Cleansing Ceremony (although, to be honest, Balki really just made this part up)

Interesting facts:
-
The title, See You in September, was taken from a song by The Tempos in 1959.  A cover of the tune was later recorded in 1966 by The Happenings and has became the more popular version of the two.
- In this episode Balki claims to be a Myposian marriage counselor.  In a previous episode, he mentioned that he was a Myposian matchmaker.  Apparently the Bartokomous family makes a good side-business out of helping people with their love lives!
- The rituals in this episode have some very clever names.  The Nuptiki at the beginning of each refers to nuptials, which refer to weddings or wedding vows.  The SATiki, which is the name for the test, makes reference to SATs, which are the college entrance exams taken by many high school students.  The term Doctor Ruthiki for marriage counselor is a pun on the famous sex advice guru, Dr. Ruth Westheimer.  And finally, the Spic & Spanakopita is a pun on two separate things; Spic and Span which is a popular brand of floor cleaner, and spanakopita, which is a Greek dish consisting of spinach, feta cheese, onions and egg wrapped in pastry.
- In this episode, Larry and Jennifer decide that their wedding will take place in September.  This, of course, would be the month the next seasonís episodes would begin airing and The Wedding episode would indeed air at the end of September.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
-
Balki is surprised to find that Larry doesnít seem to be following Myposian custom when it comes to the wedding plans, and asks if this means they wonít be walking down the aisle on their hands.  But when Balki was about to get married in the season four episode, Wedding Belle Blues, no one was walking on their hands down the aisle in that ceremony.
- Because of this episode, many still believe that the island of Mypos is shaped like a lamp chop.  This is because Balki tells Larry and Jennifer this when talking about the medallion which is supposed to change color if the purification ritual is successful.  But because Balki made up that whole ritual, one should take everything said within it with a grain of salt.  As a matter of fact, in season seven when Balki goes back to Mypos and Larry chases after him, there is an ariel picture of the island and it really doesnít look much like a lamb chop at all.  To confirm this, in the original script Balki went on to explain he won the medallion at Funland when a gypsy couldn't guess his weight!
- When Larry reaches down to pick up a pitcher to dump mud on Balki's head at the end of the episode, for a moment it looks as if Jennifer is reaching for one as well, but there is nothing for her to pick up.  In the script it does indicate that both Jennifer and Larry were supposed to dump mud on Balki's head, so one wonders if the prop person didn't have Jennifer's mud pitcher in place!


Synopsis:
The episode begins in the apartment, which is decorated in a Myposian style with garlands and bows and peppers and garlic.  Balki and Mary Anne are waiting at the door with their ears pressed again it, listening for any noise in the hallway.  There is the sound of footsteps approaching and Balki exclaims, "I . . . I hear them!  I hear them!"  He runs to the bookcase and gets a Polaroid camera, which he prepares, pointing it toward the closed door.  "Okay, okay," Balki says, then he tells Mary Anne, "Uh . . . open the door."  Mary Anne opens the front door and Larry, who had been opening it from the other side, almost falls through.  Jennifer is with him.  "Surprise!" Balki shouts, "Okay, now . . . hold it right there!"  He lifts the camera to take their picture, explaining, "I want to preserve this moment for posteriors."  Balki snaps the picture and Larry jumps at the flash.  "Okay, great," Balki says, and he tells Mary Anne, "Get them to the couch."  He follows them with the camera, taking pictures and instructing them, "Okay, Cousin Larry, give me energy!  Yeah!  And Jennifer, lick your lips.  Okay?  Beautiful!"

They reach the couch and all four of them sit down.  There is a cake and plates sitting on the coffee table.  "Now, give me something completely different," Balki says, "Come on . . . somethiní wacky."  He takes another picture.  "Balki . . . Balki, wh . . . what is . . . what is this all about?" Larry asks, "And why is there produce on the wall?"  "What is this all about?" Balki laughs in disbelief, "Does the word Ďsix phases of the mooní mean anything to you?"  Balki keeps laughing, then adds, "Or do you want to just keep getting out there and sowing your mild goats?"  Balki nudges Larry knowingly.  Larry and Jennifer laugh along with Balki and Mary Anne but neither have any idea whatís going on.  "What are you talking about?" Larry asks.  "Iíll give you a hint," Mary Anne offers, "Itís been six phases of the moon since you and Jennifer got engaged, so according to Myposian custom tonightís the night you set the wedding date."  Balki hugs Larry around the shoulders excitedly.  "Well . . . well, Jennifer and I werenít planning on setting a date just yet," Larry explains.  "But . . . but Cousin, youíre . . . youíre 1/64th Myposian," Balki notes, "I . . . I just assumed you were going to be following Myposian custom."

"Uh, Larry and I decided to follow American custom," Jennifer explains.  "Oh," Balki sighs, "Well, so . . . so I guess you wonít be walking down the aisle on your hands?"  "Well, I donít think itís an American custom to get engaged and never set a wedding date!" Mary Anne points out.  "W . . . w . . . well, nobody said anything about never setting a wedding date," Larry laughs.  "So go ahead," Mary Anne suggests.  "Go ahead what?" Larry asks.  "Go ahead and set a date," Balki smiles. "Well, uh . . . " Larry hesitates, "Well . . . uh, a . . . a . . . all right, all right.  No problem.  I mean, itís not as if I donít want to.  Uh . . . I mean, w . . . weíll go ahead and . . . and . . . and, uh . . . and, uh . . . w . . . do it!  N . . . not unless thereís some reason that . . . that Jennifer doesnít want to."  "W . . . w . . . w . . . why wouldnít I want to?" Jennifer asks.  "Shall we begin with the month?" Balki asks, readying a frosting tube to write the date on the cake in front of them.  "Uh, no problem," Larry says, "Uh . . . well . . . uh . . . July . . . "   "Okay, July," Balki jumps in, and he writes out July on the cake.   "No, I . . . I was, uh . . . about to say that, uh, July, August, September and October are out, uh . . . because, uh . . . my . . . my allergies act up.  I . . . I donít want to be sneezing through the ceremony."  "Okay, fine, Cousin, just . . . " Balki says in an aggravated voice as he takes a knife and scrapes off the frosting and scrapes it onto a plate.

"Uh . . . uh . . . November through January are no good for me," Jennifer explains, "I have a very, uh, tight flight schedule and . . . and we wouldnít have time for a honeymoon."  "And the weatherís no good in, uh, February or March," Larry adds.  "My birthdayís in April!" Jennifer throws in.  "Mineís in May," Larry points out.  "June!" Balki says.  "June!" Larry repeats, "Well, uh . . . uh, June is . . . is good for me."  He turns to Jennifer and asks, "You like June?"  "I . . . I love June," Jennifer says nervously, "June would be great.  Is it warm in here?  I . . . . "  "Okay, here we go," Balki says, and he starts writing out June in frosting, "J - U . . . I never should have erased the J and the U from July . . . N - E!  Okay now!  You each have to have a piece of cake."  He cuts a big piece of cake and puts it on a plate, saying, "Jennifer, you go first . . . because the bride is first."  Balki sticks a fork in the piece of cake and starts "marching" it toward Jennifer as Mary Anne sings "The Wedding March."  "I . . . I . . . I canít eat anything," Jennifer says, "I . . . I . . . I . . . Iím not . . . Iím not feeling well.  I really think I have to go now."

Jennifer jumps up from the couch and hurries to the door with Mary Anne following behind her.  "You know, every time somebody starts talking about the wedding you get sick," Mary Anne observes as she follows Jennifer out, "I think I know what your problem is.  Youíre not getting enough protein."  Larry turns back to Balki, who snaps his picture again.  Larry picks up the piece of cake from the coffee table and laughs nervously, "Well . . . nervous bride!" as his right leg starts tapping up and down rapidly in a nervous gesture.  Larry starts eating the cake, his leg still tapping, and he asks Balki, "Ever seen somebody so nervous about a wedding?"  "Yeah," Balki replies.  Larry continues to eat the cake.  "You," Balki elaborates.  "Oh!  Iím not nervous!" Larry insists, laughing his schmuck laugh as his leg keeps tapping.  "Youíre right, Cousin," Balki says, "Youíre not nervous.  Uh, youíre more scared than nervous."  "Scared?" Larry asks with surprise, "Donít be crazy!"  Larry eats more cake and his leg continues tapping.  Balki takes the plate from Larry and sets it down on the table as he says sincerely, "Cousin, Cousin listen . . . I know you . . . I know you like I know my way to the bathroom.  I know you when youíre scared.  You have all the classical symptoms.  The compulsive eating . . . "  "Was I eating?" Larry asks.

"The nervous leg twitch . . . " Balki continues.  Larry look down and touches his left leg as his right leg continues to tap.  "Was my leg twitching?" he asks.  Balki points to Larryís right leg, but as soon as Larry looks at it the twitching switches to his left leg.  Larry touches his right leg and looks back at Balki as the leg tapping switches back to the his right leg.  "And everything you say is in the form of a question," Balki points out.  "It is?" Larry asks.  "Yes," Balki confirms.  "Are you sure?" Larry asks.  "Yes."  "Is that bad?" Larry asks.  "Yes," Balki nods.  "Is there ice cream to go with this cake?" Larry asks.  "Oh God!" Balki sighs.  "Balki, Balki, I donít have to be scared," Larry insists, "I mean, I love Jennifer!  Jennifer loves me!  Weíre gonna live happily ever after!"  Larry picks up the cake and starts eating voraciously again, his leg tapping.  "Donít you think?" Larry asks.  "Well, of course I . . . " Balki begins.  "Well, of course you donít!" Larry cries as he sets the cake down again, "Neither do I!  Jennifer thinks sheís marrying a . . . a . . . a handsome, sophisticated, charming man and after weíre married sheís going to realize she is married to me.  Sheís gonna be miserable."  Larry picks up the cake and starts eating again as his leg starts tapping.

"Donít you think?" Larry asks, setting his elbow on the knee which is bouncing so that the fork he is trying to eat the cake with is shaking violently up and down.  Larry manages to get some cake on the fork but canít get the vibrating fork into his mouth, instead he just manages to tap cake onto the end of his nose.  Finally Larry just breaks down and sobs.  Balki takes the plate from Larry and sets it down on the table then picks up a napkin and wipes Larryís hands and nose, sighing, "Oh Cousin, I . . . "  "Balki, Iím just afraid of losing her," Larry admits, "I . . . Iím afraid that after weíre married sheíll leave me and Iíll lose her anyway.  W . . . what am I gonna do?"  "The two of you could take the Nupitiki-SATiki," Balki suggests.  "The Nupitiki-SATiki?" Larry asks.  "Yeah," Balki says, "The Myposian marriage test."  "Oh, Balki," Larry starts to refuse, "Balki, I . . . "  "Now, Cousin, no, no, no," Balki insists, "Listen, this test can determine whether or not a marriage should take place beyond a shadow of a snout."  "Balki, no stupid Myposian test is, uh, gonna guarantee a . . . a happy marriage," Larry insists, getting up from the couch.

"Now, Cousin . . . Cousin, look!" Balki says, picking up the cake and luring Larry with it to lead him toward the counter, "Cousin, I am offering you the opportunity to . . . to make sure that you have a happy marriage.  Now you cannot keep indefinitely postponing this.  Sooner or later youíre going to have to mate or cut bait.  Now why you donít get on the phone and call Jennifer and find out how she feels about taking the test."  "All right," Larry sighs as he picks up the receiver and dials, "All right.  I . . . Iíll . . . Iíll call her.  But . . . but just to prove that . . . that she thinks this is as stupid as I do."  After a moment, Larry speaks into the receiver.  "Yeah, yeah . . . hello?  Jennifer?  Oh listen, I . . . I know this sounds silly but Balki says that he has a test that . . . that . . . that can prove whether or not our marriage will work.  Now I know . . . I told him that no te . . . hello?  Hello?  She hung up."  Larry hangs up the receiver.  "Now sheís angry at me just because I even mentioned the test."  Jennifer suddenly rushes in through the front door and crosses the room to them, grabbing Larryís arm and saying, "Balki, I want to take that test right now!"  He right leg starts tapping nervously and Balki reaches across the counter toward it but Larry slaps his hand away.

An hour later, Larry and Jennifer are sitting on the couch as Balki sits on a stool, administering the test.  "All right, just a few more questions and weíll be finished," Balki informs them, "Jennifer, I believe itís your turn.  Um, Jennifer . . . would you be angry if Cousin Larry was working late and he didnít call you and therefore the pig snout that you prepared for dinner was ruined?"  "Well, that . . . thatís a difficult question, Balki," Jennifer begins, answering as if she isnít sure sheís giving him the answer he wants to hear, "I . . . I know how involved Larry can get with his work so I guess I would understand if he forgot to call me once or twice but if it happened all the time I suppose I would get angry?"  Balki doesnít react, so Larry starts to applaud and say, "Good answer!  Good answer!"  Balki thinks a moment then writes something down on his clipboard.  Jennifer and Larry watch anxiously.  "Isnít that a . . . a good answer, Balki?" Larry asks.  "Cousin, as Iíve explained before there are no good or bad answers," Balki states, "I am developing a picture of the couple based on their responses and scoring those responses on a scale designed to reflect their overall compatibility.  This test, um . . . this test has been developed over a number of years.  It is not a game and I think we should remember that."

"Okay," Balki continues, "Uh, Cousin, I believe youíre next.  Uh, pick up the apples, please."  Larry picks up three apples from a bowl on the coffee table.  "And juggle," Balki instructs.  "W . . . w . . . w . . . wait a minute," Larry protests, "I . . . I donít understand.  For the last hour Jennifer has been answering reasonably intelligent questions and Iíve been playing Double Dare."  "Are you, uh . . . uncomfortable about taking the test?" Balki asks, licking the end of his pencil and poising it over the clipboard.  "No!  No, no!" Larry insists, "No, no, no!  No, no, no . . . I, uh . . . I love taking the test.  Itís . . . uh . . . uh . . . juggle?  Yeah.  Fine.  No problem."  Larry stands up and struggles to juggle the apples.  "Stand on one foot," Balki instructs.  Larry lifts his right foot off the ground and again juggles with difficulty.  "Close your eyes," Balki instructs.  "All right, now no one can juggle with their eyes closed," Larry argues.  "Iím sorry, I believe I simply said ĎClose your eyes,í" Balki points out, "I donít believe I said anything about juggling."  "Oh . . . oh God," Larry says worriedly, "Does that mean I got the part about standing on, uh . . . one foot wrong, too?"

Balki shows no emotion and says, "Sit down, please.  Put the apples away."  Larry sits down and puts the apples back into the bowl.  "Cousin, as I explained before there is no right and wrong.  Were you not listening?"  Balki licks his pencil again and poises it over the paper, awaiting Larryís answer.  "Larry was listening!" Jennifer insists, "He . . . heís a very good listener.  Uh, he . . . he should get extra credit for that."  "Fine, the test is finished," Balki says flatly, "Iíll just, uh . . . compute your score."  Balki starts adding up the score on the clipboard.  "Oh God, I hope we passed!" Jennifer cries.  "D . . . donít worry," Larry assures her, "Donít worry.  Iím sure we did.  Your answers were . . . were wonderful.  And . . . and I did a hundred and twenty-five push ups.  So Balki, what do we have to score to be compatible?"  "Sixty," Balki answers.  "Well, so what did we score?" Larry asks, "Eighty?  Ninety?"  "Three.  Your score is three," Balki announces.  On Larry and Jenniferís shocked reaction the scene fades to black.

Act two begins exactly where act one finished.  "I skipped rope with a book on my head and we got a three?" Larry asks in disbelief.  Balki nods.  "Itís my fault," Jennifer sighs, "I should have been more enthusiastic about vacuuming."  Balki gets down off the stool to sit on the couch beside them, saying, "Jennifer . . . Cousin Larry, I . . . I really feel like babasticki.  I never would have asked you to take the test if I thought you would do so badly."  "I sucked a lemon and whistled ĎThe Battle Hymn of the Republicí . . . and we get a three?" Larry cries, getting to his feet and exclaiming, "W . . . w . . . w . . . w . . . w . . . w . . . well, so what?  I mean, even if the . . . the test means something, and . . . and Iím not saying that it does, B . . .Balki probably didnít even give the test right."  "I beg to back issue with you!" Balki protests, getting to his feet, "I know how to administer this test!  I happen to be a licensed Nupitiki Doctor Ruthiki."  "A Nupitiki Doctor Ruthiki?" Larry repeats.  "Thatís a Myposian marriage counselor," Balki explains.  "Youíre a Myposian marriage counselor?" Larry questions.  "That is correct," Balki confirms.

"What do you do?" Larry asks, "Start with shaky sheep marriages and work your way up to people?"  "Sheep donít have problems with their marriages," Balki insists, "Pigs, on the other hand, often have problems with commitment.  Thatís why they call them pigs."  Jennifer stands up and says, "Balki, uh, I have to agree with Larry.  I mean, just because the test has never been wrong before doesnít mean it canít be wrong now.  And . . . and just because youíve given the test before that doesnít mean you didnít make a mistake this time."  "Well, thatís the kind of talk I . . . I like to hear!" Larry agrees, "I mean, so . . . so w . . . weíll still get married.  W . . . weíll take the test again.  W . . . weíll take a year . . . two years tops.  We . . . weíll study, weíll pass the test and weíll get married two years from June.  Right, Jennifer?"  Jennifer hesitates before she answers, "Right!  Right!  Oh!  Oh, uh Larry . . . uh, I . . . I just remembered.  Um, two years from . . . from, uh, now is right around the time my father was going to retire.  See, he and my mother are gonna buy a Winnebago and travel across the country.  I . . . I think our wedding might interfere with their plans."  Balki shakes his head at their waffling.

"W . . . oh, well . . . well, weíll just start planning when they get back," Larry suggests, "Uh . . . uh . . . two years, uh . . . uh, until his retirement . . . say, uh, two years in a Winnebago . . . a year of planning . . . well, weíre looking at, uh . . . June . . . five years from now.  Is that . . . does that work for you, Jennifer?"  Jennifer nods and says, "Five years.  I . . . I can wait five years.  I mean, after all, whatís five years when your marriage is doomed anyway?"  She breaks down and sobs on Larryís shoulder.  "Itís gonna be all right," Larry assures her.  Balki steps forward and places his hands on them, saying, "I think I can help."  They look at Balki and Larry asks, "How?"  "Well, itís a longshot," Balki admits, "but I think your only hope of happiness is for both of you to take the Nupitiki Spic Ďn Spanakopita."  "The Nupitiki Spic Ďn Spanakopita?" Larry asks.  "The Myposian Marriage Cleansing Ritual," Balki explains, "Now it will either make you compatible or remove the waxy buildup from your linoleum.  But either way itís gonna make a big difference in your lives."

The next day, Balki has prepared the apartment for the ritual.  The couch is pushed back and there is a childrenís wading pool in the middle of the floor.  Jennifer and Larry are standing in the pool.  Balki is wearing a long white sheet and is polishing a medallion he is wearing around his neck.  "Jennifer, are . . . are you sure you wanna go through with this purification ritual?"  "Weíve got to, Larry," Jennifer insists, "Weíre not getting anywhere on our own."  Jennifer sees Balki polishing the medallion and comments, "Balki, thatís a very interesting medallion.  I . . . I may be wrong but it . . . it looks like itís in the shape of a lamb chop."  "Well, thatís very observant of you, Jennifer," Balki replies, "Actually, itís the shape of the island of Mypos.  Um, my little village, Podunki, is right here in the gristle area and over here in the tenderloin is Six Flags over Mypos."  "Well, the stone is very beautiful," Jennifer notes.  "Well, the color reflects the turmoil in your relationship that is preventing you from having a happy marriage," Balki explains, "and if purification takes place, and Iím not making any promises, the color will become lighter and lighter until it is just as clear and pure as your love for each other."

"Okay, thatís it," Larry says, "I am not letting my future be determined by some madman wearing a mood lamb chop!"  "Larry, I think we should try the ritual!" Jennifer insists.  After a moment, Larry concedes, "All right."  "Then let the purification begin!" Balki announces, and he turns to pick up a brass pitcher from one of the end tables.  He proceeds to pour the contents over Larryís head.  Itís a gooey, brown muddy mixture.  Jennifer watches this with trepidation.  Sure enough, Balki walks to the other side of the pool and picks up another pitcher and dumps the same muddy stuff over Jenniferís head.  Balki looks at the medallion and observes, "Uh oh!  Still blue!  It didnít work!  I did my best to purify you but, uh, Iím afraid your marriage is doomed.  Out of the pool, please . . . out of the pool, please . . . please."  Larry and Jennifer step out of the wading pool.  "Iím not even sure you two should even be friends," Balki comments.  "Our marriage is still doomed?" Jennifer cries, "Larry, why did you even let us try this stupid ritual?"  "W . . . well, youíre the one who forced us into this!" Larry counters.  "W . . . well, youíre the one who couldnít set a date because youíre so . . . youíre so . . . "  "Afraid," Balki finishes for her.  " . . . afraid!" Jennifer finishes.

Balki turns to Larry and says, "Cousin, she just said you were afraid.  How does that make you feel?"  "Afraid," Larry answers, "Iím . . . Iím afraid that . . . that after weíre married . . . youíll realize that Iím . . . Iím not the . . . charming, sophisticated man you thought I was."  "And Jennifer?" Balki prompts.  "Well . . . Iím afraid that once weíre married youíll . . . find out Iím not perfect," Jennifer admits.  "Well, I donít care if youíre not perfect," Larry insists, "I mean . . . look at you.  Y . . . youíve never looked so awful and . . . and . . . and Iíve . . . Iíve never loved you so much."  "Oh, Larry," Jennifer laughs, "Iíve never seen you look worse, either.  I love you, too!"  "Well, what about the test?" Balki asks.  "Well, I . . . I donít care if the test said we donít belong together," Larry states as he crosses to Jennifer, "I . . . I . . . I donít care if a . . . a million tests say we donít belong together.  I want to marry you, Jennifer."  "Larry, I want to marry you," Jennifer assures him.  "Well, then letís get married," Larry suggests.  "Okay, uh . . . when?" Jennifer asks.  "Tonight!" Larry says.  "Tonightís no good," Jennifer responds.  Larry is despondent, crying, "Oh God!"

"No, no, no!" Jennifer is quick to explain, "I mean, we have to make . . . make, uh, arrangements.  How about, uh . . . September?"  "All right . . . September," Larry agrees.  They kiss and Balki smiles.  Larry and Jennifer turn to Balki and Larry says, "There!  Weíre getting married this year and . . . and nothingís gonna stop us.  So what do you say to that, Mr. Myposian marriage counselor?"  "You just passed the Myposian marriage test with flying colors," Balki smiles.  "What?" Larry asks.  "Cousin," Balki giggles, "everybody fails the first part.  We make sure of that.  And we make sure that everyone fails the second part, too, and then . . . and then if the people still want to be married to each other then we know that they have a really deep commitment and that they will live happily ever after."  "Well, you . . . you mean we would have failed no matter what we did?" Larry asks.  Balki nods.  "We took mud in the face for nothing?" Larry asks.  "No, no, Cousin, it wasnít for nothing," Balki insists, "It was to prove to you that you two have nothing to be afraid of."  "Well, Balki, thank you for helping us see that," Jennifer offers.  "Yeah," Larry agrees, "Thanks, buddy."

"Oh, you know, I . . . I . . . I . . . I guess I did kind of do a pretty good job if I must say so myself," Balki laughs.  "Well, so this is what couples have to go through on Mypos?" Larry asks with a smile.  "Well, uh . . . to . . . to . . . to some extent," Balki nods.  "W . . . what do you mean, Ďto some extent?í" Jennifer asks.  "Well, we usually make do with a written test and some verbal abuse and a carefully monitored psychodrama," Balki explains, "But since no one on Mypos is quite as neurotic as you two I had to kind of put in some . . . some special touches."  "Special touches?" Larry asks.  "Well, the . . . the mud was kind of my idea, and . . . " Balki admits with a smile.  Larry and Jennifer let this information sink in.  Larry smiles and walks to Balki, saying, "You know, Balki, words cannot express what we feel right now.  Isnít that right, Jennifer?" Larry directs Balki to stand between himself and Jennifer.  "Oh no, they canít," Jennifer agrees.  "Oh, go on, you guys, I love you!" Balki smiles as they all laugh, "I . . . you donít owe me anything."  "Oh yes, we do," Larry smiles, and he proceeds to dump a pitcher of the muddy substance over Balkiís head as well.  When Larry is done, Balki hooks his arms around both Larry and Jennifer and pulls them in for a hug as the episode ends.


Script Variations:
There are a few differences between the shooting script dated March 20, 1991 and the episode which aired:
After Jennifer tells Balki that she and Larry have decided to follow American customs, Balki sighs, "Sure, forget your root canals."
-
When Balki picks up the icing dispenser, he says about the impending wedding date, "I can put it on the cake, and it will be official.  So go on."
- After Larry says he's ready to set a date unless there's some reason Jennifer doesn't want to, Jennifer responds with, "Why wouldn't I want to?  Don't I look like a person who's ready?  I'm perfectly willing to do it right here and now.  So let's just go ahead and do what we both want to do.  Unless there's some reason that Larry doesn't want to."  "Has anyone else lost track of what we're talking about?" Mary Anne asks.  "I think we've established that Cousin Larry and future Cousin Jennifer are ready to set a date for their wedding and the rest is just icing on the cake," Balki points out, then he suggests they begin with the month.
-
After Jennifer and Larry run through every other month, Balki asks, "What about June?"  "What about June?" Larry asks.  "June is perfect," Balki explains, "Good weather.  No allergies or birthdays.  And I can fit it on the cake."  The part about Balki saying he shouldn't have erased the J and U from July is not in this script.
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After Larry asks Balki if he thinks he looks scared, Larry asks about the cake frosting, "Did you make those roses?"
- After Larry runs through everything that will go wrong once he and Jennifer are married and asks again, "Don't you think?" Balki says, "I think what we have here is a classic case of the premarital chiggers.  Jennifer can't eat any cake and you can't stop."  "Why should Jennifer be nervous?" Larry asks, "She's perfect."  "That's exactly why she's nervous," Balki explains, "She knows you think she's perfect.  She's afraid that after you're married you'll find that the woman you idolized has feet of hay."  "Oh God," Larry sighs, "what are we doing?  This marriage is going to destroy us both.  Don't you think?"
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After Larry scoffs that the Myposian wedding test won't guarantee a happy marriage, Balki counters with, "Oh, is that so is that?  Well, thanks to that 'stupid Myposian test,' there has never been a single divorce in the history of Mypos.  Well, Binki and Bonki got separated.  Of course, they were Siamese twins."  "I have to admit that's very impressive, but it has nothing to do with my life," Larry argues.
- There was originally a Scene B in the script but it was omitted.
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After Larry points out that during the test Jennifer has been answering questions while he's been playing Double Dare, Larry adds, "Why is the groom's part so hard?"
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After Jennifer suggests Larry should get extra credit for being a good listener, Balki continues, "One last question, Jennifer.  You're at a cocktail party in the penthouse of the Sears Tower.  You glance across the room and make eye contact with a handsome stranger in a corner.  He approaches you and offers you a glass of champagne.  Now, bearing in mind that you are engaged, what's your favorite color?"  "Red," Jennifer answers, then, "No, blue.  No, everybody says blue.  White.  No, white's not a color.  I love all colors."  This is when Balki adds up their score.
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After Jennifer sighs that she should have been more enthusiastic about vacuuming, Larry complains, "I recited 'I'm a Little Teapot, Short and Stout,' and we got a three?"  Moment later, when Larry points out he sucked a lemon and whistled "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," Balki says, "Maybe I added wrong."  "That must be it," Larry agrees.  After a moment, Balki says, "I did make a mistake.  You didn't get a three, you got a two."
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After Larry suggests that Balki didn't give the test right, instead of saying, "I beg to back issue," Balki just says, "Unfortunately, I know how to give the test," and then says he's a Nupitiki Doctor Ruthiki.
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After Larry suggests they can still get married and take the test again, he says, "We'll study.  I'll learn how to juggle.  You can pick a favorite color.  We'll really be prepared this time," and then he goes on to say they'll take a year, two years tops.
- Revisions were made to the script and added in, so Scene E was omitted and the final scene has become Scene H.
- The version before the revisions must have been quite interesting, because when Balki explains to Jennifer and Larry the parts of the ritual he made up, he says, "The mud and the bouillon were my ideas, but Mary Anne came up with the garlic powder."
- After Larry admits that Jennifer saying he's afraid makes him afraid, Balki suggests, "Go with that fear."
- After Larry says that he's never seen Jennifer look so awful and he's never loved her so much, Jennifer replies, "Well, right now you're closer to Swamp Thing than Prince Charming and I love you, Larry."
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Amazingly enough, in this script they set their marriage date to be in November!  After Jennifer asks, "How about November?" Larry agrees, "Alright, November."  "What year?" Balki asks.  "This year," Larry and Jennifer answer together, and they kiss.
- After Balki says that what they went through with the marriage test was "not exactly" what couples on Mypos go through, Jennifer asks, "What do you mean, 'not exactly?'"  "Well, on Mypos, we usually make-do with a written test, a little psychodrama and a simple, yet elegant wine and cheese party," Balki explains.  "However, no one on Mypos is quite as neurotic as you two, so I had to add a few special touches.  The mud was my idea and I won the medallion at Funland when the gypsy couldn't guess my weight.  I'm very big-boned, you know."
- Originally both Jennifer and Larry were supposed to pour mud on Balki's head at the end.

Continue on to the next episode . . .