Strangers Episode Guide
122 - The Wedding
First Air Date: September 27, 1991
Filming Date: July 25, 1991
Nielsen Rating: 12.2 HH
Description: Ominous signs mark Larry and Jennifer's wedding day:
Jennifer is hysterical, and Larry and Balki land behind bars charged with armed
Produced by: Alan Plotkin
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Paula A. Roth
Directed by: Judy Pioli
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne Spencer
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons / Appleton
Don Stallings: Larry Look-alike
Macka Foley: Rudy
Clive Rosengren: Detective Albertson
Gary Lahti: Officer Cole
Dimitri is not seen
in this episode.
"So okay . . . when life gives you
lemons, make furniture polish."
"This is what they call throwing out
the baby with the trough water."
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here
today to join Cousin Larry and future Cousin Jennifer in holy macaroni."
"Do you, future Cousin Jennifer take
Cousin Larry to be your awful wedded husband?"
"For rich man, for poor man . . . for
butter or moist . . . "
"By the power infested in me . . .
Donít be ridiculous: Said twice in this
episode, once as "Youíre being ridiculous! Now donít be!"
Other catchphrases used in this episode:
Balki and Larryís simultaneous
"Oh my Lord!"
"Oh, right!" spoken this time by
Other running jokes used in this episode:
Larry organizes everything on a clipboard
Balki repeatedly tries to warn Larry about
something but Larry chooses to ignore him
Jokes are made about Larryís height
Balki hugs someone instead of shaking
Jokes are made about Larryís lack of an
Balki turns the tables and slaps Larry on
the back of the head for a change
Notable Moment: Larry and Jennifer get
The Myposian version of the wedding vows
- While there doesnít appear to be an
actual Lake Whitefish, there is a species of fish called the lake whitefish
which can be found in the midwest around Illinois.
In fact there is a Whitefish
Bay on Lake Superior in Michigan.
- Clive Rosengren, who played Detective
Albertson, has also made appearances on the TV shows The A-Team,
thirtysomething, Beauty and the Beast, Charles in Charge, Quantum Leap, Cheers,
Dallas, Twin Peaks, Whoís the Boss?, Home Improvement, Seinfeld, Ellen and
- Thereís a cute twist in this episode
after Mary Anne points out that Jennifer canít go back to Iowa and canned corn
because her parents sold the farm and moved to Florida, to which Jennifer
responds with one of Mary Anneís most beloved bits, saying, "Oh,
- It should come as no surprise that Macka
Foley, who played the burly but polite Rudy in this episode, used to be a
heavyweight boxer and is now a boxing coach. He also made appearances in the
movie Ghost and the television series Parker Lewis Canít Lose,
Nurses, Ed and The Drew Carey Show.
- Another reversal happens moments later
when Balki slaps Larry on the back of the head for a change!
- To read more about the filming of this
episode, check out our On the Scene . . . report!
Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- Itís not clear when Larry obtained a
blue Mustang as opposed to his red one which figured so prominently in seasons
one and two. We know that he planned to sell his car to help Elaine pay for
music school in the season five episode Lie-Ability, but no mention was ever
made of him buying a new Mustang at any point.
- During the scene when Balki is asking
Mary Anne if it sounds like heís calling her from a cave, he flinches right
*before* Larry slaps him on the back of the head.
- During the lineup, Detective Albertson
not only says aloud the name of the woman witness so that the men can hear it,
we can hear her voice as well. This would never be the case with a real witness
making an identification in a lineup since their identities are kept secret so
they will be honest in their accusations and not feel threatened by those they
- Cousin Dabzzygirl from our Forums pointed out
this inconsistency for us: In this episode Balki says he has always dreamed of
being in a lineup. But in the season two episode, Life Savers, he
remarks that the police let him stand in a line-up, then comments sadly,
"But I didn't win."
- In the last episode from the previous
season, one of the excuses Jennifer gave for not having their wedding in two
years was because her father was planning to retire than and her parents were
going to travel the country in a Winnebago. Apparently her parents changed their
plans because in this episode, which takes place one summer later, her parents
have sold their farm and moved to Florida already.
- When Balki marries them the Myposian way
it in no way resembles the Myposian wedding which Balki undertook at the end of
season four when he was to marry Kiki. Inconsistencies in the Myposian wedding
traditions varied widely throughout the series.
- During the wedding ceremony, Balki tells
Larry and Jennifer that he never had a brother or a sister. But in the season
three episode Sexual Harassment in Chicago he told Olivia Crawford that
the tapestry he showed her was made by his sister Yanna. Of course, that was the
same tapestry which Balki had purportedly made for Larry in the second season
episode A Christmas Story!
The episode begins with a scene of a blue
Mustang traveling down a road in the dark. A caption comes on the screen which
reads "4:00 a.m. - Somewhere between Chicago and Lake Whitefish."
Inside the car we see Balki is driving and Larry looks out the window then
checks his clipboard. "We are making great time," Larry notes,
"We were not scheduled to pass that feed store for another thirty-five
seconds. Here . . . " Larry opens a road map and holds it up in front of
his and Balkiís face. "There you go," Larry says happily as he
lowers the map. Balki reacts as he corrects the carís direction after having
his view blocked by the map, and he and Larry let out a nervous gasp. "Balki,
watch where youíre going!" Larry scolds. "Cousin, you know this
drive would be a whole lot easier if you and your clipboard and your map and
your stopwatch and your emergency flares all took the bus and met me at the
wedding," Balki snaps. Larry checks his watch and the clipboard and
comments, "Attitude flare up . . . right on schedule." Balki tries to
snatch the clipboard away but Larry has it tied by a string around his neck.
Behind the car we see the flashing lights
of a police motorcycle and hear the siren wailing as a policemanís voice on a
loudspeaker says, "You
in the Mustang!
Pull over!" Balki pulls the car
to the side of the road and stops. "What did you do?" Larry asks,
"Why is he pulling us over?" "I didnít do nothing," Balki
insists. "Well, you must have done something!" Larry argues.
"Cousin, I was just driving along trying to avoid getting paper cuts on my
face," Balki counters, "Youíre telling me ĎGo slow, turn here, do
thisí . . . and then with maps in my face!" Larry tries to argue but
Balki takes the road map and slaps it over Larryís face, saying, "Here.
How do you like it? Do you like it? Can you drive?" Larry and Balki
continue to scuffle and fight as the motorcycle officer approaches the driverís
side of the car and taps on the door. Larry and Balki smile at the man and say
simultaneously, "Hi!" "Uh, license and registration," the
officer requests. Larry gets his wallet out of his back pocket and asks,
"Is . . . is there a problem, officer?" "Uh yeah, your friend
here was driving twenty-six miles an hour," the officer explains.
"I wanted to go faster but Cousin
Larry wouldnít let me," Balki says. "And your Cousin Larry?"
the officer deduces. "Larry Appleton, officer," Larry clarifies,
"He calls me Cousin Larry because Iím his cousin . . . Larry. W . . .
well, I think I can clear this up. You see, I . . . Iím getting married at . .
. at noon today at the Westridge Country Inn." "The whole weddingís
in mint green and pink," Balki smiles. "And we wanted to make sure
that . . . that, uh, we got there in plenty of time with . . . without
speeding," Larry finishes. "Theyíre going with birdseed instead of
rice," Balki adds, "More environmentally sound." "Are you
gonna give us a ticket?" Larry asks. "No," the officer assures
them, "Just pick up your speed a little and, uh . . . good luck with the
wedding . . . Cousin Larry." "Thank you," Larry offers.
officer walks back to his motorcycle in the dark. After a moment, Balki notices
that Larry is still leaned in closely to him, giving him an angry look. "Change places with me," Larry orders. "No," Balki refuses.
"Move," Larry orders. "No, Iím gonna stay right here,"
Balki insists. "Move. Move, come on," Larry continues, "Change
places. Letís go. Get out of the seat. Get out of the seat."
no, Iím not gonna move," Balki insists as Larry undoes his seat belt,
"Iím bigger than you are." Larry grabs Balki and pulls him over onto
the passenger seat, then pushes his way under him to get into the driverís
seat. After a moment of awkward struggling, Balki sits up in the passenger seat
and gives Larry a look.
"Now help me move the seat up,"
Larry says. Balki reaches over and flips the lever that causes the seat to move
forward so much that Larry is pinned with his face smashed up against the
windshield. Balki laughs at this. "Move it back!" Larry insists.
pulls the lever so the seat goes back.
Larry gives Balki a look and then they
both fasten their seat belts. Larry starts the car and Balki sees something and
begins, "Wait, wait! Cousin, Cousin, before you do anything . . . "
"Balki, please," Larry interrupts. "Cousin, Cousin, wait!
you do . . . " "Please! Please! Please, I know what Iím doing!"
Larry insists, "Not another word! Not another word! Not another word!
single, solitary word until we get to the wedding." Balki mimes zipping up
his lips and throwing away the key. "Thank you," Larry says, and he
hits the gas pedal as the car suddenly lurches backwards and crashes up over
something. "Oh, what the . . . ?" we hear the officer cry out.
"Oh my Lord!" Larry gasps. "May I speak now?" Balki asks.
"Yes," Larry says. "For future reference, ĎRí stands for
reverse," Balki states as the officer walks up beside the car, holding the
handlebars of his former motorcycle with the flashing lights on it.
Later that morning at the police station,
Larry is on the phone talking to Jennifer. Balki is standing behind him, eating
an ice cream cone. Officer Cole is at the desk from which they are placing
the call. "Jennifer . . . Jennifer . . . y . . . y . . . yeah, all
. . . all . . . all that screaming canít be good for your throat," Larry
says into the phone receiver, "You donít want to lose your voice before
you have to say ĎI do.í" Larry laughs nervously, then turns to lean on
Balki and starts to cry. "What am I gonna do?" Larry sobs to
"Sheís falling apart. Sheís not as strong as I am." "Okay,
Cousin, itís gonna be okay," Balki assures him, "You come over here.
Hold this." Balki switches places with Larry and takes the phone receiver
as he hands Larry the ice cream cone. "Give me the phone and . . . and just
breathe. Breathe. Breathe." Larry takes a few short, pained gasps of air.
"Okay," Balki says, and he raises the receiver to his ear and is about
to speak when Jenniferís voice screams, "Iím gonna kill you!"
"Hello, Je . . . whoa!" Balki cries out at the loudness of her voice.
"This is the most important day of my
life!" Jennifer yells. "Jennifer, itís Balki!" Balki calls,
holding the receiver well away from his ear. "Where are you?" Jennifer
screams. "Balki!" Balki repeats. "How could you?" Jennifer
asks. Balki can finally put the receiver to his ear and speak. "Jennifer
now . . . now . . . I know heís not as strong as you are, yes. Um, maybe you
better put Mary Anne on. Hello, Mary Anne? This is Balki. Listen, Iím going to
tell you something, you got to listen very carefully, itís very important.
I put my hand around the phone does it sound like Iím calling you from a
cave?" Balki wraps his hand around the mouthpiece of the receiver and says
in a deep voice, "Hello, Iím in a cave. Hello, Iím calling you from . .
. " Larry slaps the back of Balkiís head. Larry motions to the phone
angrily. "Uh, Mary Anne, look, youíve got to come down here," Balki
explains, "Bring cash to pay the fine. Okay? Okay?" Balki cups his
hand around the receiver again and says in the deep voice, "Iím saying
goodbye from a cave. Goodbye from . . . . "
Larry takes the receiver back again and
hands Balki back the ice cream cone. "Hello? Yeah? Yeah, Mary Anne?
just . . . just tell Jennifer that thereís still plenty of time to . . . to
get there before the wedding. Is . . . is . . . is that the band setting
up?" After a moment Larry comments, "Thatís just her? Okay, bye
bye." Larry hangs up the phone. A Detective named Albertson approaches
Officer Cole and says, "Gary, I need
some male volunteers for a lineup." "Iíve always dreamed of being in
a lineup!" Balki exclaims. "Uh, no, no, no, no, no," Larry
insists, "No, no, no. Any other day would be fine but, uh . . . today is my
wedding day. My brideís a little upset, so if . . . if you donít mind . . .
" "You just volunteered!" Detective Albertson says, and he starts
to lead Larry and Balki away as Balki says, "Oh boy!"
Balki and Larry enter the lineup room
which has a height chart printed on the back wall. An officer stands to the side
and Balki smiles at him. Detective Albertsonís voice on a loudspeaker
instructs, "All right, walk to the left, please." Larry and Balki walk
to the left, Balki sidestepping. Balki sees the chart and asks, "Cousin,
what this?" "Tells you how tall you are," Larry explains.
takes Larry by the face and pushes him back against the wall where Larry comes
up at 5' 6". "Thatís funny, Cousin," Balki comments, "You
. . . you always told me you were five-ten." "I am," Larry
states, "The floor slopes." "Maybe we should tell Detective
Albertson about that," Balki suggests, and he steps forward calling out,
"Detective Albertson!" Larry steps forward and takes Balkiís arm,
saying, "I . . . Iím sure he knows. Iím sure he knows."
addresses the unseen Detective, saying, "Uh, listen, uh . . . could we move
this along because I . . . I have to be somewhere." A very large and tough
looking man enters the room and steps over to Balki and Larry.
"Oh, look Cousin, weíve got
company!" Balki says happily, and he approaches the man saying,
"Hello. My name is Balki and this my Cousin Larry." Larry pulls Balki
away from the man. "Balki, we have no time for this," Larry scolds.
"Cousin, I was just trying to be polite," Balki explains. "Iím
Rudy," the large man says nicely, extending a hand to shake, "Itís a
pleasure to make your acquaintance." Balki steps forward and hugs Rudy, who
hugs Balki back. Rudy then gives Larry a serious look and states, "Even
when one is incarcerated, manners are important." "What am I always
telling you?" Balki asks Larry. Larry holds up his hands and agrees,
"You are absolutely right." A moment later another man is pushed into
the lineup room by a plain clothes detective. "All right, all right, Iím
going!" the man insists. "Stand on the numbers," Detective
Albertson instructs. The four men stand on the numbers on the floor with the new
man ending up next to Balki.
After a moment, Balki turns to the new man
and begins, "Hi, my name is Balki and . . . " Balki stops, his mouth
hanging open, as he finds himself looking at a man who looks exactly like Larry
in every way, including his clothing! Balki look at Larry and then shakes his
head before speaking to the new man again. "And . . . and, uh . . . uh . .
. wwowww. This is like looking into a mirror . . . if Cousin Larry was standing
in front of it." "Well, this is, uh, really throwing off my schedule,
guys," Larry complains, "If . . . if we could just move this
along." "Number four, pipe down and face front," Detective
Albertson orders. The room is suddenly flooded with bright light. "Now,
take your time, Mrs. Marshall, and tell me if, uh, any of these men look like
the person who robbed your store last night," Detective Albertson says.
"Thatís him! The one on the end!" Mrs. Marshall exclaims, "The
one with the curly hair and no upper lip!" Larry is looking down the line
to see who she is talking about. "Number four, step forward,"
Detective Albertson instructs. Larry suddenly realizes the woman is talking
about him. "No! No, no, no, no," Larry argues as he steps forward,
"No, uh . . . no, no, it wasnít me. It wasnít me. It was . . . it was .
. . well, well, it was probably him!"
Larry points to the man who looks just
like him. "He . . . he has much less of a lip than I do." "Oh no,
Cousin, he got twice the lip you got," Balki contradicts. "Balki,
Balki, donít help," Larry insists as Balki tries to keep talking, "All right, donít help!
do anything! Donít talk!" "Itís a line!
You have nothing!"
Balki continues. "Not another word!" Larry continues, "Not
another word! Not a single, solitary word!" Balki remains quiet.
speaks to the unseen observers, offering, "I . . . I . . . I couldnít
have robbed a store last night because I was at home. I was at home . . . I was
with Balki. I just . . . I . . . tell them, Balki. Tell them I was with you.
Tell them." Balki crosses his arms and remains silent. "Talk!"
Larry orders, "You . . . you can talk now. Tell them." Balki turns to
Larryís double and asks, "Are you subject to wild mood swings like my
Cousin Larry?" Larry steps back to Balki and grabs him, ordering,
"Tell them!" "I wish youíd make up your mind," Balki
sighs, and then he tells the people, "Yeah, I was with Cousin Larry last
night." "Good news, Mrs. Marshall," Detective Albertson states,
"We have the driver of the getaway car, too. Book Ďem both!"
looks shocked and Balki looks thrilled. "Cousin, you won and Iím first
runner-up!" Balki exclaims happily as the officer walks over to them to
lead them away as Balki smiles and waves like the winner of a contest and the
scene fades to black.
Later that day, Mary Anne enters the
police station, calling, "Balki?" "Mary Anne!" Balki calls
from the holding cell where he and Larry are sitting.
"Oh Balki!" Mary
Anne cries, running to the cell and climbing up onto the bars so she can press
her face closer to Balkiís. "Oh Mary Anne!" Balki cries, running to
meet her. "I . . . I was so worried about you," Mary Anne cries as she
manages to put her arms around Balki through the bars, "Are you all
right?" "Yeah, Iím okay," Balki assures her. "Oh,
wait for you no matter how many years you rot in this stinking hellhole,"
Mary Anne insists. "Mary Anne, when I get out of the big house weíll make
a fresh start," Balki promises dramatically, "A guy can change!"
"Balki, will you stop it?" Larry cries, "We didnít do
anything!" "Thatís what makes it so tragic!" Balki sobs.
"Stop . . . just . . . now . . . stop it," Larry insists, pulling
Balki away from the bars, "Stop it! Never mind all this! Stop!"
Anne steps down from the bars as Larry asks, "Whereís Jennifer? Is she
all right?" "Oh, sheís much better," Mary Anne reports,
"She was right behind me." Larry turns to look at the door with Mary
Anne and Jennifer walks in and approaches the cell.
"Oh! Jennifer! Jennifer! Jennifer!" Larry cries happily, "Oh God!
Oh! Jennifer! Jennifer!" Larry reaches out through the bars desperately,
but Jennifer stands just out of
his reach. "I missed you so much!" Larry says, "I missed you so
much and I am so sorry. Iíll . . . Iíll make this up to you. Iíll make
this up to you. I . . . " Larry finally pulls back and says, "I . . .
I . . . I know youíre angry and you have every right to be." "Iím
not angry," Jennifer says calmly. Larry turns to address Balki and Mary
Anne, who have moved to the other side of the cell to embrace through the bars,
"Did you hear that? Am I lucky or what? I am marrying the most forgiving
woman in the world!" Larry again reaches through the bars, trying to reach
Jennifer, but she stays where she is. "Larry, you donít understand,"
Jennifer explains, "Iím not angry because Iíve made a decision. What
happened today was a sign. We shouldnít get married." Larry pulls back
and gasps, "What?" "We shouldnít get married," Jennifer
repeats, "We shouldnít have gotten engaged. I shouldnít have moved to
Chicago. I should have stayed in Iowa and gone into the family corn-canning
business." "But Jennifer, you donít know what youíre saying,"
Larry argues. "Yes, I do," Jennifer insists, "Larry Iíve given
this a lot of thought. I canít go through with this. Iím going back to
Larry quietly replies, "Okay. Okay.
should have seen this coming. I fall in love with a beautiful woman, she falls
in love with me . . . I knew it was too good to be true. Nothing works out for
Larry Appleton. Iíll think of you whenever I eat creamed corn."
"Thanks," Jennifer responds, "Iíll think of you whenever I
watch ĎAmericaís Most Wanted.í" Larry slowly walks to the back of the
cell and sits on the bench. Balki crosses to Jennifer and says, "Jennifer .
. . Jennifer, come on." "Iím sorry, Balki," Jennifer sighs.
Balki walks to the back of the cell and sits with Larry as Mary Anne walks to
Jennifer and says, "I donít believe this! What are you doing?"
nudges Larryís arm and asks, "Cousin?" "Balki, itís
over," Larry sighs. "Now wait just a minute!" Balki suddenly
exclaims as he grabs Larry by the wrist and pulls him up and over to the bars,
"Just listen to me, the two of you!" Mary Anne pushes Jennifer closer
to the cell. "Come over here," Balki tells Jennifer, and then he
reaches through the bars and grabs her wrist, pulling her closer and saying,
"Come right over here! Youíre being ridiculous! Now donít be!
always plan for . . . for every little thing . . . every little problem that
might come up. And then when a little problem does come up that you didnít
plan for you go to pieces!"
"So okay . . . when life gives you
lemons, make furniture polish," Balki continues, "Youíre throwing
away all the joys of being married for what? This is what they call throwing out
the baby with the trough water. And you will regret that for the rest of your
life. Now you better start talking." Balki steps back and pushes Larry
toward the bars where Jennifer meets him. "Larry, I really donít want to
go back to Iowa and canned corn," Jennifer admits. "Well, I donít
want you to go back to Iowa and canned corn," Larry agrees. "Well, you
canít go back to Iowa and canned corn," Mary Anne reminds her, "Your
parents sold the farm and moved to Florida, remember?" "Oh
right," Jennifer realizes, "Larry, I want to marry you." "And I want to marry you," Larry agrees.
"Well, uh . . . maybe we
could change our plans," Jennifer suggests with some nervousness. "Well, I . . . I . . . I wanna go with the flow but . . . but . . . I . . .
I just donít know what to do without my clipboard," Larry admits. Balki
slaps Larry on the back of the head. "You donít need a clipboard,
Cousin," Balki assures him, "You donít need a plan. All you have to
do is know what you want and go for it. Now what do you want?" Larry and
Jennifer look at each other.
The next scene takes place some time later
in the police station. Balki and Larry are in the jail cell with Rudy and Larryís
double. Larry is wearing a tuxedo and Balki is wearing this Myposian tuxedo and
talking on the telephone, which has been pulled inside the cell. "Yeah, oh
uh . . . Reverend Peters wants us to get started." Balki turns to Rudy and
asks nicely, "Rudy, please." Rudy starts playing the beginning of
"The Wedding March" on his harmonica as Balki holds up the phone
receiver toward him. They turn to look at the door and Mary Anne enters in her
beautiful pink bridesmaidís dress. A moment later Jennifer enters wearing a
gorgeous classic-style white wedding dress. Jennifer stops at the jail cell as
Larry lowers the body of the telephone, which heíd been holding, to the floor
outside the cell. "Very nice, Rudy," Balki praises, then he listens to
the receiver again and continues, "Oh, okay. Uh, Reverend Peters says that,
uh . . . heís ready to begin. He . . . heís got all the wedding guests
gathered around the speaker phone." Balki listens a moment into the
receiver and then instructs, "Okay, he says you should join hands."
Behind Balki, Rudy and Larryís double
hold each othersí hands. Balki notices this and scolds, "Not you."
They release each othersí hands. "Sit down, please," Balki asks, and
the two men sit on the bench behind them. "Okay, I got that," Balki
says into the receiver, then he recites to Jennifer and Larry as he listens to
the Reverend on the other end of the phone, "Dearly beloved . . . we are
gathered here today to join Cousin Larry and future Cousin Jennifer . . . in
holy macaroni. Do you, future Cousin Jennifer take Cousin Larry . . . to be your
awful wedded husband? For rich man, for poor man . . . for butter or moist . . .
" There is a pause as Balki listens into the receiver and insists,
"Well, I . . . IĎm doing the best I can! This whole thing would go much
more smoothly if I just married them the Myposian way. Would that be all right
with you?" Balki lowers the receiver and tells Jennifer and Larry, "He
says itís all right with him. Is it all right with you if I marry you the
Myposian way?" "There isnít any livestock involved, is there?"
Jennifer asks. "Well, of course not! Donít be ridiculous!" Balki
replies. Larry nods and says, "Go ahead, Balki."
"Okay," Balki says as he sets
down the phone receiver and addresses Jennifer and Larry, "The Myposian
wedding ceremony is very simple. Mary Anne, have you got the ring?"
"Yes," Mary Anne replies. "Give it to the future Cousin
Jennifer," Balki instructs as she does so, "Okay, put the ring on
Cousin Larryís finger and repeat after me . . . Cousin, I give you this ring .
. . " "Cousin, I give you this ring . . . " Jennifer repeats.
" . . . as a symbol of my promise to love you and to cherish you . . .
" Balki continues. " . . . as a symbol of my promise to love you and
to cherish you . . . " " . . . and to tend the flock if you ever get a
cold." " . . . and to tend the flock if you ever get a cold."
Balki hands Larry Jenniferís ring and says, "Cousin, put the ring on her
finger and repeat after me . . . Jennifer, I give you this ring . . . "
"Jennifer, I give you this ring . . . " Larry repeats. " . . . as
a symbol of my promise to love you and to cherish you . . . " " . . .
as a symbol of my promise to love you and to cherish you . . . " " . .
. and to chew your food if you lose all your teeth." " . . . and to
chew your food if you lose all your teeth."
"This is the part where you tell each
other how you feel," Balki explains and he motions for Larry to go ahead.
"I feel really good," Larry smiles at Jennifer. Balki places a hand on
Larryís shoulder and says, "No . . . you tell each other from the bottom
of your heart how you feel about pledging yourself to one another." Larry
lowers his voice and mumbles, "Well, I . . . I donít, uh . . . think Iím
comfortable with doing that." "Cousin, I know you donít have it
planned but if you cannot tell Jennifer how you feel about her now . . . what
are you saving it for?" Balki points out. Larry looks at Jennifer and
begins, "Jennifer . . . when we first met I . . . I . . . I never dreamed
that . . . that weíd be getting married . . . and I just hoped that youíd go
out with me and . . . and to this day I . . . I havenít figured out why you
did. And Balkiís right. I . . . I canít plan everything thatís gonna
happen in my life. But I can plan on spending my life with you. I love you,
"Larry, I went out with you because .
. . " Jennifer begins, then she stops, having to think about it. "Well, I . . . Iím sure I had a good reason.
No, I know I had
a good reason. Youíre sweet and funny and kind and . . . and no matter what
lies ahead I want to share the unexpected with you. I love you, Larry."
"Now comes the part of the ceremony where I, as official giver of the vows,
get to tell you how I feel about the two of you," Balki explains, and he
places his hands around theirs and begins, "Cousin Larry, I never had a
brother . . . Cousin Jennifer, I never had a sister. If I did, Iíd pray they
wouldnít be as neurotic as you two. But I couldnít love them any more than I
love you two. I wish you a long and happy married life. By the power infested in
me by Reverend Peters, the state of Illinois and his majesty King Ferdinand of
Mypos . . . " Balki gets down on one knee and does an odd little head and
butt shaking routine before getting back to his feet. " . . . I now
pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." Larry and Jennifer
share a romantic kiss through the prison bars. Rudy and Larryís double have
stood up to watch again.
"This is so moving!" Larryís
double cries, "Okay, I canít let you take the rap for me. I confess!
robbed the liquor store!" "Would you sit down?" Balki asks.
and Larryís double sit down again as Larry and Jennifer continue to kiss.
short time later, Mary Anne and the members of the police force are assembled on
the brick stairway coming down from the station. Balki runs out of the station
and calls, "Okay, everybody, get ready! Here they come!" Balki stands
next to Mary Anne as Jennifer and Larry emerge from the police station and run
down the stairs as everyone throws birdseed over them. Jennifer stops at the
foot of the stairs to throw her bouquet over her shoulder. Mary Anne and a young
police woman get in a bit of a scuffle to get into position, but Mary Anne
finally knocks her aside and is successful in catching the bouquet. Larry and
Jennifer then run to the car, which has been decorated with a sign in the back
that reads, "Just Married," as well as cans and shoes tied to the
fender. "Bye, Cousin!" Balki calls. "Bye!" Mary Anne also
calls as they wave goodbye. "Bye, Cousin Jennifer!" Balki calls.
Mustang drives away down the tree-lined street and the episode ends.
There are quite a few differences between the
shooting script dated July 24, 1991 and the final episode:
the script we learn that Larry's look-alike is actually named Jack.
- The voice of Mrs. Marshall is listed
as "To Be Announced," but she never ended up getting credit in the
scene marked "Scene A" was omitted from the script.
first scene actually began with Balki saying, "Cousin, if we don't go any
faster, they're gong to have to increase the population of this town by
two." "Balki, I know what I'm doing," Larry insists,
"It's not everyday I get married, and I've planned every detail down to the
second. I've calculated the safest speed from our house to the Westridge
Country Inn where Jennifer and I will be married in exactly six hours and
twenty-seven minutes. And I might point out we're making great
time." This is when Larry points out that they weren't scheduled to
pass the feed store for another thirty-five seconds.
- After Balki says he was just driving
along trying to avoid getting paper cuts on his face, Larry counters, "Oh,
so now you're saying this is my fault?" "If the shoe fits, where
is it?" Balki replies. "It can't be my fault," Larry
insists, "I wasn't the one driving." Balki then points out how
Larry was telling him to "slow down, turn here, etc."
- After Officer Cole asks for Balki's
license and registration, Balki replies, "Cousin Larry has the marriage
license and they're registered at Marshall Fields. But just between you
and me, they're up to their elbows in salad bowls. I have my eye on the
little sugar tongs." "He means give him your driver's license
and the car's registration," Larry explains. "Then why didn't he
say so?" Balki asks, then says to the officer, "You know, for someone
who deals with the public on a daily basis, your communication skills are
woefully inadequate." Balki gets out his license and the car's
registration and Larry asks if there's a problem.
- After Balki tells Officer Cole the
whole wedding is in mint green and pink, Larry continues to explain, "So we
left Chicago at four o'clock this morning." "The napkins have
the most adorable little cherubs on them," Balki adds. "I know
it's only a two hour trip, but I wanted to make sure we got there in plenty of
time, without speeding."
- In this version, both Balki and
Larry ask simultaneously, "Are you going to give us a ticket?"
- As the officer is about the leave,
Balki says, "They could also use a serving platter."
"Thanks for the tip," Officer Cole replies. "Balki, change
places with me," Larry says, "I'm going to drive the rest of the
way." "But I like to drive," Balki insists, "It gives
me a feeling of power, control. And I get to work the blinker."
"Balki, it's my car, my wedding and my blinker," Larry argues,
"I'm driving." Balki and Larry change places in the car.
"Are you sure you can see over the steering wheel without your little
pillow?" Balki asks. "Very funny," Larry replies, then he
asks Balki to help him more the seat up.
- While Balki is trying to tell Larry
about the car being in reverse, Larry argues, "Can I tell you, I've learned
an important lesson from all of this. Do you know what it is?"
"I'm sure I . . . " Balki begins. "If you want something
done right, you have to do it yourself," Larry finishes. "I have
no problem with that," Balki assures him, and he continues to try to tell
Larry about the car being in reverse.
- After Larry slaps Balki on the back
of the head, Balki tells Mary Anne, "Okay, here's what you have to
do. Try to get her breathing normally, then come down here and bring cash
to pay the fine."
- After Larry asks Mary Anne if the
background noise is the band setting up, he continues, "That's just
her? Amazing. No, no, I don't need to say goodbye to her. Just
get down here soon."
- After Detective Albertson tells
Officer Cole that he needs some male volunteers for a lineup, Balki exclaims,
"Did you hear that, Cousin? They need some male volunteers for a
lineup. I had no idea when we started out this morning that we'd get to be
in a line-up. I've always dreamed of being in a line-up. How many
guys get to be in a wedding and a line-up in the same day? I have only one
question." "What's a line-up," Larry guesses.
"That's right," Balki confirms. "They take a bunch of guys
and parade them in front of a crime witness to see if he can pick out the one
who committed the crime," Larry explains, "It's kind of like 'I've Got
a Secret' for felons." Detective Albertson and Officer Cole approach
Balki and Larry and Officer Cole says, "Detective Albertson would like you
two to be in a lineup." Larry protests and Detective Albertson says,
"You just volunteered," and leads them out. "Cousin, all
that talk about your bride being upset almost ruined it for us," Balki
- After Larry calls out in the line-up
room if they can't move this along because he has to be somewhere, he adds,
"We're way behind schedule. The releasing of the doves before the
ceremony is out." "I wouldn't worry about it, Cousin,"
Balki sighs, "They've been locked in the trunk since four o'clock this
- After they turn on the bright light
in the room, Balki says, "You know, we can't see a thing with that light in
our eyes." "You're not supposed to see anything," Detective
- Instead of saying, "He got
twice the lip you got," in this version Balki says, "No, Cousin, I'd
have to say you have less lip."
first scene of Act Two started a bit differently, with Larry and Balki in the
jail cell. "Cousin, look what I found on the floor," Balki says,
and he picks up a stone and says, "A jailhouse rock. Where do I come
up with them?" "My life is falling apart," Larry cries,
"My bride is having a nervous breakdown. And we've been arrested for
armed robbery. How can you make jokes at a time like this?"
"I don't know, Cousin," Balki says, "I just kind of live in the
- After Jennifer says that she should
have stayed in Iowa and gone into the family corn canning business, she adds,
"Corn is so uncomplicated, so dependable. Corn makes sense."
- Jennifer's line about thinking of
Larry whenever she watches America's Most Wanted is not in this script.
speech to Larry and Jennifer is somewhat different. It goes, "Listen
to the two of you. One little glitch and you're ready to throw the baby
out with the trough water. You always plan things so that you're ready for
any problem that comes up, but when a problem comes up that you didn't plan on,
you fall apart. Well, I've got news for you. Life doesn't fit on a
schedule. It's full of unexpected things. When life gives you
lemons, make furniture polish. If you let the fact that things didn't go
according to plan stop you from getting married, you're going to miss out on all
the happiness marriage can bring you and you'll regret it for the rest of your
Mary Anne points out that Jennifer can't go back to Iowa and Jennifer says,
"Oh, right," Balki says, "I thought she wanted to go to
- After Balki tells Larry that
Reverend Peters wants them to get started, he adds, "I think he's getting a
little hot under the collar."
Balki messes up the wedding vows and Reverend Peters complains, Balki says into
the phone, "Well, I'm doing the best I can. I've never been to an
American wedding before. I don't think I like your holier than thou
attitude. You know this would be much smoother if I married them the
Myposian way. Our ceremony is much more meaningful and poetic and there's
no mention of dairy products at all."
Jennifer asks Balki if the Myposian wedding ritual involved livestock, Balki
replies with "Don't be ridiculous," then says, "There's no need
for ushers in here."
- After Larry promises Jennifer that
he'll chew her food if she loses all her teeth, Rudy begins to weep.
"At this point the bride and groom show their willingness to see life from
the other person's point of view by putting on each other's clothes," Balki
explains, "You may disrobe." Rudy and Jack stand up.
"Sit down," Balki orders. Larry indicates there's no way they're
disrobing. "We'll skip to the end of the ceremony," Balki
suggests, and then tells them it's the part when they tell each other how they
- When Balki gets ready to do his
part, he begins, "As Official Giver of the Vows and Cutter of the
Headcheese . . . "
- The rest of the script is the same.
on to the next episode . . .