Strangers Episode Guide
127 - Citizenship, Part One
First Air Date: November 8, 1991
Filming Date: September 12 & 13, 1991
Nielsen Rating: 13.3 HH
Produced by: Alan Plotkin
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Barry OíBrien & Cheryl
Directed by: Judy Pioli
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous / Mama
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne Spencer
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Appleton
Belita Moreno: Miss Lydia Markham
Sam Anderson: Mr. Sam Gorpley
Justin Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous / Mama
Bartokomous (over the shoulder shots)
Dimitri Appearances: Dimitriís picture
is on the fireplace mantel. He can also be seen sitting on the bottom shelf
inside the stereo console to the left of the fireplace. Dimitri also has a
moving scene near the end when Balki gives him to Larry before he goes back to
"Well, Iíll be an official citizen
of the USA as soon as I go down to the Federal building and get sworn at."
"She must have ESPN."
"Land of the free, home of the
"You can talk until the cows buy
homes . . . "
Donít be ridiculous: Not said in this
Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Wwowww!" (spoken by Mama)
"Balki!" the way Mama usually
yells it over the phone
"Where do I come up with them?"
(spoken by Mama)
Other running jokes used in this episode:
Mama pushed Larry away by the face in the
"Go on with you!" way
Mama laughs at her own joke
Larry sniffs at the air
Notable Moment: Balki passes his
Mama Bartokomous visits America
Songs: "Hawaii Five-0 Theme" -
sung by Mama as she gyrates
"Yankee Doodle Dandy" - sung by
Balki after he passes his citizenship test
"Natural Woman" - sung by Mama
as she shows Larry the fancy evening gown sheís bought
"Chain of Fools" - sung by Mama
as she prepares dinner
"Little Deuce Coupe" - sung by
Mama when she thinks Balki is getting his driverís license
Myposian Rituals: Mama gives Balki a
chicken foot with one toe missing, which is the symbol of a Myposian motherís
- Part one of this two-part episode was
filmed before small audience of high school students, so it was not open to the
general public. You can read more about this special filming in our On the Scene
. . . report.
- The Mama make up took five hours to
complete and entailed Bronson being covered almost entirely with nylon and foam
with special appliances to the face, as well as sixteen pound breasts. A special
undergarment developed by NASA was used to keep Bronson cool. It could be hooked
up to a machine where cooling solution could be pumped in to bring his body
temperature down. The earrings that Mama wore actually belonged to Bronsonís
great-grandmother named Fortunata. We will be posting a special behind the
scenes video of this process next week on our YouTube Channel.
- Already a favorite with Arsenio Hall,
Bronson made a special appearance on The Arsenio Hall Show, where he was
interviewed as Mama in the audience. This interview can be seen on our YouTube
- The same green screen special effects
used for the filming of Because Theyíre Cousins in season five are used
here, and once again Bronsonís younger brother, Justin, is brought in to play
both Balki and Mama as seen from behind and over the shoulder. Justin only
needed to wearing the padding, dress and wig, however, and did not need to
endure all the extensive Mama face makeup.
- When Mama shouts, "Whereís the
beef?" sheís making a reference to the popular Wendyís commercials
starring Clara Peller as one of the old ladies trying to locate the beef in a
competitorís tiny burger (Clara is the actress who actually got to shout the
- When Mama says, "Goodnight, John
Boy," she is referring to the end of most of The Waltons episodes in
which the Waltons would call good night to each other, ending with
"Goodnight, John Boy."
- This episode marks the first time which
Miss Lydia and Mr. Gorpley show any romantic inclination to each other. In
previous episodes they had only displayed animosity and loathing for each other.
Their relationship must have developed in the same way as Beatrice and Benedictís
in the Shakespeare play Much Ado About Nothing, in which they constantly
traded cutting barbs but in truth had deeper feelings for one another.
- Once again the characters are seen
drinking a mysterious blue liquid when they toast Mama around the dinner table.
We still presume this was some kind of Myposian beverage which was never
identified in the aired episodes.
- This episode also marks the first time
that a preview of the second half of a two part episode is shown at the end of
the first half.
Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- When Balki enters the basement he says,
"Cousin Larry, I got your mail back." But where was Cousin Larryís
mail? To find out, read the Script Variations below!
- Balki is going to show Mama the building
but when she gets into the elevator he lets her go alone?
- There's an interesting alternative shot to watch
for in the previews of the second part. Larry tears up his airline ticket
and throws it into the air, with most of it landing in Balki's omelet.
But in part two when Larry tears up his airline ticket and throws it into the
air, it lands on the ground! Balki actually takes the ticket and then dips
it in the omelet to stick it back together again.
The episode begins one evening at the
house. Larry is coming in through the front door dragging a huge wooden box with
him. "Jennifer! Mary Anne!" Larry calls, setting the box onto its
side. Mary Anne and Jennifer run into the living room as Larry says, "Hi.
Is Balki here?" "No, heís still downtown taking his citizenship
test," Mary Anne answers. "Good," Larry sighs, "I . . . I
have a surprise for Balki." "You got him a wooden box," Mary Anne
deduces, "He doesnít have one that size." "No, thatís not the
surprise," Larry explains, "See, I arranged to have Balkiís mother
flown over from Mypos so she could witness Balki being sworn in as a U.S.
citizen. I just picked her up from the airport." Mary Anneís eyes grow
wide and she runs to the box, pulling Larry away and shouting, "Oh my God!
Weíve gotta get her out of there!" "Mary Anne, Balkiís Mama is not
in that crate!" Jennifer insists, then she thinks a moment and asks Larry,
"Is she, Larry?"
"No, no, no!" Larry assures
them, "No, thatís . . . thatís her luggage. Uh, Balkiís Mama is, uh .
. . outside." Larry walks to the door and looks out. "Sheís, uh . .
. sheís staring at the mailbox. Sheís never seen one before."
"Cousin Larry!" Mama calls, and then she enters through the door and
runs to Larry, saying, "Cousin Larry!" She chatters excitedly in
Myposian and then runs back outside. There is the sound of something being
pulled from the ground and Mama re-enters the house carrying the mailbox on its
post as she continues to speak in Myposian. Larry turns to the girls and
explains, "She says sheís going to take this little tree with her back to
Mypos." "Well, Larry, I . . . I didnít know you spoke Myposian,"
Jennifer notes. "Well, I . . . I picked up a lot, uh . . . living with
Balki and . . . and I took his, uh, Myposian / English dictionary so that I
could, uh, communicate with her." "Walkin di cookin di bichinki,"
Mama comments. "She loves our . . . our beautiful walk-in kitchen,"
Larry translates as Mama walks to the fireplace. Mama grabs the fireplace screen
and tosses it aside then steps into the fireplace to look around.
Mama straightens and exclaims, "Wwowww!"
"She says ĎWow,í" Larry translates. "Does she speak any
English at all?" Mary Anne asks. "Uh, yeah, a little," Larry
replies, "Uh, she learned English, uh, from watching American TV
shows." "American TV shows, yes!" Mama confirms, stepping forward
as he recites, "ĎLucy! Iím home!í ĎHeeeereís Johnny!í
Ďem, Danno.í" She starts to sing the theme song from "Hawaii
Five-O," gyrating her body to the music. Larry walks over to her and tries
to make her stop, saying, "Mama . . . Mama . . . Mama . . . " He
explains to the girls, "She likes everyone to call her ĎMama.í"
"Mama, yes," Mama finishes her song with a smile. "Mama, this . .
. this is my wife, uh . . . Jennifer," Larry introduces. "Jennifer!" Mama smiles as she hugs Jennifer, "Hello, Jennifer.
Hello. Very pretty. Very, very pretty. Very nice! Yes!"
"And this is,
uh . . . this is Mary Anne," Larry continues. "Mary Anna! Mary
Anne!" Mama exclaims as she hugs Mary Anne, "Very, very nice.
very sweet . . . itta pretty . . . "
Mama starts to look at Mary Anneís build
and asks, "Hey, where the hippi? Whereís the beef? Make, uh . . . maki .
. . maki babiki? Itti . . . itti Balki? No, I donít think so.
Thatís a big
no-can-do." The sound of a car driving up and a car horn sounding catches
their attention. "What is that?" Mama asks. "Larry, Balki just
drove up," Jennifer notes. "Balki! Balki!" Mama calls, trying to
get to the door. Larry stops her, explaining, "Now we want this to be a
surprise, Mama." "Balki," Mama asks as Larry leads her to the
closet at the foot of the stairs. "We . . . we want to surprise him, so youíre
gonna have to hide in here, okay?" Larry explains, opening the door for
her, "Right in here." Mama steps into the closet and makes a comment
in Myposian, saying, "Ooh yes!" She starts to pick things up from the
closet floor and throw them out into the room. "Yes . . . no, Mama,"
Larry tries to stop her, "No, Mama . . . Mama . . . Mama . . . this is not
your room." Mama keeps speaking in Myposian as Larry tries to explain,
"Not your room. No, we just want you to hide. We just want you to hide in
here." Mama keeps talking so Larry gives in and says, "Okay . . . this
is your room . . . this is your room. Here you go. Here you go.
All right. There
you are." Larry closes the door behind Mama.
Balki runs into the house singing, "Iím
almost a Yankee Dood-lee Dandy! A Yankee Dood-lee do or die! I passed my
citizenship test!" Everyone is excited and they each give Balki a hug in
turn. "I knew you could do it," Larry states. "Well, Iíll be an
official citizen of the USA as soon as I go down to the Federal building and get
sworn at," Balki explains, "I canít wait to call Mama and tell her
that soon Uncle Sam will really be my uncle!" Balki runs to the phone by
the couch and picks up the receiver to dial. "Well, hold on, Balki,"
Larry urges. "No later, Cousin, Iíve got to call Mama," Balki says.
"Balki!" Mamaís muffled voice calls from the closet. Balki stops
dialing and looks shocked. "Mama?" Balki asks into the receiver.
"Balki!" Mamaís voice calls again. "Cousin, this is
amazing," Balki gasps, "I . . . I didnít even dial and . . . and yet
she knew I was . . . I was calling! She must have ESPN." Balki lifts the
phone receiver to his ear and says, "Mama? Mama, itís me!
"Balki!" Mama calls from the closest. "Balki . . . " Larry
tries to get Balkiís attention. "Mama?" Balki says into the phone.
"Balki!" Mama calls from the closest. "Balki . . . " Larry
tries to get Balkiís attention. "Mama?" Balki says into the phone.
"Balki!" "Balki . . . " "Mama?"
"Balki!" Mama calls. "Balki
. . . " Larry tries again. "Balki!" Mama calls loudly and Larry
hits the closest door to make her stop calling. "Oh!" Mama cries.
Balki looks up from the phone at last. "Balki, Mamaís not on the
phone," Larry explains, "Sheís here!" Larry opens the closet
door and Mama emerges, holding her arms out and calling, "Balki!
Balki, my babiki!" "Mama! Mama!" Balki exclaims and he and his Mama hug
warmly as Mama speaks Myposian. Balki kisses her cheek and they continue to hug.
"Oh Balki," Mama smiles as they finally part. "Mama says Iím
her baby and she loves me," Balki explains. "Mama she latiki,"
Mama says. "Mama says she want to go to her room and relax," Balki
translates. "Yes," Mama sighs, and she walks to Mary Anne and gives
her a looking over again, sighing, "No . . . no, no." She walks to
Jennifer and says, "Yes," as she grabs Jenniferís top front teeth
and pulls on them. She then pats and pinches Larryís cheek, walking away and
sighing, "Ah, Cousin Larry!" Mama walks over to the television set and
unplugs it, commenting on the make of TV, "Quasar!" She carries the TV
to the closet and sets it inside, then says, "Goodnight, John Boy,"
before closing the closet door behind her. On everyoneís reactions, the scene
fades to black.
Act two begins in the basement of the
Chicago Chronicle. Larry is at his desk, looking through a file. Mary Anne and
Jennifer enter, walking on either side of Mama Bartokomous, who has several
shopping bags in her hands. "Cousin Larry!" Mama calls. "Mama!" Larry greets her.
"Look at this! Mama shoparuniki!" She giggles as they approach Larryís desk.
"What is all this?" Larry
asks, "I . . . I . . . I thought you were just taking Mama
sightseeing." "She wanted some souvenirs," Jennifer explains,
"Apparently itís a Myposian tradition. If you can lift it . . . itís
yours." "Looki . . . " Mama says as she reaches into one of the
bags and pulls out a "Tow Away Zone" sign which she hands to Larry.
"Oh, well, lovely!" Larry comments. "You like?" Mama asks as
she reaches for another bag. "Lovely," Larry repeats, "Yes, uh
huh . . . " Larry sets the sign down on his desk. Mama then hands him the
body of a parking meter. "This a statement . . . of something," Mama
"Well, did . . . did she buy
anything?" Larry asks, "You make any, uh . . . purchasikis?"
"Purchasiki!" Mama exclaims excitedly, and she turns to reach in
another bag. She starts to sing, "You make me feel . . . you make me feel .
. . you make me feel like a natural woman," as she pulls out a shiny,
slinky blue evening dress. "Well . . . well . . . well, Mama, you are going
to look lovely in that," Larry notes. Mama doesnít understand so Larry
tries, "Mama . . . Mama sex pistoliki." "Oh! No," Mama says
shyly, laughing as she pushed away Larryís face. "No, I mean it,"
Larry smiles. "Oh, go on . . . !" Mama laughs. Larry confirms his
statement and Mama pushes him away roughly on his face, then pulls him back,
laughing and saying, "Cousin Larry pooki." "You know, you . . .
you just missed Balki," Larry says. "Balki?" Mama asks, then she
starts to call loudly, "Balki! Balki! Balki! Balki!"
the dress from Mama and puts it back in the bag. "Heíll be back in a
minute," Larry assures Mama, "In a microseci." "Okay,"
"Uh, Larry, we have to be
going," Jennifer says, "Weíve been running all morning. First we
took Mama to see the city." "City," Mama repeats, "Wiggly
Field." "Then we took her shopping," Jennifer continues.
"Charge it," Mama states, "Yes." "But her favorite
thing was the escalator," Mary Anne reports. "Escalator!" Mama
says intensely, "Escalator! Escalator!" She walks to the stairs and
steps onto the bottom step, cooing, "Escalator." She stands and waits
for it to move. She moves her legs, trying to get it started, then grows
increasingly frustrated. "Mama . . . Mama . . . " Larry tries to tell
her, "Itís broken." "Hmm?" Mama asks. "Itís
broken," Larry explains, "Bustakaki." "Oh, bummer,"
Mama sighs and she steps down then kicks the bottom step before walking back
with Larry to the girls. "Good luck, Larry," Jennifer offers.
"Bye bye . . . bye bye," Larry says as he hurries to Jennifer to kiss
her. "Oh yes," Mama smiles, "Yes, very nice. Very pretty.
Goodbye. Goodbye." Mama grabs Jenniferís upper front teeth and pulls on
them again. "These are very nice. Donít forget to brush and floss,"
Mama notes, then she steps to Mary Anne and says, "And you got to . . .
eat. Okay? Eat . . . eat . . . " She motions with her hand for Mary Anne to
go. As Mary Anne and Jennifer head to the parking garage, Mary Anne notes,
"She hates me."
Mr. Gorpley runs out of the archives
chased by Miss Lydia. Both are giggling in a flirtatious manner and Mr. Gorpleyís
shirt is hanging out. "And you said you werenít ticklish!" Lydia
laughs as they run across the room. As soon as they see Larry and Mama they stop
and look embarrassed. "Um, I was just helping Lydia with some
research," Gorpley explains as he tucks his shirt back in. "Uh, Mama,
these are . . . are two friends of . . . of Balkiís," Larry explains.
"Balki! Balki!" Mama says as she approaches them with her arms open.
"This is, uh . . . Mr. Gorpley and Miss Lydia," Larry introduces.
"You are friend Balki?" Mama asks Mr. Gorpley as she pats his face,
"Very, very nice. Nice, thank you." Gorpley smiles uncomfortably and
moves away. Mama then addresses Lydia, saying, "Thank you. Very, very
sweet. Very pretty! Thank you." "Does she speak any English?" Mr.
Gorpley asks Larry. "Um, not really," Larry answers. "Oh
good," Mr. Gorpley smiles and he says to her, "Mrs. Bartokomous, your
son is an idiot."
"Oh, wise guy, Ďey?" Mama
replies a la Curly Howard of the Three Stooges. She pinches his nose and slaps
the pinch downward with her other hand, then does the Curly Shuffle back to
Larry, barking like Curly. She moves to poke Larry in the eyes but Larry blocks
her with his hand. "She may not speak English but she understands a
lot," Larry explains. "Yes," Mama agrees. Lydia giggles, then
takes Mr. Gorpleyís hand to lead him away, saying, "Come on, Sam. Iíll
take you to lunch. But if anyone sees us we are not together." "Cousin
Larry, I got your mail back," Balki says as he walks into the basement from
the loading dock. He sees his mother and exclaims, "Mama!"
"Balki, babiki," Mama smiles. "Mama, eh . . . I . . . I want to show you the
building. Come on!" Balki motions for Mama to follow him, "Come
on!" The stop at the elevator and Balki explains slowly, "Mama, ini
ina elevator." Mama presses the button and the elevator doors open, causing
Mama to exclaim, "Wwowww!" She steps inside and says, "Housewares
. . . notions . . . ladiesí dresses going up!" As she says the last one
she raises her skirt just a little and bursts out laughing at her own joke,
exclaiming, "Where do I come up with them?" She presses the button and
the elevator doors close.
That night at the house, Mama is in the
kitchen cooking dinner. "Balki!" she calls as she prepares to take a
casserole dish out of the oven, "Cousin Larry! Mrs. Cousin Larry!
Skinny Minny!" Mama dances to the counter to set down the dish as she sings
"Chain of Fools." Larry, Jennifer and Mary Anne enter the kitchen.
"Oh!" Jennifer says, "Mama, everything looks beautiful!"
"Thanks," Mama smiles. Larry sniffs at the air and notes, "Ah!
Snout." "Would you give me your recipe?" Mary Anne asks, "I
hear the way to a manís heart is through his snout." "Mary Anna,
come," Mama motions her over, then she gets a spoonful of the mixture
surrounding the pig snout and spoon feeds a bite to Mary Anne, "You come.
Eat." "Mmmm!" Mary Anne nods, as Mama gets another spoonful and
makes her eat it as well. "Mmm mmm!" Mary Anne continues to nod
politely. "Very, very nice," Mama says sweetly, then she grabs Mary
Anne around the middle and starts to force feed her, saying, "Come over
here!" Mary Anne flails for help and Jennifer runs to her, trying to pull
her away and saying, "Mama . . . " Mama feeds Jennifer a spoonful as
"Oh, all right, all right, all
right!" Larry steps in, pulling the girls away, "Why donít . . . why
donít we all . . . why donít we all sit down, okay?" The girls sit down
as Mama shoves the spoon with a big snout sitting in it in Larryís face,
saying, "Take that . . . " "Whoa, no, no!" Larry cries,
"Mama, letís . . . letís sit down. Letís sit down, okay? Here we
go." Mama looks to the doorway and yells, "Balki! Balki!"
then shouts out in loud Myposian in a scolding tone, then her voice gets even
sharper and she yells, "Balki, come down . . . !" She continues in
Myposian, becoming emotional to the point where she looks like she might cry.
Larry has picked up the snout dish and explains, "Balki went to get
dessert." "Never mind," Mama smiles nicely. Larry sets the snout
dish on the table, saying, "Oh, there we are." Mama slowly sits down
in her chair as she huffs, "Okay . . . very nice." Balki enters
through the back kitchen door holding a pink bakery box. "Iíve got bad
news," he says seriously, "Can you believe in a . . . in a city the
size of Chicago not one single market carries goat gut pudding? Uh . . . I guess
weíre stuck with apple pie." "Weíll live with it," Larry
"Balki, sit . . . sit," Mama
urges. Balki sits at the table with everyone. "Well, itís time for a
toast," Larry says as he raises his glass and everyone follows suit except
Mama. "What is toast?" Mama asks. "Signifiki clinki
Balki explains. "Clinki tinki!" Mama understands as she picks up her
glass, "Well, go for it." "Iíd like to officially welcome Mama
to America," Larry offers. "Land of the free, home of the
Whopper," Mama recites. "Opto kinika chertiki cantiki andro po kimiga
boing boing boing boing . . . " Larry lets his voice trail off quietly.
"Cousin, uh . . . " Balki laughs, "Youíve, uh . . . youíve .
. . youíve made rather a humorous linguistic error. Um . . . Ďopto kinika
chertiki cantiki andro po kimiga boing boing boing boingí means a person who
has a driverís licence." "In my little deuce coupe . . . you donít
know what Iíve . . . little deuce coupe, you donít know what Iíve got . .
. " Mama sings. "Thank you, Mama," Balki smiles, then he
continues, "Uh, what . . . what you meant to say is that Iím going to
become an American citizen, which is Ďopto politicia certifantiki Americaniki
politaniki ping pong pong pong pong . . . Ď" Balki also lets his voice
trail off gently.
Mama gets to her feet, looking very angry.
"Mama? What the biggi dealiki?" Balki asks. "What the biggi
dealiki?" Mama shouts, then she screams out a long series of Myposian
complaints, including, "Balki Americaniki politaniki? Over my deadiki
bodiki!" "Mamaís upset," Balki tells the others, "She . .
. she . . . she thought she was coming over here to see me get my driverís
license?" Larry looks to Mama, who asks, "Cousin Larry . . . Balki
American citizen?" "Yes, Mama, heís becoming an . . . an American
citizen," Larry nods. "No more Mypiot?" Mama asks angrily.
"Thatís right, Mama," Larry answers worriedly. Mama reaches into her
apron pocket and pulls out a chicken foot with one toe missing. Balki looks
shocked. Mama walks around the table to Balki, having to push her way between
Mary Anneís chair and the counter and giving Mary Anne a dirty look in the
process. Mama says something Myposian to Balki and hands him the chicken foot,
which he takes from her. Mama then mumbles something else in Myposian and runs
from the kitchen crying.
"Okay," Larry says as he gets up
from the table, "Whatís going on?" "Uh . . . Cousin, she just
gave me the one thing a Myposian boy never wants to get from his Mama,"
Balki explains. "It looks like a chicken foot with one toe missing,"
Larry observes. "Itís a chicken foot with one toe missing," Balki
continues, "Itís the symbol of a Myposian mamaís deepest grief."
"Well, what is she grieving about?" Larry asks. "Well . . . well,
she . . . she always assumed I would go back to Mypos to live," Balki
explains. "Well, Balki, youíll just explain to your Mama that your life
is here now," Larry says, "Youíll go back to Mypos to visit."
"No, Cousin, you donít understand," Balki sighs, "Mama has
given me an ultimatum. Either I go back to Mypos with her or . . . or, uh . . .
I am no longer her son." "Balki, she canít mean that," Larry
says. "Cousin, she gave me the chicken foot, okay?" Balki points out,
"I . . . I have to go back to Mypos. Iím going to go upstairs and
pack." Everyone is shocked as Balki walks out of the kitchen.
The next morning, Balki carries a small
bag down the stairs with Cousin Larry, still wearing his pajamas and bathrobe,
following him. "Balki, you canít do this!" Larry protests as they
reach the front door, "Balki, you have got to listen to reason!"
"Cousin, weíve been over and over and over this," Balki sighs,
"You can talk until the cows buy homes but itís not going to change
anything." "Balki, if I just had a chance to talk to her Iím sure I
could change her mind," Larry suggests. "Well, itís too late,
Cousin," Balki says, "Sheís gone." Balki walks to the couch and
sets down his bag. "Gone?" Larry asks, "W . . . w . . . when did
she leave?" "This morning," Balki answers, "She . . . she
put her red eyes on the red eye." "Well, Balki, I am not gonna let you
follow Mama back to Mypos," Larry insists, "I mean, think of what youíll
be giving up. Your job is here, your girlfriend is here, your future is
here!" "I . . . I cannot break her heart," Balki sighs, "If
I did that I . . . I wouldnít be able to live with myself so Iím gonna . . .
I got to go back."
Balki picks up a bigger bag from the couch
and carries both bags to the front door. He reaches into the bigger bag and
pulls out Dimitri, handing him to Larry. "Take care of him for me,"
Balki says. Larry lets out a large sigh and asks, "Youíre really gonna do
this, arenít you?" "Yes, I am," Balki confirms. Larry looks at
him with hurt disbelief. "I already said goodbye to Jennifer and Mary
Anne," Balki continues, "Please tell them that Iím sorry I made them
cry." Larry shrugs hopelessly and says, "Well, I guess this is . . .
goodbye." Balki tries hard not to cry as he says, "Thank you . . .
thank you for . . . for everything that youíve done for me over the last five
years." "Well, I got back much more than I gave," Larry notes
sincerely. Balki steps forward and they share an embrace. Balki then turns and
opens the front door. He stops before leaving and looks back. "Iíll miss
you, Cousin Larry. Donít forget me." Balki walks away, closing the door
behind him. Larry stands alone holding Dimitri; stunned and not knowing what to
An establishing shot of the house is
accompanied by the caption "Four Days Later." Larry, Jennifer and Mary
Anne are eating dinner at the kitchen table. They all look miserable.
chair at the table is noticeably empty and everyone is just picking at their
food. "Iím sorry about the snout," Jennifer offers, "I . . . I
donít really have the hang of it yet." "Balki called today,"
Mary Anne offers, "He sends his love to everyone." "Well, Iím
glad he made it safely back to Mypos," Larry sighs. "Oh, Balki made it
safely back to Mypos but his luggage went to Skeptos," Mary Anne reports,
"He says as soon as he gets his clothes back heís gonna look for a
job." Mary Anne pauses then chokes back tears as she cries, "My heart
is breaking into a million pieces." "Oh, Mary Anne," Jennifer
comforts her friend, "Itís okay! Heíll write. Heíll visit."
"Jennifer, you are so naive," Mary Anne comments.
"All right, wait a minute,"
Larry says, "Listen to us. Weíre sitting around crying in our snout.
should never have let him go in the first place!" Larry throws down his
napkin and gets up from the table. "Iím going to Mypos!"
what?" Jennifer asks. "Iím going to Mypos and . . . and Iím gonna
bring Balki back home," Larry insists as he crosses to the phone and dials.
After a moment, Larry says into the receiver, "Hello? Transcontinental
Airways? Book me a seat on your next flight to Mypos." After a moment,
Larry repeats, "Mypos." Another moment passes and Larry starts to
spell it out, "M . . . Y . . . P . . . O . . . S." Jennifer and Mary
Anne share a look as the caption "To Be Continued . . . " comes up and
the episode ends.
There are a number of
differences between the shooting script dated September 12,
1991 and the episode which aired:
cover of the script includes the graphic of a little American flag.
- There was originally an opening scene which was
very reminiscent of the beginning of the third season penultimate episode, The
Graduate. Larry and Balki are at the table in the living room and Larry
has flashcards, a pointer and a stopwatch. A blackboard is set up which
shows the Executive, Legislative and Judicial branches of government and the
justices of the Supreme Court. Balki sits at a desk consisting of a chair
and a TV tray table and is reciting, " . . . the Appellate Courts, the
Circuit Courts, Peoples Court . . . Okay, the Supreme Court. And
that completes the Judicial Branch of government. I'd also like to point
out you misspelled Rehnquist." Larry corrects the board then says,
"Thank you, Balki. Now, explain the order of succession for the
presidency." "Cousin, we've had our toes to the grindstone for
four hours now. It's time for a break. I'll make some cocoa.
You want the mini marshmallows or the regular?" "A break?"
Larry cries, "You want to take a break? Balki, your citizenship test
is tomorrow. If you don't pass, you won't be sworn in. And if you're
not sworn in, you won't be a citizen." "Cousin, I've been
studying for weeks," Balki points out, "I know everything. I
just want a cup of cocoa." "Oh, you just want a cup of
cocoa?" Larry says sarcastically, "What if George Washington didn't
cross the Delaware because he wanted a cup of cocoa? What if Abraham
Lincoln didn't free the slaves because he wanted a cup of cocoa? What if
the Statue of Liberty put down her torch and made herself a cup of cocoa?
There would have been no one to welcome Balki Bartokomous to this great country
of ours." "Cousin, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but
the fact is, I want to become an American citizen more than anything in the
world," Balki insists, "That's why I've studied so hard and that's why
I know everything there is to know about American history."
"Everything?" Larry asks. "Everything," Balki
confirms. "Who was the fourteenth president of the United
States?" Larry asks. "Franklin Pierce," Balki
answers. "Which branch of government levies taxes?" Larry
asks. "The legislative branch," Balki answers, "More
specifically, the House of Representatives." "How long did it
take Betsy Ross to sew the first flag?" Larry asks. "Twelve
hours, fourteen minutes," Balki answers, "And that was with two breaks
for cocoa." "I'll take the mini marshmallows," Larry
- In the second scene, which is the first scene in
the aired show, after Larry calls the girls and asks where Balki is, with Mary
Anne saying Balki is still downtown taking his citizenship test, Larry says,
"Good. I have a surprise for Balki. I didn't tell you before
because I was afraid the more people who knew, the more chance Balki would find
out." This is when Mary Anne guesses that Larry got Balki a wooden
box. After Larry says he picked up Mama from the airport, Mary Anne runs
to the crate and cries, "Oh my god . . . We have to get her out of
there. There are no air holes in this crate."
- Mama Bartokomous is described as "a swarthy
Mediterranean woman dressed in a worn black dress and flat sandals."
All of the Myposian in this episode is simply referred as (MYPOSIAN) in the
- After Larry translates that Mama's going to take
"this little tree" (the mailbox) back to Mypos with her, Mama says
something else and Larry translates, "It's adorable."
- The English / Myposian dictionary is described in
the script as being "decorated with tassels." After Larry
explains about the dictionary, Mama says something and Larry translates it as,
"Mama says she loves Cousin Larry's chipmunk cheeks." Mama says
something else in Myposian and Larry translates this as, "She says,
'Hey.'" Then he translates what she says about the "walk-in
- When Larry introduces Mama to Mary Anne, Mama
says, "Mary Anne, Balki's no wife, ah, ah."
"Girlfriend," Larry offers. "No. Main squeeze,"
Mama corrects. Mama breaks the hug with Mary Anne and looks her over
carefully. She checks Mary Anne's teeth and measures the circumference of
her arms, etc. Mama speaks Myposian which means that Mary Anne is too
frail and skinny. "What did she say?" Mary Anne asks
Larry. "Mama says she likes you," Larry lies.
- After Balki comes in and tells everyone he passed
his citizenship test he says he'll be an official citizen of the U.S.A. as soon
as he goes down to the Federal Building and get sworn at. "That part
still seems strangely abusive to me, but I'll do whatever it takes," Balki
- After Balki translates Mama's Myposian as saying,
"Mama says she loves me, and I'm her baby . . . " Mama continues
to speak and Balki translates this as, " . . . But she thinks I'm too thin
and I need a haircut." Mama says something else and Balki translates
it as, "Mama says she's emotionally drained." Balki then says
something to her in Myposian and explains to the others, "I told her to go
to her room and take a nap."
- The scene at the newspaper office started a bit
earlier. Larry is at his desk working and Balki comes down the stairs with
mail. "Cousin, Cousin, did Mama get here yet?" Balki asks.
"Not yet," Larry answers. "Good, I was afraid I wasn't
going to make it on time," Balki sighs, "Of all the days for Ed
McMahon to send out his sweepstakes form. I mean really, Cousin, how can
everybody be a winner? Here's your mail." Balki drops a load of
mail on Larry's desk and announces, "There, I'm done." "Balki
. . . you've given my Gorpley's mail," Larry points out. "Are
you sure?" Balki asks. "Yes," Larry insists, "See,
these all say, 'Final notice before legal action." "You're
right, Cousin," Balki sighs, "It is Mr. Gorpley's mail.
Uh-oh. I must have given your mail to Classified. That means I've
been off by one all day. Cousin, what's wrong with me? I'm coming
apart at the sleeves." "I think you're just a little
nervous," Larry offers, "It's not every day your Mama comes to
visit. Don't worry, Balki. Just get back all the mail and start over
again." "Thank you, Cousin," Balki says, "You always
have the answers. I would have just gotten back all the mail and started
over again." Balki runs up the stairs in a panic. This is when
Jennifer and Mary Anne enter with Mama.
- After Jennifer says they showed Mama the city,
Mama does not say, "Wiggly Field." Jennifer continues on to say
they took her shopping and Mama says, "Charge it." Mary Anne
then says, "She's a natural shopper. She also hugged every mannequin
in Marshall Field's." Mama hugs Larry. Then they bring up the
- As Larry leads Mama away from the stairs,
Jennifer says, "Good luck, Larry," then she adds to Mary Anne,
"While Mama's here let's take back that bus bench she uprooted."
- When Mama meets Mr. Gorpley and Miss Lydia, Mama
speaks Myposian and is clearly pleased when she addresses Lydia.
"What did Mama say?" Lydia asks suspiciously. "She says
you're a very lovely woman, and she's a very big fan of your column," Larry
translates, "She reads it every day." "Thank you,"
Lydia smiles, flattered, "Always enjoy meeting a fan."
- In the next scene, after Larry, Jennifer and Mary
Anne come into the kitchen, Jennifer says, "Everything looks beautiful,
Mama. I wish you would've let us help."
- After Larry tells Mama that Balki went to get
dessert, he adds the word, "Sweetiki."
- After Larry raises his glass to toast, saying he
wants to official welcome Mama to America, Mama says, "America.
Hello. How are you? Thank you. Fine."
- After Balki points out Larry's Myposian mistake,
Mama drops her glass and stands. "What's wrong?" Larry asks,
"Is my grammar that bad?"
- In the scene in which Balki is about to leave, he
is walking around the living room placing his possessions into a
carpetbag. After he tells Larry, "You can talk until the cows buy
homes, but it's no use," he continues, "You have to understand, I'm
Mama's only son. I'm all she has. I'm her whole enchilada."
- In this version, Balki takes Dimitri off the
mantle and hands him to Larry.
- In the final scene, after Mary Anne tells them
Balki called and send his love, she adds, "He says he would have called
sooner but the line to use the phone went all the way around the island."
- The rest of the script is the same.
on to the next episode . . .