Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 127 - Citizenship, Part One

First Air Date: November 8, 1991
Filming Date: September 12 & 13, 1991
Nielsen Rating: 13.3 HH

Produced by: Alan Plotkin
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Barry OíBrien & Cheryl Alu
Directed by: Judy Pioli

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous / Mama Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne Spencer
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Appleton
Belita Moreno: Miss Lydia Markham
Sam Anderson: Mr. Sam Gorpley

Guest Cast:
Justin Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous / Mama Bartokomous (over the shoulder shots)

citizenship1grab02.gif (119016 bytes)Dimitri Appearances: Dimitriís picture is on the fireplace mantel.  He can also be seen sitting on the bottom shelf inside the stereo console to the left of the fireplace.  Dimitri also has a moving scene near the end when Balki gives him to Larry before he goes back to Mypos.

Balki-isms:
"Well, Iíll be an official citizen of the USA as soon as I go down to the Federal building and get sworn at."
"She must have ESPN."
"Wiggly Field."
"Land of the free, home of the Whopper."
"You can talk until the cows buy homes . . . "

Donít be ridiculous: Not said in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Wwowww!" (spoken by Mama)
"Balki!" the way Mama usually yells it over the phone
"Where do I come up with them?" (spoken by Mama)

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Mama pushed Larry away by the face in the "Go on with you!" way
Mama laughs at her own joke
Larry sniffs at the air

Notable Moment: Balki passes his citizenship test
Mama Bartokomous visits America

Songs: "Hawaii Five-0 Theme" - sung by Mama as she gyrates
"Yankee Doodle Dandy" - sung by Balki after he passes his citizenship test
"Natural Woman" - sung by Mama as she shows Larry the fancy evening gown sheís bought
"Chain of Fools" - sung by Mama as she prepares dinner
"Little Deuce Coupe" - sung by Mama when she thinks Balki is getting his driverís license

Myposian Rituals: Mama gives Balki a chicken foot with one toe missing, which is the symbol of a Myposian motherís deepest grief

Interesting facts:
-
Part one of this two-part episode was filmed before small audience of high school students, so it was not open to the general public.  You can read more about this special filming in our On the Scene . . . report.
- The Mama make up took five hours to complete and entailed Bronson being covered almost entirely with nylon and foam with special appliances to the face, as well as sixteen pound breasts.  A special undergarment developed by NASA was used to keep Bronson cool.  It could be hooked up to a machine where cooling solution could be pumped in to bring his body temperature down.  The earrings that Mama wore actually belonged to Bronsonís great-grandmother named Fortunata.  We will be posting a special behind the scenes video of this process next week on our YouTube Channel.
- Already a favorite with Arsenio Hall, Bronson made a special appearance on The Arsenio Hall Show, where he was interviewed as Mama in the audience.  This interview can be seen on our YouTube Channel.
citizenship07.jpg (46474 bytes)- The same green screen special effects used for the filming of Because Theyíre Cousins in season five are used here, and once again Bronsonís younger brother, Justin, is brought in to play both Balki and Mama as seen from behind and over the shoulder.  Justin only needed to wearing the padding, dress and wig, however, and did not need to endure all the extensive Mama face makeup.
- When Mama shouts, "Whereís the beef?" sheís making a reference to the popular Wendyís commercials starring Clara Peller as one of the old ladies trying to locate the beef in a competitorís tiny burger (Clara is the actress who actually got to shout the iconic line.)
- When Mama says, "Goodnight, John Boy," she is referring to the end of most of The Waltons episodes in which the Waltons would call good night to each other, ending with "Goodnight, John Boy."
- This episode marks the first time which Miss Lydia and Mr. Gorpley show any romantic inclination to each other.  In previous episodes they had only displayed animosity and loathing for each other.  Their relationship must have developed citizenship1grab03.jpg (40407 bytes) in the same way as Beatrice and Benedictís in the Shakespeare play Much Ado About Nothing, in which they constantly traded cutting barbs but in truth had deeper feelings for one another.
- Once again the characters are seen drinking a mysterious blue liquid when they toast Mama around the dinner table.  We still presume this was some kind of Myposian beverage which was never identified in the aired episodes.
- This episode also marks the first time that a preview of the second half of a two part episode is shown at the end of the first half.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
-
When Balki enters the basement he says, "Cousin Larry, I got your mail back."  But where was Cousin Larryís mail?  To find out, read the Script Variations below!
- Balki is going to show Mama the building but when she gets into the elevator he lets her go alone?
- There's an interesting alternative shot to watch for in the previews of the second part.  Larry tears up his airline ticket and throws it into the air, with most of it landing in Balki's omelet.  But in part two when Larry tears up his airline ticket and throws it into the air, it lands on the ground!  Balki actually takes the ticket and then dips it in the omelet to stick it back together again.


Synopsis:
The episode begins one evening at the house.  Larry is coming in through the front door dragging a huge wooden box with him.  "Jennifer!  Mary Anne!" Larry calls, setting the box onto its side.  Mary Anne and Jennifer run into the living room as Larry says, "Hi.  Is Balki here?"  "No, heís still downtown taking his citizenship test," Mary Anne answers.  "Good," Larry sighs, "I . . . I have a surprise for Balki."  "You got him a wooden box," Mary Anne deduces, "He doesnít have one that size."  "No, thatís not the surprise," Larry explains, "See, I arranged to have Balkiís mother flown over from Mypos so she could witness Balki being sworn in as a U.S. citizen.  I just picked her up from the airport."  Mary Anneís eyes grow wide and she runs to the box, pulling Larry away and shouting, "Oh my God!  Weíve gotta get her out of there!"  "Mary Anne, Balkiís Mama is not in that crate!" Jennifer insists, then she thinks a moment and asks Larry, "Is she, Larry?"

"No, no, no!" Larry assures them, "No, thatís . . . thatís her luggage.  Uh, Balkiís Mama is, uh . . . outside."  Larry walks to the door and looks out.  "Sheís, uh . . . sheís staring at the mailbox.  Sheís never seen one before."  "Cousin Larry!" Mama calls, and then she enters through the door and runs to Larry, saying, "Cousin Larry!"  She chatters excitedly in Myposian and then runs back outside.  There is the sound of something being pulled from the ground and Mama re-enters the house carrying the mailbox on its post as she continues to speak in Myposian.  Larry turns to the girls and explains, "She says sheís going to take this little tree with her back to Mypos."  "Well, Larry, I . . . I didnít know you spoke Myposian," Jennifer notes.  "Well, I . . . I picked up a lot, uh . . . living with Balki and . . . and I took his, uh, Myposian / English dictionary so that I could, uh, communicate with her."  "Walkin di cookin di bichinki," Mama comments.  "She loves our . . . our beautiful walk-in kitchen," Larry translates as Mama walks to the fireplace.  Mama grabs the fireplace screen and tosses it aside then steps into the fireplace to look around.

Mama straightens and exclaims, "Wwowww!"  "She says ĎWow,í" Larry translates.  "Does she speak any English at all?" Mary Anne asks.  "Uh, yeah, a little," Larry replies, "Uh, she learned English, uh, from watching American TV shows."  "American TV shows, yes!" Mama confirms, stepping forward as he recites, "ĎLucy!  Iím home!í  ĎHeeeereís Johnny!í  ĎBook Ďem, Danno.í"  She starts to sing the theme song from "Hawaii Five-O," gyrating her body to the music.  Larry walks over to her and tries to make her stop, saying, "Mama . . . Mama . . . Mama . . . "  He explains to the girls, "She likes everyone to call her ĎMama.í" "Mama, yes," Mama finishes her song with a smile. "Mama, this . . . this is my wife, uh . . . Jennifer," Larry introduces.  "Jennifer!" Mama smiles as she hugs Jennifer, "Hello, Jennifer.  Hello.  Very pretty.  Very, very pretty.  Very nice!  Yes!"  "And this is, uh . . . this is Mary Anne," Larry continues.  "Mary Anna!  Mary Anne!"  Mama exclaims as she hugs Mary Anne, "Very, very nice.  Very, very sweet . . . itta pretty . . . "

Mama starts to look at Mary Anneís build and asks, "Hey, where the hippi?  Whereís the beef?  Make, uh . . . maki . . . maki babiki?  Itti . . . itti Balki?  No, I donít think so.  Thatís a big no-can-do."  The sound of a car driving up and a car horn sounding catches their attention.  "What is that?" Mama asks.  "Larry, Balki just drove up," Jennifer notes.  "Balki!  Balki!" Mama calls, trying to get to the door.  Larry stops her, explaining, "Now we want this to be a surprise, Mama."  "Balki," Mama asks as Larry leads her to the closet at the foot of the stairs.  "We . . . we want to surprise him, so youíre gonna have to hide in here, okay?" Larry explains, opening the door for her, "Right in here."  Mama steps into the closet and makes a comment in Myposian, saying, "Ooh yes!"  She starts to pick things up from the closet floor and throw them out into the room.  "Yes . . . no, Mama," Larry tries to stop her, "No, Mama . . . Mama . . . Mama . . . this is not your room."  Mama keeps speaking in Myposian as Larry tries to explain, "Not your room.  No, we just want you to hide.  We just want you to hide in here."  Mama keeps talking so Larry gives in and says, "Okay . . . this is your room . . . this is your room.  Here you go.  Here you go.  All right.  There you are."  Larry closes the door behind Mama.

Balki runs into the house singing, "Iím almost a Yankee Dood-lee Dandy!  A Yankee Dood-lee do or die!  I passed my citizenship test!"  Everyone is excited and they each give Balki a hug in turn.  "I knew you could do it," Larry states.  "Well, Iíll be an official citizen of the USA as soon as I go down to the Federal building and get sworn at," Balki explains, "I canít wait to call Mama and tell her that soon Uncle Sam will really be my uncle!"  Balki runs to the phone by the couch and picks up the receiver to dial.  "Well, hold on, Balki," Larry urges.  "No later, Cousin, Iíve got to call Mama," Balki says.  "Balki!" Mamaís muffled voice calls from the closet.  Balki stops dialing and looks shocked.  "Mama?" Balki asks into the receiver.  "Balki!" Mamaís voice calls again.  "Cousin, this is amazing," Balki gasps, "I . . . I didnít even dial and . . . and yet she knew I was . . . I was calling!  She must have ESPN."  Balki lifts the phone receiver to his ear and says, "Mama?  Mama, itís me!  Balki!"  "Balki!" Mama calls from the closest.  "Balki . . . " Larry tries to get Balkiís attention.  "Mama?" Balki says into the phone.  "Balki!" Mama calls from the closest.  "Balki . . . " Larry tries to get Balkiís attention.  "Mama?" Balki says into the phone.  "Balki!"  "Balki . . . "  "Mama?"

"Balki!" Mama calls.  "Balki . . . " Larry tries again.  "Balki!" Mama calls loudly and Larry hits the closest door to make her stop calling.  "Oh!" Mama cries.  Balki looks up from the phone at last.  "Balki, Mamaís not on the phone," Larry explains, "Sheís here!"  Larry opens the closet door and Mama emerges, holding her arms out and calling, "Balki!  Balki, my babiki!"  "Mama!  Mama!" Balki exclaims and he and his Mama hug warmly as Mama speaks Myposian.  Balki kisses her cheek and they continue to hug.  "Oh Balki," Mama smiles as they finally part.  "Mama says Iím her baby and she loves me," Balki explains.  "Mama she latiki," Mama says.  "Mama says she want to go to her room and relax," Balki translates.  "Yes," Mama sighs, and she walks to Mary Anne and gives her a looking over again, sighing, "No . . . no, no."  She walks to Jennifer and says, "Yes," as she grabs Jenniferís top front teeth and pulls on them.  She then pats and pinches Larryís cheek, walking away and sighing, "Ah, Cousin Larry!"  Mama walks over to the television set and unplugs it, commenting on the make of TV, "Quasar!"  She carries the TV to the closet and sets it inside, then says, "Goodnight, John Boy," before closing the closet door behind her.  On everyoneís reactions, the scene fades to black.

Act two begins in the basement of the Chicago Chronicle.  Larry is at his desk, looking through a file.  Mary Anne and Jennifer enter, walking on either side of Mama Bartokomous, who has several shopping bags in her hands.  "Cousin Larry!" Mama calls.  "Mama!" Larry greets her.  "Look at this!  Mama shoparuniki!"  She giggles as they approach Larryís desk.  "What is all this?" Larry asks, "I . . . I . . . I thought you were just taking Mama sightseeing."  "She wanted some souvenirs," Jennifer explains, "Apparently itís a Myposian tradition.  If you can lift it . . . itís yours."  "Looki . . . " Mama says as she reaches into one of the bags and pulls out a "Tow Away Zone" sign which she hands to Larry.  "Oh, well, lovely!" Larry comments.  "You like?" Mama asks as she reaches for another bag.  "Lovely," Larry repeats, "Yes, uh huh . . . "  Larry sets the sign down on his desk.  Mama then hands him the body of a parking meter.  "This a statement . . . of something," Mama remarks.

"Well, did . . . did she buy anything?" Larry asks, "You make any, uh . . . purchasikis?"  "Purchasiki!" Mama exclaims excitedly, and she turns to reach in another bag.  She starts to sing, "You make me feel . . . you make me feel . . . you make me feel like a natural woman," as she pulls out a shiny, slinky blue evening dress.  "Well . . . well . . . well, Mama, you are going to look lovely in that," Larry notes.  Mama doesnít understand so Larry tries, "Mama . . . Mama sex pistoliki."  "Oh!  No," Mama says shyly, laughing as she pushed away Larryís face.  "No, I mean it," Larry smiles.  "Oh, go on . . . !" Mama laughs.  Larry confirms his statement and Mama pushes him away roughly on his face, then pulls him back, laughing and saying, "Cousin Larry pooki."  "You know, you . . . you just missed Balki," Larry says.  "Balki?" Mama asks, then she starts to call loudly, "Balki!  Balki!  Balki!  Balki!"  Jennifer takes the dress from Mama and puts it back in the bag.  "Heíll be back in a minute," Larry assures Mama, "In a microseci."  "Okay," Mama sighs.

"Uh, Larry, we have to be going," Jennifer says, "Weíve been running all morning.  First we took Mama to see the city."  "City," Mama repeats, "Wiggly Field."  "Then we took her shopping," Jennifer continues.  "Charge it," Mama states, "Yes."  "But her favorite thing was the escalator," Mary Anne reports.  "Escalator!" Mama says intensely, "Escalator!  Escalator!"  She walks to the stairs and steps onto the bottom step, cooing, "Escalator."  She stands and waits for it to move.  She moves her legs, trying to get it started, then grows increasingly frustrated.  "Mama . . . Mama . . . " Larry tries to tell her, "Itís broken."  "Hmm?" Mama asks.  "Itís broken," Larry explains, "Bustakaki."  "Oh, bummer," Mama sighs and she steps down then kicks the bottom step before walking back with Larry to the girls.  "Good luck, Larry," Jennifer offers.  "Bye bye . . . bye bye," Larry says as he hurries to Jennifer to kiss her.  "Oh yes," Mama smiles, "Yes, very nice.  Very pretty.  Goodbye.  Goodbye."  Mama grabs Jenniferís upper front teeth and pulls on them again.  "These are very nice.  Donít forget to brush and floss," Mama notes, then she steps to Mary Anne and says, "And you got to . . . eat.  Okay?  Eat . . . eat . . . "  She motions with her hand for Mary Anne to go.  As Mary Anne and Jennifer head to the parking garage, Mary Anne notes, "She hates me."

Mr. Gorpley runs out of the archives chased by Miss Lydia.  Both are giggling in a flirtatious manner and Mr. Gorpleyís shirt is hanging out.  "And you said you werenít ticklish!" Lydia laughs as they run across the room.  As soon as they see Larry and Mama they stop and look embarrassed.  "Um, I was just helping Lydia with some research," Gorpley explains as he tucks his shirt back in.  "Uh, Mama, these are . . . are two friends of . . . of Balkiís," Larry explains.  "Balki!  Balki!" Mama says as she approaches them with her arms open.  "This is, uh . . . Mr. Gorpley and Miss Lydia," Larry introduces.  "You are friend Balki?" Mama asks Mr. Gorpley as she pats his face, "Very, very nice.  Nice, thank you."  Gorpley smiles uncomfortably and moves away.  Mama then addresses Lydia, saying, "Thank you.  Very, very sweet.  Very pretty!  Thank you."  "Does she speak any English?" Mr. Gorpley asks Larry.  "Um, not really," Larry answers.  "Oh good," Mr. Gorpley smiles and he says to her, "Mrs. Bartokomous, your son is an idiot."

"Oh, wise guy, Ďey?" Mama replies a la Curly Howard of the Three Stooges.  She pinches his nose and slaps the pinch downward with her other hand, then does the Curly Shuffle back to Larry, barking like Curly.  She moves to poke Larry in the eyes but Larry blocks her with his hand.  "She may not speak English but she understands a lot," Larry explains.  "Yes," Mama agrees.  Lydia giggles, then takes Mr. Gorpleyís hand to lead him away, saying, "Come on, Sam.  Iíll take you to lunch.  But if anyone sees us we are not together."  "Cousin Larry, I got your mail back," Balki says as he walks into the basement from the loading dock.  He sees his mother and exclaims, "Mama!"  "Balki, babiki," Mama smiles.  "Mama, eh . . . I . . . I want to show you the building.  Come on!" Balki motions for Mama to follow him, "Come on!"  The stop at the elevator and Balki explains slowly, "Mama, ini ina elevator."  Mama presses the button and the elevator doors open, causing Mama to exclaim, "Wwowww!"  She steps inside and says, "Housewares . . . notions . . . ladiesí dresses going up!"  As she says the last one she raises her skirt just a little and bursts out laughing at her own joke, exclaiming, "Where do I come up with them?"  She presses the button and the elevator doors close.

That night at the house, Mama is in the kitchen cooking dinner.  "Balki!" she calls as she prepares to take a casserole dish out of the oven, "Cousin Larry!  Mrs. Cousin Larry!  Skinny Minny!"  Mama dances to the counter to set down the dish as she sings "Chain of Fools."  Larry, Jennifer and Mary Anne enter the kitchen.  "Oh!" Jennifer says, "Mama, everything looks beautiful!"  "Thanks," Mama smiles.  Larry sniffs at the air and notes, "Ah!  Snout."  "Would you give me your recipe?" Mary Anne asks, "I hear the way to a manís heart is through his snout."  "Mary Anna, come," Mama motions her over, then she gets a spoonful of the mixture surrounding the pig snout and spoon feeds a bite to Mary Anne, "You come.  Eat."  "Mmmm!" Mary Anne nods, as Mama gets another spoonful and makes her eat it as well.  "Mmm mmm!" Mary Anne continues to nod politely.  "Very, very nice," Mama says sweetly, then she grabs Mary Anne around the middle and starts to force feed her, saying, "Come over here!"  Mary Anne flails for help and Jennifer runs to her, trying to pull her away and saying, "Mama . . . "  Mama feeds Jennifer a spoonful as well.

"Oh, all right, all right, all right!" Larry steps in, pulling the girls away, "Why donít . . . why donít we all . . . why donít we all sit down, okay?"  The girls sit down as Mama shoves the spoon with a big snout sitting in it in Larryís face, saying, "Take that . . . "  "Whoa, no, no!" Larry cries, "Mama, letís . . . letís sit down.  Letís sit down, okay?  Here we go."  Mama looks to the doorway and yells, "Balki!  Balki!"  Mama then shouts out in loud Myposian in a scolding tone, then her voice gets even sharper and she yells, "Balki, come down . . . !"  She continues in Myposian, becoming emotional to the point where she looks like she might cry.  Larry has picked up the snout dish and explains, "Balki went to get dessert."  "Never mind," Mama smiles nicely.  Larry sets the snout dish on the table, saying, "Oh, there we are."  Mama slowly sits down in her chair as she huffs, "Okay . . . very nice."  Balki enters through the back kitchen door holding a pink bakery box.  "Iíve got bad news," he says seriously, "Can you believe in a . . . in a city the size of Chicago not one single market carries goat gut pudding?  Uh . . . I guess weíre stuck with apple pie."  "Weíll live with it," Larry assures him.

"Balki, sit . . . sit," Mama urges.  Balki sits at the table with everyone.  "Well, itís time for a toast," Larry says as he raises his glass and everyone follows suit except Mama.  "What is toast?" Mama asks.  "Signifiki clinki tinki," Balki explains.  "Clinki tinki!" Mama understands as she picks up her glass, "Well, go for it."  "Iíd like to officially welcome Mama to America," Larry offers.  "Land of the free, home of the Whopper," Mama recites.  "Opto kinika chertiki cantiki andro po kimiga boing boing boing boing . . . " Larry lets his voice trail off quietly.  "Cousin, uh . . . " Balki laughs, "Youíve, uh . . . youíve . . . youíve made rather a humorous linguistic error.  Um . . . Ďopto kinika chertiki cantiki andro po kimiga boing boing boing boingí means a person who has a driverís licence."  "In my little deuce coupe . . . you donít know what Iíve . . . little deuce coupe, you donít know what Iíve got . . . " Mama sings.  "Thank you, Mama," Balki smiles, then he continues, "Uh, what . . . what you meant to say is that Iím going to become an American citizen, which is Ďopto politicia certifantiki Americaniki politaniki ping pong pong pong pong . . . Ď" Balki also lets his voice trail off gently.

Mama gets to her feet, looking very angry.  "Mama?  What the biggi dealiki?" Balki asks.  "What the biggi dealiki?" Mama shouts, then she screams out a long series of Myposian complaints, including, "Balki Americaniki politaniki?  Over my deadiki bodiki!"  "Mamaís upset," Balki tells the others, "She . . . she . . . she thought she was coming over here to see me get my driverís license?"  Larry looks to Mama, who asks, "Cousin Larry . . . Balki American citizen?"  "Yes, Mama, heís becoming an . . . an American citizen," Larry nods.  "No more Mypiot?" Mama asks angrily.  "Thatís right, Mama," Larry answers worriedly.  Mama reaches into her apron pocket and pulls out a chicken foot with one toe missing.  Balki looks shocked.  Mama walks around the table to Balki, having to push her way between Mary Anneís chair and the counter and giving Mary Anne a dirty look in the process.  Mama says something Myposian to Balki and hands him the chicken foot, which he takes from her.  Mama then mumbles something else in Myposian and runs from the kitchen crying.

"Okay," Larry says as he gets up from the table, "Whatís going on?"  "Uh . . . Cousin, she just gave me the one thing a Myposian boy never wants to get from his Mama," Balki explains.  "It looks like a chicken foot with one toe missing," Larry observes.  "Itís a chicken foot with one toe missing," Balki continues, "Itís the symbol of a Myposian mamaís deepest grief."  "Well, what is she grieving about?" Larry asks.  "Well . . . well, she . . . she always assumed I would go back to Mypos to live," Balki explains.  "Well, Balki, youíll just explain to your Mama that your life is here now," Larry says, "Youíll go back to Mypos to visit."  "No, Cousin, you donít understand," Balki sighs, "Mama has given me an ultimatum.  Either I go back to Mypos with her or . . . or, uh . . . I am no longer her son."  "Balki, she canít mean that," Larry says.  "Cousin, she gave me the chicken foot, okay?" Balki points out, "I . . . I have to go back to Mypos.  Iím going to go upstairs and pack."  Everyone is shocked as Balki walks out of the kitchen.

The next morning, Balki carries a small bag down the stairs with Cousin Larry, still wearing his pajamas and bathrobe, following him.  "Balki, you canít do this!" Larry protests as they reach the front door, "Balki, you have got to listen to reason!"  "Cousin, weíve been over and over and over this," Balki sighs, "You can talk until the cows buy homes but itís not going to change anything."  "Balki, if I just had a chance to talk to her Iím sure I could change her mind," Larry suggests.  "Well, itís too late, Cousin," Balki says, "Sheís gone."  Balki walks to the couch and sets down his bag.  "Gone?" Larry asks, "W . . . w . . . when did she leave?"  "This morning," Balki answers, "She . . . she put her red eyes on the red eye."  "Well, Balki, I am not gonna let you follow Mama back to Mypos," Larry insists, "I mean, think of what youíll be giving up.  Your job is here, your girlfriend is here, your future is here!"  "I . . . I cannot break her heart," Balki sighs, "If I did that I . . . I wouldnít be able to live with myself so Iím gonna . . . I got to go back."

Balki picks up a bigger bag from the couch and carries both bags to the front door.  He reaches into the bigger bag and pulls out Dimitri, handing him to Larry.  "Take care of him for me," Balki says.  Larry lets out a large sigh and asks, "Youíre really gonna do this, arenít you?"  "Yes, I am," Balki confirms.  Larry looks at him with hurt disbelief.  "I already said goodbye to Jennifer and Mary Anne," Balki continues, "Please tell them that Iím sorry I made them cry."  Larry shrugs hopelessly and says, "Well, I guess this is . . . goodbye."  Balki tries hard not to cry as he says, "Thank you . . . thank you for . . . for everything that youíve done for me over the last five years."  "Well, I got back much more than I gave," Larry notes sincerely.  Balki steps forward and they share an embrace.  Balki then turns and opens the front door.  He stops before leaving and looks back.  "Iíll miss you, Cousin Larry.  Donít forget me."  Balki walks away, closing the door behind him.  Larry stands alone holding Dimitri; stunned and not knowing what to do.

An establishing shot of the house is accompanied by the caption "Four Days Later."  Larry, Jennifer and Mary Anne are eating dinner at the kitchen table.  They all look miserable.  Balkiís chair at the table is noticeably empty and everyone is just picking at their food.  "Iím sorry about the snout," Jennifer offers, "I . . . I donít really have the hang of it yet."  "Balki called today," Mary Anne offers, "He sends his love to everyone."  "Well, Iím glad he made it safely back to Mypos," Larry sighs.  "Oh, Balki made it safely back to Mypos but his luggage went to Skeptos," Mary Anne reports, "He says as soon as he gets his clothes back heís gonna look for a job."  Mary Anne pauses then chokes back tears as she cries, "My heart is breaking into a million pieces."  "Oh, Mary Anne," Jennifer comforts her friend, "Itís okay!  Heíll write.  Heíll visit."  "Jennifer, you are so naive," Mary Anne comments.

"All right, wait a minute," Larry says, "Listen to us.  Weíre sitting around crying in our snout.  I should never have let him go in the first place!"  Larry throws down his napkin and gets up from the table.  "Iím going to Mypos!"  "Youíre what?" Jennifer asks.  "Iím going to Mypos and . . . and Iím gonna bring Balki back home," Larry insists as he crosses to the phone and dials.  After a moment, Larry says into the receiver, "Hello?  Transcontinental Airways?  Book me a seat on your next flight to Mypos."  After a moment, Larry repeats, "Mypos."  Another moment passes and Larry starts to spell it out, "M . . . Y . . . P . . . O . . . S."  Jennifer and Mary Anne share a look as the caption "To Be Continued . . . " comes up and the episode ends.


Script Variations:
There are a number of differences between the shooting script dated September 12, 1991 and the episode which aired:
The cover of the script includes the graphic of a little American flag.
- There was originally an opening scene which was very reminiscent of the beginning of the third season penultimate episode, The Graduate.  Larry and Balki are at the table in the living room and Larry has flashcards, a pointer and a stopwatch.  A blackboard is set up which shows the Executive, Legislative and Judicial branches of government and the justices of the Supreme Court.  Balki sits at a desk consisting of a chair and a TV tray table and is reciting, " . . . the Appellate Courts, the Circuit Courts, Peoples Court . . .  Okay, the Supreme Court.  And that completes the Judicial Branch of government.  I'd also like to point out you misspelled Rehnquist."  Larry corrects the board then says, "Thank you, Balki.  Now, explain the order of succession for the presidency."  "Cousin, we've had our toes to the grindstone for four hours now.  It's time for a break.  I'll make some cocoa.  You want the mini marshmallows or the regular?"  "A break?" Larry cries, "You want to take a break?  Balki, your citizenship test is tomorrow.  If you don't pass, you won't be sworn in.  And if you're not sworn in, you won't be a citizen."  "Cousin, I've been studying for weeks," Balki points out, "I know everything.  I just want a cup of cocoa."  "Oh, you just want a cup of cocoa?" Larry says sarcastically, "What if George Washington didn't cross the Delaware because he wanted a cup of cocoa?  What if Abraham Lincoln didn't free the slaves because he wanted a cup of cocoa?  What if the Statue of Liberty put down her torch and made herself a cup of cocoa?  There would have been no one to welcome Balki Bartokomous to this great country of ours."  "Cousin, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but the fact is, I want to become an American citizen more than anything in the world," Balki insists, "That's why I've studied so hard and that's why I know everything there is to know about American history."  "Everything?" Larry asks.  "Everything," Balki confirms.  "Who was the fourteenth president of the United States?" Larry asks.  "Franklin Pierce," Balki answers.  "Which branch of government levies taxes?" Larry asks.  "The legislative branch," Balki answers, "More specifically, the House of Representatives."  "How long did it take Betsy Ross to sew the first flag?" Larry asks.  "Twelve hours, fourteen minutes," Balki answers, "And that was with two breaks for cocoa."  "I'll take the mini marshmallows," Larry concedes.
- In the second scene, which is the first scene in the aired show, after Larry calls the girls and asks where Balki is, with Mary Anne saying Balki is still downtown taking his citizenship test, Larry says, "Good.  I have a surprise for Balki.  I didn't tell you before because I was afraid the more people who knew, the more chance Balki would find out."  This is when Mary Anne guesses that Larry got Balki a wooden box.  After Larry says he picked up Mama from the airport, Mary Anne runs to the crate and cries, "Oh my god . . .  We have to get her out of there.  There are no air holes in this crate."
- Mama Bartokomous is described as "a swarthy Mediterranean woman dressed in a worn black dress and flat sandals."  All of the Myposian in this episode is simply referred as (MYPOSIAN) in the script.
- After Larry translates that Mama's going to take "this little tree" (the mailbox) back to Mypos with her, Mama says something else and Larry translates, "It's adorable."
- The English / Myposian dictionary is described in the script as being "decorated with tassels."  After Larry explains about the dictionary, Mama says something and Larry translates it as, "Mama says she loves Cousin Larry's chipmunk cheeks."  Mama says something else in Myposian and Larry translates this as, "She says, 'Hey.'"  Then he translates what she says about the "walk-in kitchen."
- When Larry introduces Mama to Mary Anne, Mama says, "Mary Anne, Balki's no wife, ah, ah."  "Girlfriend," Larry offers.  "No.  Main squeeze," Mama corrects.  Mama breaks the hug with Mary Anne and looks her over carefully.  She checks Mary Anne's teeth and measures the circumference of her arms, etc.  Mama speaks Myposian which means that Mary Anne is too frail and skinny.  "What did she say?" Mary Anne asks Larry.  "Mama says she likes you," Larry lies.
- After Balki comes in and tells everyone he passed his citizenship test he says he'll be an official citizen of the U.S.A. as soon as he goes down to the Federal Building and get sworn at.  "That part still seems strangely abusive to me, but I'll do whatever it takes," Balki adds.
- After Balki translates Mama's Myposian as saying, "Mama says she loves me, and I'm her baby . . . "  Mama continues to speak and Balki translates this as, " . . . But she thinks I'm too thin and I need a haircut."  Mama says something else and Balki translates it as, "Mama says she's emotionally drained."  Balki then says something to her in Myposian and explains to the others, "I told her to go to her room and take a nap."
- The scene at the newspaper office started a bit earlier.  Larry is at his desk working and Balki comes down the stairs with mail.  "Cousin, Cousin, did Mama get here yet?" Balki asks.  "Not yet," Larry answers.  "Good, I was afraid I wasn't going to make it on time," Balki sighs, "Of all the days for Ed McMahon to send out his sweepstakes form.  I mean really, Cousin, how can everybody be a winner?  Here's your mail."  Balki drops a load of mail on Larry's desk and announces, "There, I'm done."  "Balki . . . you've given my Gorpley's mail," Larry points out.  "Are you sure?" Balki asks.  "Yes," Larry insists, "See, these all say, 'Final notice before legal action."  "You're right, Cousin," Balki sighs, "It is Mr. Gorpley's mail.  Uh-oh.  I must have given your mail to Classified.  That means I've been off by one all day.  Cousin, what's wrong with me?  I'm coming apart at the sleeves."  "I think you're just a little nervous," Larry offers, "It's not every day your Mama comes to visit.  Don't worry, Balki.  Just get back all the mail and start over again."  "Thank you, Cousin," Balki says, "You always have the answers.  I would have just gotten back all the mail and started over again."  Balki runs up the stairs in a panic.  This is when Jennifer and Mary Anne enter with Mama.
- After Jennifer says they showed Mama the city, Mama does not say, "Wiggly Field."  Jennifer continues on to say they took her shopping and Mama says, "Charge it."  Mary Anne then says, "She's a natural shopper.  She also hugged every mannequin in Marshall Field's."  Mama hugs Larry.  Then they bring up the escalator.
- As Larry leads Mama away from the stairs, Jennifer says, "Good luck, Larry," then she adds to Mary Anne, "While Mama's here let's take back that bus bench she uprooted."
- When Mama meets Mr. Gorpley and Miss Lydia, Mama speaks Myposian and is clearly pleased when she addresses Lydia.  "What did Mama say?" Lydia asks suspiciously.  "She says you're a very lovely woman, and she's a very big fan of your column," Larry translates, "She reads it every day."  "Thank you," Lydia smiles, flattered, "Always enjoy meeting a fan."
- In the next scene, after Larry, Jennifer and Mary Anne come into the kitchen, Jennifer says, "Everything looks beautiful, Mama.  I wish you would've let us help."
- After Larry tells Mama that Balki went to get dessert, he adds the word, "Sweetiki."
- After Larry raises his glass to toast, saying he wants to official welcome Mama to America, Mama says, "America.  Hello.  How are you?  Thank you.  Fine."
- After Balki points out Larry's Myposian mistake, Mama drops her glass and stands.  "What's wrong?" Larry asks, "Is my grammar that bad?"
- In the scene in which Balki is about to leave, he is walking around the living room placing his possessions into a carpetbag.  After he tells Larry, "You can talk until the cows buy homes, but it's no use," he continues, "You have to understand, I'm Mama's only son.  I'm all she has.  I'm her whole enchilada."
- In this version, Balki takes Dimitri off the mantle and hands him to Larry.
- In the final scene, after Mary Anne tells them Balki called and send his love, she adds, "He says he would have called sooner but the line to use the phone went all the way around the island."
- The rest of the script is the same.

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