Perfect Strangers Online - Episode Guide - Episode 128: Citizenship, Part Two

Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 128 - Citizenship, Part Two

First Air Date: November 15, 1991
Filming Date: September 20, 1991
Nielsen Rating: 13.1 HH

TV Guide Description: Conclusion. After Larry arrives on Mypos hoping to persuade Mama Bartokomous to allow Balki to return home, he quickly settles in to the relaxed, stress-free Myposian lifestyle. (Also, this description was included in a sidebar: Larry finds Paradise on Mypos in the conclusion of a laugh-filled Perfect Strangers two-parter. Balki followed when Mama Bartokomous (Bronson Pinchot, in a dual role) returned to Mypos in a fury over her son's decision to become a U.S. citizen. Tonight, Larry arrives to bring Balki back.)

Produced by: Alan Plotkin
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Barry O’Brien & Cheryl Alu
Directed by: Judy Pioli

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous / Mama Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne Spencer
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Appleton

Guest Cast:
Justin Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous / Mama Bartokomous (over the shoulder shots)

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri’s photo can be seen on the fireplace mantel at the end of this episode.

Balki-isms:
"You’re barking up a dead horse."
"Cousin, you can read me like a book on tape."
"But you know, Cousin, this is the dirt is always browner syndrome."
"Well, that doesn’t get the hair out of the burgundy, does it?"
"When she gets an idea in her head trying to get that idea out of her head is like trying to teach an old frog new tricks."

Don’t be ridiculous: Said once in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
Oddly enough there are no other catchphrases in this episode!

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Larry does a spit take
There is a reference to Larry’s Maalox
The Dance of Joy
Balki throws himself onto the couch

Notable Moment: Larry visits Mypos
Balki becomes a U.S. citizen

Songs: "She Works Hard for the Money" - sung by Mama as she arrives home from her seminar and chili cook-off

Interesting facts:
- The episode was filmed on September 20, 1991 in front of a regular studio audience with Bronson as Balki and Justin standing in for Mama without the extensive face make-up. The scenes between Mama and Larry were filmed earlier and shown to the studio audience on the monitors. You can read more about the filming of this episode in our On the Scene . . . section.
- On November 7, 1991, Entertainment ran a behind-the-scenes report about the extensive makeup transformation Bronson had to undergo to become Mama. You can now watch this report on our YouTube Channel!
- The episode begins with a montage of scenes to establish what happened in the previous episode.
- When Balki mentions he is going to appear on a local talk show called Livestock of the Rich and Famous it is, of course, a spoof on the popular series Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous hosted by Robin Leach, whom Bronson has imitated several times.
- There are pictures of Larry and Balki hanging on the walls of Mama’s hut which are actually publicity stills for the show!
- Mama tells Balki to go play bang bong poki noki waka yahoo, which as you’ll recall in the season five episode Hello, Ball is a very strange Myposian version of golf.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- Balki seems strangely underdressed when they return from his swearing in ceremony. One would think he would have chosen to wear one of his nice suits, although perhaps he wanted to wear something less Myposian and more American for the occasion.
- Notice in the publicity shot at the top of this page that Larry's feet are not purple!!

Synopsis:
The episode begins with stock footage of a commercial plane taking off. We then see the plane flying through the sky with the sun behind it in the clouds. Next we see an ariel shot of some Greek ruins. Then we see a small plane flying through the sky, and later it makes a very rough landing in a wooded area. Next we see a rugged-style Greek boat with men rowing it. And finally a small rowboat makes its way through some very rough seas as a man bails frantically to stay afloat. At last we see an aerial establishing shot of an island with the caption "Mypos." The camera pans up a steep cliffside to show a series of mud huts high above the shore. In the village, a woman with a girl and boy beside her lead a flock of sheep through an archway. In the village square, another group of sheep led by an older man run past Balki, who is standing beside a hot dog cart.

While everyone else in the square is wearing traditional Myposian clothing, Balki is wear jeans and a Chicago Cubs t-shirt. Signs on the cart read "Baakia," "Hot Doggie" and "Amerikaniko Avoevtiki." Larry enters the village square, carrying his jacket and suitcase and looking travel-worn. A man approaches him and offers him some pig snout on a stick. Larry politely declines. As Larry passes Balki, who has his back to him, he stops and looks down at his shoe, stopping to shake off whatever he has just stepped in. Larry continues to walk by Balki, looking around. "Hot doggies! Get them while they’re hot!" Balki calls out, "Hot doggies!" Larry sees Balki and walks over to stand next to him. "Hello, Balki," Larry smiles. "Hi," Balki smiles, then he starts to call again, "Hot . . . . " He stops and looks back at Larry in disbelief as Larry sets down his suitcase. "Cousin Larry! Cousin Larry! What are you doing here? I can’t believe it’s you! I . . . I must be dreaming!"

Balki starts to pinch Larry with his tongs as Larry cries, "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! You’re not dreaming! Stop pinching me!" Larry takes the tongs from Balki and pinches Balki’s nose with them, causing Balki to cry, "AH! It is you! Oh, Cousin!" Balki hugs Larry happily and gasps, "Cousin, I . . . I . . . I mean, it’s . . . it’s unbelievable! I . . . what are you doing here?" "Balki, I came to try one more time to talk Mama into letting you come back to America," Larry explains. "Oh, Cousin," Balki sighs as he shakes his head, "You’re barking up a dead horse." "Balki, just let me talk to her," Larry says. "Well, Cousin, that’s a big no-can-do," Balki says, "She’s on the other side of the island." "Well, let’s go get her," Larry suggests. "Well, Cousin, we can’t," Balki continues, "Her woman’s group is having a consciousness-raising seminar and chili cook-off. These things can be really intense. She’ll be back in a week . . . more in touch with herself and reeking of onions." "No problem, I’ll wait," Larry states, "I took two weeks vacation." "Cousin," Balki smiles, then he reaches to pull a stool and a small bench out from under his cart, "Well, Cousin . . . Cousin, eh . . . pull up a stool . . . pull up a stool and take a load off."

They sit down and Balki hands Larry a hot dog as a man ringing a bell walks through the square. Everyone in the square promptly stops what they’re doing and they pull out blankets and pillows and lay down to sleep. "What’s goin’ on?" Larry asks. "Nap time," Balki explains. "Well, for the whole island?" Larry asks. "Well, yeah," Balki answers, "Except for me. I’m so excited! I . . . I haven’t been able to sleep since you got here." Larry sets the hot dog down and asks, "So, Balki, how are things goin’ for ya here?" "Great! Really great!" Balki answers emphatically, "Yeah, um . . . uh . . . they . . . they had a big welcome home parade for me and I’ve been invited to appear on a local talk show, ‘Livestock of the Rich and Famous.’" "I . . . I would’ve thought you would have been a little homesick," Larry notes. Balki shrugs. "You know, because of all you left behind," Larry continues, "Uh, your job . . . your friends . . . Mary Anne . . . the coin-operated horse outside the Shop ‘n Save."

"I do miss Blue Thunder," Balki admits, then he sighs, "Cousin, you can read me like a book on tape. I am homesick. I . . . I . . . things are not the same for me here. You know, there’s no urban sprawl, no lines at the movies, no . . . no unsightly graffiti. I miss America." "Well, we miss you, too," Larry assures him, "And so that’s why, no matter what it takes, I’m gonna take you back." "But Cousin, you know, I don’t think you’re going to be able to convince Mama into letting me go," Balki says worriedly, "Once she gets her mind set on something, you know, she’s . . . she’s very pig-headed." "Well, you let me worry about Mama," Larry insists. "Well okay, Cousin," Balki smiles, then he gets up and says, "Listen, until she comes back you’ll be staying with me at Mama’s place. Um . . . I think you’re gonna like it. It’s got central air and detached chicken coop." Balki puts down a "no" symbol sign over his cart and he and Larry leave the square.

We next see the establishing shot of the hillside covered with mud huts and zoom in on one spot as a caption reads, "Five Days Later." Balki is inside the hut, carrying a bucket of water. He pulls a cloth away off something and we see it is a Mr. Coffee machine. Balki fills the Mr. Coffee with water from the bucket then turns it on. Balki then walks over to a decorated box with holes in it set above a nook with a bowl in it beneath. Balki pulls on a tasseled cord and we hear the sound of a chicken squawking as an egg rolls down a chute and into the bowl. Balki leans over and says to the box, "Marge, Cousin Larry might want an omelette, too." Balki pulls on the cord twice more and the chicken cackles again before two more eggs roll down the chute and into the bowl. As Balki carries the bowl to the table in the middle of the room to crack them, Larry comes in the front door, pausing to shoo away what sounds like a bunch of chickens who are trying to come in. Larry is dressed in Myposian clothing, while Balki is wearing a Blackhawks t-shirt.

"Cousin, where have you been?" Balki asks, picking up the bowl with the eggs and joining Larry on the bench in front of the table. "I got up before dawn this morning," Larry explains, "sat on the hill overlooking the village . . . you know what I saw?" "The village?" Balki asks as he beats the eggs. "Well, yeah that," Larry confirms, "But I . . . I also saw something truly remarkable. I saw Mypiots on their way to work. They were happy . . . smiling . . . saying ‘Hello’ to each other. Well, th . . . they seemed to actually enjoy just being alive." Balki nods and continues to beat the eggs. "It was a totally stress-free environment," Larry sighs, "There was no rat race." "Well, of course not. Don’t be ridiculous," Balki scoffs, "The rat races are only on Sunday. We’ve got the, uh . . . schedule stuck to the egg dispenser." "Balki, here . . . look at this," Larry says as he holds up some kind of produce, "I picked it myself." "Well, isn’t that something?" Balki asks nicely. "You can’t do that in Chicago," Larry laughs, "Life here is good." He takes a bite of the produce and promptly spits it out, making a face. "What’s wrong with this apple?" Larry asks. "It’s a sour turnip," Balki explains, "Only horses eat those."

"And a perfectly wonderful sour turnip it is," Larry smiles. "Toss it in here, we’ll make an omelette," Balki suggests, and Larry drops the turnip into the bowl. Larry gets up and walks over to the Mr. Coffee machine, picking up a bowl and pouring the entire contents of the carafe into the bowl. "You know, Balki, I’m starting to feel at home here," Larry explains, "Yeah, and I . . . and I think the villagers like me, too. All morning they’ve been calling out my name wherever I go. Larry, Larry! Larry, Larry!" "Cousin, I hate to burst your bubble, but ‘larri larri’ is a Myposian phrase," Balki explains, "It means ‘Sheep crossing, watch where you step.’" "Well, that’s right neighborly of them," Larry smiles, "You know, Balki, watching these happy, stress-free, smiling villagers, well, it made me realize that, well . . . I wanna be one of ‘em." Larry pours a whole container of sugar and a whole container of cream into his bowl of coffee and swirls it as he crosses back to the bench to sit down.

"You know, Balki, I’ve made a decision," Larry states, "I am going to stay on Mypos." "Well, Cousin, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like," Balki offers, then adds as Larry takes a big swig of coffee, "By the way, you’re drinking from the goat’s water bowl." Larry does a spit take. "No, no, Balki, you . . . you don’t understand," Larry says as he sets the bowl down on the ground, "See . . . see . . . I belong on Mypos. I want to live here forever. I’m gonna call Mr. Wainwright, quit my job, tell him what I really think of him . . . " "Now, Cousin, that’s going a little far," Balki points out. "Then I’m gonna call Jennifer, tell her to sell everything we own and get over here," Larry continues. "Speed bump, slow down," Balki warns. "I’m gonna give away my Maalox, have all my sport coats made into vests," Larry enthuses. "Now Cousin, that is just . . . " Balki begins to argue, then he thinks about it and says, "Actually the vest idea, there’s . . . there’s something to that."

"But you know, Cousin, this is the dirt is always browner syndrome," Balki explains, "I went through the same thing myself. Remember when we went to Six Flags for the first time and I wanted to live on the log ride? I came back in a week." "No, no, Balki, this is the real thing," Larry insists. "Now Cousin, come on," Balki argues, "You’re not serious." "Look, I’ll . . . I’ll show you how serious I am," Larry says as he pulls his plane ticket from his vest, "See this? My return ticket to Chicago?" Larry tears it up and throws it in the air. "Cousin, you are going to be sorry you did that in about a week," Balki warns as he picks up the pieces from the floor, "However, for the present, I think I can stick this back together for you." Balki carries the ticket pieces to the table and starts to dip an edge of one piece into the omelette mixture. "Balki, do what you want," Larry says as he gets up and walks over to Balki, "But I am here to stay." The scene fades to black.

Act two begins with an establishing shot of the mud huts and the caption "Several Days Later." Larry is sitting in the middle of the hut with his feet in a bucket. Balki appears in the doorway carrying a pouch, and pauses to shoo away the unseen chickens again. "Did you get it?" Larry asks. "Yeah, Niko says this would take the stains right out," Balki explains. "Oh," Larry sighs with relief as he pulls his feet out of the bucket to reveal they are purple as Balki drops some granules from the pouch into the bucket for him. "He also said you’re fired," Balki adds as he grabs a spoon and starts to stir the contents of the bucket. "Fired?" Larry cries, "Niko says I was fired? Why? I . . . I was one of the best grape crushers he had!" "He said you drank too much of the wine," Balki relates. Larry look shocked. "Cousin, is that true?" Balki asks. "No, I didn’t drink any of the wine!" Larry insists, "I fell in the vat. I was drowning!" "Well, that doesn’t get the hair out of the burgundy, does it?" Balki asks, then he gets some vegetables from the kitchen and brings them over to cut them.

Larry puts his feet back in the bucket and sighs, "Oh, this is great. Niko says I’m not good enough to step on grapes. I . . . I rub my hands raw trying to be a butter churner but Dario said my butter isn’t spreadable. I get thrown out of my . . . my sheepherding class because a wolf ate my training flock. Who’d have thought there’d actually be a wolf in sheep’s clothing?" "Cousin, maybe nine blisters, two purple feet and fourteen dead sheep are a sign that you really belong in Chicago," Balki suggests. Larry pulls one of his purple feet out of the bucket to rub it with a towel and sighs, "Well . . . Balki, maybe you’re right. I mean, who am I kidding?" Larry tries to lift his other foot out of the bucket but it’s stuck. He tries to push the bucket off with no luck. "I’m going back to Chicago," Larry capitulates. "You . . . you belong in Chicago," Balki points out. "Well, you know something?" Larry asks, "So do you!" "I would love to go back to Chicago but this is a conversation you have to have with Mama," Balki insists, "When you say it to me . . . you know, it just really bums me out."

Balki gets up and walks away. Larry stands up and walks toward Balki, his foot still stuck in the bucket. "Well, Balki, there’s got to be something that . . . that we could say to change her mind." "Cousin, you don’t know Mama," Balki sighs, "When she gets an idea in her head trying to get that idea out of her head is like trying to teach an old frog new tricks. Now Mama has decided that she wants me here and that is that. I . . . I don’t know, Cousin, how I can explain this to you?" They have walked over to the other side of the hut where a hammock is hanging. "Have a seat," Balki suggests, and they sit down together. Larry still has the bucket on his foot. "Balki, I came five thousand miles to try to talk Mama into letting you come back to America and that’s what I’m gonna do," Larry states. "Well," Balki sighs, then they hear Mama approaching, singing loudly, "She works hard for the money, so hard for the money . . . " "Looks like you’re gonna get your chance," Balki says, and he and Larry struggle to get up out of the hammock. "She works hard for the money so you better treat her right," Mama sings as she comes in the door, pausing to chase away the chickens. Larry remains standing by the hammock as Balki runs to the other side of the door to greet his Mama.

Mama sees Balki and hugs him, sighing, "Balki! Balki, babiki!" "Mama!" Balki hugs her back. She kisses him then steps back to look at him proudly, smiling, "That’s very nice. Very nice." She walks to the kitchen to set down the kettle she’s carrying, not noticing Larry on the other side of the hut. "Uh, welcome home, Mama," Balki offers. "Thank you," Mama answers. "Mama, guess what?" Balki asks. "What?" Mama asks with her back still to him. "Cousin Larry has come to visit!" Balki says happily. "Huh, yeah right!" Mama scoffs. "Hello, Mama," Larry says. Mama stops what she’s doing and remains still, then finally she turns to see Larry. "Mama, we have to talk," Larry says. "Balki, go ludiki bang bong poki noki waka yahoo," Mama instructs. "Mama, Mama, eh . . . I want to stayiki," Balki argues. "Go ludiki bang bong poki noki waka yahoo," Mama orders more sternly. "Why no stayiki?" Balki cries. "Because I’m the Mama and I said so!" Mama screams in a screeching voice. Balki and Larry both look shocked. Balki turns to Larry and says, "Cousin, if she gets you in a head lock just yell. I’ll be right outside." Balki hurries out the door.

Mama approaches Larry with her arms open, sighing, "Cousin Larry." "Hello, Mama," Larry smiles. "Hello, hello, yes," Mama says, "Yes. Yes, I uh . . . we eat. We eat." "No, I don’t . . . " Larry tries to protest. "Oh yes," Mama says, and she picks up a huge bench and carries it around to the other side of the table. "No, no, I . . . Mama, I really don’t . . . " Larry continues to argue as he follows her, "No I’m not . . . I’m not hungry. No . . . no, Mama . . . nothing . . . Mama, we . . . " Mama sets a large pot with a wooden spoon in it on the bench then sits down. "Mama, we have to talk," Larry says. "Cousin Larry, sit down . . . " Mama grabs Larry and pulls him onto her lap. " . . . and take a load off." "Oh no no, Mama," Larry cries as Mama takes a spoonful of food and shoves in into his mouth. "Very nice," Mama smiles, "Very nice. Mmmmm. This a new dish and I want your take on it." Larry keeps protesting as Mama shoves another spoonful of food into his mouth. Larry starts to choke and Mama cries, "Oh! Oh no! No, no, Cousin Larry!" Mama jumps up and grabs a bota bag from the kitchen and hurries to Larry with it.

Mama holds the bota bag in front of Larry and squirts liquid from it into Larry’s mouth. Larry stops choking. "Better?" Mama asks. Larry moans in the affirmative. "Yak juice," Mama explains the contents of the bota bag. Larry gags and leans forward, coughing. "Cousin Larry," Mama says as she gets another spoonful, "Cousin Larry, yes . . . " "Oh no, Mama, no no, that’s enough," Larry argues, pushing the spoon away, "That’s enough, Mama. No, Mama. Mama, we’ll . . . we’ll eat later. All right?" "Yes," Mama sighs. Larry approaches Mama, saying, "Mama?" "Yes," Mama sighs. "Mama?" "Yes?" "We have to talk," Larry says gently, just as he steps forward with his foot that’s still in the bucket, stepping with it onto Mama’s foot. Mama lets out a long, loud "Yiyiyiyiyiyi!" kind of scream as Larry jumps back. Mama hops around on one foot and dances around, trying to shake off the pain. "Sorry!" Larry cries. Mama tries to step on the bucket to help Larry remove it, then reaches down to grab it and pull. "Here take this . . . all right, all right," Larry says, and the motion three as Mama pulls. Larry’s foot comes out of the bucket and Mama flies around and lands with her stomach across the hammock. "Oh no," Mama gasps.

"All right, okay, Mama!" Larry calls as he gets up and runs over to help her, "Okay here . . . let me . . . let me help you up. Let me help you up, Mama. Let me help you." Larry straddles Mama to try to lift her but Mama cries out in protest. "Here, hang on! Hang on, Mama!" Larry says as he runs around to the other side to help lift her, "Hang on! All right, here we go. Here we go." "Oh yes," Mama says as Larry lifts her, then she comments, "What happened to your feet? They’re funny color!" Mama manages to get to her feet and Larry says, "There. Are you okay? Are you okay, Mama? Are you all right now?" Larry steps over the hammock and manages to step right onto Mama’s other foot. "Oh, yiyiyiyiyiyi!" Mama screams again and she starts to hop around, "Oh! Ooh! Ow ow ow ow ow." Larry leads her to the bench and suggests, "Sit down, Mama. Here we go." They both sit down and Mama sighs, "Oh! Ooh!" She gives Larry a long look and finally asks, "Why have you come to Mypos?" She guesses, "You come to take Balki back to America."

"Well, yes, Mama," Larry admits. "Yes," Mama sighs. "I . . . I was hoping to talk you into letting him go back," Larry continues, "Convincikaki." "Yes," Mama nods, "Go back . . . go back." "Balki’s whole life is in America," Larry explains. "Yes," Mama sighs. "His job is there." "Job, yes . . . " "His . . . his friends who miss him." "Friends, yes." "His girlfriend who . . . who loves him." "Skinny Minny?" Mama asks. "Skinny Minny," Larry confirms. "Yes," mama sighs, then she says, "Feed her, Cousin Larry." "I will, Mama," Larry promises. "Please," Mama emphasizes. "I will," Larry says. "Such a tiny little thing," Mama indicates. "Mama, Balki loves you very much," Larry continues. "Yes, yes," Mama acknowledges, "Yes." "But if you really want Balki to be happy . . . " "Yes." " . . . you’re gonna have to let him go back to America." Mama looks at Larry sincerely and says, "You have come very far and you have broken my foot. You . . . you must love Balki very much." "Yes, I do, Mama," Larry confirms. "You do," Mama nods. "And . . . and so do all of his friends in America," Larry adds. "Balki many, many friends in America?" Mama asks. "Yes . . . yes, Mama," Larry nods. "And is very much love in America?" "Yes, Mama."

Mama stands and Larry stands with her. After thinking a moment, Mama says, "Balki go . . . go back to America. And then . . . then Balki happy and . . . and . . . and Mama happy." "And I will be happy," Larry smiles. "And then . . . " Mama says as she leads Larry to an open space, "Then . . . then we’ll all will be so happy we do the Dance of Joy." Larry and Mama perform the Dance of Joy together with Larry ending up in Mama’s arms. Balki runs back into the hut and sees Larry in Mama’s arms. "Either I’m going back to America or . . . or there’s a mouse in the hut." Mama sets Larry down and approaches Balki, saying, "Balki . . . Balki, go home. Go back to America." "Mama!" Balki exclaims happily, and he gives her a hug. "Babiki, yes, very, very nice," Mama smiles. "Thank you, Mama," Balki offers. "No problem," Mama smiles. "Mama, you can come to America to live with us if you want," Balki suggests. Larry starts motioning wildly behind Mama’s back, "No!" "Well . . . I saw that," Mama says as she turns on Larry, "No, Mama belongs in Mypos, you know." Larry nods in emphatic agreement and Mama turns on him again, making him freeze. Balki and Mama hug again as Mama sighs, "Babiki, yes . . . very, very nice."

Some time later in America, Larry, Jennifer and Mary Anne enter the house and stand by the open door. They are all dressed very nicely. "He’ll be in in a minute," Larry says, "He’s never run up the sidewalk as an American citizen before." Balki appears in the doorway and says, "This is the first time . . . " Balki rings the doorbell repeatedly. " . . . I’ve rung the doorbell as an American citizen." "You looked so cute when you were being sworn in," Mary Anne smiles. "We’re very proud of you, Balki," Larry adds. "Congratulations, Balki, we’re glad you’re here to stay," Jennifer smiles. Balki flings himself onto the couch, exclaiming, "This is the first time I’ve flung myself on the couch as an American citizen!" Balki jumps up and runs to the others, saying, "And you know . . . you know what is the most amazing thing?" "What’s that?" Larry asks. "The exact moment that I was sworn in and I became an American citizen, I completely lost my accent!" Balki runs excitedly into the kitchen. Larry look at the girls and says, "We’ll tell him in the morning." Balki runs back out of the kitchen and slides into a group hug with the others, exclaiming, "And this is the first time that I’ve hugged all three of my very best friends in the whole world all at the same time as an American citizen!" With that, the episode ends.

Continue on to the next episode . . .