Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 13 - Falling In Love Is . . .

First Air Date: November 12, 1986
Nielsen Rating: 17.2 HH

Co-Producer: James OíKeefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: William Bickley & Michael Warren
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton

Guest Cast:
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Karen Lynn Scott: Carol Mosley
Dave Ketchum: Customer
Cynthia Crummer: Female Customer

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri can be seen sitting on top of the refrigerator through most of the episode (heís sitting on top of something but on my copy I canít tell if itís a scale, a cutting board or perhaps a little dinner table where heís waiting for a date!).  He is more prominent in the final scene when Larry has his sitting on a table to comfort Balki when he goes to bed after being dumped by Carol.  Dimitri is also seen wearing a little pair of wax lips throughout the episode.

"Dang Dongs" (instead of Ding Dongs)
"And then Balki, the immigrant sheepherder who doesnít even know what fork to eat his soup with come home with a beautiful woman and I think youíre just a little bit blue with envy."
"Well, I donít think you would have mind so much if I bring home someone who had been beaten with the ugly rock."
"You ainít just whistling Dixie Cups!"

Donít be ridiculous: Said twice in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Tell me something I donít know!" (first time)
"Oh po po!"
"I donít think so."
"Are you crazy?"
"You tricked Balki!"
"Get out of the city!" (first time)

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Larry alludes to something sexual in nature and Balki just doesn't get it
Balki laughs at his own joke
Larry explain something to Balki, and Balki asks, "Wait a minute . . . are you saying . . . ?" and then repeats exactly the same thing Larry said
Balki picks up Larry in some odd way
Balki jumps over and onto the couch

Songs: "Young at Heart" - sung by Balki and mistakenly attributed to Jiminy Cricket
"When You Wish Upon a Star" - sung by Larry and finished by Balki and Larry
"Carol" - sung by Balki when he returns from his last date with Carol Mosley

Interesting facts:
- Balki mentions buying his first pair of Levis jeans for Men with "just a skosh more room."  Levis for Men actually used to advertise during the program.
- Probably one of the most under-utilized guest spots on the show was Dave Ketchum as the customer in this episode.  A wonderful character actor, Dave Ketchum is probably best known to TV fans as Agent 13 in Get Smart (he always used to be hidden in the most unusual and uncomfortable places).  He also made many guest appearances on Happy Days (and oddly enough a Happy Days reference is made during this episode as well!).
- The little soft drinks Balki refers to are more commonly known as wax soda bottles.  These confections were created by the American Candy Company in 1899 and are basically wax bottles with flavored syrups inside.  The idea is one would bite off the top and drink the liquid then chew on the wax container like gum.  The American Candy Company also gave us wax lips, which are flavored and also intended to be chewed.
- Balkiís introduction of Carol with the long "And heeeeereís Carol!" was a take off on the way Ed McMahon used to introduce Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show with "And heeeeeereís Johnny!"
- Balki refers to Richie Cunningham on Happy Days in this episode.  It would not be the last reference to that classic sitcom made in this series (which both Bob Boyett and Paula Roth, as well as other PS production members, had worked on).
- This is the first time an episode ends with the camera panning back outside the window of the apartment, focusing on a warm moment inside.  It was also the first really deeply emotional episode of the series.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
This is one of the few times someone rings the doorbell at their apartment instead of knocking on the door.  In the upcoming episode, The Rent Strike, Balki says he fixed the doorbell and so maybe their doorbell just doesn't work most of the time!
- When Bronson opens the door and introduces Carol Mosley one of the snaps of his suspenders comes off and he has to quickly clip it back in place, which he does seamlessly.
- After Carol leaves, Balki starts to clear the snacks he's prepared from the coffee table in the living room while he and Larry discuss what's happened.  At one point Balki goes to pick up two plates of food from the table, but when it cuts away and cuts back one of the plates has disappeared!  (Many thanks to Cousin Cheryl on our Facebook group for spotting this one!)

The episode begins at the Ritz Discount Store.  Larry approaches a female customer, eyeing her with more than just passing interest.  "Hi," Larry smiles, "Is there anything I can do for you?"  She looks him up and down before curtly answering, "No, I donít think so," and then she stalks out snootily.  As she exits the store, Balki enters and cries happily, "Cousin!  This is the greatest day of my life!  Even greater than the day I bought my first pair of Levis for Men with just a skosh more room."  "What happened?" Larry asks.  "Today I am in love!" Balki proclaims.  "You fell in love during your lunch break?" Larry asks, then adds, "Where is this restaurant?"  "I had lunch with Carol Mosley," Balki explains, "She's the girl I tell you about from my American history class."  "Yes, the one you've been worshipping from afar," Larry remembers.  "But that's when she sit way on the other side of the class," Balki says, "But, I . . . I notice her because she's a poor, shy little creature huddled in the corner.  But last night the teacher put us together and she begin to open up like a little flower."  "Well, that's nice!" Larry smiles.

"And then today we had to have lunch to discuss the term paper we have to write," Balki continues, "And . . . and . . . she . . . she confess to me that she has had secret feeling for me, too, and itís just like the great Jiminy Cricket said . . . "  Balki launches into the opening line from the song Young at Heart, "Fairy tales can come true, it could happen to you . . . "  Larry corrects him and says "Thatís Frank Sinatra.  I think Jiminy Cricket said . . . " and launches into When You Wish Upon a Star, singing, "When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are . . . when you wish . . . "  " . . . upon a star," Balki joins in.  "Your dreams come true!" they finish together in harmony.  A male customer has been listening and nods with approval.  "Balki, you're in love!  Congratulations!" Larry offers, giving him a hug.  "Thank you!  Thank you!" Balki smiles.  "I'm very happy . . . " Larry begins.  The male customer steps forward and nicely asks, "Can I buy something before the next chorus?"  Larry rings up the item for the man and says, "Thank you."  The man smiles at them and leaves.  "Cousin, is it okay if Carol come over tonight to study?" Balki asks.  "I guess so," Larry replies, "We bachelors have to help each other out.  I'll just say a quick hello and make myself scarce so you can be alone.  Huh?"  He gives Balki a knowing look.  "Iím not going to be alone, Carol will be with me," Balki points out innocently.

That evening in the apartment, Larry is standing in front of Balki and begins to explain, "Okay, here's how it works . . . when Carol gets here you'll introduce me, I'll make a little small talk, say what a great guy you are and then I'll go to the movie."  They go into the kitchen where Balki grabs some snacks and brings them into the living room.  "Now, the movie gets out at 10:50.  If I get back and the curtain is drawn I'll go to the coffee shop and call you, letting it ring once.  That'll be your signal that you have exactly twenty minutes to finish any, uh . . . you know . . . unfinished business.  Got it?"  "I had no idea my date would make your life so complicated," Balki says in wonder.  "Donít worry about," Larry assures him, "Everything makes my life complicated.  What's this?"  Larry motions to the food.  "Oh, these are special things for a special evening," Balki explains, holding up each item as he goes through them, "Zingers . . . Dang Dongs . . . candy-coated corn . . . "  He reaches into a bowl of popcorn and lifts it out as one big clump.  " . . . and I don't know what you call these but they are little soft drinks and you can eat the bottle.  No deposit, no return!"  Balki laughs at his own joke.

Larry spots another glass tray on the coffee table and picks it up.  "Are these what I think they are?"  "My favorite!" Balki says gleefully, "Wax lips!"  Balki puts on a pair to demonstrate, making flirty faces at Larry.  "Balki, give me the lips," Larry insists.  "Uhnn uhh!" Balki refuses.  "Give me the lips," Larry repeats.  "Uhnn uhh!"  "Give me the lips!"  "Uhnn uhh!"  Larry pokes Balki in the stomach and Balki spits out the lips, which Larry catches and puts back on the tray.  "Believe me," Larry assures him, "wax lips do not a romantic evening make!"  Balki sulks, then digs into his pocket to remove a few more wax lips, putting them onto the tray as the doorbell rings.  "It's her!" Balki realizes.  They go to the door and Larry sets the wax lips aside as Balki opens the door, announcing, "And heeeeereís Carol!"  The door opens to reveal a beautiful bombshell of a woman wearing an slinky (and somewhat revealing) party dress.  Larry is amazed and surprised.

"Hi, Balki," Carol smiles as she enters.  "Hi, Carol," Balki replies, "This is my Cousin Larry."  "Hi, Carol," Larry offers.  Balki closes the door as Carol turns around the smells the air.  "Oh, what is that that you're wearing?" she asks.  "Well, I'm wearing my shirt . . . and my suspenders and . . . and my Spiderman underwear . . . "  Larry motions to Balki desperately, trying to tell him that's not what Carol meant, then gives up.  "No, no," Carol says, "I . . . I meant your cologne.  No wonder all the girls at school are crazy about you."  "Oh!" Balki says with embarrassment, then adds, "Tell me something I don't know!"  Balki leads Carol to the couch and Larry crosses behind it to sit in the chair.  "Okay, you come here and sit down," Balki directs Carol, "and Cousin Larry will make some small talk with you so that he can go to a movie and leave us alone."  Larry looks a little embarrassed, but Carol just shares a playful moment with Balki before he goes into the kitchen.

"Uh, so um . . . " Larry begins, "you're in Balki's history class?"  "Uh huh," Carol confirms, "I hate history.  But I have to take it to get my high school diploma."  "Hey, isn't Balki a great guy?  Huh?" Larry asks.  "Yeah," Carol smiles, "But uh . . . let's talk about you.  I hear you're a photographer."  "Uh, yes I am," Larry replies.  "Can you get me into a modeling agency?" Carol asks.  "Well, uh . . . I . . . " Larry stammers.  "Nudity is no problem," she assures him.  Larry is speechless at this, then finds his voice to call, "Balki?"  Balki returns from the kitchen with a tray holding a bottle of 7-Up and some glasses.  "Anyone for some un-cola?" he asks.  Balki sets the tray on the coffee table.  "No thanks," Carol says, picking up her purse, "I'd better be running."  "But . . . but, Carol, we have to put our notes together so we can start writing our term paper," Balki reminds her.  "Oh," Carol says worriedly, "Uh . . . I meant to tell you, uh . . . my mother's in the hospital and . . . and she needs me.  You understand?"  "Well, of course I do!" Balki assures her, "Your mama in the hospital!  So run away child and donít look back!  Donít worry, I put our notes together and next time we start writing."

"Oh, Balki," Carol smiles, leaning over to give him a kiss on the cheek, "You're the best study partner a girl could have!  And I just 'wuv' you to death!"  She reaches into her purse and pulls out a piece of paper, explaining, "Uh, here are my notes."  Balki stares at her longingly, making her uncomfortable.  "Uh well . . . I better be running," she says, "Cab's waiting."  She walks out the door, closing it behind her.  Balki, who is still smitten, turns to Larry.  "Isn't she wonderful?"  "Uh, Balki . . . I can't help noticing that I'm here and . . . she's not," Larry points out.  "Well, of course not," Balki says, "Her mother is in the hospital."  "She looked a little overdressed for a hospital visit, don't ya think?" Larry asks.  "Well, her mother is probably in a very nice hospital," Balki concludes.  "Well, it looked to me like she was dressed up for a date . . . with somebody else," Larry states.  "Oh Cousin, that is not possibly," Balki argues, "You heard her.  She 'wuvs' me to death."  After a moment, Balki asks, "Is 'wuv' the same thing as 'love' or is there something wrong with her tongue?"  "There's something wrong with her tongue all right," Larry assures Balki, "It's forked."

Larry motions for Balki to sit on the couch as he sits on the chair again.  "Balki . . . in Madison I knew a girl like Carol.  Her name was Misty.  She was in my algebra class.  I was very good in algebra.  Of course I was, it had nothing to do with life.  And I started going around telling everyone how much in love we were but it turned out they were just laughing behind my back, 'cause they knew that she was just using me to get a good grade.  Well, at the end of the semester Misty got her 'A' and then she dumped me.  It really broke my heart.  You see what I'm getting at?"  "Well, of course I do!  Don't be ridiculous!" Balki says.  "Yes," Larry says.  "You don't want me to take algebra.  Point well taken!"  Balki picks up the tray of soda and goes into the kitchen.  "Balki!  Balki!" Larry continues, following him, "Carol is using you to do her work and when the class is over she won't remember your name."  "Wait a minute," Balki says, "Are you saying that Carol is using me to do her work and that when the class is over she won't remember my name?"  Larry stares a Balki a moment then confirms, "Yes."

Balki stares at Larry in shock, then exclaims, "Oh po po!" as he walks into the living room to get the rest of the snacks.  "What po po?" Larry asks.  "Po po!" Balki says accusingly, "You haven't had a date in four weeks and then Balki the immigrant sheepherder who doesn't even know what fork to eat his soup with comes home with a beautiful woman and I think that you're just a little bit blue with envy."  Balki goes back into the kitchen.  "That's green with envy," Larry corrects, "and I don't believe I am!"  "Well, I don't think you would have mind so much if I had bring home someone who had been beaten with the ugly rock!" Balki notes.  "Stick!  Stick!" Larry corrects, "Ugly stick!  And I . . . I am just trying to help you!"  "Jealous!  Jealous!  Jealous!" Balki accuses Larry.  "Me?  Jealous?" Larry scoffs.  "You got that right, Mr. Lonely Guy," Balki says.  "All right," Larry sighs, "I tried.  If you don't want to listen to me, fine.  But when she breaks your heart, and she will, just remember . . . I tried to warn you."  Larry walks away, shaking his head, and leaves Balki standing in the living room with his arms crossed defiantly as the scene fades to black.

Act two begins in the apartment two weeks later.  Larry is sitting on the couch trying to get the flash attachment for his camera to work.  "Come on," Larry sighs, "Youíve got new batteries, what more do you want?"  Larry points the flash at his eyes right when it goes off, blinding himself.  Balki walks out of the bedroom, calling, "Cousin?"  "Balki?" Larry answers blindly, groping around him until Balki sits down on the couch beside him, then he says, "Oh."  "Cousin . . . before I tell you what I'm going to tell you, I want to tell you that last night Carol told me . . . she loved me, again," Balki says.  "Oh, sheís gone all the way from 'wuv' to 'love' in two weeks," Larry says sarcastically, "That's real progress."  "Cousin," Balki sighs, "I want you to like her better because tonight the last class and after we hand in our term paper I'm going to pop the question."  Larry is shocked.  "What?  Balki, you're going to ask her to marry you?"  "Well, of course not, don't be ridiculous," Balki says, "Iím going to 'pop the question.'"  "Thatís what 'pop the question' means," Larry explains.  "Oh, then Iím not gonna do that," Balki assures him, "What is it on 'Happy Days' reruns when Richie Cunningham gives a girl his class ring?"  "That's 'going steady,'" Larry explains.

"Thatís what Iím going to do!" Balki corrects himself, getting up to walk to the bookcase, "Iím going to ask her to go steady!"  "Well, it's your life . . . and it's your class ring," Larry says, then thinks about it and notes, "You don't have a class ring."  Balki returns carrying a piece of jewelry, kneeling down behind the couch to show it to Larry.  "I do have this," he says, "My great-grand-nana's emerald broach."  "Is that real?" Larry asks in awe.  "Well, of course it is," Balki answers, "It's been in my family for two hundred years.  Every first born Bartokomous son give it to the woman who steals his heart."  "You're gonna give that to Carol?" Larry asks in disbelief.  "Yes!" Balki confirms, "You don't think she like it?"  "Oh sheíll 'wuv' it!" Larry counters, "All the way to the pawn shop!  Give me that."  Balki pulls it away from Larry's grasp.  "No, Balki, give me that pin!"  "I don't think so!" Balki states.  "I just want to see it," Larry says calmly, "I've heard so much about it."  "I just mentioned it for the first time," Balki points out.  "Well, yes, that's when I heard so much about it," Larry explains, "May I see it?  Please?  I'll give it right back."  "Do you promise?" Balki asks.  "I promise," Larry says in the most sincere voice he can muster, nodding his head.

Balki hands him the broach.  Larry snatches the broach and leaps up from the couch, exclaiming, "Are you crazy?"  "Give me that!" Balki cries, jumping over the back of the couch to chase after Larry, who runs to the closet door.  "You're gonna give a family heirloom to that barracuda?" Larry cries.  "You tricked Balki!" Balki says angrily.  "You're darn right I tricked Balki!" Larry confirms.  Balki advances on Larry, who holds up a chair between them.  "Give me nana's pin!" Balki insists.  "No, I won't give you nana's pin!" Larry insists, "I'm gonna put it in a safe deposit box until you grow up!"  "Will you give me that?" Balki asks, taking the chair away from Larry.  Larry cowers against the closet door, muttering, "No!  No!" as he clutches the pin in his hand.  Suddenly he starts to cry in pain.  "Ow!  Ow!  Ow, ow, ow!  It is sticking me!"  Balki helps to remove the pin from Larry's hand, sympathetic to his pain and trying to help, sighing, "Oh, Cousin."

While Balki is focused on Larry's hand, Larry grabs the broach from Balki's hand and tries to run away, but Balki grabs Larry around the middle and lifts him up so Larry is running with his legs spinning in the air, not getting anywhere.  "All right, put me down," Larry orders.  Balki sets Larry down and he immediately runs away, hiding behind the corner of the wall.  "Give me the pin!" Balki says.  "No!" Larry insists, "I can't stop you from asking Carol to go steady.  But . . . just let me keep the pin for a day.  If you ask her to go steady and she says yes, then I'll give you back the pin with . . . with my apologies and my blessing."  "Cousin, she loves me," Balki insists, going to the closet door to get his coat, "I don't know why you can't believe that.  I don't need the pin and I don't need your apology.  I want your blessing!"  "Honest to God, I hope I am wrong about Carol," Larry offers sincerely.  Balki leaves and Larry looks worried.

Later that evening, Jennifer has come down to the apartment while Larry prepares for Balki's return home.  "Are you sure this woman is going to hurt Balki that badly?" Jennifer asks as she removes wax lips from a paper bag and puts them into a bowl on the kitchen table.  "Am I sure?" Larry asks, getting a container of ice cream from the freezer, "I've been there.  When he comes through that door he'll be a shell of his former self.  Oh, he'll pretend everything's all right while you're here.  But as soon as you leave, he'll open up . . . pour his poor pitiful heart out.  I'll comfort him.  I've got some tissues . . . and the ice cream will cheer him up . . . a little.  And then he'll sleep a dreamless sleep with his arms around Dimitri."  "Gosh, youíre a great friend," Jennifer says in awe.  "I can be more than a friend, Jennifer," Larry says desperately.  Jennifer is a bit taken aback.

Suddenly, Balki bursts through the door belting Chuck Berryís Carol and proceeds to dance and air guitar Berry style around the apartment.  Balki sees the items on the table and exclaims, "Wax lips!  Let's party!"  He continues to dance around the apartment.  "You were right, heís devastated," Jennifer comments sarcastically.  She leaves, wishing Larry, "Good luck."  Larry sees her to the door and closes it behind her.  Balki grabs Larry and uses him as a guitar, singing, "You can't dance, I know you wish you could, I got my eye on you baby 'cause you dance so good!"  Balki flings Larry into the rolling desk and then dances to the table, discovering the ice cream.  "Macadamia nut ice cream!  My favorite!  But I'm too excited to eat!"  "What happened tonight?" Larry asks.  "Not what you thought was going to happen!" Balki reports.  "She didn't break up with you?" Larry asks.  "Nooo!" Balki confirms.

"You asked her to go steady?" Larry asks.  "Yep!" Balki replies.  "And she said . . . ?"  "Yep!"  "You asked Carol Mosley, the same girl that was here two weeks ago to go steady with you and she said yes?" Larry asks in disbelief.  "You ain't just whistlin' Dixie cups!" Balki says adamantly.  "This was the last night of class . . . school is over?" Larry asks.  "Uh huh," Balki confirms, "Now is there something you'd like to crawl over here and say?"  "Well, Balki, what can I say?" Larry sighs, reaching into his pocket to retrieve the broach, "I . . . I made a big, big mistake.  I am so sorry.  Here . . . please, give this to Carol with my blessing and . . . and . . . I never should have taken it to begin with."  "Cousin, it's okay," Balki assures him, "I'm too happy to be mad!"  He hops over the back of the couch to sit down.  "Carol was so beautiful the way she tilted her head to the side after I asked her to go steady and said, 'You and me go steady?  That's cute.'  And then she was so happy that she burst out laughing!"

Larry starts to worry again.  "Balki, exactly how did she laugh?" Larry asks, "I . . . I mean, uh . . . was it like . . . ?"  Larry laughs in a coy, girlish manner.  " . . . or was it like?"  Larry laughs derisively, pointing his finger.  Balki thinks about this, and then asks, "The first one again?"  Larry repeats the coy, girlish laugh.  "Well, uh . . . it was more like the second one but she don't point," Balki says, "Why do you ask?"  "After you asked her to go steady, did you make any plans for the future?" Larry asks.  "Oh hoo, it's all we could talk about!" Balki says happily, "We are both bursting with joy.  She tell me that, eh . . . she will be very busy looking for a job and also for a new apartment because she's moving out of the building called 'Jack's Place.'"  "Did she say something like, uh, she was too busy to get together real soon?" Larry ventures.  "Yes!  And I told her I understand," Balki confirms.  "Did she also say she was gonna be getting a new phone and she'd call you as soon as she had her new number?" Larry asks.  "Get out of the city!" Balki exclaims in shock, "You were listening!"

Knowing he now has a very difficult job, Larry moans and walks around to sit beside Balki on the couch.  "Oh boy," he sighs, "Balki . . . I'm afraid this is really gonna hurt.  When a woman says she's too busy, that's her way of putting you off.  And when she says she's getting a new phone, she has no intention of giving you the number.  And 'Jack's Place' is not the name of a building . . . it's . . . Jack's . . . place."  "Well, Cousin, she don't say any of those things," Balki argues.  "Not in those words but that's what she meant," Larry explains.  "Why are you doing this again?" Balki asks, "Why can't you just be happy for me?   What you saying is no true!"  "Balki, if you don't believe me, then just call her yourself," Larry suggests gently.  Balki gets up from the couch and walks to the phone next to the door.  He picks up the receiver and dials, then waits for an answer.  "Hello?" Balki says, then looks confused, asking, "Who is this?"  After a moment Balki looks worried and asks, "Jack, may I speak to Carol, please?"  Still trying to convince himself, Balki says, "I think her brother's probably named Jack."

Balki's face brightens and he says, "Carol!  Carol, this is Balki!  Do you want to go to the movies tomorrow night?"  Balki's expression drops as he replies, "Well . . . of course I remember you that said you were busy but . . . but . . . it is Saturday."  Balki looks more and more devastated as he listens to Carol.  "Well, well . . . yes, but . . . yes, but, but . . . but, but . . . I . . . I thought . . . I thought we were . . . "  It finally sinks in as Carol gives it to him straight.  "Oh.  Oh, I see.  Okay.  Goodbye, Carol.  I hope you have a nice life, too."  Larry is listening to all this with empathy as Balki slowly hangs up the phone in shock.  Larry picks up a box of tissues and takes it over to Balki, removing one and holding it out.  Balki is the picture of devastation.  "Jack is . . . is . . . is not her brother," Balki says, trying not to cry, "I made a fool of myself.  You tried to warn me and I wouldn't listen."  "Hey, you fell in love, there's nothing wrong with that," Larry offers sympathetically, "Sometimes when you're in love you . . . you can't think straight.  Take my word for it, the pain will go away."  "When?" Balki asks.  "Well, not for a long, long time," Larry admits, "But it will go away.  Hey, come on."

Larry motions Balki to the couch, where Balki sits.  Larry stops to get the ice cream and two spoons and sits next to Balki.  "I am never . . . going to fall in love again," Balki states.  "Sure you will," Larry assures him.  "No I won't!" Balki cries, "I donít want to, it hurts too much!"  "Hey, hey . . . I know it hurts," Larry says, rubbing Balkiís shoulder, "but Carol was just not the right girl for you, she wasnít good enough for you.  And somewhere out there is, uh . . . is somebody who's right for you . . . somebody whoís worthy to wear your nanaís broach.  And youíll fall in love with her and sheíll fall in love with you and . . . and youíll forget about all the Carols in this world."  Balki sobs, "Iím glad youíre here" and they embrace warmly.  Larry takes a spoonful of ice cream from the container and hands it to Balki, saying "Here."  He then adds, "I bought four gallons."  Balki laughs through his tears.  Together they sit, sharing the ice cream and each othersí company as the camera pans back through the window.

Script Variations:
There are some distinct differences in the first draft of the script dated September 10, 1986:
- Jennifer appears in the opening scene at the Ritz Discount Store to thank Larry for watering her plants while she and Mary Anne will be in Amsterdam.  Larry asks if she would be interested in seeing the new Tom Stoppard play when she gets back and she says she already saw it in London the week before.  Larry tells her they'll catch the movie version instead.  As Jennifer leaves Balki enters.  Approaching Larry, Balki says, "How are you doing with Jennifer?"  And then slyly, "Did you get to first base yet?"  Larry answers, "No, I didn't get to first base yet.  I haven't even been issued a uniform."  Balki comments, "You might do better with Jennifer if you didn't kill her plants every time she leaves town."  "Okay, so I don't have a green thumb," Larry moans.  Balki looks at his own thumbs prompting Larry to say, "It's an expression.  It means I'm not good with plants . . . or women."
- Balki attributes the song he sings to Walt Disney instead of Jiminy Cricket.  After they finish singing he says, "Walt was a great philosopher."
- Mr. Twinkacetti has an interesting subplot in the original script which ties in with the overall story.  He enters the store in a bad mood, as he's serving jury duty.  Twinkacetti comments that he knew the guy was guilty the moment he walked into the courtroom.  "Oh really?" Larry asks.  "How could you tell that?"  "He's a friend of mine," Twinkacetti explains and walks into his office.  "There goes a living flaw in our legal system," Larry says.  "Yes, he's not so bad after all," Balki replies, misunderstanding.
- When talking about his upcoming date with Carol, Balki says he wants it to be "some enchanted evening, if you know what I mean."  He later explains that by "enchanted" he means having some nice snacks, making popcorn and watching Moonlighting.  After Balki says he won't be alone because Carol will be with him he exits, leaving Larry to comment, "There's a man who should never go on The Dating Game."
- Larry and Carol's uncomfortable conversation goes on a little longer.  She asks Larry if he's an actor.  Larry's flattered and says, "No . . . do I remind you of someone famous."  "Yeah, the guy in that little boat in the toilet commercial," Carol answers (referring to the Ty-D-Bol Man).  When Larry says to Carol, "Balki's . . . one of a kind," she answers, "Yeah, he's cute . . . for an immigrant."  Carol continues after she says she hates history by explaining that she dropped out of high school to go to beauty school but got sick of touching all those heads, not knowing where they've been.  She says she wants a good job for which she needs a high school diploma and when Larry asks what she wants to do she says she wants to be a receptionist.
- Balki's line after asking if anyone wants some "Un-Cola" is "No caffeine . . . never had it, never will," completing the 7-UP catch phrase.
- When Carol leaves she calls Larry "Barry" instead.
- Larry reminds Balki that he does well in history and asks how Carol is doing in the class.  "Well, I don't know," Balki answers, "But it must be pretty easy for her.  She naps a lot in class."  Larry starts his personal story by saying he knew a Carol Mosley, to which Balki says "That's amazing.  You went to high school together?  She didn't remember you at all!"  As Larry is telling his story about Misty he's getting lost in the memory of her: "She was beautiful.  Tanned, long legs.  Hair like silk.  I would have walked through the gates of "Hell" for that girl."  At this point Balki says, "Larry, come back."  (note, no "Cousin!")
- When Larry warns Balki about what Carol is going to do to him, Balki compares what Larry is doing to what Twinkacetti is doing at jury duty.  "Mr. Twinkacetti has already decided a man is guilty before his trial.  And you've decided Carol is guilty.  And you've only just met her."  Larry defends himself with, "Not true!  I'm using past experience - - painful past experience - - and what I've seen here tonight in order to . . . (REALIZING THE FRAGILE FOUNDATION OF WHAT HE'S SAYING) . . . decide she's guilty . . . having only just met her.  Look, Balki, I know what I'm talking about."
- As Balki keeps getting his metaphors wrong while defending Carol, Larry says, "Would you get your cliches right!"  After Larry heads for his bedroom Balki says, "Don't worry about it.  Carol and I are in love and you're not going to camouflage it."  Larry turns back and says, "That's sabotage.  Oh, who cares!"
- The scene after the commercial break takes places in the Ritz Discount Store.  Balki tells Larry that he and Carol had a romantic dinner the night before.  "Did she stay for the entire meal this time?" Larry asks.  "Well, she left after the salad, but that's just because she's trying to lose weight," Balki answers.  "Interesting," Larry comments, "A person is dieting who has no visible body fat."  Then catching himself, "But who am I to judge?"  Balki says that after their last class they are going to go out and celebrate the future together . . . "Our future . . . together."  Larry says sincerely, "Look, Balki, I wish you the very best.  I really do.  And whatever happens is none of my business."  Balki says, "Thank you.  And don't worry, Cousin Larry.  Hopefully, someday you will fall in love, too, and you will be as happy as I am."  When Balki walks away, Larry says under his breath "Fools rush in."
- Twinkacetti enters, looking disheveled.  He says, "That's the last time I do my civic duty.  The real criminals were sitting in the jury room with me."  Larry asks how the trial came out and Twinkacetti says it was a hung jury.  Balki asks what a hung jury is and Larry tells him it's when a jurty can't make up its mind.  "Oh, the others made up their minds in the first five minutes.  I was the one that voted guilty for nine hours.  But I finally changed my vote after they got mad and tried to hang me.  Thank God the Balif wouldn't bring them a rope."  Balki says, "Well, now, there's a lesson in this for some of us.  Mr. Twinkacetti thought a man was guilty and he turned out to be innocent.  Surprise.  Surprise."  Balki goes to the stock room while Larry approaches Mr. Twinkacetti.  "Why did you hold out so long?  You must have been convinced he was guilty."  "He was," Twinkacetti explains.  "But how could you be so sure?"  "He was charged with illegal gambling."  "So?" Larry asks.  "So, the man is my bookie.  Since he's not going to jail, I gotta pay him the money I owe him.  Justice stinks."
- When Balki enters the living room of the apartment before bringing up the fact he is planning to ask Carol to go steady he is wearing a new sweater.  "How do you like my sweater?" Balki asks Larry.  "Oh, she bought you a present for a change," Larry says.  "No, I bought it.  But Carol picked it out, along with one for herself."  Balki holds up the term paper and says, "Tonight, Carol and I hand in our term paper - - which, I feel, will get us a big fat 'A'."  "I'm sure it will," Larry agrees.  "You've written a fine paper.  And Carol did a fine cover."  "Well, actually, I did the cover," Balki admit.  "But it was her idea.  She's full of wonderful ideas."  "I'm sure she's full of a lot of things," Larry agrees.
- After Larry takes the pin from Balki, Balki gets ready to leave and says, "I'm going now.  And when I ask Carol to go steady and she says 'yes,' I'll tell her I was going to give her a symbol of our love, but my Cousin Larry stole it."
- When Larry and Jennifer are preparing for Balki to return home broken hearted, Larry sees Balki get off the bus from the window and says, "Boy, he looks pitiful."  Jennifer comments that it's hard to find wax lips when it's not Halloween.  In addition to everything Larry has out he also has hot chocolate simmering on the stove to help Balki sleep.
- Balki tells Larry that Carol's brother picked her up from their date.  Larry says, "Oh, God.  Oh, my.  Balki, was her brother tall, handsome, looked like he spend a lot of time in a tanning salon . . . ?"  Balki says, "Yes.  Do you know her brother?"  Larry continues, "Drives a little, red sports car?"  Balki is amazed.  "You do know her brother."  "Oh, you bet I do," Larry says.  "Every time I meet a good looking girl, her brother comes and kicks sand in my face."  "What are you talking about?" Balki asks.  "Are you going crazy again, Cousin?"
- The end is slightly different, with Larry saying, "But someday you'll fall in love again, and she'll be the right one.  And then it will be worth all the pain of getting there."  Balki asks, "How do you know all these things?"  Larry answers, "I read a lot."  And then the eat the ice cream.

The shooting script dated September 16, 1986 is much closer to the final product but also has a couple of differences:
- Twinkacetti is still in the script.  He leaves for jury duty at the very beginning of the show, but this is the only reference to Twinkacetti in the script . . . they do not make any comparisons between Twinkacetti's case and Carol at all.
- When Larry walks back to the bedroom after telling Balki that Carol will break his heart and he told him so, Balki says, "Don't worry.  Carol and I are in love.  And for your information she would have loved the wax lips."

Continue on to the next episode . . .