Strangers Episode Guide
131 - Car Tunes
First Air Date: December 6, 1991
Filming Date: October 18, 1991
Nielsen Rating: 13.5 HH
Description: After Larry has one car stereo after another stolen, he
wages war on crime by arming his car with an alarm that keeps everyone awake at
Produced by: Alan Plotkin
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Tom Devanney
Directed by: Judy Pioli
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne Spencer
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Appleton
can be seen on the fireplace mantel in the living room.
There are no Balki-isms in this episode.
Donít be ridiculous: Said once in this
Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"What is the matter with you?"
"Oh my Lord!"
"That is correct."
"Hi!" said simultaneously
Other running jokes used in this episode:
Mary Anne bends Balki backwards to kiss
Mary Anne hints to Balki about getting
married and Balki misses it completely
The Finleys are mentioned again
Larry has a plan
Larry and Balki talk over one another
They go through the "How many . . .
?" routine, including the "None, as in zero, as in never . . . "
Balki tries to warn Larry about something
but Larry wonít listen
Balki laughs at his own joke
- While the series rarely delved into
topical humor, this episode includes a very timely joke regarding the "S
& L gang," whom Balki refers to as a Myposian group called the
"Stealers and Liars." This is a direct reference to the Savings and
Loan scandal happening at the time, where numerous Savings and Loan companies
across America went out of business. One of the causes included deregulation of
the industry and the accusation that higher-ups had profited from the failed
institutions anyway. Some of these people eventually served jail time for their
- Larry is getting a lot of use out of the
bullhorn he had from the previous episode, Wild Turkey, which he planned
to use to announce the sale of his turkeys!
- When we see the car driving down the street there
is a restaurant called Le Foyer de France in the background. This seems to
have been located on Lindbrook Drive in Westwood, California (the neighborhood
around UCLA) so that's probably where this insert footage was shot.
Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- Apparently Balki and Larry did a lot
more paving and remodeling of the back yard since they built the gazebo.
Now a driveway
is right outside the back door! They must enjoy the lovely view of the parked
car from their gazebo!
- Speaking of the car, which is so pivotal
in this episode, itís not Larryís Mustang which we had seen last in the
possible that Larry traded in his Mustang for
a larger family car (and obviously Balki and Larry would have had a hard time
squeezing into the trunk of a Mustang). He at least stuck with Ford, since this model is an LTD.
- In the shot where the car is seen on the
street the driver and passenger look nothing like Jennifer and Mary Anne.
The episode begins one day at the house. Balki, Mary Anne and Jennifer are sitting at the table in the kitchen eating
breakfast. Larry enters, dressed for work, and says, "Good morning,
everybody." Balki jumps up from the table and says urgently, "Cousin!
Cousin! Cousin, you . . . you want some breakfast?" "Oh no, no
time," Larry answers. "No time?" Balki asks, reaching over with
his fork and spearing a piece of toast from Jenniferís plate, "Youíll
have plenty of time when youíre in the hospital for malnutrition!" Balki
sticks the toast in Larry face and orders, "Eat this." "Okay," Larry pushes the toast away, "Okay, save it for me."
"Okay," Balki smiles, and he carries the toast away. "All
right," Larry says, and he looks through some cassette tapes he is holding,
"Come on, we gotta get going. Weíre taking the long way to work."
"Larry, ever since you bought that new car stereo you always take
the long way to work," Mary Anne points out.
"Well, when youíve spent as much as
I have on a state-of-the-art vehicular sound system you want to get your moneyís
worth," Larry notes. "Larry, just exactly how much did that
state-of-the-art vehicular sound system cost?" Jennifer asks. Larry feigns
looking at his watch and says, "Whoa, Balki, look at the time! You know, if
weíre gonna hear the extended version of ĎBridge Over Troubled Waterí we
gotta get moving. Bye bye. Goodbye. Goodbye, sweetie."
Larry leans down to
get kisses from Jennifer then heads for the back door. "Come on,
Larry calls. "Okay, okay, Iím coming!" Balki calls, "Just a
second! I have to grab my lunch." Mary Anne gets up from the table and
positions herself by the counter, posing with her lips puckered in anticipation.
"I . . . I love lunch on Wednesdays," Balki says as he stops in front
of Mary Anne, "Peanut butter and jellyfish." Balki turns to see Mary
Anne waiting for a kiss. "Goodbye, my little lamb chop," Balki tells
her, and he kissed her gently on the nose.
Balki leans over to get a kiss on the
cheek in return, but Mary Anne grabs him and bends him backwards to kiss him on
the lips instead. She puts him back on his feet and he gasps, "Wwowww!"
"Thatís just an example of whatís in store for my future husband,"
Mary Anne hints. "Well, heís gonna be one lucky guy," Balki states.
Larry walks back into the house looking upset. "You are not gonna believe
this," he moans, "My new car radio has been stolen." Jennifer
gets up from the table and says, "I donít believe it! Thatís the second
time in the last two weeks." "Thatís terrible!" Mary Anne
cries. "I canít believe the ĎBeware of Dogí sign I put on the
windshield didnít scare them away," Balki observes. "Well, I am
taking action!" Larry announces, "A man has got to protect his
belongings. I am not gonna rest until the person responsible for this is behind
bars." "Maybe you should get a car alarm," Jennifer suggests.
"Why does he need a car alarm if he donít have a radio?" Balki asks.
Some time later it is night and we the
house is dark. We hear the sound of a car alarm going off. A light goes on in
the living room and Larry comes bolting down the stairs in his pajamas and robe.
He opens the closet at the foot of the stairs and pulls out a baseball bat then
barrels through the living room to the kitchen and out the back door. Mary Anne
and Jennifer sleepily come down the stairs. Mary Anne has pushed her sleep mask
up onto her head and Jennifer is wearing a nightshirt which reads, "Not
Tonight." "Did the alarm wake you up, too?" Mary Anne asks.
"Yes, it did," Jennifer answers, "Just like the last seventeen
times in the past two days." "Well, it didnít wake me up,"
Balki says as he comes down the stairs, holding a paint roller and dressed in
painterís overalls which are liberally smudged with all different colors of
paint, "Fortunately after the last time it went off I never went back to
sleep so I painted my room. If the alarm goes off one more time I should have
that guest bathroom done."
"I was thinking about painting my
room," Mary Anne says, "Do you have any suggestions?" Balki pulls
a paint chip sample guide out of his pocket and shows it to her, saying,
"Well, Iíve got, uh . . . pastels . . . earth tones . . . " Jennifer
walks into the kitchen to meet Larry as he comes in from the back yard with the
bat over his shoulder. "It was a false alarm," Larry reports.
course it was a false alarm," Jennifer says, "Itís always a false
alarm. You have that alarm set at such a sensitive level dew sets it off!
we need sleep. Maybe you could just turn off the alarm for the rest of the
night?" "Turn it off?" Larry cries, "Jennifer, that would
defeat the whole purpose. All right, I admit itís changed our routine a little
bit . . . " "A little bit?" Jennifer cries, "Larry, itís
three oíclock in the morning and youíre standing in the kitchen with a
baseball bat!" Balki and Mary Anne enter the kitchen. Balki is still
looking at the paint chips and asks, "How about Baby Bottom Pink?"
"Oh!" Mary Anne reacts.
"Jennifer, itís been two days and
no one has stolen my car radio," Larry points out, "You canít argue
with results." "And you canít argue with a hungry pig," Balki
adds. "Larry, we have to do something," Jennifer insists. Balki walks
over to Larry and says, "Cousin? Cousin, why donít we join the
neighborhood watch and take a bite out of crime?" "Oh sure, join the
neighborhood watch and tell everyone in the neighborhood our business?"
Larry scoffs, "Why donít we just put a sign on the car that says, ĎNew
car radio inside - Come and get ití?" "It sounds good the way you
say it but I donít think it would work in practice," Balki notes. "No,
Balki, the thief is someone in the neighborhood," Larry
speculates, "Someone who knows my schedule. Someone who knows when I come
and go. Someone who knows I bought a new car radio." Balki looks shocked
and gasps, "It must have been me! Itís the only thing that makes sense.
a thief and an amnesiac!" Balki covers his mouth in horror and turns away
from the others.
Larry looks at the girls, who watch this
with concern. Larry eyes the bat in his hand for a moment in contemplation, then
finally says, "Balki, it wasnít you." "Yes, it was," Balki
mumbles through his hand. "No, it wasnít you," Larry insists.
"Yes, it was." "Take my word for it, it wasnít you."
turns to Larry and asks, "Really?" "Yes," Larry answers.
"Oh Cousin, thank you for turning my life around," Balki says
gratefully. "I think it was that Mr. Finley," Larry says, "He
hates me. Once, just once, I went out to get the newspaper in my underwear . . .
the man called the police." "Iím going to bed," Jennifer
announces, "You can sleep down here so you can be close to your car
alarm." Jennifer leaves. "Um . . . actually, uh . . . I was the one
that called the police," Balki admits, "Um . . . the way the street
light made your skin slow I . . . I thought you were an alien." "You
know, Larry, I think youíre right about the Finleys," Mary Anne chimes
in, "Why do they make their little boy stand out in the yard all day in his
good suit?" "Thatís a lawn jockey," Larry explains.
"Oh," Mary Anne responds. The car alarm starts to go off again. Larry
slowly heads outside.
"There it goes again," he sighs,
"Maybe I do have it set at too sensitive a level. Iíll go reset it."
He walks outside, taking his time. "You know,
Iíll never understand why
people take something that isnít theirs," Balki says to Mary Anne. "Donít you have burglars on
Mypos?" Mary Anne asks.
"Well, uh .
. . we do have a tiny group of stealers and liars," Balki explains,
"They, uh . . . they go out and steal things and then lie about it. We call
them ĎThe Stealers and Liars.í Or for short, ĎThe S & L gang.í"
After a moment, Balki asks, "Want to come upstairs and watch me
spackle?" They leans towards each other and start to kiss when Larry storms
back into the kitchen and slams the door behind him, startling them. "It
wasnít a false alarm!" Larry cries, "My new car radio has been
stolen again! This means war!" Larry slams down the tip of the baseball bat
to emphasize his point, then reacts when itís revealed heís slammed it down
on his foot. He cries in pain and lifts his foot, balancing on Balki as Balki
and Mary Anne start to kiss again and the scene fades to black.
Act two begins one night some time later.
Larry and Balki are walking outside into the driveway outside the kitchen.
is carrying a flashlight and a bullhorn and hands Balki a length of rope. "All right, letís review the plan," Larry begins as they walk to the
car, "Now, we will get in trunk, leaving the lid slightly ajar, and wait
for the thief who we all know is that lowlife, Mr. Finley." "Cousin,
let it go," Balki urges, "Let it go." "All right, all
right," Larry agrees, "Now, when he opens the door thatís when we
spring into action. I will freeze him in his tracks with the bullhorn."
Larry lifts the bullhorn to his mouth and says, "All right, freeze! Youíre
under arrest!" He talks to Balki again, saying, "Then you jump out of
the trunk with the rope, tie him up, Iíll call the police. Any
questions?" "Yeah, can I be the one who hold the bullhorn?" Balki
asks, reaching for it. "No," Larry says, pulling it away. "Cousin, why not?" Balki asks.
"Because itís mine," Larry
"Cousin . . . Cousin, just let me
hold it," Balki asks. "Now, come on, weíll get into the trunk,"
Larry says, "Weíre gonna get in the trunk. Letís . . . letís get into
the trunk." "Just let me hold it for one second. Just let me put my
hand around it and push the button!" "Weíre getting into the
trunk," Larry says as he fishes his keys from his pocket and opens the
trunk. "I want to push the button," Balki says as he reaches over to
touch the bullhorn. "No, get away from me!" Larry complains, pulling
it away. They continue to argue until Larry finally says, "Get in the
trunk!" and he pushes Balki to go inside. Balki climbs into the trunk as
Larry stands outside and says into the bullhorn, "Gee, I hope no one steals
my brand new, very expensive car radio!" Balki pulls the bullhorn over and
adds, "Especially while weíre in the trunk!" "Will you shut
up?" Larry snarls, "What is the matter with you? Now, help me in.
me in. Here, take this." He hands Balki the flashlight and climbs into the
"Hold this," Larry says as he
absent-mindedly hands Balki the bullhorn. "Cousin, let me help you,"
Balki offers, "Let me help you." Balki turns on the bullhorn and
announces, "I am holding the bullhorn! I am . . . !" "Will you
stop it? Just stop it!" Larry scolds as he snatches the bullhorn back
again. They fight over it a moment before Larry announces through the bullhorn,
"Yes, sir, brand new car radio right here in this car. Iíll be seeing it
in the morning. ĎTil then Iíll be asleep in the house." Balki pulls the
bullhorn over again and adds, "Not in the trunk." "Would you shut
up?" Larry cries again, "What is the matter with you?" Balki
reaches up and pulls down the trunk lid so that it is resting closed but not
shut. Larry and Balki struggle to lay down and make themselves comfortable in
the cramped car trunk. Once settled, Balki says, "Cousin, correct me if Iím
wrong but I think this is the first time you and I have ever been in this trunk
at the same time."
"Balki, why d . . . why donít you
just relax and . . . be quiet?" Larry suggests. Balki sits up and looks
around, then picks up the flashlight and turns it on, putting it below his chin
to make his face light up in weird way as he makes a scary face at Larry. "You know,
Balki, I donít think you are taking this seriously
enough," Larry says impatiently, "In fact, I think you might have to
go back in the house." Balki drops the flashlight and protests, "No,
Cousin, come on . . . " "Yes, I think you might have to go back in the
house." "No! No, Cousin . . . " "You might have to go right
back in the house!" "Please! Please! Please! Please, please let me
stay in the trunk," Balki begs. "All right, but youíve been warned,
Mister!" Larry scolds. The sound of footsteps approach and they are
suddenly alert. "Cousin! Cousin!" Balki says, "I hear something.
It sounds like two people." "Youíre right," Larry agrees,
"Youíre right. Finley mustíve brought a friend. Okay, all right, this
is it! Get ready!" Balki reaches behind him and pulls the trunk lid down so
that it closes completely and locks.
Larry look confused and concerned. "Balki?"
"Hmm?" "Did you just do what I think you did?" Larry asks.
Balki looks embarrassed and answers, "That depends on what you think I just
did." "Did you just shut the trunk?"
Larry asks. "Well, of course I did. Donít be ridiculous," Balki
says, "These are criminals weíre dealing with. We donít want them to
know weíre in here." "Balki, you have locked us in the trunk!"
Larry cries. Balki is startled and cries, "Cousin, I just had the most
horrible thought! We have to get out of here before we run out of oxygen!
I . .
. I saw this once on ĎStar Trek.í It wasnít pretty. The Klingons had taken
control of the life-support system of the Enterprise and the crew were running
out of oxygen. And Captain Kirk said . . . " Balki breaks into a perfect
impersonation of William Shatner as Captain Kirk. " . . . ĎScotty . . .
youíve got to get us out of here.í And Scotty said . . . " Balki
switches to Scottyís Scottish accent. " . . . ĎCaptain, I canít give
you any more power. Weíre out of dilithium crystals. I need more time!í
then . . . and then Bones said . . . " Balki switches to Bonesí voice.
" . . . ĎDamn it, Jim, Iím a doctor not a machine!í"
"Balki, let me tell ya something,
okay?" Larry interrupts, "Nothing uses up oxygen faster than talking.
So why donít you shut up? We are not gonna run out of oxygen."
"Yeah, well . . . " Balki sighs. "The trunk is not air
tight," Larry continues, "Now we are just gonna sit here until they
steal the radio and leave and then weíre gonna call for help." They hear
the sound of the car doors on both sides opening and feel two people getting
into the front seats before the doors slam shut again. "All right, theyíre
in the car," Larry says. A second later the car engine starts and the car
begins to vibrate, much to Larry and Balkiís shock. "Oh my Lord!"
Larry gasps, "They are stealing the entire car!" "Well, at least
you wonít have that big, ugly hole in the dashboard," Balki offers.
brace themselves as the car backs out of the driveway with a bump and they
realize they are in for a ride.
Some time later, Larry and Balki are still
in the trunk, which is vibrating as the car rolls along. "All right, they
drove for about ten minutes, then they slowed down, then they stopped,"
Larry recalls, "I think they stopped at Bugsyís Burgers." "I
think youíre right, Cousin," Balki agrees, "That was definitely the
smell of Bugsyís french fries." "I think I have a pretty good idea
where we are," Larry says. "Well, so do I," Balki interjects,
"Weíre in the trunk." "I mean, I think I know where theyíve
taken us," Larry explains. The car suddenly lurches as it makes a right
turn. "There . . . yeah . . . yeah, see?" Larry continues, "That
turn would put us on the Old Mill Road. Sure. Out in the middle of
nowhere." We see the car driving down a city street. "Sure, I think
theyíre gonna strip the car and abandon it in the woods," Larry deduces.
The car makes another turn. "You know what, Cousin?" Balki asks,
"Itís bad enough they stole the car but they havenít used the turn
signal once. I guess crime poisons every part of you."
"Now, look, we gotta figure out a way
outta here," Larry says, "See if you can find the jack." "What?" Balki asks.
"The jack! The jack!" Larry repeats. "Cousin, uh . . . Iím pretty sure weíre the only two people that got in
the car. Iíll . . . Iíll look for him if you want me to." Balki looks
around and calls out, "Jack? Jack?" Larry puts his hand over Balkiís
mouth. "I mean, see if you can find the tool we use to prop up the car when
we change the tire," Larry explains, releasing Balkiís mouth. "Oh, I
got it," Balki says, and he pulls out the jack and gives it to Larry,
"Here you go. Do . . . do you want me to stop looking for the man?"
"Yes, yes," Larry replies impatiently, "All right, now, I think I
can use the jack to pop the lid of the trunk. Change places with me."
"No," Balki answers, not moving, "Iím not gonna change places
with you. I like my place right here. I got my . . . I got it all just the way I
want it." "Change places with me," Larry repeats. "No, Iím
not gonna change . . . " Balki begins, but Larry pushes Balkiís head down
and forces himself over Balki, growling, "Get out of the way!"
They struggle as they turn around so that
theyíre on the opposite sides of the trunk. "All right . . . ow . . .
okay . . . I got it," Larry mumbles as he sets the jack on top of the spare
tire and prepares to crank it up. "Hey, Cousin, you know what?" Balki
interrupts, "I donít think thatís such a hot idea." "Oh, you
donít think itís such a hot idea?" Larry scoffs. "No, I donít,"
Balki confirms. "Well, let me ask you something, Balki," Larry begins.
"Whatís that?" "How many trunks have you opened from the
inside?" Larry asks. "Oh, donít start it," Balki moans.
"How many?" Larry persists, "How many?" "Oh Cousin,
please! Please, I canít stand it!" Balki cries. "How many trunks
have you opened from the inside?" "None," Balki answers.
"None, as in zero, as in never, ever have you opened a trunk from the
inside?" "That is correct," Balki confirms with disgust.
"Thank you," Larry finishes, and he starts to turn the jackís
handle. Balki props himself up and asks, "Cousin, just curious . . . how
many . . . ?" "Four," Larry answers, holding up four fingers,
"Four." He counts the fingers off silently and then emphasizes the
"Cousin, you know what, I donít
think . . . " Balki tries to interrupt again. "Balki, please,"
Larry says, "I know what Iím doing." "Cousin . . . just . . .
let me just tell you something . . . " "I know what Iím doing. I
know what Iím doing." "Let me tell you something . . . I was just
gonna say . . . " Balki doesnít finish his sentence when the jack pokes a
hole through the trunk lid. " . . . that that little machine was going to
poke through the top of the trunk," Balki finishes. Larry starts to wind
down the jack and says, "All right. Thereís . . . thereís gotta be
something else in here that we can use to . . . to pop open the lid. Just look
around. See if you can find something." Balki reaches behind himself and
pulls forward a cardboard box. "Cousin, whatís in this box?" Balki
asks. "No! Donít open the box!" Larry cries. Balki opens the box and
something starts to inflate, spreading out to take up a portion of the trunk
with them. Itís an inflatable woman!
Balki is shocked, and says, "You . .
. you live with someone for five years and you think you know them." "Balki,"
Larry tries to interrupt. "Then you spend a night in a car trunk with
them," Balki continues. "Balki, this is not what you think,"
Larry insists. "Itís not an inflatable woman?" Balki asks.
"Well, yes it is," Larry admits. "Does the lady have a
name?" Balki asks. "I use this so I can drive in the car pool lane
when Iím driving alone," Larry explains. The car suddenly comes to a
stop. "Theyíve stopped!" Larry notes, "Oh yeah . . . weíre
out in the woods all right. Balki, if they find us . . . weíre dead men."
Balki feels a sneeze coming on and cries, "Cousin!" "Shhhh!"
Larry urges. "Cousin!" Balki repeats, then he sneezes right on the
face of the inflatable woman. "Iím so sorry," he says to her.
"Well, I hope you enjoyed that sneeze because it just cost us our
lives!" Larry scolds. They hear the people exiting the car and closing the
doors then walking back to the trunk.
"Oh no!" Larry gasps, "Oh
no, please! No, please, donít shoot! No! No! No!
All right . . . kill him but
spare me!" Larry and Balki cry and cower as the trunk lifts open to reveal
Jennifer and Mary Anne looking down at them. They are holding drinks from Bugsyís
Burgers and Jennifer has a bag of food as well. "Hi!" Balki and Larry
say simultaneously. "Well, you almost scared us to death!" Larry
scolds as he and Balki sit up in the trunk. The inflatable woman sits up between
them as well. "W . . . why were you driving like criminals?" Larry
continues, "Why were you driving in the woods?" "And why werenít
you using your turn signals?" Balki adds. "Why are you in the
trunk?" Mary Anne asks. "And whoís your plastic friend?"
Jennifer adds. After a moment, Larry and Balki both answer, "Sheís with
him," and point to each other. Larry turns the inflatable woman to face
Balki and then pushes her into him.
One evening a short time later, Balki and
Mary Anne are sitting on the couch watching television. Larry passes behind them
with a bowl of popcorn. "Cousin . . . settle an argument," Balki
requests, "Which Ninja Turtle is the most sensitive?" "Donatello,"
Larry answers. "Told ya," Mary Anne says smugly. Larry gives Balki and
Mary Anne the popcorn. The front door opens and Jennifer enters, carrying a
wrapped present. "Hi!" she says. "Hi," the others reply.
"Larry, this is for you," Jennifer says and she hands him the package.
"Ooh, well, whatís the special occasion?" Larry asks. "No
special occasion," Jennifer says, "Just a little something that says
ĎI love you.í" "Well, what could be that small and talk?"
Mary Anne wonders. "A hamster if heís properly trained," Balki
suggests and Mary Anne nods. Larry unwraps the present and then opens the box
and takes it out, saying, "Oh! Well, itís a pull-out car radio.
thank you, thatís great. Thank you." He kisses her sweetly.
"Actually, Cousin, all of your radios have been pull-out radios,"
Balki points out, "Itís just that the wrong people were pulling them
Balki slaps his knees and Mary Anne does
the same with and they both raise their arms in the air and laugh in the classic
"Where do I come up with them?" way. "Well, not any more,"
Larry says, "You know, Balki, you were right. I should have just joined the
neighborhood watch." "Well, funny you should mention that because I
took the liberty . . . I signed us all up," Balki announces. "Well,
this would be a good night to turn in early, Larry," Jennifer says,
"We wonít be bothered by that pesky car alarm." Jennifer opens her
coat to reveal a t-shirt which reads "Tonightís the Night." "Oh!
Oh! Oh!" Larry exclaims, "W . . . well . . . uh, uh . . .
another good idea." Larry lets Jennifer lead him to the staircase.
"Cousin, thereís only one thing wrong with that idea," Balki calls.
"Whatís that?" Larry asks. "Well, itís our first night on the
neighborhood watch and weíve been assigned to patrol," Balki explains,
then he reaches down to pull out the bullhorn from under a pillow, saying into
it, "and Iíve been assigned the bullhorn." But Balkiís voice isnít
amplified and Balki and Mary Anne look at it with confusion. Larry pulls
something out his pocket and says, "But Iíve been assigned the
batteries." On Larry and Jenniferís triumphant look the scene ends.
There are a quite a
few differences between the shooting script dated October 17, 1991 and the final
opening scene actually started a little bit before Larry comes in.
Jennifer and Mary Anne are at the table. Balki is making something at the
stove. He flips a piece of bread into the air. It doesn't come
down. Balki serves food onto plates and brings the plates to the
table. "Breakfast is served," Balki announces, "Myposian
toast. You heat it, you eat it, you can't beat it." "Balki,
before we eat it, what exactly is Myposian toast?" Jennifer asks.
"It's bread dipped in a batter of milk and eggs with just a hint of vanilla
and then fried to a golden brown. Sprinkle powdered sugar and cinnamon to
taste and you have Myposian toast," Balki explains. "That's
French toast," Mary Anne notes. "Sure, in France but on Mypos,
it's Myposian toast," Balki counters, "Bon appetite."
After Larry comes in and refuses a piece of toast, he says, "We're taking
the long way to work today. I've got forty-three minutes of the best of
Paul Simon to listen to." "Paul Simon," Balki chimes in,
"He's my favorite Senator. The bow ties alone get my vote."
After Mary Anne asks Balki if he has any suggestions for paint colors and Balki
shows her the sample book he says, "Well, I've got earth tones, pastels and
thirty-seven shades of white. You're a spring, aren't you?"
After Balki comments that you can't argue with a hungry pig, he adds,
"They're, well, pigheaded."
The part with Balki hiding his face in shame after thinking he stole Larry's
radio and Larry looking at the bat, plus Larry convincing Balki he's not the
thief is not in this script.
Before telling Larry that she's going to bed and he can sleep down there to be
close to his car alarm, Jennifer says, "Larry, you're crazy."
After Larry explain to Mary Anne that the "little boy" on the Finley's
lawn is a lawn jockey, Balki adds, "Be that as it may, Cousin, they could
still let him come inside at night. His arm must get tired."
was originally a scene in the kitchen before Larry and Balki went outside to get
into the trunk. Balki and Larry enter the kitchen and Larry says, "Balki,
tonight we're sending out a message loud and clear. When you mess with
Larry Appleton, you mess with trouble. Trouble is my middle
name." "I thought your middle name was Gunther," Balki
notes. "Keep it to yourself," Larry urges, "Jennifer thinks
it's Nick. Now, if my theory is correct, the burglar will strike
tonight." "Well, then you're in luck," Balki says, "If
the burglar is on strike tonight, he won't be stealing your radio."
Larry takes a flashlight out of a drawer and explains, "What I mean is,
according to my theory, the burglar will be stealing my radio tonight. You
see, the culprit has always struck within three days after some precipitation,
right?" "Well, it was hot, yesterday," Balki says, "I
know I was sweating." "Not perspiration," Larry corrects,
"Precipitation. Precipitation. It means rain. It rained
two nights ago." "Well, Cousin, I appreciate the weather report
but I don't see how this applies to your theory," Balki sighs.
"There's more," Larry continues, "The first theft occurred on a
Sunday, the second on a Tuesday, the third time was on a Saturday. Do you
see a pattern?" "Not as clearly as I'm sure you do," Balki
admits. "Sunday begins with 'S,' right?" Larry asks.
"Aha," Balki humors him. "Tuesday. 'T'
right?" "Aha." "Saturday. 'S'
right?" "Aha." "And what's today?"
"Aha." "It's Thursday," Larry points out,
"Another 'T.' 'S, T, S, T.' Do you see what I'm getting
at?" "Not quite yet, Cousin," Balki confesses, "Can I
buy a vowel?" "Never mind," Larry gives up, and here is
when they head outside to the back yard.
During Balki's Captain Kirk impersonation, he was also to say the line,
"Take the engines up to warp factor six."
Bugsy's Burgers is referred to as Happy Harry's in this script. After
Balki says he definitely smelled Harry's fries, he adds, "For their sake, I
hope they're not breaking your rule about eating in the car."
Balki agrees he knows where they are and says they're in the trunk, then Larry
says he means he knows where the car is, Balki says, "Well, that's not
hard, Cousin. If we're in the trunk, the car would be (POINTING) that
After we see the car driving down a main city street after Larry said they were
definitely in the woods, Balki asks, "Cousin, how can you tell?"
"It's a gift, Balki," Larry brags.
When Balki says he's found the jack, he says, "It's behind the spare
tire." "Good. Can you get it out?" Larry asks.
Balki pulls until he finally gets it free, accidentally hitting Larry in the
head with it. Larry strangles Balki, then stops. "Will you
watch what you're doing?" Larry complains. "I'm sorry,
Cousin," Balki offers. (It's probably best that this bit was
dropped. It's hard to imagine any safe way for Bronson to hit Mark in the
head with a metal jack!)
As Balki's telling Larry he doesn't want to change places and that he's
comfortable where he is, he adds, "I can rest my foot on the
tire." As they struggle to change places, Balki says,
"Uh-oh." "What is it?" Larry asks. "One of
us dropped this quarter," Balki says, "Now I think I had forty cents
when we got into the trunk. How about you, Cousin?" "Balki,
keep the quarter," Larry urges. "Thank you, Cousin," Balki
The rest of the script is the same.
on to the next episode . . .