Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 131 - Car Tunes

First Air Date: December 6, 1991
Filming Date: October 18, 1991
Nielsen Rating: 13.5 HH

TV Guide Description: After Larry has one car stereo after another stolen, he wages war on crime by arming his car with an alarm that keeps everyone awake at night.

Produced by: Alan Plotkin
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Tom Devanney
Directed by: Judy Pioli

Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne Spencer
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Appleton

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitriís picture can be seen on the fireplace mantel in the living room.

There are no Balki-isms in this episode.

Donít be ridiculous: Said once in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"What is the matter with you?"
"Oh my Lord!"
"That is correct."
"Hi!" said simultaneously

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Mary Anne bends Balki backwards to kiss him
Mary Anne hints to Balki about getting married and Balki misses it completely
The Finleys are mentioned again
Larry has a plan
Larry and Balki talk over one another
They go through the "How many . . . ?" routine, including the "None, as in zero, as in never . . . " bit
Balki tries to warn Larry about something but Larry wonít listen
Balki laughs at his own joke

Interesting facts:
While the series rarely delved into topical humor, this episode includes a very timely joke regarding the "S & L gang," whom Balki refers to as a Myposian group called the "Stealers and Liars."  This is a direct reference to the Savings and Loan scandal happening at the time, where numerous Savings and Loan companies across America went out of business.  One of the causes included deregulation of the industry and the accusation that higher-ups had profited from the failed institutions anyway.  Some of these people eventually served jail time for their crimes.
- Larry is getting a lot of use out of the bullhorn he had from the previous episode, Wild Turkey, which he planned to use to announce the sale of his turkeys!
- When we see the car driving down the street there is a restaurant called Le Foyer de France in the background.  This seems to have been located on Lindbrook Drive in Westwood, California (the neighborhood around UCLA) so that's probably where this insert footage was shot. 

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
Apparently Balki and Larry did a lot more paving and remodeling of the back yard since they built the gazebo.  Now a driveway is right outside the back door!  They must enjoy the lovely view of the parked car from their gazebo!
- Speaking of the car, which is so pivotal in this episode, itís not Larryís Mustang which we had seen last in the episode The Wedding.  Itís possible that Larry traded in his Mustang for a larger family car (and obviously Balki and Larry would have had a hard time squeezing into the trunk of a Mustang).  He at least stuck with Ford, since this model is an LTD.
- In the shot where the car is seen on the street the driver and passenger look nothing like Jennifer and Mary Anne.

The episode begins one day at the house.  Balki, Mary Anne and Jennifer are sitting at the table in the kitchen eating breakfast.  Larry enters, dressed for work, and says, "Good morning, everybody."  Balki jumps up from the table and says urgently, "Cousin!  Cousin!  Cousin, you . . . you want some breakfast?"  "Oh no, no time," Larry answers.  "No time?" Balki asks, reaching over with his fork and spearing a piece of toast from Jenniferís plate, "Youíll have plenty of time when youíre in the hospital for malnutrition!"  Balki sticks the toast in Larry face and orders, "Eat this."  "Okay," Larry pushes the toast away, "Okay, save it for me."  "Okay," Balki smiles, and he carries the toast away.  "All right," Larry says, and he looks through some cassette tapes he is holding, "Come on, we gotta get going.  Weíre taking the long way to work."  "Larry, ever since you bought that new car stereo you always take the long way to work," Mary Anne points out.

"Well, when youíve spent as much as I have on a state-of-the-art vehicular sound system you want to get your moneyís worth," Larry notes.  "Larry, just exactly how much did that state-of-the-art vehicular sound system cost?" Jennifer asks.  Larry feigns looking at his watch and says, "Whoa, Balki, look at the time!  You know, if weíre gonna hear the extended version of ĎBridge Over Troubled Waterí we gotta get moving.  Bye bye.  Goodbye.  Goodbye, sweetie."  Larry leans down to get kisses from Jennifer then heads for the back door.  "Come on, Balki!" Larry calls.  "Okay, okay, Iím coming!" Balki calls, "Just a second!  I have to grab my lunch."  Mary Anne gets up from the table and positions herself by the counter, posing with her lips puckered in anticipation.  "I . . . I love lunch on Wednesdays," Balki says as he stops in front of Mary Anne, "Peanut butter and jellyfish."  Balki turns to see Mary Anne waiting for a kiss.  "Goodbye, my little lamb chop," Balki tells her, and he kissed her gently on the nose.

Balki leans over to get a kiss on the cheek in return, but Mary Anne grabs him and bends him backwards to kiss him on the lips instead.  She puts him back on his feet and he gasps, "Wwowww!"  "Thatís just an example of whatís in store for my future husband," Mary Anne hints.  "Well, heís gonna be one lucky guy," Balki states.  Larry walks back into the house looking upset.  "You are not gonna believe this," he moans, "My new car radio has been stolen."  Jennifer gets up from the table and says, "I donít believe it!  Thatís the second time in the last two weeks."  "Thatís terrible!" Mary Anne cries.  "I canít believe the ĎBeware of Dogí sign I put on the windshield didnít scare them away," Balki observes.  "Well, I am taking action!" Larry announces, "A man has got to protect his belongings.  I am not gonna rest until the person responsible for this is behind bars."  "Maybe you should get a car alarm," Jennifer suggests.  "Why does he need a car alarm if he donít have a radio?" Balki asks.

Some time later it is night and we the house is dark.  We hear the sound of a car alarm going off.  A light goes on in the living room and Larry comes bolting down the stairs in his pajamas and robe.  He opens the closet at the foot of the stairs and pulls out a baseball bat then barrels through the living room to the kitchen and out the back door.  Mary Anne and Jennifer sleepily come down the stairs.  Mary Anne has pushed her sleep mask up onto her head and Jennifer is wearing a nightshirt which reads, "Not Tonight."  "Did the alarm wake you up, too?" Mary Anne asks.  "Yes, it did," Jennifer answers, "Just like the last seventeen times in the past two days."  "Well, it didnít wake me up," Balki says as he comes down the stairs, holding a paint roller and dressed in painterís overalls which are liberally smudged with all different colors of paint, "Fortunately after the last time it went off I never went back to sleep so I painted my room.  If the alarm goes off one more time I should have that guest bathroom done."

"I was thinking about painting my room," Mary Anne says, "Do you have any suggestions?"  Balki pulls a paint chip sample guide out of his pocket and shows it to her, saying, "Well, Iíve got, uh . . . pastels . . . earth tones . . . "  Jennifer walks into the kitchen to meet Larry as he comes in from the back yard with the bat over his shoulder.  "It was a false alarm," Larry reports.  "Of course it was a false alarm," Jennifer says, "Itís always a false alarm.  You have that alarm set at such a sensitive level dew sets it off!  Larry, we need sleep.  Maybe you could just turn off the alarm for the rest of the night?"  "Turn it off?" Larry cries, "Jennifer, that would defeat the whole purpose.  All right, I admit itís changed our routine a little bit . . . "  "A little bit?" Jennifer cries, "Larry, itís three oíclock in the morning and youíre standing in the kitchen with a baseball bat!"  Balki and Mary Anne enter the kitchen.  Balki is still looking at the paint chips and asks, "How about Baby Bottom Pink?"  "Oh!" Mary Anne reacts.

"Jennifer, itís been two days and no one has stolen my car radio," Larry points out, "You canít argue with results."  "And you canít argue with a hungry pig," Balki adds.  "Larry, we have to do something," Jennifer insists.  Balki walks over to Larry and says, "Cousin?  Cousin, why donít we join the neighborhood watch and take a bite out of crime?"  "Oh sure, join the neighborhood watch and tell everyone in the neighborhood our business?" Larry scoffs, "Why donít we just put a sign on the car that says, ĎNew car radio inside - Come and get ití?"  "It sounds good the way you say it but I donít think it would work in practice," Balki notes.  "No, Balki, the thief is someone in the neighborhood," Larry speculates, "Someone who knows my schedule.  Someone who knows when I come and go.  Someone who knows I bought a new car radio."  Balki looks shocked and gasps, "It must have been me!  Itís the only thing that makes sense.  Iím a thief and an amnesiac!"  Balki covers his mouth in horror and turns away from the others.

Larry looks at the girls, who watch this with concern.  Larry eyes the bat in his hand for a moment in contemplation, then finally says, "Balki, it wasnít you."  "Yes, it was," Balki mumbles through his hand.  "No, it wasnít you," Larry insists.  "Yes, it was."  "Take my word for it, it wasnít you."  Balki turns to Larry and asks, "Really?"  "Yes," Larry answers.  "Oh Cousin, thank you for turning my life around," Balki says gratefully.  "I think it was that Mr. Finley," Larry says, "He hates me.  Once, just once, I went out to get the newspaper in my underwear . . . the man called the police."  "Iím going to bed," Jennifer announces, "You can sleep down here so you can be close to your car alarm."  Jennifer leaves.  "Um . . . actually, uh . . . I was the one that called the police," Balki admits, "Um . . . the way the street light made your skin slow I . . . I thought you were an alien."  "You know, Larry, I think youíre right about the Finleys," Mary Anne chimes in, "Why do they make their little boy stand out in the yard all day in his good suit?"  "Thatís a lawn jockey," Larry explains.  "Oh," Mary Anne responds.  The car alarm starts to go off again. Larry slowly heads outside.

"There it goes again," he sighs, "Maybe I do have it set at too sensitive a level.  Iíll go reset it."  He walks outside, taking his time.  "You know, Iíll never understand why people take something that isnít theirs," Balki says to Mary Anne.  "Donít you have burglars on Mypos?" Mary Anne asks.  "Well, uh . . . we do have a tiny group of stealers and liars," Balki explains, "They, uh . . . they go out and steal things and then lie about it.  We call them ĎThe Stealers and Liars.í  Or for short, ĎThe S & L gang.í"  After a moment, Balki asks, "Want to come upstairs and watch me spackle?"  They leans towards each other and start to kiss when Larry storms back into the kitchen and slams the door behind him, startling them.  "It wasnít a false alarm!" Larry cries, "My new car radio has been stolen again!  This means war!"  Larry slams down the tip of the baseball bat to emphasize his point, then reacts when itís revealed heís slammed it down on his foot.  He cries in pain and lifts his foot, balancing on Balki as Balki and Mary Anne start to kiss again and the scene fades to black.

Act two begins one night some time later.  Larry and Balki are walking outside into the driveway outside the kitchen.  Larry is carrying a flashlight and a bullhorn and hands Balki a length of rope.  "All right, letís review the plan," Larry begins as they walk to the car, "Now, we will get in trunk, leaving the lid slightly ajar, and wait for the thief who we all know is that lowlife, Mr. Finley."  "Cousin, let it go," Balki urges, "Let it go."  "All right, all right," Larry agrees, "Now, when he opens the door thatís when we spring into action.  I will freeze him in his tracks with the bullhorn."  Larry lifts the bullhorn to his mouth and says, "All right, freeze!  Youíre under arrest!"  He talks to Balki again, saying, "Then you jump out of the trunk with the rope, tie him up, Iíll call the police.  Any questions?"  "Yeah, can I be the one who hold the bullhorn?" Balki asks, reaching for it.  "No," Larry says, pulling it away.  "Cousin, why not?" Balki asks.  "Because itís mine," Larry answers.

"Cousin . . . Cousin, just let me hold it," Balki asks.  "Now, come on, weíll get into the trunk," Larry says, "Weíre gonna get in the trunk.  Letís . . . letís get into the trunk."  "Just let me hold it for one second.  Just let me put my hand around it and push the button!"  "Weíre getting into the trunk," Larry says as he fishes his keys from his pocket and opens the trunk.  "I want to push the button," Balki says as he reaches over to touch the bullhorn.  "No, get away from me!" Larry complains, pulling it away.  They continue to argue until Larry finally says, "Get in the trunk!" and he pushes Balki to go inside.  Balki climbs into the trunk as Larry stands outside and says into the bullhorn, "Gee, I hope no one steals my brand new, very expensive car radio!"  Balki pulls the bullhorn over and adds, "Especially while weíre in the trunk!"  "Will you shut up?" Larry snarls, "What is the matter with you?  Now, help me in.  Help me in.  Here, take this."  He hands Balki the flashlight and climbs into the trunk.

"Hold this," Larry says as he absent-mindedly hands Balki the bullhorn.  "Cousin, let me help you," Balki offers, "Let me help you."  Balki turns on the bullhorn and announces, "I am holding the bullhorn!  I am . . . !"  "Will you stop it?  Just stop it!" Larry scolds as he snatches the bullhorn back again.  They fight over it a moment before Larry announces through the bullhorn, "Yes, sir, brand new car radio right here in this car.  Iíll be seeing it in the morning.  ĎTil then Iíll be asleep in the house."  Balki pulls the bullhorn over again and adds, "Not in the trunk."  "Would you shut up?" Larry cries again, "What is the matter with you?"  Balki reaches up and pulls down the trunk lid so that it is resting closed but not shut.  Larry and Balki struggle to lay down and make themselves comfortable in the cramped car trunk.  Once settled, Balki says, "Cousin, correct me if Iím wrong but I think this is the first time you and I have ever been in this trunk at the same time."

"Balki, why d . . . why donít you just relax and . . . be quiet?" Larry suggests.  Balki sits up and looks around, then picks up the flashlight and turns it on, putting it below his chin to make his face light up in weird way as he makes a scary face at Larry.  "You know, Balki, I donít think you are taking this seriously enough," Larry says impatiently, "In fact, I think you might have to go back in the house."  Balki drops the flashlight and protests, "No, Cousin, come on . . . "  "Yes, I think you might have to go back in the house."  "No!  No, Cousin . . . "  "You might have to go right back in the house!"  "Please!  Please!  Please!  Please, please let me stay in the trunk," Balki begs.  "All right, but youíve been warned, Mister!" Larry scolds.  The sound of footsteps approach and they are suddenly alert.  "Cousin!  Cousin!" Balki says, "I hear something.  It sounds like two people."  "Youíre right," Larry agrees, "Youíre right.  Finley mustíve brought a friend.  Okay, all right, this is it!  Get ready!"  Balki reaches behind him and pulls the trunk lid down so that it closes completely and locks.

Larry look confused and concerned.  "Balki?"  "Hmm?"  "Did you just do what I think you did?" Larry asks.  Balki looks embarrassed and answers, "That depends on what you think I just did."  "Did you just shut the trunk?" Larry asks.  "Well, of course I did.  Donít be ridiculous," Balki says, "These are criminals weíre dealing with.  We donít want them to know weíre in here."  "Balki, you have locked us in the trunk!" Larry cries.  Balki is startled and cries, "Cousin, I just had the most horrible thought!  We have to get out of here before we run out of oxygen!  I . . . I saw this once on ĎStar Trek.í  It wasnít pretty.  The Klingons had taken control of the life-support system of the Enterprise and the crew were running out of oxygen.  And Captain Kirk said . . . "  Balki breaks into a perfect impersonation of William Shatner as Captain Kirk.  " . . . ĎScotty . . . youíve got to get us out of here.í  And Scotty said . . . "  Balki switches to Scottyís Scottish accent.  " . . . ĎCaptain, I canít give you any more power.  Weíre out of dilithium crystals.  I need more time!í  And then . . . and then Bones said . . . "  Balki switches to Bonesí voice.  " . . . ĎDamn it, Jim, Iím a doctor not a machine!í"

"Balki, let me tell ya something, okay?" Larry interrupts, "Nothing uses up oxygen faster than talking.  So why donít you shut up?  We are not gonna run out of oxygen."  "Yeah, well . . . " Balki sighs.  "The trunk is not air tight," Larry continues, "Now we are just gonna sit here until they steal the radio and leave and then weíre gonna call for help."  They hear the sound of the car doors on both sides opening and feel two people getting into the front seats before the doors slam shut again.  "All right, theyíre in the car," Larry says.  A second later the car engine starts and the car begins to vibrate, much to Larry and Balkiís shock.  "Oh my Lord!" Larry gasps, "They are stealing the entire car!"  "Well, at least you wonít have that big, ugly hole in the dashboard," Balki offers.  They brace themselves as the car backs out of the driveway with a bump and they realize they are in for a ride.

Some time later, Larry and Balki are still in the trunk, which is vibrating as the car rolls along.  "All right, they drove for about ten minutes, then they slowed down, then they stopped," Larry recalls, "I think they stopped at Bugsyís Burgers."  "I think youíre right, Cousin," Balki agrees, "That was definitely the smell of Bugsyís french fries."  "I think I have a pretty good idea where we are," Larry says.  "Well, so do I," Balki interjects, "Weíre in the trunk."  "I mean, I think I know where theyíve taken us," Larry explains.  The car suddenly lurches as it makes a right turn.  "There . . . yeah . . . yeah, see?" Larry continues, "That turn would put us on the Old Mill Road.  Sure.  Out in the middle of nowhere."  We see the car driving down a city street.  "Sure, I think theyíre gonna strip the car and abandon it in the woods," Larry deduces.  The car makes another turn.  "You know what, Cousin?" Balki asks, "Itís bad enough they stole the car but they havenít used the turn signal once.  I guess crime poisons every part of you."

"Now, look, we gotta figure out a way outta here," Larry says, "See if you can find the jack."  "What?" Balki asks.  "The jack!  The jack!" Larry repeats.  "Cousin, uh . . . Iím pretty sure weíre the only two people that got in the car.  Iíll . . . Iíll look for him if you want me to."  Balki looks around and calls out, "Jack?  Jack?"  Larry puts his hand over Balkiís mouth.  "I mean, see if you can find the tool we use to prop up the car when we change the tire," Larry explains, releasing Balkiís mouth.  "Oh, I got it," Balki says, and he pulls out the jack and gives it to Larry, "Here you go.  Do . . . do you want me to stop looking for the man?"  "Yes, yes," Larry replies impatiently, "All right, now, I think I can use the jack to pop the lid of the trunk.  Change places with me."  "No," Balki answers, not moving, "Iím not gonna change places with you.  I like my place right here.  I got my . . . I got it all just the way I want it."  "Change places with me," Larry repeats.  "No, Iím not gonna change . . . " Balki begins, but Larry pushes Balkiís head down and forces himself over Balki, growling, "Get out of the way!"

They struggle as they turn around so that theyíre on the opposite sides of the trunk.  "All right . . . ow . . . okay . . . I got it," Larry mumbles as he sets the jack on top of the spare tire and prepares to crank it up.  "Hey, Cousin, you know what?" Balki interrupts, "I donít think thatís such a hot idea."  "Oh, you donít think itís such a hot idea?" Larry scoffs.  "No, I donít," Balki confirms.  "Well, let me ask you something, Balki," Larry begins.  "Whatís that?"  "How many trunks have you opened from the inside?" Larry asks.  "Oh, donít start it," Balki moans.  "How many?" Larry persists, "How many?"  "Oh Cousin, please!  Please, I canít stand it!" Balki cries.  "How many trunks have you opened from the inside?"  "None," Balki answers.  "None, as in zero, as in never, ever have you opened a trunk from the inside?"  "That is correct," Balki confirms with disgust.  "Thank you," Larry finishes, and he starts to turn the jackís handle.  Balki props himself up and asks, "Cousin, just curious . . . how many . . . ?"  "Four," Larry answers, holding up four fingers, "Four."  He counts the fingers off silently and then emphasizes the "four."

"Cousin, you know what, I donít think . . . " Balki tries to interrupt again.  "Balki, please," Larry says, "I know what Iím doing."  "Cousin . . . just . . . let me just tell you something . . . "  "I know what Iím doing. I know what Iím doing."  "Let me tell you something . . . I was just gonna say . . . "  Balki doesnít finish his sentence when the jack pokes a hole through the trunk lid.  " . . . that that little machine was going to poke through the top of the trunk," Balki finishes.  Larry starts to wind down the jack and says, "All right.  Thereís . . . thereís gotta be something else in here that we can use to . . . to pop open the lid.  Just look around.  See if you can find something."  Balki reaches behind himself and pulls forward a cardboard box.  "Cousin, whatís in this box?" Balki asks.  "No!  Donít open the box!" Larry cries.  Balki opens the box and something starts to inflate, spreading out to take up a portion of the trunk with them.  Itís an inflatable woman!

Balki is shocked, and says, "You . . . you live with someone for five years and you think you know them."  "Balki," Larry tries to interrupt.  "Then you spend a night in a car trunk with them," Balki continues.  "Balki, this is not what you think," Larry insists.  "Itís not an inflatable woman?" Balki asks.  "Well, yes it is," Larry admits.  "Does the lady have a name?" Balki asks.  "I use this so I can drive in the car pool lane when Iím driving alone," Larry explains.  The car suddenly comes to a stop.  "Theyíve stopped!" Larry notes, "Oh yeah . . . weíre out in the woods all right.  Balki, if they find us . . . weíre dead men."  Balki feels a sneeze coming on and cries, "Cousin!"  "Shhhh!" Larry urges.  "Cousin!" Balki repeats, then he sneezes right on the face of the inflatable woman.  "Iím so sorry," he says to her.  "Well, I hope you enjoyed that sneeze because it just cost us our lives!" Larry scolds.  They hear the people exiting the car and closing the doors then walking back to the trunk.

"Oh no!" Larry gasps, "Oh no, please!  No, please, donít shoot!  No!  No!  No!  All right . . . kill him but spare me!"  Larry and Balki cry and cower as the trunk lifts open to reveal Jennifer and Mary Anne looking down at them.  They are holding drinks from Bugsyís Burgers and Jennifer has a bag of food as well.  "Hi!" Balki and Larry say simultaneously.  "Well, you almost scared us to death!" Larry scolds as he and Balki sit up in the trunk.  The inflatable woman sits up between them as well.  "W . . . why were you driving like criminals?" Larry continues, "Why were you driving in the woods?"  "And why werenít you using your turn signals?" Balki adds.  "Why are you in the trunk?" Mary Anne asks.  "And whoís your plastic friend?" Jennifer adds.  After a moment, Larry and Balki both answer, "Sheís with him," and point to each other.  Larry turns the inflatable woman to face Balki and then pushes her into him.

One evening a short time later, Balki and Mary Anne are sitting on the couch watching television.  Larry passes behind them with a bowl of popcorn.  "Cousin . . . settle an argument," Balki requests, "Which Ninja Turtle is the most sensitive?"  "Donatello," Larry answers.  "Told ya," Mary Anne says smugly.  Larry gives Balki and Mary Anne the popcorn.  The front door opens and Jennifer enters, carrying a wrapped present.  "Hi!" she says.  "Hi," the others reply.  "Larry, this is for you," Jennifer says and she hands him the package.  "Ooh, well, whatís the special occasion?" Larry asks.  "No special occasion," Jennifer says, "Just a little something that says ĎI love you.í"  "Well, what could be that small and talk?" Mary Anne wonders.  "A hamster if heís properly trained," Balki suggests and Mary Anne nods.  Larry unwraps the present and then opens the box and takes it out, saying, "Oh!  Well, itís a pull-out car radio.  Oh well, thank you, thatís great.  Thank you."  He kisses her sweetly.  "Actually, Cousin, all of your radios have been pull-out radios," Balki points out, "Itís just that the wrong people were pulling them out."

Balki slaps his knees and Mary Anne does the same with and they both raise their arms in the air and laugh in the classic "Where do I come up with them?" way.  "Well, not any more," Larry says, "You know, Balki, you were right.  I should have just joined the neighborhood watch."  "Well, funny you should mention that because I took the liberty . . . I signed us all up," Balki announces.  "Well, this would be a good night to turn in early, Larry," Jennifer says, "We wonít be bothered by that pesky car alarm."  Jennifer opens her coat to reveal a t-shirt which reads "Tonightís the Night."  "Oh!  Oh!  Oh!" Larry exclaims, "W . . . well . . . uh, uh . . . another good idea."  Larry lets Jennifer lead him to the staircase.  "Cousin, thereís only one thing wrong with that idea," Balki calls.  "Whatís that?" Larry asks.  "Well, itís our first night on the neighborhood watch and weíve been assigned to patrol," Balki explains, then he reaches down to pull out the bullhorn from under a pillow, saying into it, "and Iíve been assigned the bullhorn."  But Balkiís voice isnít amplified and Balki and Mary Anne look at it with confusion.  Larry pulls something out his pocket and says, "But Iíve been assigned the batteries."  On Larry and Jenniferís triumphant look the scene ends.

Script Variations:
There are a quite a few differences between the shooting script dated October 17, 1991 and the final episode:
The opening scene actually started a little bit before Larry comes in.  Jennifer and Mary Anne are at the table.  Balki is making something at the stove.  He flips a piece of bread into the air.  It doesn't come down.  Balki serves food onto plates and brings the plates to the table.  "Breakfast is served," Balki announces, "Myposian toast.  You heat it, you eat it, you can't beat it."  "Balki, before we eat it, what exactly is Myposian toast?" Jennifer asks.  "It's bread dipped in a batter of milk and eggs with just a hint of vanilla and then fried to a golden brown.  Sprinkle powdered sugar and cinnamon to taste and you have Myposian toast," Balki explains.  "That's French toast," Mary Anne notes.  "Sure, in France but on Mypos, it's Myposian toast," Balki counters, "Bon appetite."
- After Larry comes in and refuses a piece of toast, he says, "We're taking the long way to work today.  I've got forty-three minutes of the best of Paul Simon to listen to."  "Paul Simon," Balki chimes in, "He's my favorite Senator.  The bow ties alone get my vote."
- After Mary Anne asks Balki if he has any suggestions for paint colors and Balki shows her the sample book he says, "Well, I've got earth tones, pastels and thirty-seven shades of white.  You're a spring, aren't you?"
- After Balki comments that you can't argue with a hungry pig, he adds, "They're, well, pigheaded."
- The part with Balki hiding his face in shame after thinking he stole Larry's radio and Larry looking at the bat, plus Larry convincing Balki he's not the thief is not in this script.
- Before telling Larry that she's going to bed and he can sleep down there to be close to his car alarm, Jennifer says, "Larry, you're crazy."
- After Larry explain to Mary Anne that the "little boy" on the Finley's lawn is a lawn jockey, Balki adds, "Be that as it may, Cousin, they could still let him come inside at night.  His arm must get tired."
- There was originally a scene in the kitchen before Larry and Balki went outside to get into the trunk.  Balki and Larry enter the kitchen and Larry says, "Balki, tonight we're sending out a message loud and clear.  When you mess with Larry Appleton, you mess with trouble.  Trouble is my middle name."  "I thought your middle name was Gunther," Balki notes.  "Keep it to yourself," Larry urges, "Jennifer thinks it's Nick.  Now, if my theory is correct, the burglar will strike tonight."  "Well, then you're in luck," Balki says, "If the burglar is on strike tonight, he won't be stealing your radio."  Larry takes a flashlight out of a drawer and explains, "What I mean is, according to my theory, the burglar will be stealing my radio tonight.  You see, the culprit has always struck within three days after some precipitation, right?"  "Well, it was hot, yesterday," Balki says, "I know I was sweating."  "Not perspiration," Larry corrects, "Precipitation.  Precipitation.  It means rain.  It rained two nights ago."  "Well, Cousin, I appreciate the weather report but I don't see how this applies to your theory," Balki sighs.  "There's more," Larry continues, "The first theft occurred on a Sunday, the second on a Tuesday, the third time was on a Saturday.  Do you see a pattern?"  "Not as clearly as I'm sure you do," Balki admits.  "Sunday begins with 'S,' right?" Larry asks.  "Aha," Balki humors him.  "Tuesday.  'T' right?"  "Aha."  "Saturday.  'S' right?"  "Aha."  "And what's today?"  "Aha."  "It's Thursday," Larry points out, "Another 'T.'  'S, T, S, T.'  Do you see what I'm getting at?"  "Not quite yet, Cousin," Balki confesses, "Can I buy a vowel?"  "Never mind," Larry gives up, and here is when they head outside to the back yard.
- During Balki's Captain Kirk impersonation, he was also to say the line, "Take the engines up to warp factor six."
- Bugsy's Burgers is referred to as Happy Harry's in this script.  After Balki says he definitely smelled Harry's fries, he adds, "For their sake, I hope they're not breaking your rule about eating in the car."
- After Balki agrees he knows where they are and says they're in the trunk, then Larry says he means he knows where the car is, Balki says, "Well, that's not hard, Cousin.  If we're in the trunk, the car would be (POINTING) that way."
- After we see the car driving down a main city street after Larry said they were definitely in the woods, Balki asks, "Cousin, how can you tell?"  "It's a gift, Balki," Larry brags.
- When Balki says he's found the jack, he says, "It's behind the spare tire."  "Good.  Can you get it out?" Larry asks.  Balki pulls until he finally gets it free, accidentally hitting Larry in the head with it.  Larry strangles Balki, then stops.  "Will you watch what you're doing?" Larry complains.  "I'm sorry, Cousin," Balki offers.  (It's probably best that this bit was dropped.  It's hard to imagine any safe way for Bronson to hit Mark in the head with a metal jack!)
- As Balki's telling Larry he doesn't want to change places and that he's comfortable where he is, he adds, "I can rest my foot on the tire."  As they struggle to change places, Balki says, "Uh-oh."  "What is it?" Larry asks.  "One of us dropped this quarter," Balki says, "Now I think I had forty cents when we got into the trunk.  How about you, Cousin?"  "Balki, keep the quarter," Larry urges.  "Thank you, Cousin," Balki says.
- The rest of the script is the same.

Continue on to the next episode . . .