Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 133 - Two Angry Men

First Air Date: January 3, 1992
Filming Date: November 8, 1991
Nielsen Rating: 12.5 HH

Produced by: Alan Plotkin
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Thomas R. Nance
Directed by: Judy Pioli

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Appleton

Guest Cast:
Michael McManus: The Angry Juror (Pete, according to the script)
Ken Thorley: The Bailiff
S. Marc Jordan: The Judge

twoangrymengrab02.jpg (42044 bytes)Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri’s picture can be seen on the fireplace mantel in the living room.

Balki-isms:
"Well, Cousin, then you’ll be thrilled to know that you’re going to be helping me hold it up!"
" . . . and I want you to know that all of the evidence was circumcisional."
"I’m not going to be some scum bug, pig breath robber whose name wasn’t even Bob."

Don’t be ridiculous: Not said in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Go on with you!"
"Wwowwww!"
"Are you outta your mind?"
"Balki, this is America!"
"Cut the babasticki!"

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Larry and Balki talk over one another
Larry and Balki get into a contradictory argument, this time consisting of "No, you wouldn’t" and "Yes, I would."
Larry’s intense way of saying
"the facts."
Balki makes knowing gestures to Larry as they used to, but he means it as something innocent

Interesting facts:
twoangrymengrab26.jpg (49935 bytes)-
The week this episode aired, Perfect Strangers was moved to 9:30 p.m. on Fridays.  It stayed at this time for several weeks before the show was moved to Saturday night.  Bronson and Mark recorded their very last TGIF spots to run the week before, announcing the move.  You can now view these spots on our YouTube Channel.
- The name of this episode, and indeed the plot, was inspired by the classic okay and film Twelve Angry Men about a man on a jury who held out against the other eleven male jurors to reach a fair verdict.
- Jennifer must have gotten over her fear of going on vacations with Larry, because she only talks enthusiastically about their plans for going to Bermuda.  Perhaps this is because she made the arrangements for the trip herself instead of leaving them to Larry!
- S. Marc Jordan, who had a very brief appearance playing the judge, is a veteran of the business, having appeared in burlesque, Grand Opera and on his own radio show, all before he turned 16 years old!  On stage he has appeared across the country and on Broadway, but television fans might remember him from turns in the series Hill Street Blues, Scarecrow and Mrs. King, The A-Team, Days of Our Lives, Hunter, Mr. Belvedere, Designing Women, Mama’s Family, Night Court, Doogie Howser, M.D., Homefront, Empty Nest, Seinfeld, Sisters, Babylon 5, Caroline in the City and Providence.  He has also done voice work for various animated and commercial projects.  You can read a biography for him at the Musical Theater Guild website.
- Balki wears his Myposian tuxedo to court while serving on jury duty, showing just how seriously he takes this civic duty.
- There are several photos of the Chronicle building and other Chicago architecture in black and white around the living room.  For instance, the main entrance is shown in one photo on the fireplace mantel.  One wonders if Larry at least still dabbles in photography!
- Actor Michael McManus, who played the angry juror in this episode, is likely familiar to many of you.  He appeared in many television series over the years, including Baretta, Rhoda, Laverne & Shirley, The Six Million Dollar Man, Family, Dallas, Happy Days, Remington Steele, Knight Rider, Mr. Belvedere, Growing Pains, Newhart, Full House, Dear John, Webster, The Golden Girls, Married with Children, Night Court, Saved By the Bell, Coach, Doogie Howser, M.D. and Step by Step.  He also had a recurring role in the series Baywatch as Sid Wilson and as the ex-assassin Kai in the series Lexx.  McManus also appeared in the George Burn’s Comedy Week episode The Couch which co-starred Bronson Pinchot as well as the horror film Poltergeist.
- Ken Thorley, who played the bailiff, is probably best known among TV fans for his role as Mr. Mott in the series Star Trek: The Next Generation.  He has also appeared on Married with Children, Baywatch, Life Goes On, Murphy Brown, NYPD Blue, Saved By the Bell: The New Class, Seinfeld, Grace Under Fire, Lois & Clark, Melrose Place, 3rd Rock from the Sun, Becker, The West Wing, The District and Curb Your Enthusiasm.  He also appeared in the hit film Men in Black.


Synopsis:
The episode begins one day at the house.  Larry is sitting on the couch in the living room reading the newspaper.  Balki rushes in the front door, excited.  "Cousin!  Cousin, big news!"  Balki crosses and sits on the couch next to Larry.  "I’ve just been given my first official duty as an American citizen.  I’m going to be serving on the jury!"  "Well, isn’t that nice?" Larry smiles.  "I’m so excited!" Balki says.  "Well, Balki, you should be excited," Larry agrees, "Jury duty is one of the most important things an American citizen can do.  And it’s vital that, uh, every citizen do their share in upholding the judicial system."  "Well, Cousin, then you’ll be thrilled to know that you’re going to be helping me hold it up!" Balki says happily, and he drops an envelope into Larry’s lap then slaps the couch excitedly.  Larry opens the envelope and reads the paper inside.  "Well, this is a summons for jury duty," Larry says with annoyance, "I’ve got more important things to do than this."

Larry thinks a moment then notes, "Well, wait a minute, how can we be assigned to jury duty at the same time?"  "Well, I don’t like to blow my own horn but, uh . . . toot toot," Balki brags, "You see, uh . . . I’ve been going down to the courthouse every day and begging Dave, the courthouse clerk, to put our names at the top of the jury duty list."  "He can’t do that," Larry points out.  "Well, that’s what he said," Balki reports, "But after I went down on my lunch hour and my coffee break each and every day for a few weeks, Dave and I became best buds.  And finally he said to me, and I quote, ‘Listen to me, you swarthy little twit . . . ‘  That’s . . . that’s his little nickname for me.  He said, ‘Okay, I’ll do it but you have to promise to never, ever come to see me again.’  See, he didn’t want others to know that he did me a special favor.  So, uh . . . does it help to know the right people or what?"

"And I guess I’m the lucky one who knows you," Larry says sarcastically.  "Oh, go on with you!" Balki says, taking Larry’s remark as a compliment and pushing Larry’s face away, "You’re not lucky, Cousin.  You deserve me."  Larry looks unhappy.  "You know what?  I got to go . . . I got to go decide what I’m going to wear," Balki says as he gets up to head upstairs, "I need something that says ‘impartial yet firmly on the side of justice.’  I’m thinking paisley."  Balki goes upstairs and Larry sets down the newspaper to look at the summons.  Jennifer enters from the kitchen carrying plane tickets and says, "Good news, Larry.  I just got back from the travel agent.  I got such a great deal on our trip to Bermuda they’re practically paying us to go."  "Well, Jen, that’s great!" Larry says happily.  "Just you and me," Jennifer says dreamily, "No Mary Anne . . . no Balki . . . "

Larry puts his arm around Jennifer and sighs happily, "Oh yeah . . . no Balki."  "Sunning by the pool," Jennifer continues to paint the picture of their trip, "Breakfast in bed."  "No Balki," Larry sighs, then he asks, "So when do we leave?"  "The seventeenth," Jennifer says.  "Oh, perfect," Larry smiles, then as he’s about to kiss Jennifer he pulls away and cries, "Oh no!  Wait a minute!  Oh no, I’ve got jury duty starting on . . . on the sixteenth.  Can’t . . . can’t we put the trip off for a week?"  "No, Larry, the trip is prepaid," Jennifer informs him, "No refunds, no exchanges.  What are we going to do?"  "W . . . okay, okay," Larry says, "I mean, maybe I’ll be assigned to an easy case, I’ll only have to be in court for a day.  This could still work out."  "Well, I hope so," Jennifer sighs, "Larry, we have a room with a waterbed.  I think we could make some waves."  "I’ll work it out," Larry promises and he and Jennifer kiss.

At the courthouse, we see the judge issuing instructions to the jury.  He tells them, "Members of the jury, the defendant Bob Taylor has been charged with the armed robbery of Jerry’s Gas ‘n Shop.  It is your duty to settle on a unanimous verdict.  You will now retire to the jury room for your deliberations."  The judge bangs his gavel and says, "Next case."  Inside the jury room, Larry is clearly the foreman.  He addresses the jurors, who are gathered around the table listening.  "What we have here is an open and shut case.  I think we can just take a quick vote and we’re outta here."  Larry sits down and everyone starts writing their votes on pieces of paper.  "Boy, Cousin, you . . . you were born to be a foreman," Balki observes, "I could kick myself for not bringing my camera."  The jurors pass their votes forward and Larry stands to read them.  "Okay . . . ‘guilty’ . . . ‘guilty’ . . . ‘guilty’ . . . ‘guilty’ . . . ‘guilty’ . . . ‘guilty’ . . . ‘not guilty’ . . . ‘not guilty’ . . . ‘guilty’ . . . ‘not guilty’ . . . ‘guilty.’"  Larry stands with his arms on his hips a moment, then sits and asks, "Okay . . . which three morons, no offense, voted ‘not guilty?’"

"Cousin, excuse me . . . excuse me," Balki interrupts, "we . . . we just took a secret ballot."  Balki addresses the other jurors, repeating, "A secret ballot.  To decide a man’s future.  A man’s future."  "Balki, shut up," Larry says, then repeats, "Shut . . . up.  All right, now . . . why don’t we recount the evidence for the three of you who seemed to have dozed off during the trial."  Larry picks up a box of evidence and sets it on the table.  "Now, the defendant was apprehended on the night of the robbery with Exhibit A, this jacket."  Larry pulls a loud, gaudy plaid jacket from the box.  "Wwowww!" Balki exclaims, "What a piece of goods.  Let me see the lining on that."  Balki reaches for the jacket but Larry slaps his hand away.  "This jacket was positively identified by the attendant," Larry explains, setting the jacket aside.  "Cousin . . . " Balki tries to interrupt.  "Number two . . . "  "Cousin . . . "  "Number two, we . . . we have . . . "  "Cousin . . . "  " . . . w . . . what is it?" Larry gives in.  "What color were the assailant’s pants?" Balki asks.  "Doesn’t matter," Larry finally answers, "Number two . . . "  "Oh no no . . . " Balki contradicts.  "We have . . . we . . . so . . . "  "No, no, no."  "What?  What?" Larry asks, losing his patience.

"No, no, no, I beg to quibble with you," Balki says, "The defendant’s pants were brown.  Okay?  Now, no one would wear brown pants with this jacket."  "Number two," Larry continues as he pulls a handgun out of the box gingerly by the handle, "The defendant was found with a gun in his pocket.  The same kind of gun used for the robbery.  Exhibit B."  Larry moves the gun to his other hand and Balki takes it from him and starts looking at it.  "And finally we have Exhibit . . . "  Larry sees Balki holding the gun as if to fire it and scolds, "No, no, no, put that down.  Put it down."  Larry tries to wrestle the gun away from Balki, causing it to wave wildly at the jury members.  "Hit the deck!" one juror cries and everyone ducks under the table.  "My finger is caught!" Balki complains as they continue to struggle, "Okay, my finger is caught!"  "Let go!  Let go!" Larry orders.  "Stop squeezing!  Stop squeezing!  Just let my finger go!" Balki cries, "Let my finger go!"  "There!" Larry finally manages to pull the gun away and looks around to see everyone hiding under the table.  "People!  People!" Larry says, "It’s not loaded."  Everyone comes back up and sits in their seats again.

"All right," Larry sighs, pulling a piece of paper from the box, "And finally we have Exhibit C.  The court record stating that two hundred and fourteen dollars was found in the defendant’s coat pocket.  The same exact amount of money stolen.  Coincidence, you say?  I think not.  What we have here is enough evidence for . . . "  "Cousin . . . Cousin, I just want . . . "  " . . . is enough evidence for anybody to . . . "  "Cousin, I have a comment . . . I have a comment," Balki insists.  " . . . for anybody in their . . . what?  What is it?" Larry gives in.  "Now . . . now . . . now this is interesting," Balki begins, "Bob testified . . . "  "Who is Bob?" Larry asks condescendingly.  Balki stands up and cries, "Who is Bob?" in disbelief.  A juror on the other end of the table raises his hand to answer.  "Who is . . . ?  No, thank you very much, I want him to answer!" Balki insists, "Bob Taylor, Cousin.  The defendant?  Now, we are deciding where Bob is going to spend his next five to nine birthdays.  And you cannot even remember his name?"  "Oh right," Larry winks, "Guilty Bob."  "Cousin, he is Innocent Bob until he is proven Guilty Bob," Balki reminds Larry, "Now Bob testified that he was standing on the street corner and all of a sudden another man come running along and throw that jacket at him.  Now I think that this is . . . "

"Don’t think, okay?" Larry snaps, "Don’t think."  "Cousin . . . Cousin, let me finish my thought."  "Okay?  Don’t think.  Listen.  Listen to me."  "Let me finish my thought!  Cousin, I just want to . . . "  They continue to argue until Balki cries out, "You’re embarrassing me in front of the other jurors!"  Balki sits down and covers his face with his hand and sobs as Larry rolls his eyes in response.  Larry slowly sits down and composes himself.  "Now, facts are facts, people," Larry says calmly, "And it is our job to look at the facts and then, using our objective minds, vote . . . to send this scum bum, pig filth up the river.  Okay, let’s vote."  Everyone writes down their votes again as Balki sits looking at Larry, shaking his head in disbelief.  Larry stands up to collect the votes, saying, "All right, pass ‘em down here."  Once Larry has all the votes in hand he starts to read them aloud.  "‘Guilty’ . . . ‘guilty’ . . . ‘guilty’ . . . ‘guilty’ . . . ‘guilty’ . . . ‘guilty’ . . .  Much better people!  . . . ‘guilty’ . . . ‘guilty’ . . . ‘guilty’ . . . ‘guilty’ . . . ‘guilty’ . . . ‘I’m sorry, Cousin, I just couldn’t do it.’"  Larry tosses the votes up with exasperation and everyone on the jury moans with frustration as the scene fades to black.

Act two begins with Larry and Balki coming home, obviously still furious with each other.  "Well, this is just great!" Larry complains, throwing his jacket onto the back of the couch where Balki has also thrown his, "Thanks to you we have to go back to the courthouse tomorrow morning!"  "Excuse me, Cousin," Balki says, stepping back from the kitchen door where he was heading, "but I’m the one who ought to be upset.  And I am upset!  Because I’m pretty sure that even as foreman you had no right to try to make me change my vote by forcing me to stand in a corner."  Balki storms off to the kitchen. Larry sneers but doesn’t follow.  Jennifer walks down the stairs carrying a tiny bag and says, "Hi, Larry.  Did you finish packing?"  "No, I haven’t," Larry admits, "Jen, there’s been a small hitch.  I’m not finished with jury duty."  Jennifer gasps, about to say something, but Larry continues.  "But . . . but don’t worry.  I’ll be finished early tomorrow morning.  Maybe if you finish packing your stuff you can pack mine."

"Oh well, Larry, I finished packing," Jennifer says as she reaches into the tiny bag and pulls out an equally tiny bikini to show Larry, "All I’m taking is this."  Larry’s mouth hangs open until Jennifer steps in and kisses him.  "‘Course I don’t know how much I’ll be wearing this," Jennifer adds suggestively.  She turns and walks back up the stairs.  Flummoxed, Larry walks into the kitchen and spies Balki eating some kind of cake at the counter.  Larry walks over to the kitchen sink and gets a glass of water, then throws it into his own face to calm down.  Larry dabs at his face with a towel then puts on a smile before approaching Balki.  "Balki, I’d like to apologize for being so hard on you earlier this afternoon," Larry offers, "I’m calmer now."  Balki rolls his eyes and continues to eat.  "You know, I . . . I think this might be a good time for me to hear your interpretation of the facts," Larry suggests, "And . . . and . . . and then I can tell you exactly where you’re mistaken."  Seeing Balki’s reaction, Larry holds up a hand and adds, "If you’re mistaken."

"Cousin, I am not mistaken," Balki insists, "I happen to have very good reasons for voting not guilty."  "And I would love to hear them," Larry assures Balki.  "No, you wouldn’t," Balki pouts.  "Yes, I would," Larry insists.  "No, you wouldn’t," Balki says, starting to smile.  "Yes, I would."  "No, you wouldn’t."  "Yes, I would."  "No, you wouldn’t."  "Yes, I would!" Larry yells, slamming his hand down on the counter and making Balki jump.  Larry tries to soften this by motioning for Balki to share his thoughts and saying, "Tell me.  Tell me."  "Okay, Cousin," Balki begins, "aside from the glaringly obvious fact that the plaid jacket don’t belong in the defendant’s wardrobe, I noticed that over a five minute period the defendant blinked his eyes twenty-seven times.  I also noticed he crossed his hands right over left.  Now . . . if that don’t say innocent, I don’t know what does."  Larry takes this in and then calmly says, "Okay . . . let’s see . . . eye blinking . . . "  "Twenty-seven times!" Balki emphasizes.  " . . . hands crossed . . . "  " . . . right over left," Balki echoes Larry as he says this, then adds, "And the aforementioned wardrobe inconsistency."

"Wardrobe inconsistency," Larry repeats.  After a moment, Larry screams, "Are you outta your mind??  Those are the stupidest observations I have ever heard!  Balki, this is America!  And in America we use the facts.  And you, as an American citizen, must use the facts."  "Cousin, I listened to the facts," Balki insists, "and I want you to know that all of the evidence was circumcisional."  "All right, all right, all right . . . all right, Balki, I am going to show you exactly what happened," Larry says, "We are going to re-enact the crime."  "Oh!  We’re going to act!  Okay!" Balki says excitedly, and he grabs Larry by the shoulder and pulls him past the counter.  "All right, now, I will be the gas station attendant.  You be the robber," Larry says.  "No," Balki argues.  "You be the robber."  "I’m not gonna be the robber."  "You be the robber."  "I’m not gonna be the robber.  I’m not gonna be some scum bug, pig breath robber whose name wasn’t even Bob," Balki insists.  "Fine, you be the attendant," Larry capitulates.

"I can’t be the attendant.  My shirt is too clean," Balki points out.  "You . . . you just started your shift," Larry offers.  Balki thinks a moment then agrees, "Okay, I could make that work."  "Okay, all right," Larry sighs, "Now, when I, as the robber, come in, you, as the attendant, are behind the counter.  Okay?"  Larry positions Balki on the other side of the counter.  "Now I come in . . . "  "No, Cousin, Cousin . . . no, wait, wait . . . "  "I come in like I said . . . what?  What?  What?  What?"  "Wait, if I’m the attendant, then this . . . you have to move more that way because this is not really the counter right here.  You know, this is the peanut display right here," Balki nitpicks, "And right over here is the beef jerky . . . I . . . "  Larry grabs Balki and pulls him away from the counter, complaining, "Balki, you know something?  I don’t care about your beef jerky or your peanut display!  All I care about is going to Bermuda!"  Balki’s eyes open wide at this revelation.  "I mean upholding justice!" Larry tries to cover quickly.  "Excuse me?  Going to Bermuda?" Balki cries.

"Well, who wouldn’t want to go to Bermuda?" Larry tries to lighten the situation, "But that is not the point.  Okay . . . "  Larry moves Balki back to the counter and tries to engage him, saying, "Now, you’re the attendant, we’re over here, your beef jerky is here . . . you’ve got your . . . "  Balki grabs Larry by the shirt and pulls him around the counter and then lifts him up to look at him eye to eye, "Listen to me!  Cut the babasticki!  You want me to vote guilty and send an innocent man to rot away in prison so that you can go to Bermuda with Jennifer?"  "That’s not it at all!" Larry argues.  "Then what is it?" Balki asks.  "Okay, that’s it," Larry admits.  Balki releases him.  "But . . . but, you . . . you don’t understand!" Larry cries, "The . . . the tickets are pre-paid and . . . and . . . "  "Cousin . . . " Balki sighs.  "Jennifer . . . all she’s bringing is this . . . "  "Cousin . . . "  " . . . this little . . . this tiny thing . . . and I was thinking maybe . . . we could . . . "  He mimics the tiny bikini and acts all flustered again.  "You know what?" Balki says, "You’re not the only one who had plans.  Today is the last day that the carnival is in town and I was planning to go down and see how many times I could ride the Tilt-O-Whirl before I got sick and now that dream is shattered!"  Balki runs crying from the kitchen.

The next day we see an establishing shot of the courthouse and hear Balki’s voice explaining, as if he has explained it countless time before, "He blinked twenty-seven times."  Inside the jury room, Balki is trying to explain his theory to a juror named Pete.  "Okay?  Twenty-seven times!"  Everyone else is sitting around the jury room in an utter state of exhaustion.  Larry is sitting in a chair in the corner moaning, "No plane . . . no Bermuda . . . no bikini . . . "  "You know, I’m getting just a little sick and tired of you, Captain Garlic," Pete turns on Balki angrily and getting to his feet, "Why don’t we try a little physical persuasion to help him come to the right decision?"  "All I am trying to do is to prevent you, all of you, from making a horrible mistake," Balki stands his ground, "And just for your information, a clove of raw garlic each day will ward off heart attack."  Pete has had it and says, "All right, all those in favor of pulverizing this guy say ‘Aye!’"  "Aye!" the other jurors shout and they jump to their feet and start after Balki.

"I’m gonna enjoy this," Pete threatens and they chase Balki behind the table and over to the window.  "Cousin . . . Cousin . . . " Balki calls as he scoots along the windowsill as everyone is grabbing for him.  "Whoa!" Larry leaps up to stop them, "Whoa!  Whoa!  Whoa!  Whoa!  Wait a minute!" Larry shouts, pushing himself between the mob and Balki, "Wait a minute!  Just . . . hey, hey!  Cut it out!  What you are doing is wrong!  You’re condemning a . . . a man for having the guts to stand up for what he believes in, no matter how stupid it is.  So . . . so what if we’re inconvenienced for a couple of days?  Missing our vacations . . . locked away from our wives . . . and their . . . their . . . their teeny tiny little bikinis."  After a moment Larry exclaims, "Let’s get him!"  They all lunge at Balki, causing him to jump onto the chair in the corner.  Larry changes his mind and turns to hold off the mob again, yelling, "No, no, no!  Wait!  Wait!  Stand back!"  Larry picks up another chair and holds it up like a lion tamer to keep the mob back, yelling, "Stand back!"  "Whose side are you on, anyway?" Pete cries.

"Now listen, Cousin, let . . . let me just try . . . try talking to them for a second," Balki asks, "I . . . I . . . I have a way with angry mobs.  Fellow jurors, please.  You are acting exactly like a flock of sheep before the winter shearing.  You’re . . . you’re jumpy, itchy, chafed . . . "  Everyone looks confused.  "Let’s hurt ‘im!" Pete suggests, and the jurors go for Balki again.  "No!" Larry cries, holding the chair between Balki and the mob.  Balki opens his mouth wide and breaths out, blasting them with garlic breath and causing them to fall back in disgust.  "All right," Pete instructs the others, "Just hold your breath and he’s ours!"  They all inhale and hold their breath them lunge for Balki again, reaching up to grab him by the throat.  The bailiff enters the room and sees the fracas then yells, "Excuse me!"  Everyone looks at the man.  "Hello," Balki says meekly, then explains, "Just . . . just having a little discussion."

"Yeah well, there’s nothing more to discuss," the bailiff informs them, "and they caught the real thief and he confessed and the judge dropped all the charges against Mr. Taylor.  Anyway, you people are free to go."  The jurors happily grab their things and leave the jury room, uttering things like, "Well, let’s get outta here."  Pete reaches up and lowers Balki down from the chair and sets him on the floor.  "Look, pal, I’m . . . I’m sorry, uh . . . no offense, huh?" Pete offers.  "Hey, you were venting," Balki understands.  Pete exits the room, leaving just Larry, Balki and the bailiff.  "Well, Balki, I’m sorry you had to see the ugly side of jury duty," Larry sighs, "I’m sure our being attacked by a mob of angry jurors wasn’t exactly the experience you were looking for."  "No, uh . . . it wasn’t," Balki admits, "But, uh . . . the good news is that an innocent man is going home and a guilty man is going to jail.  And it’s . . . it’s nice to know that one small garlicky voice can make a difference."

"Well, I’m just sorry I had to miss my plane to Bermuda to learn that," Larry sighs.  "Oh, you can still make it to Bermuda," the bailiff interrupts, "See, according to airline policy when serving jury duty a note from the court is an exception to restricted air travel.  I’ll get you one."  "W . . . well, thank you!" Larry says as the man leaves the room, "Well, this is great!"  "Cousin, this worked out swell for everybody," Balki notes, "Justice was served and you get to go to Bermuda with Jennifer and . . . that means that, uh . . . Mary Anne and I will have the . . . house to ourselves, uh . . . you know what that means, don’t you?"  Balki starts motioning to Larry in a suggestive manner and nudging him and making knowing sounds.  Larry only repeats these half-heartedly and finally speculates, "Giant jigsaw puzzles?"  "You know me so well," Balki smiles and the episode ends.


Script Variations:
There are a some differences between the shooting script dated November 7, 1991 and the episode which aired:
When Balki first enters with the letters he says, "Cousin, Cousin.  Big news.  Air mail."  We have to assume he was originally going to jump over the back of the couch.
- After Larry comments, "Well, isn't that nice?" Balki says, "Jury duty will give me a chance to use all the invaluable knowledge I've gained from watching People's Court.  Doug Llewelyn is my idol.  'Don't take the law into your own hands, take them to court.'  He's such a firebrand.  I'm so excited."
- Originally Jennifer was to mention, "Sunning by the pool.  Snorkeling . . . " before Larry says, "No Balki," and then she was to say, "Strolling in the moonlight.  Breakfast in bed," to which Larry again replies, "No Balki."
- As Larry and Jennifer kiss, Balki comes bounding back down the stairs and exclaims, "Cousin, I've changed my mind.  Paisley says traffic court.  Trial by jury feels more floral.  Would you miss your shower curtain for a few days?"
- Originally the bailiff was supposed to appear in the scene with the judge, and an additional scene was to signify the beginning of the trial.  We see stock footage of a courtroom door with a "Court in session" sign posted on it.  The bailiff announces, "Case number 91-CR-99383.  The people of the State of Illinois versus Bob Taylor."  Inside the courtroom, the bailiff stands next to the judge's bench.  The bailiff reads from a clipboard.  "The defendant has been charged with armed robbery of Jerry's Gas And Shop."  The scene then dissolves to the scene with just the judge giving the jury their instructions.
- At the beginning of the jury room scene, we see everyone enter the room.  At each place at the conference table there are yellow legal pads and scraps of paper for ballots.  There is also water in pitchers and glasses on the table.  The bailiff closes the door behind the last juror.  Balki crosses to the conference table and picks up a legal pad.  "Cousin, look at this.  It all makes sense now.  'Legal' pads.  It will be with these pads, these pads, using these pencils, these pencils, drinking that ice water, that ice water, that we will decide the fate of another human being.  Another human being."  "Yeah, right," Larry says sarcastically, "I'm tingly all over.  Now let's hurry up and get out of here.  Everyone take a seat."  Balki and the jurors sit.  Larry stands at the head of the table.  "What we have here is an open and shut . . . " Larry begins.  Balki raises his hand.  "Cousin.  Cousin."  "What is it, Balki?"  "I believe our first order of business is to elect a foreman," Balki points out.  "Okay, fine," Larry sighs impatiently, "Nominate me, Balki.  Go ahead.  Nominate me."  Larry hits Balki on the back of the head.  "I nominate Cousin Larry," Balki says.  "Cousin Larry for foreman," Larry announces, "All in favor?"  The jurors ad-lib 'Fine,' 'Sure,' 'Why not?,' 'Who cares?'  This is when Larry suggests they take a quick vote.
- After commenting that Cousin Larry was born to be a foreman, Balki notes, "Too bad Jennifer and Mary Anne aren't here to see you in action."  Then he says he could kick himself for not bringing his camera, then explains to the jurors, "They're our girlfriends.  Well, actually, one's a girlfriend and one's a wife."  Larry then reads the ballots.
- The line where Larry replies, "Shut up . . . Shut . . . up," to Balki is not in this script.
- Before Larry pulls the actual jacket out of the box, he describes it, "The gas station attendant said the assailant was wearing a loud sports jacket with patches on the elbows.  The defendant was apprehended on the night of the robbery with, exhibit A, this jacket."  Larry pulls the jacket out of the box and Balki comments, "Very chic.  That would go with everything I own."  After Balki asks what color the defendant's pants were and Larry says it doesn't matter, Balki argues that the defendant was wearing brown pants and no one would wear brown pants with that jacket.  "Tacky.  And if you noticed the defendant's choice of clothes, you'll realize that again and again he showed himself to be partial to earth tones.  Huh?  Huh?"
- One time when Balki tries to interrupt, Larry tells him, "Balki . . .  Zip it."
- At the end of Act One when Balki votes not guilty, Pete sighs, "Oh, great."
- Instead of saying, "‘Course I don’t know how much I’ll be wearing this," Jennifer says, "Of course, it's so warm there, maybe even this is too much."
- When Balki is pointing out where the peanut display and beef jerky would be on the counter, he adds, "You know, no one's bought any of this stuff in seven years.  I told them it wasn't going to move, but I'm just the new kid."
- When Larry is going on about Jennifer's bikini and the trip, Balki says, "I understand you're upset.  But we can't put out own selfish interests above justice.  This isn't easy for me, either."  He then goes on to tell Larry about his plans to ride the Tilt-O-Whirl.
- After Balki exits, Larry picks up a cleaver and considers going after Balki with it, then puts it down and exits.
- As Balki is trying to explain to the jurors about the blinking, he includes, "Now, had it been fourteen or fifteen times, I'd be on your side.  We'd be out of here.  But he blinked twenty-seven times."
- As Balki is trying to avoid the jurors, he calls out, "Cousin?  Excuse me, Cousin?  I think we have a situation here."
- After Larry says that the jurors are wrong for going after Balki when he has the guts to stand up for what he believes, no matter how stupid it is, Balki says, "Thank you, Cousin,"  "You're welcome," Larry replies.  "How kind," Balki adds.
- As Balki is trying to calm the angry jurors by comparing them to a flock of sheep before the winter shearing, he continues, "It's your responsibility to uphold justice and this is no time to shirk that responsibility.  So hold your heads high and prepare to lose your wool."
- When the bailiff is explaining how the case against Mr. Taylor has been dropped, he adds, "How about that?  I thought he was guilty."
- After Larry guesses Balki and Mary Anne will do giant jigsaw puzzles, Balki says, "You know me so well, Cousin.  We're doing the Grand Canyon.  North rim.  Every piece looks alike."  They then exit the jury room.

The scripts for the TGIF promos which aired November 22, 1991 were included at the end of this script and shot after the filming of this episode.  You can view the script pages for these promos below and you can currently view these spots on our YouTube Channel.

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