Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 136 - Yes Sir, That's My Baby

First Air Date: February 8, 1992
Filming Date: December 6, 1991
Nielsen Rating: 6.3 HH

Produced by: Alan Plotkin
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Barry OíBrien & Cheryl Alu
Directed by: Judy Pioli

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous / Baby Balki
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton / Baby Larry
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Appleton

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri is not seen in this episode.

Balki-isms: There are no Balki-isms in this episode.

Donít be ridiculous: Said once in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Oh my Lord!"
"Wwowww!"
"I have . . . "  "Oh God!"  " . . . a plan!"
"Hi!" said simultaneously by Baby Larry and Baby Balki

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Baby Larry and Baby Balki pulls each othersí heads back by the hair
Baby Larry uses reverse psychology on Baby Balki to get him to change his mind about doing something, in this case playing with Bookie cat
A joke is made about Baby Larryís height
Baby Balki pushes Baby Larry face away
Baby Larry grabs Baby Balki by the ear
Baby Larry has a plan
Baby Larry shoots down one of Baby Balkiís plans and then seconds later suggests it himself
Baby Larry asks Baby Balki how many times heís escaped from a nursery

Interesting facts:
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The title of this episode is derived from a classic song of the same name, made popular during the Roaring 20's by both Ace Brigode and Eddie Cantor.
- This episode was undoubtedly inspired by the classic Laurel & Hardy short entitled Brats from 1930.  The plot involves dads Laurel and Hardy trying (quite unsuccessfully) to enjoy a night of checkers and snooker while after sending their sons to bed.  But the juvenile Laurel and Hardy (in a room full of oversized props and furniture) refuse to nap quietly.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
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There are some very funny outtakes from this episode which show Balki in bed with Larry and Jennifer.  On the third take of the scene, a practical joke was played when Bronson started pulling out various sex toys and objects like whips and chains from underneath the sheets!  But what was Balki doing in bed with them in the first place?  Read the Script Variations below to find out!


Synopsis:
The episode begins in the kitchen of the house where Larry is at the table working on fixing the toaster.  Balki comes in carrying a small basket with knitting materials inside.  "Cousin, thereís something I think you should know," Balki says, sitting down at the table beside Larry.  "Balki, if youíre gonna tell me that the toasterís broken, donít bother."  Larry starts to fish inside the toaster with a pair of needlenose pliers.  "The toasterís broken?" Balki asks, "No wonder why my pop tart never popped up."  Larry pulls a badly burned pop tart from the toaster and hands it to Balki, then goes in again with the pliers.  "Um . . . Iíve also got a . . . a fork in there," Balki informs Larry, who also pulls out a fork and hands it to Balki.  "Yes," Balki says as he takes the fork, then he begins, "Um . . . the thing that I wanted to tell you is . . . look, uh, Jennifer is knitting something for you.  And um, ordinarily I would never want to spoil the surprise, but I think if you just take a look . . . "

Balki sets the basket down in front of Larry but Larry moves it aside again, saying, "Okay . . . itís okay, Balki . . . itís okay.  Sheís probably knitting me a sweater.  Sheís always knitting me sweaters.  Except for the time she knitted me a car cover."  "Cousin, sheís . . . sheís not knitting you a car cover or a sweater," Balki continues, "Sheís knitting you these."  Balki pulls out the needles and a pair of blue baby booties and holds them up for Larry to see.  Larry gives them a cursory glance and smiles at Balki, then continues working on the toaster.  " . . . and . . . and . . . usually I . . . I wouldnít even dream of spoiling the surprise," Balki continues as Larry finally reacts with a shocked look, "but I just wanted you to see them . . . I . . . I wanted you to see them so that when she gives them to you and you see that theyíre way too small . . . you . . . you wonít say . . . "  "Oh my Lord!" Balki and Larry say together.  " . . . and hurt her feelings."

"Balki, do . . . do you have any idea what this means?" Larry asks.  "Well, of course I do.  Donít be ridiculous," Balki insists, "It means Jennifer has grossly misjudged your foot size."  Balki picks up Larryís foot and sets it on his lap, trying to fit the baby booty on it.  "I think theyíll stretch if we just . . . just dip them in something.  Some kind of saline solution or something," Balki suggests.  Larry takes the booty from Balki and says, "No, Balki, donít you get it?  Jenniferís gonna have a baaaa . . . "  Larry chokes on the word.  "Jenniferís gonna have a baaaa . . . "  "Jennifer is going to have a sheep?" Balki asks, "In the entire history of Mypos that only happened once."  "No, Balki, Jennifer is not gonna have a sheep," Larry says, "Sheís gonna have a . . . baby."  "A baby what?" Balki asks excitedly.  "A baby Appleton!" Larry explains.  "Cousin!  Cousin!" Balki exclaims, "Oh my goodness!  When did Jennifer tell you?"

"W . . . well, she hasnít told me yet.  She . . . she obviously wants it to be a surprise.  Thatís why sheís knitting booties."  "Thatís why sheís knitting booties?" Balki asks with confusion.  "Itís what women do to prepare for a baby," Larry explains.  "Well, thatís . . . thatís kind of odd," Balki comments, "On Mypos when a woman is expecting a child all she has to do is dig a deeper well, buy a bigger laundry basket and pre-chew a lot of meat."  "Theyíre blue," Larry observes, "That . . . that means itís a boy.  Well, I . . . I can handle that.  I . . . I used to be a little boy.  Iíll . . . Iíll just do everything my father did.  Iíll . . . Iíll . . . Iíll be my sonís pal.  We . . . weíll communicate.  If he does something wrong Iíll just point it out to him.  And . . . and when . . . when he builds that . . . that little car for . . for the soap box derby Iíll just tell him that itís not good enough.  And Iíll be sure to tell him in front of all his friends."

Larry drops the booties and starts to sob, "Oh Balki, who am I kidding?  Iím gonna destroy my son!"  "Cousin, Cousin, Cousin, come on," Balki comforts Larry, "I think youíre overestimating your influence.  Now . . . youíll learn how to be a father.  Look, uh . . . in the beginning anyway all you have to do is just let him be a baby, have fun, eat with his hands."  "Thatís just like you," Larry smiles, "Everything is fun and games and enjoying life.  Well, thatís just not how it works.  And someday youíll have a son of your own and youíll see just how hard it is."  Balki thinks about this and muses, "Maybe I will have a son.  Cousin, Iíll teach him everything my father taught me.  Iíll teach him how to shear a sheep.  Iíll teach him how to milk a goat.  Iíll teach him how to outrun lava.  Cousin, wouldnít it be great if . . . if our little boys were best buds just like we are?"

The scene oil dissolves to a shot of Balki and Larry standing in the doorway of a blue decorated room and looking down with loving expressions.  "Sweet dreams, Little Larry," Larry offers, "Have a nice nap and after dinner Iíll teach you how to balance a checkbook."  Balki gives Larry a strange look, then says into the room, "Snoozi snoozi, baby Balki.  Sleep on your face and drool."  Larry gives Balki a strange look.  "After your nap weíll take to you Disneyland!" Balki finishes, and he and Larry close the door.  "Now why would you promise them that?" Larry asks, "We have no intention of taking them to Disneyland."  "I know," Balki answers, "Iím just hoping youíll take me!"  They walk off.  Inside the room we see a nursery with a large crib in the middle.  The room is strewn with all manner of toys.  Baby Larry and Baby Balki sit up inside the crib and suck on their thumbs as they look through the bars.  They pull their thumbs from their mouths and Baby Larry says, "Balance a checkbook.  Thatís why I love my dad.  Heís practical.  Thatís a skill I can use.  What can you learn going to Disneyland?"  "That itís . . . itís a small world after all?" Baby Balki asks, "And how to have fun?"

"You know, thatís just your problem," Baby Larry complains, "You think the . . . the world is . . . is about fun and games.  Well, thatís just not how it works."  Baby Balki takes a ball from between the bars and bounces it off Baby Larryís head, then smiles.  "Wwowww!" Baby Balki exclaims, "That was more fun than bouncing that golf ball off your head.  I want to play with my Bookie cat!"  Baby Balki and Baby Larry climb to their feet and Baby Larry picks up the large, furry stuffed cat and plays keep away with it.  "I want . . . I want my Book . . . I want my Bookie cat," Balki says, reaching for the stuffed cat which Baby Larry is holding out of his reach over the side of the crib.  "I want to play with Bookie cat," Baby Larry teases.  "No, I want my Bookie . . . " Baby Balki whines.  Baby Larry moves to the other side of the crib with Baby Balki following and holds Bookie cat out on the other side out of Baby Balkiís reach.  "I want to . . . I want . . . " Balki whines and cries.  "You canít!" Baby Larry teases, and then he moves back to the other side of the crib again and dangles the toy out of reach once more.  "I want to play with . . . Bookie catís mine, I want to play with Bookie . . . " Baby Balki insists, pulling Baby Larryís head back by the hair.  Baby Larry grabs Baby Balki by the hair and pulls his head back as well and they both cry, "Ow!"

"Okay, fine!  You play with Bookie cat," Baby Larry says, moving to the center of the crib railing, "But if you do his collar bell will ring and then our dads will know that weíre not taking a nap and weíll be sent to an orphanage."  "An orphanage?" Baby Balki asks worriedly.  "Yeah, and weíll have to eat crumbs and sleep on thumbtacks," Baby Larry adds.  "I donít want to sleep on thumbtacks," Baby Balki says.  "Well, youíll have to sleep on thumbtacks if you play with Bookie cat," Baby Larry insists.  "I donít . . . I donít want to sleep on thumbtacks," Baby Balki whines.  "Well, youíll have to sleep on thumbtacks if you play with Bookie cat," Baby Larry repeats.  "I . . . I donít want to play with Bookie cat," Baby Balki says.  "I think you should play with Bookie cat," Baby Larry insists, pushing the toy into Baby Balkiís face and backing him into the corner.  "I donít want to play with Bookie cat."  "I think you should play with Bookie cat!"  "I donít want to play . . .  Please!  Please!  Donít make me play with Bookie cat!" Baby Balki cries out loudly.  "Okay," Baby Larry says.  "Okay," Baby Balki bounces back and sucks on his thumb.

"Iíll play with Bookie cat," Baby Larry says, and he holds the toy over the crib railing and makes it mew twice, then twirls it by the tail, imitating the sound of a cat screeching until he lets it go and it flies across the room.  After a moment, Baby Larry suggests, "Letís get out of this crib and have some real fun."  Baby Larry moves to the corner to start to climb out of the crib.  "But Cousin, where . . . where are you going?" Baby Balki asks, "There are all these toys in the crib that we havenít played with."  "Thereís all these toys in the crib that we havenít played with," Baby Larry mocks Baby Balki as he moves a giant teddy bear to the corner of the crib.  Baby Balki grabs Baby Larryís hair a moment, causing Baby Larry to cry, "Ow!"  Baby Larry then says, "You know something?  You get on my nerve.  Iím gonna go ride my rocking horse."  Baby Larry climbs up the teddy bear and then swings himself, upside down, over the side of the crib.  As he uprights himself and starts to climb down onto a giant rocking chair, Baby Balki looks at his hands and makes the realization, "I have two thumbs!"  He starts to suck on the thumb on his left hand and then tells Baby Larry, "Dessert!" before popping both thumbs into his mouth.

"Stop acting like a baby," Baby Larry scolds.  "I am not a baby," Baby Balki insists, "Iím just a terrible two.  I wish I was three.  They say life begins at three."  Baby Balki sucks on his thumb again.  Baby Larry manages to climb down off the rocking chair and bounces around on the floor in front of Baby Balki, shouting, "Iím out of the crib!  Iím out of the crib!  Boy, oh boy!  It sure is fun being out of the crib!"  Baby Larry turns to the crib and Baby Balki kicks him in the face, knocking Baby Larry backwards.  Baby Balki giggles and says, "I want to be out of the crib!"  "You canít be out of the crib," Baby Larry taunts.  "Yes, I can," Baby Balki says seriously, "and Iím beginning to doubt that orphanage story."  Baby Balki begins to climb the giant teddy to get out of the crib.  Baby Larry toddles over to the rocking chair and pulls it away without Baby Balki seeing.  Baby Balki hangs at the top of the crib with his feet kicking out, searching for the chair.  Baby Larry runs beneath him as Baby Balki asks, "Where . . . whereís the rocker?"  "Itís over here," Baby Larry teases, slapping the bottom of Baby Balkiís foot to make him think itís hitting the chair.

"Whereís the rocker?" Baby Balki cries.  "Itís over here," Baby Larry lies again, slapping Baby Balkiís foot.  Baby Balki kicks Baby Larry in the face with the foot, causing Baby Larry to stagger.  Baby Balki finally climbs to the other side of the crib rail and hangs on, looking down.  "Come on, jump!" Baby Larry coaxes, "Iíll catch you."  "Uh, please . . . I wasnít born yesterday," Baby Balki scoffs.  "Come on, Iím your Cousin!" Baby Larry points out, "Trust me!  Iíll catch you."  "No," Baby Balki refuses.  "Come on!  Come on!" Baby Larry insists, "Come on, come on.  Here we go.  Ready?  Ready?  One . . . two . . . three!"  Baby Balki jumps off the crib as Baby Larry steps back, letting Baby Balki land on the floor with a thud.  "Let that be a lesson to you," Baby Larry lectures, "Never trust anyone over two."  Baby Balki opens his mouth and starts to cry, loud and long.  "No, no!" Baby Larry urges, "Donít . . . donít cry or our fathers will hear us."  Baby Balki lets out another long, loud cry.

Baby Larry picks up a little stuffed rabbit from the floor and holds it up to Baby Balki playfully, saying, "Here . . . you know, if you donít stop crying Mr. Cuddly Bunnyís gonna beat the living daylights outta ya!"  Balki cries again, reaching out for Mr. Cuddly Bunny.  Baby Larry shoves the toy into Baby Balkiís mouth and they wrestle on the floor together.  Baby Balki grabs Baby Larry by the hair and pulls his head back, then pushes him down on the floor on his belly and sits on his back, shoving Mr. Cuddly Bunny into Baby Larryís mouth.  Baby Larry then grabs Baby Balkiís leg and bites it, causing Baby Balki to get off.  They sit up next to each other and both let out a long, loud cry, then slowly raise their thumbs to suck on them and calm down.  They pull their thumbs out of their mouths and Baby Larry comments, "Iím bored."  "Yeah, me, too," Baby Balki agrees.  Baby Larry spend a moment gyrating, slapping his legs, then sighs, "I wish I lived on a ranch.  I wish I had a . . . a plane and could go all over the world."

Baby Balki has taken off one of his pajama booties and says, "I wish I could get my foot in my mouth.  That way Iíd always know where my shoes are."  Baby Balki is trying to pull his foot up into his mouth, and Baby Larry reaches over and knocks him off balance so he falls over.  Baby Balki kicks Baby Larry so that he also falls over.  They get to their feet as Baby Larry comments, "You know, thatís your trouble.  You think small."  "I am small," Baby Balki points out, "Although, genetically I . . . I have a . . . a good chance of being taller than you."  Baby Balki pushes Baby Larryís face away.  Baby Larry half-heartedly pushes on Baby Balkiís face and they both let out a small cry and then suck on their thumbs.  They remove their thumbs and Larry continues, "What I mean is . . . you are perfectly content to nap your life away while thereís other kids outside having fun.  Iím going outside in the back yard and play on the swings.  Wanna come with me?"  "Well, I want to come with you but . . . but the swings are way out there and . . . and . . . and weíre . . . weíre stuck in here," Baby Balki points out, "How will we get out there?"  "Donít worry," Baby Larry begins, "I have . . . "  "Oh God!"  " . . . a plan."  The scene fades to black.

Act two begins with Baby Larry and Baby Balki setting up giant blocks into a small pyramid by the window.  "Okay, Balki, you hold the blocks steady and Iíll climb up to the window sill," Baby Larry instructs.  Baby Larry struggles to climb the block pyramid as Baby Balki walks over to a giant panda bear toy sitting on a table.  The blocks wobble unsteadily under Baby Larry, but Baby Balki is too distracted to notice.  "Hello, Mr. Bear," Baby Balki smiles, "Do you want . . . do you . . . do you want to play in the back yard?"  "Balki?  Are . . . are you holding the blocks st . . . steady?" Baby Larry asks nervously.  "Just a minute, Cousin, Iím talking to Mr. Bear," Baby Balki explains.  "Youíre . . . youíre what?" Baby Larry cries, turning around, "Youíre talking to Mr. Bear?  Oh!"  Baby Larry falls to the floor as the block pyramid topples over.  Baby Balki is still playing with Mr. Bear, pointing to the bearís nose and then his own as he says, "Nose . . . nose."  Baby Larry slowly gets to his feet and walks over to Baby Balki, who is pointing to the bearís eyes and then his own and saying, "Eyes . . . eyes."  Baby Balki then point to the bearís mouth and then puts his fingers in his own mouth, saying, "Mouth . . . mouth."

Baby Balki reaches up and touches Mr. Bearís ear and says, "Ear . . . "  Baby Larry grabs Baby Balki by the ear and pulls it.  "What did I ask you to do?" Baby Larry asks.  "Hold the blocks," Baby Balki answers.  "What did you do?"  "Talked to Mr. Bear."  "What happened?"  "Cousin Larry fall down, go boom," Baby Balki replies.  "What should you say to me?" Baby Larry demands.  "Do it again," Baby Balki smiles.  Baby Larry pushes Baby Balkiís ear away and gives him an angry look.  Baby Balki becomes alarmed and starts to run away at a slow toddle as Baby Larry gives chase.  Baby Balki gets down on his hands and knees and crawls under the crib as Baby Larry does the same.  Baby Balki comes up on the other side of the crib and finds himself face-to-face with a giant clown-like jack-in-the-box.  Baby Balki screams and hurries away to catch his breath.  Baby Larry gets up and stands by the jack-in-the-box as Baby Balki returns, sighing, "You know, I just never get used to that thing!"  "Will you concentrate for a minute?" Baby Larry cries, "We have to find a way out the window!"  "Letís play patty cake," Baby Balki suggests.  "No, I donít want to play patty cake," Baby Larry moans.

"Well, I canít say I blame you," Baby Balki sighs, "I mean, Ďpatty cake.í  What is that anyway?  And . . . and who is this Ďbakerís man?í  And why does he have to make me a cake as fast as he can?  Whereís the quality in that?  And when he . . . "  "The seesaw," Baby Larry points out, "Perfect!"  They toddle over to the seesaw.  "Oh Cousin . . . oh, I always wanted to play on the seesaw," Baby Balki says happily, "How . . . how does it work?"  Baby Larry sits on the end thatís on the ground and explains and Baby Balki sits on the end thatís in the air.  They teeter in the middle for a moment then Baby Balkiís end drops to the ground, leaving Baby Larry in the air.  "All the funís on your side," Baby Balki complains.  "Stand up," Baby Larry orders.  Baby Balki stands up on his end of the seesaw and looks confused.  "I donít see . . . " Baby Balki begins as he steps off his end.  "No, donít . . . donít . . . donít!" Baby Larry cries but too late.  His end slams down hard to the ground.  He starts to let out a long, loud cry but Baby Balki grabs Baby Larryís thumb and sticks it in Baby Larryís mouth to quiet him.

Baby Balki then pulls Baby Larryís thumb out again for him.  "We are not going to play on the seesaw!" Baby Larry explains, "You are gonna sit on that end, I am gonna climb up on the blocks and jump on the high end, youíll sail through the air, land on the window sill and you can climb out."  "Uh oh," Baby Balki sighs worriedly.  "You donít like the plan," Baby Larry notes.  "No, I . . . I didnít say that," Baby Balki assures him.  "I see it all over your face.  You donít like the plan," Baby Larry repeats.  "Well, itís . . . itís just that I . . . Iím still recovering from that jack-in-the-box thing, I mean . . . look at that thing.  Itís hideous!  A disembodied head and a pair of arms and just a spring for a body?  How does it digest its food?  And then . . . then this.  I donít know . . . flying through the air?  I . . . I might have done that before but now that I know I have two thumbs Iíve got too much to live for."  "All right," Baby Larry sighs as Baby Balki sucks on both of his thumbs, "All right.  Weíll just have to think of something else."  "I know!" Baby Balki suddenly exclaims, "We can take the crib and push it over to the window and climb up on that."

"Naw, itíll never work," Baby Larry scoffs, then after a moment he says, "Iíve got it!  We can take the crib, push it over to the window and we can climb up on that."  "You know, when you say it, it donít sound like such a good idea," Baby Balki notes.  "Oh really?" Baby Larry asks, "Oh really?  Let me ask you something . . . how many nurseries have you escaped from?"  "Oh come on!" Baby Balki sighs.  "Hmm?  How many?  How many?"  "Cousin, Cousin, Cousin . . . "  "How many nurseries have you escaped from?"  "You know, this argument is a lot like diaper rash," Baby Balki notes, "Iíve had it before and I know Iím gonna have it again."  "Come on, just . . . pull on the crib," Baby Larry instructs as he pulls Baby Balki over to the crib.  Baby Balki stops to hug Mr. Bear but Baby Larry pushes the stuffed bear off the table and pushes Balki against the end of the crib.  "Here we go," Baby Larry begins, "On three.  Ready?  One . . . two . . . three."

Baby Larry pulls as Baby Balki pushes the end of the crib.  "All right, one more time.  On three," Baby Larry begins again, "Here we go.  Ready?  One . . . two . . . three."  Again Baby Larry pulls and Baby Balki pushes.  Baby Larry finally notices that Baby Balki is pushing instead of pulling and steps back, saying, "All right, here we go.  One more time, on three.  Ready?  One . . . two . . . three."  Baby Balki pushes the crib with all his might as Baby Larry stands and watches.  When Baby Balki stops pushing, Baby Larry cries, "Pull!"  Baby Balki pulls on Baby Larryís nose, causing Baby Larry to cry, "Ow!"  Baby Larry grabs Baby Balkiís face a squeezes, then they both cry a long, loud cry until they begin to suck their thumbs again.  They pull their thumbs from their mouths and Baby Balki begins, "Cousin, you know, I was thinking . . . "  "No, I do the thinking," Baby Larry corrects.  "Cousin, I . . . "  "I do the thinking," Baby Larry insists, "I . . . I . . . I . . .  Me!  Me!  Me!"  "You know, itís babies like you that give us two-year-olds a bad name," Baby Balki comments.

"All right, one more time.  On three," Baby Larry orders, "This time we push.  Ready?  One . . . two . . . . three."  They both pull on the crib with all their strength.  Outside in the hallway, Larry and Balki approach the door of the nursery.  "You know, Balki, weíre lucky to have such quiet, well-behaved children," Larry comments.  "Yeah, right," Balki agrees, then he asks, "Are you sure we canít go to Disneyland?"  "No," Larry quickly responds.  "Oh," Balki sighs.  There is a loud crashing sound from inside the nursery and Larry opens the door.  He and Balki stand with their mouths open as they look down.  Baby Larry and Baby Balki are trapped underneath the overturned crib.  They look up at their fathers and say simultaneously, "Hi."

The scene oil dissolves back to the kitchen where Balki and Larry are at the table.  "Oh God, Balki, our . . . our children are gonna be j . . . ust like us. I . . . I . . . Iím not ready to have a child," Larry states, "I . . . I couldnít even take care of my pet goldfish.  I . . . I over fed him and he died."  "Winstonís dead?" Balki says in shock, "You told me he went to a petting zoo."  Balki starts to cry.  Larry moves to comfort him but Balki waves him away.  Jennifer walks in through the back door and smiles, "Hi, guys."  She walks over to them and says, "Larry, I have some very exciting news."  Larry smiles and then falls over backwards in a faint.  Balki catches him and explains to Jennifer, "Donít worry, Jennifer,  Cousin Larry will be okay once the baby arrives."  "Baby?" Jennifer asks, "How did Larry know my Cousin Lucille is having a baby?"  Balki pushes Larry back up to a standing position as Larry asks, "Your Cousin Lucille is having a baby?"  "Yes, Larry, sheís due in the spring," Jennifer explains.  "Youíre not having a baby?" Larry asks.  "No . . . no!" Jennifer replies, realizing whatís happening, "Larry, if I were youíd be the second one to know."  Jennifer kisses Larry sweetly and walks into the living room.  "Wonder who sheís planning on telling first?" Balki wonders, causing Larry to also look confused.

Later that night, Larry and Jennifer are lying in bed.  Larry is reading a book when Jennifer cuddles up close to him.  "Larry, are you disappointed the baby is my cousinís and not ours?" Jennifer asks.  "Oh, no no," Larry assures her, "Not at all."  Jennifer looks a little surprised.  "Well, well, maybe a . . . a . . . a little," Larry admits, "You know but Jen, I promise . . . when the time comes Iím gonna learn everything there is to know about fatherhood."  "Oh Larry, youíll make a wonderful father," Jennifer smiles and they kiss.  Larry squeezes Jenniferís hand and then goes back to his book.  Jennifer waits expectantly, then asks, "But arenít you forgetting one very important step towards becoming a father?"  Larry looks at her, then thinks about it.  Jennifer is taken aback as she waits.  Larry finally looks at her and understands.  "Oh!  Oh!  Oh, oh!  Ooh!  Oh!" Larry sets the book on the bedside stand and they begin to kiss.  "Oh, oh," Larry says as he leans over to turn off the light, only he ends up knocking the lamp to the floor and the room goes dark as the episode ends.


Script Variations:
There are a few differences between the shooting script dated December 5, 1991 and the episode which aired:
The beginning of the script is the same as in the show.  The first difference comes after Baby Balki bounces the ball off Larry's head.  Baby Balki comments, "Wow.  That bounces much better than the golf ball, but your eyes don't roll back in your head.  I kind of miss that."  Then Baby Balki says he wants to play with his Bookie cat.
-
After Baby Balki discovers he has two thumbs and comments, "Dessert," he calls to Baby Larry, "Cousin, I have two thumbs.  And you thought you were a big shot with two big toes."  Baby Larry then tells Baby Balki to "Stop acting like a baby."
- In this version of the script, after Baby Balki kicks Baby Larry in the face the first time, Baby Larry was supposed to twist Baby Balki's leg.
- After Baby Balki remarks, "Oh, please.  I wasn't born yesterday," he adds, "although it does seem fairly recent."
- In this script, Baby Larry's first comment about things he wishes is "I wish I was a fireman."
- When Baby Balki first starts talking to Mr. Bear he asks, "Are you a happy bear or a sad bear?"
- After Baby Balki stands up on the seesaw he comments, "This doesn't work at all."
- When Baby Balki talks about the jack-in-the-box he says, "They give it a really cute name, but look at it.  It's hideous."
- The last scene begins differently.  Jennifer and Larry are in bed and Larry is reading.  "Good book, Larry?" Jennifer asks.  "I can't put it down," Larry answers.  "I noticed," Jennifer comments.  There is a knock on the door and Balki enters.  He has several Myposian books under his arm.  "Hello . . . hope I'm not interrupting anything," Balki greets them.  "Not a thing," Jennifer assures him.  "Balki, we're just getting ready to . . . " Larry begins.  Balki gets in bed between Larry and Jennifer.  "Cousin, I've been saving these books for just the right time, but why wait?  They're Myposian child rearing manuals."  "Myposian child rearing manuals?" Larry asks.  "Yes," Balki confirms, "There's 'The Pitter-Patter of Little Sandals,' 'Kids: You Got 'Em, Now What?'  And my personal favorite, 'The Psychological Development of Children in an Agrarian Society.'"  "Well, that's very nice of you, isn't it, Jennifer?" Larry asks.  "Thanks so much, Balki," Jennifer offers.  "They're written in Myposian so I'll have to read them to you," Balki explains, "Let's start with chapter one; 'Raising Free Range Children.'"  "Balki, it's getting late," Larry points out, "Why don't we start this in the morning?"  Larry walks Balki to the door.  "Oh.  Okay," Balki says, "That'll give me time to brush up on some of the child rearing rituals.  I'll need an armadillo."  Balki exits and Larry returns to bed and starts reading again.  The rest of the script is the same.

Continue on to the next episode . . .