Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 137 - Wayne Man

First Air Date: February 29, 1992
Filming Date: January 16, 1992
Nielsen Rating: 5.4 HH

Produced by: Alan Plotkin
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Tom Devanney
Directed by: Judy Pioli

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous / Baby Balki
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton / Baby Larry
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne Spencer
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Appleton

Special Guest Star:
Wayne Newton: Himself

Guest Cast:
Michael Laskin: Dave Miner

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri is not seen in this episode.

Balki-isms:
"Fine!  You do that!  Iím gonna worship from a-close!"
"Oh Cousin, I am the happiest Mypiot dead or alive!"
"Look!  This is the piano where Wayne tinkles on the ivories."

Donít be ridiculous: Said once in this episode (by Wayne Newton!)

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Listen to me!"
"Oh, go on with you!"
"Get out of the city!" (said by Wayne Newton)
"Oh God!"

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Larry is shown as being a poor tipper
Larry gets jealous about Jennifer interacting with another man
Larry answers a question of Balkiís facetiously just to move on
Larry has a plan
Balki wears his Myposian tuxedo
Balki hugs someone instead of shaking hands

Notable Moment: Balki finally gets to meet Wayne Newton face-to-face

Songs:
"Mack the Knife" - sung by Wayne Newton in concert
"Danke Schoen" - sung by Wayne Newton, Larry and Balki under the end credits

Interesting facts:
- The week before this episode aired, a set of I Love Saturday Night spots were run with Balki and Larry hosting.  Even though Perfect Strangers was pre-empted by a Jaleel-White special that night, they did run a short announcement about the show not being on and the upcoming Wayne Newton episode.  You can watch these spots on our YouTube Channel.
-
Wayne Newton had been a running theme on the series since season two, and so it was only naturally that he would eventually appear on the show (he had already made a guest appearance on another Miller / Boyett show, Full House).  As Wayne explained in one interview, it was strange for everyone on the show to have him working with them in person after referring to him for so long on the series.  Wayne Newton has truly earned the nickname "Mr. Las Vegas," and you can visit his official website by clicking here.
- At the beginning of the episode, Larry comments that Las Vegas is "The city where fun never stops."  Apparently heís changed his mind from season two about Vegas being a moral wasteland.  In fact, there is no mention of their previous trip to Las Vegas whatsoever.
- Judging by the establishing shots, the hotel where they are staying appears to be downtown.  They also indicate that Wayne performs and stays at this same hotel.  But at that time, Wayne Newton was most likely performing at the Stardust Hotel, which is on the Strip (an establishing shot of the Stardust is used before Wayne is seen in concert).
- Michael Laskin, who played Wayne Newtonís assistant in this episode, has had a long career in acting, both on stage and in film and television.  Heís appeared in the series Simon & Simon, St. Elsewhere, Dallas, Hunter, Trapper John MD, Highway to Heaven, Hotel, Knotís Landing, Moonlighting, Matlock, Falcon Crest, Doogie Howser M.D., Sisters, NYPD Blue, Daveís World, Melrose Place, Murphy Brown, Seinfeld, Party of Five, Judging Amy, Without a Trace, Medium and Numb3rs.  He also had a recurring roles as Mayor Davis in 21 Jump Street and as Judge Mark London in L.A. Law.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
-
A blooper happened during the party scene in this episode when Balki was bemoaning all the things heís never heard when he thinks heís losing his hearing.  An extra dressed as a waiter was walking behind him with two champagne glasses on a tray and one of the glasses fell and crashed to the floor, prompting Bronson after a moment to reply, "But I did hear that, I gotta say."  You can read these unused lines in the Script Variations below.
- There was a very funny blooper which occurred near the end of this episode, when Balki was being slapped by both Larry and Wayne and complained, "The ring, the ring . . . " referring to Wayne Newtonís large diamond ring.  At that point Wayne took off the ring and tossed it over his shoulder, much to the surprise of Bronson and Mark.  You can watch this blooper for the next two weeks on our Video page.


Synopsis:
The episode begins with an establishing shot of an airplane flying through the sky.  We hear Larryís voice saying, "Weíre almost there, Balki.  Las Vegas, the city where fun never stops."  "More to the point, the city thatís the home of Wayne Newton!" Balki enthuses.  The plane lands on a runway and we then see a shot of the Strip and then downtown Las Vegas.  Inside a hotel room, Larry enters and tells Jennifer, "The luggage should be up in a minute.  When Balki won this Ďall expense paidí trip to Las Vegas did the Ďall expenses paidí include, uh . . . tips for the bellman?"  "I donít think so, Larry," Jennifer replies.  "Anybody got change for a dollar?" Larry asks.  "Larry!" Jennifer exclaims.  Balki enters the room, slowly and silently, moving across the room without saying a word.  "Hi, Balki," Mary Anne offers.  "If anybody needs me, Iíll . . . Iíll be in my room until we go home," Balki says sadly.

"Well, Balki, whatís the matter?" Larry asks.  "The person on-line in front of me got the last two tickets to Wayne Newtonís show," Balki sobs, and he turns around the throws himself across the bed.  "Well, Balki, we can have fun without going to the Wayne Newton show," Larry says.  Balki sits up and stares at Larry incredulously, exclaiming, "Fun without Wayne?  Fun without Wayne?  Cousin, there can be no fun . . . without . . . Wayne."  Balki falls across the bed again and sobs.  "Uh, well . . . I think I . . . I know a way we might get tickets," Jennifer offers.  "Really?" Balki jumps up from the bed hopefully.  "Well, I have a friend who lives here in Las Vegas," Jennifer explains, "and he said any time Iím here if I need tickets to anything just give him a call."  "Oh, you mean Clint," Mary Anne says.  Jennifer nods.  "Clint?" Larry asks.  "An old boyfriend of Jenniferís whoís always calling and telling her to dump the troll," Mary Anne laughs.  Jennifer also laughs, then turns and sees Larry and stops herself.

"Well, um . . . Iíll just go make the call," Jennifer says, and she heads for the telephone.  "Cousin, why you didnít tell me we have a troll?" Balki asks, "Where do you keep him?"  "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!  Oh, wait a minute!  Wait a minute!" Larry cries, running to Jennifer to stop her from dialing, "Oh, oh!  What are we talking about?  Oh!  What was I thinking?  Weíre talking about tickets!  Oh, I can get us tickets."  "You can?" Balki asks.  "Oh sure.  Sure!" Larry insists, "Iím a . . . a reporter with a major metropolitan newspaper.  All I have to do is pick up the phone, tell Ďem who I am, what I want and bingo . . . tickets to Wayne."  "Larry, are you sure youíre not doing this because youíre jealous of Clint?" Jennifer asks.  "Clint who?" Larry asks.  "Clint, the man that knows that you have a troll," Balki reminds him, "Cousin, where do you keep him?"  "Uh, forget Clint . . . " Larry urges.  "When did you get him?" Balki continues.  " . . . believe me Jennifer . . . "  "What . . . what does he look like?"  " . . . the tickets are as good as in my pocket."  "What do you feed him?" Balki asks.  "Troll chow," Larry answers facetiously

Some time later, Larry is on the phone.  "Yeah?  Hello, uh, this is Larry Appleton.  Iím a reporter with the Chicago Chronicle.  Yeah, Iím considering doing a profile piece on Wayne Newton.  Uh, I think it would be a big boost for Wayneís career.  So, if you could leave, uh, four tickets at the front desk, uh, well I could pick them up, uh . . . now."  Larry listens for a moment and responds, "Uh huh . . . uh huh . . . uh huh . . . well, I . . . yes, yes, but I . . . no, no, no, no.  See, you donít understand.  No, you see, because I need these tickets.  I really need the tickets.  If . . . if I donít get these tickets my wife is gonna leave me for some tall guy named Clint!  Hello?  Hello?"  Larry hangs up the phone then chews on his fingers nervously.  Balki enters the room and says, "Cousin, Cousin, come on!  Weíre waiting for you down in the lobby.  We want to get to the Liberace museum early."  "You know, uh, Balki," Larry approaches him carefully, "Iíve been thinking about this, uh, Wayne Newton thing and I . . . I think youíre expectations of Wayne are . . . are too big.  So, what díya say we, uh . . . skip the show and go out to Hoover Dam?  I hear itís beautiful at night."

"Youíre hiding something from me, arenít you?" Balki asks.  "No, no Iím not," Larry smiles as his eyes blink rapidly.  "Youíre nostrils are flaring," Balki notes.  Larry grabs his nose and says, "No, theyíre not."  "Your eyes are twitching," Balki notes.  Larry covers his eyes and insists, "No, theyíre not."  Larryís right foot starts tapping.  "Your foot is tapping," Balki notes.  Larry steps on his right foot with his left and insists, "No, itís not."  "And youíre trying to cover it all up," Balki finishes.  "No, Iím not," Larry insists.  "Cousin, you couldnít get the tickets, could you?" Balki asks.  "Well, it depends on what you mean by couldnít," Larry begins.  Balki flings himself across the bed again and sobs.  Mary Anne and Jennifer enter the room.  "Hurry up, Larry," Mary Anne urges, "They turn off Liberaceís cufflink fountain a half hour before closing.  Balki, whatís wrong?"  Balki looks up but waves them away.  "You couldnít get the tickets, could you?" Jennifer asks, "I better call Clint."  Jennifer heads for the phone and Balki jumps up, urging, "Yes, please, call him!"

Larry chases after them, protesting, "No!  No!  Hey, hey!  No, no, no!  Hey, hey, hey, hey . . . now, now . . . who said that I . . . I couldnít get the tickets?"  Larry hangs up the phone and moves Jennifer back away from the phone stand.  "Come on!" Larry continues, "Come on!  Yeah, in fact they wanted to give me more than I asked for!"  "Cousin, are you sure?" Balki asks.  "Well, of course Iím sure," Larry assures them, "Would I lie?"  "Yes," Jennifer, Balki and Mary Anne all answer immediately.  "All right, yes I would," Larry admits.  Balki flings himself across the bed and cries again.  "But this time I didnít," Larry insists.  "Really?" Balki asks as he jumps up off the bed.  "Yes!"  "Really?"  "Yes!" Larry insists, "All right, now . . . now, what do you say the . . . the three of you just go down, just grab a cab and . . . and Iíll just . . . Iíll get changed and meet you out front."  "Be careful walking through the lobby, Larry," Jennifer warns seriously, "The bellmen hate you." Jennifer leaves.  "Mary Anne, come on," Balki says, "I . . . I want to show you to my special lucky machine.  I win every time!  You donít even have to put in coins.  You just put in your credit card and it pays you money."  Mary Anne gasps and they hurry from the room.

Larry waves them out the door then closes it and rushes to the phone.  He dials and waits for an answer.  "Yeah?  Yes, hello, this is Larry Appleton again.  Uh, did you change your mind about those tickets?  Okay, all right . . . all right, I . . . I didnít want to tell you this before but youíve . . . youíve left me no choice.  You see, the . . . the tickets are for my cousin, and, uh . . . and well . . . well, he . . . well, heís going deaf.  And, uh . . . his . . . his only wish was to hear Wayne Newton sing in person before he lost his hearing."  Larry sobs as he speaks, really laying it on thick.  "And, I . . . I . . . I brought him to Las Vegas to . . . to fulfill a lifelong dream."  Larry breathes in dramatically, as if choking back sobs.  "Now is that asking for so much?" Larry finishes.  He waits a moment for a reply then says quickly and much less emotionally, "Four would be great.  Thank you.  Iíll be right down."  Larry hangs up the phone and laughs as he runs to the door, then after opening the door he regains his composure and walks out of the room calmly as the scene fades to black.

Act two begins with an establishing shot of the Las Vegas strip and Wayne Newton singing "Mack the Knife" in concert.  Back in the hotel, Larry opens the door to his room and Balki, who is wearing his Myposian tuxedo, bounds in and leaps onto the bed, shouting, "It was more wonderful than I dreamed it would be!"  He bounces back up and says, "Cousin, I clapped so hard . . . I think I dislocated my palms."  "Well, I gotta admit he put on a heck of a show," Larry agrees.  There is a knock at the door and Larry answers it.  A man enters and asks, "Hi, uh . . . Mr. Appleton?"  "Yes, thatís me," Larry confirms.  "How do you do?" the man asks as he shakes hands with Larry and steps inside the room, "Iím Dave Miner.  Iím an assistant to Wayne Newton."  "Oh!  Oh!" Larry says, "Very nice to meet you. Uh, this is my cousin, Balki Bartokomous."  Balki steps forward and hugs Dave, then asks, "You . . . you . . . you know Wayne?"  "Yes, I do," Mr. Miner confirms, "Now, Mr. Newton would like to . . . "

"Is it . . . is it the kind of thing where . . . where he might even say ĎHey, Dave, letís you and me go grab a Grand Slam at Dennyís?í" Balki asks.  "Well, Iím not exactly sure . . . " Dave begins.  "Have you . . . have you ever . . . have you ever hugged Wayne?" Balki asks.  "Well, yes, in a . . . in a, you know, a manly, buddy sort of way," Dave confirms.  "I just hugged someone who has . . . who has hugged Wayne?" Balki exclaims, "I hugged someone who has hugged Wayne!"  "Balki, uh . . . why donít we let Dave tell us what Wayne wants?" Larry suggests.  "Now Wayne . . . " Dave begins.  "You call him Wayne?" Balki asks.  "Yeah," Dave nods, then he continues to Larry, "Wayne would, uh . . . would like to invite you and your cousin Balki to a little reception heís having in his suite right now.  Heís, uh, very anxious to meet this special person."  "Oh, w . . . w . . . well, thatís, uh, a really a very wonderful offer and, uh, weíd like you to thank Mr. Newton for us, uh, but . . . we canít make it," Larry says, shaking Daveís hand.  Balki stands stunned, then walks over to them and shouts, "What are you talking about?!?"  Balki tells Dave, "Weíll be there!"

"No, we wonít," Larry contradicts.  "What are you talking about?" Balki cries again, "We wonít be there?  Weíre going!  Are you out of your mind?  Are you . . . ?"  Larry places a hand over Balkiís mouth to try to get him to be quiet.  "Would you excuse us for just a moment?" Larry asks Dave.  "Sure," a confused Dave smiles.  Larry takes Balki aside and says, "Listen to me . . . listen to me . . . listen to me . . . you are not thinking this through."  "What are you thinking of?" Balki cries, "What are you talking about?  What could possibly possess you to try to crush the biggest dream of my life?"  "Balki, you know . . . you know, sometimes it is better to worship from afar," Larry notes.  "Fine!  You do that!" Balki suggests, "Iím gonna worship from a-close!  Come on!"  Balki runs past Dave to the door to leave.  "Come on!  Letís go!"  Larry steps in Balkiís way and blocks the door.  "All right, all right, all right," Larry agrees, "Weíll go."  "Great," Dave says, "Follow me."  Larry opens the door for Dave, who walks out.  "Ah!  Oh Cousin, I am the happiest Mypiot dead or alive!  Oh!  Oh!" Balki says happily, and he bounces out the door with Larry exiting behind him.

In a large penthouse suite a party is going on.  Many people are standing and sitting in the two-level living room, enjoying food and drinks.  Dave enters with Balki and Larry following.  "Cousin, Cousin, look!" Balki says, indicating a couch where a man and woman are sitting, "This is the couch where Wayne sits!"  Balki then runs to a piano on an upper part of the room and cries, "Cousin, look!  Look!  This is the piano where Wayne tinkles on the ivories."  Balki then spots a vase of roses on the coffee table in front of the couch and runs back, exclaims, "Red roses!  Red roses!"  He looks at the woman sitting on the couch and deduces, "You must be the blue lady.  Cheer up, theyíre for you!"  Larry pulls Balki away.  Wayne Newton enters the room and stands, smiling at everyone.  Balki falls over backwards in a dead faint.  Larry pulls Balki back to his feet and says, "All right.  Thatís it!  You are over-excited.  Weíre outta here!"  Larry turns Balki around and starts to push him to the door, but Balki protests, "Cousin, I . . . I saw him.  He look at me!  But I . . . I was just a little overwhelmed but Iím fine now."

"Oh, you are?" Larry asks.  "Iím fine now," Balki insists.  "Okay, all right, how many fingers am I holding up?" Larry asks, holding up his pinky and index fingers but wiggling the index finger up and down to confuse Balki.  Dave steps to them and says, "Uh, gentlemen?  Wayne would like to meet you now."  Seeing no way around it, Larry takes Balki by the hand and they follow Dave over to Wayne Newton.  "Wayne, these are the gentlemen I told you about," Dave explains, "This is Larry Appleton."  "Nice to meet you, Larry," Wayne says, shaking Larryís hand.  "Very nice to meet you," Larry smiles.  "And this is Balki Bartokomous," Dave introduces, then he walks away.  Wayne holds his hand out to Balki and Balki falls over backwards in a dead faint again.  "He skipped lunch," Larry explains, and he and Wayne help Balki up off the floor.  "Thank you," Balki says to Larry, then Larry turns him to face Wayne.  "Balki!" Wayne speaks in an extra loud voice, "Itís so nice to meet you!  Youíre such an incredible young man!"  Wayne holds his hand out to shake.

After a second, Balki hugs Wayne and cries, "Wayne!  Wayne!  Wayne!"  Dave motions to Wayne from the other side of the room and calls, "Wayne?  Wayne, the photographerís ready."  "Iíll be right back, Balki!  Honest!" Wayne shouts, and he turns to walk away but Balki is still clinging to him, "Iím coming . . . Iím coming right back."  Wayne drags Balki across the room where Balki finally lets go.  "Daddy, donít you walk so fast," Balki jokes.  "All right," Larry interrupts, running over and pulling Balki away.  "Cousin!  Cousin!  Cousin!  Isnít he wonderful?  Isnít he terrific?  Why is he yelling at me?" Balki asks.  "Uh, why . . . why is Wayne yelling at you?" Larry scrambles for an answer, "Why is Wayne yelling at you?"  "Yeah."  "Why is Wayne yelling at you?" Larry says to himself, then he answers, "Well, well, well . . . uh, you know, uh . . . probably, uh, you know singing and in front of a large orchestra all those years has, uh . . . has, uh, made him a little hard of, uh . . . hearing.  Yeah . . . thatís it."  "Poor man," Balki sighs.  Wayne Newton returns and stands in front of them.

"Balki, Iím so sorry that we were interrupted here," Wayne apologizes loudly.  "Wayne!" Balki shouts, "Iíve waited all my life to meet you!  I . . . I have been a fan of yours since I was knee-high to a yak pup and my mother was practically raised on your music!  To me there is no other singer!"  "Thank you, Balki!" Wayne shouts back, "Itís fans like you that make it all worthwhile!"  "Oh, go on with you!" Balki shouts, giving Wayne a shove.  "No, Iím serious!" Wayne replies.  "Oh, go one with you!"  "No, Iím telling the truth!"  "Oh, go . . . !" Balki advances again but Larry stops him and pushes his arm behind his back.  "Balki, I just want you to know how honored I am that you chose my show to be the last show that you hear before you lose your hearing," Wayne smiles.  Balki stares at him in confusion, then asks, "What?"  "I want you to know how honored I am that you chose my show to be the last show that you hear before you lose your hearing!" Wayne shouts.  Balki looks even more confused and shouts, "What?!"  Wayne leans toward Larry and comments, "Itís going fast."  Larry nods in agreement.

"Iím glad he caught the early show," Wayne adds, then he continues, "Youíre a very brave young man."  Wayne smiles at Balki, then he tells Larry, "He blessed to have you."  "Uh, yes he is," Larry agrees as Wayne walks away.  Balki stands in complete confusion, then realization slowly comes over him and he turns to eye Larry in an accusing manner.  "What have you done?" Balki demands angrily.  "I told Wayne you were going deaf," Larry admits.  Balki looks devastated and asks, "Why didnít you tell me sooner?"  He sits on the couch and sobs.  Larry finally sits beside him and begins, "Balki . . . I wanted to tell you sooner, but I . . . "  Balki starts to cry and Larry quickly says, "Oh no.  All right, all right, all right.  No, no, no, Balki . . . Balki, youíre not going deaf."  "What?" Balki asks.  "Youíre not going deaf," Larry repeats.  "What?" Balki asks again.  "I made it up," Larry admits, "Just . . . I . . . I . . . thatís what I told Wayneís people so that I could get tickets to the show."

Balki tries to grasp this as he asks, "You . . . you lied to Wayne?  Is nothing sacred to you?"  "Balki, you feel great Ďcause you got to meet Wayne . . . Wayne feels great Ďcause he helped you.  Thereís no harm done," Larry points out.  "No harm done?" Balki asks incredulously, "Cousin, you . . . you took the . . . the most thrilling moment of my life and you tarnished it with a lie."  Wayne stands in the upper part of the room and calls, "Could I please have your attention?  Could I please have your attention?  We have someone very special here tonight."  Balki turns to look at Wayne and Wayne shouts for his benefit, "We have someone very special here tonight . . . "  Balki drops his head in shame.  " . . . that I would like you all to meet.  It isnít very often in my lifetime that Iíve seen this kind of courage.  Would you please give a big round of applause . . . "

"Wait a minute . . . wait a minute," Larry interrupts, getting to his feet, "I . . . I canít let you go through with this.  The . . . the man youíre about to introduce is not what he appears to be and . . . and itís not his fault.  Itís mine.  I made the whole thing up so he could get tickets to the show.  And Iíve ruined this entire evening for someone who . . . who means a lot to me and I . . . and Iím . . . Iím sorry."  Balki clutches Larryís arm in support.  Wayne Newton steps down into the sunken part of the room and approaches an elderly man in a World War I military uniform.  "You should be ashamed of yourself for impersonating a war hero," Wayne scolds, then he tells Dave, "Escort him out."  Dave starts to lead the old man from the room when Larry says, "All right, not him!  Not him!  I . . . I . . . I . . . I lied about Balkiís hearing problem.  Although I canít vouch for the old guy."  Wayne approaches them as Larry says, "Balki, I . . . I am . . . I am so sorry.  Can you . . . can you ever forgive me?"  "Yes, Cousin, I can forgive you but I just donít wanna be seen talking to you right now," Balki says, averting his eyes from Wayne and running from the suite.  Wayne eyes Larry warily.

The next day in the hotel room, Larry apologizes, "Balki, I am so sorry about last night.  I mean, your . . . your whole life youíve dreamed of meeting Wayne and . . . and I ruined it."  "No, you didnít ruin it, Cousin," Balki assures him, "Come on.  Really . . . I met him.  It was wonderful . . . wonderful."  There is a knock at the slightly open door and Wayne leans inside.  "Hi, guys," he greets them and then he enters the room.  Balki falls backwards in a dead faint on the bed.  "Iíll get him," Larry tells Wayne, then adds, "He skipped breakfast."  Larry pulls Balki up off the bed and stands him in front of Wayne.  "Wayne?" Balki smiles, "Wayne . . . Wayne Newton is . . . is standing in . . . in the room with me."  "I . . . I guess you came up here to throw us out," Larry sighs.  "Well, of course not.  Donít be ridiculous," Wayne scoffs.  Larry and Balki look at each other with surprise.  "Actually, I was thinking and it finally dawned on me that youíre the Balki thatís been writing me every week for the last fifteen years, arenít you?"  "Yes," Balki answers.  "Howís Mama?" Wayne asks.  "Oh, sheís great!  Sheís great!" Balki reports, "You remember I wrote to you and I told you that she was going back to school?"  "Yes," Wayne nods.  "Well, she aced her midterms and she made the cheerleading squad!"  "Get out of the city!" Wayne exclaims.  "Yes!" Balki smiles.

"And youíre Cousin Larry, huh?" Wayne speculates, "Well, I must admit that youíve lived up to everything that Balkiís written about you."  "Well, thank you, Wayne," Larry smiles with embarrassment, then he asks, "May I call you Wayne?"  "No," Wayne answers.  "I . . . I understand," Larry sighs.  Wayne laughs and says, "Lighten up, Larry.  I was just kidding.  He does get tense, doesnít he?"  "Oh yeah," Balki confirms, "Heís quite, quite tense."  "Actually, the reason I came here was to invite you guys back to the show as my guests tonight, Ďcause I want to do a very special song for you, Balki," Wayne explains.  "You . . . want to do a song for me?" Balki asks in awe.  "Yes," Wayne nods.  "What song is it?" Balki asks.  "Well, I canít tell you.  Itís a surprise," Wayne smiles.  "Oh, please tell me!" Balki begs.  "Itís a surprise," Wayne insists.  "Is it 'C. C. Rider?'" Balki asks.  "Youíll hear it tonight."  "'Hungry Years?'"  "A surprise."  "'Moon River?'" "Andy Williams," Wayne corrects.  "Oh God!  Oh God!  Oh God!" Balki gasps, turning to Larry and covering his mouth.  Larry motions for Balki to go back to Wayne.  "Will you . . . please tell me what it is?" Balki begs, "Please, I . . . I canít wait!  I canít stand it!  Iím gonna explode if you donít tell me what it is!"

"Okay, 'Danke Schoen,'" Wayne finally answers.  Balki faints and Larry and Wayne catch him and start slapping his face to bring him around.  "Ow!  Ow!  Ow!  Ow!  The ring!  The ring!" Balki complains, referring to the large ring Wayne is wearing.  Wayne pulls his hand away and Balki gets a look at the large stone and grabs his temples to steady himself.  "You know, I just had the most beautiful dream that . . . that . . . that you say that you were going to . . . to sing 'Danke Schoen' for me," Balki smiles.  "I am," Wayne confirms.  "Oh!  Oh!  Oh!  Oh!" Balki exclaims, leaping in the air and jumping into the hallway with joy.  "Listen, Wayne, I . . . I . . . Iím sorry about all the lying," Larry apologizes.  "Well, donít worry about it, Larry," Wayne says, "I was thinking about it and I was really kind of touched that you went to all that trouble to get tickets to the show.  See you later, huh?"  Wayne turns to leave and Balki launches through the doorway in a leap, crying, "Oh!  Oh!" and hugging Wayne and holding onto him with his arms and legs.  Wayne turns and shrugs with Balki still holding on.

Under the credits is some very cute footage of Larry and Balki singing 'Danke Schoen' along with Wayne Newton.  Included are the little motions Balki and Larry first did when they sang the song in the second season episode Babes in Babylon.


Script Variations:
There are quite a few differences between the shooting script dated January 16, 1992 and the final episode:
scriptwayneman.jpg (180026 bytes)
According to the production schedule, both CNN and Entertainment Tonight were to be on the set to report on Wayne Newton's appearance.
- An opening scene "A" was omitted from the script.
- The episode began with Mary Anne and Jennifer entering the hotel room first.  "I still don't understand why everyone yelled at me like that," Mary Anne complains, "They're the ones who told me to put the money on a number."  "Mary Anne, you're supposed to put it on the numbers that are on the table," Jennifer explains, "Not on the roulette wheel while it's spinning."  "Where's the fun in that?" Mary Anne asks.
- After Larry says that he can pick up the phone and tell Wayne's people who he is and bingo, tickets to Wayne, Balki says, "Well, given a choice, I'd skip bingo and go straight to Wayne."
- As Larry is trying to argue his case on the phone with Wayne's people he says, "Well, I'm sure there are no tickets left for the general public, but I . . . " before he starts to say how he needs the tickets.
- After Balki enters and says they want to get to the Liberace Museum early he adds, "His manicurist is signing copies of her book."
- At the start of Act Two, it's Balki, Larry, Jennifer and Mary Anne who enter the hotel room after coming back from Wayne's show.  "It was better than I ever dreamed it would be," Balki says happily, "I clapped so hard I think I dislocated my palms."  Balki takes a table placard out of his pocket and looks at it.  "We sat at table number six," he smiles, "I'm going to take a picture of this and send it to Mama."  "It was quite a show," Larry agrees, "Could Clint have gotten us seats at table number six?"  "Well, no, actually table number two is his regular table, but six was fine," Jennifer comments.  "Jennifer, we have to go," Mary Anne says, "I entered us in the video poker tournament."  "That sounds like fun," Jennifer says, "We'll meet you guys in the casino later."  Jennifer and Mary Anne start out.  "Now, video poker . . . is that anything like Pac Man?" Mary Anne asks.  "Give me your money," Jennifer insists as they exit.  "Cousin, that was the best gift anyone could ever give," Balki gushes, "The gift of Wayne.  Didn't you love it when he sang 'Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast?'  You'd have to be made of stone not to cry."  This is when Larry admits that Wayne put on a good show.
- After finding out that Dave knows Wayne Newton, Balki first asks, "You mean if you walked by Wayne, he would say, 'Hi, Dave?'"  "I suppose he would," Dave replies.  After realizing he's just hugged someone who's hugged Wayne, Balki adds, "I'll never wash my chest again."
- After Larry says they won't go to meet Wayne and Balki asks why Larry would want to crush his dream, Larry explains, "Because I once met my childhood hero and it was a terrible disappointment," before suggesting Balki worship from afar.  As they are leaving the room and Balki says he's the happiest Mypiot dead or alive, Larry says, "It was Soupy Sales.  I was crushed when I found out he didn't throw his own pies."
- After Balki tells the blue lady the red roses are for her, Larry says about the suite, "Alright, we've seen it.  Let's go."  Balki freezes and says, "Cousin."  "What is it?" Larry asks.  "Cousin, he's near.  I feel it," Balki predicts.  his is when Wayne enters the room.  Balki originally was to gasp, "Cousin . . . Cousin . . . Cousin . . . " before fainting.
- When Balki is telling Wayne how much he loves him he also includes, "I have every one of your records."
- After Larry admits to Balki that he told Wayne that Balki was going deaf, Balki is shocked and sits down to say, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?  There's so much I haven't heard.  I've never heard the sound of a rocket taking off for outer space.  I've never heard the sound of the rain forest.  And I've never heard one single breeze whisper Louise."
- After Balki runs from the room and Wayne stares at Larry, Larry says, "I'll escort myself out," and also leaves.
- At the beginning of the last scene, Balki enters Larry's room and says, "Come on, Cousin, we have to meet Jennifer and Mary Anne down in the coffee shop."  Then Larry apologizes to Balki about ruining his meeting with Wayne.  Balki tells Larry he didn't ruin it and that it was wonderful, then adds, "Although my fantasy of going rollerskating with him is out of the question."
- After Balki gushes that Wayne Newton is in the same hotel room with him, he adds, "Wayne Netwon, standing on the same carpeting as me.  The minute he leaves, we're ripping it up and taking it home."
- After Wayne tells Larry he was touched that Larry went to so much trouble to get tickets, he says, "Well, I've got to run."  Balki then runs in and jumps on Wayne and hangs on.  Larry pulls Balki off Wayne.  "I'll see you guys tonight," Wayne tells them, then he adds to Larry, "Get some food into him before the show."  Wayne exits and Balki says, "Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy."  Larry and Balki look at each other, shrug, then do the Dance of Joy.

Continue on to the next episode . . .