Strangers Episode Guide
141 - . . . Or Get Off the Pot
First Air Date:
April 4, 1992
Filming Date: January 24, 1992
Nielsen Rating: 6.4 HH
Produced by: Alan
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Terry Hart
Directed by: Judy Pioli
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne Spencer
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri can be seen in many of the kitchen scenes in this
episode, as Balki picks up him and talks directly to him about many of the key
"But in this turbulent sea of emotion you and I can only be two ships that
go bump in the night."
" . . . all of a sudden she gets all hot and buttered."
ridiculous: Not said in this episode.
used in this episode:
"Listen to me!"
"What are you talking about?"
Other running jokes
used in this episode:
Mary Anne hints about marriage but Balki doesnít get it
The marriage-hint issue leads to the break up of Balki and Mary Anne and Mary
Anne moves out of the house
- The title derives from the expression "Piss or get off the
pot," which loosely refers to the chamber pots which were often used before
the invention of indoor plumbing.
- Throughout season seven, Mary Anne has been
hinting to Balki about getting married, and repeatedly Balki missed the
references. This running joke finally culminates in this episode, which
leads to the break up of Balki and Mary Anne. This was the first part of a
four part storyline which would build to a climax that would end season seven.
- Slowly more and more adult humor crept into the
show, which was now airing at a later time (9:00 p.m. and 9:30 p.m. throughout
the season). With Larry and Jennifer married, very subtle sex jokes could
now be incorporated without seeming crass or tasteless.
The episode begins one day at the house. Balki is in the kitchen when Larry
enters through the back door followed by Mary Anne and Jennifer. Mary Anne
is carrying a gift bag. "Well, look what I found in the white zone at
the airport," Larry comments. Mary Anne hurries to Balki, who picks
her up in a hug and smiles, "Welcome home! Oh!" "Oh,
itís so good to be home," Jennifer sighs. "Well, Jennifer, you
look exhausted," Larry notes. Jennifer is surprised by this
comment. "Why donít we, uh, go upstairs and . . . take a nap,"
Larry suggests. "Larry, I . . . Iím not sleepy," Jennifer
says. "Yeah but, Jennifer . . . you know, every time you come back
from a long trip we . . . take a nap," Larry says, moving his head to
suggest he means more. "Oh! Oh, a nap!" Jennifer gets it,
"Well, Iím a little hungry. Why donít we have lunch
first?" "Youíre in luck," Balki tells her, "I have
plenty of cold yak loaf." Balki runs to the refrigerator to get it
and Mary Anne follows him.
"Jennifer, itís been two weeks
since Iíve had a nap," Larry points out, "I mean, if I were any
sleepier . . . Iíd explode." "Well, all right," Jennifer
agrees. Jennifer and Larry leave the kitchen and as they walk out Jennifer
sighs, "I should have eaten on the plane." Balki is standing at
the counter with a slab of green yak loaf on a plate in front of him, ready to
slice it. "Oh great," Balki sighs, "She prefers airline
food over my yak loaf." "I love your yak loaf," Mary Anne
tells him. "Well, if nobody cares about my yak loaf Iím just gonna
put it away," Balki sighs, and he picks up the plate to take it back to the
refrigerator. "Balki . . . Balki . . . hello?" Mary Anne says as
she grabs the back of his suspenders and pulls him back to her. "Oh,
Iím sorry," Balki apologizes, "I, uh . . . my mind was somewhere
else, my little gravy boat." Balki motions to the kitchen table and
tells her, "Come, sit down . . . sit down. I want to hear all about
your trip." They sit at the table.
"How was San Francisco, Honolulu,
Tahiti, Sydney, Auckland, Sydney, Tahiti, Honolulu and San Francisco?"
Balki asks. "Fine," Mary Anne answers, and then she reaches into
the gift bag she is holding, explaining, "I brought you a present from
Tahiti." She pulls out a small carved figure and hands it to Balki.
"Oh!" Balki smiles, "This is the biggest gummy bear I have ever
seen!" Balki starts to bite on it. "Balki . . . Balki,"
Mary Anne stops him, taking back the figure, "Itís not a gummy
bear. Itís a Polynesian marriage god. The legend says if you give
it to someone youíll be married to them by the next full moon."
Mary Anne smiles at Balki knowingly. "This is gonna come in handy in
case I ever meet anyone I want to marry," Balki smiles. Mary Anne
turns and buries her face in her hands in exasperation.
In their bedroom, Jennifer and Larry are
kissing and getting passionate. Larry swings around and backs up to the
bed with Jennifer leaning over him. Suddenly Jennifer pulls away and
sighs, "Iím worried about Mary Anne." Larry is left lying on
the bed with his arms outstretched. "Larry, all she talked about on
this trip was Balki," Jennifer continues, "She really wants to marry
him but he just doesnít get it." Larry is still lying on his back,
his arms reaching out. He lets his arms drop and then gets up.
"W . . . w . . . isnít . . . isnít this something we could talk about
later?" Larry asks. "Mmm . . . later is good," Jennifer
agrees. They start to kiss again and Larry begins to sit back on the bed
when Jennifer pulls away and sighs, "Oh, later is no good."
Jennifer sits on the end of the bed and Larry moves to kneel down in front of
her. "All right, all right," Larry says, "Look, youíre
right. Youíre right. But this is not a . . . a new problem.
I mean, Mary Anne has wanted Balki to marry her for a long time."
"Itís much worse now," Jennifer says, "Itís gotten to the
point where every time sheís a woman with a wedding ring on she breaks
"W . . . w . . . well, donít
worry," Larry says, "Theyíll work it out." After a moment
Jennifer agrees, "Yeah, theyíll work it out." She and Larry
start to kiss again and lean back on the bed, but Jennifer suddenly stops and
rolls away, crying, "Oh, thereís no way they can work it out.
Larry, this is really upsetting to me and you know I canít . . . nap when Iím
upset." "Okay, all right, all right, all right," Larry
says, "All right, all right, Iíll tell you what Iím gonna do, all
right? Iím gonna do downstairs and . . . and talk to Balki and . . . and
tell him that Mary Anne wants him to propose. Then Iím gonna come back
and weíll take a nap." Larry leans over and kisses Jennifer.
"Maybe two," Larry amends, and he starts to leave. "Larry,
you canít do that!" Jennifer says. "Oh, sure I can,"
Larry assures her, "Itís been two weeks." "What I mean is
a woman wants a man to propose because heís in love, not because someone told
him to," Jennifer explains, "I want you to go talk to Balki, get him
to realize how much he loves Mary Anne, how much she loves him and how perfect
they are for each other. But donít use any of those words."
The scene flips to a short time later when
Larry is sitting at the kitchen table with Balki. "There is a certain
woman who is interested in you," Larry begins. Balki makes a
flattered face. "In a romantic way," Larry adds. Balki
makes another face. "Apparently you have not realized it.
Realize it . . . take care of it . . . see you later." Larry runs out
of the kitchen. Balki sits alone, thinking, then wonders, "Who could
that possibly be?" Larry pops back in and asks in disbelief,
"Who could that possibly be?" Balki ducks down, covering the
back of his head as Larry races back to him and sits down, crying, "Who
could that possibly be? Balki, open your eyes!" Balki opens his
eyes wide. "No, no," Larry sighs, "I mean it is
obvious." "Who is it?" Balki asks. "I canít
tell you her name," Larry says. "Oh, this is a game," Balki
smiles, "Is she living or dead?"
"Balki, this is a woman who is always
making excuses to be with you," Larry explains, "Huh? If youíre
in another room she finds some lame reason to go in there. Sheís always
asking for your help." Balki continues to stare at Larry in a
clueless fashion. "Sheís blonde," Larry tries, then, "She
lives in this house." "Give me a hint," Balki asks.
"She is in love with you," Larry says, "Please, take care of it
because it is starting to affect my marriage." Balki looks shocked
and embarrassed. "I . . . I . . . I had no idea. Iím . . . Iím
so sorry!" Balki offers. "Donít worry about it," Larry
insists, "Just talk to her." "What will I say?" Balki
asks. "Just tell her how you feel about her," Larry
suggests. "Okay," Balki says. "Everything will be
fine," Larry smiles. "I sure hope so," Balki winks.
Larry pats Balkiís shoulder and runs from the kitchen again. Balki looks
to Dimitri, who is standing on the kitchen table, and says, "Dimitri, did
you hear that? Jennifer is in love with me."
Larry is heading up the stairs when he
runs past Jennifer, who is coming down. Larry stops and says, "Oh,
Jennifer! Good news. I talked to Balki. Everything is
fine." "Oh great!" Jennifer smiles. Larry starts up
the stairs again, holding Jenniferís hand, but Jennifer continues down.
"Where are you going?" Larry asks, still holding onto Jenniferís
hand. "You were subtle, werenít you?" Jennifer asks.
"He never knew what hit him," Larry assures her. Jennifer sighs
with relief and then starts for the kitchen. Larry pulls her back by the
hand to the railing and then reaches down to lift her off the ground.
"Why are you going downstairs?" he asks. "Well, I . . . I .
. . I have to go fold the laundry," Jennifer explains. "W . . .
well but . . . but . . . but you told me to hurry . . . " He kisses
Jenniferís cheek. " . . . and I did, I hurried . . . "
He kisses her cheek again. " . . . and . . . and shouldnít we hurry
upstairs?" "Well, I canít," Jennifer sighs, "Iím
still a little tense. I need to be relaxed to take a nap and folding
laundry helps me do that."
Larry drops Jennifer, who lands roughly on
her feet. "Okay, okay," Larry sighs, "Itís a little
weird. But it worked on our honeymoon." Jennifer leans upward
and Larry leans downward over the railing and they kiss again. As Jennifer
walks to the kitchen Larry says after her, "Fold . . . fold
away." Balki is sitting on the chair at the kitchen table holding
Dimitri when Jennifer walks in. He stands up and backs away from her as
she approaches. "Hi, Balki," Jennifer smiles. "Hi . .
. hi, Jennifer," Balki says, putting the counter between himself and her,
"How are you? What are you doing down here in the kitchen . . . alone
with me?" "I was just gonna fold the laundry," Jennifer
explains, and she walks around and into the pantry. Balki looks down at
Dimitri and says, "Whatever you do, donít leave me alone with
her." Balki turns and starts to open the back door to leave when
Jennifer returns, carrying a full laundry basket.
"Balki," Jennifer calls,
stopping him. "Yeah?" Balki asks. "Would you give me
a hand with this?" she asks, indicating the basket which she carries to the
kitchen table. Balki sets Dimitri on the counter and sighs, "Look . .
. look, Jennifer . . . I donít think this is a good idea for either one of
us." "I need you," Jennifer states as she pulls clothes and
towels from the basket. Balki starts to help her when Jennifer begins,
"So, uh . . . did, uh . . . Larry talk with you?" "Yeah . .
. . yeah," Balki nods, sloppily folding the towel heís holding, "He
did." "And do you understand everything?" Jennifer
asks. "Yeah . . . yeah, I think I do," Balki answers, looking
concerned. "I . . . I would have said something to you earlier but I
just didnít feel comfortable talking to you about it," Jennifer
admits. "Well, I can understand that," Balki says.
"It just seemed better to have Larry tell you," Jennifer says.
"Yeah," Balki nods, "Yeah, that takes the pressure off of you but
how you think Cousin Larry feels about this?"
"Oh, heís all for it,"
Jennifer assures Balki. Balki looks shocked and drops the towel he has
messily folded, gasping, "Heís all for it?" Jennifer hands
Balki two corners of a towel and instructs, "Here, grab the
ends." She works to find the other end of the towel as she explains,
"Yeah, well, Larryís always said that if two people are in love then
nothing should stand in their way." She finds her end corners and
holds them up, then tells Balki, "Come to me." Balkiís
eyebrows raise. Jennifer steps to Balki and matches his corners with hers
as she says, "Now that you know everything, donít you think you should
make your move?" Balki suddenly throws the towel over Jenniferís
head and cries, "Jennifer, Jennifer, please! Please, look . . . look
. . . now listen to me . . . " Jennifer pulls the towel off.
"Listen to me," Balki continues, "I know you have your heart set
on things being different . . . " "I do! I do with all my
heart!" Jennifer confirms.
"Oh god!" Balki cries, "But
in this turbulent sea of emotions you and I can only be two ships that go bump
in the night. Okay? You are anchored at Appleton Harbor and I . . .
am . . . what I am, okay? And thatís all that I am. Iím Balki
the sailor man . . . toot, toot." Balki does a Popeye laugh, then
mouths silently, "What am I talking about?" "What the hell
are you talking about?" Jennifer asks. "Oh, I knew it,"
Balki sighs, "This is killing you. Jennifer, look, we have got to
stop this before innocent people get hurt. What do ya . . . what do ya
think youíre the first married woman to ever go goo-goo over me? Stop
it! Just stop it! Donít kid yourself, baby." Jennifer
starts to understand what is going on and tries to begin, "Balki . . .
" "Look, look, look," Balki holds up his hand, "I . .
. I . . . I donít often speak about this because itís one of the reasons I
had to leave Mypos but . . . Stavros is on the other side of the island and you
innocently offer to milk his wifeís goat and . . . all of a sudden she gets
all hot and buttered."
Jennifer walks over to Balki and places a
hand on his back, saying, "Balki . . . " "No . . . no,
Katarina! Itís wrong!" Balki cries out, the he turns to look at
Jennifer. "Balki, we need to clear up a big misunderstanding!"
Jennifer insists. "Thatís right," Balki agrees, then he
motions for Jennifer to back away and orders, "Now you go back!
Back! Back! Back! Back! Back up against the stove!
Thereís only one thing that you have to understand." "Balki .
. . " "And that is that even though you have feelings for me
your place is with your man!" "Balki, please . . . please . . .
please . . . " Jennifer tries to get through to him. "Donít
beg," Balki says, "Itís just not gonna happen, baby. You go
back to Cousin Larry, you forget me and the power I have over you. And donít
you ever speak of this again." Balki points to the stairs in the
living room. "Oh, believe me, I wonít," Jennifer says calmly,
and she turns to leave the kitchen, shouting angrily, "Larry!"
Up in the bedroom, Larry has turned down
the bed and is dressed in his pajamas and robe. He poses with one foot on
a chair as Jennifer storms in. "Larry, you are an idiot!"
Jennifer snarls. "Oh good," Larry says excitedly, "Weíre
gonna play strict schoolmarm and naughty student again!" Larry runs
over to a wooden chair by a desk and sits down like a waiting child.
"Teach me!" he gasps happily. "No," Jennifer says as
she walks over to Larry, "I mean youíre really an
idiot!" Larry looks even more excited. "You completely
botched your conversation with Balki!" Jennifer informs him, "He
thought I wanted to marry him!" Larry looks confused and
stands up, asking, "Balki thought you wanted to marry
him?" Jennifer nods. "You remember last summer, when Balki
and I were out on a lake alone in the rowboat?" Larry asks, "I should
have killed him then." "Larry, you have to go talk to him
again," Jennifer says. "Jennifer, I would love to see Balki and
Mary Anne get married, but we canít force it," Larry says, "I know
how women think. Mary Anne has waited this long. If she has to she
will wait a lot longer." Mary Anne storms into the room and
announces, "I canít wait any longer! Balkiís never gonna ask me
to marry him so Iím moving out." On Jennifer and Larryís shocked
expressions the scene fades to black.
Act two begins a short time later when
Larry runs into the kitchen where Balki is standing at the counter with Dimitri.
"Balki . . . " Larry begins. "Cousin, look," Balki
interrupts, "I want you to know I talked to Jennifer and . . . and that
everythingís fine. But I really want you to know that I did nothing to
reduce her to a quivering mass of desire." "And I appreciate
that," Larry humors him, "Thank you." Larry takes Balki to
the kitchen table to sit again and says, "But as long as weíre here, why
donít we talk about another problem?" "Cousin, another dirty
little problem like the last one and we could end up on Sally Jesse
Raphael," Balki warns. "Listen to me," Larry demands Balkiís
attention, "Listen to me. There is a woman . . . who lives in this
house . . . not Jennifer . . . " Balki stares at his blankly.
"Not Jennifer," Larry repeats, "who has something she wants
you to know." Balki thinks a moment then guesses, "Mary
Anne?" "I didnít use those words!" Larry insists.
"Not Mary Anne?" Balki asks.
"Yes, Mary Anne," Larry
confirms, "But you didnít hear it from me! She loves you. She
cares about you very much. And you had better talk to her because in a few
days it will be too late." "Why would it be too late?"
Balki asks. "Because she will be gone," Larry explains.
Balki closes his eyes and looks pained, gasping, "Oh god. Oh, Cousin
. . . oh, Cousin, I got to talk to her before itís too late and . . . and she
will be gone." "Yes, you do," Larry confirms with a smile,
"And you donít have a moment to lose. And neither do I."
Larry pats Balkiís shoulder again and runs from the kitchen. Balki
slowly gets up and walks over to the counter where Dimitri is sitting.
"Dimitri, brace yourself," Balki says to the stuffed sheep, "Mary
Anne only has a few days to live." Mary Anne enters the kitchen and
gets a cup from the sink to pour herself a drink from the kettle on the
stove. "Is todayís paper here?" she asks, "I wanna read
the funnies." "Laughter is the best medicine," Balki points
out to Dimitri. Mary Anne starts to leave but Balki stops her.
"Mary Anne . . . Mary Anne . . . Mary
Anne . . . I want to talk to you." "Oh? About what?"
Mary Anne asks skeptically. "About . . . you . . . and how you
feel," Balki says sympathetically. "Oh, suddenly you care about
how I feel?" Mary Anne scoffs. "Yes, I do! I do!"
Balki says sincerely as he leads her to the kitchen table, "And . . . and Iím
so sorry I didnít realize sooner what was going on." "Well, I
hinted at it," Mary Anne points out, "But maybe I shouldíve just
come right out and told you." "Shouldíve, couldíve, wouldíve
. . . Mary Anne, letís not conjugate our lives." Balki reaches over
and picks up Mary Anne to sit her on his lap. "Whatís important is
that I want you to know that I want to spend every minute of the rest of your
life with you, doing everything that I possibly can to . . . to make you as
happy as you can be," Balki explains. "Balki, this is the
happiest day of my life!" Mary Anne smiles tearfully and they
embrace. "Well, you certainly do have a good attitude about
this," Balki notes.
Mary Anne stands up and says, "Now
when the big day comes do you think we should make a major event out of it or
should we just keep it small and intimate?" Balki thinks about this
question with confusion, then replies, "Well . . . thatís kind of . . .
up to you. After all, it . . . it will be your day." "Then
I want a lot of people there," Mary Anne says excitedly, "Itíll be
wonderful. My mother will cry her eyes out!" Balki starts to
sob and cries, "Well, of course she will! Iíll cry my eyes
out!" Mary Anne puts her arms around Balki to comfort him and notes,
"Oh Balki, youíre so sensitive!" "Well, who wouldnít
be?" Balki asks, still crying. "Iíll wear the same dress my
grandmother wore!" Mary Anne states. Balki looks shocked and
disgusted, then comments, "And I thought we had some weird
customs." "Letís go tell Jennifer and Larry," Mary Anne
suggests, "Jenniferís going to be so excited!" "Well, I
suppose so," Balki says as Mary Anne takes him by the hand and leads him
from the kitchen to the living room, "She does look good in black."
Mary Anne and Balki run into the living
room. "Jennifer, Larry! Come down quick!" Mary Anne calls
up the stairs, then she turns back to Balki and says, "And I want to get a
really good band so everyone can dance." Balki looks stunned.
Jennifer and Larry come down the stairs, fastening their robes.
"Hurry!" Mary Anne urges. "What is it?" Jennifer
asks. "We have some really big news," Mary Anne smiles.
"Well, couldnít it have waited just a few minutes?" Larry
asks. "The big news?" Jennifer asks.
"Yes," Mary Anne nods. Jennifer and Mary Anne scream and run
into each othersí arms. Balki stumbles over to Larry in a daze as Larry
exclaims, "Oh! Ah, ya crazy kid you! You nut!" Larry
hooks his arm around Balkiís shoulder and leads him to the couch.
Jennifer and Mary Anne also come around to sit on the couch. Everyone is
laughing and happy except for Balki, who is crying. "Larry, isnít
this great?" Jennifer asks, "What a party weíre going to have!"
"It sure is!" Larry agrees as he
hugs Balkiís head, "I canít wait! Iím gonna dance all
night!" "What is it with you people?!" Balki cries
suddenly, "What are you talking about?! Dancing?
Partying? Are you crazy?" Balki leaps up from the couch.
"You should be ashamed of yourselves, talking like this when Mary Anne only
has a few days to live!" Mary Anne looks shocked and gasps, "I
only have a few days to live? Why didnít anyone tell me?"
"Mary Anne, youíre not going to die," Jennifer assures her, then she
looks at Larry and asks, "What did you say to him?" "I donít
know what I said to him," Larry says, "But I didnít use any of the
forbidden words." "If Mary Anne isnít dying . . . what are we
talking about?" Balki asks. Mary Anne gets up and walks to Balki,
explaining, "Weíre talking about our wedding. Didnít you just ask
me to marry you?" "I thought I just agreed to oversee your
burial," Balki explains, "But then again itís been a very confusing
"Balki, itís really not confusing
at all," Mary Anne says, "Iím moving out of the house."
"Mary Anne, I donít want you to move out," Balki says, "If you
want me to marry you . . . I . . . I will." "Youíd marry me
just to keep me from moving out?" Mary Anne asks. "Sure, if it
would make you happy," Balki adds. "Balki, marriage is something
thatís supposed to make both of us happy," Mary Anne notes,
"Iíve been dropping hints for months but you never got it. And now
I realize itís because marriage is something you havenít even thought
about. We seem to be headed in two different directions. Itís
better if I move out and just get on with my life." Mary Anne heads
Some days later, Mary Anne is ready to
leave. "Weíre gonna miss you, Mary Anne," Larry says. He
carries her suitcase to the door as Mary Anne and Jennifer hug goodbye.
Balki comes down the stairs and sees Mary Anne at the door. "Well, um
. . . weíll just let you say goodbye," Jennifer says, and she and Larry
go upstairs. Balki reaches into his breast pocket and pulls out a
ticket. "I found this in my wallet," he says, "Itís your
season pass to the reptile farm." She takes it from him, then waits
for him to continue. "Iím gonna miss you," Balki sighs.
"Me, too," Mary Anne replies, then adds, "But we can still be
friends." "Yeah, we can," Balki agrees. "And . .
. and we can still go to the reptile farm together," Mary Anne points
out. "Yeah, we can," Balki smiles, "And if we can . . . if
we can still be friends, then we can still make . . . we can still make shadow
animals on the wall together." They lean in to kiss but Mary Anne
pushes away. "But friends canít do that," she says.
"No," Balki agrees sadly, "No . . . no, they canít."
"Goodbye, Balki," Mary Anne says sadly, and she picks up her suitcase
and walks out the door. "Goodbye, Mary Anne," Balki sighs after
her. The caption "To Be Continued . . . " comes up on the screen
and the episode ends.
There are some differences between the shooting script dated
January 23, 1992 and the episode which aired:
episode was to begin with Balki sitting at the kitchen table playing checkers
with Dimitri. Balki makes a move and says, "There, see if you can get
out of that." Balki then walks behind Dimitri and says,
"Hmm. If I were you, I'd move this piece." Balki jumps
three pieces and then returns to his own chair and looks at the board.
"Ouch," he sighs, "I was hoping you wouldn't see that move."
(Look closely at the end of the first scene and you can see the checkerboard on
- After Balki mentions that he has plenty of cold
yak loaf, he asks, "Sandwich anyone?"
- When Balki tries biting into the Polynesian
marriage god, thinking it is a gummy bear, he comments, "A little stale,
- After telling Balki the legend behind the
Polynesian marriage god, Mary Anne says, "Hah?" "Ah!"
Balki says. "Ah!" Mary Anne repeats. Balki says
"Ah" once more before making the comment about it coming in handy if
he ever meets someone he wants to marry.
- When Jennifer and Larry are in the bedroom,
Jennifer begins her dialogue by saying, "I don't know what I'm going to do
about Mary Anne." "Me either," Larry agrees, "I missed
you." "I missed you, too," Jennifer says, and they return
- After Jennifer tells Larry what to say but says
"don't use any of those words," Larry sighs, "Jennifer, those
words are pretty key to the explanation." "Larry, if you come
right out and tell Balki how Mary Anne feels, she'll be humiliated,"
Jennifer points out. "I know you can do this. Just
hurry." "Like the wind," Larry assures her, and he hurries
from the room.
- When Larry enters the kitchen, Balki is putting
away the dishes. "Balki, sit down, I have to talk to you," Larry
says. "Okay, Cousin, as soon as I finish putting away the
dishes," Balki says. Larry grabs Balki by the hair and pulls him to
the table, sets him in a chair and sits next to him. "Sorry, I didn't
detect the urgency in your voice," Balki admits. Larry tries to
begin, but has trouble figuring out how to say it without using any of the key
words. "Listen to me. Balki, uh, uh, you . . . uh,
no." Balki crosses to the fish cabinet. "Have you ever
noticed how . . . no, I can't use those words," Larry sighs, "Balki,
when a man and a woman . . . no, too direct, too direct. Okay, I got
it." Balki crosses and sits again. "Try to follow
this," Larry says, and he begins with his explanation.
- Larry lifting Jennifer from the stair balcony and
his last line, "Fold . . . fold away," are not in this script version.
- After the commercial break, the scene originally
cut back to the bedroom. "Mary Anne, you can't move out,"
Jennifer says. "I have to," Mary Anne insists, "It's just
too painful living under the same roof with a person I love but who doesn't want
to make a commitment. So I'm moving out at the end of the week. I'll
miss you guys. But I won't miss the living room drapes. I've always
hated them. I can say that now." Mary Anne exits.
"Larry, you've got to talk to Balki again," Jennifer says, "Make
it clear how Mary Anne feels." "You know, when I tell Balki
about this, it would be easier if you'd let me use the actual words," Larry
points out. "Absolutely not," Jennifer insists, "Mary
Anne's pride is at stake." "I suppose writing it down is out the
question, too," Larry guesses. Jennifer nods. "I'll be
back," Larry says, and he exits.
- After Balki says he wants to spend the rest of
Mary Anne's life with her, making her happy, Mary Anne first replies by saying,
"Balki, do you really mean it? You really want me to spend the rest
of my life with you?" "Yes. Yes, I do," Balki
confirms. Then Mary Anne says it is the happiest day of her life.
- After Mary Anne says she wants to get a good band
so everyone can dance, Balki notes, "That would add a much needed festive
- After Mary Anne tells Balki that she's moving out
of the house, Balki says, "It's the drapes, isn't it?"
"No," Mary Anne answers, "You're not going to marry me. And
it's too difficult for me to go on living here, day in, day out, seeing you and
knowing I'll never be your wife." This is when Balki says he doesn't
want her to move and will marry her if she wants.
- In this version of the script, Mary Anne sweetly
kisses Balki before she head upstairs. Balki crosses to the stairs.
"She's going to change her mind," Larry says, "I know women and .
. . " Jennifer and Balki glare at Larry. Jennifer exits
upstairs and Balki exits to the kitchen. "I'll be right up, hon,"
Larry calls, and he hurries up the stairs.
- As Mary Anne is getting ready to leave, Jennifer
asks, "Mary Anne, are you sure you want to do this?" "I
have to, Jennifer," Mary Anne answers, "I'll miss you
guys." "We're going to miss you, too. I'm sorry things
turned out this way," Larry sighs.
- After Balki tells Mary Anne that they can still
make shadow animals together, he adds, "Nobody does a moose and a duck on a
seesaw better than you."
- The rest of the script is the same.
The I Love Saturday Night
spots which aired on February 1, 1992, were filmed at the end of this episode,
as well as a number of commercials, including one for a contest asking people to
send in videotapes with auditions for a chance to host an evening of I Love
Saturday Night over the summer.
on to the next episode . . .