Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 141 -  . . . Or Get Off the Pot

First Air Date: April 4, 1992
Filming Date: January 24, 1992
Nielsen Rating: 6.4 HH

Produced by: Alan Plotkin
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Terry Hart
Directed by: Judy Pioli

Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne Spencer
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons

orgetoffgrab02.jpg (49144 bytes)Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri can be seen in many of the kitchen scenes in this episode, as Balki picks up him and talks directly to him about many of the key plot points.

"But in this turbulent sea of emotion you and I can only be two ships that go bump in the night."
" . . . all of a sudden she gets all hot and buttered."

Donít be ridiculous: Not said in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Listen to me!"
"Oh god!"
"What are you talking about?"

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Mary Anne hints about marriage but Balki doesnít get it

Notable Moment: The marriage-hint issue leads to the break up of Balki and Mary Anne and Mary Anne moves out of the house

Interesting facts:
The title derives from the expression "Piss or get off the pot," which loosely refers to the chamber pots which were often used before the invention of indoor plumbing.
- Throughout season seven, Mary Anne has been hinting to Balki about getting married, and repeatedly Balki missed the references.  This running joke finally culminates in this episode, which leads to the break up of Balki and Mary Anne.  This was the first part of a four part storyline which would build to a climax that would end season seven.
- Slowly more and more adult humor crept into the show, which was now airing at a later time (9:00 p.m. and 9:30 p.m. throughout the season).  With Larry and Jennifer married, very subtle sex jokes could now be incorporated without seeming crass or tasteless.

The episode begins one day at the house. Balki is in the kitchen when Larry enters through the back door followed by Mary Anne and Jennifer.  Mary Anne is carrying a gift bag.  "Well, look what I found in the white zone at the airport," Larry comments.  Mary Anne hurries to Balki, who picks her up in a hug and smiles, "Welcome home!  Oh!"  "Oh, itís so good to be home," Jennifer sighs.  "Well, Jennifer, you look exhausted," Larry notes.  Jennifer is surprised by this comment.  "Why donít we, uh, go upstairs and . . . take a nap," Larry suggests.  "Larry, I . . . Iím not sleepy," Jennifer says.  "Yeah but, Jennifer . . . you know, every time you come back from a long trip we . . . take a nap," Larry says, moving his head to suggest he means more.  "Oh!  Oh, a nap!" Jennifer gets it, "Well, Iím a little hungry.  Why donít we have lunch first?"  "Youíre in luck," Balki tells her, "I have plenty of cold yak loaf."  Balki runs to the refrigerator to get it and Mary Anne follows him.

"Jennifer, itís been two weeks since Iíve had a nap," Larry points out, "I mean, if I were any sleepier . . . Iíd explode."  "Well, all right," Jennifer agrees.  Jennifer and Larry leave the kitchen and as they walk out Jennifer sighs, "I should have eaten on the plane."  Balki is standing at the counter with a slab of green yak loaf on a plate in front of him, ready to slice it.  "Oh great," Balki sighs, "She prefers airline food over my yak loaf."  "I love your yak loaf," Mary Anne tells him.  "Well, if nobody cares about my yak loaf Iím just gonna put it away," Balki sighs, and he picks up the plate to take it back to the refrigerator.  "Balki . . . Balki . . . hello?" Mary Anne says as she grabs the back of his suspenders and pulls him back to her.  "Oh, Iím sorry," Balki apologizes, "I, uh . . . my mind was somewhere else, my little gravy boat."  Balki motions to the kitchen table and tells her, "Come, sit down . . . sit down.  I want to hear all about your trip."  They sit at the table.

"How was San Francisco, Honolulu, Tahiti, Sydney, Auckland, Sydney, Tahiti, Honolulu and San Francisco?" Balki asks.  "Fine," Mary Anne answers, and then she reaches into the gift bag she is holding, explaining, "I brought you a present from Tahiti."  She pulls out a small carved figure and hands it to Balki.  "Oh!" Balki smiles, "This is the biggest gummy bear I have ever seen!"  Balki starts to bite on it.  "Balki . . . Balki," Mary Anne stops him, taking back the figure, "Itís not a gummy bear.  Itís a Polynesian marriage god.  The legend says if you give it to someone youíll be married to them by the next full moon."  Mary Anne smiles at Balki knowingly.  "This is gonna come in handy in case I ever meet anyone I want to marry," Balki smiles.  Mary Anne turns and buries her face in her hands in exasperation.

In their bedroom, Jennifer and Larry are kissing and getting passionate.  Larry swings around and backs up to the bed with Jennifer leaning over him.  Suddenly Jennifer pulls away and sighs, "Iím worried about Mary Anne."  Larry is left lying on the bed with his arms outstretched.  "Larry, all she talked about on this trip was Balki," Jennifer continues, "She really wants to marry him but he just doesnít get it."  Larry is still lying on his back, his arms reaching out.  He lets his arms drop and then gets up.  "W . . . w . . . isnít . . . isnít this something we could talk about later?" Larry asks.  "Mmm . . . later is good," Jennifer agrees.  They start to kiss again and Larry begins to sit back on the bed when Jennifer pulls away and sighs, "Oh, later is no good."  Jennifer sits on the end of the bed and Larry moves to kneel down in front of her.  "All right, all right," Larry says, "Look, youíre right.  Youíre right.  But this is not a . . . a new problem.  I mean, Mary Anne has wanted Balki to marry her for a long time."  "Itís much worse now," Jennifer says, "Itís gotten to the point where every time sheís a woman with a wedding ring on she breaks down."

"W . . . w . . . well, donít worry," Larry says, "Theyíll work it out."  After a moment Jennifer agrees, "Yeah, theyíll work it out."  She and Larry start to kiss again and lean back on the bed, but Jennifer suddenly stops and rolls away, crying, "Oh, thereís no way they can work it out.  Larry, this is really upsetting to me and you know I canít . . . nap when Iím upset."  "Okay, all right, all right, all right," Larry says, "All right, all right, Iíll tell you what Iím gonna do, all right?  Iím gonna do downstairs and . . . and talk to Balki and . . . and tell him that Mary Anne wants him to propose.  Then Iím gonna come back and weíll take a nap."  Larry leans over and kisses Jennifer.  "Maybe two," Larry amends, and he starts to leave.  "Larry, you canít do that!" Jennifer says.  "Oh, sure I can," Larry assures her, "Itís been two weeks."  "What I mean is a woman wants a man to propose because heís in love, not because someone told him to," Jennifer explains, "I want you to go talk to Balki, get him to realize how much he loves Mary Anne, how much she loves him and how perfect they are for each other.  But donít use any of those words."

The scene flips to a short time later when Larry is sitting at the kitchen table with Balki.  "There is a certain woman who is interested in you," Larry begins.  Balki makes a flattered face.  "In a romantic way," Larry adds.  Balki makes another face.  "Apparently you have not realized it.  Realize it . . . take care of it . . . see you later."  Larry runs out of the kitchen.  Balki sits alone, thinking, then wonders, "Who could that possibly be?"  Larry pops back in and asks in disbelief, "Who could that possibly be?"  Balki ducks down, covering the back of his head as Larry races back to him and sits down, crying, "Who could that possibly be?  Balki, open your eyes!"  Balki opens his eyes wide.  "No, no," Larry sighs, "I mean it is obvious."  "Who is it?" Balki asks.  "I canít tell you her name," Larry says.  "Oh, this is a game," Balki smiles, "Is she living or dead?"

"Balki, this is a woman who is always making excuses to be with you," Larry explains, "Huh?  If youíre in another room she finds some lame reason to go in there.  Sheís always asking for your help."  Balki continues to stare at Larry in a clueless fashion.  "Sheís blonde," Larry tries, then, "She lives in this house."  "Give me a hint," Balki asks.  "She is in love with you," Larry says, "Please, take care of it because it is starting to affect my marriage."  Balki looks shocked and embarrassed.  "I . . . I . . . I had no idea.  Iím . . . Iím so sorry!" Balki offers.  "Donít worry about it," Larry insists, "Just talk to her."  "What will I say?" Balki asks.  "Just tell her how you feel about her," Larry suggests.  "Okay," Balki says.  "Everything will be fine," Larry smiles.  "I sure hope so," Balki winks.  Larry pats Balkiís shoulder and runs from the kitchen again.  Balki looks to Dimitri, who is standing on the kitchen table, and says, "Dimitri, did you hear that?  Jennifer is in love with me."

Larry is heading up the stairs when he runs past Jennifer, who is coming down.  Larry stops and says, "Oh, Jennifer!  Good news.  I talked to Balki.  Everything is fine."  "Oh great!" Jennifer smiles.  Larry starts up the stairs again, holding Jenniferís hand, but Jennifer continues down.  "Where are you going?" Larry asks, still holding onto Jenniferís hand.  "You were subtle, werenít you?" Jennifer asks.  "He never knew what hit him," Larry assures her.  Jennifer sighs with relief and then starts for the kitchen.  Larry pulls her back by the hand to the railing and then reaches down to lift her off the ground.  "Why are you going downstairs?" he asks.  "Well, I . . . I . . . I have to go fold the laundry," Jennifer explains.  "W . . . well but . . . but . . . but you told me to hurry . . . "  He kisses Jenniferís cheek.  " . . . and I did, I hurried . . . "  He kisses her cheek again.  " . . . and . . . and shouldnít we hurry upstairs?"  "Well, I canít," Jennifer sighs, "Iím still a little tense.  I need to be relaxed to take a nap and folding laundry helps me do that."

Larry drops Jennifer, who lands roughly on her feet.  "Okay, okay," Larry sighs, "Itís a little weird.  But it worked on our honeymoon."  Jennifer leans upward and Larry leans downward over the railing and they kiss again.  As Jennifer walks to the kitchen Larry says after her, "Fold . . . fold away."  Balki is sitting on the chair at the kitchen table holding Dimitri when Jennifer walks in.  He stands up and backs away from her as she approaches.  "Hi, Balki," Jennifer smiles.  "Hi . . . hi, Jennifer," Balki says, putting the counter between himself and her, "How are you?  What are you doing down here in the kitchen . . . alone with me?"  "I was just gonna fold the laundry," Jennifer explains, and she walks around and into the pantry.  Balki looks down at Dimitri and says, "Whatever you do, donít leave me alone with her."  Balki turns and starts to open the back door to leave when Jennifer returns, carrying a full laundry basket.

"Balki," Jennifer calls, stopping him.  "Yeah?" Balki asks.  "Would you give me a hand with this?" she asks, indicating the basket which she carries to the kitchen table.  Balki sets Dimitri on the counter and sighs, "Look . . . look, Jennifer . . . I donít think this is a good idea for either one of us."  "I need you," Jennifer states as she pulls clothes and towels from the basket.  Balki starts to help her when Jennifer begins, "So, uh . . . did, uh . . . Larry talk with you?"  "Yeah . . . . yeah," Balki nods, sloppily folding the towel heís holding, "He did."  "And do you understand everything?" Jennifer asks.  "Yeah . . . yeah, I think I do," Balki answers, looking concerned.  "I . . . I would have said something to you earlier but I just didnít feel comfortable talking to you about it," Jennifer admits.  "Well, I can understand that," Balki says.  "It just seemed better to have Larry tell you," Jennifer says.  "Yeah," Balki nods, "Yeah, that takes the pressure off of you but how you think Cousin Larry feels about this?"

"Oh, heís all for it," Jennifer assures Balki.  Balki looks shocked and drops the towel he has messily folded, gasping, "Heís all for it?"  Jennifer hands Balki two corners of a towel and instructs, "Here, grab the ends."  She works to find the other end of the towel as she explains, "Yeah, well, Larryís always said that if two people are in love then nothing should stand in their way."  She finds her end corners and holds them up, then tells Balki, "Come to me."  Balkiís eyebrows raise.  Jennifer steps to Balki and matches his corners with hers as she says, "Now that you know everything, donít you think you should make your move?"  Balki suddenly throws the towel over Jenniferís head and cries, "Jennifer, Jennifer, please!  Please, look . . . look . . . now listen to me . . . "  Jennifer pulls the towel off.  "Listen to me," Balki continues, "I know you have your heart set on things being different . . . "  "I do!  I do with all my heart!" Jennifer confirms.

"Oh god!" Balki cries, "But in this turbulent sea of emotions you and I can only be two ships that go bump in the night.  Okay?  You are anchored at Appleton Harbor and I . . . am . . . what I am, okay?  And thatís all that I am.  Iím Balki the sailor man . . . toot, toot."  Balki does a Popeye laugh, then mouths silently, "What am I talking about?"  "What the hell are you talking about?" Jennifer asks.  "Oh, I knew it," Balki sighs, "This is killing you.  Jennifer, look, we have got to stop this before innocent people get hurt.  What do ya . . . what do ya think youíre the first married woman to ever go goo-goo over me?  Stop it!  Just stop it!  Donít kid yourself, baby."  Jennifer starts to understand what is going on and tries to begin, "Balki . . . "  "Look, look, look," Balki holds up his hand, "I . . . I . . . I donít often speak about this because itís one of the reasons I had to leave Mypos but . . . Stavros is on the other side of the island and you innocently offer to milk his wifeís goat and . . . all of a sudden she gets all hot and buttered."

Jennifer walks over to Balki and places a hand on his back, saying, "Balki . . . "  "No . . . no, Katarina!  Itís wrong!" Balki cries out, the he turns to look at Jennifer.  "Balki, we need to clear up a big misunderstanding!" Jennifer insists.  "Thatís right," Balki agrees, then he motions for Jennifer to back away and orders, "Now you go back!  Back!  Back!  Back!  Back!  Back up against the stove!  Thereís only one thing that you have to understand."  "Balki . . . "  "And that is that even though you have feelings for me your place is with your man!"  "Balki, please . . . please . . . please . . . " Jennifer tries to get through to him.  "Donít beg," Balki says, "Itís just not gonna happen, baby.  You go back to Cousin Larry, you forget me and the power I have over you.  And donít you ever speak of this again."  Balki points to the stairs in the living room.  "Oh, believe me, I wonít," Jennifer says calmly, and she turns to leave the kitchen, shouting angrily, "Larry!"

Up in the bedroom, Larry has turned down the bed and is dressed in his pajamas and robe.  He poses with one foot on a chair as Jennifer storms in.  "Larry, you are an idiot!" Jennifer snarls.  "Oh good," Larry says excitedly, "Weíre gonna play strict schoolmarm and naughty student again!"  Larry runs over to a wooden chair by a desk and sits down like a waiting child.  "Teach me!" he gasps happily.  "No," Jennifer says as she walks over to Larry, "I mean youíre really an idiot!"  Larry looks even more excited.  "You completely botched your conversation with Balki!" Jennifer informs him, "He thought I wanted to marry him!"  Larry looks confused and stands up, asking, "Balki thought you wanted to marry him?"  Jennifer nods.  "You remember last summer, when Balki and I were out on a lake alone in the rowboat?" Larry asks, "I should have killed him then."  "Larry, you have to go talk to him again," Jennifer says.  "Jennifer, I would love to see Balki and Mary Anne get married, but we canít force it," Larry says, "I know how women think.  Mary Anne has waited this long.  If she has to she will wait a lot longer."  Mary Anne storms into the room and announces, "I canít wait any longer!  Balkiís never gonna ask me to marry him so Iím moving out."  On Jennifer and Larryís shocked expressions the scene fades to black.

Act two begins a short time later when Larry runs into the kitchen where Balki is standing at the counter with Dimitri.  "Balki . . . " Larry begins.  "Cousin, look," Balki interrupts, "I want you to know I talked to Jennifer and . . . and that everythingís fine.  But I really want you to know that I did nothing to reduce her to a quivering mass of desire."  "And I appreciate that," Larry humors him, "Thank you."  Larry takes Balki to the kitchen table to sit again and says, "But as long as weíre here, why donít we talk about another problem?"  "Cousin, another dirty little problem like the last one and we could end up on Sally Jesse Raphael," Balki warns.  "Listen to me," Larry demands Balkiís attention, "Listen to me.  There is a woman . . . who lives in this house . . . not Jennifer . . . "  Balki stares at his blankly.  "Not Jennifer," Larry repeats, "who has something she wants you to know."  Balki thinks a moment then guesses, "Mary Anne?"  "I didnít use those words!" Larry insists.  "Not Mary Anne?" Balki asks.

"Yes, Mary Anne," Larry confirms, "But you didnít hear it from me!  She loves you.  She cares about you very much.  And you had better talk to her because in a few days it will be too late."  "Why would it be too late?" Balki asks.  "Because she will be gone," Larry explains.  Balki closes his eyes and looks pained, gasping, "Oh god.  Oh, Cousin . . . oh, Cousin, I got to talk to her before itís too late and . . . and she will be gone."  "Yes, you do," Larry confirms with a smile, "And you donít have a moment to lose.  And neither do I."  Larry pats Balkiís shoulder again and runs from the kitchen.  Balki slowly gets up and walks over to the counter where Dimitri is sitting.  "Dimitri, brace yourself," Balki says to the stuffed sheep, "Mary Anne only has a few days to live."  Mary Anne enters the kitchen and gets a cup from the sink to pour herself a drink from the kettle on the stove.  "Is todayís paper here?" she asks, "I wanna read the funnies."  "Laughter is the best medicine," Balki points out to Dimitri.  Mary Anne starts to leave but Balki stops her.

"Mary Anne . . . Mary Anne . . . Mary Anne . . . I want to talk to you."  "Oh?  About what?" Mary Anne asks skeptically.  "About . . . you . . . and how you feel," Balki says sympathetically.  "Oh, suddenly you care about how I feel?" Mary Anne scoffs.  "Yes, I do!  I do!" Balki says sincerely as he leads her to the kitchen table, "And . . . and Iím so sorry I didnít realize sooner what was going on."  "Well, I hinted at it," Mary Anne points out, "But maybe I shouldíve just come right out and told you."  "Shouldíve, couldíve, wouldíve . . . Mary Anne, letís not conjugate our lives."  Balki reaches over and picks up Mary Anne to sit her on his lap.  "Whatís important is that I want you to know that I want to spend every minute of the rest of your life with you, doing everything that I possibly can to . . . to make you as happy as you can be," Balki explains.  "Balki, this is the happiest day of my life!" Mary Anne smiles tearfully and they embrace.  "Well, you certainly do have a good attitude about this," Balki notes.

Mary Anne stands up and says, "Now when the big day comes do you think we should make a major event out of it or should we just keep it small and intimate?"  Balki thinks about this question with confusion, then replies, "Well . . . thatís kind of . . . up to you.  After all, it . . . it will be your day."  "Then I want a lot of people there," Mary Anne says excitedly, "Itíll be wonderful.  My mother will cry her eyes out!"  Balki starts to sob and cries, "Well, of course she will!  Iíll cry my eyes out!"  Mary Anne puts her arms around Balki to comfort him and notes, "Oh Balki, youíre so sensitive!"  "Well, who wouldnít be?" Balki asks, still crying.  "Iíll wear the same dress my grandmother wore!" Mary Anne states.  Balki looks shocked and disgusted, then comments, "And I thought we had some weird customs."  "Letís go tell Jennifer and Larry," Mary Anne suggests, "Jenniferís going to be so excited!"  "Well, I suppose so," Balki says as Mary Anne takes him by the hand and leads him from the kitchen to the living room, "She does look good in black."

Mary Anne and Balki run into the living room.  "Jennifer, Larry!  Come down quick!" Mary Anne calls up the stairs, then she turns back to Balki and says, "And I want to get a really good band so everyone can dance."  Balki looks stunned. Jennifer and Larry come down the stairs, fastening their robes.  "Hurry!" Mary Anne urges.  "What is it?" Jennifer asks.  "We have some really big news," Mary Anne smiles.  "Well, couldnít it have waited just a few minutes?" Larry asks.  "The big news?" Jennifer asks.  "Yes," Mary Anne nods.  Jennifer and Mary Anne scream and run into each othersí arms.  Balki stumbles over to Larry in a daze as Larry exclaims, "Oh!  Ah, ya crazy kid you!  You nut!"  Larry hooks his arm around Balkiís shoulder and leads him to the couch.  Jennifer and Mary Anne also come around to sit on the couch.  Everyone is laughing and happy except for Balki, who is crying.  "Larry, isnít this great?" Jennifer asks, "What a party weíre going to have!"

"It sure is!" Larry agrees as he hugs Balkiís head, "I canít wait!  Iím gonna dance all night!"  "What is it with you people?!" Balki cries suddenly, "What are you talking about?!  Dancing?  Partying?  Are you crazy?"  Balki leaps up from the couch.  "You should be ashamed of yourselves, talking like this when Mary Anne only has a few days to live!"  Mary Anne looks shocked and gasps, "I only have a few days to live?  Why didnít anyone tell me?"  "Mary Anne, youíre not going to die," Jennifer assures her, then she looks at Larry and asks, "What did you say to him?"  "I donít know what I said to him," Larry says, "But I didnít use any of the forbidden words."  "If Mary Anne isnít dying . . . what are we talking about?" Balki asks.  Mary Anne gets up and walks to Balki, explaining, "Weíre talking about our wedding.  Didnít you just ask me to marry you?"  "I thought I just agreed to oversee your burial," Balki explains, "But then again itís been a very confusing afternoon."

"Balki, itís really not confusing at all," Mary Anne says, "Iím moving out of the house."  "Mary Anne, I donít want you to move out," Balki says, "If you want me to marry you . . . I . . . I will."  "Youíd marry me just to keep me from moving out?" Mary Anne asks.  "Sure, if it would make you happy," Balki adds.  "Balki, marriage is something thatís supposed to make both of us happy," Mary Anne notes, "Iíve been dropping hints for months but you never got it.  And now I realize itís because marriage is something you havenít even thought about.  We seem to be headed in two different directions.  Itís better if I move out and just get on with my life."  Mary Anne heads upstairs.

Some days later, Mary Anne is ready to leave.  "Weíre gonna miss you, Mary Anne," Larry says.  He carries her suitcase to the door as Mary Anne and Jennifer hug goodbye.  Balki comes down the stairs and sees Mary Anne at the door.  "Well, um . . . weíll just let you say goodbye," Jennifer says, and she and Larry go upstairs.  Balki reaches into his breast pocket and pulls out a ticket.  "I found this in my wallet," he says, "Itís your season pass to the reptile farm."  She takes it from him, then waits for him to continue.  "Iím gonna miss you," Balki sighs.  "Me, too," Mary Anne replies, then adds, "But we can still be friends."  "Yeah, we can," Balki agrees.  "And . . . and we can still go to the reptile farm together," Mary Anne points out.  "Yeah, we can," Balki smiles, "And if we can . . . if we can still be friends, then we can still make . . . we can still make shadow animals on the wall together."  They lean in to kiss but Mary Anne pushes away.  "But friends canít do that," she says.  "No," Balki agrees sadly, "No . . . no, they canít."  "Goodbye, Balki," Mary Anne says sadly, and she picks up her suitcase and walks out the door.  "Goodbye, Mary Anne," Balki sighs after her.  The caption "To Be Continued . . . " comes up on the screen and the episode ends.

Script Variations:
There are some differences between the shooting script dated January 23, 1992 and the episode which aired:
The episode was to begin with Balki sitting at the kitchen table playing checkers with Dimitri.  Balki makes a move and says, "There, see if you can get out of that."  Balki then walks behind Dimitri and says, "Hmm.  If I were you, I'd move this piece."  Balki jumps three pieces and then returns to his own chair and looks at the board.  "Ouch," he sighs, "I was hoping you wouldn't see that move."  (Look closely at the end of the first scene and you can see the checkerboard on the table!)
- After Balki mentions that he has plenty of cold yak loaf, he asks, "Sandwich anyone?"
- When Balki tries biting into the Polynesian marriage god, thinking it is a gummy bear, he comments, "A little stale, isn't it?"
- After telling Balki the legend behind the Polynesian marriage god, Mary Anne says, "Hah?"  "Ah!" Balki says.  "Ah!" Mary Anne repeats.  Balki says "Ah" once more before making the comment about it coming in handy if he ever meets someone he wants to marry.
- When Jennifer and Larry are in the bedroom, Jennifer begins her dialogue by saying, "I don't know what I'm going to do about Mary Anne."  "Me either," Larry agrees, "I missed you."  "I missed you, too," Jennifer says, and they return to kissing.
- After Jennifer tells Larry what to say but says "don't use any of those words," Larry sighs, "Jennifer, those words are pretty key to the explanation."  "Larry, if you come right out and tell Balki how Mary Anne feels, she'll be humiliated," Jennifer points out.  "I know you can do this.  Just hurry."  "Like the wind," Larry assures her, and he hurries from the room.
- When Larry enters the kitchen, Balki is putting away the dishes.  "Balki, sit down, I have to talk to you," Larry says.  "Okay, Cousin, as soon as I finish putting away the dishes," Balki says.  Larry grabs Balki by the hair and pulls him to the table, sets him in a chair and sits next to him.  "Sorry, I didn't detect the urgency in your voice," Balki admits.  Larry tries to begin, but has trouble figuring out how to say it without using any of the key words.  "Listen to me.  Balki, uh, uh, you . . . uh, no."  Balki crosses to the fish cabinet.  "Have you ever noticed how . . . no, I can't use those words," Larry sighs, "Balki, when a man and a woman . . . no, too direct, too direct.  Okay, I got it."  Balki crosses and sits again.  "Try to follow this," Larry says, and he begins with his explanation.
- Larry lifting Jennifer from the stair balcony and his last line, "Fold . . . fold away," are not in this script version.
- After the commercial break, the scene originally cut back to the bedroom.  "Mary Anne, you can't move out," Jennifer says.  "I have to," Mary Anne insists, "It's just too painful living under the same roof with a person I love but who doesn't want to make a commitment.  So I'm moving out at the end of the week.  I'll miss you guys.  But I won't miss the living room drapes.  I've always hated them.  I can say that now."  Mary Anne exits.  "Larry, you've got to talk to Balki again," Jennifer says, "Make it clear how Mary Anne feels."  "You know, when I tell Balki about this, it would be easier if you'd let me use the actual words," Larry points out.  "Absolutely not," Jennifer insists, "Mary Anne's pride is at stake."  "I suppose writing it down is out the question, too," Larry guesses.  Jennifer nods.  "I'll be back," Larry says, and he exits.
- After Balki says he wants to spend the rest of Mary Anne's life with her, making her happy, Mary Anne first replies by saying, "Balki, do you really mean it?  You really want me to spend the rest of my life with you?"  "Yes.  Yes, I do," Balki confirms.  Then Mary Anne says it is the happiest day of her life.
- After Mary Anne says she wants to get a good band so everyone can dance, Balki notes, "That would add a much needed festive touch."
- After Mary Anne tells Balki that she's moving out of the house, Balki says, "It's the drapes, isn't it?"  "No," Mary Anne answers, "You're not going to marry me.  And it's too difficult for me to go on living here, day in, day out, seeing you and knowing I'll never be your wife."  This is when Balki says he doesn't want her to move and will marry her if she wants.
- In this version of the script, Mary Anne sweetly kisses Balki before she head upstairs.  Balki crosses to the stairs.  "She's going to change her mind," Larry says, "I know women and . . . "  Jennifer and Balki glare at Larry.  Jennifer exits upstairs and Balki exits to the kitchen.  "I'll be right up, hon," Larry calls, and he hurries up the stairs.
- As Mary Anne is getting ready to leave, Jennifer asks, "Mary Anne, are you sure you want to do this?"  "I have to, Jennifer," Mary Anne answers, "I'll miss you guys."  "We're going to miss you, too.  I'm sorry things turned out this way," Larry sighs.
- After Balki tells Mary Anne that they can still make shadow animals together, he adds, "Nobody does a moose and a duck on a seesaw better than you."
- The rest of the script is the same.

The I Love Saturday Night spots which aired on February 1, 1992, were filmed at the end of this episode, as well as a number of commercials, including one for a contest asking people to send in videotapes with auditions for a chance to host an evening of I Love Saturday Night over the summer.

ilovesatscript-01.jpg (86862 bytes)    ilovesatscript-02.jpg (85137 bytes)    ilovesatscript-03.jpg (87863 bytes)    ilovesatscript-04.jpg (86912 bytes)

ilovesatscript-05.jpg (96033 bytes)    ilovesatscript-06.jpg (94614 bytes)    ilovesatscript-07.jpg (78722 bytes)    ilovesatscript-08.jpg (96964 bytes)

Continue on to the next episode . . .