Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 142 -  Chicago Suite

First Air Date: April 11, 1992
Filming Date: February 7, 1992
Nielsen Rating: 5.8 HH

Produced by: Alan Plotkin
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Tom Amundsen
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons

Guest Cast:
Julie Uribe: Amy
Paige Pengra: Beth

chicagosuitegrab02.jpg (58075 bytes)Dimitri Appearances: Dimitriís photo can be see on the fireplace mantel.

"What?  You think Iím turning into a couch tomato?"
"For your infomercial, I am not depressed."
"Well, where are the caribou?"
"Oh, Iím sorry.  I didnít mean to be fresh."

Donít be ridiculous: Not said in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Oh, go on with you!"
"Get out of the city!"
"Oh po po!"
"Oh my Lord!"
"Stop it!"
"Well, we gotta talk about that."

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Larry sniffs at something
Larry answers a question of Balkiís facetiously just to move on
Larry and Balki hop up onto bar stools simultaneously
Balki hugs someone when he first meets them instead of shaking hands
Balki pushes someone away repeatedly, harder each time, until he almost knocks them over
Balki leaps over the back of the couch
Balki and Larry do the "eh eh" make bonding run (when Larry makes "knowing" sounds and Balki imitates them, only to find out Balki doesnít know what Larryís talking about)
Larry does a spit take
Jokes are made about Larryís height
Balki laughs at his own joke

"Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall" - sung by Beth when sheís drunk
"Casper, the Friendly Ghost" - sung by Balki as "Balki, the Friendly Ghost" when he has a sheet over him

Interesting facts:
The title of this episode was inspired by Neil Simonís play California Suite.  Loosely based on his previous popular work, Plaza Suite, the play is a series of four vignettes which take place around a specific one bedroom suite at the Beverly Hills Hotel.  This episode's nod to the play was probably because of the second of these scenarios, the segment entitled Visitor from Philadelphia, in which a married man wakes up to find an unconscious woman in his bed, whom he must hide from his wife.  In 1978, the play was made into a film starring Alan Alda, Jane Fonda, Walter Matthau, Bill Cosby, Richard Pryor and Michael Caine.
- The first scene with Balki moping about in his bathrobe is very reminiscent of the scene in which Larry was pining over Jennifer when she was going out with college friend before they became engaged in the sixth season episode
The Break Up.
- Julie Uribe, who played Amy, also made appearances in episodes of Family Matters and Step by Step, as well as The Drew Carey Show.  She has since been working as a supervising producer on such projects as the behind-the-scenes documentaries on The Lord of the Rings.
- After the scenes in which Mark was barking and growling with such fury, warm-up comedian Robert G. Lee called him, "The pitbull of acting."
- The scene in which Larry and Balki attempt to move the mostly unconscious Beth from the bedroom could have easily been inspired by a classic Buster Keaton sketch which he used in several films in which he attempts to move an inebriated or unconscious woman with varying success.  One example is in the film Spite Marriage, and you can watch the scene here.
- Paige Pengra, who played the inebriated Beth, also made appearances on Murder, She Wrote, Dallas, Whoís the Boss?, Dear John, Ferris Bueller, Knots Landing, Life Goes On, Full House, Blossom and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

The episode begins at the house one day.  We hear Larryís voice saying, "Balki, youíve been moping around ever since Mary Anne moved out.  Come on."  In the living room, we see Balki laying in one of the chairs.  Heís unshaven, unkempt and wearing a bathrobe.  Larry walks over to him and says, "Okay, Balki?  Balki . . . come on.  Come on."  Larry starts to try to pull Balki up out of the chair.  "Hello," Balki says lifelessly, not helping Larry at all.  "Hi . . . hi," Larry answers as he pulls Balki to his feet, "Get up.  Get up.  Here we go.  Balki . . . we have to talk."  Balki starts to walk away from Larry, mumbling, "No, no Cousin . . . I donít . . . I . . . "  Larry is stepping on the back of Balkiís long robe which stops Balki from moving further away.  "I donít wanna talk," Balki continues, "Thereís a . . . thereís a Woody Woodpecker marathon thatís gonna be on.  I can use a good laugh."

Balki meekly imitates Woody Woodpeckerís laugh, which then turns into tears.  Larry steps off the robe and Balki drops dejectedly onto the couch and cries.  "All right, no . . . Balki . . . Balki . . . we have to talk now," Larry insists as he sits next to Balki on the couch, "For the past two weeks all youíve done is mope around the house and watch TV."  "What?  You think Iím turning into a couch tomato?" Balki asks.  "All right, Balki, you canít keep sitting around the house depressed," Larry sighs.  "For your infomercial, I am not depressed," Balki insists, "Iím just sad.  Okay?  And Iíve come to terms with that.  Thereís nothing wrong with being sad now that M . . . Mary Anne is gone."  "Balki, youíve got to get on with your life," Larry suggests, "Youíve gotta get out there and meet new people."  Balki drops his head back on the couch and whines, "I donít wanna meet new people!  Iím okay!"

Larry gets up from the couch and walks over to a nearby stand to get a silver tray.  He carries it over to Balki and holds it up like a mirror.  "All right, look at this," Larry orders.  Balki looks up at the tray and comments, "Thatís a very nice frame, Cousin."  He look closer and asks, "Why is there a picture of a dead man in it?"  "Thatís not a picture of a dead man," Larry informs him, "Thatís your reflection."  "We gotta get out and meet people!" Balki says hurriedly, "Come on!"  Balki jumps up from the couch and grabs Larryís hand, leading him to the front door.  Larry stands on Balkiís robe again to keep him from leaving.  "All right, all right, all right," Larry agrees, reaching down to grab Balkiís robe and reel him back in, "Yes, yes . . . yes, yeah . . . you gotta get out there . . . you gotta get out there and meet some new people."  "Yeah!" Balki agrees.  "But first, youíve gotta get dressed," Larry points out.  Larry sniffs at Balki and adds, "And maybe a bath."

The next scene takes place at a singleís bar called the Kozy Korner.  People are milling around.  There is a large, square bar in the center of the room.  Larry and Balki enter and look around.  Both are dressed nicely.  "Cousin . . . I thought you said you were taking me to a watering hole," Balki says.  "Thatís right," Larry nods.  "Well, where are the caribou?" Balki asks.  Larry eyes Balki warily, then answers, "Theyíll be here later."  They step to the front of the center bar as Larry explains, "All right, now . . . hereís what weíre gonna do.  Iím gonna give you a little orientation, maybe get you started in a conversation with somebody, then you are on your own."  "Thank you, Cousin," Balki says, "Thank you.  What would I do without you?"  "Youíd be lost," Larry answers.  They hop up onto a couple of bar stools.  A dark-haired woman in a blue dress is sitting next to Balki and she and Balki start to eye each other immediately.

"Well, I havenít been in a singles bar for a long, long time," Larry states, not noticing that Balki is already hitting it off with someone, "But I guess the rules havenít changed."  Larry pulls on Balkiís arm just as Balki is about to say something to the girl.  "Now, youíre gonna be a little nervous at first," Larry says, "Donít worry.  Just remember, itís a numbers game."  Balki looks at the girl again and smiles, beginning, "Hello, my name is . . . "  Larry pulls on Balkiís arm again, interrupting him.  "There are plenty of opportunities out there," Larry lectures, "But youíre gonna have to talk to four or five girls before you get one to talk back to you."  Larry turns around to scan the bar for potential women for Balki.  Balki turns back to the woman beside him and smiles, saying, "Hello.  Iím Balki."  "Hi, Iím Amy," the girl introduces herself, reaching out to shake Balkiís hand.  Balki gets off his stool and hugs her instead, causing her to utter a surprised, "Oh!"  She laughs and looks shy as Balki sits back down.

Larry turns back and grabs Balkiís shoulder, continuing, "And if you are lucky enough to get one to talk to you, just donít forget rejection is a part of the game, okay?  Donít take it personally.  Iím gonna scout around."  Larry gets up and starts walking around the bar.  "Youíre kind of cute," Amy tells Balki.  "Oh, go on with you!" Balki says shyly, pushing at her face slightly.  "No, you are cute!" Amy insists, giving Balkiís shoulder a playful push in return.  "Oh, go on with you!" Balki playfully shoves her face a little harder.  "No, really!" Amy smiles, pushing Balki a little harder in return.  "Oh go on . . . !" Balki says, shoving Amyís face and causing her to topple off her bar stool.  She sits back down and straightens her hair, laughing, "My fault!"  Larry returns to Balki and places a hand on his arm, saying, "Okay, Balki, I think I found a girl you can talk to.  Come with me."  "Cousin, Cousin . . . this is Amy," Balki introduces, "Sheís a girl that I can talk to.  Amy, this is my Cousin Larry."  "Hi," Amy smiles as she shakes Larryís hand.  "Nice to meet you, Amy," Larry smiles.

Amy looks at Balki and smiles.  "Well, uh . . . I guess, uh . . . my job here is done," Larry surmises, "Balki . . . Balki . . . "  Balki is smiling at Amy and not paying attention to Larry.  Larry slaps Balkiís chest and says, "See you back at home."  "Bye," Balki says.  Larry leaves the bar.  "Cousin Larry come up with the idea of taking me here," Balki explains to Amy, "I was gonna stay home and, uh . . . you know, just . . . watch the Woody Woodpecker marathon."  "I love Woody Woodpecker!" Amy says.  "Get out of the city!" Balki exclaims, pushing Amy.  This time Amy catches herself and Balki also grabs her arm to keep her from falling over.  "No, I love him!" Amy explains.  "Amy, do you want to come home with me?" Balki asks, "I could make some hot chocolate and we could watch the end of the Woody Woodpecker marathon."

Amy smiles and says, "That is so refreshing!"  "Oh, Iím sorry," Balki apologizes, "I didnít mean to be fresh."  "No!  I . . . I meant itís sweet!" Amy assures him, "Balki, you may not believe this but youíre the first man to offer me hot chocolate and a cartoon marathon."  "Is that a yes?" Balki asks hopefully.  "It would be, but I came with my friend Beth and I canít leave without her," Amy explains.  We see Beth, who is sitting at a table with some other people.  She is holding a drink and looks completely zoned out.  "Oh, do . . . do you think she would like to come with us?" Balki asks.  "Probably," Amy nods, "I think sheíd be happy to leave this place.  She doesnít really like it here."  "Oh well, if she donít like it now just wait Ďtil the caribou get here!" Balki notes.  Amy laughs and pushes Balki away, nearly knocking him off his bar stool.  Balki sits back up and says, "Oh, my fault!"

Back at the house, Amy opens the front door and Balki enters, semi-carrying Beth who has her arm around Balkiís shoulder.  Beth looks completely blitzed as they bring her inside.  "Okay, here we are!" Balki announces, "Here we are.  Here we are."  "I donít feel very well," Beth slurs.  "Well, that, uh . . . didnít affect your singing any," Balki notes, "We . . . we very much enjoyed your rendition of ĎNinety-Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall.í"  "Hey!" Beth says, turning her head toward Balki.  Balki turns his head away quickly, covering his nose with an, "Oh!"  "I think I should lay down for a while," Beth murmurs.  She starts to move toward the couch.  "All righty," Balki says, "Well, look, I got an idea.  Why donít we take you . . . woo!"  Balki steers Beth to the stairs.  " . . . take you over here . . . take you right over here and you know what?  You can go right on upstairs.  If you go up the stairs and turn to the right thereís a . . . thereís a bedroom you can use."  Balkiís voice grows sad as he sighs, "Nobodyís . . . using it right now."

Beth stumbles up the stairs, shouting back, "Iím fine!"  Balki watches her until she gets to the bedroom and then runs to the couch, jumping over the back of it to sit with Amy.  "Well, are you ready for the wild and wacky wonderful world of Woody Woodpecker?"  "Ready!" Amy smiles.  Balki is about to reach for the remote when Larry enters from the kitchen with a cup of cocoa.  "Hi, Balki," Larry says, and then he sees Amy and says, "Oh!  Oh!  Iím sorry, I . . . I didnít know you had a . . . guest."  "Cousin, this is my friend Amy," Balki reintroduces her.  "Hello, again," Amy smiles as she shakes hands with Larry.  "Yes, weíve met," Larry says, "Well!  Uh . . . Iíll just, uh . . . leave you two alone."  Larry gawks at them with his mouth open as he walks to the stairs.  "Good night!" he says knowingly.  As Larry starts up the stairs Balki imitates Woody Woodpecker and exclaims, "Guess who?"  He and Amy both do the Woody Woodpecker laugh simultaneously, leaving Larry looking very confused.

Balki says to Amy, "If things go really well, later on, after the Woody Woodpecker marathon . . . "  "Uh huh?" Amy says.  "I might carve our initials in a tree with my nose," Balki continues, "Iíve been told . . . I have the nose for it."  Larry suddenly comes marching down the stairs and straight to Balki.  "Balki, come with me," Larry insists, reaching over the back of the couch to take Balkiís arm and pull him away.  "Cousin, Cousin, not now!" Balki pleads as Larry drags him from the couch, "Please!  Girl on the couch!  Girl on the couch!"  "Excuse us," Larry says to Amy as he pushes Balki toward the kitchen.  Balki does the Woody Woodpecker laugh until Larry pushes him into the kitchen door, causing Balki to cry, "Ow!"  Once inside the kitchen, Larry says seriously, "Balki, there is a woman in my bed!"  Balki looks surprised as the scene fades to black.

Act two begins with an establishing shot of the house as we hear Larry ask, "Balki, why is there a woman in my bed?"  "Oh po po!" Balki says, "That must be Amyís friend, Beth.  She wasnít feeling very well so I told her that she could go upstairs and sleep in the room right on the right.  No oneís . . . no oneís using that room."  Balki looks sad again.  "She must have gone into the wrong room.  I . . . Iíll just go move her right now."  Balki starts to leave the kitchen but Larry stops him.  "Hang on . . . no, no, no.  No, thereís no hurry," Larry assures him, "Weíll move her later.  Jenniferís on a flight and . . . youíve got better things to do.  Huh?  Eh?"  Larry makes suggestive noises to Balki and laughs.  Balki mimics Larry.  "Uh?  Ah!" Larry exclaims in sequence with Balki repeating them and making similar knowing expressions.  "Youíre gonna watch Woody Woodpecker, arenít you?" Larry finally asks.  "You know me so well," Balki smiles.  Balki returns to the living room as Larry pours himself more cocoa from a pan on the stove.

Larry starts to drink the cocoa when the back door opens and Jennifer enters.  "Hi, Larry!" Jennifer greets him.  Larry does a spit take, spraying cocoa from his mouth.  He eyes Jennifer with surprise and exclaims, "Ooh!  Ah!  Jennifer!"  He takes her suitcase and says, "Hi!  Hi!  Well, w . . . w . . . what are you doing home?  What happened?"  "Well, my flight to New York was three hours late," Jennifer explains, "When I got there the connecting flight to London was canceled so I had to wait around the airport for six hours before I could catch another flight home.  All I want to do is go to bed and forget this day ever happened."  Jennifer walks around Larry but Larry grabs the suitcase to pull her back, snarling, "No!"  "What do you mean, ĎNo?í" Jennifer asks.  "No . . . lunch?  No . . . dinner?" Larry covers, "You know . . . you . . . you should have a . . . a nice cup of hot cocoa."  Larry gets a mug from the cupboard and pours some cocoa for Jennifer.  "Iíll give you the last little bit here," Larry smiles, then he hands her the mug and says, "Here.  Here.  Huh?  And . . . and this will help you relax."

Larry directs Jennifer to sit at the counter.  "Well, yeah . . . I . . . I guess a little hot chocolate would help me relax," Jennifer agrees, although she looks confused.  "Iíll just go in the other room, tell Balki youíre home early," Larry says, then he laughs, "Heís gonna be so surprised!"  Larry runs into the living room where Balki and Amy are laughing heartily at the Woody Woodpecker cartoon.  They suddenly stop laughing at the exact same moment and look seriously at the screen, as something dramatic in the cartoon takes place.  "Balki, I have to talk to you!" Larry says, grabbing Balki by the arm and pulling him off the couch, "Now!"  "Cousin . . . " Balki starts to protest but Larry pulls him off the couch and over by the window seat where Balki falls into a chair.  Larry crouches down to talk to him.  "Jennifer came home early," Larry says, "Sheís in the kitchen right now.  You have to get rid of the girl!"  "Why should I get rid of the girl?" Balki asks.  "Because my marriage is at stake!" Larry says.  "Well, I donít want to get . . . " Balki begins.  Larry snarls in such a growling voice heís not even intelligible.  Balki looks startled as Larry runs back into the kitchen.

As Larry enters the kitchen he runs into Jennifer, who is about to leave the kitchen with her mug and suitcase.  "Oh, where ya goiní, Jen?" Larry asks.  "Iím going to bed," Jennifer says.  "Oh, no can do, Jen," Larry counters, "No, to get to the bedroom you have to walk through the living room."  "I know that, Larry," Jennifer assures him, "In the six months Iíve lived here Iíve pretty much memorized the route."  "Oh no no no no no," Larry says, steering Jennifer back to the stool at the counter, "See, no, no . . . no, you donít understand."  Larry runs to the other side of the counter to talk to her.  "Balki met a girl," Larry explains.  "Already?" Jennifer asks with surprise, "That was fast.  I thought it would take you about three days just to get him out of his pajamas."  "Oh no," Larry says, "Heís a fast worker.  Yeah, heís entertaining her in the living room right now.  Yes, thatís why we canít interrupt them.  Yeah, theyíre watching a cartoon marathon and, uh, then Balkiís gonna teach her how to make, uh, shadow animals."

"So, w . . . where did he meet her?" Jennifer asks.  "In a singles bar," Larry smiles, then covers with, "At least thatís what he told me!  I . . . I . . . you know, I wasnít there.  I was . . .  What . . . what would I be doing in a singles bar?  I . . . Iím . . . Iím a married man."  He takes Jenniferís hand in his and adds, "Happily married.  Happiest."  Jennifer smiles.  Balki enters the kitchen and approaches them, giving Larry the thumbs up.  Balki waves at Jennifer and says, "Hi!"  "Hi!" Jennifer replies.  "Hi!" Balki repeats.  "So, howís it going with your friend?" Jennifer asks.  "Well, Jennifer, sheís just unlike anyone Iíve ever met before," Balki says, "Sheís such a Woody Woodpecker fan.  There was a certain magic in the room until she had to leave."  "Oh well, I guess I can go to bed now," Jennifer realizes.  She leans across the counter to kiss Larry and says, "Good night."  "Good night," Larry says.  Jennifer picks up her suitcase and leaves the kitchen.  Larry runs to Balki and asks, "Why did Amy leave?"  "You told me to get rid of the girl," Balki reminds him.  "Whereís the girl in my bed?" Larry asks.  "Probably still in your bed," Balki guesses.  Larry look shocked and hurries out of the kitchen to catch Jennifer.

Larry rushes to the bottom of the stairs just as Jenniferís starting up and screams, "Nnn, wait!"  "What?" Jennifer asks, turning back.  Larry grabs the mug of cocoa and sniffs at it, saying, "Oh boy, that hot chocolate smells good!  W . . . w . . . would you mind, uh, making me a cup?"  "Larry, Iím tired.  I just want to go to bed," Jennifer sighs with exhaustion.  "Well, I . . . I . . . Cousin, Iíll make you a cup of hot chocolate," Balki offers, "Jennifer, run along."  Balki starts for the kitchen as Jennifer starts upstairs.  "No, no, no, no, no, no, no," Larry says, grabbing Balkiís arm to stop him.  He then realizes Jennifer is leaving and runs up the stairs to grab her arm and pull her back down and leading her to the kitchen, saying, "No, no!  No, no!  No, no!  No, no!  Is . . . is it so much to ask that my wife make me a cup of hot chocolate?"  "Well, it is a little unreasonable," Balki observes.  "I am not talking to you!" Larry turns around and barks at Balki quickly, "Just go upstairs!  Go upstairs!"  Balki starts for the staircase and then turns back, but Larry growls again and Balki hurries upstairs.

Larry collects himself and tells Jennifer, "He forgot to clean his room."  "Larry, itís late," Jennifer states.  "Oh, itís late!" Larry says sarcastically, "Oh, itís late!  Excuse me . . . you know, I seem to remember a night last week when it was very late and you insisted that I go cross town in a driving rainstorm because you had a craving for Mr. Wooís Kung Pao Chicken!  And did I say, ĎJennifer . . . itís lateí?"  "All right, fine, Larry," Jennifer says coolly, "Iíll make your hot chocolate."  She walks into the kitchen.  "Thank you," Larry says after her, "Thank you.  And . . . and donít forget the little marshmallows.  Itís just not hot chocolate without the little marshmallows."  Larry closes the door of the kitchen slowly as he speaks, then he runs to the stairs were Balki is walking down.  "Cousin, I was right.  Beth is still in your bed," Balki reports, "Sheís got a little bit of drool running down her chin."  "All right, letís go!" Larry says, and he starts to run up the stairs but immediately trips on Jenniferís suitcase, which she has left on the first step.  Larry gets to his feet and begins snarling at Balki, "Get up the stairs!  Get up the stairs!" then runs behind Balki and barks and growls as he chases him upstairs.

They reach Larry and Jenniferís bedroom where Beth is lying in the bed with the covers pulled up to her chin, sound asleep.  Larry and Balki crawl onto the bed and Larry says gently as he shakes her slightly, "Beth?  Beth?  Beth, wake up!  Time to rise and shine!"  "Forty-five bottles of beer on the wall," Beth sings sloppily in her sleep.  "Beth!  Beth!" Larry urges, shaking her more and more violently.  She continues to sing and her voice shakes with her body, coming out as, "Forty-five bottles o-o-o-o-o-o . . . "  "Cousin, Cousin, Cousin, donít do that!" Balki scolds, "Sheís gonna lose count."  "All right, Balki," Larry says, "Weíll get her on her feet, weíll walk her around and . . . and sheíll wake up."  Larry and Balki jump back off the bed and Larry pulls the sheets down to reveal Beth is wearing his red striped pajamas.  "Balki, sheís wearing my pajamas," Larry notes in horror.  "You know what?  They look kind of good on her," Balki notes, "She fills them out a little more.  The pant legs could be longer."  Balki laughs at his own joke.  "All right, letís get her up," Larry suggests, and Larry crawls on the bed to take Beth and start to lift her up.

"Come on," Larry coaxes, "Come on.  Come on.  Here we go."  Larry gets her into a sitting position as Balki takes her feet.  "Here we go.  Here we go.  Come on now," Larry continues to urge, "Come on."  Balki pulls on her feet and they move her to the end of the bed.  "Come on, here we go," Balki joins in.  "Come on . . . here we go . . . there we go," Larry says as she reaches the end of the bed and slips down to sit on the floor.  Larry lays on the bed behind her, holding her head up, and urges Balki, "All right, put her feet down.  Put her feet down."  He holds Bethís upper body to Balki and says, "Here, lift her up.  Just lift her up.  Okay?"  Balki takes Bethís arms and pulls her toward him as Larry jumps off the bed to come help.  Balki grabs Beth around the chest and pulls her to his feet with Larry standing behind, trying to help.  Larry hooks Bethís arm around his neck and says, "All right, come on.  Letís . . . letís just get her to the door.  Get her to the door."  They become a bizarre three people sandwich as Balki and Larry try to keep Beth up between them and move her to the bedroom door.

"All right . . . all right . . . all right," Larry says, "Now get the door . . . get the door . . . get the door."  Balki leaves Larry holding Beth as he turns around to open the bedroom door.  "Yeah, okay," Larry says, turning Beth around so sheís leaning into him.  Suddenly Jenniferís voice calls down from below, "Larry, do you have to have the marshmallows?  I canít find them anywhere!"  "Uh, yes!  Yes, I have to have the marshmallows!" Larry calls back, "I . . . Iíll be right down to help you look for them!"  Larry urges Balki, "Here, take her!  Take her!"  Balki takes Beth in his arms, holding her up.  Larry is about to leave when he tells Balki, "Just find her clothes and hide her!  If Jennifer sees her here, my marriage is over!"  Larry runs out of the bedroom and down the stairs where Jennifer is walking up with her suitcase.  Larry grabs Jenniferís suitcase and leads her back down the stairs.  "Larry, your hot chocolate is in the kitchen," Jennifer reports, "If you want marshmallows, go buy them yourself.  Iím going to bed."

Jennifer starts up the stairs but Larry grabs her hand and pulls her back.  "Youíre angry, arenít you?" Larry asks.  "Larry, I have every right to be angry!" Jennifer insists, "Youíve been acting like a lunatic ever since I got home."  "All right, well maybe I am a little tense," Larry says, "But thereís a good reason for it.  Iíve been under a lot of pressure lately.  But the good thing is weíre talking about it.  And . . . and I . . . I think that communication is the basis of . . . of . . . of a good marriage.  Donít you agree?"  "Okay, Larry," Jennifer sighs, "Itís late and Iím exhausted but . . . if itís that important to you . . . weíll talk."  Balki leans down over the staircase and gives Larry the thumbs up.  "Not now, youíre tired," Larry tells Jennifer, who looks utterly baffled, "Letís turn in."  Larry picks up Jenniferís suitcase and follows her up the stairs.  Larry opens the door to their bedroom and looks inside anxiously but Beth is nowhere in sight.

"Oh, Iím glad this day is over," Jennifer sighs as she rubs her temples and walks into their walk-in closet.  Larry laughs as he pulls the bedspread off the bed and says, "Well, youíll never know how much I agree with you."  Balki enters the bedroom and says quietly, "Cousin, Cousin, I . . . I hid all of Bethís clothes."  "Good!" Larry says as he tries to push Balki out.  "No, not good," Balki explains, holding up a womanís black high heel shoe, "I . . . I could only find one shoe.  The other one is here somewhere."  "Oh my Lord!" Larry gasps, "All right, weíve gotta find that shoe before Jennifer does."  Balki gets down on the floor at the foot of the bed to look beneath it as Larry pulls off the top sheet and throws it over Balki.  Larry looks under the pillows and then lays down to look under the bed as Balki says, "Got it!"  Balki stands up with the sheet over him and starts to sing, "Balki, the friendly ghost!  The friendliest ghost you know!"

Larry pulls the sheet off Balki and says, "Stop it!"  "I always say hello . . . " Balki continues to sing.  "Get out!" Larry orders.  Jennifer walks out of the closet and asks, "Balki, what are you doing here?"  Balki hides the shoes behind his back and says, "What am I doing here?  What . . . am I doing here?  Well, isnít that the universal question?  I mean, what are any of us doing here?"  "Iím going to go take a shower," Jennifer states, and she walks into the bathroom.  "Balki, we did it," Larry sighs with relief, "Whereíd you hide Beth?"  "Well, we gotta talk about that," Balki says with a guilty tone, "See, um . . . I didnít have much time and my options were few."  "What does that mean?" Larry asks.  Jennifer walks out of the bathroom looking stunned and asks, "Why is there a woman in our bathtub?"  Larry stands looking shocked.

The next morning in the kitchen, Balki is on the phone.  "Youíre kidding, Amy," Balki smiles as he talks into the receiver, "You like The Three Stooges, too?  Iíd love to go to their film festival!  Yeah, Iíll pick you up at seven.  Okay.  Hey, Amy . . . Amy . . . put your face up to the phone."  Balki performs a Curly Shuffle toward the phone, saying, "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!"  Larry enters the kitchen as Balki hangs up.  "Good morning," Larry says cheerfully.  "Hi, Cousin," Balki greets him, "Everything all right between you and Jennifer?"  "Well, of course it is," Larry assures Balki as he pours a cup of coffee, "Iím her husband.  I explained things to her and she accepted it."  "Boy, I . . . I wish I had your ability to handle women," Balki comments.  "Well, you donít," Larry replies, "Oh, and, uh . . . since youíre gonna be dating again weíve got to establish a few ground rules, all right?  Number one, the next time you go out to meet women . . . I am not permitted to come."

"Number two," Larry continues, "if youíre gonna bring home more than one woman at a time call me first so that I, and my pajamas, can spend the night at a hotel."  There is a knock at the back door.  "Oh, and number three," Larry continues as he goes to answer the door, "If you break either rules number one or number two . . . thereís no such thing as too many flowers."  Larry opens the door to reveal a delivery man holding a huge bouquet of flowers.  Larry takes the flowers and says, "Thank you."  The delivery man leaves and Larry closes the door behind him.  "Iíll be taking these right upstairs," Larry says, and he starts to carry the flowers out of the kitchen but stops to add, "Oh, uh . . . let me know when the man from the jewelry store gets here."  On their expressions the episode ends.

Script Variations:
There are some notable differences between the shooting script dated February 6, 1992 and the final episode:
The opening scene was actually a bit longer.  It began with Larry and Jennifer coming downstairs into the living room with Jennifer dressed in her flight uniform and carrying an overnight bag.  "Alright, now have you got your list of things to do while I'm gone?"  "Yes," Larry answers as he checks off the list, "I have a week to change the filter on the furnace, fix the leak in the guest bathroom and renew Balki's enthusiasm for living."  "Ever since Mary Anne moved out, Balki's been going downhill," Jennifer notes.  "Jennifer, I agree that when Balki and Mary Anne broke up he took it a little hard at first, but I think he's much better now," Larry says.  Balki enters from the kitchen, unshaven and dressed in pajamas and a robe.  He shuffles slowly toward the chair, singing sadly, "All day, all night, Mary Anne, down by the seaside sifting sand."  Balki flops into the chair.  "I'll talk to him," Larry tells Jennifer.  "Somehow when you say it, it scares me," Jennifer sighs, then she tells him, "I'll see you next week."  They kiss goodbye and Jennifer leaves.  "Even little children loved Mary Anne . . . " Balki sings, and then he adds, "I know I did."  This is when Larry approaches Balki and urges him to talk.
- After Balki asks Larry if he thinks he's turning into a couch tomato, Larry corrects, "Potato, couch potato."  "You say potato, I say tomato," Balki responds, "Let's call the whole thing off."  He then says in a disheartened voice, "Where do I come up with them?"
- After Balki says it's natural that he would be sad now that Mary Anne is gone, he acts as if he recovers and insists, "I'm fine, I'm fine."
- When Larry returns to Balki at the bar he says, "Balki, I think I see a girl you can talk to."
- When Balki brings Beth into the house and she says she doesn't feel well, Balki comments, "It didn't affect your singing of 'Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall.'"  Then Balki and Amy both add, "All ninety-nine verses."
- After Balki tells Beth she can use the bedroom on the right and sadly notes, "No one lives there anymore," he quickly adds, "I'm fine, I'm fine."  Beth also repeats, "I'm fine, I'm fine."
- At the beginning of Act Two, Larry asks, "Balki, why is there a woman in my bed?"  "Okay, okay," Balki thinks, "Why is there a woman in your bed, why is there a woman in your bed?  Give me a minute.  'To get to the other side.'  No, that's 'Why is there a chicken in my bed?'"  "Balki, this is not a riddle," Larry snaps, "There is a woman sleeping in my bed."
After Balki sadly explains to Larry that he told Beth she could sleep in Mary Anne's old room and he sighs, "No one lives there any more," he quickly adds, "I'm fine, I'm fine."
After Larry says, "No . . . lunch.  No . . . dinner," he continues, "I'll bet you haven't eaten all day."  "No, I haven't," Jennifer admits, "But I'm really not hungry.  I'm exhausted and I want to go to bed."  Jennifer tries to take her suitcase again.  "No!" Larry insists, "If you don't eat something, the digestive juices could eat a hole in your stomach within a matter of hours."  Larry then suggests Jennifer have some hot chocolate.
When Larry runs into the living room and tells Balki he needs to talk to him, Balki argues, "Not now, Cousin, this is the message part of the cartoon where Woody reveals his compassion for all mankind.  Then he dives into a glass of water."  This is when Balki and Amy laugh and then look so serious.
After Balki says he'll make Larry some hot chocolate and tells Jennifer to go on to bed, Larry tells Balki to "shut up."  Then after Larry orders Balki upstairs, Jennifer complains, "I don't know what's going on here, Larry, but it's late."  This is when Larry reminds her about Mr. Woo's Kung Pao Chicken.  After he asks, "Did I say, 'Jennifer, it's late?'" Jennifer says, "No."  "No, I just wrapped my shoes in plastic and off I went," Larry recalls.
When Larry is shaking Beth, Balki says, "Cousin, don't shake her, she's going to lose count."
Instead of singing "Casper, the Friendly Ghost," Balki just moans like a ghost.
After Jennifer comes out of the bathroom looking stunned and asks, "Why is there a woman in our bathtub," Balki answers, "Isn't that the universal question?  Why is there a woman in anyone's bathtub?"
In this script it is described that Balki does the two finger eye poke into the phone as he says "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk."
The final line where Larry tells Balki to let him know when the man from the jewelry store gets there is not in this script.

Continue on to the next episode . . .