Strangers Episode Guide
142 - Chicago Suite
First Air Date:
April 11, 1992
Filming Date: February 7, 1992
Nielsen Rating: 5.8 HH
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Tom Amundsen
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Julie Uribe: Amy
Paige Pengra: Beth
Appearances: Dimitriís photo can be see on the fireplace mantel.
"What? You think Iím turning into a couch tomato?"
"For your infomercial, I am not depressed."
"Well, where are the caribou?"
"Oh, Iím sorry. I didnít mean to be fresh."
ridiculous: Not said in this episode.
used in this episode:
"Oh, go on with you!"
"Get out of the city!"
"Oh po po!"
"Oh my Lord!"
"Well, we gotta talk about that."
Other running jokes
used in this episode:
Larry sniffs at something
Larry answers a question of Balkiís facetiously just to move on
Larry and Balki hop up onto bar stools simultaneously
Balki hugs someone when he first meets them instead of shaking hands
Balki pushes someone away repeatedly, harder each time, until he almost knocks
Balki leaps over the back of the couch
Balki and Larry do the "eh eh" make bonding run (when Larry makes
"knowing" sounds and Balki imitates them, only to find out Balki doesnít
know what Larryís talking about)
Larry does a spit take
Jokes are made about Larryís height
Balki laughs at his own joke
"Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall" - sung by Beth when sheís
"Casper, the Friendly Ghost" - sung by Balki as "Balki, the
Friendly Ghost" when he has a sheet over him
title of this episode was inspired by Neil Simonís play California
Suite. Loosely based on his previous popular work, Plaza Suite, the
play is a series of four vignettes which take place around a specific one
bedroom suite at the Beverly Hills Hotel. This episode's nod to the play was probably because of the second
of these scenarios, the segment entitled Visitor from Philadelphia, in which a
married man wakes up to find an unconscious woman in his bed, whom he must hide
from his wife. In 1978, the play was made into a film starring Alan Alda,
Jane Fonda, Walter Matthau, Bill Cosby, Richard Pryor and Michael Caine.
- The first scene with Balki moping about in his
bathrobe is very reminiscent of the scene in which Larry was pining over
Jennifer when she was going out with college friend before they became engaged
in the sixth season episode The
- Julie Uribe, who played Amy, also made
appearances in episodes of Family Matters and Step by Step, as
well as The Drew Carey Show. She has since been working as a
supervising producer on such projects as the behind-the-scenes documentaries on The
Lord of the Rings.
- After the scenes in which Mark was barking and
growling with such fury, warm-up comedian Robert G. Lee called him, "The
pitbull of acting."
The scene in which Larry and Balki attempt to move the mostly unconscious Beth
from the bedroom could have easily been inspired by a classic Buster Keaton
sketch which he used in several films in which he attempts to move an inebriated
or unconscious woman with varying success. One example is in the film Spite
Marriage, and you can watch the scene here.
- Paige Pengra, who played the inebriated Beth,
also made appearances on Murder, She Wrote, Dallas, Whoís the Boss?, Dear
John, Ferris Bueller, Knots Landing, Life Goes On, Full House, Blossom and The
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
episode begins at the house one day. We hear Larryís voice saying,
"Balki, youíve been moping around ever since Mary Anne moved out.
Come on." In the living room, we see Balki laying in one of the
chairs. Heís unshaven, unkempt and wearing a bathrobe. Larry walks
over to him and says, "Okay, Balki? Balki . . . come on. Come
on." Larry starts to try to pull Balki up out of the chair.
"Hello," Balki says lifelessly, not helping Larry at all.
"Hi . . . hi," Larry answers as he pulls Balki to his feet, "Get
up. Get up. Here we go. Balki . . . we have to
talk." Balki starts to walk away from Larry, mumbling, "No, no
Cousin . . . I donít . . . I . . . " Larry is stepping on the back
of Balkiís long robe which stops Balki from moving further away. "I
donít wanna talk," Balki continues, "Thereís a . . . thereís a
Woody Woodpecker marathon thatís gonna be on. I can use a good
meekly imitates Woody Woodpeckerís laugh, which then turns into tears.
Larry steps off the robe and Balki drops dejectedly onto the couch and
cries. "All right, no . . . Balki . . . Balki . . . we have to talk
now," Larry insists as he sits next to Balki on the couch, "For the
past two weeks all youíve done is mope around the house and watch
TV." "What? You think Iím turning into a couch
tomato?" Balki asks. "All right, Balki, you canít keep sitting
around the house depressed," Larry sighs. "For your infomercial,
I am not depressed," Balki insists, "Iím just sad. Okay?
And Iíve come to terms with that. Thereís nothing wrong with being sad
now that M . . . Mary Anne is gone." "Balki, youíve got to get
on with your life," Larry suggests, "Youíve gotta get out there and
meet new people." Balki drops his head back on the couch and whines,
"I donít wanna meet new people! Iím okay!"
gets up from the couch and walks over to a nearby stand to get a silver
tray. He carries it over to Balki and holds it up like a mirror.
"All right, look at this," Larry orders. Balki looks up at the
tray and comments, "Thatís a very nice frame, Cousin." He look
closer and asks, "Why is there a picture of a dead man in it?"
"Thatís not a picture of a dead man," Larry informs him, "Thatís
your reflection." "We gotta get out and meet people!" Balki
says hurriedly, "Come on!" Balki jumps up from the couch and
grabs Larryís hand, leading him to the front door. Larry stands on Balkiís
robe again to keep him from leaving. "All right, all right, all
right," Larry agrees, reaching down to grab Balkiís robe and reel him
back in, "Yes, yes . . . yes, yeah . . . you gotta get out there . . . you
gotta get out there and meet some new people." "Yeah!"
Balki agrees. "But first, youíve gotta get dressed," Larry
points out. Larry sniffs at Balki and adds, "And maybe a bath."
next scene takes place at a singleís bar called the Kozy Korner. People
are milling around. There is a large, square bar in the center of the
room. Larry and Balki enter and look around. Both are dressed
nicely. "Cousin . . . I thought you said you were taking me to a
watering hole," Balki says. "Thatís right," Larry
nods. "Well, where are the caribou?" Balki asks. Larry
eyes Balki warily, then answers, "Theyíll be here later." They
step to the front of the center bar as Larry explains, "All right, now . .
. hereís what weíre gonna do. Iím gonna give you a little
orientation, maybe get you started in a conversation with somebody, then you are
on your own." "Thank you, Cousin," Balki says, "Thank
you. What would I do without you?" "Youíd be lost,"
Larry answers. They hop up onto a couple of bar stools. A
dark-haired woman in a blue dress is sitting next to Balki and she and Balki
start to eye each other immediately.
I havenít been in a singles bar for a long, long time," Larry states, not
noticing that Balki is already hitting it off with someone, "But I guess
the rules havenít changed." Larry pulls on Balkiís arm just as
Balki is about to say something to the girl. "Now, youíre gonna be
a little nervous at first," Larry says, "Donít worry. Just
remember, itís a numbers game." Balki looks at the girl again and
smiles, beginning, "Hello, my name is . . . " Larry pulls on
Balkiís arm again, interrupting him. "There are plenty of
opportunities out there," Larry lectures, "But youíre gonna have to
talk to four or five girls before you get one to talk back to you."
Larry turns around to scan the bar for potential women for Balki. Balki
turns back to the woman beside him and smiles, saying, "Hello. Iím
Balki." "Hi, Iím Amy," the girl introduces herself,
reaching out to shake Balkiís hand. Balki gets off his stool and hugs
her instead, causing her to utter a surprised, "Oh!" She laughs
and looks shy as Balki sits back down.
turns back and grabs Balkiís shoulder, continuing, "And if you are lucky
enough to get one to talk to you, just donít forget rejection is a part of the
game, okay? Donít take it personally. Iím gonna scout
around." Larry gets up and starts walking around the bar.
"Youíre kind of cute," Amy tells Balki. "Oh, go on with
you!" Balki says shyly, pushing at her face slightly. "No, you are
cute!" Amy insists, giving Balkiís shoulder a playful push in
return. "Oh, go on with you!" Balki playfully shoves her face a
little harder. "No, really!" Amy smiles, pushing Balki a little
harder in return. "Oh go on . . . !" Balki says, shoving Amyís
face and causing her to topple off her bar stool. She sits back down and
straightens her hair, laughing, "My fault!" Larry returns to
Balki and places a hand on his arm, saying, "Okay, Balki, I think I found a
girl you can talk to. Come with me." "Cousin, Cousin . . .
this is Amy," Balki introduces, "Sheís a girl that I can talk
to. Amy, this is my Cousin Larry." "Hi," Amy smiles
as she shakes Larryís hand. "Nice to meet you, Amy," Larry
Amy looks at Balki and smiles.
"Well, uh . . . I guess, uh . . . my job here is done," Larry
surmises, "Balki . . . Balki . . . " Balki is smiling at Amy and
not paying attention to Larry. Larry slaps Balkiís chest and says,
"See you back at home." "Bye," Balki says. Larry
leaves the bar. "Cousin Larry come up with the idea of taking me
here," Balki explains to Amy, "I was gonna stay home and, uh . . . you
know, just . . . watch the Woody Woodpecker marathon." "I love
Woody Woodpecker!" Amy says. "Get out of the city!" Balki
exclaims, pushing Amy. This time Amy catches herself and Balki also grabs
her arm to keep her from falling over. "No, I love him!" Amy
explains. "Amy, do you want to come home with me?" Balki asks,
"I could make some hot chocolate and we could watch the end of the Woody
smiles and says, "That is so refreshing!" "Oh, Iím
sorry," Balki apologizes, "I didnít mean to be fresh."
"No! I . . . I meant itís sweet!" Amy assures him, "Balki,
you may not believe this but youíre the first man to offer me hot chocolate
and a cartoon marathon." "Is that a yes?" Balki asks
hopefully. "It would be, but I came with my friend Beth and I canít
leave without her," Amy explains. We see Beth, who is sitting at a
table with some other people. She is holding a drink and looks completely
zoned out. "Oh, do . . . do you think she would like to come with
us?" Balki asks. "Probably," Amy nods, "I think sheíd
be happy to leave this place. She doesnít really like it
here." "Oh well, if she donít like it now just wait Ďtil the
caribou get here!" Balki notes. Amy laughs and pushes Balki away,
nearly knocking him off his bar stool. Balki sits back up and says,
"Oh, my fault!"
at the house, Amy opens the front door and Balki enters, semi-carrying Beth who
has her arm around Balkiís shoulder. Beth looks completely blitzed as
they bring her inside. "Okay, here we are!" Balki announces,
"Here we are. Here we are." "I donít feel very
well," Beth slurs. "Well, that, uh . . . didnít affect your
singing any," Balki notes, "We . . . we very much enjoyed your
rendition of ĎNinety-Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall.í"
"Hey!" Beth says, turning her head toward Balki. Balki turns his
head away quickly, covering his nose with an, "Oh!" "I
think I should lay down for a while," Beth murmurs. She starts to
move toward the couch. "All righty," Balki says, "Well,
look, I got an idea. Why donít we take you . . . woo!" Balki
steers Beth to the stairs. " . . . take you over here . . . take you
right over here and you know what? You can go right on upstairs. If
you go up the stairs and turn to the right thereís a . . . thereís a bedroom
you can use." Balkiís voice grows sad as he sighs, "Nobodyís
. . . using it right now."
Beth stumbles up the stairs, shouting
back, "Iím fine!" Balki watches her until she gets to the
bedroom and then runs to the couch, jumping over
the back of it to sit with Amy. "Well, are you ready for the wild and
wacky wonderful world of Woody Woodpecker?" "Ready!" Amy
smiles. Balki is about to reach for the remote when Larry enters from the
kitchen with a cup of cocoa. "Hi, Balki," Larry says, and then
he sees Amy and says, "Oh! Oh! Iím sorry, I . . . I didnít
know you had a . . . guest." "Cousin, this is my friend
Amy," Balki reintroduces her. "Hello, again," Amy smiles as
she shakes hands with Larry. "Yes, weíve met," Larry says,
"Well! Uh . . . Iíll just, uh . . . leave you two
alone." Larry gawks at them with his mouth open as he walks to the
stairs. "Good night!" he says knowingly. As Larry starts
up the stairs Balki imitates Woody Woodpecker and exclaims, "Guess
who?" He and Amy both do the Woody Woodpecker laugh simultaneously,
leaving Larry looking very confused.
says to Amy, "If things go really well, later on, after the Woody
Woodpecker marathon . . . " "Uh huh?" Amy says.
"I might carve our initials in a tree with my nose," Balki continues,
"Iíve been told . . . I have the nose for it." Larry suddenly
comes marching down the stairs and straight to Balki. "Balki, come
with me," Larry insists, reaching over the back of the couch to take Balkiís
arm and pull him away. "Cousin, Cousin, not now!" Balki pleads
as Larry drags him from the couch, "Please! Girl on the couch!
Girl on the couch!" "Excuse us," Larry says to Amy as he
pushes Balki toward the kitchen. Balki does the Woody Woodpecker laugh
until Larry pushes him into the kitchen door, causing Balki to cry, "Ow!"
Once inside the kitchen, Larry says seriously, "Balki, there is a woman in
my bed!" Balki looks surprised as the scene fades to black.
Act two begins with an establishing shot
of the house as we hear Larry ask, "Balki, why is there a woman in my
bed?" "Oh po po!" Balki says, "That
must be Amyís friend, Beth. She wasnít feeling very well so I told her
that she could go upstairs and sleep in the room right on the right. No
oneís . . . no oneís using that room." Balki looks sad
again. "She must have gone into the wrong room. I . . . Iíll
just go move her right now." Balki starts to leave the kitchen but
Larry stops him. "Hang on . . . no, no, no. No, thereís no
hurry," Larry assures him, "Weíll move her later. Jenniferís
on a flight and . . . youíve got better things to do. Huh?
Eh?" Larry makes suggestive noises to Balki and laughs. Balki
mimics Larry. "Uh? Ah!" Larry exclaims in sequence with
Balki repeating them and making similar knowing expressions. "Youíre
gonna watch Woody Woodpecker, arenít you?" Larry finally asks.
"You know me so well," Balki smiles. Balki returns to the living
room as Larry pours himself more cocoa from a pan on the stove.
starts to drink the cocoa when the back door opens and Jennifer enters.
"Hi, Larry!" Jennifer greets him. Larry does a spit take,
spraying cocoa from his mouth. He eyes Jennifer with surprise and
exclaims, "Ooh! Ah! Jennifer!" He takes her suitcase
and says, "Hi! Hi! Well, w . . . w . . . what are you doing
home? What happened?" "Well, my flight to New York was
three hours late," Jennifer explains, "When I got there the connecting
flight to London was canceled so I had to wait around the airport for six hours
before I could catch another flight home. All I want to do is go to bed
and forget this day ever happened." Jennifer walks around Larry but
Larry grabs the suitcase to pull her back, snarling, "No!"
"What do you mean, ĎNo?í" Jennifer asks. "No . . .
lunch? No . . . dinner?" Larry covers, "You know . . . you . . .
you should have a . . . a nice cup of hot cocoa." Larry gets a mug
from the cupboard and pours some cocoa for Jennifer. "Iíll give you
the last little bit here," Larry smiles, then he hands her the mug and
says, "Here. Here. Huh? And . . . and this will help you
Larry directs Jennifer to sit at the
counter. "Well, yeah . . . I . . . I guess a little hot chocolate
would help me relax," Jennifer agrees, although she
looks confused. "Iíll just go in the other room, tell Balki youíre
home early," Larry says, then he laughs, "Heís gonna be so
surprised!" Larry runs into the living room where Balki and Amy are
laughing heartily at the Woody Woodpecker cartoon. They suddenly stop
laughing at the exact same moment and look seriously at the screen, as something
dramatic in the cartoon takes place. "Balki, I have to talk to
you!" Larry says, grabbing Balki by the arm and pulling him off the couch,
"Now!" "Cousin . . . " Balki starts to protest but
Larry pulls him off the couch and over by the window seat where Balki falls into
a chair. Larry crouches down to talk to him. "Jennifer came
home early," Larry says, "Sheís in the kitchen right now. You
have to get rid of the girl!" "Why should I get rid of the
girl?" Balki asks. "Because my marriage is at stake!" Larry
says. "Well, I donít want to get . . . " Balki begins.
Larry snarls in such a growling voice heís not even intelligible. Balki
looks startled as Larry runs back into the kitchen.
Larry enters the kitchen he runs into Jennifer, who is about to leave the
kitchen with her mug and suitcase. "Oh, where ya goiní, Jen?"
Larry asks. "Iím going to bed," Jennifer says. "Oh,
no can do, Jen," Larry counters, "No, to get to the bedroom you have
to walk through the living room." "I know that, Larry,"
Jennifer assures him, "In the six months Iíve lived here Iíve pretty
much memorized the route." "Oh no no no no no," Larry says,
steering Jennifer back to the stool at the counter, "See, no, no . . . no,
you donít understand." Larry runs to the other side of the counter
to talk to her. "Balki met a girl," Larry explains.
"Already?" Jennifer asks with surprise, "That was fast. I
thought it would take you about three days just to get him out of his
pajamas." "Oh no," Larry says, "Heís a fast
worker. Yeah, heís entertaining her in the living room right now.
Yes, thatís why we canít interrupt them. Yeah, theyíre watching a
cartoon marathon and, uh, then Balkiís gonna teach her how to make, uh, shadow
"So, w . . . where did he meet
her?" Jennifer asks. "In a singles bar," Larry smiles, then
covers with, "At least thatís what he told me! I . . . I . . . you
know, I wasnít there. I was . . . What . . . what would I be doing
in a singles bar? I . . . Iím . . . Iím a married man." He
takes Jenniferís hand in
his and adds, "Happily married. Happiest." Jennifer
smiles. Balki enters the kitchen and approaches them, giving Larry the
thumbs up. Balki waves at Jennifer and says, "Hi!"
"Hi!" Jennifer replies. "Hi!" Balki repeats.
"So, howís it going with your friend?" Jennifer asks.
"Well, Jennifer, sheís just unlike anyone Iíve ever met before,"
Balki says, "Sheís such a Woody Woodpecker fan. There was a certain
magic in the room until she had to leave." "Oh well, I guess I
can go to bed now," Jennifer realizes. She leans across the counter
to kiss Larry and says, "Good night." "Good night,"
Larry says. Jennifer picks up her suitcase and leaves the kitchen.
Larry runs to Balki and asks, "Why did Amy leave?" "You
told me to get rid of the girl," Balki reminds him. "Whereís
the girl in my bed?" Larry asks. "Probably still in your
bed," Balki guesses. Larry look shocked and hurries out of the
kitchen to catch Jennifer.
rushes to the bottom of the stairs just as Jenniferís starting up and screams,
"Nnn, wait!" "What?" Jennifer asks, turning
back. Larry grabs the mug of cocoa and sniffs at it, saying, "Oh boy,
that hot chocolate smells good! W . . . w . . . would you mind, uh, making
me a cup?" "Larry, Iím tired. I just want to go to
bed," Jennifer sighs with exhaustion. "Well, I . . . I . . .
Cousin, Iíll make you a cup of hot chocolate," Balki offers,
"Jennifer, run along." Balki starts for the kitchen as Jennifer
starts upstairs. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no," Larry says,
grabbing Balkiís arm to stop him. He then realizes Jennifer is leaving
and runs up the stairs to grab her arm and pull her back down and leading her to
the kitchen, saying, "No, no! No, no! No, no! No,
no! Is . . . is it so much to ask that my wife make me a cup of hot
chocolate?" "Well, it is a little unreasonable," Balki
observes. "I am not talking to you!" Larry turns around
and barks at Balki quickly, "Just go upstairs! Go upstairs!"
Balki starts for the staircase and then turns back, but Larry growls again and
Balki hurries upstairs.
Larry collects himself and tells Jennifer,
"He forgot to clean his room." "Larry, itís late,"
Jennifer states. "Oh, itís late!" Larry says sarcastically,
"Oh, itís late! Excuse me . . . you know, I seem to remember a
night last week when it was very late and you insisted that I go cross
town in a driving rainstorm because you had a craving for Mr. Wooís Kung Pao
Chicken! And did I say, ĎJennifer . . . itís lateí?"
"All right, fine, Larry," Jennifer says coolly, "Iíll make your
hot chocolate." She walks into the kitchen. "Thank
you," Larry says after her, "Thank you. And . . . and donít
forget the little marshmallows. Itís just not hot chocolate without the
little marshmallows." Larry closes the door of the kitchen slowly as
he speaks, then he runs to the stairs were Balki is walking down.
"Cousin, I was right. Beth is still in your bed," Balki reports,
"Sheís got a little bit of drool running down her chin."
"All right, letís go!" Larry says, and he starts to run up the
stairs but immediately trips on Jenniferís suitcase, which she has left on the
first step. Larry gets to his feet and begins snarling at Balki, "Get
up the stairs! Get up the stairs!" then runs behind Balki and
barks and growls as he chases him upstairs.
They reach Larry and Jenniferís bedroom
where Beth is lying in the bed with the covers pulled up to her chin, sound
asleep. Larry and Balki crawl
onto the bed and Larry says gently as he shakes her slightly, "Beth?
Beth? Beth, wake up! Time to rise and shine!"
"Forty-five bottles of beer on the wall," Beth sings sloppily in her
sleep. "Beth! Beth!" Larry urges, shaking her more and
more violently. She continues to sing and her voice shakes with her body,
coming out as, "Forty-five bottles o-o-o-o-o-o . . . "
"Cousin, Cousin, Cousin, donít do that!" Balki scolds, "Sheís
gonna lose count." "All right, Balki," Larry says, "Weíll
get her on her feet, weíll walk her around and . . . and sheíll wake
up." Larry and Balki jump back off the bed and Larry pulls the sheets
down to reveal Beth is wearing his red striped pajamas. "Balki, sheís
wearing my pajamas," Larry notes in horror. "You know
what? They look kind of good on her," Balki notes, "She fills
them out a little more. The pant legs could be longer." Balki
laughs at his own joke. "All right, letís get her up," Larry
suggests, and Larry crawls on the bed to take Beth and start to lift her up.
on," Larry coaxes, "Come on. Come on. Here we
go." Larry gets her into a sitting position as Balki takes her
feet. "Here we go. Here we go. Come on now," Larry
continues to urge, "Come on." Balki pulls on her feet and they
move her to the end of the bed. "Come on, here we go," Balki
joins in. "Come on . . . here we go . . . there we go," Larry
says as she reaches the end of the bed and slips down to sit on the floor.
Larry lays on the bed behind her, holding her head up, and urges Balki,
"All right, put her feet down. Put her feet down." He
holds Bethís upper body to Balki and says, "Here, lift her up. Just
lift her up. Okay?" Balki takes Bethís arms and pulls her
toward him as Larry jumps off the bed to come help. Balki grabs Beth
around the chest and pulls her to his feet with Larry standing behind, trying to
help. Larry hooks Bethís arm around his neck and says, "All right,
come on. Letís . . . letís just get her to the door. Get her to
the door." They become a bizarre three people sandwich as Balki and
Larry try to keep Beth up between them and move her to the bedroom door.
right . . . all right . . . all right," Larry says, "Now get the door
. . . get the door . . . get the door." Balki leaves Larry holding
Beth as he turns around to open the bedroom door. "Yeah, okay,"
Larry says, turning Beth around so sheís leaning into him. Suddenly
Jenniferís voice calls down from below, "Larry, do you have to have the
marshmallows? I canít find them anywhere!" "Uh,
yes! Yes, I have to have the marshmallows!" Larry calls back, "I
. . . Iíll be right down to help you look for them!" Larry urges
Balki, "Here, take her! Take her!" Balki takes Beth in his
arms, holding her up. Larry is about to leave when he tells Balki,
"Just find her clothes and hide her! If Jennifer sees her here, my
marriage is over!" Larry runs out of the bedroom and down the stairs
where Jennifer is walking up with her suitcase. Larry grabs Jenniferís
suitcase and leads her back down the stairs. "Larry, your hot
chocolate is in the kitchen," Jennifer reports, "If you want
marshmallows, go buy them yourself. Iím going to bed."
starts up the stairs but Larry grabs her hand and pulls her back.
"Youíre angry, arenít you?" Larry asks. "Larry, I have
every right to be angry!" Jennifer insists, "Youíve been acting like
a lunatic ever since I got home." "All right, well maybe I am a
little tense," Larry says, "But thereís a good reason for it.
Iíve been under a lot of pressure lately. But the good thing is weíre
talking about it. And . . . and I . . . I think that communication is the
basis of . . . of . . . of a good marriage. Donít you agree?"
"Okay, Larry," Jennifer sighs, "Itís late and Iím exhausted
but . . . if itís that important to you . . . weíll talk." Balki
leans down over the staircase and gives Larry the thumbs up. "Not
now, youíre tired," Larry tells Jennifer, who looks utterly baffled,
"Letís turn in." Larry picks up Jenniferís suitcase and
follows her up the stairs. Larry opens the door to their bedroom and looks
inside anxiously but Beth is nowhere in sight.
Iím glad this day is over," Jennifer sighs as she rubs her temples and
walks into their walk-in closet. Larry laughs as he pulls the bedspread
off the bed and says, "Well, youíll never know how much I agree with
you." Balki enters the bedroom and says quietly, "Cousin,
Cousin, I . . . I hid all of Bethís clothes." "Good!"
Larry says as he tries to push Balki out. "No, not good," Balki
explains, holding up a womanís black high heel shoe, "I . . . I could
only find one shoe. The other one is here somewhere." "Oh
my Lord!" Larry gasps, "All right, weíve gotta find that shoe before
Jennifer does." Balki gets down on the floor at the foot of the bed
to look beneath it as Larry pulls off the top sheet and throws it over Balki.
Larry looks under the pillows and then lays down to look under the bed as Balki
says, "Got it!" Balki stands up with the sheet over him and
starts to sing, "Balki, the friendly ghost! The friendliest ghost you
pulls the sheet off Balki and says, "Stop it!" "I always
say hello . . . " Balki continues to sing. "Get out!" Larry
orders. Jennifer walks out of the closet and asks, "Balki, what are
you doing here?" Balki hides the shoes behind his back and says,
"What am I doing here? What . . . am I doing here? Well,
isnít that the universal question? I mean, what are any of us doing
here?" "Iím going to go take a shower," Jennifer states,
and she walks into the bathroom. "Balki, we did it," Larry sighs
with relief, "Whereíd you hide Beth?" "Well, we gotta
talk about that," Balki says with a guilty tone, "See, um . . . I didnít
have much time and my options were few." "What does that
mean?" Larry asks. Jennifer walks out of the bathroom looking stunned
and asks, "Why is there a woman in our bathtub?" Larry stands
next morning in the kitchen, Balki is on the phone. "Youíre
kidding, Amy," Balki smiles as he talks into the receiver, "You like
The Three Stooges, too? Iíd love to go to their film festival!
Yeah, Iíll pick you up at seven. Okay. Hey, Amy . . . Amy . . .
put your face up to the phone." Balki performs a Curly Shuffle toward
the phone, saying, "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!" Larry enters the kitchen
as Balki hangs up. "Good morning," Larry says cheerfully.
"Hi, Cousin," Balki greets him, "Everything all right between you
and Jennifer?" "Well, of course it is," Larry assures Balki
as he pours a cup of coffee, "Iím her husband. I explained things
to her and she accepted it." "Boy, I . . . I wish I had your
ability to handle women," Balki comments. "Well, you donít,"
Larry replies, "Oh, and, uh . . . since youíre gonna be dating again weíve
got to establish a few ground rules, all right? Number one, the next time
you go out to meet women . . . I am not permitted to come."
two," Larry continues, "if youíre gonna bring home more than one
woman at a time call me first so that I, and my pajamas, can spend the night at
a hotel." There is a knock at the back door. "Oh, and
number three," Larry continues as he goes to answer the door, "If you
break either rules number one or number two . . . thereís no such thing as too
many flowers." Larry opens the door to reveal a delivery man holding
a huge bouquet of flowers. Larry takes the flowers and says, "Thank
you." The delivery man leaves and Larry closes the door behind
him. "Iíll be taking these right upstairs," Larry says, and he
starts to carry the flowers out of the kitchen but stops to add, "Oh, uh .
. . let me know when the man from the jewelry store gets here." On
their expressions the episode ends.
There are some notable
differences between the shooting script dated February 6, 1992 and the final episode:
opening scene was actually a bit longer. It began with Larry and Jennifer
coming downstairs into the living room with Jennifer dressed in her flight
uniform and carrying an overnight bag. "Alright, now have you got
your list of things to do while I'm gone?" "Yes," Larry
answers as he checks off the list, "I have a week to change the filter on
the furnace, fix the leak in the guest bathroom and renew Balki's enthusiasm for
living." "Ever since Mary Anne moved out, Balki's been going
downhill," Jennifer notes. "Jennifer, I agree that when Balki
and Mary Anne broke up he took it a little hard at first, but I think he's much
better now," Larry says. Balki enters from the kitchen, unshaven and
dressed in pajamas and a robe. He shuffles slowly toward the chair,
singing sadly, "All day, all night, Mary Anne, down by the seaside sifting
sand." Balki flops into the chair. "I'll talk to
him," Larry tells Jennifer. "Somehow when you say it, it scares
me," Jennifer sighs, then she tells him, "I'll see you next
week." They kiss goodbye and Jennifer leaves. "Even little
children loved Mary Anne . . . " Balki sings, and then he adds, "I
know I did." This is when Larry approaches Balki and urges him to
After Balki asks Larry if he thinks he's turning into a couch tomato, Larry
corrects, "Potato, couch potato." "You say potato, I say
tomato," Balki responds, "Let's call the whole thing off."
He then says in a disheartened voice, "Where do I come up with them?"
After Balki says it's natural that he would be sad now that Mary Anne is gone,
he acts as if he recovers and insists, "I'm fine, I'm fine."
When Larry returns to Balki at the bar he says, "Balki, I think I see a
girl you can talk to."
Balki brings Beth into the house and she says she doesn't feel well, Balki
comments, "It didn't affect your singing of 'Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer on
the Wall.'" Then Balki and Amy both add, "All ninety-nine
Balki tells Beth she can use the bedroom on the right and sadly notes, "No
one lives there anymore," he quickly adds, "I'm fine, I'm
fine." Beth also repeats, "I'm fine, I'm fine."
the beginning of Act Two, Larry asks, "Balki, why is there a woman in my
bed?" "Okay, okay," Balki thinks, "Why is there a
woman in your bed, why is there a woman in your bed? Give me a
minute. 'To get to the other side.' No, that's 'Why is there a
chicken in my bed?'" "Balki, this is not a riddle," Larry
snaps, "There is a woman sleeping in my bed."
- After Balki sadly
explains to Larry that he told Beth she could sleep in Mary Anne's old room and
he sighs, "No one lives there any more," he quickly adds, "I'm
fine, I'm fine."
- After Larry says,
"No . . . lunch. No . . . dinner," he continues, "I'll bet
you haven't eaten all day." "No, I haven't," Jennifer
admits, "But I'm really not hungry. I'm exhausted and I want to go to
bed." Jennifer tries to take her suitcase again.
"No!" Larry insists, "If you don't eat something, the digestive
juices could eat a hole in your stomach within a matter of hours."
Larry then suggests Jennifer have some hot chocolate.
- When Larry runs into
the living room and tells Balki he needs to talk to him, Balki argues, "Not
now, Cousin, this is the message part of the cartoon where Woody reveals his
compassion for all mankind. Then he dives into a glass of
water." This is when Balki and Amy laugh and then look so serious.
- After Balki says
he'll make Larry some hot chocolate and tells Jennifer to go on to bed, Larry
tells Balki to "shut up." Then after Larry orders Balki
upstairs, Jennifer complains, "I don't know what's going on here, Larry,
but it's late." This is when Larry reminds her about Mr. Woo's Kung
Pao Chicken. After he asks, "Did I say, 'Jennifer, it's late?'"
Jennifer says, "No." "No, I just wrapped my shoes in
plastic and off I went," Larry recalls.
- When Larry is
shaking Beth, Balki says, "Cousin, don't shake her, she's going to lose
- Instead of singing
"Casper, the Friendly Ghost," Balki just moans like a ghost.
- After Jennifer comes
out of the bathroom looking stunned and asks, "Why is there a woman in our
bathtub," Balki answers, "Isn't that the universal question? Why
is there a woman in anyone's bathtub?"
- In this script it is
described that Balki does the two finger eye poke into the phone as he says
"Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk."
- The final line where
Larry tells Balki to let him know when the man from the jewelry store gets there
is not in this script.
on to the next episode . . .