Strangers Episode Guide
147 - Lethal Weapon
First Air Date:
July 23, 1993
Filming Date: July 29, 1992
Nielsen Rating: 8.1 HH
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Sheri Hearn
Directed by: Judy Askins
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne Bartokomous
Dimitri is not seen in this episode.
" . . . and as I put them down one by one they starting dropping like . . .
ridiculous: Said once in this episode (by Larry!)
used in this episode:
"What are you talking about?" (spoken by Larry)
"Now let me get this straight . . . " (spoken by Jennifer)
"What is the matter with you?"
Other running jokes
used in this episode:
Larry and Balki talk over each other
Balki tries to warn Larry about something but Larry wonít listen
Balki laughs at his own joke
Balki slaps Larry on the back of the head
Balki gets the Exterminiki Curse, which brings instant death to anyone Balki
- The episodeís title is taken from the popular series of action movies
starring Danny Glover and Mel Gibson.
- This episode was to have marked F.J. OíNeilís
final appearance on the series, as well as the last time Balki and Larry were to
be seen at work, but unfortunately the scene which took place at the newspaper
office was cut from the final show. A clip from this omitted scene was
used in the final episodeís montage. The scene in the office actually
was pretty pivotal to the plot and explains why Balki doesnít take Larry
seriously when he starts to choke at home. You can read the entire thing
in the Script Variations below.
- During the live filming someone asked warm-up
comedian Robert Lee if the ants were union ants. Robert replied that no,
they were scab ants.
- Bronson works in yet another Wizard of Oz reference
when he talks about Dave, the great and powerful Wizard of Mypos.
- When Balki says, "Whatís it all about,
Balki?" itís a reference to the theme song of the 1966 movie, Alfie,
starring Michael Caine.
- When Larry mentions that he didnít want to have
to talk to the Bickleys, itís an in-joke referring to co-executive producer
- When Balki tells Larry to "knock three times
on the table if you're faking, twice on your head if the answer is no,"
it's reminiscent of the 1970 Tony Orlando and Dawn song "Knock Three
- When asked during the question and answer period
what kind of cars they all drive, Bronson said he drove a Lexus Coup, Mark a
Nissan 300Z, Melanie a Range Rover, Rebeca a Mercedes 560 FS, and F.J. OíNeil
a Taurus station wagon.
The episode begins one morning at the house. Larry, Jennifer and Mary Anne
are in the kitchen finishing breakfast. Larry carries a frying pan over
the table and asks, "More eggs, Mary Anne?" "Oh, no
thanks," Mary Anne says, "Iím stuffed."
"Jennifer?" Larry offers. "Do you really have to ask,
Larry?" Jennifer wonders. Larry puts some of the scrambled eggs on
her plate. She looks at him expectantly and he pushes the rest of the eggs
onto her plate. She looks at him expectantly again. Larry picks up
Mary Anneís plate and scraped her unfinished eggs onto Jenniferís
plate. She smiles in thanks as Larry takes the plate and pan from the
table. "Whatís taking Balki so long?" Larry asks.
"Oh, he wants to pick the perfect flowers for my morning bouquet,"
Mary Anne smiles.
Balki suddenly bursts in through the back
door and screams, "Call an ambulance! Theyíre all
dying!" Balki runs back outside. Larry looks startled and sets
down the pan and plate, turning to the telephone to dial. "Did . . .
did he say who was dying?" Larry asks. Balki runs back in with one of
his hands cupped. "Balki, whoís dying?" Larry asks.
"All the ants from my ant farm," Balki says sadly, looking into his
hand, "Except Mitch. Iíve still got a pulse on Mitch. Hold
on, Mitch! Hold on! Iím gonna give him mouth-to-mouth."
Balki taps his hand on the counter to drop the ant there. "Iíve
gotta pinch his little nose and tilt his little head back and blow."
Balki struggles to figure out how to do this, then blows onto the counter.
"Be careful!" Mary Anne warns, "Donít overinflate the
lungs!" Balki blows one more time then stands, looking around for the
now missing ant. He checks the counter and the floor, then stops and
starts to cough and gag.
Balki reaches into his mouth with his
pinky and extracts the ant. "Why donít you try to get his little
heart going?" Larry suggests flippantly. "Okay," Balki
says, and he places the ant back on the counter. Balki then places his
palms down over the ant and presses down firmly, sealing Mitchís fate once and
for all. Larry calmly gets a Kleenex as Balki looks around once again for
the missing ant. Larry wipes Mitch off Balkiís hand and announces,
"Balki . . . heís gone." Larry flicks Mitch from the Kleenex
and out the door. Balki starts to sob. "Now what
happened?" Larry asks. "Cousin, I was in the back yard picking
Mary Anneís morning bouquet . . . " He gives a kiss toward Mary
Anne and she returns it. " . . . and I went over to my ant farm to
give them their good morning hug and as I put them down one by one they starting
dropping like . . . " He searches for the right word. " .
. . ants. I need a drink."
Balki walks to the kitchen table and
drinks the last bit of milk from a glass. "Well, Balki, you . . . youíve
had that ant farm for about four and a half years," Larry points out,
"Thatís pretty much the life expectancy for ants." "Not
these ants, Cousin," Balki argues, "They were happy . . . healthy . .
. had everything to live for." "Well, I tell you what you
do," Larry says, "Get a piece of bread, go outside, throw it on the
ground. By noon youíll have a whole new ant farm. Now, who wants
another pop tart?" "Oh, I do," Jennifer answers
immediately. Larry walks over to the toaster when Balki jumps up, suddenly
realizing, "Wait a minute, Cousin! Iíve just . . . Iíve just
figured out what this all means. Iíve got the curse!"
"The curse?" Larry asks, "What curse?" "The
curse!" Balki exclaims, "The Exterminiki Curse! It brings
instant death to anything I touch." Larry looks confused, then asks,
"What are you talking about?"
"Cousin, this has plagued the
Bartokomous family for generations," Balki explains, "In 1583, an
ancestor of mine, Porkos the Butcher, tried to pass off yak knuckles as pig
knuckles. Well, you can imagine the brouhaha. The incensed
population marched up to the great and powerful Wizard of Mypos, Dave, so he put
a curse on Porkos and all his descendants which brings destruction and death to
anything the cursed person touches." "Now let me get this
straight," Jennifer interjects, "Your family curse has returned and
anything you touch dies which is why your ants bought the farm."
"Yes," Balki confirms. "Larry, are you getting that Pop
Tart?" Jennifer asks impatiently. "Oh!" Larry remembers,
and he goes to the toaster. Mary Anne gets up from the table and
approaches Balki, asking, "Oh, Balki. Why you? Why
now?" "Why ask why?" Balki replies, then adds, "But Iíll
tell you anyway. It . . . it just kind of slipped my mind but in his
twenty-ninth year each male member of the Bartokomous family develops a really
bad case of . . . Exterminiki."
"Oh my poor . . . " Mary Anne
begins, walking toward Balki. "Donít touch me! Donít touch
me!" Balki cries, "Stand back, Mary Anne. I am a walking death
machine." "But youíre my walking death machine!"
Mary Anne protests, and she walks toward him again. "No!" Balki
yells, causing Mary Anne to jump back. "Hey, hey, hey, hey,"
Larry says, stepping forward, "Calm down! Calm down! Youíre
not a walking death machine and youíre not cursed!" Larry motions
for Mary Anne to return to the kitchen table. "You . . . you . . .
youíre just a . . . a little upset because you watched your . . . your little
buddies drop dead one by one," Larry continues, "I mean, that . . .
thatís understandable." "Cousin, I loved that ant farm,"
Balki agrees, "I will never forget the look on little Binkiís face as he
fell off his little ant tractor and he looked up at me as if to say, ĎWhatís
it all about, Balki?í" "Well, Balki, I . . . I know this is a
terrible loss for you but thereís got to be a . . . a logical explanation for
what happened," Larry offers.
As Larry speaks he keeps motioning toward
Balki, who continues to pull away from Larry nervously. "I got
it!" Larry announces, "Now, it was a very hot day yesterday. The
ants probably couldnít take the heat. I should have let you air
condition that ant farm when you asked. See? So Iím the one
to blame. Not you! Youíre not cursed!" "Cousin,
you . . . you really think Iím not cursed?" Balki asks hopefully.
"Of course not!" Larry insists, "Donít be
ridiculous!" Balki and Larry both look confused for a moment.
"Well, in that case . . . never mind," Balki smiles, "Iíll just
go outside and get Mary Anneís bouquet. Um, listen, I donít know what
you folks are doing later but the funeral is at two. Iíd like each of
you to say something." Balki walks out through the door into the back
Larry gets the Pop Tarts out of the
toaster and carries them over to Jennifer. "Larry, Iím very proud
of the way you handled that," Jennifer notes, "You handled it
well." "Well, over the years I . . . Iíve learned how to
handle Balki," Larry explains, "You might want to take note of this,
Mary Anne. See, you just, uh, listen to his silly, Myposian ravings . . .
then you spoon-feed him logic, he says, ĎThank you, Cousin,í and everything
is fine." Balki enters through the back door looking serious.
He is carrying several wilted and dead flowers in his hand. "Mary
Anneís flowers," he explains, "They were fresh just a moment
ago. I killed them. I have the Exterminiki Curse. STAND
BACK! If I touch you . . . you die."
Three days later, Mary Anne is sitting on
the couch in the living room reading a newspaper. Larry and Jennifer enter
through the front door carrying pillows. "Hi," Mary Anne greets
them, "How was Lamaze class?" "Same as usual,"
Jennifer answers as they sit on the couch, "They showed the film and Larry
fainted. We did the breathing and Larry fainted. We had a coffee
break and Larry fainted." "Well, the last faint was a fake
faint," Larry insists, "I just didnít want to talk to the Bickleys.
I mean, itís always Ďour fetus thisí and Ďour fetus that.í Howís
Balki doing? Has he come out of his room yet?" "Oh, his
mother express mailed the Exterminiki Curse remedy and heís up there now
testing it on some flowers," Mary Anne explains. "Balki, howís
it goiní up there?" Larry calls. "Well, Cousin, I . . . I
think it works!" Balki calls down, "I havenít dazed the
"Well, he . . . he probably had to
drink some disgusting concoction made of pig by-products," Larry guesses,
"Heíll smell like a slaughterhouse all day but, uh . . . itíll be worth
it." Balki comes down the stairs wearing a horribly atrocious looking
grey suit. It looks as if it is made from the same material used on pot
holders with some twine tassels on the top and down the front. Balki walks
around to the front of the couch and everyone looks startled when they see
him. "Boy, am I lucky!" Balki states, "I thought Mama was
gonna send me the big, ugly suit." Balki sits down on the couch
between Jennifer and Mary Anne. "All I have to do is wear this suit
and our lives can get back to normal," Balki says, then he reaches for the
newspaper on Mary Anneís lap and says, "Whatís this? The business
section? Huh." He licks the mitt on one hand and tries to open
the paper, but canít with the big, clunky mitts.
That night, Larry, Jennifer and Mary Anne
are sitting at the kitchen table as Balki stands by the counter trying to
prepare a salad. Heís not having much luck using the giant mitts for
anything. "Okay, Balki . . . Balki . . . Balki," Larry gets up
and tries to help, "Let me serve the salad." "No, Cousin .
. ." Balki argues. "Just let me serve the salad."
"Cousin, please . . . please, no," Balki begs. "Just let me
serve it . . . let me serve it . . . Balki . . . " "Cousin,
please donít do this," Balki begs, "Listen . . . listen . . . the
only way Iím going to get adjusted back into society is with mitts-on
experience." Larry thinks a moment, then says, "No, Iíll . . .
" "Cousin, please . . . please!" Balki insists. Larry
gives up and returns to the table to sit down. "I think we should
respect Balkiís feelings," Mary Anne notes, "We need to treat him
like any normal person with the touch of death."
Balki struggles to pull the salad fork and
spoon from the bowl and starts to try to toss the salad, getting it
everywhere. Balki then picks up the bowl and carries it over to Larry,
tilting it and using his mitt to push some of the salad out of the bowl and onto
Larryís plate. A lot of the salad falls on the table, on the floor and
on Larry as well. Balki then shakes the bowl to dump more salad on the
plate faster. He moves to his plate and decides, "None for me,
thanks." He then shakes the bowl over Mary Anneís plate.
Balki debates a moment before just tossing the last of the salad in the
direction of Jenniferís plate, getting it all over the table and
Jennifer. Balki sets the empty salad bowl on the counter and picks up a
small bottle, which he brings to the table. "Dressing?" he asks
as Larry ducks. "Uh, no!" Jennifer says, "Uh, why donít
we just go on to the main course? Okay?"
righty," Balki agrees,
"I made roast beef. I hope thatís okay. Itís no toad pot
pie but then again, what is?" "Well, it smells delicious, Balki,"
Mary Anne smiles, then she gives Larry a look and adds, "Right?"
No one replies. "Oh come on, Jennifer!" Mary Anne cries,
"If Larry were dressed like a human pot holder Iíd help you!"
Balki takes the pan with the roast beef out of the oven and proceeds to drop it
onto the counter. Balki rights the pan and gets the roast beef back
inside. "All right," Larry sighs impatiently as he gets up and
walks into the kitchen, "Balki, let me serve the roast beef."
"No," Balki argues, "Cousin, I . . . " "Let me
serve the roast beef." "Let me . . . I got to explain something
to you . . . " "Let me serve it. Donít fight me on
this. Do not fight me on this!" "Listen . . . listen to me
. . . " "Just let me serve the roast beef . . . "
"Donít . . . donít . . . " "Donít interrupt me,"
Larry insists, and he grabs the pan from Balkiís mitts.
Larry immediately lets out a loud scream
and sets the pan back into Balkiís mitts. Larry holds his hands up in
pain and walks back to the table to sit down. "I was just going to
point out that the pan is hot," Balki finally explains. Larry reaches
over and sticks each hand into a glass of iced tea. Balki carries the
roast beef over to the table then trips, dumping the pan and the beef onto Larry
and then falling onto him. Larry screams out, crying, "Ow! Ow!
Ow!" Balki gets back onto his feet and gasps, "Sorry,
Cousin! Sorry, Cousin! Sorry, Cousin! Sorry, Couin!
Would you . . . ?" Balki motions to the roast beef on the
floor. "Would . . . ? No, donít, donít, donít
worry. I have a surprise for you. I baked bread!"
"Is it hot?" Larry asks. "No," Balki answers.
"Oh good . . . good," Larry sighs, "Bread is good. Nice
soft, safe bread." Balki walks back into the kitchen,
stumbling. A moment later he holds up a large knife and asks, "Have
these knives been sharpened?"
"No! No! No!" Larry
cries, jumping up from the table and running around behind Jennifer shouting,
"No bread! No bread! Just . . . no . . . no, put the knife
down! Put the knife down!" Balki puts the knife down onto the
counter. Balki then walks across the kitchen and grabs the coffee pot from
the coffee maker. "I almost forgot the coffee," he says.
"No! No! No, no!" Larry cries, running back around the
table to stop Balki, "No coffee! No! Put it back! Just
put it back! Put it back!" Larry then grabs Balkiís arm and
pulls him to the table, saying, "All right . . . all right, now come
on. Sit down. Just sit down. Sit down! Sit!
Sit!" He pushes Balki down into his chair. "Sit!
Stay!" Larry orders, "Stay!" "All right," Balki
sighs. Larry sits down at the table and sighs, "Now, Balki, tell me .
. . how long can we expect this curse to last?"
"Well, the average shelf-life of a
curse is somewhere in between four days and . . . forty-seven years," Balki
answers. "Forty-seven years?" Larry asks with a pained
expression. "How do we know when itís over?" Jennifer
asks. "Well, could it be when your friends are wearing their dinner
and suffering third degree burns?" Larry cries. "No, that only
happens when you throw a dinner party on a volcano," Balki jokes, then he
laughs at his own joke and mouths, "Where do I come up with
them?" "Cousin, you know the curse is over when you touch
someone with your bare hands and they donít die," Balki finishes,
"Until then, my flesh must not touch anotherís." "Oh
Balki, youíre just like the boy in the plastic bubble," Mary Anne sighs
sadly, "I wish we had a bubble built for two." Mary Anne and
Balki lean toward each other, preparing to kiss. At the last moment Balki
screams, "NO!" and pulls away, moving his chair further from Mary Anneís.
"No! We must not," Balki sighs, then realizes, "God, I
almost kissed you to death. Mary Anne, youíre gonna have to go to your
Mamaís house for a few days." "Well, itíll rip my heart out
but if you think itís best," Mary Anne sighs.
"What is the matter with you?"
Larry cries in exasperation, "There is no curse! Are Jennifer and I
the only sane ones here?" "Well, actually, I thought Iíd go
with Mary Anne," Jennifer says. Larry grabs his hair with frustration
and cries, "What?" "Well, Larry, nine times out of ten,
strange as it may seem, Balkiís Myposian myths turn out to be true,"
Jennifer points out, "I mean, remember the time he wore that hat with the
weather vane on it and he made it rain?" Larry gets a look of
frustrated resignation on his face. "Come on, Mary Anne, letís
pack," Jennifer suggests. The girls get up from the table and leave
the kitchen. "Well, great," Larry moans, "This is just
great. Youíve . . . youíve driven my wife from my home."
"Iím sorry, Cousin," Balki sighs, "Can I freshen your iced
tea?" "Yeah, sure," Larry sighs. Balki struggled to
upright Larryís glass. Larry finally just grabs a glass and sets it up
for Balki angrily. Balki picks up the pitcher of tea and lifts it to pour
into Larryís glass, only he ends up pouring it into Larryís lap
instead. On their reactions the scene fades to black.
Act two begins with an establishing shot
of the house at night and the caption "The Next Evening." We
hear Balki saying, "Sorry, Cousin. I thought I could draw Dimitri
with my mitts on. I was wrong." We see Balki and Larry enter
the kitchen through the back door, each carrying a box of take-out fried
chicken. "Well, this has been quite a day," Larry sighs
sarcastically, "My wife has left me, my career is over and Iím eating
take-out dinner with Oven Mitt Man. Maybe Iím the one whoís
cursed." "Oh, Cousin, youíre not cursed except maybe . . . in
the fact that . . . you have me as a Cousin," Balki sighs sadly.
Larry looks disgusted and starts to eat a piece of chicken. "Hey,
Cousin, they . . . they give me extra cole slaw," Balki points out,
"Do you want it?" "No, I do not want your cole slaw!"
Larry insists angrily, "I do not want your cole slaw. All I want to
do is sit and enjoy my dinner, maybe watch a little TV. And donít even
think about using the remote!"
Balki struggles to eat his chicken,
tossing the box up to try to grab something with his mouth. Balki picks up
a wing from the table and says, "Iíll trade you a . . . a cajun wing for
a southern-fried thigh." Larry shakes his head and continues to eat,
then coughs and starts to choke on a piece of chicken. Balki watches this
with mild interest as Larry thrashes and gasps for air. "Are you
choking?" Balki asks sarcastically. Larry nods. "And would
you like me to take off my mitts and give you the Heimlich Maneuver?" Balki
asks sarcastically. Larry nods desperately. Balki eats his chicken
and then slaps the back of Larryís head and sighs, "Iím getting a
little sick of your pathetic attempts to get me to take off my
mitts." Larry has sunk down to the floor and is barely hanging on to
the table as Balki continues eating. "I tell ya . . . " Balki
After a moment, Balki says, "You
know, this chicken needs something. Gonna see if we have any
paprika." Balki gets up and walks into the pantry. Unable to
speak, Larry motions desperately to Balki as he walks away. Larry pulls
himself up and struggles to reach the counter. He hangs on, motioning and
gasping. Balki walks out of the pantry and stands, looking at Larry coldly
as Larry mouths, "Help me! Help me!" "Oh, you want
some, too?" Balki says, "Iíll go get some from the
pantry." Balki walks back into the pantry as Larry continues to gasp
and writhe. Balki walks back out and hands Larry the bottle of paprika
before sitting back down at the table. Larry struggles to return to the
table and collapses across it again, grabbing at Balkiís suit and mouthing in
"Okay, Iíll play along," Balki
sighs, "Knock three times on the table if youíre faking, twice on your
head if the answer is no." Larry hits himself on the head twice but
Balki doesnít notice. Larry gets Balkiís attention and hits himself on
the head twice more. "Uh oh!" Balki says as Larry pounds
continuously at his head, "Oh, Cousin, youíre really choking?"
Larry points at Balki and to his nose to let him know heís got it.
"I bet . . . ah . . . oh . . . Iíd better . . . better give you the
Heimlich Maneuver," Balki says as he stands up behind Larry, "Come on,
stand up." Larry is too weak to stand. "Come on, get
up!" Balki yells, "Get up!" Balki reaches down and grabs
Larry around the middle to lift him up. Balki tries performing the
Heimlich Maneuver but nothing happens.
Larry slaps at Balkiís hands.
"Oh . . . oh, Cousin, I . . . I cannot take off my mitts," Balki says,
"And I . . . oh . . . " Balki sees Larry is starting to lose
consciousness, so he pulls off the mitts and grabs Larry around the middle,
performing the Heimlich Maneuver properly. After two tries, Larry spits
out the piece of chicken he was choking on and gasps for air, clutching Balki
desperately as he struggles to remain on his feet. "Balki . . . you
saved my life," Larry gasps. "Cousin, do you realize what just
happened?" Balki asks. "Yes," Larry smiles, then he
screams, "You almost let me DIE!" "No, Cousin, I touched
you with my bare hands and you . . . you didnít die!" Balki points
out, "The curse is over! Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of
Joy!" Balki and Larry perform the Dance of Joy, although Larry
struggles all the way through it, unable to sing and barely able to keep his
feet. At the end Larry is barely able to lift one leg into Balkiís arms
and the episode ends.
The extended part of the dinner scene is
shown over the end credits. Balki and Larry are at the kitchen
table. "You made my favorite dessert," Larry sighs.
"Oh Cousin, I . . . I know it cannot make up for this disastrous meal but .
. . " Balki gets up from the table and walks to the counter.
"Yeah, you . . . you slaved away all day in that hot suit making my
favorite dessert . . . and all I could think of is how miserable I am,"
Larry sighs, not noticing that Balki has moved to a silver chafing dish on the
counter and is trying to turn on a butane lighter. "Boy, what . . .
what . . . what is wrong with me? Come on, buddy. The two of us are
gonna sit down here together and have some cherries flambť." Larry
turns to see Balki approaching, carrying the flaming chafing dish. Larry
struggles to get away from Balki as the credits end.
There are some major differences between the shooting script dated July
27, 1992 and the episode which aired:
At the beginning of the episode, after Mary Anne explains to Larry that Balki
wants to pick just the right flowers for her morning bouquet, she adds,
"Picking flowers and singing to the worms is his morning meditation."
- The story behind the
curse is different in the script. Balki explains, "In 1584, my
ancestor, Grippos, soon to be known as 'Death Grippos,' ran away with the wife
of Lactos the Milkman. Of course, according to my family, the marriage was
in trouble from the start. They never talked. I mean, we all know
the importance of communication . . . " "Balki, shut up and
continue," Larry urges. "Anyway, to make a short story long,
Lactos hired a wizard to put a curse on Grippos and all his descendants which
brings destruction to anyone or anything the cursed man touches," Balki
finishes. Later after Mary Anne asks, "Why you? Why now?"
and Balki explains how it slipped his mind, he continues, "but in his
twenty-ninth year, every Bartokomous male develops a Lactos intolerance."
After Larry assures Balki he's not cursed and says, "Don't be
ridiculous," Balki sighs, "Whew, talk about a guilt trip . . . "
When Balki comes back into the kitchen with the dead flowers he simply says,
"I killed Mary Anne's flowers," and doesn't talk about how they were
fresh only moments before.
Larry explaining that his last faint was a fake faint because he didn't want to
talk to the Bickley's is not in this script.
Balki's line about not "dazing the daisies" is not in this script.
After Balki comes down with the suit on he doesn't mention that he was worried
Mama would send him the big, ugly suit. And at the end of the scene he
asks, "Who's up for a movie?" instead of looking at the newspaper.
After Balki spills the iced tea on Larry, he asks, "Can I get those ice
cubes?" "Don't touch me," Larry complains, "Don't
touch anything. Sit down. I'm scalded, stained and single. I
think you've done enough for one night." "I know what will make
you feel better," Balki offers, "I made your favorite
dessert." "You ruined my life," Larry says. "I'm
sorry, Cousin," Balki sighs, "You're right. I've been
selfish. I've been thinking only about myself just because I'm going to be
trapped inside this big, ugly, itchy suit for the rest of my life. And,
it's particularly difficult for someone of my fashion sense. Look at me, I
look like a baked potato." "You made my favorite dessert?"
Larry asks. "Well, I tried my best," Balki sighs. This is
when Larry says, "You made my favorite dessert," and the scene plays
out as shown under the end credits.
Scene D was completely cut from the aired episode. It took place in the
City Room. Balki and Larry are pushed out of the elevator by an angry
mob. Larry is steamed. "Well, what crawled up their
shorts?" Balki asks. "Everyone in the building hates us,"
Larry complains, "Your mitts touched all the buttons. Just do me a
favor, Balki. Try to get through the rest of the day without embarrassing
me." The elevator opens and Mr. Wainwright enters. "Who's
the idiot who pushed all the elevator buttons?" he asks. "That
would be this idiot, sir," Larry answers, pointing to Balki. Balki
waves a mitt at Mr. Wainwright. "Bartokomous, I want to talk to you
about the Dimitri cartoon you turned in," Mr. Wainwright says. "Balki
turned in a cartoon this week?" Larry asks with surprise, "I wasn't
aware of that, sir." "It's terrible," Mr. Wainwright
says. "I'm sorry," Balki offers, "I'm still breaking in
these mitts." "Do it over and this time use your hands,"
Mr. Wainwright suggests, "Why the hell are you wearing those
mitts?" "They go with the suit, sir," Balki answers,
"You see, I have the Extreminiki . . . " Larry laughs to cover
up Balki's story. "Spare me the explanation, Bartokomous," Mr.
Wainwright sighs, "Just have a usable cartoon on my desk by tomorrow
morning." "Oh, we will, sir, I'll see that it's perfect,
sir," Larry promises. "Oh, I know you will," Mr. Wainwright
agrees, "Because if you don't, you'll be out of a job." Mr.
Wainwright gets into the elevator and exits. Balki and Larry go back to
their desks as they speak. "Balki, did you hear that?" Larry
asks. "Of course I did, I'm cursed, not deaf," Balki counters,
"Once I get used to these things, I'll be able to draw better than
ever." Balki holds a pencil in his teeth and sharpens it. He
puts the pencil in his mitt and can't hold onto it and it drops. He
repeats this process twice more and notices there are no more pencils in his
holder. "Not a problem," Balki insists. Balki reaches
under his desk and brings up a carton of pencils. "Balki, listen to
me, you don't need your mitts to draw Dimitri," Larry says, "You can't
kill a pencil." "I know that," Balki replies, "But if
I take off the mitts and I draw a wonderful cartoon, we'd be so happy we'd do
the Dance of Joy like we always do. And by the last, 'die, die, die' you'd
be dead, dead, dead. You might want to take a break. I'm going to be
here a while." Balki picks up a pencil from the carton. "Balki,
you're not cursed," Larry insists, "I'll prove it to you. Take
off the mitts and shake my hand. I won't die and if I do, it couldn't be
any worse than what I'm going through now." "I cannot take off
the mitts, Cousin," Balki says, "A cursed man has got to do what a
cursed man had got to do." "You know, buddy, it's got to be
awfully hot in that suit," Larry tries another tact. "Well it is
a little toasty," Balki admits, "I guess Mama sent me the winter
suit. Of course, it's going to come in handy on our next ski
trip." "Yes, I suppose it will," Larry muses, "Okay,
how about this. Research had shown that lack of oxygen to the extremities
causes serious hand diseases. The medical term is 'digit
deprivation.' In more common language, your fingers fall off."
"Cousin, I don't want my fingers to fall off," Balki says
worriedly. "I know, buddy . . . what to do, what to do," Larry
thinks, then, "I got it. No that won't work and anyway, you might
have already lost a thumb. Forget it." "Please, tell me,
Cousin," Balki begs, "I need my fingers for my shadow animals,
especially the peacock. It's such a hit at parties."
"Well, this is a little wacky," Larry begins, "But if someone who
understands the severity of your problem, say, like me, were to stand guard, you
could take those mitts off and let your fingers breathe. Who knows, you
might be able to save six or eight of them." "You'd do that for
me, Cousin?" Balki asks gratefully. "Your pain is my pain,"
Larry assures him, "Get 'em off." Balki removes the mitts and
takes inventory of his fingers. As soon as he is satisfied, he attempts to
make his fingers breathe. "Balki, I feel like I'm going to
faint," Larry says suddenly, "That food poisoning thing is coming
back. I'm going to faint. No time to put on your mitts. Catch
me. I'm going. I'm going." Balki watches impassively as
Larry hits the floor. Larry extends his arms toward Balki. "On
Mypos we have a saying," Balki says, "The bigger the liar, the harder
they fall." Balki puts his mitts on as the scene ends.
After Balki asks Larry if he wants some paprika, too, he says, "Let me just
get the whole box."
was also an end scene which was cut from the final episode. After they do
the Dance of Joy, moments later they enter the living room from the
kitchen. Balki is wearing the suit without mitts. "Cousin, now
that I'm no longer cursed, I can pick flowers, I can shake hands, I can do the
eensy-weensy spider." Balki does the song. Jennifer and Mary
Anne enter. "Hi, guys," Mary Anne smiles. "What are
you two doing back?" Larry asks. "We couldn't stay away another
night," Jennifer explains. "Balki, I married you for better or
for worse," Mary Anne says, "Other couples work through their problems
all the time, there's no reason we can't. Some husbands snore, you have
the touch of death. We'll deal with it." "Mary Anne, good
news," Balki smiles, "I don't snore and the curse is over."
Balki opens his arms and walks to Mary Anne. She sees his bare
hands. "It is," Mary Anne says, "Oh, Balki, I'm so
happy." Balki and Mary Anne rush into one another's arms and give one
another a long hello kiss. "I really missed you, Jen," Larry
says. Larry and Jennifer hug and kiss. Larry then says to Balki,
"Boy, bet you can't wait to get out of your curse-buster."
"I'll say," Balki agrees, "It'll be great to get out of this and
get into my decompression suit for a few days." "What is
it?" Larry asks, "Yak hide with matching mitts?" "No,
it's a tasteful Armani with a subtle pinstripe and seven-foot wings," Balki
on to the next episode . . .