Strangers Episode Guide
32 - Taking Stock
First Air Date:
October 14, 1987
Nielsen Rating: 16.8 HH
TV Guide Description: Balki
gets a taste of corporate greed when he buys stock in a cereal company that
manufactures raisin puffs -- without the promised number of raisins in each box.
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: John B. Collins
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Alan Haufrect: Mr. Crocker
Barbara Sharma: Ms. Abrams
Jeff Corey: Henry Casselman
Gene LeBell: Security Guard #1
Greg Collins: Security Guard #2
Dimitri can be seen wearing a white wool coat and sitting on the coffee table to
the right of the couch at various points during the first scenes.
"No skin off my head!"
"An hour ago I was a babe in the woodpile . . . "
"So you see, Raisin Puffs without the raisins is like Snow White without
her seven dorks!"
"Well, then Iíll go to his four men."
"What are you now? Deputy Dog?"
"To forgive is divine . . . to be an airhead is human."
ridiculous: Said twice.
used in this episode:
"You try to fool Balki!"
Balki and Larryís stereo "Hi!"
"Oh my Lord!"
Other running jokes
used in this episode:
Balki reads something slowly and with a heavy accent so that itís hard to
- This episode marks the first time Melanie Wilson and Rebeca Arthurís
credits were shown during the opening titles. Their names appear as Balki
and Larry are going around in the revolving door.
- When Larry says to Balki that itís Wednesday he
was correct, as Perfect Strangers was scheduled at 8:00 p.m. on Wednesday
nights when this episode aired.
- The Dimitri seen in this episode is a slightly
different style from the usual Dimitri. In fact Dimitri would change
occasionally over the years, but it's not known exactly how many stuffed sheep
played Dimitri over the years.
- Raisin Puffs were mentioned for the first time in
this episode but boxes of Raisin Puffs would be seen again in future episodes.
This is the first notable appearance of Balki's "treasure
caribou." The caribou is a little hollow ceramic animal where Balki
keeps important items and money (in this instance, his letter from the UniCorn
- When Balki asks Mr. Crocker if he is now
"Deputy Dog" itís a reference to a popular Terrytoons animated show
from the 1960's called Deputy Dawg.
- Gene LeBell, who played a security guard in his
episode, also performed as a stuntman on the Miller / Boyett series Full
House and is a renowned wrestling and judo champion. Likewise Greg
Collins, who played the other security guard, made various appearances on
Full House and Family Matters.
- Veteran character actor Jeff Corey had a fabulous turn in this episode
as the vivacious Mr. Henry Casselman. Besides his countless appearances in
television shows and movies, he has a place in history for refusing to testify
when called before the House Committee on Un-American Activities in the now
notorious McCarthy hearings. Admittedly a former Communist, he couldnít
in good conscience hand over names in order to preserve his career, leading to
his blacklisting by the Hollywood community throughout the fifties. He
became an acting coach in Hollywood during that time until he resumed acting.
Sadly Mr. Corey passed away in 2002.
- This is one of the three episodes in the third season in which the
front door is to the left of the fireplace and the closet door is to the right.
This layout was only ever seen this way in the few episodes at the beginning of
this season, the other two episodes being the season opener All the News That
Fits and The Break In. There is also a step down from the front
door in the layout of these three episodes. We've discussed how these
episodes may have been filmed at some time before the regular season started and
that it might have been in anticipation of a writer's strike. Another
possibility is that the network might have wanted to see an example of the
series in its new format at the newspaper office, so these episodes were filmed
to give them an idea how season three would look.
- A very short and quick outtake from this episode
can be seen during the "Friendship" commercial (it shows Balki pulling
playfully on Larry's ears). This commercial can be seen on our YouTube
As the episode begins we see Larry standing in the living room hooking up the
wires of a new stereo system. Balki runs in the front door excitedly,
saying, "Cousin, guess what today is!" "Wednesday,"
Larry answers calmly. Balki is taken aback for a second, realizing Larry
is correct, then continues. "This is the day we found out how to get
rich, just like Ms. Elvira Worth." "Whoís Elvira Worth?"
Larry asks. "More to the point, what is Elvira Worth?"
Balki starts to read a letter that came in the mail out loud, slowly and with a
hard accent until Larry finally takes the letter from Balki saying he canít
understand a word heís saying.
reads over the letter aloud, with Balki interjecting certain words.
"Ms. Elvira Worth, a housewife from DeQueens, Arkansas, turned a five
hundred dollar investment . . . " " . . . in the . . . "
". . . stock market . . . " " . . . into . . . "
". . . millions . . . " " . . . overnight."
"We can . . . " " . . . too." "Hmm,"
Larry hums, then hands Balki the letter back, saying, "Balki, leave your
money in the bank. Forget about the stock market, you know nothing about
it." "Well, of course I do, donít be ridiculous!" Balki
scoffs, "On Mypos, I sell my sheep at the stock market."
American stock markets donít deal in livestock. The stocks they buy and
sell are shares in businesses." "That sounds more exciting than
our stock market," Balki admits, then adds, "I bet it smells better,
too, huh? Are there any other pluses?" "Well, uh, yes
there are," Larry continues, "Depending on whether the business makes
money or not the value of your stock goes up or down." "Oh! I
want the kind of stock that goes up!" Balki smiles. "Thatís
very shrewd," Larry comments, "But sometimes your stock goes
down." "No, I donít want that kind," Balki says.
"No one does," Larry agrees, "Unfortunately thereís no way of
knowing whether your stock will go up or down. Balki, I think you should
forget about the stock market."
Balki says he wants Larry to help him buy
stock. "Itís very complicated . . . you could lose your
shirt," Larry warns. Balki looks at
his shirt worriedly and Larry adds, "Your money . . . your money . . . you
could lose your money. Youíre not going to invest in the stock market
and thatís that!" "Oh, thatís that, is that?" Balki
asks defiantly. "Yes, thatís that. Iím not going to help
you lose your money." "All right fine," Balki sighs,
"No skin off my head! Iíll just go ask Mary Anne to help me lose my
Larry stops Balki, saying he doesnít
want to ask Mary Anne. Seeing Balki is detemined to do this, he
reluctantly he agrees to help him. Balki thanks him, then rolls his eyes
and laughs as Larry goes to the kitchen to get the paper, having used Mary Anne
as a means to get Larry to agree to help. Larry opens the newspaper,
showing Balki, "This is a listing of all the stocks. Now which one do
you want to buy?" "Thereís so many!" Balki says
in awe. "Hereís one Iíve heard good things about," Larry
notes, "UniCorn." "Oh, I like unicorns!" Balki says,
"You said that they donít sell animals. You try to fool Balki!"
"UniCorn is the United Corn
Corporation," Larry explains, "They make breakfast foods like Sugar
Oatsies and Raisin Puffs." "Raisin Puffs are my favorite!"
Balki exclaims (ALWAYS pronouncing "puffs" as "poofs"), then
sings the jingle, holding a finger up to his forehead like a unicorn "You
get a hundred raisins in every box of UniCorn Raisin Puffs!" He ends
by blowing through his lips like a unicorn, then asks "How many shares can
I buy?" "Well, how much money do you want to invest?" Larry
asks. Balki digs into his pocket and pulls out some bills, which he puts
on the counter. "Thirty eight dollars," he announces.
"Thirty eight dollars?" Larry asks, "All this is for
thirty eight dollars?" Balki digs into his other pocket and pulls out
a dime. "And ten cents," he adds.
"All right, well . . . if I lend you
a dollar ninety you can buy one share," Larry explains. "Oh
boy!" Balki exclaims happily, "We can be partners!"
"No, no . . . consider it a gift," Larry insists. "Cousin,
isnít it wonderful?" Balki asks, "An hour ago I was a babe in the
woodpile. I donít know nothing about the stock market. And now,
thanks to you, Iím on my way to becoming a business typhoon."
"Balki, a typhoon is . . . . " "A tropical storm, I know
that, I was just kidding. Cut me some slack, Cousin!" Balki insists.
next scene finds Balki and Larry dressed nicely. Balki is holding a lint
brush and has some lint on him. Larry takes the brush and starts cleaning
Balki off. "Balki, you donít have time to play with the lint
brush," Larry scolds, "Jennifer and Mary Anne will be here any minute.
We have reservations for eight oíclock." Larry hands Balki back the
brush. "Cousin, I have a surprise for you!" Balki says, then
leads Larry over to the back living room wall where a single, framed certificate
hangs. "I got my UniCorn stock certificate!" Balki says proudly,
as he and Larry stand and look at it. "And you framed it," Larry
it beautiful?" Balki asks. "Yes, it brightens up the whole
room," Larry says sarcastically. Balki smiles and waves his hand, but
itís the hand holding the lint brush and he accidentally leaves a little lint
on Larryís dark jacket. Balki then runs the lint brush over the place,
leaving even more lint in its wake. He runs the brush back across and
cleans the lint off. Playfully, Balki runs the lint brush across Larryís
lapel again, leaving a trail of lint. He again takes it off. Heís
about to do this again when Larry grabs the brush away from him.
doorbell buzzes and Balki puts on his vest as Larry opens the door.
Jennifer and Mary Anne enter, both wearing pretty evening dresses.
"Hi!" the guys say together. "I hope weíre not
late," Jennifer offers, "I just couldnít find anything to
wear." "You look stunning," Larry offers, "Thatís
your color!" "Thank you, I borrowed this outfit from Mary
Anne," Jennifer says uncomfortably. "Jennifer and Mary Anne, I
have a surprise for you!" Balki announces. "Oh donít tell me,
let me guess!" Mary Anne interrupts. Everyone waits as Mary Anne
stands, not knowing what to say next. "No sense hurting yourself,
Mary Anne," Jennifer suggests, "Why donít you just let Balki tell
yet, why donít I just show you?" Balki asks. He runs over and picks
up the girls, one in each arm, and carries them to the back wall, setting them
down in front of the framed certificate. "This is it!" Balki
announces. They stand looking at it a moment, until Mary Anne asks, "What
are we supposed to be looking at?" "Balki just bought his first
share of stock in the United Corn Corporation," Larry explains.
"I own a piece of America!" Balki says happily.
"Congratulations!" Jennifer offers.
"You know, we at UniCorn make many
fine products for the home," Balki recites, "but the backbone of our
company is Raisin Puffs, the cereal chock-full of naturally sweet raisins.
Raisins . . . theyíre natureís candy." "Iíll get my car
keys and maybe we can get out of here before he sings the jingle," Larry
says, going to his room to get his keys. "I used to eat Raisin Puffs,
but I donít any more," Mary Anne says (also pronouncing it "poofs"),
"There arenít enough raisins!" "Thatís
impossible!" Balki insists, going into the kitchen to get a box,
"Raisin Puffs guarantees one hundred raisins in every box. Look, I
show you . . . right on the box it says Ďone hundred raisins in each box.í
So you see, Raisin Puffs without the
raisins is like Snow White without her seven dorks!"
"Mary Anne may have been
mistaken," Jennifer suggests. "You bet your bottom digdah she
was . . . look at this!" Balki says, having opened the box of cereal.
He pours some cereal into Mary Anneís hand, and there is not one raisin to be
seen. "Where are the raisins?" Balki asks, confused, looking
into the box, "They must be in here!" He looks closer into the
box until he has his face stuck into it. Larry returns, saying "Well,
letís go!" then eyes the scene, asking, "Why does Balki have a box
on his face?" "He lost his raisins," Mary Anne explains.
motions the ladies to the door, but Balki is still focused on the cereal box.
"Why would my company do this?" he asks, "Why would they say that
they put one hundred raisins in every box and then they donít put one hundred
raisins in every box?" "Well, maybe this is a signal to sell
your stock, Balki," Mary Anne offers, pouring the handful of cereal sheís
still holding back into the box.
Balki sits down at the dining table,
saying, "They must be in here. Maybe theyíre all down at the
bottom." He starts spilling cereal onto the table as he searches.
"Balki, what are you doing?" Larry asks, "Remember, we
have reservations." "Cousin, Iím in the middle of a company
crisis," Balki explains. "I donít know what youíre doing but
couldnít you do it later?" Larry asks anxiously. Balki urges Larry
to go to the restaurant with Mary Anne and Jennifer and that heíll come to
them when heís finished. He then pours the cereal out into the table and
starts counting the raisins as Larry leads the girls to the door.
"Well, uh, letís go to the restaurant and Balki can join us whenever
heís finished his raisin count," Larry sighs as they leave. Balki
counts raisins, saying under his breath "Please let there be one
time later Balki removes the cover of the stereo and turns it upside down,
dumping a whole box of Raisin Puffs into it and throwing the box aside. He
begins counting raisins as Larry enters in frustration. "Balki,
youíre here! Where have you been? I called from the restaurant,
there was no answer! I donít know how many times I let it ring . . .
fifteen, sixteen . . . . " "Seventeen," Balki counts, Larry
having made him lose his place. Balki drops the raisins back into the
cereal and explains, "Cousin, I was at the store," before starting to
Larry looks around the living room,
startled at the number of opened cereal boxes and piles of cereal there are
around. "Oh my Lord!" Larry cries, "Balki, how many boxes
of Raisin Puffs have you opened?" He starts to count them, getting to
" . . . eleven,
twelve, thirteen!" which makes Balki lose his raisin count again.
"Cousin . . . I have opened thirteen boxes of Raisin Puffs and not one of
them has even close to one hundred raisins!" Balki drops his face
sadly into the stereo lid full of cereal. "My new family has been
cheating the public!" he sighs.
"Family?" Larry asks, "What
family?" "The UniCorn family!" Balki explains, "Mr.
Henry Casselman, the Chairman of the Board, writes me a letter and tells me
Iím the newest member of the family." He produces the letter from
his treasure caribou for Larry to look at. "Balki, this is a form
letter!" Larry sighs. "Well, it does have a nice shape,"
Balki agrees. "Families donít send form letters, businesses
do!" Larry cries, "Cold impersonal companies who are only interested
in the bottom line . . . making a buck. Balki, you are letting this stock
thing take over your life! This is not your responsibility!"
it is!" Balki insists, "On Mypos when you own a business youíre
responsible for everything." "Ooh! Ooh!" Larry
exclaims, "I just had a terrific idea! Why donít you just sell your
stock and forget the whole thing?" "I canít," Balki
sighs. "Okay then Iíll sell it," Larry tries.
"No." "Then Iíll buy it!" Larry says in
exasperation, "Balki, please, Iím hungry. I just want to go back to
the restaurant and have dinner." Balki insists that he has to make
this right. Larry asks how he is going to do that. "Iíll go
to UniCorn and I tell them they have to stop cheating the public!" Balki
announces. "Tell who?" Larry asks, "UniCorn is a big
corporation, they have thousands of employees! Who are you going to talk
to?" "Iím going to talk to . . . the man . . . who puts
raisins in the boxes!" Balki grasps with some difficulty.
"Wrong!" Larry says, "He takes his order from his foreman."
"Well, then Iíll go to his four men," Balki deduces. "And
theyíll send you to the plant manager," Larry explains. "Well,
now weíre getting somewhere!" Balki says hopefully.
"No, no we are not. Balki,
UniCorn is a huge corporation, the have factories all over the world! They
have layers of authority.
The plant manager will send you to the district manager whoíll send you to the
regional manager. Youíll have to talk to treasurers, controllers,
assistant vice presidents, second vice presidents, first vice presidents and
this doesnít make any difference because they all take their orders from the
Chairman of the Board!" "Well, then I go see him!" Balki
tries. "He wonít see you!" Larry states. "Why you
make me go see all those other people?" Balki asks. "To teach
you a lesson," Larry explains, "This is hopeless, Balki, you are only
one man with one share. They wonít listen!" "Well,
Cousin, if you come with me weíll be two men with one share, and then they
will have to listen!" Larry moans in frustration as the scene ends.
second act begins with Balki and Larry standing at the reception desk of
Mr.Casselmanís outer office. "I want to see Mr. Casselman,"
Balki explains to the receptionist, Ms. Abrams. "Do you have an
appointment?" she asks. "No," Balki answers.
"Then you canít see him," she says curtly. Balki turns to
Larry, saying, "Thank you for your help." Larry tries, asking
"Can he make an appointment?" "Only through the appointment
secretary," Ms. Abrams answers. "Can I see her?" Balki
asks. "Not without an appointment."
Larry starts to lead Balki away but Balki
protests. "Balki, Iíll buy you some ice cream!" Larry bribes.
Balki has to fight really hard to resist this temptation but he remains firm.
"No, Cousin . . . no. The public is being cheated and if I donít do
something about it Iím cheating them, too! I know Mr. Casselman will
understand if I can just talk to him. Did you come here to help me or to
see me fail?" "All right," Larry gives in, "But if
weíre really gonna see this guy weíre gonna
have to use subterfuge." "Well, of course we are, donít be
ridiculous!" Balki agrees, "Do you have some on you?" Larry
explains that subterfuge is just big word for sneakiness. They exchange a
few knowing nods and winks, Balkiís being particularly exaggerated, until
Larry stops it and they go back to the receptionistís desk.
"Excuse me, I think thereís been a
misunderstanding," Larry begins, "Even though Mr. Bartokomous does not
have an appointment Iím sure Mr. Casselman will want to see him. Mr.
Bartokomous is a substantial stockholder." A man exits from the
office, stating "My car, Ms. Abrams," as he heads for the door.
Balki intercepts him, saying "Mr. Casselman, I come to talk to you!"
"Iím not Mr. Casselman," the man explains, "Iím Mr.
Crocker." "Iím Lawrence Appleton," Larry explains,
"and this is one of your major stockholders, Balki Aristotle Bartokomous of
the Mediterranean Bartokomouses." "Do you ever hear of my little
island, Mypos?" Balki asks Mr. Crocker. "You have an
island!" Mr. Crocker notes, impressed, "Well, Iím always happy to
meet a major stockholder!"
for some coffee?" Mr. Crocker offers, "Cappucino, espresso?"
"Are you the waiter?" Balki asks innocently. "No, Iím
executive vice president," Mr. Crocker explains proudly, "soon to be
top dog." "Oh!" Balki says, "What are you now?
Deputy Dog?" Larry covers this faux pas by laughing, saying,
"Coffee will do." Mr. Crocker sends Ms. Abrams to get some
coffee. "And use the china!" he suggests. Larry explain
that "Mr. Bartokomous is here to see Mr. Casselman." "Oh,
you can deal with me," Mr. Crocker assures them, "Iím taking over
for him when he retires." He motions for them to sit on the couch as
he sits in a chair.
"Now what seems to be the
problem?" Mr. Crocker asks. "Raisins," Balki states.
"Raisins?" Mr. Crocker asks in confusion. "There are no
enough raisins in Raisin Puffs," Balki says. "But Iím sure
this is a matter Mr. Bartokomous should be taking up with Mr. Casselman,"
Larry interjects as they get to their feet. "Oh, uh . . . how many
shares did you say you own?" Mr. Crockers asks, getting up with them.
"One," Balki answers. "Hundred thousand," Larry adds.
thousand." "No, one share," Balki insists. "One
share?" Mr. Crocker asks, "Is this a joke?" Larry laughs, saying,
"Yes! Itís a joke! Mr. Bartokomous is an internationally
known cut-up!" Balki keeps trying to talk but Larry interrupts,
laughing and telling him to stop.
"Now if we can just move this
along," Larry continues in a composed manner, "Mr. Casselman can give
Mr. Bartokomous five minutes and we can be off to our dinner at the White
House." Balki is shocked by this. "Cousin, you said sneaky
but this is lying!" He turns to Mr. Crocker and says sincerely,
"I only have one share but I think this is very important and I want to see
Mr. Casselman." Ms. Abrams brings the coffee but Mr. Crocker tells
her, "Forget the coffee, get security!" She sets the tray down
on the coffee table and goes to the door to get security.
explains they are friends of Mr. Casselmanís and pulls out his letter.
"Casselman sends out millions of these . . . theyíre written by
machines!" Mr. Crocker scoffs. "Mr. Crocker, this man has put
his trust and his faith in your company, doesnít that mean anything to
you?" Larry asks. "No!" Mr. Crocker says emphatically.
Ms. Abrams returns with two security guards, saying, "Here they are!"
"Throw these two out," Mr. Crocker orders. "No, we just
want to see Mr. Casselman n for five minutes," Balki explains.
"Come on, you guys, we donít want to hurt you," the one security man
says. "And we donít want to be hurt!" Larry agrees.
The security men escort Balki and Larry
from the office. Balki cries, "Cousin, I donít like this! Do
something!" "Balki, we took our best shot," Larry says in
defeat as they are taken from the office and Mr. Crocker closes the door behind
them. "Not enough raisins! Really!" he huffs, his back to
the door. The door suddenly bursts open, knocking him against a post as
Balki and Larry lunge back into the outer office, Balki carefully skirting
around Ms. Abrams who is holding the tray of coffee. Larry goes to her
desk and picks up the telephone, hitting various buttons and saying into the
receiver "Mr. Casselman, youíre wanted in the outer office!" as
Balki knocks on the doors of his office calling "Mr. Casselman!"
The security guards rush in, knocking
Crocker against the post again and also barely getting past Ms. Abrams as they
go for Balki and Larry, who dodge the two men and run out the front door again
with the guards right behind them, Crocker being thrown against the post as they
exit. Crocker closes the door again and gasps, "Oh for crying out
loud!" before the whole scene repeats itself, Balki and Larry running in
again, knocking Crocker against the post, again getting around Ms. Abrams and
the coffee, again calling into the phone and banging on the door, again the
security guards rushing in and chasing them around the outer office.
and Larry are trying to evade the guards and end up jumping onto the couch,
which rolls over backwards. They then try to Casselmanís door but the
guards catch them, grabbing Larry by the middle as he hangs onto the door
handles and Balki tries to pull that guard off Larry as the other guard pulls on
Balki. The guards pulls them away from the door and they all fall on the
floor. Balki and Larry crawl to each other in front of the couch and hang
onto one another for dear life as the guards try to pull them apart.
At this moment the door to the office
opens and Mr. Casselman enters, yelling "What the hell is going on in
here?" Ms. Abrams lifts her tray and asks, "Would you like some
coffee, Mr. Casselman?" "No!" he growls. Mr. Crocker
tries to intercede, saying itís nothing for him to concern himself with.
Balki gets to his feet and says, "Mr. Casselman, weíve come to see
you!" "Do I know you?" Mr. Casselman asks.
"Well, you send me a letter," Balki explains, handing Mr. Casselman
his form letter. "Oh, youíre one of our stockholders!" Mr.
Casselman realizes. "He only owns one share, H.C.," Mr.
Crocker explains. "Heís still a stockholder!" Mr. Casselman
insists. "Good point, H.C.!" Mr. Crocker agrees.
"What did you come to see me
about?" Mr. Casselman asks. "There are no enough raisins in
Raisin Puffs!" Balki cries. "You want more than a hundred?"
Mr. Casselman laughs. "What he means is there arenít a hundred in
each box and he can prove it!" Larry explains. "What do you want
us to do, count them?" Mr. Crocker laughs. Off the serious look his
boss gives him, Mr. Crocker adds, "We can do that!"
The scene dissolves to the outer office a
while later. Everyone, including the guards, are sitting in front of
opened boxes of Raisin
Puffs with the contents piled in front of them counting raisins. "I
have only forty one!" Mr. Casselman says in disgust. "Forty nine
here," Ms. Abrams reports. "Thirty eight," Larry states.
"Forty four," Balki says, then, "And the four I eat makes forty
eight." "This is outrageous!" Mr. Casselman complains,
"I promise the public one hundred raisins in every box! Whoís
responsible for this?" He hones in on Mr. Crocker, repeating,
"Whoís responsible for this?"
A guilty Mr. Crocker shrugs, saying,
"So I skimped a little on the raisins! I saved the company a bundle!"
"Crocker, put those raisins back!" Mr. Casselman orders.
"But sir, the savings to the company . . . " "Put them
back!" "Yes, sir. Good idea, sir!" "And
apologize to Mr. Bartkomous," Mr. Casselman adds. "But, sir . .
. . " "Apologize!" Mr. Casselman insists. "Iím
sorry, Mr. Bartokomous. Please accept my apology," Mr. Crocker begs.
"Oh, itís okay," Balki assures him, "To forgive is divine . . .
to be an airhead is human." Mr. Crocker and the security guards leave
the office. "Why my daughter married that nitwit Iíll never
know," Mr. Casselman sighs.
"Does anybody want any coffee?"
Ms. Abrams tries again, only to receive noís from everyone. "I
donít know why I bother!" she moans as she also leaves. "Iím
really glad you brought this to my attention, son," Mr. Casselman tells
Balki. "He called me son!" Balki says to Larry. "A
lot of people think business is cold and impersonal, all weíre interested in
is making a buck," Mr. Casselman continues. "That thought never
crossed our minds!" Larry
says, then backtracks to say, "Well, that thought never crossed his
"Would you do me a favor?" Balki
asks Mr. Casselman, "Would you sign my form letter?" "Oh,
Iíd be happy to, son," Mr. Casselman obliges, signing the paper.
Once done he asks, "Have you boys ever seen the city from a
helicopter?" "Well, no!" Larry says, he and Balki looking
excited. "Too bad," Mr. Casselman states, walking to his office
and leaving them disappointed. He stops at the door and turns, laughing,
"Kidding! Just because Iím rich doesnít mean Iím not a fun guy!
What do you say we go buzz the Kelloggís factory?"
at the apartment, Larry and Balki are in the kitchen as Balki gets two sodas out
of the refrigerator and they talk about their day. "You know, Balki,
that Casselman is a fun guy!" Larry says. "You know what was the
best part?" Balki asks. "Racing the police helicopter?"
Larry asks. "That was fun," Balki agrees, "But no, Cousin,
the best part was that thanks to you America is going to have raisins coming out
of her ears." "What do you mean, Ďthanks to me?í I was
the guy who said one man couldnít make a difference and I was wrong about
that." "Well, yes you did, but you were also the man that says
ĎIf you want to change something youíve got to go to the top guy.í"
"Nnnooo, I think I said if you get to the top guy heíd throw you
out," Larry corrects.
you did, but you were also the man that says ĎYouíve got to use
subterfuge.í" "Which didnít work at all," Larry points
out. "Youíre not going to let me say anything nice about you, are
you?" Balki asks. "All right, go ahead," Larry concedes.
"Thatís it," Balki says. Larry looks confused, asking,
"Could you say it again? I missed it." "Cousin,
itís simple," Balki tries again, "If you hadnít told me what not
to do, I would never have known what I should have been doing. And because
you came with me to stop me from doing what I wanted to do but should not have
been doing, I was able to do what had to be done even though you didnít want
me to do it." Larry is even more confused, but says, "Well,
Iím glad I could help." The show ends on both of their confused
There are quite a few
differences between the revised shooting script dated May 15, 1987 and the
episode which aired:
the episode begins, there are empty cartons lying around. Larry has just
unpacked a new stereo and is trying to assemble it. He reads aloud from
the instructions, "Attach lead wire A to terminal B. Attach lead wire
C to terminal D. Plug in unit." He plugs it in, then says,
"I wonder what you do with lead wire E?" He checks the
instructions and reads, "'Warning: Before plugging in unit be sure lead
wire E is properly grounded or electrocution might occur.'" Larry
nervously throws the wire aside as Balki enters with the mail.
When Balki says to guess what today is, Larry answers, "Tuesday,"
instead of Wednesday. Balki first says, "Wrong!" then realizes,
"No, it's Tuesday but better than that this is the day we found out how to
get rich." He then mentions Elvira Worth.
In the second scene, instead of Balki saying, "I have a surprise for
you," he asks Larry, "You notice anything different about the
apartment?" "Balki, it's a new apartment," Larry points
out, "Everything's different." Then Balki tells Larry he has a
surprise. This was one of the first episodes filmed in the cousins' new
After Jennifer tells Larry that she borrowed her outfit from Mary Anne, Mary
Anne pouts and says, "I wanted to wear it."
The line "Snow White and her Seven Dorks" is not in this script.
Instead Balki said, "So, you see, Raisin Puffs without raisins would be
like Cinderella without the dwarves."
After Mary Anne suggests to Balki that maybe it's a sign he should sell his
stock, she adds, "You know, when multi-national companies spread themselves
too thin, the quality of their products declines and they leave themselves
vulnerable to unfriendly takeovers." They all stare at Mary Anne a
beat. "I've known her since childhood," Jennifer offers,
"There's no explanation."
When Balki decides to stay behind to count the raisins, Jennifer says with
frustration, "Nice going, Mary Anne." "I didn't know he
would get so upset," Mary Anne offers.
In the third scene, they describe Balki searching for raisins among the flakes,
although the cereal is called Raisin Puffs. He is first seen searching
through a pile of cereal on the kitchen table, counting them out.
"Forty-seven, forty-eight, forty-nine . . . " He shakes out the
box, checking for more raisins. "Only forty-nine? Say it ain't
so, Joe." This is when he pours the cereal into the lid of the
After Balki tells Larry that he was at the store and starts to count again,
Larry asks, "You were at the store? It's after nine. Where'd
you go? Seven-eleven?" This makes Balki lose count again.
After Balki tells Larry that there aren't nearly a hundred raisins in any of the
boxes he makes the comment, "I don't know why they don't just call them
'Puff Puffs.'" He then sighs, "Oh, Cousin, I'm so disheveled.
My new family has been cheating the public."
After Balki tells Larry that on Mypos when you own a business you're responsible
for everything, he adds, "If someone gets cheated, you have to give him a
goat and blush every time you meet him." "Blush?" Larry
asks. "Well, that's the hard part," Balki continues, "Most
people just take beet juice and rub it on their faces, but it's really terrible
because when it dries, it gets all crinkly and you look like Willie Nelson with
high blood pressure." A few moments later, after Larry complains that
he just wants to go back to the restaurant and have dinner, Balki says,
"Cousin, you don't understand. I have to make this right. If I
don't I'll have to stand on the street corner with beet juice on my face handing
out raisins and singing, (sings) 'For All the Girls I've Loved Before.
It's a matter of Myposian honor." "You do that you'll be
arrested," Larry points out. "Well, then, I'll . . . I'll . . .
" Balki reaches, trying to think of something. "You got nothing,
right?" Larry asks. Balki then comes up with the idea of going to
Unicorn and telling them to stop cheating the public.
After Larry tells Balki that they'll tell him to see the plant manager, Balki
replies, "Now we're getting nowhere."
After Balki points out that if Larry goes with him so they'll be two men with
one share, Larry sighs then gives up. "Okay, look. I'll make
you a deal. I'll go to Unicorn with you tomorrow if you will come back
with me to the restaurant tonight." "I don't feel like it,"
Balki says. "We'll get you a drink with an umbrella in it,"
Larry coaxes. Balki looks a little brighter. "You don't have to
eat any of your vegetables," Larry adds. Balki looks brighter still.
"And you can have two desserts," Larry finishes. Balki gets as
excited as a child. "Double Chocolate Fudge Blackout Cake?" he
asks. "With whipped cream," Larry confirms. "Let's
go," Balki agrees, and they exit.
When Larry and Balki arrive at Mr. Casselman's outer office, Balki starts for
the man's door. "Balki, you just can't barge into his office,"
Larry explains. "What do I do?" Balki asks. "First
you have to go up to that lady and say you want to see Mr. Casselman,"
Larry says. "Thank you, Cousin," Balki offers, "I'm glad
you're here." After telling the receptionist they want to see Mr.
Casselman and her asking if they have an appointment then telling them no, Balki
turns to Larry and says, "Well, you're a big help."
Instead of asking, "Do you have some on you?" when Larry says they'll
need to use subterfuge, in this script Balki says, "Did you bring any with
After Larry tells Mr. Crocker that Balki's middle name is Aristotle and Balki
realizes Larry is lying, he explains, "I only have one share. And my
middle name is not Aristotle. It's Bini."
the receptionist brings out the coffee she says, "Here's the coffee."
"Forget the coffee. Get security," Mr. Crocker orders.
"Is there something wrong with the coffee?" the receptionist asks
worriedly. "No," Mr. Crocker sighs, indicating Balki and Larry,
Mr. Casselman is trying to find out what Balki wants to see him about, Mr.
Crocker keeps trying to stall, saying, "Sir, you'll be late. Your
helicopter is waiting to take you to your jet." "It's my jet, my
helicopter and my time," Mr. Casselman insists, then tells Balki and Larry,
Balki doesn't say the first part of the line, "To forgive is divine,"
but he does say, "To be an air head is human."
In the last scene, when Larry says that Casselman is a fun guy he adds,
"Did you believe the people's faces when we landed at the Cub's game?"
"When I asked for a hot dog, I didn't know he was going to do that,"
The rest of the script is the same.
on to the next episode . . .