Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 38 - Couch Potato

First Air Date: December 2, 1987
Nielsen Rating: 16.5 HH

TV Guide Description: A cable-TV subscription brings variety to Balki's life, but it also turns him into a couch potato who's on the verge of losing his job.

Co-Producer: James OíKeefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Bob Keyes
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Belita Moreno: Lydia Markham

Guest Cast:
Jo Marie Payton-France: Harriette Winslow
Sam Anderson: Mr. Sam Gorpley
Harry Murphy: Cable Installation Man
Brian Kale: T.V. Sports Commentator

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri can be seen sitting on the table to the right of the couch wearing his bullet hat and what look to be blue goggles.

"Oh Cousin, you can read me like a brown paper bag."
"I broke down and cried Ďtil my eyes fell out."
" . . . able to leap small children in a single bound!"
"No way, Rosť!"
"Iíve got that TV turkey off my back!"

Donít be ridiculous: Not said in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Yes!  Yes!!"
Lydiaís "Lar
"You can read me like a . . . . "
"Let me get this straight . . . "
"What was the question?"
"I donít think so!"
"You tricked Balki!"
Balkiís "Ha!"

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Larry distracts Balkiís attention by saying, "Oh look, thereís . . . !" something.
Gorpley insults Balki, but Balki misconstrues it as a compliment.

Notable Moments: This marks the first episode in which the Chronicleís advice columnist, Lydia Markham, appears.

"The Brady Bunch Theme" - Actually Balki and Larry only contribute their familiar "da da da da dum" to the song as itís playing on the television
"I Dream of Jeannie Theme" - Balki dances and sings this as he comes down the stairs at the Chronicle

Interesting facts:
The name of the cable company providing the service for Balki and Larry is called the XYZ Cable Co., as seen on the back of the installation manís coveralls as heís leaving.
- Balki and Larry reprise a joke which they only used once before in the series and would not do again, and thatís singing the "da da da da dum" part of The Brady Bunch theme song which they did in the episode Two Men and a Cradle.
- An interesting detail in this episode is when the camera pans up to their apartment for the second scene there is a square of light that can be seen through the window which is the television set which Balki is sitting up and watching so late.
- Bronsonís talent for mimicking voices was put to good use in this episode, as he impersonated Mr. Ed and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
- This episode marks the return of Belita Moreno to the show.  Belita previously played Mrs. Edwina Twinkacetti in the first two seasons.  Here she returns as Lydia Markham, the Chicago Chronicleís neurotic advice columnist, which she plays with great aplomb.  Belita would get billing in the opening credits of the series from the beginning. In later episodes her character would play off Harrietteís as the two would insult each other incessantly.  And even later in the series Lydia and Mr. Gorpley would slyly hook up as a romantically involved couple!
- Balkiís comment, "Goodness gracious, great balls of fire" is a line from a famous Jerry Lee Lewis song.
- The book that Balki picks up to read when assuring Larry heíll be fine without a television set is "Understand Your Dreams."  Could this be one of the books Larry used to help interpret Balkiís dream in the season two episode
Beautiful Dreamer?
- Another prop makes a return appearance when a box of Raisin Puffs can be seen on the dining room table!
- When Balki asks Larry if itís Wednesday it was a kind of in-joke since the show was airing on Wednesday nights.

The episode begins with Larry and Balki standing in the living room of their apartment watching as a cable television installation man connects an co-axial input cable to the back of their television set.  "Okay, thatís it," the man states, "Youíre official cable subscribers!"  He eyes Balki, who is playing with the manís utility belt.  "Can I have my belt back now, please?"  Larry encourages Balki to give the man back his belt, which Balki does.  The man heads for the door, telling them that if they have any trouble to give him a call.  Larry follows him to the door as Balki stands, staring curiously at the television set.

Larry hurries back to Balki, who asks, "Cousin, does this mean weíre cable-ready?"  "Yes!" Larry confirms, "Balki, that little wire is going to change our lives!"  Larry picks up the cable guide and opens it to show Balki.  "Look at this . . . weíve got four movie channels!"  Balki gasps with excitement.  "We never have to go stand in line to see a movie!"  They look excitedly at one another.  "Weíve got the all-aerobics channel!" Larry points out, causing Balki to gasp again.  "No need to join a gym!"  They share another look of excitement.  "Weíve got the all-shopping channel!" Larry continues, "We never have to go to the mall again!"  They look excited but Balkiís face suddenly drops into a look of horror.  "Well, we can go to the mall once in a while," Larry backtracks.

Larry encourages Balki to sit down as he picks up the remote.  "Balki, you are gonna love this!"  Larry clicks the power to the TV on with the remote, pointing.  "Thereís the all-sports channel!"  Larry changes the channel.  "Thereís the all-news channel!"  He clicks again.  "That must be the all-music video channel."  "Is that Michael Jackson or his sister?" Balki asks.  "Thatís Diana Ross," Larry corrects.  They both sit forward, eyeing the television in an intrigued manner, then nodding.  "Cousin, can I pick a channel?" Balki asks.  "Sure!" Larry encourages, handing Balki the remote, "Go ahead!"  "What should I pick?" Balki asks.  "Pick anything you want . . . youíve got the control!" Larry smiles.  "Anything?" Balki asks.  "Anything you want!" Larry insists.

Balki hits a button and the sound of a football game between the Chicago Bears and the New York Giants comes on.  Larry is immediately interested in the game as the announcer explains that thereís only three seconds to go.  "This has got to be the most exciting game of the season!" the announcer proclaims.  As Balki studies the remote Larry becomes more excited about the game as the becomes more and more intense.  Finally Larry is yelling "Yes!  Yes!!" when Balki, who isnít paying any attention to the game at all, switches the channel.  "What?!" Larry cries, turning on Balki and grabbing his shirt, "Why did you change the channel?"  "Well, you said I could pick anything that I want and Iím not in the mood for football," Balki explains.  Balki changes the channel again just as the theme song for "Mr. Ed" comes on.  "Mr. Ed!" Balki cries happily despite Larryís shocked expression. Balki then does an impersonation of the horse, saying, "Now wait just a doggone minute, Wilbuurrrr!"  Balki dances his fingers in time to the music, pausing only to turn the sound up higher.  In frustration Larry tries to grab the remote away from Balki, and the channel changes as they struggle so they now hear the familiar strains of "The Brady Bunch" theme song, which they stop to watch, adding their familiar "Da da da da dum" to the song.

In the next scene it is late at night and Balki is sitting in the darkened living room staring at the television set, which is loud with the sounds of gunfire and fighting.  Larry steps out of his bedroom, wearing his pajamas.  As Balki changes the channel to another loud movie, Larry turns on the living room light and walks over to the couch.  "All right, thatís it," Larry insists, sitting on the arm of the couch, "The war is over!  Balki, itís time to go to bed."  Balki stares at the TV, ignoring Larry.  "Balki?  Balki?"  Larry grabs the hair on the back of Balkiís head and turns Balkiís face to look at him.  "Balki?"  "Hi, Cousin!" Balki offers in a dreamy kind of voice.  "Hi," Larry says nicely.  "Whatís shakiní?" Balki asks as he looks back at the TV, changing the channel again.

"Balki, it is very, very late," Larry points out, trying to keep Balkiís eyes from drifting back to the television screen.  "Balki . . . Balki, listen to me.  Balki . . . Balki . . . Balki!"  Larry slaps Balkiís face gently, and Balki slaps him back lightly.  Larry pushes on Balkiís face and Balki responds by grabbing Larryís front and flipping him over so that heís lying on his back on the couch with his head in Balkiís lap.  "I learned that on the all-wrestling channel!" Balki explains.  "Balki, go to bed!" Larry pleads.  "Cousin, I will, I will . . . as soon as what Iím watching is over."  "How can you be watching anything?" Larry asks as he sits up, "You keep changing the channel!"

"Well, Cousin, itís easy!" Balki explains, "On this channel, Arnold Schwarzenegger is blowing up drug dealers . . . . "  Balki changes the channel.  " . . . and on this channel Arnold Schwarzenegger is blowing up soldiers . . . oh, there goes one now! . . . . "  Balki changes channels again.  " . . . and on this channel, Arnold Schwarzenegger is blowing up drug-dealing soldiers.  I just love cable, thereís so much variety!"  Larry grabs the remote away from Balki and turns off the television, getting up and pulling Balki up as well.  "Balki . . . go to bed!  It is almost time to get up!"  Larry turns off the lights as he pushes Balki back toward his bedroom.  "But Cousin, how will I know what happened to Arnold Schwarzenegger?" Balki asks.  "He blows everybody up, marries Maria Schriver and lives happily ever after," Larry explains, "Now get some sleep!"  "Okay, okay, Cousin, good night," Balki says, motioning Larry to go to bed.  As Larry heads for his bedroom Balki moves as if he is going back to watch more television, but Larry stops him with a stern "Ah!"  Instead Balki turns to his own bedroom door and announces, in Arnold Schwarzeneggerís voice, "Maria, Iím home!"  He kicks the door open and goes inside.

In the next scene we see Larry working at Balkiís mail station, trying to sort letters into baskets.  A phone begins to ring and Larry eyes it, wondering if he should answer it or continue what heís doing.  With a letter in one hand and a batch of letters in the other he runs to the phone, putting the single letter into his mouth so he can pick up the receiver.  He answers with a muffled voice, then spits the letter out of his mouth to say "Mail room!  No, Balkiís not here right now, Mr. Myers.  Iíll have him get it up to you as soon as he gets back.  Yeah . . . bye."  Larry hangs up the receiver and runs back to the worktable to pick up where he left off.

The elevator door opens and a petite, red-haired woman steps out, walking straight to the mail desk.  "Larry, where is Balki?" she asks in frustration, "He was supposed to drop off the letters for my advice column over an hour ago!"  "Heís still at lunch, Lydia," Larry explains, "but I have your mail all sorted right here."  He hands her a wire basket of mail.  "Thank goodness, my deadlineís in twenty minutes!" she sighs.  Before she can walk away, Larry says, "Lydia?  I know youíre busy but, uh . . . I need some advice."  Lydia looks flattered and sympathetic.  "I am never too busy to help a friend!  Whatís the problem, Larry?  Canít get a date?"  Larry ignores this as he explains, "No.  No, itís Balki."  "Well, Balki shouldnít have a problem getting a date!" Lydia laughs.

"No, this has nothing to do with dating," Larry continues, "See, for the past two weeks Balki has been glued to the TV.  He wonít go to bed at night.  Heís late to work because he doesnít want to miss the end of ĎThe Flying Nun.í  What do you think I should do?"  Lydia looks taken aback and then nervous and confused.  "Lydia, what do you think?"  "Donít push me!" Lydia snaps, "I am not good at these spur of the moment answers!  I am a small neurotic woman with problems of my own, Lar-ry!  I canít take this kind of pressure!  Why is everyone bothering me?  Why do all the people think I have the answers?"  She hurries up the stairs as she rants.  "Thank you!" Larry offers as he watches her go.

Mr. Gorpley storms out of his office, yelling, "Where is that idiot Mypiot?  Heís not still at lunch is he?"  "Oh no, heís here, Mr. Gorpley," Larry lies, "I donít even know if he went to lunch!  You know Balki usually works straight through . . . work work work work work . . . .  Is something wrong?"  "Yes, somethingís wrong!" Gorpley snarls, "The managing editor sent out an emergency delivery yesterday that never got there!  Thatís the third time your cousin has fouled up this week!  If I get one more complaint weíll have to do something about that, wonít we?  Oh!  I have an idea!  Iíll fire him!"  Gorpley storms back into his office with Larry assuring him all the way, "Iíll be sure he gets the message!  And you have just a lovely, lovely . . . . "  As Gorpleyís office door slams Larry cracks, "Jerk!"

Larry starts to work at the mail table again as the elevator door opens and Balki, wearing his jacket and dark glasses, steps out quickly.  Harriette steps out of the elevator behind him with concern.  Balki hurries past Larry to hang his jacket on a coat rack.  Larry walks up behind him.  "Balki, did you go home for lunch?"  Balki nods.  "Did you turn on the TV?"  "I donít want to talk about it," Balki insists, walking away but Larry follows.  "Did you turn on the TV?"  "Oh Cousin, you can read me like a brown paper bag," Balki sighs, removing the sunglasses, "ĎLeave it to Beaverí was on.  It was a wonderful episode . . . at the end, Ward said, ĎBeav . . . no matter what you do your mother and I will always love you.í  Well, I got to tell you, I broke down and cried Ďtil my eyes fell out."  "Balki, you are forty minutes late!" Larry notes, "And Ward said that at the end of every episode!

"If you donít get your act together, Gorpley is going to fire you!" Larry warns.  "All right, Cousin, Iím sorry," Balki apologizes, "I know I did wrong.  It wonít happen again, I promise!"  "Well good," Larry sighs, "Iím glad to hear it."  "Arenít you going to forgive me like Ward forgave the Beav?" Balki asks coyly.  "Yes, I forgive you," Larry offers.  Balki smiles and hugs Larry happily.  "This stuff has got to go up to Myers in Classified right away!" Larry explains, handing Balki a basket of mail.  "Okay," Balki says, dropping his sunglasses into the basket and running up the stairs, "Iím faster than a speeding bullet!  More powerful than a locomotive!  Able to leap small children in a single bound!"

After Balki exits and Larry goes back to his desk, Harriette approaches him.  "You got a problem there, sugar.  That boyís becoming a couch potato!"  "A couch potato?" Larry asks.  "You know," Harriette continues, "one of those people that spend so much time watching TV they end up with a butt the size of Detroit?"  "Well, I think itís just the novelty of having 24 hour cable," Larry explains.  "Oh yeah?" Harriette asks, "Does he stay up all night?"  "No!  No, not all night," Larry insists, "Heís usually in bed by five . . . six in the morning, right after ĎGumby.í"  "Mmm hmmm, well does he ever hum the theme from ĎI Dream of Jeannie?í" Harriette asks.  "I donít think Iíd recognize it," Larry admits.  At that moment Balki returns at the top of the stairs, dancing and singing the ĎI Dream of Jeannieí theme song as he comes down and returns to work.  "Thatís it!" Harriette announces, "You got yourself a couch potato!"

The second act begins with Larry in the apartment, snapping his briefcase closed and heading for the front door.  The door suddenly swings open, hitting Larry in the face, as Balki rushes in and hurries to the kitchen.  Larry holds his pained nose as Balki grabs a box of donuts and runs to the couch, sitting down and grabbing up the remote . . . only to find the television gone.  "Aaah!" Balki screams, "Weíve been robbed!"  Larry touches Balkiís shoulder, making him jump.  "Balki . . . we havenít been robbed.  I took the television."  Balki sighs with relief, saying, "Oh!  You took the television!"  He suddenly looks worried, asking "You took the television?"

"Balki, Iíve given this a lot of thought and what Iíve done is for your own good," Larry explains, "Youíve been watching too much television lately and youíve just got to stop!"  "Let me get this straight," Balki begins, "Youíre telling me that I canít watch television."  "Yes," Larry confirms.  "I see," Balki hums, "and Iím telling you . . . . "  He grabs Larry by the shirt and lifts him up to his face.  " . . . give me the TV!"  Larry pulls himself free, explaining calmly, "Itís not here.  Itís in a locker at the bus station."  "Oh I see!" Balki hums, "itís in a locker at the bus station."  He grabs Larry by the shirt again.  "Give me the key!"  Larry pulls himself free again.  "I havenít got it.  I gave it to Jennifer and Mary Anne."  Balki throws Larry onto the couch and heads for the door.  "Theyíre on a flight to Zurich!" Larry adds.  Balki walks back, asking, "What is this?  Some kind of sick joke?"

Larry stands up.  "Balki, ever since we got cable you spend all night watching TV and eating junk food.  Do you know itís been two weeks since youíve eaten with a fork?  Now what kind of life is that?"  "Itís a wonderful life," Balki insists, motioning for Larry to sit down, "Now Cousin, if thatís all thatís bothering you just sit down, listen to me.  I can stop watching TV any time I want to!"  "You can stop any time?" Larry asks skeptically.  "You have to ask?" Balki asks.  "Yes!"  "What was the question?" Balki asks.  "You can stop watching TV any time you want to?" Larry repeats.  "Of course I can!" Balki insists.  "Then do it!"  "Do what?"  "Stop!"  "Stop what?"  "Stop watching TV!"  "When?"  "Tonight!"  "Tonight?"  "Tonight!"  "Who?"  "You!  Tonight!  Stop watching TV tonight!!" Larry snaps in frustration.

Balki laughs, saying, "Well, all right!  Thereís no need to get crazy.  We donít have a television, Iíll have to do without, wonít I?  Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!"  Larry is taken aback by Balkiís sudden calmness.  "So thatís it?  Youíre not going to watch any more television?"  "What did I just say?" Balki asks.  "Good!" Larry sighs, "Well, Iíd like to stay here with you but I have to go.  Mr. Flynn wants me to cover the hearing at the water commission."  Larry goes to the door and picks up his briefcase, stopping to ask, "Youíll be all right?"  "Well, Iíll be fine," Balki assures him as he reaches for a book on the coffee table, "Iíll just sit here and read this book."  "Okay," Larry finally says, stepping out the door but stopping again, "See you later."  "See you later," Balki offers, "Iíll just be sitting here reading this book."  Larry nods and leaves.  Balki looks down at the open book for only a second then his eyes look upward in a scheming manner.

When Larry returns home he finds Balki sitting in a dark apartment, staring slack-jawed at a big screen television set.  Larryís mouth drops open in shock.  Larry turns on the light, hangs up his jacket and sets down his briefcase before walking over to the couch.  "Balki!  Balki!  Balki!"  Balki doesnít respond so Larry walks to the television and turns it off.  "Where did you get that??"  "Crazy Alís Video," Balki answers, using the remote to turn the set back on.  "All right, well this has gotten completely out of hand!" Larry cries, "We have to take this back!"  He turns the set off again.  "I donít think so," Balki says cooly, turning the set back on.  Larry turns off the set again and Balki turns it back on with the remote.  They keep doing this, going faster and faster, Balki treating it like a game, until Larry gets fed up and lunges for the remote in Balkiís hand, trying to wrestle it away.

"Give me the remote!" Larry insists.  "Get your own remote!" Balki answers.  Larry looks at the screen and cries, "Oh look, thereís Gumby!"  Balki looks at the television and Larry snatches the remote away, jumping off the couch.  "You tricked Balki!" Balki cries.  "Youíre damn right I tricked Balki!" Larry snaps.  "Give me my remote!" Balki yells, getting up and chasing Larry.  Larry stops just past the couch, yelling, "Balki!  Youíve got to stop watching so much television!  I donít want to see you become a couch potato!"  "A couch po-tah-to, HA!" Balki laughs, "No way, Rosť!  And do you know why?  Because I have no idea what that is!  Now give me my remote!"

Balki starts after Larry again, who stops in the kitchen.  "Balki!  A couch potato is someone who is addicted to television!  They sit on the couch watching it day and night.  They lose interest in everything else.  Their life is reduced to staring blindly at some flickering images on a little screen.  Is that what you want to become?"  Balki stares blankly, looking over Larryís shoulder.  "Balki?  Balki?  What are you doing?" Larry cries.  "Is that a TV in the window across the way?" Balki asks.  Larry looks, then cries, "Thatís a fish tank!"  "Oh, I thought I was watching ĎSea Hunt,í" Balki sighs.  "Oh God . . . youíve turned into a peeping potato!" Larry moans.

Stepping slowly toward Larry, Balki says, "Now listen, Cousin . . . for the last time . . . hand over the remote."  "No!" Larry stands firm.  Larry holds the remote out in his right hand then runs to the left, faking Balki out.  They run around the kitchen counter before Larry stops.  "Balki!"  "Cousin!" Balki insists, "I want my MTV!"  "Balki, TV is ruining your life!  Ever since we got cable, we donít go to ball games any more . . . we donít go out with Jennifer and Mary Anne . . . we donít doooo anything!"  "You want to know what you can dooooo?" Balki snarls, "You can give me back my remote!"

Balki starts after Larry again, who runs to the living room window and opens it, holding the remote out over the fire escape.  "All right, Balki!  Take one more step and the remote is dead meat."  "Youíre bluffing!" Balki says nervously.  "Try me!" Larry dares.  "You donít have the guts!" Balki contends.  Balki takes a step forward and Larry throws the remote away behind him where it clanks down the fire escape.  "I donít believe you did that," Balki states.  "Well, believe it, itís gone!" Larry smirks.  Balki looks lost for a moment, then determined.  "I donít need a stinkiní remote!  I can still turn on the television!  Why?  Because Iíve got this!"  Balki holds up his index finger defiantly.

Larry grabs Balkiís hand and they wrestle for a moment before Larry manages to slam Balkiís hand down on the dining table.  Balki straightens, holding up his index finger which is now bent, and giving Larry a scathing look.  Balki then holds up his other index finger and starts for the television with Larry hanging on to his arm trying to stop him.  "No!  No!" Larry cries, "All right, I wasnít going to mention this because I thought it would be too painful, but you give me no choice!  When was the last time you wrote a letter to your Mama?"  Balki stops suddenly, looking up in shock.  "Mama?  Well, it . . . it was just the other day . . . . "  "Wrong!" Larry snaps, "It was over two weeks ago!"

"That canít be," Balki says, getting upset, "It was right after we saw that wonderful Sean Penn and Madonna movie!"  "Time flies when youíre a potato," Larry comments, then motions to the cable guide sitting on top of the television, "Thereís the cable guide!  Why donít you look and see when it was on?  Go ahead!"  "No!" Balki cries.  "Yes!"  "No!"  "Yes!"  "No!"  "Look!!" Larry yells, pushing Balkiís head down toward the guide.  After a moment Balki asks, "Whatís today, Wednesday?"  Larry confirms it is and Balki thumbs through the cable guide, looking up in shock when heís done.

"It was two weeks ago!" Balki says, stunned, "Iíve never gone two weeks without writing Mama!  She must think something horrible has happened to me!"  "Something horrible has happened to you!" Larry points out (emphasizing the H sound the way Balki does).  "Cousin, youíre right.  Iíve turned into a Mr. Potato Head.  What am I going to do?"  "Balki, television is only bad if you abuse it," Larry explains, "All you have to do is learn to be more selective about what you watch."  "Do you think I could do that?"  "Of course you can!" Larry assures him, "Iíll help you."  "Oh, thank you, Cousin," Balki offers sincerely.  "Now first thing in the morning weíll go see Crazy Al and return this TV," Larry suggests.  "Thatís a good idea," Balki agrees, "You know, while weíre at it we should cancel that satellite dish I ordered."

Later at the Chicago Chronicle, Balki is putting on his jacket and getting ready to leave when Mr. Gorpley stalks out of his office.  "Leaving already, Bartokomous?" he asks snidely.  "Yes, Cousin Larry surprise me . . . heís taking me to a rock concert tonight.  My life in America just keeps getting better and better."  "Isnít that nice?" Mr. Gorpley asks sarcastically, which is lost on Balki, "Did you get the postage meter refilled?"  "Yes sir, and I put the recei-pit on your desk."  "Recei-pit?" Gorpley asks.  "Recei-pit," Balki repeats.  "Did you copy all those invoices?" Gorpley asks.  "Yes sir, and I made copies of the copies," Balki confirms.  "Ah ha!  I bet you didnít get those mailbags washed!" Gorpley smiles hopefully.  "Oh come on, you werenít serious about that, were you?" Larry asks, but Balki stops him.  "Yes, I got them washed and ironed, light starch, half in boxes, half on hangers.  Anything else?"  This infuriates Gorpley, who says, "One of these days, Bartokomous, youíre going to foul up.  And when you do, Iím going to throw a party."  "Oh, thank you, sir!" Balki smiles happily, taking Gorpleyís hand in his, "And listen, you donít have to pay for everything . . . Cousin Larry and I will bring the little hats."  Gorpley slumps back into his office, defeated.

"Come on, Balki, letís get going," Larry says, "Are you sure youíre ready for a rock concert?  They might have those big diamond-vision screens."  "Cousin, nothing I canít handle . . . Iíve got that TV turkey off my back!"  "Good," Larry nods.  "Listen, Cousin, donít you think itís time you tell me who weíre going to go see tonight?" Balki asks.  "Chicago!" Larry answers.  "I know where we are, Iím asking you who are we going to go see tonight?" Balki repeats.  "Chicago."  "Yes, I understand . . . Iím asking you whoís going to be singing here in Chicago?"  "The Beatles," Larry finally says out of frustration.  "Well, it was like pulling teeth, but thank you for a straight answer!" Balki offers as they turn to leave.

Script Variations:
There are a few differences between the shooting script dated September 152, 1987 and the final episode:
In the first scene, after Balki puts on Mr. Ed and does Mr. Ed's voice, he says, "You're right, Cousin.  Cable is wonderful."
- At the end of the second scene, after Balki kicks in his bedroom door while saying, "Mari, I'm home," he goes into his room.  A moment later Larry comes out of his room wondering what has happened.
- In the next scene, after Lydia says her deadline is in twenty minutes she adds, "The letters I got this morning were from real sickos.  I sent them over to the police department.  They love that kind of stuff."
- After freaking out when Larry asks for her advice and walking away, Lydia mumbles, "Why don't they give me a cooking column.  I could do that."
- When Harriette is asking Larry about Balki's couch potato symptoms, she asks, "Does he eat in front of the T.V. set?"  "Oh, no, no," Larry insists, "Just breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Oh, and snacks."
- There's an interesting note in this script at the beginning of Act Two when they are explaining how Larry is packing his briefcase and the television is gone.  It reads, "Larry starts for the door.  The door bursts open into his face.  (Okay, okay, it works.)"  It would be interesting to know what they got to work, but it could have been the wooden stop behind the door which you can see in some episodes that Mark would stand behind and which would stop the door from actually slamming into his face!
- When Balki says he is going to sit there and read a book, then Larry repeats it, Balki replies, "A mind is a terrible thing to waste."  Then when Larry leaves, Balki says, looking at the book, "Okay, I'll just pick up where I left off.  Pip goes to see Miss Haversham."  (He is referring to the Dickens' novel Great Expectations.)  After they adlib goodbyes, Balki looks up from the book.
- Instead of saying, "Do you know what you can doooo?", Balki says, "You want to doooo something?"
- The rest of the script is the same.

Continue on to the next episode . . .