Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 40 - To Be or Not To Be

First Air Date: January 6, 1988
Nielsen Rating: 17.3 HH

TV Guide Description: Balki and Larry are chosen over other staffers to appear in a Chronicle TV commercial, but the actor who finally ends up with the choice part comes as a complete surprise to them both.

Co-Producer: James OíKeefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Robert Blair
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Belita Moreno: Lydia Markham

Guest Cast:
Jo Marie Payton-France: Harriette Winslow
Steve Vinovich: Joel Berry, Director
Don Woodard: Miles, Assistant Director

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri can be seen on the bookcase dressed as a Hollywood star with sunglasses and even some gold bling around his neck.

Balki-isms:
"Cousin Larry is thinking of becoming a professional lesbian!"
"Cousin, youíre at least a two-bit player!"

Donít be ridiculous: Said once.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Balki, Balki, Balki . . . "
"Wrong!"

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Joking about Larryís lack of an upper lip
Larry drinking antacid from the bottle

Songs: "Together (Wherever We Go)" - sung by Harriette and Lydia as they audition for the director, Joel Berry.
"Tomorrow" - sung by Balki when he accidentally mistakes the song from Annie for the song "Tonight" from West Side Story.

Interesting facts:
-
The title of the episode is a line from Shakespeare's Hamlet, a quintessential piece for any actor.  It is also the title of a classic Jack Benny movie directed by Ernst Lubitsh which was remade in 1983 by Mel Brooks.
-
This is the first episode in which Harriette and Lydia get into a fight with each other.  They would verbally spar in many episodes to come.
- We are treated to Bronsonís hilarious impersonation of Robin Leach in this episode.  Balki would again do Robin Leach in the much later episode This New House.  Bronson also played Robin Leach in one of his many Pepsi taste test commercials.
- One funny in-joke in this episode is the characters of the director and first assistant director shooting the commercial are named Joel and Miles, after regular series director Joel Zwick and First Assistant Director Miles Kristman.
- When the director, Joel, proclaims theyíre not shooting a Bekins commercial, he is referring to Bekins Van Lines which is a well-known moving company.
- Balki again refers to Wayne Newton, suggesting that possibly the commercial director might know him.
- The song "Together (Wherever We Go) was originally written for the musical play
Gypsy.
- Steve Vinovich, who played Joel, the director, in this episode made an appearance in the very first episode of the series as a customer in the Ritz Discount Store.
- The final shot of the show involves an on-location shot of a Chicago city bus with Balki and Larryís Chronicle ad on the side driving past the Chicago Sun-Times building.  While this shot was obviously taken on location, the other shot of Balki and Larry running up the street to catch sight of the bus was likely filmed on a Los Angeles street, possibly even in Culver City near the studios.  A door behind them with the lettering "901 E. Wacker - Chicago Film Professionals" was probably set up to lend credence to their actually being in Chicago (a newsstand is also nearby for one of the Chicago newspapers).  The shot before this that pans down to the street in Chicago clearly shows the Hotel Wacker (which is located on West Huron Street).  Oddly enough the website TV Acres lists 901 E. Wacker as being the address for the Chicago Chronicle itself . . . this episode may be where they got that address (although the lettering on the door makes it clear theyíre not in front of the Chronicle at that point).  The Chicago Chronicle building was in reality the London Guarantee & Accident Building at 360 North Michigan Avenue (now known as the Crain Communications building) which is located at the termination of Wacker Drive.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
-
A very short and quick outtake from this episode can be seen during the "Friendship" commercial (it shows Balki and Larry while rehearsing the commercial, only Bronson apparently falls over laughing, landing in Markís lap).  This commercial can be seen on our YouTube channel.


Synopsis:
The episode begins in the basement of The Chronicle building. Lydia, who is wearing a very fancy crushed velvet, burgundy dress and jewelry, runs in from the parking garage to where Balki and Larry are standing near Larryís desk.  "Where is he?  Has he been down here yet?" she asks anxiously.  "Who are you talking about?" Balki asks.  "Who am I talking about?" Lydia asks incredulously.  "Well, if you donít know, how can I help you?" Balki asks.  "I am talking about the director, Joel Berry," Lydia explains, "Heís making the television commercial for The Chronicle!"  "I heard something about that," Larry realizes.  "He has been scouring the building look for the perfect Chronicle employee to star in it," Lydia continues, "but he hasnít found me yet."  "Well, in that dress I donít see how he can miss you!" Balki comments.

"Do you like it?" Lydia asks, "Oh, I hope Mr. Berry does!  I followed him around all morning but I wasnít able to catch his eye.  You would think that a nationally syndicated columnist would be able to attract his attention, but no!  So I ran out and got this dress.  Itís an original . . . one of a kind!"  As she backs up so they can see it the elevator door opens and Harriette steps out, wearing the exact same dress and jewelry.  As the women eye each other in shock, Harriette snaps, "Iíd better be looking at a mirror!" "They told me mine was the only one like this!" Lydia cries.  "In your size, maybe!" Harriette counters.  Turning sweet, Lydia tries another approach.  "Uh, Harriette . . . just between you and me, I donít think thatís your color."  "Today it is!" Harriette smiles back.  The buzzer for the elevator rings.  "That could be Mr. Berry!" Harriette realizes aloud, then she points down at Lydiaís dress, exclaiming, "Oh, look at that stain!"  As Lydia looks down to check Harriette runs into the elevator and closes the door.  "Damn . . . sheís good," Lydia swears, before running to the stairs and hurrying up them quickly.

Balki turns to Larry excitedly.  "Maybe the director will notice you and then he will put you in the commercial, and you will become a star and start living the lifestyle of the rich and famous!  And then that guy will say about you . . . "  Balki breaks into a perfect impersonation of Robin Leach, " . . . ĎExperts said it couldnít be done, impossible!  Oh, yeah?  A man with no upper lip at all parlayed it into spectacular screen success and a fabulous dream villa in pulsating Puerto Vallarta!  Has success ruined him?  Well, of course not, donít be ridiculous!í"  Larry shouts at Balki to make him stop, then dismissed the notion by saying, "Heís not gonna pick me.  Heíll probably find whoever heís looking for on one of the upper floors.  Thatís where all the glamour jobs are."

Two men, the director Joel Berry and his assistant, enter from the door under the stairs, as one is saying, "What is the matter with you, Miles?  Showing me a loading dock?  Now weíre not shooting a Bekins commercial, Miles!"  The director stops and realizes where he is, saying in frustration, "Well, what is this place?  I mean, it looks like a basement!"  "It is a basement," Miles answers.  "Oh!" the man says in surprise.  Balki looks at Larry, asking, "Is that the director?"  "I think it is!" Larry confirms.  "Well, if heís a director he might know Wayne Newton!" Balki says excitedly, turning to approach the men, but Larry stops him.  "Balki, heís a very busy man.  Iím sure he doesnít want to be bothered.  Why donít we just go about our business and pretend heís not here."

Sadly Balki starts back toward his table just as the director is looking through his hands to frame possible shots.  He spots Balki and "frames" him, causing Balki to look confused before continuing toward his work table.  Larry watches this with interest as the director pushes his hands toward Balki suddenly, making Balki jump back.  Trying to ignore the men, Balki takes a few letters over to Larry, saying, "Hereís your mail, Cousin."  Larry thanks him and Balki goes back to his table to continue working.  "I donít believe it, Miles," the director says, "Two people who are actually working instead of auditioning."

The director steps toward Balki, asking, "Can I see that again?"  "Can you see what again?" Balki asks.  "Uh, give him the mail."  "I just did," Balki says.  "I know, but would you just mind going through the motions again?" the director asks, positioning himself in a kneeling position before Balki and "framing" him again with his hands.  Balki makes the motions as if heís handing mail to someone.  "No, no," the director sighs, "Just walk to the desk."  He indicates he wants Balki to walk to Larryís desk, which Balki does as the director follows, imagining the shot.  "Stop!" the director cries, "Thatís it!  Miles, I have found the person for my commercial!"  "Balki, did you hear that?" Larry asks excitedly, standing up, "I think youíre going to be in the commercial!"  "Oh well, heís going to be in it, too," the director explains, "But you!"  He points to Larry.  "Youíre my star!"  At this moment Harriette and Lydia appear at the top of the stairs, spotting Joel Berry below.  They break into a duo of the classic song, "Together (Wherever We Go)" as Balki and Larry stare up at them in wonder.

At the guysí apartment, Balki and Larry are sitting on the couch with Jennifer and Mary Anne.  There is an array of Chinese take out cartons on the coffee table.  "Too bad weíre going to miss you film your commercial, it sounds exciting!" Jennifer offers.  "Yeah, we have to fly to boring old Paris," Mary Anne sighs.  "Iíd love to see you act," Jennifer adds.  "Well, you may get your chance!" Balki interrupts, "Cousin Larry is thinking of becoming a professional lesbian!"  "What?" Jennifer asks in confusion.  "Thespian," Larry corrects.  "What?" Mary Anne asks in confusion.  "Actor!" Larry clarifies, "I was just kicking around the idea of doing some theater, you know, local stuff.  Then, who knows?  Maybe Tinseltown?"  "Cousin, youíre going to Santaís Village?" Balki asks excitedly.  "Hollywood," Larry explains.

"We have to get to the airport early," Jennifer says, and they get up. "Good luck," Jennifer offers, kissing Larry on the cheek. Larry thanks her, smiling. "Good night, Balki," Mary Anne offers, and Balki takes her hand and shakes it gently, saying, "Good night, Mary Anne." Balki, Mary Anne and Jennifer start for the door, then stop while Larry says, "And donít worry! If this all works out like I think it might, I wonít forget the little people." They start for the door again but Larry continues, "The people who believed in me. The people who said, ĎLarry . . . youíve got a dream . . . go out and live it.í The people . . . . " "Larry . . . I have to do my hair in the morning," Jennifer interrupts. "Sorry," Larry apologizes, "See you when you get back?" Balki sees the girls out.

Balki leans against the front door, sighing, "Well, big day tomorrow.  Guess Iíll turn in."  He starts for his bedroom but Larry stops him.  "Balki, come here," Larry motions, "We have got a lot of work to do.  I wanna prepare you for the commercial.  So, letís rehearse your part."  "What is there to rehearse?" Balki asks, "I just walk up to you like this and say ĎHereís your mail, Mr. Appletoní and . . . . "  "Thatís how youíre going to do it tomorrow?" Larry asks.  "Thatís how I do it every day."  "Balki, every day youíre a person delivering the mail," Larry explains, "but tomorrow youíll be an actor playing the part of a person delivering the mail.  Two completely different things.  One is a job, the other is acting."  "No, Cousin," Balki contradicts, "one is delivering the mail and the other is . . . delivering the mail."

"Balki, Balki, Balki," Larry sighs, "I know a little bit about acting . . . oh, why be modest?  I know a lot about acting.  In high school I built the sets for West Side Story."  "I love that one," Balki smiles, then starts singing the song "Tomorrow" from Annie.  "Balki, and uh . . . speaking of tomorrow, I wouldnít want you to be embarrassed tomorrow because you wouldnít let me help you tonight."  "I donít want to be embarrassed tomorrow," Balki says nervously.  "No, I didnít think you would," Larry sighs, "Here, letís get started."  He positions Balki to his left and pulls the coffee table closer to the couch.  "Letís pretend that this is my desk."  He then pulls Balki toward the kitchen, saying, "your workspace is over here.  You cross to me and have me the mail."  He gives Balki a cloth napkin to use as the mail.  "Okay, ready?" Larry walks back to the couch to sit down, "Go!"

Balki starts to walk toward the couch normally, but barely gets two steps before Larry shouts out, "Wrong!"  "But I havenít done anything yet," Balki points out.  "Balki, my high school drama teacher always said ĎActing is just concentration and relaxation,í" Larry coaches, "So when you walk, concentrate on relaxing."  Larry runs through the words again with Balki mimicking the concentration and then the relaxation alternately.  "Okay, ready?  Letís try it."  Larry goes back to his position, then says, "Go!"  Balki starts to walk forward very laboriously, with jerky motions.  "Relax your feet!" Larry encourages.  Balki tries, walking even more awkwardly.  "Relax your knees!" Larry says, and Balkiís knees go rubbery.  "Relax your hips!" Balkiís hips swing, out of sync with the rest of his body as he continues forward.  "Swing those arms!"  Balki swings his arms, jerking in all directions now.  "Head up!  Shoulders back!"  Balki puts his shoulders back so far he stumbles backward several steps.  "Not that far back!" Larry corrects.  Finally Balki stops his spastic movements in front of Larry.  "Not bad!" Larry encourages and Balki is tickled.

"All right, letís work on your line," Larry continues, sitting down, "Go ahead, say it."  "Hereís your mail, Mr. Appleton," Balki says in a straight forward manner, handing Larry the napkin.  "Mail!" Larry says, standing again, "Youíve got to emphasize Ďmail.í  Thatís the important word.  Now try it again."  "Hereís your mail!" Balki tries.  "Mail!" Larry corrects.  "Mail," Balki tries again.  "Mmmmmmail," Larry offers, coaxing Balki to draw the word out as heís doing.  They both start saying "Mmmaaaaaaiiiilllll!" in a long, drawn out way, Larry trying to point out to Balki that he should be curling his tongue on the ĎLí part of the word.  Finally Larry picks up a couple of chopsticks, using one to say "Mmaaaaiiiiillllll," while curling his tongue around the stick on the ĎL.í  He then asks Balki to do the same, shoving the chopstick into Balkiís mouth when he reaches the ĎLí and cutting him off abruptly.  Larry pulls the chopstick out of Balkiís mouth just as quickly.

"Okay, letís put it all together," Larry suggests, motioning for Balki to go back to his spot.  "All right, ready?  Go!" Larry directs.  Balki starts walking forward again with the same laborious movements he used before, looking completely ridiculous as Larry again shouts out the same directions.  "Relax the feet . . . relax the knees . . . hips . . . swing those arms . . . head up . . . shoulders back . . . . "  Balki finally bumps into Larry, who sits down and motions for Balki to say his line.  "Hereís your MMMAAAAAIIIIIIILLLLLLLLL, Mr. Appleton!" Balki bursts out, looking at Larry hopefully when heís done.  After a pause Larry nods, saying, "Better!"

Act two starts the next day at the Chronicle.  The commercial crew is set up in the basement ready to film the ad.  "Listen up, everybody!" Joel Berry announces, "We are ready to roll.  Uh, Balki, coming in . . . "  Miles grabs Balki away from the makeup lady who is working on him and pulls him onto the "set" (their regular workplaces).  "Now, I want a little spontaneity in this commercial so weíre going to do it without a rehearsal.  Okay?"  He hands Balki the mail as the makeup woman finishes on Larry, who is at his desk.  "This is a take!" the director proclaims as he walks to his chair and Miles tells the camera to roll tape.  "Settle . . . everyone settle," Joel says firmly, then quietly adds, "And . . . action."

Balki walks to Larryís desk in the same jerky fashion they had rehearsed the night before.  "Uh, cut!" the director calls as he walks over to Balki, pulling him to one side.  "Are your legs okay?" he asks.  "Well, I donít mean to brag, but on Mypos theyíre the talk of the village," Balki says, pulling up his pants leg slightly to show.  Larry stands up, saying, "Joel, can I have a second?"  "Oh, yeah Lar," Joel says, stepping over to him.  "Donít worry, heíll get it," Larry assures him, "Iíve been working with him myself.  Just tell him less knees, more hips.  That should do it."  "Less knees, more hips," Joel repeats, understanding the problem now, "Got it!"  He starts back to Balki as Larry says, "Thanks, babe!"

"Balki, I understand youíve been working with your cousin," Joel comments.  "Oh yes, he has been very helpful!" Balki enthuses, "He taught me the difference between just delivering the mail and being an actor who is playing the part of a person delivering the mmaaaiillll."  "I see," Joel sighs, "Balki, just forget everything he told you, all right, and just simply deliver the mail."  He heads back to his chair.  "Roll tape," Miles tells the cameraman.  "And action!" Joel says.  Balki walks to Larryís desk and says, perfectly, "Hereís your mail, Mr. Appleton."  He then cries out happily, "I did it!  I did it!"  Joel has to cut again.  "Balki, you said your line very well," Larry offers, "but now you have to let me do my part.  That is why weíre here."  Balki apologizes but Joel grabs the mail from Larryís desk and takes Balki back to his original mark, assuring him itís okay.  When they get to Balkiís place Joel turns him into his spot and slaps the mail into Balkiís hand in a fluid motion.

Joel goes back to his chair as Larry calls out, "Roll tape!"  "Larry, thatís my job," Miles points out.  "Then letís get with it, Miles!" Larry says sharply.  Miles and Joel share a look, then Miles says "Roll tape."  The director calls for action again.  Balki walks to Larryís desk and hands him the mail, saying, "Hereís your mail, Mr. Appleton."  "Thanks, Balki," Larry says in a deep, stilted voice, "Here at the Chicago Chronicle, we work hard every day . . . "  "Cut!" Joel cries, walking over to Larryís desk and asking, "What the hell was that?"  "What did I do?" Balki asks worriedly.  "No, not you," Joel assures him, looking at Larry, "Him!  What was that voice?  What happened to your regular voice?"  "That was my regular voice," Larry answers, then adds, "modulated to performance level."  "Well, donít modulate," Joel says, "Just . . . just speak!"  "Okay," Larry scoffs, "If thatís what you want."  "Indulge me, hmm?" Joel asks.

The director takes Balki back to his spot, turns him into it and slaps the mail into his hand again (this is now becoming a regular rhythm with them).  Returning to his chair they start again.  Balki walks to Larryís desk, saying his line perfectly.  "Thanks, Balki," Larry says, speaking slightly more normally this time.  Larry then turns to the camera.  "Here at the Chicago Chronicle, we work hard every day . . . but hey, that doesnít mean weíre not fun people!"  "Cut!" Joel cries, getting up again and walking to Larryís desk, "Uh, where did those words come from?  You see, Ďfun peopleí isnít in my script."  "I was having trouble with lines you gave me," Larry explains, "they didnít . . . pop!"  "Just say the lines the way theyíre written, hmmm?" Joel asks.

Once again the director takes Balki back to his place, turns him and slaps the mail into his hand them returns to his chair to start again.  Balki walks to Larryís desk and says, "Thereís your mail, Mr. Appleton."  "Cut!" Larry calls out.  "No!  No!" Joel cries, getting up yet again, trying hard to control his temper, "No, you canít say cut, you see, thatís . . . thatís my job."  "Yes, but he said Ďthereís your mailí instead of Ďhereís your mailí and I thought we were sticking to the script," Larry explains.  Balki is mortified but Joel assures him heís doing fine.  "Larry . . . " the director starts, then stops, turning to his crew and saying, "Letís take a break.  Huh?  I think I need a creative meeting over here!"

The director walks over to Balkiís table with the crew to talk when Larry steps in, saying, "I think I have a solution!"  "Lar, I think I have a solution of my own," Joel assures him, "So we really wonít need you for this meeting."  Larry look at Miles, who shakes his head no, as do the other members of the crew.  "Okay, weíll try it your way first," Larry smiles and walking back to Balki, who looks worried.  "The director seems upset with someone," Larry reports.  "Iím doing my best, Cousin," Balki sighs.  "Donít you worry, Balki," Larry assures him, "If they decide not to use you in this commercial . . . I walk!"

At the apartment some time later, Balki, Larry, Jennifer and Mary Anne are once again in the boysí living room with take out food in front of them on the coffee table as they finish watching something on television.  "Well, Mary Anne, letís help clean up before we go," Jennifer suggests.  The guys are quick to insist they donít have to do that, that they will do it.  Some music starts playing from the television and Jennifer points to it, saying, "Wait, isnít that the Chronicle building?"  "Cousin, itís our commercial!" Balki realizes excitedly as he and the girls sit down to watch.  "Oh, we donít need to see that," Larry says, turning off the television.  "Oh, yes we do!" the others cry as they turn it back on quickly.

We see the screen of the television as Balki walks to Larryís desk and says, "Hereís your mail, Mr. Appleton!"  Balki then sits on the corner of the desk and addresses the audience (during all this Larry is looking decidedly embarrassed, saying nothing), "Hi! Iím Balki Bartokomous and I just delivered the mail to a reporter here at the Chronicle, and if he were not so busy writing an article for todayís paper he would tell you that here at the Chronicle we work hard every day to bring you the news with a friendly touch."  He touches Larry on the shoulder with one finger.  "So join our friendly family every morning with The Chronicle."  At this point an announcers voice takes over as text comes on the screen, saying, "The Chicago Chronicle . . . news with a friendly touch."

"Balki, you were wonderful!" Mary Anne exclaims.  "Oh . . . Cousin Larry was good!" Balki insists, being generous.  "Was Larry in it?" Mary Anne asks with surprise.  "Of course he was!" Jennifer insists, "And you were very good, too!  I mean . . . itís hard to just sit there and not say anything!"  Realizing sheís making it worse, Jennifer tries again, "I mean, from what we could see in your face expressed a whole kind of range of emotion.  And . . . and the way you took the mail!  You made it look so easy!"  "Do you think we should go now?" Mary Anne asks.  "Yes, I do!" Jennifer says emphatically as they get up to leave.  Jennifer continues to try to be encouraging as she leaves, saying, "Thanks for a great evening.  It was a great night and Larry you were . . . great!"  Mary Anne wishes them good night and the girls leave.

Larry gets up and goes to the kitchen to get his bottle of antacid out of the cupboard while Balki turns off the television.  As Larry chugs some, Balki approaches the counter.  "Cousin, youíre upset," Balki notes.  "No, Iím fine," Larry insists, drinking again.  "Now Cousin, ever since we finished making that commercial youíve been on an antacid binge," Balki says, "Donít you think it would make you feel better to talk about it?"  "When Jennifer and Mary Anne left for Paris I was Larry Appleton, star!  By the time they got back I was Larry Appleton, bit player."  "Cousin, youíre at least a two-bit player!" Balki insists.

"Balki, I told everyone I was gonna be a big star!" Larry whines, "I even practiced my autograph . . . Love ya, Larry A.  I lost my part in the first five minutes."  "But Cousin, thatís just because they Ďwent a different way with it,í" Balki says.  "Balki, thatís Hollywood talk for getting fired.  Now when my friends look at me all theyíll see is Larry Appleton, the jerk."  "Cousin, you underestimate your friends!" Balki sighs, "We donít see that ridiculous Larry Appleton!  Not for a second!"  "You donít?" Larry asks hopefully.  "Well . . . maybe for a second," Balki reconsiders, "but Cousin, when your friends look at you we see Larry Appleton, the good friend . . . and Larry Appleton, the kind person . . . and Larry Appleton, who is always there when you need him . . . and Larry Appleton, who never tears the tags off of mattresses . . . and Larry Appleton . . . . "  "Thanks, Balki, I feel better," Larry stops him.

"You know, I have to admit you were pretty good in that commercial," Larry says, as Balki scoffs.  "No, I mean it!" Larry insists, "You were sensational!  Even just the way you said ĎHereís the mail.í"  "Mailll," Balki corrects.  "Thatís what I said," Larry insists.  "No, you said Ďmail.í  Itís mailll."  "Mailll," Larry tries again.  "Better!" Balki notes playfully.  "What Iím trying to say is, Iím proud of you," Larry offers, "and Iíll bet you get a kick out of seeing your picture on every bus in Chicago!"  "Well . . . youíve got a surprise coming your way, Cousin," Balki teases.  "What is it?" Larry asks.  Balki walks away, not saying anything, as Larry follows him asking what the surprise is.

We cut to an exterior establishing shot of Chicago, then pan down to one of the streets.  The scene then cuts to a shot of Balki and Larry running up the street and stopping at an intersection where Balki points across from them.  We see a bus going down the street and stopping with a big advertisement for the Chicago Chronicle on its side, featuring pictures of both Larry and Balki.  As the bus pulls away, the cousins lean to one side to watch its progress as it pulls away to pass in front of the Chicago Sun-Times building.


Script Variations:
There are a few differences between the shooting script dated October 27, 1987 and the final aired episode:
The script begins with Larry at his desk clipping coupons out of the paper.  Balki crosses over from his worktable.  "What are you doing, Cousin?" Balki asks.  "Balki, look at these," Larry says, holding up the coupons for Balki.  Balki reads one aloud, "Can you really afford hair loss?"  Larry grabs the coupon from Balki.  "No, no this one.  For twelve dollars and this coupon we can take home Hop Sing's Mandarin dinner for four.  We'll invite the girls over.  Create a romantic mood right in our own apartment.  Dinner will be intimate, yet inexpensive."  Balki looks at Larry with admiration and says, "Cousin, they don't call you King of the cheapskates for nothing."  This is when Lydia comes in asking about Joel Berry.  This would of course explain the takeout Chinese food they had with the girls at their apartment.
- Balki's line after Lydia says "Who am I talk about?" is "Well, if you don't know it's going to be hard as heck to find him."  While Lydia is losing it about how she hasn't been able to catch the director's eye she also says, "He's too busy looking at tall women with their long legs and tiny waists and those bras that lift and separate.  Sorry."  Then she explains how she picked out the dress she's wearing.
- Balki's Robin Leach impersonation is written as, "From his humble beginnings in Madison, Wisconsin, little Larry Appleton began his spectacular screen career with a simple commercial.  At the tender age of . . . "  Larry then interrupts to say he'll probably want someone from the upper floors where the glamour jobs are.
- On copies of the script someone has noted that Larry's line, "He's a very busy man . . . " is changed to "He looks like he's a very busy man . . . "
- When Lydia and Harriette are performing "Together," Balki comments, "Ooh.  They're good."
- At the apartment, the takeout cartons are on the coffee table and Jennifer and Mary Anne are sitting on the couch.  Larry is on the phone at the kitchen counter with Balki beside him.  "That's right, Mom," Larry says into the phone, "I'm starring in a commercial."  "Tell her about the buses," Balki reminds him.  "It'll be shown all over the Chicago land area," Larry continues.  "Tell her about the buses," Balki repeats.  "Looks like you got a celebrity in the family, Mom."  After a beat Larry has to add, "Me."  "Tell her about the buses," Balki insists.  "That's Balki," Larry explains to him mom, "He wants me to tell you my face is going to be on all the city buses."  "Tell her about the buses," Balki says again.  "I just did," Larry points out.  "Oh, then tell her I say hello and thank her for the socks she sent me on my birthday, and . . . "  Larry moves away from Balki and Balki falls over the counter.  "Look, Mom, I'd love to talk longer, but I've got to save my voice for tomorrow," Larry explains, "An actor's voice is his instrument.  Love you, too.  Bye."  Larry starts to let Balki say goodbye but realizes Balki is upside down over the counter.  Larry hangs up and he and Balki join the girls on the couch.  "Sorry that took so long," Larry says, "Mom wanted to know every detail."  This is when Jennifer says she's sorry they're going to miss the filming of the commercial.
- When Larry explains how he is thinking about becoming a professional actor he says, "I was just kicking around the idea of doing some theater.  You know, local stuff.  Then who knows?  Maybe Saturday Night Live."  Balki chimes in with, "Why stop there, Cousin?  Why not Sunday Night Movies?  Monday Night Football?"  "Balki, Balki," Larry sighs, then to the girls he notes, "He's my biggest fan."
- When they say goodbye to the girls at the door Larry says he won't forget the little people.  After the girls leave Balki asks "Cousin, who are these little people?"  "Never mind about that," Larry dismisses him, and suggests they rehearse Balki's lines.  Larry brags that he knows a lot about acting and that in high school he built the sets for 'West Side Story'.  Balki says, "Wow!  I loved 'West Side Story.'  'I could have been a contender, instead of a bum.  Which is what I am.'"  "No.  No.  That's 'On the Waterfront,'" Larry corrects.  "Oh, that's right," Balki says, "'West Side Story' is the one with Mary Poppins and all the kids trying to escape from the singing nuns."  "Yes, that's right," Larry agrees.  This is when Balki says, "I love that one" and sings 'Tomorrow' from 'Annie'.
- At one point while trying to get Balki to say the word "mail" properly, Larry tells him to "Feel the vibration."
- When they are getting ready to shoot the commercial, Larry is reading the weekly entertainment industry magazine, Variety.  This is in the show but you can only see the cover briefly and then Balki is pulled in front of it and Larry folds the magazine so the title can't be seen.  The director, Joel, says, "Settle and action."  Balki doesn't move.  "Balki, that's your cue," Joel explains.  "Well of course it is, don't be ridiculous," Balki replies, then asks, "What's a cue?"  "Cue means that you do your action," Joel answers.  "Oh, you want me to deliver the mail," Balki understands.  "Please," Joel confirms.  "Now?" Balki asks.  "Yes," Joel replies.  Balki then crosses with his legs moving like jelly.
- After they all see the commercial on television at the apartment and the girls leave, Larry says, "I've never felt so humiliated in my life."  "Cousin, just because you spilled soy sauce on your shirt is no reason to feel humiliated," Balki offers.  Later when Balki is trying to console Larry he talks about how he's a good friend, kind person and snappy dresser, then adds, "Cousin, it's just like that movie 'It's a Wonderful Life.'  If you hadn't ever been born, all our lives would have a big Larry Appleton size hole in the middle."

Continue on to the next episode . . .