Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 44 - Better Shop Around

First Air Date: February 10, 1988
Filmed on: June 12, 1987
Nielsen Rating: 16.4 HH

TV Guide Description: As winners of a shopping spree, conspicuous consumers Balki and Larry race the clock to get as much as they can at the supermarket.

Co-Producer: James OíKeefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Bob Keyes
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons

Guest Cast:
Al Pugliese: Mr. Devanney, Store Manager
Kimmy Robertson: Cashier
Diane Sainte-Marie: Angry Customer
Judy Kain: Sample Lady

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri is sitting on the chair next to the couch when Balki picks him up to "count" him.  Balki then sets Dimitri onto the coffee table where he remains for the rest of the scene.  In the last scene Dimitri can be seen sitting on the kitchen counter with a small shopping basket in front of him and balloons above.

Balki-isms:
"You can just count me out and down in Beverly Hills!"
"This morning I must have got up on the wrong side of my brain!"

Donít be ridiculous: Said twice in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Watch . . . and learn!"
Larryís scolding "Eh!" after he tells Balki not to do something and starts to walk away
"I have no idea!"
"Where do I come up with them?"
"I have . . . a plan!"
"Yes!  Yes!"
Mary Anneís loud "Yay!"

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Larry tells Balki to do something in a figurative sense, like "take this . . . " then immediately tells him "not" to literally do it before Balki can hardly begin to
.
Balki tries to tell Larry something but Larry keeps interrupting, asking Balki repeatedly if he wants to learn how to do something (precedes "Watch . . . and learn!")
Larry mentions having to buy antacid in the store and then drinks some at the end of the episode
Balki runs in the house and jumps on the couch
Balki laughs at his own joke
The Dance of Joy (only partially done by Balki)
They ask "do you . . . ?" to which the other one scoffs until finally giving in and admitting they do
Balki gives a saying in Myposian, commenting that it says it all until Larry says it doesnít, then Balki gives the translation
Balki and Larry laugh and then sigh simultaneously

Interesting facts:
-
The title of the episode is taken from the song Shop Around recorded in 1960 by The Miracles. 
-
While this was the first episode filmed for the third season (after the summer break, at least) it was not shown on television until February. 
- Kimmy Robertson plays the cashier in this episode and practically steals the scene with her wonderful voice. Kimmy would return to play Balkiís replacement for Mary Anne, a girl named Honey, in the seventh season episode It Had to Be You.
- The role of the grocery store manager was originally to be played by actor Peter Iacangelo. The characterís first name was left as Pete and his last name, Devanney, is the same as writer Tom Devanney who would write several scripts for the series later on.
- Once again Balki and Larryís neighbor lady, Mrs. Schlegelmilch, is mentioned.
- All the food used to stock the grocery store set was donated to the needy.
- There is a very funny in-joke hidden in the Myposian saying which Balki gives in this episode. As Bronson says the first part of the saying "Iffi yodi vy zwicki" he pantomimes running his fingers through long hair (the line meaning "If you let your hair down.") Director Joel Zwick had long hair which is likely why Bronson used the word "zwicki" for hair!

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
-
While the shopping spree is supposed to last for three minutes, in real time it comes out closer to 2 minutes and 30 seconds.  This wasn't a miscalculation during filming but a choice in editing, as several bits were cut from the shopping spree for the final show.  To read about some of these bits, read our On the Scene . . . report for this episode.
- A blooper from this episode in which Mark accidentally pulls Bronson off the couch too hard can be seen on our YouTube Channel, along with other bloopers from the series!


Synopsis:
As the episode opens we see the exterior of Bobís Market, which has a big Grand Opening sign out front.  Inside Balki is standing next to a table where a woman is handing out samples of cheese dogs.  Balki is piling packages of them into the cart when Larry approaches and asks what heís doing.  "Well, now Cousin, donít worry about it . . . theyíre free!"  "No . . . no, Balki . . . those are free," Larry says, motioning to the samples, "These are . . . $3.95?"  "Sorry," the woman offers.  Larry takes all the packages of cheese dogs out of the cart and leads Balki away, telling him, "We are not here to buy disgusting little cheese dogs.  You know, youíre the kind of guy supermarket owners love."  Balki is flattered but Larry explains, "It was not a compliment.  You obviously donít know the basic rules of shopping."  "Well, Cousin, on Mypos we donít have rules for shopping," Balki explains, "Come to think of it, we donít have rules for games."  "This is America!" Larry insists, "We have rules for everything!  Itís what distinguishes us from the . . . unruly."

"Cousin, will you teach me?" Balki asks.  "Well, I suppose I could give you a few pointers on comparison shopping," Larry sighs as they make their way to another aisle.  "Well, youíre going to have to because I donít even know where they keep the comparison," Balki says.  "Balki, comparison shopping is when you compare the prices of one item with another.  For instance, take this rice . . . donít take the rice!  Which package would you choose?"  "Well, that one looks nice," Balki says, pointing to a box on the top shelf.  "Very nice," Larry says, then scolds, "and expensive!  Rule one: donít fall for the attractive package trick!  You have to compare prices, check the weight, find the best value."  "Well, where is the best value?" Balki asks.  "Ah, thatís where this little baby comes in," Larry says, grabbing a calculator from their cart, "This is the calculator my father gave me the first time I went shopping alone."  Balki reaches for it but Larry holds it out of his reach, saying, "Some time Iíll teach you how to use it."

"Now," Larry checks the price on the box of Uncle Benís rice Balki pointed out, "one pound is $1.92, divided by 16 ounces, that would be . . . . "  As Larry punches the numbers in his calculator Balki says, "12 cents."  "12 cents an ounce," Larry announces when the calculator has given him the answer and then gives Balki a cool look.  Larry then goes to the next largest package and says, "All right, five pounds is $8.80, that would be . . . . "  "Eleven cents," Balki says.  "Eleven cents an ounce," Larry finally announces, again giving Balki a cool look.  "Now the next size is . . . "  This time Larry doesnít say the price out loud but quickly continues so Balki canít calculate the answer before him, " . . . that would be eight cents an ounce, therefore this is the best value."  Larry reaches down to pick up the enormous bag of rice, clumsily dropping it into the cart in front of them.  "Cousin, you know I canít help noticing that the best value weighs twenty five pounds," Balki says.  "Thatís right," Larry agrees, "by buying the economy size we can save four cents an ounce."  "But cousin, we have only eaten rice three times in the last year!" Balki points out.  "And that means we wonít have to buy rice again for . . . "  Larry works the calculator.  "Sixteen years!" Balki realizes.  "Sixteen years," Larry finally says, again giving Balki a look.

Larry continues, pulling their cart away as he lectures Balki, although Balki is motioning to the purse in the cart and trying to alert Larry that he has the wrong one.  "Now, if youíll notice, Iíve arranged the list according to the four major food groups . . . now that will give us the chance . . .  Balki, look I am trying to explain the rules, do you mind?  Do you want to learn about shopping or not?"  Balki says he does but continues to try to tell Larry about the cart.  "Do you?  Do you?  Do you want to learn about shopping or not?"  "Yes I do, but . . . . "  "All right, Balki . . . then Balki . . . watch . . . and learn!"  The woman who had pushed her cart close to them before arrives and announces, "This is my shopping cart!"  She lifts the bag of rice out of it and says, "Learn how to shop!" before hurling it at Larry.  Slowly Balki pulls their cart over to them.  "Why didnít you tell me I took the wrong cart?" Larry asks.  "Because I was busy watching . . . and learning," Balki answers.

Later at the checkout line, Balki is helping Larry to unload the cart as another customer is being helped ahead of them.  The electronic cash register announces the prices of the items as the checkout clerk runs them over the scanner.  "Tuna fish . . . $1.19."  Balki looks around, trying to figure out where the voice is coming from.  "Macaroni . . . $1.29."  "Did you say something?" Balki asks Larry.  "No, it was the cash register," Larry explains.  Balki walks up to the checkout girl and says, "Excuse me, my Cousin tell me that this cash register is talking."  "It is," the girl confirms, "Itís the latest thing in grocery technology.  Pretty radical, huh?"  "Your total is $69.25," the register says, "Thank you . . . have a nice day."  "Cousin . . . machines that talk!" Balki gasps, "And theyíre so polite!  Cousin, isnít this fun?"  "Yes, tons," Larry says unenthusiastically, "Iíve got to get some antacid . . . donít touch anything!"  Larry starts to walk away as Balki reaches to touch something and Larry turns to say "Eh!"í

The checkout cashier is washing off the scanner when Balki steps up.  "How are you today?" she asks absent-mindedly.  "Well, my day started out kind of rough, actually," Balki begins, "Cousin Larry wanted to go shopping but he didnít want to take me with him so we had kind of a big fight.  Then we got here and weíve had our ups and downs but . . . when you come to think of it we always have our ups and downs, if you know what Iím saying.  And then over there he let me push the cart for about five seconds which I liked quite a lot . . . and so . . . Iím happy, you know?  Iím happy.  How are you today?"  "Fine," the cashier answers.

As she runs their first item across the scanner an alarm bell suddenly sounds.  Balki is startled as a bunch of people run up to them and the cashier throws confetti over him.  "I didnít touch it!  I didnít touch it!" Balki insists.  A large man offers Balki his hand and says, "Hi, Iím Pete Devanney, the manager."  "The manager?" Balki asks in horror, "I didnít touch it, please . . . please donít call the police!"  Larry runs up to Balki, startled, "Balki . . . whatís going on?"  The cashier throws confetti at them again.  "Whatever he did, heís sorry!" Larry insists, "Balki, tell them youíre sorry!"  "I told them I was sorry but she keep throw papers at me!" Balki cries.  Larry hugs Balki reassuringly.

"Excuse me, you havenít done anything wrong," the manager assures them, "As a matter of fact, youíve been chosen by our computerized cash register to win our grand opening prize."  "A prize?" Balki asks excitedly, "We won a prize, Cousin!  A prize!"  "Fine, good," Larry sighs, "Letís just get our oven mitt or whatever weíve won and get of here."  Balki gets a shocked and serious look on his face, moving closer to the manager.  "Have we won an oven mitt?" he asks.  "No, you have won our grand prize shopping spree," the manager explains.  "Balki, did you hear that?" Larry asks excitedly.  "Well, of course I did, donít be ridiculous!" Balki assures him.  "Do you know what this means?" Larry asks.  "I have no idea!" Balki admits.  The cashier throws confetti at them again as the crowd cheers.

Act two begins with Larry sitting on the couch in the living room studying a piece of paper.  The front door opens and Balki runs in, shouting "Hi, Cousin!" as he jumps onto the couch.  "Where have you been?" Larry asks angrily, "I have been waiting for you for two hours!"  "Oh, Cousin, Iíve been telling all of our neighbors about our free shopping spree!" Balki enthuses, "Iím so excited about all the fun weíre going to have tomorrow that I donít think Iím going to be able to sleep a wink tonight.  I donít know how Iím going to do it.  Maybe Iíll just count sheep."  He stands up as he grabs Dimitri from the nearby chair and looks at him counting, "One."  Balki laughs at his own joke, exclaiming "Where do I come up with them?"

"Balki, this is no time to fool around!" Larry says seriously.  "Cousin, you know youíre right?" Balki says, coming back to sit on the couch, "This is a time to be serious.  Tomorrow is the time to fool around!"  Balki jumps back up and starts doing the Dance of Joy.  "Balki, get back here!" Larry insists, "This shopping spree is serious business.  Now, I have . . . a plan!"  "Cousin, why is it that every time we have a chance to have fun you have to have a plan?" Balki asks in frustration.  "Balki, I donít think you understand what kind of opportunity this shopping spree is."  "Oh, but I do.  Itís an opportunity for you to have a plan," Balki sighs.

"Well, excuse me for being organized!" Larry says sarcastically, "What did you think we would do tomorrow?"  "Well, you know what I thought," Balki begins, "I thought we would run around the supermarket and every time we see something we like we throw in the cart it!"  "Oh, oh!  Just run around the supermarket and throw in the cart things?  Balki, do you know what we would wind up with?  Eight hundred pounds of Ding Dongs!"  "Oh Cousin!" Balki scoffs, "That is not fair . . . and that is not true . . . and that is not right.  Because I would also like to pick up some of those cheese franks, some of those potato chips that taste like tacos . . . . "  "All right," Larry tries to interrupt.  " . . . and some after dinner mints, Ďcause as you know weíre all out!"  "All right, all right," Larry nods, "Good.  That is one way to go.  Let us call that Plan Z."  Balki smiles at this.  "Now, let us listen to my plan which we will call Plan A."  Balkiís face drops in realization.

Larry grabs Balkiís wrist and drags him over to the kitchen counter where he sets up a chalkboard with a diagram of the supermarket.  "I have made a diagram of the supermarket and labeled all the sections where we have to go," Larry explains.  Balki points to a place on the board and asks "What is gour-met section?"  "The gourmet section is where they keep the expensive foods like caviar and escargot," Larry answers.  "Oh!" Balki says knowingly, then asks, "What are they?"  "Caviar and escargot?" Larry asks, "Fish eggs and snails."  Balki makes a disgusted face.  "They are considered delicacies," Larry continues.  "Well, on Mypos theyíre considered fertilizer," Balki moans, "I donít want to eat that stuff, you can just count me out and down in Beverly Hills!"  Balki goes back to the couch to sit as Larry follows.

"Balki, you donít understand . . . we are not going to eat the food!" Larry explains.  Balkiís eyes open wide as he exclaims, "Well, silly me!  Why would I think we would eat the food?  This morning I must have got up on the wrong side of my brain!"  "If I could just finish?" Larry asks, "I stopped by Chez Robert and I talked to the chef.  Heíll buy everything we get.  Weíll sell him the food, take the money and buy this!"  Larry opens a magazine and shows Balki a page.  Balkiís eyes open wide as he gasps, "A living bra!"  Larry quickly checks the page, turns to another page and shows Balki again, "No, no . . . this!  An air conditioner!"  "Oh Cousin, we donít need an air conditioner!" Balki says.

"Balki, have you forgotten last summer?" Larry asks.  "Well, of course I havenít, donít be ridiculous!" Balki says, "It was my first summer in America!  I was drinking in the sights and sounds of a new country!  I was learning the difference between Beta and VHS."  "The weather," Larry says impatiently, "The heat . . . do you remember the heat?"  "Well, it wasnít the heat so much, it was really the humidity," Balki muses.  Larry is about to lose it altogether.  "Balki, Balki . . . the point that I am so desperately trying to make here is that we . . . . "  Larry stares ahead, having completely lost his train of thought.  "The air conditioner?" Balki offers.  "Yes!  Yes!  Yes, the air conditioner, Balki . . . look, look . . . this air conditioner could cool off the whole apartment for the summer . . . and especially your room!  Hmm?  Balki . . . "  "My room?" Balki asks with intrigue.  "Yes, think about it!" Larry urges.  "Well, maybe it wouldnít hurt to give your plan a little listen," Balki agrees.

Larry grabs Balkiís wrist again and leads him back to the board.  "Now, we will have one cart and three minutes to get as much as we can," Larry begins in coach mode, "That means weíll have to maximize our value per cubic foot of cart space.  Now, the rules say we cannot use any baggage but it says nothing about pockets, so in the event we run out of cart space we will be wearing special outfits with lots of pockets."  "Well, I had a whole outfit picked out," Balki begins.  "Well, I tell you what," Larry cuts him off, "why donít you just wear that outfit a some other shopping spree, okay?  All right, now, we will hit the meat department and go straight to the expensive cuts.  No ground beef, I repeat, no hamburger!  Then weíll swing by the produce section.  The failure of the casaba crops has pushed the price of those melons right through the roof.  Then, itís over to the gourmet section . . . you get the escargot, Iíll get the caviar.  If the price of the whitefish is still up weíll clean them out.  Any questions so far?"  Balki raises his hand.  "Balki?"  "Does Sylvester Stallone do his own stunts?" Balki asks.  "Uh, what I meant was are there any questions about the shopping spree?" Larry clarifies.  "Oh!" Balki realizes, "No, no, not a one."  "Good," Larry states, "All right, letís go back and analyze each section."  He continues to map out their plan.

At the grocery store the next day, we see Balki and Larry are wearing large overalls.  Mary Anne and Jennifer are there to cheer them on.  "Cute outfits," Mary Anne notes.  "Well, thank you," Balki smiles, "Theyíre part of Cousin Larryís plan.  You know, we can carry twice our body weight."  Larry walks up and says, "Weíre about to start."  "Mary Anne, do you need anything besides the shampoo?" Balki asks her.  "Oh, no thanks, I think Iím fine on conditioner," she answers.  "Uh, Larry?  Do you think youíll have enough time to get my nail polish?" Jennifer asks.  "Nail polish?" Larry asks with surprise.  "Cousin, I told the girls weíd get them a few things," Balki explains.  Larry looks from Balki to Jennifer with a forced smile, saying, "Super!  Uh, Balki . . . could I speak to you for just a moment?"  Larry takes Balki aside, saying to the girls, "Excuse us!"

Larry pushes Balki away, asking angrily, "What are you doing?"  "Well, I thought it would be nice to get some things for our neighbors," Balki explains.  "We canít do that!" Larry cries.  "But Mrs. Schlegelmilch needs some salami!" Balki notes.  "Balki, we only have three minutes to get everything on our list," Larry reminds him.  "But, Cousin, I promised!"  "Well, you shouldnít have!" Larry scolds, "Balki, this is going to throw the plan way off."  "Well, then we just change the plan," Balki suggests.  "Change the plan?" Larry cries, "We canít change the plan right before we start!  Why do you think they call it a plan?"

The manager of the store comes out, announcing, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please?  The contest is about to begin!  Gather Ďround, gather Ďround."  Everyone gathers at the front of the store as the manager picks up the microphone for a loudspeaker system.  "Welcome to our grand opening celebration.  Iíd like to introduce you to our shopping spree winners . . . "  He checks a paper in his pocket and pronounces Balki with a little difficulty, " . . . Mr. Balki Bartokomous . . . "  Everyone applauds and Mary Anne lets out a loud "Yay!"  " . . . and Mr. Larry Appleton."  Again applause and again Mary Anne yells, "Yay!"  "Now remember, boys," the manager continues as he sets a clock timer on the wall behind him, "You will have exactly three minutes to cross this finish line before the buzzer sounds or you lose everything.  Shoppers, take your marks."

Balki and Larry stand at the ready with their cart at the line, ready to begin.  "Cousin, you know, I donít understand why we donít have time to be nice to our neighbors," Balki wonders.  "I tell you what . . . weíll throw them a dinner party.  Stick to the plan!"  Larry insists.  "Ready?" the manager calls, "Set!  Shop!"  Balki and Larry run forward with Balki pushing the cart.  Immediately he veers off in the wrong direction, leaving Larry wondering where he went.  Larry chases around the aisle after him and finally catches up, asking, "Where are you going?"  "Well, I thought I would get Mary Anneís shampoo!" Balki explains, reaching for it.  But Larry grabs his shirt and pulls him away.  "You can get it later!  Stick to the plan!"  Larry points Balki in the right direction and they hurry to the meat section.

"Roasts!" Larry shouts.  "Three!" Balki calls.  Larry tosses three roasts behind him with Balki counting them off as he catches them and puts them into the cart.  "Ham!" Larry yells.  "Four!" Balki calls and Larry tosses them over as Balki catches and counts them.  "Turkey!" Larry cries.  "Three!" Balki calls, then gasps, "Oh God!" as Larry tosses the huge turkeys his way and Balki catches them and puts them in the cart.  "Pheasants!" Larry calls.  "Nine!" Balki answers, but just as Larry starts tossing them back Balki cries out, "Salami!" and runs to get some.  It takes Larry a moment to realize Balki is not catching the pheasants heís throwing, instead heís stuffing salami into his pants and going on about how Mrs. Schlegelmilch wanted him to pick it up for her so she could make antipasto for her son.  Larry grabs Balki and waves a salami at him, shouting, "Balki, forget the salami!  Weíve got to get to the casabas!"

"Two minutes!" the manager announces.  Larry tries to veer the cart to the produce section but Balki grabs the front of it, asking about Mary Anneís shampoo as he drags Larry around the aisles with the cart.  Larry finally gets to his feet and pushes the cart, knocking Balki off his feet and onto it as they reach the shampoo section.  Balki pushes the cart back to the shampoo and starts getting it.  "Squeeze bottle or tube?" Balki calls to Mary Anne.  Fed up, Larry knocks all of the shampoo bottles into the cart so they can continue.  "Shampoo!" he cries, "Now letís get to the gourmet section!"  As they run over Balki cries that he sees the diapers for Mrs. Falvey and leads them back around.  Larry pushes the cart as Balki jumps in and rides by the diapers, grabbing a couple of packages as they pass.

They finally reach the gourmet section where Larry cries, "Balki!  Whitefish!  $19.95 a pound!"  Larry starts throwing the large fish over his shoulder where Balki catches them and puts them into the cart.  "Looks like spawning season!" Balki notes.  When Balki realizes the cart is getting full he starts shoving the fish into his overalls instead.  "Thirty seconds!" the manager announces.  "We have thirty seconds to get the caviar!" Larry cries, pulling the cart to the end of the aisle to get it.  "But Cousin, if we donít go right now, we lose everything!" Balki insists, pulling the cart away just as Larry knocks all the caviar off the shelf where the cart was two seconds before.  "Iím not leaving without the caviar!" Larry insists.  Larry gets down on the floor to start gathering it when the manager calls out "Ten seconds!"  The crowd cries for them to get back and Balki starts pulling the heavy cart backwards.  Larry hooks his legs around the front of the cart as he holds on to the caviar in his arms and Balki manages to pull the cart and Larry back over the line before the time runs out.

That night the cousins return to their apartment, Larry holding a wad of cash.  "Balki, we did it!  $635!" Larry announces.  "Cousin, thatís enough to buy the air conditioner and the Living Bra!" Balki comments as they sit at the kitchen counter, "And we had fun, too!"  "You had fun?" Larry asks as he opens a bottle of antacid.  "Well, always Cousin . . . always!" Balki says, "Thatís why they call me the Jerry Lewis of Mypos."  Larry takes a swig of antacid and then asks, "Why is it always work for me and fun for you?"  "Well, I donít know, Cousin," Balki sighs, "Maybe because you spend so much time making plans and you donít leave enough time to have fun."  "Now thatís not true!" Larry protests.  After going back and forth on this a moment Balki says, "All right, what are you going to do now?  Youíre going to make a plan to buy an air conditioner."  "Well, that only makes sense!  Youíve got to comparison shop, youíve got to find the best deal."  "Yes, but Cousin, youíre not going to have any fun," Balki points out.  "Iíll have an air conditioner!" Larry notes.  "Yes, but youíre not going to have any fun."  "Iíll have an air conditioner."

"All right, Cousin, do you want to have fun?" Balki asks and Larry scoffs as Balki repeats the question and Larry keeps scoffing until he finally breaks down and admits, "Yes, I do."  "All right, now listen," Balki continues, "On Mypos we have a saying . . . ĎIffi yodi vy zwicki, oh po sticki picki ticki.í  Need I say more?"  "A little more might be helpful, yes," Larry notes.  "It says, ĎIf you let your hair down, you might be surprised what you find in it.í"  "You know, Balki, in your own odd way youíre right," Larry admits, "And you are going to teach me how to loosen up."  "I am?" Balki asks, "How I do that?"  "I am going to give you this money," Larry says, putting the money in Balkiís hand, "I want you to spend every last penny of it.  I donít care how you do it Ďcause I know whatever you do itíll be fun, a little bit crazy, and totally spontaneous."

"Well, Cousin, I . . . six hundred and thirty five smackaroos!" Balki smiles.  "You know, I feel terrific!" Larry glows, "I feel as if this great weight has been lifted from my shoulders!"  "Well, you know, I do, too!" Balki grins.  They laugh and then sigh together.  "Well . . . " Balki says, turning to get up.  "So, uh, Balki . . . well, whatíre ya gonna do with all that money?" Larry asks.  "Wait a minute, do you mean do I have a plan?" Balki asks.  "No, no, no . . . no, thatís not what I mean," Larry assures him, "Just that if Iím gonna learn how to be less rigid I want to know how youíre gonna do it, in a very loosely structured, you know, free kind of way."  "Well, Iíll tell you," Balki begins, walking back to the counter in a loose fashion and sitting down, "Mary Anne is going to have a birthday soon and I thought what I would do is rent one of those aeroplanes that spit smoke out of the back end and write in the sky.  And I would have it say ĎHappy Birthday, Mary Anne, from Guess Who.í  Now doesnít that sound like fun?"  Larry starts to laugh as Balki continues to ask if it doesnít sound like fun.  "Balki?  Give me the money!" Larry insists and as they struggle over the money the scene fades.


Script Variations:
Here are the differences between the First Draft dated June 8, 1987 and the episode which aired:
-
The store's grand opening is described as in the show, except there is supposed to be a sign which reads "Meet Anson Williams - 10:00 SAT."
- In the beginning Balki approaches Larry with milk, eggs, bread and a package of Ding Dongs which he's hiding (Balki also has a balloon tied to his wrist).  Balki says, "I got the bread, eggs and milk," as he puts the items into the cart.  Larry says, "Good," then looks into the cart and says, "Balki, don't put the milk on top of the bread.  It'll get crushed."  Finding the Ding Dongs, Larry asks, "What are these?"  Balki acts innocent and says, "Well, I don't know.  But as long as they're in there, why don't we keep them?"  Larry puts the Ding Dongs back on the shelf and says, "This is exactly why I don't take you shopping.  We're just here to get what's on our list and nothing else."  Balki asks, "Can I keep the balloon?"  "Yes, you can keep the balloon," Larry tells him, "You can keep anything that's free."  "Can I push the cart?" Balki asks.  "Fine," Larry sighs, "I just want to get out of here."  As Larry starts down the aisle Balki grabs the Ding Dongs off the shelf and hides them in the cart.  He bumps into the store manager, who is constructing a pyramid of canned goods.  As the manager warns him to be careful, Balki backs into the woman handing out the cheese frank samples.
- The sample lady asks Balki if he wants a cheese frank.  Balki asks, "How much are they?"  "They're free," she says.  "Oh, then I'm allowed to have one," Balki says.  He eats one of the cheese franks when Larry returns.  "Cousin, Cousin.  Look at this.  It's a hot dog frank with cheese in the middle.  What a wonderful invention."  Larry is unimpressed, saying, "Who would have thought they could improve on the old hot dog?"  (Note: when this scene was filmed it was slightly different, in that the sample lady explained that they were hot dogs with cheese in the middle, to which Balki comments, "Oh!  I bet they'd be good to step on!" and then starts loading them into the cart.)  Balki then starts taking all the packages of cheese franks.  "Don't worry, Cousin.  They're free," Balki assures Larry.  "They're not free," Larry says, "The bait is free.  Now they're reeling you in.  Get it?"  "Oh po-po," Balki sighs as they nod to each other, then Balki says, "Cousin, why are we talking about fish?"  "Balki, don't you know why the supermarket is giving you free food?" Larry asks.  "So I'll eat it?" Balki asks.  "It's a gimmick," Larry explains, "They want you to buy something you weren't planning on buying in the first place."  "Well, it worked," Balki confesses.
- After Larry agrees to teach Balki about comparison shopping Balki hugs him.  "Balki, please don't hug me in the produce section," Larry says with embarrassment.  He then starts the lesson with "Okay.  Now the first rule to remember when you're in a super market is: It's you against them."  "Like a game?" Balki asks.  "Like a war," Larry corrects, "The minute you walk through those doors, they'll do anything to get your money."  Balki looks around suspiciously then checks his back pocket.  "You're right!  My wallet is gone!" Balki cries.  "Balki, you don't have a wallet," Larry reminds him.  "Oh, that's a relief," Balki sighs, "I'm glad you're here."
- After they go through the segment of calculating the price of rice on Larry's calculator, Balki says, "Cousin, you are a genius.  No, I mean it.  It's like shopping with David Horowitz."  Larry isn't sure whether to take this as a compliment or not.
- Instead of the woman angrily confronting Larry about his taking her cart, she simply realizes her cart is missing and tells the manager her purse has been stolen.  When Balki points out the purse to Larry, Larry says, "How did this get here?  Why didn't you say something?"  "I thought it might be part of my lesson," Balki answers.  Larry takes the cart back to the woman and advises her to be a little more careful.  Larry then suggests Balki push the cart, that he can't do everything.
- The last item Balki and Larry pick up is sugar, with Balki picking it out.  He tries several times until he's chosen the huge economy size bag.  As they head for the checkout line a woman cuts them off with her cart, banging Larry's cart.  "Boy, you put people behind a shopping cart and they turn into animals," Larry sighs.
- After listening to the talking register, the cashier says, "It's quite amazing."  Balki adds, "It's also quite . . . " then tries to think of a word.  "Annoying?" Larry asks.  "That's it," Balki agrees, "Yes, annoying."  Larry then finds the Ding Dongs in their cart.  "Oh, look.  Ding Dongs in our cart," he says.  "Oh.  Cousin, you shouldn't have," Balki says, "Were you going to surprise me when we got home?"  Larry gives up and says Balki can keep them.
- The joke about Balki counting sheep is not in this early version of the script.
- Larry says he's gone back to the supermarket and made a list of the items they need and maps of where they're located, plus he's taken some polaroids for them to study.
- After Larry explains his plan of selling the food to the restaurant, Balki says, "You want to sell fertilizer to a man who owns a restaurant?"
- When describing Larry mapping out their game plan, the script describes him as "John Madden, without the spit."  Larry's speech goes, "We'll hit 'em with a two point offense.  You'll be on the cart, I'll be lead man.  You'll go long to the freezer section then cut right.  I'll go left to the paper aisle, sweep past the nut section and join up with you at the steaks and rib roasts.  I'll lateral those to you and we're off to the gourmet section.  Any questions so far?  Balki?"  Balki asks, "Why are there dog catchers but there aren't any cat catchers?"
- When Mary Anne comments on Balki's overalls he says, "They were Cousin Larry's idea.  There's room for a family of five in these pants."
- When Balki is telling Larry that he promised to get a few things for their neighbors he says, "So I asked them what they wants.  Mrs. Schlegelmilch said she needs knockwurst, Mrs. Falvey said she could always use some diapers and Dr. Zachorowitz told me to go away or he'd call the police.  I guess he doesn't need anything."
- During the shopping spree, Balki picks up more items, such as Pineapple juice for Mrs. Hunt and stewed tomatoes for Mr. Lally.  Larry urges him to hurry.  As Larry tosses steaks to Balki, Balki comments off one package that the meat looks a little fatty.  They then stock their pants with smaller meat items.
- When Balki finally gets Mary Anne's shampoo, he realizes he forgot to ask her what brand she wants.  He holds one up and asks if it's okay and she says, "Balki, that's for oily hair.  I have regular hair."  Balki holds up another bottle and asks, "This one?"  "Do they have the bigger size?" Mary Anne asks.  Then Balki asks if she wants a squeeze bottle or tube.
- When they reach the gourmet section Balki keeps asking Larry if he got the nail polish for Jennifer and that she'll be disappointed if he doesn't get it.  Larry promises he'll get it once they're done.  He hands Balki some salmon and Larry realizes they don't have enough to buy the air conditioner yet and starts taking Balki's things out of the cart.
- Instead of dragging caviar over the finish line with him, Larry drags a candy rack with him.
- At the end of the episode Larry is depressed.  There are groceries all over the kitchen.  Balki comes in and says, "Everyone was very happy to get their presents."  Larry groans.  "They told me to thank 'that nice Cousin Larry of mine,'" Balki adds.  "Those people shouldn't thank me for anything," Larry says, "Because of me they didn't get half the things they wanted."  "But it's because of you they did get half the things they wanted," Balki points out.  "I threw Mrs. Falvey's diapers out of the cart," Larry sighs.  "Well, actually they were for her baby," Balki explains.  "Balki, I'm trying to make a point here," Larry sighs.  "And what is that point?" Balki asks.  "I'm a greedy person," Larry starts, "It's a curse.  With nine kids in the family you learned to take what you could get before it was gone.  I never stopped taking."  "You're not greedy, Cousin," Balki counters, "A greedy person is greedy just for himself.  You didn't want the air conditioner for just yourself."  "I didn't?" Larry asks with surprise.  "No.  You were thinking about me, too," Balki points out.  "Yeah. I guess I was.  In a way," Larry considers.  "And without your plan I never would have gotten Mrs. Schlegelmilch's knockwurst."  "I didn't think about that," Larry admits.  "Or Mr. Lally's stewed tomatoes," Balki adds.  "Those, too," Larry agrees.  "And because of you, Mary Anne's got a lifetime supply of shampoo," Balki says.  "I didn't gt Jennifer's nail polish," Larry sighs.  "Yes, you did, Cousin.  Before I dropped off Mary Anne's shampoo I stopped at the drug store and bought Jennifer some nail polish.  She says thank you."  "Thanks, Balki," Larry offers, "I've been thinking about that air conditioner."  "I think we have enough to buy it," Balki deduces.  "Actually what I was thinking was it wasn't all that hot last summer," Larry explains, "And this new apartment had good cross-ventilation.  Maybe the mission could use the money better than we could."  "Cousin, you're a saint," Balki offers.  "Remind me of that next summer," Larry requests.

Continue on to the next episode . . .