Strangers Episode Guide
45 - Pipe Dreams
First Air Date:
March 4, 1988
Filmed on: December 22, 1987
Nielsen Rating: 14.2 HH
TV Guide Description: Larry's
in hot water for presuming that the manly way to impress Jennifer is to fix the
plumbing in her apartment by himself, rather than call a plumber.
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Bob Keyes
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Dimitri is not seen in this episode.
"Because when it comes to plumbing, you donít know Bo Diddley."
ridiculous: Not said in this episode.
used in this episode:
"Balki, Balki, Balki . . . "
"I donít know."
"Yes it is."
"Well . . . . . "
Other running jokes
used in this episode:
Larry does something really stupid to try to impress Jennifer
Larry nods knowingly at Balki, suggesting some innuendo, and Balki will nod and
play along until he admits he doesnít know what theyíre talking about
Larry asks Balki how many times heís done something with Balki finally
admitting to none, leading Larry to say, "None, as in zero, as in never
ever have you . . . . " then goes on to explain why heís more qualified
to do it his way
Balki says Larry is doing something wrong and Larry suggests Balki tell him the
right way until Balki admits he doesnít really know, but knows Larryís doing
- This episode is considered to be one of the funniest of the entire
series by fans, cast and crew alike. It includes what would prove to be
the longest laugh-getter at any filming of the show with the "when I nod my
head you hit it" scene. The audience reaction had to be cut down by
quite a bit but actually went on much longer than what is heard on the aired
- As Balki walks into the bathroom we can see the
same wallpaper pattern on the wall of the hallway that appeared so prevalently
in the episode Future Shock.
- The scene of devastation in the girlsí bathroom
was filmed the day before the audience filming because of the intricate special
effects involved. The scene was shown to the audience at the filming so
their laughs and reactions could be taped. However the final scene in
which the cast are doused on the couch was filmed in front of the studio
audience. For the complete report about the filming of this episode, see
our Filming Report.
- Balkiís comment about the Ty-D-Bol Man refers
to a series of commercials for Ty-D-Bowl toilet cleaning products, which usually
consisted of a bottle placed inside oneís toilet tank. In the commercials a
tiny man, known as the Ty-D-Bol man, would ride in a boat inside the toilet tank
as he expanded upon the virtues of the product.
- In two consecutive sentences Balki pronounces the word
"heard" in two different ways, the first time correctly as
"herd" and the second time as "heerd."
- When we see the shower head first fly off the
pipe its trajectory is hardly straight enough to realistically fly across the
room and break the mirror as it does in the next shot.
- The final scene centers around a bottle of wine
which Mary Anne brought back from Paris that they all share, but in the first
episode in which Jennifer and Mary Anne appeared, Hunks Like Us, they
said they didnít drink.
The episode begins in the cousinsí living room. Balki is vacuuming the
couch, taking off the upholstery attachment to use just the plain hose.
Larry comes out of his bedroom, dressed nicely and carrying two different ties,
one in each hand. He stops in front of Balki, holding up the ties.
"Which tie do you think goes best with this shirt?" Larry asks.
Balki thinks for a moment, then motions to the red tie in Larryís left hand as
he says, "I think this one." Unfortunately he points with the
vacuum hose and it promptly sucks the tie up. After Balki looks
embarrassed a moment, he starts to motion to the other tie, saying, "That
oneís also nice," but Larry manages to move it away from the vacuum hose
There is a knock on the door. Balki
turns off the vacuum as goes to answer it. Mary Anne and Jennifer enter,
stewardess uniforms. "Hi," Jennifer smiles, "We just got a
last minute flight assignment to Paris and we need a little favor."
"Name it," Larry says. "Could you let the plumber in
tomorrow? Heís going to put on that new shower head we bought,"
Jennifer explains. Balki starts to answer but Larry interrupts, saying in
a somewhat macho voice, "Hey . . . consider it done." Jennifer
hands Balki a piece of paper, saying, "Hereís the plumberís phone
number. Now, you have to call him to confirm a time." Larry
snatches the piece of paper from Balkiís hand (Balki sucks his finger as if
Larry has given him a paper cut with the action) and says, "Donít worry .
. . Iíll handle everything." "Well, thanks guys,"
Jennifer offers, "Weíve gotta run, thereís a cab waiting."
Larry wishes them goodbye and they leave, Balki closing the door behind them.
call the plumber," Larry says, and walks to the telephone on the kitchen
counter as Balki returns to the vacuum cleaner. "Hello, is this Pipe
Dreams Plumbing?" Larry asks into the phone, "Yes, Iím calling on
behalf of Ms. Jennifer Lyons. Uh yes, Iíd like to cancel that
appointment." Balki looks at Larry with surprise. "No,
Iím going to be doing it myself." Balkiís eyes open even wider.
"No, you canít invite all your friends over to watch," Larry
continues, hanging up the phone and sighing, "Jerk!" Balki walks
over to Larry and says, "Uh, Cousin . . . Iím sure Iím wrong but I
could have sworn that I heard you call and cancel the plumber."
"I did," Larry confirms. "I see," Balki hums,
"Well, Iím very sure Iím wrong but I could have sworn that I heard you
tell the plumber you were going to put on the shower head yourself."
"I am," Larry confirms. "I see," Balki continues,
"Well, in that case, may I invite my friends over to watch?
Because when it comes to plumbing, you donít know Bo Diddley."
this is nothing to do with plumbing," Larry says knowingly, "Jennifer
wasnít asking me to call a plumber, she was asking me to come to her
rescue." Balki looks confused, saying, "I could have sworn she
asked you to call a plumber." "Those were her words but her eyes
were saying ĎHelp me!í" Larry explains. "No, I think her
eyes were saying ĎCall a plumber!í" Balki contradicts. "Balki,
Balki, Balki . . . " Larry sighs, "Itís what women do! They
pretend to be helpless so their man can come to the rescue. When Jennifer
gets back and finds out her man has handled it Iíll be a hero and she will
want to thank me. Hmm?" Larry starts nodding knowingly at Balki,
who nods back, and they share a few knowing looks and laughs. "Are we
still talking about plumbing?" Balki finally asks.
the evening Larry is upstairs in Jennifer and Mary Anneís bathroom. He
is standing in the bathtub and trying to unscrew the shower head from the pipe
by hand with no success. He reaches into a toolbox thatís sitting on the
toilet and pulls out a wrench. He clamps this onto the pipe (way behind
the shower head) and starts trying to turn it, but it doesnít budge.
Larry pulls on it until his feet leave the ground and heís actually hanging by
the wrench from the pipe. Balki walks in and surveys the scene, finally
asking, "Cousin, can I offer you anything? A tool? A ladder?
A can of WD-40?" "Iím fine! Iím doing fine!"
steps into the bathtub and tries again. "Cousin . . . I hope youíll
accept this in the spirit in which itís given but as far as I can see you seem
to have absolutely no idea what youíre doing." "What are you
talking about?" Larry asks. "I think youíre doing it
completely wrong," Balki continues. "Oh you do?" Larry
asks. "Yes, I do," Balki agrees. Larry removes the wrench
from the pipe and confronts Balki. "Balki . . . how many showers are
there on Mypos?" "None . . . itís an island," Balki
answers. "And how many shower heads have you replaced?" Larry
asks. "Well, I . . . " "How many? How many?
How many shower heads? How many shower heads have you replaced?"
"None," Balki answers. "None, as in zero, as in never ever
have you replaced a shower head?" Larry demands. "That is
correct," Balki admits.
"I see," Larry continues,
"and yet you are telling me, someone who has been around showers for over a
quarter of a century that
I am doing it wrong?" "That is correct," Balki nods.
"Well, perhaps youíd like to tell me the right way?" Larry suggests.
"Yes, I would," Balki agrees. "Would you?"
"Yes, I would!" "Would you?" "I
would!" "What is the right way?" Larry asks. "I
donít know," Balki admits, "but I just know youíre doing it the
wrong way. Cousin, what did the directions say?"
"Directions?" Larry asks, "I threw them out. My father has
made it through his whole life without ever reading a set of directions.
He once re-wired the entire house without directions." "Isnít
that the house that burned to the ground?" Balki asks. "They
never proved it was the wiring!" Larry says defensively, "Now are you
going to be a friend or are you going to stand there and insult my family?"
Balki thinks about it then smiles teasingly, "Oh Cousin, all right.
What you want me to do?"
help me with this!" Larry asks, handing Balki the wrench as he moves to the
toolbox and pulls out a hammer. "Thatís a hammer," Balki
points out. "Very good," Larry says sarcastically. "I
donít believe Iíve ever heard the hammer referred to as the plumberís
helper," Balki adds. "It was in my house!" Larry counters.
He hands Balki the hammer and takes the wrench back, placing the wrench onto the
pipe again, then says, "Iíll hold the wrench, youíve got the hammer . .
. when I nod my head you hit it." Balki stares at Larry
incredulously. "Come again?" he asks. "When I nod my
head you hit it," Larry repeats. Balki is appalled, saying, "I
canít do that!" "Balki, donít make this complicated,"
Larry sighs, "Iíll hold the wrench, youíve got the hammer . . . when I
nod my head you hit it . . . you hit it!" Balki starts to cry,
clutching the hammer nervously. "Now do you understand?" Larry
asks. "Yes!" Balki sobs. "Ready?" Larry asks.
"Yes," Balki sobs again.
Balki steps into position and raises the
hammer, his eyes full of tears as he waits for Larryís cue. Larry nods
and Balki swings the
hammer back, aiming at Larryís head. Seeing this, Larry cries out
"WAIT!" After a moment, Larry asks, "What are you
doing?" "You said when you nod your head Iím supposed to hit
it," Balki says sadly. "The wrench! Hit the wrench!"
Larry cries, then grabs the hammer away from Balki and looks exasperated,
finally saying, "Iíll do it myself." "Good! Because
Iím emotionally drained!" Balki sighs, turning away and looking
emotional. Larry stands on the edges of the tub and proceeds to hit the
wrench with the hammer, causing the pipe to break cleanly in two. Larry
steps down and he and Balki stare at the broken pipe in the wrench.
"The pipe broke, huh?" Balki asks. "Yes, it did,"
Larry admits. Balki then reaches over and easily unscrews the shower head
from the broken pipe, much to Larryís chagrin.
Act two begins the next day with a close
up of the newly installed shower head. "You see? Balki, we did
it," Larry says in voice
over. We then see Balki and Larry standing in the bathtub, looking dirty
and disheveled while the bathroom is a complete shambles. Huge chunks of
tile have been smashed out of the walls and debris lays all around.
"All it took was good olí American ingenuity," Larry continues,
"a little dedication . . . . " "And twenty three straight
hours of hard work," Balki adds as they sit down on the edge of the tub.
He looks around worriedly, sighing, "Boy Cousin . . . this place looks like
the Ty-D-Bol Man went berserk." "You want to make an omelette,
you have to break some eggs," Larry comments, "A few cans of spackle
and youíll never know weíve been here." Balki eyes the walls
again and then gazes at Larry in wonder, remarking, "Boy, this spackle must
be amazing stuff!" "Yes, it is," Larry answers.
what do you say we button this job up?" Larry asks as he stands up,
"Jennifer and Mary Anne will be back tonight!" As they stand,
Balki finds a very long pipe with a valve on it lying on the floor.
"Cousin . . . where does this go?" Balki and Larry both look at
the shower and tub then turn back to the pipe. "Trash," Larry
finally answers. Balki tosses the pipe aside with a loud clank.
"Well, I think weíre ready to test this baby," Larry announces, and
they turn to the shower, which Larry turns on. There is the growing sound
of water building up in the pipe and then the shower head flies off the pipe
riding on a spray of water and flies across the bathroom to crash into the
mirror above the sink, shattering it and sending water shooting all over the
mirror and sink.
and Balki share a look, then Larry tries to turn off the water but both of the
faucets come off in his hands. "Itís broken!" Larry cries.
"Nooooo!" Balki says sarcastically. Larry tosses the faucets
aside and he and Balki jump into the tub and try to hold the water coming out of
the pipe back with their hands. Suddenly the faucets burst off the sink
and water spurts out of the two openings. "Well, do something!"
Larry cries to Balki. Balki runs over to the sink and sticks his fingers
into the holes to stop the water. Water then bursts out of the toilet in a
geyser. "Donít look at me!" Balki cries. "Find the
turnoff valve!" Larry cries. "I think itís underneath the
sink!" Balki calls. "Then turn it off!" Larry yells,
"Turn it off!" Balki is trying to pull his fingers out of the
faucet holes but theyíre stuck. "Cousin, I canít, my fingers are
stuck!" Balki cries, "Go on without me, Cousin, save yourself!"
Larry releases the shower pipe, which then
squirts Balki on the back as Larry hurries over to help him pull his fingers out
of the faucet holes. Having done this, Larry sits Balki down on the
toilet, which is still spraying water (much to Balkiís apparent pleasure).
Larry then moves Balki to sit on the edge of the tub as he opens the doors of
the cabinet beneath the sink and they are soaked with the cascade of water which
comes out. Larry reaches underneath and finally manages to turn off the water.
The cousins sit in the flooded bathroom, exhausted and shocked, debris floating
everywhere. "Well . . . . " Larry finally sighs.
night Balki and Larry are standing in their living room waiting for the girls to
arrive. "Cousin, what if the shower head comes off again?" Balki
asks. "Everything is fine," Larry assures him, "Believe me
. . . when Jennifer gets here and starts gushing with gratitude it will all be
worth it. To me, anyway. If youíre interested, Iíll throw a
little of the credit your way." "No, Cousin, I want you to have all
the credit," Balki insists. "Suit yourself!" Larry sighs.
There is a knock at the door. "Thatís the girls," Larry says,
"Feel free to take notes!" Larry smugly goes to answer the door.
"Hi guys!" Mary Anne says as she
walks in the door carrying a bottle, "We brought some wine from Paris!
Itís imported!" Larry takes the bottle and looks at it.
"But uh . . . this is a California wine," Larry notes.
"Well, in Paris they said it
was imported!" Mary Anne explains. "I tried to tell her,"
Jennifer says to Larry, then adds, "Larry, thanks for letting the plumber
in. That shower massage felt great after a long flight!" Larry
eyes Balki with an "I told you so!" look which Balki makes Balki have
a look of disgust as he takes the wine from him. "It wasnít the
plumber who eased those sore aching muscles, Jennifer," Larry says, "I
replaced the shower head myself." "Oh," Jennifer says, then
sighs, "Well, whatever!" and walks over to the coffee table to set the
tray of snacks down that she brought. "No need to take notes!"
Balki comments, walking to the kitchen to set the wine down.
follows Balki, saying, "The woman just got off a plane! Give her a
chance to adjust to the time zone and the girl will gush with gratitude,
guaranteed!" They walk over to the couch to join the girls.
"You know, Jennifer," Larry begins, "Felt good getting my hands
on the olí monkey wrench again. I forgot how much I enjoyed it!"
"Well, Iím happy for you Larry," Jennifer offers.
"Listen, I hope we didnít make too much of a mess up in your
bathroom," Balki says. "Well, how much of a mess can you make
changing a shower head?" Mary Anne asks. "Oh, youíd be
surprised!" Balki laughs nervously. "What Balki means is that
even the simplest of home repairs can be tough if someone doesnít know what
heís doing," Larry comments. "Take it from Cousin Larry!"
Balki laughs to himself. "Well, it must give you a real sense of
security knowing thereís a man around in case thereís a crisis," Larry
continues. "Or in case you want a crisis!" Balki laughs
under his breath.
Larry says. "Yes?" Balki answers. "Donít you think
you should pour the wine?" Larry asks. "Good idea, Cousin,"
Balki agrees, "Better me than you!" Balki gets up and walks to
then kitchen, still laughing. "You know, itís weird," Mary
Anne begins, "I could have sworn when we left our bathroom tile was green
and now itís blue." Larry fidgets with his tie as he explains,
"Well, sometimes even the simplest thing like a new shower head can change
a whole look of a bathroom." As they continue to talk we see Balki
has poured the red wine and is carrying four filled glasses to the couch when
water starts dripping from the ceiling in front of him. He starts catching
the water in one of the glasses as he tries to get Larryís attention, but
Larry ignores him, bragging about how his father once re-wired their whole
leak springs out to Balkiís left and he tries to catch that as well.
Then a third one starts closer to the couch and Balki walks over to try to catch
that one instead. "Cousin!" Balki urges. "Balki,
Iím in the middle of a story," Larry insists. Just as Larry finally
turns to look at the Balki the leak stops and all Larry sees is Balki holding a
glass of wine out. He gets up and takes it from Balki as the leak starts
again. While Larry doesnít notice, Balki uses each glass in succession
to try to catch the leak as Larry then takes the glass from him and hands it to
the girls. Larry gets his own glass and shakes his hand when he realizes
it is somehow wet. The girls and Larry toast, then Larry clinks the glass
Balki is still using the catch the leak without looking. Larry takes a sip
and comments, "Lovely rosť." "Thatís funny . . . it
wasnít rosť when I bought it!" Mary Anne says.
"Um, Cousin," Balki says,
finally getting Larryís attention, "We seem to have sprung a little
leak!" "Oh my goodness!" Jennifer
says as they all stand up. "All right, donít worry," Larry
insists, running to the fireplace to get a metal container, "No need to
panic!" "Well, shouldnít we call the landlord?" Mary Anne
asks. Larry brings the container over and sets it down under the leak to
catch the water, which eventually stops dripping. "There!
Whatever it was, it stopped," Larry smiles, "Now come on!"
He encourages everyone to sit back down on the couch, "Letís not let a
leaky roof ruin a beautiful evening. Remember, into every life a little
rain must fall." As they sit together, another leak starts in front
of them, landing in the wine glass on the coffee table. Slowly they all
look up. "Isnít our bathroom right up there?" Jennifer asks.
Balki and Larry slowly look at each other, just as the ceiling above them gives
way and a ton of water falls right on top of them, drenching all four, Balki and
Larry in particular.
time later we are back in the apartment and a wet Balki is on the phone holding
a notepad and pencil. "Well, that depends on what you plumbers call
an emergency," Balki says, "Did you see The Poseidon
Adventure?" Larry is standing with the girls at the front door,
all of them with towels around their shoulders. "Larry, I still
donít understand why you tried to fix it yourself," Jennifer sighs.
"I thought thatís what you wanted," Larry sighs. "I just
wanted you to call the plumber," Jennifer explains, "Seemed so
simple." Balki walks up to them, saying, "Cousin, the
plumberís on his way . . . he said to have your checkbook ready plus any CDs
that might have matured." "Címon, Jennifer, we better go
upstairs and wait for him," Mary Anne sighs. The girls say goodbye
Larry closes the door behind them, as
Balki walks to the couch. "Balki, why do I do this?" Larry asks,
walking across the room with his shoes squishing at every step, "Why
didnít I just call the plumber in the first place? " "Well,
Cousin, you . . . " "Or after the pipe broke? Why didnít
I realize it?" "Well, because, you know . . . . "
"Or after the toilet exploded," Larry continues, "What does
it take? What is the matter . . . what is wrong with me?"
"Well, Cousin, you know, part of the problem is you tend to ask questions
and then not wait for the answers," Balki explains. "Balki, how
did I let things go so far?" Larry asks. "Well, you know,
Cousin, you sometimes get an idea in your head and then you just wonít let it
go. You remind me of this dog I used to know on Mypos. He was always
chasing his tail and then one day he caught it and . . . spun himself to death.
It wasnít a pretty sight."
"Well, I guess I do get carried away
sometimes," Larry whines as Balki rolls his eyes, "I just thought that
if I could do it myself Jennifer would be impressed." "Cousin,
listen," Balki begins, "Jennifer likes you for what you are and you
want her to like you for what you are not." "Well, I figured if
she thought I was a macho, handy, take charge kind of guy sheíd like me even
more," Larry explains. "Cousin, listen to me," Balki urges,
"Jennifer doesnít want a macho, handy, take charge kind of guy, she wants
you!" The episode ends off Larryís startled look.
This episode marked Perfect Strangers big move to Friday night at 8:00
p.m. Since the show had helped launch a successful Wednesday night lineup
for ABC, the network hoped the show would do the same for Fridays. Not
only did this prove to be a successful move, but it would directly lead to the
creation of Thank Goodness Itís Funny, or TGIF, a two hour block of comedies
that became a staple for many television viewers through the early 1990's.
Pipe Dreams was specifically chosen to be the first episode shown at this
new day and time, since it was considered to be so good.
There are some
differences between the revised first draft script dated December 17, 1987 and
the aired episode:
Jennifer and Mary Anne first enter, Mary Anne says, "Balki, thank goodness
you're here. Jennifer and I need a favor." "Mary Anne, for
you I would lay face down on the ice and let Torvill and Dean do Bolero across
my back," Balki answers. "Is that a yes?" Mary Anne asks.
"That's a definite yes," Larry explains, "Now, what can we do for
you?" "We just got a last minute flight assignment and we need
you to let the plumber in tomorrow," Jennifer answers, "He's going to
put on a new shower head. I called him two months ago and I'm afraid to
reschedule." Larry gets all macho and says, 'Well, I'll be more than
happy to help you out little lady." "Does this mean you won't be
able to come over for dinner Sunday?" Balki asks. "Oh, no,"
Mary Anne replies, "We'll be back in plenty of time. I'm looking
forward to trying your pig snout almondine." Larry notices Jennifer's
expression and says, "We're having other things, too." Jennifer
gives Larry the plumber's phone number and Larry says he'll handle everything.
Mary Anne asks, "Balki, will you feed Bernard for me?"
"Don't you worry about Bernard," Balki assures her, "Any fish of
yours is a friend of mine."
Larry cancels the plumber Balki asks him what he knows about plumbing.
"Balki, this has nothing to do with plumbing," Larry replies.
"Well of course it doesn't. Don't be ridiculous," Balki agrees,
then asks, "What does it have to do with?" "It has to do
with men and women," Larry answers, "Jennifer wasn't asking me to call
a plumber. She was asking me to come to her rescue." "Boy,
I think I should send for a transcript of what just happened," Balki says,
"I could have sworn she asked you to call a plumber." Larry says
the line about her eyes saying "help me" and Balki responding that her
eyes were saying to "call the plumber." "Balki, Balki,
Balki," Larry sighs, "it's what women do. They pretend to be
helpless so their man can come to the rescue." "It's
funny," Balki says, "On Mypos they just ask." "Balki,
American women are different. More complicated. They like their men
strong, courageous and able to read their minds," Larry notes.
"Cousin, I hate to burst your blister but, when it comes to plumbing you
don't know babasticki." "What's to know?" Larry asks,
"You unscrew the old showerhead, you screw the new one on."
"Cousin, you have trouble changing a light bulb," Balki points out.
Larry is trying to remove the old shower head Balki enters and says, "Well,
Bernard just chowed down. How's it going in here?" "Great.
Fine. Couldn't be better," Larry assures him, strained from the
effort. "Cousin, pardon me for stating the obvious," Balki
begin. "Balki, why is it every time you state the obvious it's
criticism?" "This isn't criticism," Balki answers, "I
just think you're doing it wrong."
Larry says he threw out the directions, Balki says, "Let me guess.
This is another thing American women expect their man to do." After
talking about the Appleton house that burned to the ground, Larry says,
"All I need is a little leverage here." This is when he hangs
onto the wrench and lifts his feet out of the tub. "I hate to state
the obvious," Balki says. "Then don't," Larry suggests.
After Larry pulls out the hammer and Balki points out that he's never heard of
the hammer referred to as a plumber's helper, Larry says, "I'm going to tap
on the wrench handle with the hammer. Thus loosening the shower head.
I've seen my father use this technique a million times." After Larry
breaks the pipe with the hammer, Balki says, "I hate to state the obvious .
. . " "Balki, never state the obvious to a man with a
hammer," Larry points out. "Point well taken," Balki
agrees. (Note that the entire sequence with the "when I nod my head,
you hit it" is not in this early version)
Larry says the spare piece of pipe is trash he adds, "They always give you
spare parts." After Larry turns on the shower and the shower head
shoots across the room Balki notes, "Water pressure seems to be fine."
After the bathroom is a complete disaster and they are sitting in the flooded
room, Larry says, "Well." Balki adds, "You make one heck of
next scene finds the Cousins preparing for their romantic dinner with Jennifer
and Mary Anne. "Hurry up, Balki," Larry calls, "the girls
will be here any minute." Balki comes out of his room, buttoning his
shirt. "Sorry, Cousin. It took a while to get the spackle out
from under my fingernails." "Look at the bright side: Now you
know how to tile a bathroom," Larry offers. Larry then talks about
Jennifer will gush with gratitude. Balki worriedly asks, "Cousin,
what if the shower head falls off again?" "Balki, they've been
home for an hour," Larry points out, "If something was wrong they
would have called us." Balki gets a look of realization and asks,
"What if they're dead?" "Will you stop?" Larry asks,
"Everything is fine. Listen, I know just what's going to happen.
Jennifer will ask how much the plumber cost. I'll say 'Nothing. I
did it myself.' Then she'll start thanking me . . . in her own personal
the girls come in, Jennifer says, "Sorry we're late. It took forever
to pick out the wine." Mary Anne hands Balki a bottle of wine and
Jennifer explains, "She picks wine by the prettiest label."
Balki says "No need to take notes" he adds, "I can remember
that." After Larry suggests Balki go open the wine Balki reaches over
and screws the cap off with one motion. "Why don't you go pour the
wine . . . in the glasses . . . in the kitchen," Larry suggests.
"Of course, Cousin," Balki agrees, "but call me when the
gratitude starts gushing."
Larry says something as simple as a shower head can change the whole look of a
bathroom, Mary Anne says, "That's what it is. The new showerhead must
make our green tile look blue." Larry covers this (the script
direction says "Phumphering") by saying, "Actually, your tile was
always blue, it just had this . . . greenish film that Balki and I cleaned
off." "Well, it looks great," Jennifer says, then adds,
"Of course, now I have to buy new towels."
the dripping starts and Jennifer asks if they should call the landlord Larry
says, "First thing in the morning." After Larry says "Into
each life, a little rain must fall," Balki notes, "Cousin,
observation: It's not raining outside and that's not the roof up there, it's
Jennifer and Mary Anne's apartment." "Oh, that's right,"
Mary Anne agrees, pointing as she says, "The kitchen's over there, my
bedroom's over there and . . . (pointing straight above them) . . . our
bathroom's right up there." The ceiling collapses, dumping tons of
water on Larry and Balki. Balki asks, "Is this the gushing we've been
waiting for?" Larry shoots him a look.
the last scene when Jennifer says she doesn't understand why Larry didn't just
call a plumber, he says, "I'm sorry, Jennifer. I should have but I
thought you'd like me more if I did it myself." "I think it's
sweet you tried to impress me but I'm incredibly annoyed that you destroyed my
bathroom," Jennifer says with mixed emotions. Balki tells Larry the
plumber is on his way and to have his checkbook ready. Mary Anne says,
"I think we've cleaned up the worst of this. I don't know what you're
going to do with the couch, Larry. It's still soaking wet."
Larry tries to lighten the mood by saying, "Well, I've always wanted a
water bed." He gives a pathetic laugh and Jennifer and Mary Anne just
look at him. "I'm sure in a couple of months it'll be very
funny," Jennifer speculates. When the girls leave Mary Anne thanks
them for an interesting evening.
the girls are gone, Larry asks, "Balki, how could I do all this just so
someone who already likes me will like me?" "You know,
Cousin," Balki notes, "you could have stopped at any time and called a
plumber." "Who would have thought changing a showerhead would be
so complicated?" Larry asks. Balki then tells the story about the dog
who spun himself to death. "Well, from now on, I'm never going to say
I can do something when I can't," Larry says. "Cousin, give me a
line of credit," Balki sighs, "You always say that." Larry
worriedly says, "Maybe I can't change. Maybe the problem's in my
genes." "No, Cousin, you dress as well as the next person,"
Balki explains, "I think you inherited your problem from your father."
on to the next episode . . .