Strangers Episode Guide
47 - My Brother, Myself
First Air Date:
March 18, 1988
Nielsen Rating: 12.4 HH
TV Guide Description: To
impress his cosmopolitan brother, Larry tells lie upon lie about being a
successful newspaper editor, dragging Balki into the scheme as well.
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: John B. Collins
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Belita Moreno: Miss Lydia Markham
Jo Marie Payton-France: Harriette Winslow
Special Guest Star:
Ted McGinley: Billy Appleton
Appearances: Dimitri can barely be seen sitting on the bookcase in the
background during the breakfast scene. Later in the episode itís clear
heís sitting there with a long pointy nose on (to indicate lying as in
"You read my mind! You must have PMS!"
"They treat this man as if he were Prince Valium!"
"Listen, you donít want to eat on an empty stomach."
ridiculous: Not said in this episode.
used in this episode:
"Get out of the city!"
"Well . . . I gotta go."
"What was the question?"
"Question . . . "
"Go on with you!"
" . . . you really stepped in something good."
Other running jokes
used in this episode:
Alliteration, especially using the letter ĎBí
Balki cries to get something he wants
Balki laughs at his own joke
- Larryís brother Billy had been mentioned repeatedly throughout the
run of Perfect Strangers so far, so loyal viewers were already aware of the
intense rivalry between Larry and his brother. Billy had been represented
as being a terrific athlete, winning countless awards while Larry had none.
Billy was the second (and last) Appleton sibling to appear on the show (the
first being Larryís sister, Elaine, near the end of season two).
- Harriette makes mention of her husband and the
look he gets when she says her mother is coming to dinner. It was Carlís
mother who moved in with the family in the pilot episode of Family Matters,
so Carl apparently didnít get along with either mother!
- This episode is notable because of the coining of
the phrase "Appletonís Snow Job." Although this was actually
just a figment of Larryís imagination, a ruse in which to get Balki to help
him lie to his Cousin Billy, the term was so perfect fans continued to use it
for all of Larryís crazy plans and schemes, even though the term never came up
again in any other episode.
- In the apartment at breakfast time we can see a
Raisin Puffs box sitting on the counter.
- Balki and Larry infiltrate Mr. Burnsí office to
pull off the illusion of Larry being the Chronicleís city editor, going so far
as to take Mr. Burnsí photo from the wall. Oddly enough, Mr. Burns would
never again appear in the show and this reference to him was one of the last.
- The photos used for Mr. Burns, Larry and Jennifer
during the city editor charade were all black and white publicity stills for
Eugene Roche, Mark Linn-Baker and Melanie Wilson.
Guest starring as Larryís brother Billy in this episode is veteran
television actor Ted McGinley, who has the unfair reputation of being the
"jump the shark" king (heís actually the patron saint at www.jumptheshark.com)
due to the fact he was brought in as a new or replacement character on some
series which were then cancelled. The most famous of these would be his
casting during the final run of Happy Days. He also was cast as a
recurring character in the evening soap opera Dynasty. But Tedís
long-lasting career cannot be dismissed so easily. These days fans may
know him best from his long-running stint on the popular Fox series Married
with Children. Heís also appeared in the popular series Sports
Night, The West Wing, and even more recently was a regular on the series Hope
- A blooper from this episode in which Mark fumbles on the B
alliterations can be seen on our YouTube
Channel, along with other bloopers from the series!
episode begins in the basement of the Chicago Chronicle. Balki is at a
back table in the mailroom, talking on the phone. "Okay, Cousin
Billy. Nice talking to you. I tell Cousin Larry youíre coming . .
. heís going to be so happy to see his brother! Yes. Huh? Oh
. . . ciao to you too, guy!" Balki hangs up and walks over to his
worktable where Lydia is looking at a letter. "Lydia, youíll never
guess who just called!" "Larryís brother, Billy?" Lydia
asks, having overheard Balki on the phone. "Get out of the
city!" Balki gasps, "You read my mind! You must have PMS!"
Lydia looks duly embarrassed.
The elevator door opens and Larry steps
out, thanking Harriette who walks out behind him. "Cousin, the most
wonderful news!" Balki exclaims, running over to Larryís desk with a wire
basket, "Youíre brother Billy called!" "Billy?"
Larry asks, looking less than enthusiastic, "My brother? My brother
Billy called?" "Cousin Billy just called and he said that
tomorrow heís jetting in from Paris and heíll only be in town for a couple
of hours but he was hoping that he could do lunch, and Iíve never done lunch
before so . . . he made it sound so easy I said yes," Balki explains,
"Cousin, Iím going to meet another
Appleton! Letís savor this moment." Balki pauses a moment
then says, "Well . . . I gotta go." Balki takes the wire basket
and exits the basement.
Harriette and Lydia both approach Larry.
"Thatís the same look my husband gets when I tell him my motherís cominí
to dinner," Harriette notes. "Let me guess," Lydia tries,
"Your brotherís a deadbeat, right? He only shows up to borrow
money?" "Worse," Larry sighs, "Billyís . . .
successful." "Oh, I hate that!" Lydia cries with a sneer.
"He owns his own company, jets around the world, has a villa in Monte
Carlo," Larry continues, "Heís Mr. Perfect. And he never lets
me forget it." "Oh, whatís the big deal, Larry?" Lydia
asks, "You go to lunch, you listen to him brag . . . stick him with the
check!" "Well, he might expect me to pay," Larry
sighs, "See, I got tired of Billyís bragging so I did a little bragging
of my own." "About what?" Harriette asks. "Well,
about a lot of things," Larry answers, "About how much money I make,
about what kind of car I drive . . . "
you exaggerated a little bit," Lydia says. "Well, the most
recent thing I told him was that Iím city editor of the Chronicle," Larry
admits. "Oh, what a tangled web we weave!" Lydia sighs, "I
think when Billy gets here heíll figure out you are not the city editor."
"When Billy finds out the truth heís going to torture me for the rest of
my life," Larry sighs. "Well, what goes around comes
around," Harriette comments. "Well, it hasnít come around
yet," Larry says hopefully, "I mean I fooled him for two years, surely
I can fool him for two hours! Iíll get Balki to back me up!
Weíll just run a bit of bogus braggadocio by brother Bill and by the time
Billy gets back on that Boeing heíll believe Iím Ben Bradley!"
"Youíre babbliní, baby!" Harriette scolds. "Donít
break out the bubbly just yet, Lar," Lydia warns, "Balkiís not going
to go along with this. He is the most honest person in the world!"
Larry looks from Harriette to Lydia, looking concerned.
cut to the apartment the next morning where Larryís expression is now one of
thinking and scheming; he is sitting at the kitchen table with Balki, holding a
coffee cup as Balki reads a comic book over the remains of breakfast. We
can see the wheels turning in Larryís head and finally he decides upon a
course of action, giving Balki that devious look out of the corner of his eye.
Working his way into it, Larry starts to laugh loudly. Balki eyes him
curiously, laughing himself, then asks, "Whatís so funny?"
"I was just thinking of the last time I saw Billy," Larry begins,
"He really got me good playing Appletonís Snow Job."
"Appletonís Snow Job?" Balki asks. "Yeah."
"What that?" "Oh, thatís a game we play in my
family," Larry explains, "You make up the biggest story you can think
of and you try to make your brother believe it! And today Billy and I are
going to play. Billy and I are going to have such fun!"
"Oh!" Balki says, intrigued,
"Cousin, do you suppose that I could play, too?" "Oh, Balki,
I donít know," Larry sighs, "itís hard to play with more than two
players." "Oh please!" Balki asks, "I want to play
Appletonís Snow Job!" Larry keeps saying no and Balki
keeps asking until Balki finally breaks down into tears, begging to play.
"Oh . . . what the heck? Youíre in!" Larry announces.
Balki gets up and hugs Larry then kneels down next to him, saying, "Cousin,
Iím going to play Appletonís Snow Job! How do we play?"
"First we have to make up a story," Larry explains. They both
take on a thoughtful expression, resting their elbows on the table. Just
as Balki starts to say something Larry interrupts. "Oh, I know!
What if I tell him I write a sports column?" Balki looks excited but
Larry nixes the idea, saying, "No." Again they think and just as
Balkiís about the speak again Larry jumps in with, "Ooh, I know!
What if I tell him I run the advertising department? No." They
think again, again Balki is about to speak and Larry claps his hands together
and says, "Iíve got it! Iíll tell Billy Iím city editor of the
Chronicle!" "No . . . little over the top," Balki says,
"I know where youíre going with that . . . . " Trying to
maintain control, Larry says, "Balki, Balki . . . city editor is worth
fifty points!" "It is?" Balki asks in amazement, "Wowww!
You really are good at this game!" "When it come to snow job,
Iím better than you know," Larry assures him.
"But how are we gonna pull this off?
Oooh . . . . " Larry thinks, "I mean, Billyís coming to the paper
for lunch right from the airport
and we canít exactly ask Mr. Burns to leave his office." He waits
for Balki to come up with the solution. "We donít have to, Cousin,
because Mr. Burns goes to lunch every day exactly at one oíclock!"
"By golly, youíre right!" Larry gasps, "I hadnít thought of
that! What would convince Billy Iím city editor? What if I brought
in a few personal things just to make the office look like mine?"
Larry looks over his shoulder at the counter where heís already got some items
laid out (including his baseball trophy, a photo of Jennifer, and a nameplate)
and cries, "Oh, look!" He gets up and goes to the counter with
Balki following. "Well, this stuff would be perfect!"
Larry opens his briefcase, which just happens to be sitting on a stool below the
counter, and pushes everything inside with one sweep of his hand. "Wwowwww!"
Balki gasps again, "You are one snow job master!"
afternoon at The Chronicle, Larry and Balki rush into Mr. Burnsí office.
"Come on, Balki, Billyís on his way up," Larry urges as he carries
his stuff into the room. Larry starts arranging his items on the desk and
says, "Balki, get the picture on the wall!" Balki heads for an
art print behind them but Larry cries, "Not that picture!" and points
to the other side of the room where a photograph of Mr. Burns is hanging.
Balki takes it down and Larry replaces it with a photo of himself instead.
"Cousin, wouldnít it have been easier just to let Mr. Burns in on the
game?" Balki asks. "You canít play with four," Larry
insists, "The teams would be uneven." Harriette appears at the
doorway, warning them, "Psst! Heís coming down the hall!"
"Well, stall him a minute!" Larry asks. "Wait a
minute," Balki says, "I thought you said you couldnít play with
four." "Well, sheís not playing sheís . . . an
alternate," Larry explains. Larry replaces Mr. Burnsí nameplate
with his own and sits in the chair at the desk.
Harriette opens the door and sees in
Billy, saying, "Mr. Appleton to see you, Mr. Appleton." Billy is
a taller, blonde good-looking
man in a nice suit. Larry gets up to greet Billy, saying,
"Billy!" "Larry!" Billy calls! They stand for a
moment as if they might hug, then settle for a handshake. Harriette leans
close to Larry and says, "I hope you got the brains!" She eyes
Billy and hums to herself in a "Heís fine!" kind of way before
exiting. Billy closes the door behind her and says to Larry, "Ah, you
look good! Put on a little weight." "Well, successíll do
that!" Larry counters. "Yeah, donít I know?" Billy adds,
patting his own stomach. Balki stands looking at them from the other side
of the room. Billy spots him and says, "You must be Balki!"
Balki hurries across the room and hugs Billy tightly, saying, "Cousin
Billy! Iím so glad to meet you! You know, if thereís anything at
all that you need . . . socks, deodorant, toenail clipper . . . donít hesitate
to say the word because any brother of Cousin Larryís is a cousin of
mine!" Billy pats Balkiís shoulder and smiles, saying,
come on in! Sit down!" Larry invites Billy, who sits on the edge of
the desk as Larry sits behind it and Balki takes a chair in front, "So, uh
. . . Billy! What do you think of my office?" "Itís
nice!" Billy offers, "Itís almost as big as my office in
London." "You think this is big?" Balki says, "You
should see Cousin Larryís other office! Itís as big as a
basement!" "You have two offices?" Billy asks, impressed.
"Well, they treat me pretty while," Larry smiles. "Pretty
well?" Balki asks, "Pretty well? They treat this man as if he
were Prince Valium! After all, he is the youngest publisher in
Chicago!" "Balki . . . " Larry says in warning, realizing
Balki is going too far with the bragging. "I thought you were city
editor," Billy notes. "Well, I am . . . " Larry starts,
trying to think how to explain this. "Oh Cousin, I didnít tell
you!" Balki interrupts, "While you were having breakfast with Ted
Koppel, you got a promotion!" "But I havenít accepted
yet," Larry is quick to add.
picks up the picture of Jennifer from Larryís desk and asks, "Wow, who is
this? Donít tell me this is the lady in your life!"
"Lady in his life?" Balki asks in exaggeration, "Lady in his
life? Lady in his life??? Ha! What was the
question?" "Who is this?" Billy asks again. "Oh,
thatís Jennifer," Balki answers, "She just happens to be Cousin
Larryís fiancee and a former Miss Costa Rica." Billy studies the
picture as Balki laughs to himself, enjoying the game. "Listen, uh .
. . weíre gonna be late," Larry comments, walking to the door, "Um,
my carís in the shop so weíre gonna have to take a cab."
"Okay," Billy says, following Larry. "Oh Cousin, why
donít we just hop in your helicopter?" Balki asks, getting up.
"Helicopter?" Billy asks. "Oh well, we canít use it,
itís just a two-seater," Larry explains. Billy walks out the door
and Balki follows behind him as Larry holds the door open, swatting Balki on the
back of the head as he exits and giving him a look of reproach as they exit the
two begins as Larry and Balki return to the Chronicleís basement, Balki
laughing as they enter. "Cousin, what a great game! You should
really call Parker Brothers and ask them if they want to make a home version of
Appletonís Snow Job." "Balki . . . " Larry tries to
begin, looking serious. "Did you see Cousin Billyís face when I
told him that NASA wants you to be the first journalist on the moon?" Balki
laughs. "Balki . . . . " "Cousin, question . . . if
Cousin Billy is on his way to the airport, when are you going to tell him that
we fooled him so that we can all have the laugh riot of our lives?" Balki
continues to laugh, as Larry looks more concerned. "Balki . . .
Iíve got to tell you the truth." "What?"
"Thereís no such game as Appletonís Snow Job, I made it all up."
Balki laughs even harder. "Go
on with you, your crazy son of a goat you! Itís got to be a game
otherwise what is it? Itís just a big pack of lies!"
"Well, I wouldnít call it a big pack of lies," Larry tries.
Balki looks shocked. "You lied to me!" he gasps, "You lied
Cousin Billy! You made me lie to Cousin Billy!"
Thinking, Balki adds, "Have I left anything out?" "Balki,
Iím sorry," Larry offers, "I shouldnít have dragged you into this.
Itís just I couldnít let Billy know Iím not as successful as he is."
"Well, Cousin, you just got to tell Cousin Billy the truth," Balki
insists. "And I will!" Larry assures him. "You
will?" "I will!" "You will?" "I
will!" "When?" Balki asks. "The very next time I
see him!" Larry answers. "Well, I should hope so!" Balki
says. "Unfortunately, that could be two or three years," Larry
points out, "Until then Iíll just have to bear the burden of my
guilt." Larry looks not very sincerely guilty as the phone rings and
he picks it up. "Appleton! What?? No, thatís wonderful
news! Yeah, sure! Yeah. Bye bye!" Larry hangs up
the phone, looking worried. "Who was that?" Balki asks.
"Billy," Larry answers, "His flight got cancelled. Heís
gonna spend the night with us." "Lucky break, huh?" Balki
evening at the apartment, Balki opens the door and looks inside.
"Well?" he asks, seeing Larry and stepping inside, "Did you tell
Cousin Billy the truth?" "I told Billy everything he needs to
know and more," Larry assures Balki. "Oh Cousin," Balki
sighs, "Iím so proud of you. Donít you feel good?"
"Never felt better," Larry smiles, "In fact, Billy and I are
going to go out to dinner, you know, tell some more . . . truth. So, why
donít you go up to Jennifer and Mary Anneís? I think they have some
fresh popcorn!" Larry tries to hurry Balki out of the apartment when
Billy comes out of Larryís bedroom, asking, "Larry, does Balki have a
lint brush? Oh hi, Balki!" "Hi, Cousin Billy," Balki
offers. "Hey, this is a nice little place you have here," Billy
says, "Do you have a lint brush?" "Uh yes," Balki
thinks, "In my lint drawer." "Ah . . . I didnít know, I
should have looked there first," Billy says, then adds, "Listen, I
just want to let you know how much I appreciate you putting us up while
Larryís getting his townhouse remodeled. Thanks!" Billy slaps
Balkiís arm and walks back into Larryís bedroom.
turns to Larry in shock. "Well, you big fat liar," Balki scolds,
"You didnít tell him the truth! You let me walk around the block in
the cold, freezing my buttocks off for an hour, so that you could tell him about
your alleged townhouse? What? Is your conscience broken? If
Jiminy Cricket were here heíd puke in his hat!" "Balki, try to
understand! For the first time Billy is treating me with respect!"
Larry points out. "Oh!" Balki sneers, making a spitting motion,
"Iím gonna go tell Cousin Billy the truth!" Balki starts for
the bedroom but Larry grabs his shoulders and pulls him back saying, "You
canít!" "Why not?" Balki asks. "This is
between two brothers and lies between brothers are sacred!" Larry tries.
"Cousin, would you listen to yourself?" Balki asks, "Why are you
so afraid to tell Cousin Billy the truth? Heís just like you! He
put his pants on one leg at a time!" Billy walks out of the bedroom
wearing a tuxedo and looking sharp. "Just that he does it so much
more effectively," Balki adds.
I hope Iím not overdressed," Billy comments. Balki and Larry look
down at the casual clothes theyíre wearing. "Oh darn, I left my
tuxedo at the townhouse," Larry sighs, "But uh . . . no problem.
Weíll just go someplace thatís tuxedo optional. Bye, Balki!"
"Wait wait wait, Cousin, Cousin, Cousin," Balki stops them,
"Whatís the hurry? Listen, you donít want to eat on an empty
stomach. Come and sit down, letís have a nice little talk."
He leads them over to the couch and sits between them. "You know, on
Mypos we have a ritual. When two brothers have not seen each other for a
long time they have to sit and listen to the story of The Brothers Zakibatbat."
Balki begins his story, directing it mostly at Larry. "Long, long ago
on an island far, far away there lived the Brothers Zakibatbat; Mooki and
Gringki. And when they were little boys they loved each other. And
then they grew up and Mooki had everything that a man could want. He had a
fine farm, and wonderful family and friends that were super. But Mooki was
sulky because his brother Gringki had a bigger farm and a more wonderful family
and friends that were just a little more super." "Well, that
story made me hungry!" Larry interrupts, "Letís go eat!"
Billy agrees and they both start to get up, but Balki continues, undaunted,
until they both sit back down. "Envy ate at Mookiís heart. It
gnawed and burrowed like an aphid in a rosebud.
"Mooki decided that he would try to
appear to be better than Gringki by lying. If Gringki had a ram, Mooki
said he had two rams. If Gringki had a fine horse, Mooki said he had a
BMW. This went on for years. Mooki piled lie upon lie and the ditch
between them grew wider and wider. One day, Mooki looked up and he was old
and lonely. And he looked into his heart and he realized that what he
wanted most in the world was a brother to love. And he told to himself,
ĎI will tell Gringki the truth and then we can love each other again.í
So he began the long journey to Gringkiís house and it was difficult for an
old man but he didnít know this because the thought of holding Gringki in his
arms again carried him forward. When he got to
Gringkiís house . . . it was too late. Gringki had died. And Mooki
realized that a man who lives with lies lives alone."
Moved nearly to tears, Larry finally says,
"Billy . . . . " "I canít take it any more!" Billy
cries, burying his face in his hands, much to Balki and Larryís surprise,
"I donít want to end up like Mooki!" "Billy?" Larry
asks. "Itís lies! Itís all lies!" Billy admits,
"I donít own a company, I donít even have a jet. Itís a rented
tuxedo. Cufflinks are mine." "Very nice," Balki
notes, "Understated . . . " "But, all the fancy addresses .
. . Monte Carlo, Rio, Palm Beach!" Larry states. "Iím a travel
agent," Billy admits, "I get deals." "You . . . you
mean youíve lied to me all these years?" Larry gasps. "I know
it was wrong, Iím sorry," Billy offers. "Oh, donít feel bad
Cousin Billy," Balki offers, then looks at Larry and adds, "Please.
I think Cousin Larry has something to say to you. Donít you, Cousin
Larry?" "Yes, of course I do," Larry agrees, "Billy .
. . Billy . . . I forgive you." "Thank you, thank you,"
Billy says sincerely.
Balki gives Larry a look of disbelief,
wiping the grin off Larryís face. "Cousin . . . donít you have a
little bit more you want to say to Cousin Billy?" "Billy,
look," Larry says, "thereís nothing to forgive or be ashamed of.
Iíve been doing the same thing." "Youíre a travel
agent?" Billy asks. "No, no!" Larry says, "I mean
Iíve lied! Iím not the city editor at the paper, I donít own a
townhouse. Jennifer and I arenít engaged. But she does like
me!" "Larry, why would you lie to me?" Billy asks.
"Are you kidding?" Larry asks, "All my life Iíve had to live up
to you. Billy, the great athlete . . . Billy, the most popular guy at
school . . . I got tired of mom and dad always saying ĎWhy canít you be more
like your brother Billy?í" "Well, how do you think I liked it
when they kept saying ĎWhy canít you be more like your brother Larry?
Look how good his grades are . . . look how neat he keeps his room . . . look
how well he irons.í" "Gosh," Larry sighs, "All this
time weíve been resenting each other when we should have been
resenting mom and dad!"
"Look, Larry, letís just start all
over again, all right?" Billy suggests, "Letís stop all this lying
and be good brothers." "Iíd like that," Larry nods.
"Me, too," Billy agrees. They reach to shake hands with each
other then stop, stand up and hug instead. After a lengthy embrace they
part to see that Balki is now crying. They sit down to comfort him as
Balki sobs, "That was beautiful! You know, I think someday you both
are going to look back on this and realize that this was the moment you really
became brothers. That this was the moment you really stepped in something
There are some
differences between the second draft script dated December 4, 1987 and the aired
Balki is telling Larry about Brother Billy coming he just says, "Cousin
Billy's flying in from Paris. He said he will only be in town for a couple
of hours, but he thinks he can squeeze us in for lunch. What a brother.
I can't wait to meet him." After Larry explains to Lydia and
Harriette that his brother is successful, Lydia does not say, "Oh, I hate
that!" After Larry tells them that he's done a little bragging of his
own about being city editor of the Chronicle, Harriette comments, "Whoa,
baby. You say bragging but you mean lying." Lydia points
out that Billy will guess Larry isn't city editor and Larry says, "I know
that. But I think I can fake my brother out for a couple of hours."
(The B alliterations are not in this version). Lydia replies, "Maybe
you can but what about Balki? He's the most honest person in the free
world. When he says the check is in the mail, the check is in the
mail." "Come on," Larry says, "We're not talking about
Abe Lincoln here." Balki enters and asks "Did anybody lose this
dime?" Harriette and Lydia give Larry looks of concern.
this script, Balki doesn't have to cry before Larry agrees to let him play
Appleton Snowjob. "Oh, thank you, Cousin," Balki smiles,
"This is going to be so much fun to play 'Appleton Snowjob.'" He
looks worried and asks, "What if it doesn't snow?" After Balki
points out that Mr. Burns always goes to lunch at exactly one o'clock, Larry
says, "By golly, you're right. I didn't think of that. Then
when Billy comes by, his office will be empty." "But it won't
really be empty, will it?" Balki asks, "It will be occupied by 'Larry
Appleton, City Editor.'" Larry looks at Balki and says, "Balki,
you've played this game before." "No, but I'm a fast
learner," Balki says modestly. "You know what will make it more
convincing?" Larry asks. "If you dressed like Mr. Burns?"
Balki asks. Larry then points out the stuff on the counter and sweeps them
into his briefcase. "Wow," Balki gasps, "Cousin, if I
didn't know better, I'd think you had this all planned." "I'm
just quick," Larry explains, "If you want to learn to play 'Snowjob'
just do what I do." Larry exits with Balki following and doing
exactly what Larry does.
they arrive at Mr. Burns office, Mr. Burns is looking at his fish tank.
"Get him," Mr. Burns urges his fish, "Get him. He's hiding
in that little castle." Mr. Burns thumps the glass with his fingers
and says, "There he goes. He's in the open." Larry, who is
carrying his briefcase, opens the door and enters with Balki behind him.
"Mr. Burns," Larry says with surprise, "What are you doing
here?" "Feeding my fish," Mr. Burns answers, "How long
have you been here?" "We just got here," Larry informs him.
"Good," Mr. Burns sighs, "In that case, get out."
"I notice you haven't left for lunch yet," Larry says.
"Nothing gets by you, does it, Appleton?" Mr. Burns notes, getting up,
"I'm having lunch with my wife. She's always late." Balki
says quietly to Larry, "Oh, there goes fifty points out the window."
"That's what you think," Larry says to Balki, then tells Mr. Burns,
"I saw Mrs. Burns downstairs. She was nibbling on a rice cake and
looked none to happy about it." "I'm a dead man," Mr. Burns
gasps and leaves his office. Larry then spreads his personal effects
around. The scene plays out the same as in the show except for the end
after Balki, Larry and Billy leave. Mr. Burns enters through the other
door and goes to his desk to pick up his keys. He sees the picture of
Jennifer on his desk, looks around and then slips it into his desk drawer.
they leave Billy, Balki is laughing about what a great game "Appleton
Snowjob" is and asks, "Do you think I went too far when I said
Michigan Avenue is being renamed Appleton Way?" "No, I think you
went too far when you told Billy I was going to be the first journalist in
space," Larry answers. When Balki realizes Larry has made him lie he
says, "You made me lie to Cousin Billy. I've never met him before and
the first thing I do is lie to him?" After Billy calls and Larry
tells Balki that Billy's flight has been cancelled and he'll be spending the
night, Balki says, "Cousin, this is your lucky day. You won't have to
wait two or three years after all. Instead of going home with you I'll
stop and pick up some crackers and cheese whiz and that will give you a chance
to be alone with Billy and tell him you're a big fat liar." "Ah.
Crackers, cheese whiz and humiliation," Larry sighs, "A perfect
evening." "Don't mention it," Balki replies.
the apartment, Larry is drinking antacid when there is a knock at the front
door. As Larry goes to answer it, Billy sticks his head out of Larry's
bedroom door. "Does Balki have any shoe trees?" Billy asks.
"No, he doesn't," Larry answers. "Damn," Billy swears
and goes back into the bedroom. Larry opens the door and Jennifer is
there, dressed casually. "Jennifer, what are you doing here?"
Larry asks. "You invited me," Jennifer reminds him, " You
said come over Thursday night. We'll rent a movie and have some
popcorn." "Oh, you thought I meant this Thursday," Larry
fibs, "I meant next Thursday. Mistake. See ya."
Before Larry can close the door, Billy comes out of the bedroom.
"Hey, Larry, does Balki have any pants hangers?" Billy asks.
"Closet," Larry answers quickly, "Right side. Top
shelf." But Billy sees Jennifer and says, "Oh, hi."
Jennifer sees Billy and is awestruck. "Hi," Jennifer says.
"Jennifer, this is my brother, Billy," Larry says. Remembering
that Balki had said Jennifer was Miss Costa Rica, Billy asks "Como esta
usted?" "Your brother's Spanish?" Jennifer asks.
"Well, Jennifer, hasta luego. Vaya con Dios and . . . tostada grande,"
Larry says quickly, closing the door. "Bye," Jennifer manages to
say before Larry gets it shut. "She's a little nervous," Larry
explains, "She's not used to being out without a chaperone. You know
the Costa Ricans." "She's beautiful," Billy comments,
"You're doing okay." Billy heads back to the bedroom.
"Hey, if I'd have known you were going to be in town, I could have gotten
you a date with one of my old girlfriends." This is when Balki
Billy thanks Balki for letting him stay with him while Larry's townhouse is
being remodeled, Larry says, "Well, I can always count on Balki. How
about I take us all out to a really fancy dinner? I mean you're only going
to be here one night. Let's do it right." Billy says,
"Great. I'll change," and goes back to the bedroom.
Instead of saying the Jiminy Cricket line, Balki says, "Cousin, you didn't
tell him the truth. You didn't even tell me the truth when you told me
you'd tell him the truth. If this was 60 Minutes, you'd be sweating
bullets." After Billy comes out in the tuxedo and says he hopes he's
not overdressed he adds, "This is standard dinner attire in Monte
Carlo." To stop them, Balki says, "Wait, wait. What's the
hurry? I have crackers. I have cheese whiz. But before the
snacks . . . " This is when Balki tells them that on Mypos it's a
ritual for brothers who haven't seen each other in a long time to do the story
of the Brothers Kazanzakis (not Zakibatbat). Larry says, "But we're
not on Mypos, so let's go." Balki moves Larry and Billy to the couch,
saying, "Of course I could tell the story of a little boy with no upper lip
at all who got caught telling whoppers," Balki threatens. "Well,
I guess we do have time for one Mypos story," Larry gives in. The
brothers first names are Philos and Nikos.
Billy and Larry have confessed they've been lying, Larry says, "Jennifer
and I are not engaged. But she does like me. At least she did till I
threw her out of the apartment." After Larry and Billy hug, Balki
stands up and hugs both of them. "You know I think one day you'll
both look back on this moment and realize this was when you really became
brothers," Balki notes, "Now why don't we all go have dinner?"
Larry confesses, "I spent all my money on lunch." "I spent
all my money on this tuxedo," Billy admits. "Well, no
problem," Balki says, "I could defrost some pig's snout. It's
always better the second night." Billy quickly says, "Well,
actually I have enough money for hot dogs." "I think I could
probably scrape up some change," Larry agrees, and the two start emptying
their pockets onto the table.
on to the next episode . . .