Strangers Episode Guide
53 - Aliens
First Air Date:
October 28, 1988
Nielsen Rating: 13.4 HH
TV Guide Description: Larry
braves a Halloween night horror-movie marathon, but he awakens the next morning
believing Balki has turned into a different kind of immigrant -- from another
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Paula A. Roth
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne
Belita Moreno: Ms. Lydia Markham
Jo Marie Payton-France: Harriette Winslow
Appearances: Dimitri can be seen sitting on the bookshelf throughout the
episode wearing an orange feather boa. He is also elevated above the shelf
as if he were floating!
"Why would anybody want to sit through twelve hours of horrible
"Well, Cousin, I think you must be suffering from an optical
"Youíre right, Cousin, Iím glibless!"
"Well, Cousin, I think your mind is pulling you leg."
"When the Mama ship gets here youíll be the first one in line!"
ridiculous: Said three time in this episode, once by Mary Anne, Jennifer,
Harriette and Lydia.
used in this episode:
"Donít do that."
"Well, Iíll be snookered."
"Where do I come up with them?"
Other running jokes
used in this episode:
Harriette insults Lydia
Balki shrugs off a compliment
Larry exaggerates words starting in ĎHí as Balki does
Larry and Balki have quick verbal exchanges, such as "Yes, you are,"
"No, Iím not"
Balki laughs at his own joke
- The title of this episode was also the name of
the sequel to the movie Alien.
- Harriette mentions her scary mother-in-law in this episode.
Estelle Winslow, Carlís mother, would move in with the Winslow family in the
pilot episode of Family Matters.
- Mary Anne is wearing her stewardess uniform as a
costume. But what's really funny is she's wearing Jennifer's nametag, so
she's actually dressed as Jennifer for Halloween!
- This episode saw the introduction of the
purple-patterned couch that Balki and Larry would have in their apartment until
the season six episode A Horse is a Horse. After that the couch
changes to a more neutral color again. Was it just a coincidence the horse
was sitting on the couch for its last appearance? What a way for the
loudest couch in television history to end its career!
- This fantasy episode was undoubtedly inspired by
the most inventive fantasy episode ever. It May Look Like a Walnut! was
the 50th episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show and a complete
foray into dream sequence television. The surreal episode was mostly a
dream cooked up in Rob Petrieís mind after watching a horror movie before
going to bed. Co-star Jerry Paris, who played Rob and Lauraís neighbor
Jerry Helper, went on to direct episodes of Happy Days. Notably, he
directed the most memorable fantasy episode of that series, My Favorite Orkan.
That episode, while on the whole not working as well as its predecessor, did
introduce Robin Williams as Mork from Ork, launching a whole new hit series for
Miller-Milkis Productions. Mork and Mindy was created by Garry
Marshall, Joe Glauburg and Perfect Strangers creator Dale McRaven!
In fact, several members of the production team and crew from Perfect
Strangers also worked on Mork and Mindy, as well as Happy Days.
- Invasion of the Body Snatchers was a
classic horror film released in 1956 and starring Kevin McCarthy and Dana Wynter.
An equally, and possible even more unnerving, remake of the film (particularly
the final scene) was made in 1978 starred Donald Sutherland, Jeff Goldblum and
- Larry comments that his parents had to take him
out of the 1940 Disney movie Fantasia because he was crying. Any
very young and sensitive child who sat through the Night on Bald Mountain sequence
when the movie played revival runs in art theaters in the 60's and 70's might be
able to relate to this comment.
The episode begins in the basement of the Chicago Chronicle, which is decorated
for Halloween. Larry is on the phone with someone. "Well,
itís gonna be a great party," he says, "Okay, well, maybe next year.
Okay, bye bye." Larry hangs up the phone and crosses someone off the
list on his notepad as the elevator door opens and Harriette and Lydia step out
and approach Larryís desk. "Okay, weíre here," Harriette
announces, "Whatís all the fuss about?" "Larry, whatís
the matter?" Lydia asks, "I was in the middle of a very important
phone call." "What were you doing?" asks Harriette,
"Asking your hairdresser if you should go back to your natural color?"
"Ladies . . . " Larry tries to stop them. "For your
information, Harriette, this is my natural color!" Lydia brags.
"Ladies," Larry tries again. "Thatís about as natural as
Astroturf," Harriette scoffs. Lydiaís mouth drops open in shock.
"Ladies," Larry interrupts
again, "Balki and I want you to come to our Halloween party. Weíre
gonna watch the horror movie
marathon." "Oh, no thanks," Lydia sighs, "I hate
Halloween. I donít like any holiday that condones wearing orange and
black together." "The real reason you donít wanna go is
because youíre chicken!" Harriette says. "I am not!"
Lydia insists. "Aw, come on, you havenít showered alone since you
saw ĎPsycho,í" Harriette snips. Lydia looks angry and
embarrassed, commenting, "Well . . . I guess now I know who I can tell my
secrets to. Excuse me . . . I have an advice column to write!"
Lydia angrily walks up the stairs. "How about you, Harriette?"
Larry asks, "I know you donít scare easily." "I donít
scare at all, baby," Harriette informs him, walking back to the elevator.
"Well, so youíll be there?" Larry asks. "Sorry, my
mother-in-lawís in town and why watch movie monsters when you can see the real
thing?" Harriette asks, then steps back into the elevator and closes the
door. Larry crosses off two more names on his notepad, sighing, "No
Harriette . . . no Lydia."
this moment Balki runs in from the loading dock, wearing a sheep mask.
"Cousin, guess who!" Balki asks excitedly. "Oh my goodness,
who can that be under that mask?" Larry plays along, "Uhhhh . . . Mr.
Gorpley?" "No! Guess again!" Balki says. "Uhhh
. . . I donít know," Larry sighs, "Iíll never get it. Tell
me who you are, Balki." Balki pulls off the mask and announces
loudly, "Itís Balki!" "Ah!" Larry acts surprised as
he and Balki hug. "I guess Iím one good Halloween player,
huh?" Balki asks. "The best!" Larry assures him.
"No!" Balki sighs humbly, swiping at Larry with the mask.
"Yes, you are!" Larry insists, as Balki continues to say now and keeps
swatting Larry with the mask until Larry finally takes it from him.
"You know, everyoneís gonna love
this at the party tonight!" Larry says off the mask. "Well,
Iím not wearing this to the party tonight," Balki says, "This is
just my office costume." Balki puts his hand inside the mask and
makes its lips move with his fingers. "Well,
you might as well wear it," Larry sighs, "because no one from the
office is coming to the party. Itís just us and Jennifer and Mary Anne.
No one else wants to watch the horror movie marathon." "Well, if
nobody else wants to watch it, why do we want to watch it?" Balki
asks. "Because horror is the fun part of Halloween!" Larry
explains, patting Balkiís arm and starting to walk away. "Yeah,
about that, Cousin," Balki says, stopping Larry, "I still donít
understand . . . why would anybody want to sit through twelve hours of horrible
movies? I could barely make it through ĎIshtar.í" "No,
not horrible movies," Larry corrects, "Horror movies. Movies
that scare you to death." "I donít want to be scared to
death," Balki states. "Well, sure you do! People love to
be frightened. Thatís why so many of them live in New York," Larry
night Larry, Jennifer, Mary Anne and Balki are sitting in the cousinsí living
room, which is also decorated for Halloween. They are watching the horror
movie marathon on television. Larry is dressed as Jason with a hockey
mask, striped shirt and a bloody knife sticking out of his chest. Jennifer
is dressed as a witch. Balki is dressed in a large feathery chicken
outfit. Mary Anne is wearing her stewardessí uniform. There is the
sound of a woman screaming coming from the set and then a sudden sickening noise
which makes Jennifer, Mary Anne and Balki jump with fear. "Well,
Iíve had enough!" Jennifer announces, getting up. "What?"
Larry asks with surprise. "Me, too!" Mary Anne agrees, also
getting up. "What? You canít go now!" Larry cries,
getting up and meeting them at the front door, "Weíre only halfway
through the marathon! Weíve got three movies to go!"
"Six hours of watching scary movies
is too much for me," Mary Anne complains, "My head hurts, my stomach
is all tied up in knots
and I think Iím getting hives!" She turns to Balki and adds,
sweetly, "Thanks for a lovely evening." Balki reaches out to
shake her hand. "Oh, how Ďbout a little peck?" she asks.
Balki motions as if he were pecking her like a chicken, which makes her giggle.
"Bye," Jennifer says to Larry and walks out the door followed by Mary
Anne and Larry wishes them goodnight and closes the door. "Well,
whatís wrong with everybody?" Larry asks, "Theyíre just scary
movies." "You know, youíre right!" Balki adds nervously,
"Who would be afraid of scary movies?" "Oh, look at
this," Larry says, pointing to the TV guide, "Theyíre gonna miss the
best one . . . ĎInvasion of the Body Snatchers . . . aliens take over the
planet by replacing everybody with identical twins that theyíve grown in giant
pods.í" "This wouldnít be a light-hearted comedy, would
it?" Balki asks, his voice quavering.
"Oh, donít tell me youíre scared,
too!" Larry sighs. "Well, of course Iím not, donít be
ridiculous!" Balki insists, "I was just hoping
for a little change of pace." "Well, if you want a chance of
pace letís watch this next one in the dark!" Larry suggests, reaching
over and flipping the lights off. Balki immediately reached past Larry to
turn the lights back on, warning, "Donít do that!"
"Afraid of the dark?" Larry taunts. "No, Iím not,"
Balki states. Larry turns the lights off again and Balki turns them back
on, repeating, "Donít do that!" "You are afraid of
the dark!" Larry teases. "No, Iím not!" Balki says again.
Larry turns the lights off again and Balki switches them back on.
"Yes, you are!" Larry says. "No, Iím not!" Balki
answers. Larry turns the lights off and Balki turns them back on.
"Yes, you are!" Larry repeats. "No, Iím not!" Balki
insists. Larry reaches over and pretends to turn the lights off, making a
clicking sound instead. Balki reaches over and inadvertently turns the
lights off. Seeing they are in the dark, Balki starts screaming until
Larry turns the lights on again. "Yes, I am!" Balki admits.
"Well, we donít have to watch it in
the dark!" Larry explains as they move back toward the couch.
"Well, I donít think we should watch it at all!" Balki says.
"Whatís a matter? You chicken?" Larry asks. Balki waits
a moment, then answers, "In a manner of
speaking," then laughs at his own joke. "Balki, these movies are
just make believe!" "Cousin, they are about bad people doing bad
things and I believe they put bad thoughts in our heads." "But,
Balki, theyíre harmless. They go in one eye and out the other."
"Well, I donít want to watch any more," Balki insists, turning to
walk away. "Whatís a matter?" Larry asks, "You afraid you
watch too many horror movies itíll make you into a monster?"
"Well, I donít know what it make me into and I donít want to take any
chances so Iím gonna go in there, brush my teeth, say my prayers and read
ĎThe Little Engine That Couldí just to clear my head." Larry just
shakes his head and walks to the couch, sighing, "What planet are you
from?" Balki waddles back into the bathroom as Larry sits down to
resume watching the marathon. "I guess Iím the only fun guy
left," he sighs, picking up a plastic jack-o-lantern and eating something
from it as the television announcer says, "Our horror move marathon
continues with ĎInvasion of the Body Snatchers.í"
next morning Balki is cleaning one of the chairs with a carpet sweeper.
Larry comes out of his bedroom and sees Balki with his back to him so he sneaks
up behind Balki on tiptoe and screams over his shoulder to scare him.
Balki doesnít react at all, he just keeps on with his work and says,
"Morning, Cousin. You sleep well?" "Well, I guess I
canít scare you!" Larry remarks, "What? You got eyes in the
back of your head?" "Well, of course not, donít be
ridiculous," Balki scoffs, leaning over to look at the bottom of the
sweeper and with his back still to Larry. Balki then notes, "Your
third button from the top is unbuttoned." Larry has to move his tie
to see this himself and buttons it up without thinking about how Balki has
noticed this. "Oh, thank you," Larry says, following Balki to
Balki moves to the stove and starts
stirring the contents of a pan. "So, whatíre you making?"
Larry asks. "This is mach ba sik sik,"
Balki answers, lifting up a spoonful for Larry to see. "Pig stomach
stuffed with head cheese," Balki explains, "and just a pinch of
cardamom." He holds it out for Larry to taste but Larry waves it
away. "I thought weíd take some on our trip, it travels so
well," Balki explains. "Weíre taking a trip?" Larry asks.
"Oh yes," Balki answers, "Weíre going to Mypos. Didnít
I tell you?" "No, you didnít tell me," Larry says.
"Well, Iíll be snookered!" Balki sighs. "Balki, if you
want to take a trip like that we have to plan ahead," Larry points out,
leaning against the kitchen counter as he watches Balki cook, "Weíve got
to check discount fares, weíve gotta coordinate vacation schedules . . .
" Balki steps back and points his finger at the pan and a green flash
shoots out of the end of his finger and into the pan, lighting the contents on
fire. " . . . I need a passport," Larry continues, knitting his
eyebrows as he asks, "Howíd you do that?"
"Do what?" Balki asks.
"You just shot a laser beam out of your finger and set that on fire,"
Larry states. "No, I didnít," Balki says. "Yes,
you did," Larry insists. "Nope, didnít," Balki shakes his
head. "Balki, I was standing right here. I saw it," Larry
says. "Well, Cousin, I think you must be suffering from an optical
delusion," Balki deduces, "Maybe you didnít get enough sleep last
night. Do you want me to make you a cup of coffee?" "No, I
donít think so," Larry sighs, "Iíll stick with milk. My
stomach feels a little queasy from all that junk I ate last night."
Larry walks around the counter and sits on one of the stools as Balki gets a
carton of milk out of the refrigerator and a glass and brings them over to the
counter. Balki starts to pour the milk when Larry points to the stove and
notes, "Your sik sikís still burning." "Oh, so it
is!" Balki realizes, and walks away from the counter, leaving the milk
carton with milk still pouring from it suspended over the glass as if frozen in
time. Larry stares at this incredulously.
comes back and finishes pouring the milk, then pushes the glass to Larry and
throws the carton away. "How did you do that?" Larry asks.
"Do what?" "You made the milk stop and wait for you,"
Larry says. "No, I didnít," Balki replies. "Balki,
you turned away and . . . and then . . . oh, wait a minute," Larry stops
himself, "I know whatís happening. Youíre getting back at me for
scaring you last night. Very clever. What is it? Magic
tricks?" "Well, Cousin, no I donít know no magic tricks,"
Balki assures him, then sets his hand down on the counter as the coffee cup
about a foot and a half away slides across the counter into his palm so he can
pick it up and drink from it. Larry picks up the mug and looks at it,
sighing, "Very good. Okay, okay . . . you win. I apologize for
what I did last night. I will never, ever try to frighten you again."
"Thank you, Cousin," Balki says.
Walking to the stove, Balki sighs,
"Well, I think Iíll just let this mach bach sic sic curdle.
Címon, Cousin, letís go to work." Balki walks to the front door
and Larry gets off the stool to follow him. "Sure," Larry
agrees, "Letís go to work. Shall we take my car or
are you just going to beam us over?" "Oh come on, Cousin,"
Balki scoffs, "You know on my salary I canít afford a Beamer!"
Balki laughs at his own joke, throwing his arms up and exclaiming, "Where
do I come up with them?" Balki puts on his jacket as Larry walks to
the closet and opens the door. A giant, green pod drops out of the closet
into Larryís arms. "Balki? A giant pod?" Larry asks
incredulously, "Oh come on, Balki, this is going too far!" Balki
eyes Larry for a moment then turns without a word and walks through the front
door . . . which still happens to be closed! Larryís eyes open wide with
shock at having seen Balki walk through the solid door. "Balki?"
he asks, dropping the pod to the floor and scurrying to the door, eyeing it in
confusion. On his dazed and worried look the scene fades to black.
two begins at the Chicago Chronicle. Larry runs into the basement from the
parking garage and says "Harriette! Lydia! Thank God youíre
here!" before running to his desk where the two women are standing.
Theyíre both wearing Myposian-style vests. "Youíre not gonna
believe it," Larry continues, "This morning I saw Balki walk through a
door, he made a carton of milk float in midair and he started a fire with his
finger." "Let me smell your breath, baby," Harriette says,
leaning over to sniff at Larry. "Harriette, I have not been
drinking," Larry insists. "Uh, excuse me, Larry," Lydia
begins, "but did you watch all twelve hours of that horror movie marathon
last night?" "Whatís that got to do with anything?" Larry
asks. "Well, you watched weird movies last night and now youíre
seeing weird things today," Lydia points out. "I suppose that
could be an explanation," Larry sighs uncertainly.
bet it could, Cousin," Harriette says. "Why did you say
that?" Larry asks. "Say what?" Harriette asks.
"You called me Cousin," Larry notes. "No I didnít,
baby," Harriette assures him. "Yes, you did!" Larry
insists. "I called you Ďbaby,í baby!" Harriette says firmly,
"Thereís no way weíre cousins." "Wait a minute!"
Larry says, looking suspicious, "You two seem . . . different."
Harriette and Lydia exchange a look and roll their eyes. "Youíre
just now noticing that?" Harriette asks. "Relax!" Lydia
encourages, "The next thing you know youíll be saying that Balkiís an
alien and heís turning us into aliens to take us back to his home
planet." Lydia and Harriette break out into wild laughter and walk to
the elevator where they disappear through the elevator door.
looks freaked out. "Iím going crazy!" he laughs nervously,
sitting down at his desk, "Too many horror movies. Thatís gotta be
it. I . . . I just gotta relax. Just gotta relax and think about
something else. The Bears . . . the Bears . . . how are the Bears
doing?" He picks up a copy of the Chronicle which is sitting on his
desk and opens it to read. We can see the front page banner which reads
ĎPlanet Mypos Discovered Behind Pluto.í Larry scans the pages a moment
and then folds the paper and looks at the cover. He sets the paper down
and sighs, then his eyes widen and he grabs up the paper again, re-reading the
banner. "Planet Mypos discovered behind Pluto? Planet Mypos??"
As Larry is reading this, Balki drops down above and lands next to Larryís
Cousin!" Balki says, startling Larry who jumps up and turns around to face
him. "How did you get here?" Larry asks. "Oh, just
dropped in," Balki says, laughing to himself. "Well, you canít
fool me any more!" Larry states, walking up to Balki, "I know all
about Mypos! Itís right here on the Chronicleís front page!"
Larry turns to pick up the paper as Balki floats back up into the air and out of
sight. Larry wheels around with the headline of the paper and pushes to
out to where Balki was, only to find Balki gone. Larry looks around in
confusion, turning his back to where Balki drops back down next to him.
Larry turns back and is startled to find Balki standing there again.
"Where were you?" Larry demands to know. "I never left the
room," Balki assures him. "Well, maybe you wonít be so glib
after you read this!" Larry says, thrusting the newspaperís front
page at Balki. "ĎCity Council Approves Annual Budget,í"
Balki reads aloud, then says, "Youíre right, Cousin, Iím glibless!"
Larry looks at the newspaper headline in
confusion. "But it was right on the front page!" he cries.
"Well, Cousin, I think your mind
is pulling you leg," Balki offers. "Oh, whatís
happening?" Larry sighs, "Why am I seeing things that arenít
there?" A woman in a vest walks buy pushing a mail cart with a giant
pod on it. "I mean whatís uh . . . whatís uh . . . whatís uh .
. . whatís in that mail cart?" "The mail," Balki answers,
"It comes at this time every day." "That was a pod!"
Larry shouts, "Now I get it! The fire, the milk, walking through
doors, itís all coming together. You are a strange visitor from another
planet who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond that of mortal man
and who disguised as Balki Bartokomous, mild-mannered sheepherder working for a
great metropolitan newspaper, is turning us all into Mypiots so you can take us
back to your planet!" "Darn, you got me," Balki sighs and
Larry gasps with shock.
mean itís true?" Larry asks in horror. "Yepper," Balki
answers, "I may be an alien bent on world conquest but Iím no liar.
Cousin, youíre gonna love Mypos! The climate is perfect, all men are
created Cousins and weíve conquered cellulite!" "Iím not
going to another planet!" Larry announces. "Oh come on,
Cousin," Balki whines, "I . . . I always go where you want to
go." "I donít want to go to Mypos," Larry says,
"Iíll never go to Mypos! Nothing you can do or say will ever make
me want to go to Mypos!" Balki places a hand on Larryís forehead
and Larry automatically looks submissive. "Cousin, you want to
go to Mypos!" Balki states. "I want to go to Mypos," Larry
parrots exactly. "When the Mama ship gets here youíll be the first
one in line!" "When the Mama ship gets here Iíll be the first in
line!" Larry repeats. "And when we say ĎWho wants pig
snout?í youíd say ĎI do! I do!í" "And when you say
ĎWho wants pig snout?í Iíll say . . . huuuuugh . . . Iíll say . . .
makes a gagging sound and then pulls his head ahead from Balkiís hand.
"Iíll never eat pig snout!" Larry insists. "You
have a very strong will, Earth boy!" Balki comments. "Balki, how
can you do this to the Earth?" Larry asks, "You used to be so
nice." "Well, we Mypiots were nice for six thousand years,"
Balki agrees, "and then one day somebody suggested, ĎHey . . . why you
donít watch scary movies? They wonít hurt you. They just go in
one eye and out the other.í Well, they checked in but they didnít
check out. They set up housekeeping. They begat bad thoughts.
And those bad thoughts got together and had little bad thoughts. And those
little bad thoughts grew up into big bad thoughts!" Balki floats into
the air above Larry. "And now all we have are big bad thoughts!
So weíre taking over the Earth just for kicks!" Balki laughs
maniacally as Larry beats a hasty retreat to the loading dock.
at the apartment Larry runs in the front door and slams it shut behind him,
fumbling with the chain for a moment before giving up and then fumbling with the
deadbolt for a moment before giving up on that as well. Larry runs to the
phone on the kitchen counter and dials hurriedly. "Hello, Jennifer?
Itís Larry! Drop whatever youíre doing and get down here."
There is an immediate knock on the front door. "Who is it?"
Larry calls. "Itís Jennifer!" Jenniferís voice calls through
the door. Larry stares at the door and then the phone a moment before
hanging up and running to open the door to see Jennifer standing in a long coat.
"How did you get here so fast?" Larry asks. "You sounded
upset so I hurried," Jennifer explains, "Whatís wrong?"
Larry pulls Jennifer into the apartment and quickly closes the door, again
fumbling with the chain and bolt to no avail before giving up on them.
"I have proof that Balki is from a
planet called Mypos and theyíre taking over the Earth," Larry cries,
"Youíve got to believe me!" "Larry,
I believe you," Jennifer says nicely. "You do?" Larry asks
happily, then look suspicious as he asks, "Why?" "Well, for
one thing Balki is floating outside the window," Jennifer points out.
Larry turns to see Balki hovering just outside the living room window.
Jennifer walks to the kitchen and waves at Balki. "No, no donít let
him in!" Larry pleads, "Weíve got to leave right now!" He
tries to pull Jennifer away but Jennifer doesnít move. "Thereís
no hurry!" she insists. "What do you mean thereís no
hurry?" Larry asks, "If we stay weíll become Mypiots!"
Jennifer pulls open the coat to reveal she is wearing a vest. "Is
that really so bad, Cousin?" she asks. "Youíre wearing a
vest!" Larry gasps in horror, "Youíre one of them!"
Jennifer takes off the coat and sets it aside as Larry runs for the front door.
Lydia, Harriette and Mary Anne enter through the closed front door, each wearing
vests as well. "Hi, Cousin!" the say simultaneously, "Going
Larry tries to run the other way but sees
Jennifer. Balki drops down from above as Larry turns back again.
"Time to go!" Balki announces, "The Mama ship is
double-parked!" He starts laughing at the joke, as does the others
until Balki motions for them to
stop, which they do instantly. "You mean heís changed you all into
Mypiots?" Larry asks. "Well, of course he has, donít be
ridiculous!" they all chant. Balki raises his hand to place on
Larryís forehead, saying, "Let me give you a hand, Cousin."
Larry runs away, "Oh no! Iím not falling for that one again!
Youíll never take me!" Balki reaches down and picks up a vest,
walking toward Larry. "Oh, come on, Cousin . . . be one of us.
Put on the vest. Alterations are free." "No!" Larry
insists, "No no no!" He runs around the couch but Mary Anne
blocks his path. He turns back but Balki is closing in with the vest.
"Get away! Get away!" Larry cries. Balki floats into the
air, laughing nastily, and motions for Larry to rise as well. As Larry
floats into the air he turns to run, but heís running in midair with Balki
above him, laughing threateningly as everyone begins to chant, "Cou-sin!
Cou-sin! Cou-sin! Cou-sin!" The scene becomes wavy and
starts to fade . . . .
Larry is lying on the couch with Balki
standing over him, holding a vest and trying to shake him awake. "Get
away, get away,"
Larry is mumbling. "Cousin! Cousin!" Balki urges.
Larry opens his eyes and sees Balki over him. "Donít come any
closer!" Larry cries. "How would that be possible?" Balki
asks. Larry gets up from the couch and runs away, stopping in defiance.
"Youíll never put that vest on me!" he declares. "Well,
Cousin, I wasnít thinking of it," Balki says, "It donít go with
the knife in your chest." "What?" Larry asks, then looks
down and is horrified, crying, "Oh! Oh! Oh!" He
suddenly remembers and gasps, "Oh! Oh! Iíve got a knife in my
chest! Oh, thatís great!" He walks back to the couch.
"Oh, I must have fallen asleep in front of the television."
"Cousin, I think you were having a bad dream," Balki realizes.
"Oh, I was!" Larry confirms, "And Balki, it was awful! In
my dream you were from a planet called Mypos and you were taking over the Earth!
And that wasnít the awful part. The awful part was that you were not
Larry laughs, still a bit nervous, asking,
"Can you imagine that? Balki Bartokomous, not nice?" Larry
continues to laugh and then stops, eyeing Balki nervously. "Balki,
just for argumentís sake, uh . . . what would you do if a total stranger came
up to you on the street and took your money, kicked you in the shins and said
your mama wears army boots?" "Well, um . . . " Balki muses,
took my money Iíd say ĎSpend it wisely.í And if he kicked me in the
shins Iíd say ĎYou know, you should join a gym to find a more positive way
of taking out aggression.í And if he says my mama wears army boots, then
I say, ĎYouíve seen Mama? How does she look?í" Larry is
relieved. "You are Balki!" He goes to hug Balki but
the knife in his chest gets in the way so he takes it out and drops it on the
couch so they can embrace. "Oh Cousin," Balki sighs.
"Balki," Larry begin as they sit down, but Larry jumps up immediately,
having sat on the prop knife. He tosses it onto the coffee table.
"Balki, I never want to have a nightmare like that again."
"Observation," Balki begins, "If you hadnít watched all those
scary movies you wouldnít have had that bad dream." "Well, you
know, ever since my parents took me out of ĎFantasiaí crying, Iíve been
trying to prove something," Larry admits. "Well, Cousin, you did
prove something," Balki offers, "You proved that if you watch twelve
hours of scary movies then you have a nightmare. Of course the rest of us
already knew that. Thatís why you were watching them alone."
"Well, why learn the easy way when you can learn the hard way?" Larry
asks. "Well, thatís the motto you live by," Balki notes.
"Balki, what díya say next
Halloween we just hand out candy to the kids and call it a night?" Larry
suggests. "Okay by me," Balki
agrees, "Now how Ďbout this? We clean up this place, I make you
some breakfast and you start to feel better." "Okay," Larry
agrees. They get up from the couch and Balki picks up a bowl of potato
chips and a couple of paper plates as Larry picks up a bowl of popcorn and they
head for the kitchen. "Boy, what a nightmare!" Larry sighs,
"It was the craziest thing!" Balki walks into the kitchen as
Larry stops by the counter. "Every time I turned around you were
gone." Larry is looking toward the living room and then turns to the
kitchen just as Balki steps out behind him. Larry eyes the empty kitchen
worriedly, finally calling, "Balki?" Balki has walked up next to
Larry and says, "Cousin?" startling Larry into turning and around and
throwing the popcorn in the bowl all over Balki. Larry brushes Balki off
as Balki reaches into the bowl to get a handful of popcorn as the scene fades.
There are some
differences between the final episode and the first draft from October 10, 1988:
the original script Larry is not on the phone when Harriette and Lydia come to
the basement. After Larry tells them about the party and the horror movie
marathon, Lydia replies in a frightened voice, "You mean, horror movies?
I have better things to do than waste my time watching "blobs", and
"things" and (losing it) disgusting monsters who wrap their slimy arms
around unsuspecting victims squeezing the life from their senseless bodies . . .
" Harriette then shouts "Boo!" and Lydia screams.
Harriette tells Larry, "I think that's a no." Lydia states
"I hate Halloween!" and goes into the elevator.
Balki comes in he asks Larry if Harriette and Lydia are going to the party.
"No, Balki, Harriette's busy and Lydia's a chicken," Larry answers.
"But I wanted to be a chicken!" Balki says. "Fine, Balki,
but you're not going to scary anybody dressed as a chicken."
"Cousin, why would I want to scare anybody?" Balki asks.
"Because it's Halloween," Larry explains, "That's what Halloween
is all about." "But I thought it was about dressing up in funny
costumes and giving out candy," Balki says. "That's for
kids," Larry explains, "For adults, Halloween is a chance to
re-experience that pure terror they could only enjoy as children. Why else
would you carve scary faces on pumpkins? Why else would you tell ghost
stories? Why else would you wear orange and black together?"
Balki says, "Let me get this straight. You mean, because it's
Halloween, I'm supposed to scare the living daylight savings time out of my
friends?" "Exactly," Larry confirms, "Balki, trust me.
You'll have a great time. Especially when Jennifer and Mary Anne get
scared watching the horror movie marathon." Balki makes the same
comment as in the show about Ishtar and Larry explains he means
"horror" movies then adds as they leave, "Now come on. I
want to stop and pick up a skeleton, some vampire fangs and a couple of
bats." "Cousin, go easy on the bats. I'm allergic,"
Balki says, which causes Larry to give him an odd look.
the beginning of the party scene Larry is saying goodbye to some guests who are
leaving. Larry is dressed as a rabbit and Balki is dressed as a skeleton.
Jennifer is a Princess. Mary Anne is dressed in her stewardess uniform
with Jennifer's name tag on. Shortly after the other guests leave,
Jennifer and Mary Anne get up and say they're leaving as well. After Mary
Anne says how awful she's feeling and thanks them for a lovely evening Larry
says, "But the movie's not over. You'll miss the part when the
Martians take the girl and drill a hole in the back of her neck and turn her
into a mindless zombie." "So that's how it's done,"
Jennifer comments, looking at the back of Mary Anne's neck. Balki says to
Mary Anne, "Before you go, Mary Anne, I want you to know I thought you had
the most original costume." "Thank you," Mary Anne offers,
"I thought it would be fun to come dressed as Jennifer." "I
like your costume too, Larry," Jennifer offers. "Thanks,"
Larry sighs, "I wanted to be Frankenstein but rabbits were all they had in
tells Balki that Invasion of the Body Snatchers is a classic. "No.
Benji the Hunted is a classic," Balki counters, "This is just
scary." Larry says, "It's supposed to be scary. Horror
movies frighten us because they address our deepest, darkest fears. People
should watch these films to confront their fears." "Cousin, I
think that's very brave," Balki replies, "but don't you think that six
hours of confronting is enough?"
next morning when Larry gets up Balki is clearing the dishes off the table
instead of using a carpet sweeper. After Balki says they are going to
Mypos, he adds, "Taking you back to Mypos was always part of the
plan." "Plan? You never mentioned this," Larry says.
"Oh, I didn't? Well, then never mind," Balki says.
lights the stove with his index finger instead of the contents of the pan.
When Larry asks him about it and Balki denies it Larry says, "Balki, I saw
you. You turned the knob with your right hand, and you lit the burner with
your left index finger." "Close, but no Teri Garr, Cousin,"
Balki counters, "I turned the knob with my right hand and I lit a match
with my left index finger." "It sure looked like you lit the
stove with your finger," Larry comments. "An optical
delusion," Balki scoffs.
Larry deduces that Balki is getting back at him for scaring him the night
before, he says, "Very clever. You went to the novelty shop and
picked up some magic tricks. Nice try, buddy, but you have to get up
pretty early in the morning to put anything over on yours truly."
"Cousin, I do get up pretty early in the morning, but, who is this yours
truly?" Balki asks. Larry suggests they go to work and says, "If
you don't have any more tricks up your sleeve, can we go to work now?"
"Nothing up my sleeves but my well toned arms," Balki answers.
When Larry goes to work he finds Lydia alone in the basement first and asks her
if she's seen Balki. "He's delivering the mail," she answers.
"Did you notice anything strange about him today?" Larry asks.
"I notice something strange about him every day," Lydia explains,
"It makes coming down here an adventure." "I know this is
going to sound bizarre, but this morning I saw Balki walk through a closed
door," Larry says. "Sure you did. And I'm dating Sylvester
Stallone," Lydia scoffs.
Harriette enters the basement, Larry tells her, "I've seen some things
today that lead me to only one conclusion. Balki is an alien."
"Of course he is," Harriette answers. "Not that kind of
alien. He's from another planet," Larry says. This
"alien" joke is repeated throughout the rest of the script.
Larry hears Harriette call him Cousin and she denies it, he notices that
Harriette and Lydia are wearing vests. "Then why are you wearing a
vest identical to one owned by the person who does call me cousin?"
Larry asks. "Balki gave us these vests," Lydia explains.
The elevator buzzes and Harriette asks, "Can I get that, or should I stay
and help you into a straight jacket?" "I'm sorry," Larry
says, "I guess I should try to calm down." "See you
later," Lydia says, and then under her breath she adds, "Cousin."
She and Harriette walk through the elevator door but Larry does not see them do
they have left, Larry says, "They're right. I mean, what am I
thinking? There's no way Balki could be from another planet. I've
seen pictures of Mypos, I've talked to Balki's Mama on the phone."
Larry dials the phone on his desk. "What was I thinking?"
Into the phone he says, "Hello, Research? Look, Pete, I need some
information on Mypos. It's a small island in the Mediterrenean. Why
are you laughing?" Larry listens a moment, then says, "Because
any sixth grader knows that Mypos is the lost moon of Jupiter. I guess I
was absent that day. Thanks." Larry hangs up the phone,
stunned, and this is when Balki floats down behind him and says "Hi,
Cousin." "Don't you, 'Hi, Cousin' me," Larry says, "I
know what you are and where you're from." "I should hope
so," Balki says, "I've always prided myself in my communications
Larry sees the pod in the mail cart Balki says, "Forgive me for stating the
obvious, but you seem a bit more tense than usual." "You're darn
right I'm tense. I found out that I've been living with an alien,"
Larry says. "A legal alien," Balki says proudly,
"The proud possessor of a green card, a driver's license and a membership
card for the Wayne Newton fan club." "Not that kind of
alien," Larry says, tired of it already, "I found out that Mypos is
the lost moon of Jupiter." "Who told you that?" Balki asks.
"Pete in Research." "Come on, Cousin," Balki says,
"Pete is always pulling your foot. Remember the time he told you that
they found that eating carrots makes you taller?" "Well,
yes," Larry says. "And you are so many that you turned
orange?" Balki reminds him. "I remember," Larry says,
embarrassed. "And you told everyone it was a sunburn," Balki
adds. "I remember. I remember. What's the point?"
"The point is Pete always likes to make you the buttocks of his
jokes," Balki explains, "Now, why don't you go home and get some rest.
I'm sure you'll feel better after a good sleep." "I can't, Balki,"
Larry says, "I have a ton of work to do." "Cousin, the work
will be here tomorrow," Balki insists, "You should take care of
yourself." Balki puts his hand on Larry's forehead and Larry says,
"The work will be here tomorrow. I should take care of myself."
"I thought you'd see it my way," Balki nods. "I see it your
way," Larry mimics. Larry exits and Harriette and Lydia come through
the closed elevator door. "Cousins, it's good to see you," Balki
says and hugs them, the three of them rising into the air, not seeing that Larry
has re-entered the basement. "Is Larry one of us yet?" Lydia
asks. "Not yet. But he will be very soon," Balki answers.
Larry runs out of the basement.
Larry calls Jennifer down to the apartment he says, "I have proof that
Balki is an alien." "Of course he is," Jennifer says.
"Not that kind of alien!" Larry sighs, very tired of saying
this. After Jennifer notes that Balki is floating outside the window she
suggests they try to talk to him. "You can't reason with an
alien," Larry argues, "We have to leave right now."
Harriette and Lydia enter the apartment through the closed door, Harriette asks
Lydia, "Can't we open the door for a change?" "I just love
the feeling of being one with the door. Don't you?" Lydia asks.
"No," Harriette answers, then says to Larry, "Hi, Cousin.
Going somewhere?" Larry runs toward his bedroom door but Mary Anne
walks through it and says, "Hi Cousin, your bedroom's a mess."
As Larry is cornered in the living room he says, "I just had a terrific
idea. Why don't we forget I saw any of this. I'll never breathe a
word to anyone." "I don't think so," Balki answers.
"No, really I mean it," Larry tries, "It will be our little
secret. I promise." Balki then explains how Larry will like
Mypos and the reasons, including, "The climate is perfect, there are no
wars and we've conquered cellulite." "That's what convinced
me," Lydia explains. "You'll never take me," Larry says
defiantly, "I won't go to sleep so that pod you're growing in the closet
can replace me." "Where do you get your ideas?" Balki asks,
"Those pods aren't for growing people, they're for lunch. Cousin,
Mypiots cannot live by headcheese alone." "Then how do you turn
people into Mypiots?" Larry asks. Balki produces a vest and says,
"I saved this one for you. Just put it on. I promise you'll
feel no pain." This is when Larry rises in the air with Balki trying
to put the vest on him.
Balki wakes Larry up, Larry says, "Don't come any closer. You'll
never put that vest on me." "I wasn't going to," Balki
assures him. "Then why are you holding it?" Larry asks.
"I was getting dressed when I heard you yelling. You must have been
having a bad dream," Balki says. "I was dreaming?" Larry
asks, then relieved he says, "I was dreaming. Balki, it was awful.
I dreamed you were an alien." "I am an alien," Balki points
out. "Not that kind of alien," Larry explains yet again.
[In fact Paula Roth even wrote into the script (FOR THE LAST TIME, I PROMISE)].
After Larry explains his dream Balki comments, "Cousin, I think in the
sixties they called that a bad trip." After talking about how
watching the horror movies triggered Larry's bad dreams, he says, "I
thought it would be good to confront my fears. I guess I was wrong."
"You weren't wrong," Balki explains, "You just went too far.
If you confront your fears for twelve hours, there's a good chance you'll create
some new ones." "I created some beauties," Larry sighs.
"Don't worry about it, Cousin," Balki says, "You know what they
say about fear. Hare today, gone tomorrow." Balki laughs at his
There are some more
differences between the first draft above and the second draft from October 12,
this version, Larry is on the phone when Lydia and Harriette enter, but he says,
"Yes. Eight o'clock. Okay. Great. Bye, bye."
After the dialogue about Lydia's natural hair color, Larry invites them to the
Halloween party. "No, thanks," Lydia says, "I hate
Halloween. I hate anything that brings little kids to my door."
The rest of the scene with Harriette and Lydia is the same as in the aired
- When Balki enters he is wearing a
monkey mask, not a sheep mask. Balki explains, "But this isn't the
costume I'm wearing to the party. I'm wearing something else. You'll
never recognize me." "Oh, yes I will," Larry says,
"You're the only other guy coming tonight." (Didn't it sound
like someone might be coming when Larry was on the phone, though?). Balki
asks why they want to watch the horror movie marathon if no one else does.
"Because horror is the fun part of Halloween," Larry explains,
"It's what the turkey is to Thanksgiving. What the firecracker is to
the Fourth of July . . . " Balki gets it and chimes in with,
"What Saran Wrap is to Mypos coronation day." Larry stares at
Balki. "We have a lot of leftovers," Balki explains.
"Exactly," Larry confirms, "Saran Wrap for Coronation day, horror
movies for Halloween." Balki makes the comment about Ishtar and Larry
says, "Balki, not horrible movies. Horror movies.
Movies that frighten you to death." Larry gets an idea.
"Maybe it's a good thing no one else is coming to the party. Jennifer
and Mary Anne will get more and more frightened. And when women get
frightened, they turn to their men for 'comfort.' Huh, huh, huh?"
Balki gives his knowing, "Oh!" The script calls this routine
their "bachelor on the loose run." Balki then asks, "Are we
still talking about Halloween?" Larry picks up his coat and they
- When Larry says they're halfway through the
marathon he points out there are five movies to go, not three. After Balki
tells Mary Anne she has the best costume and Mary Anne says she though it would
be fun to come dressed as Jennifer, Jennifer adds, "She thought of it all
by herself." After the girls leave and the guys do the lights on /
lights off bit, Larry says they won't watch the movie in the dark and Balki
says, "Cousin, I don't think we should watch it at all. On Mypos,
telling scary stories is a misdemeanor. We believe it puts bad thoughts in
our minds and gives us nightmares." "Come on, Balki," Larry
says, "You're too nice. You could use a couple of bad thoughts just
for variety." "No, I'm going to brush my teeth, say my prayers
and write a letter to Mama," Balki says. Larry sighs, "Whoa,
what planet are you from?" Balki answers, "Well, I am what I am.
I got to be me. So I guess I'll do it my way." Balki goes to
his bedroom and Larry sits down, saying, "I guess I'm the only fun guy
- The start of Scene C has this beginning to the
directions: "Balki is finishing putting slip covers on the couch. No
really, what he's doing is cleaning the carpet with a carpet sweeper. [!!! -
This must have been an inside joke] He points to a chair and it levitates
so he can sweep under it, then motions and the chair settles to the floor."
- After Larry explains what he's seen to Harriette
and Lydia, Lydia asks if he watched all twelve hours of the movie marathon, then
says, "And today you think you saw Balki do a bunch of supernatural things.
Do you think there is a connection?" There is an extra line where
Lydia says "Larry, relax. Sounds like you ate too much Halloween
candy." "That much sugar can affect your brain," Harriette
adds. This is when Lydia says the next thing Larry will be saying is that
Balki is an alien, etc. When Larry checks the paper, he also mutters,
"Too much sugar. That's got to be it."
- After Balki levitates above Larry, then comes
back down and startles him, Larry asks, "Where did you go?"
"Nowhere, Cousin," Balki assures him. The headline reads
"Planet Mypos Discovered Behind Pluto" now. When the headline
changes and Larry is confused, he says, "But it said . . . Mypos . . .
behind Pluto . . . " "Cousin, Mypos is behind Pluto, and we're
also very supportive of Mickey Mouse. But it's nothing to get stressed out
about," Balki offers. After Larry deduces that Balki's and alien and
is going to turn everyone into Mypiots and take them back to his planet, Balki
says, "Well, okay. It was going to be a surprise, but I guess the
cat's out of the glad bag."
- When Larry refuses to go to Mypos, Balki assures
him, "It will be painless. All you'll have to do is give up your
personality. Which in your case, will be a small price to pay."
"Well, you're not taking this guy," Larry insists. "Cousin,
we have ways of making you go," Balki informs him. "Well, you're
going to have a fight in your hands," Larry promises, "This is one
earthling who's not going to go easy. Well, I'm going to be kicking and
scratching. You'll have a fight on your . . . " This is when
Balki pulls the mind takeover on Larry. After Larry breaks free of the
mind grip and asks what happened to Balki and "You used to be so nice"
Balki says, "We Mypiots were nice for six thousand years. But then
someone suggested we 'could use a couple of bad thoughts just for
variety.'" He then explains how the little bad thoughts grew into big
bad thoughts. At the end of his speech, he adds, "You should see what
we've done to Mars. It's all condos and off shore drilling."
- At the apartment, when Balki tries to put his
hand on Larry's forehead again, Larry backs away and says, "I'm not falling
for that one again. You'll never take me." "Cousin, when
you're not nice, you can take whatever you want," Balki informs him.
When Larry is in the air trying to run away he's crying, "Get away.
Get away." Balki is saying, "Cousin. Cousin."
- This is the way they merge into the next scene,
with Larry crying, "No, no! Get away!" "Cousin,
Cousin," Balki tries to wake him. Larry sees the knife in his chest
and screams but doesn't calm down and say that it's great. "You must
have been having a bad dream," Balki deduces. "I was
dreaming?" Larry asks, then explains his dream, saying, "The worst
thing was you weren't nice." "But, last night you were saying I
was too nice," Balki points out. "I was wrong," Larry said,
"Nice works for you, believe me. I never want to have a dream like
that again." The rest of the episode is the same.
on to the next episode . . .