Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 55 - High Society

First Air Date: November 11, 1988
Nielsen Rating: 13.3 HH

TV Guide Description: An invitation from newspaper owner Endicott has the cousins rubbing elbows with the rich and famous, who welcome them into their palatial estate believing Balki is the Crown Prince of Mypos.

Co-Producer: James OíKeefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Paula A. Roth
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Belita Moreno: Ms. Lydia Markham

Guest Cast:
Jo Marie Payton-France: Harriette Winslow
Carol Bruce: Mrs. Endicott
Robert Cornthwaite: Bobo Sr.
Norman Bartold: Mr. Endicott
Frank Birney: Guest
Roger Scott: Young Snob

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri can be seen on the right side of the bookcase shelf wearing a tiara and a little cloak-like robe.

Balki-isms:
"They put their pantyhose on one leg at a time."

Donít be ridiculous: Said once in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Wrong!"
"What are we talking about?"
"Oh, go on with you!"
"Hi!" in stereo
"Thatís better!"
"Well, we gotta talk about that."
"Wwowww!!"

Other running jokes used in this episode:
-
Larry asks Balki how many times heís done something, leading into the routine of "How many?  How many?" until Balki admits never and Larry says, "None, as in zero, as in never . . . " to which Balki adds "That is correct."
- When Balki gets confused at some concept Larry is trying to teach him he starts to complain, saying, "Last thing I know I was . . . " and explains what he had been doing
- Balki gives someone a playful shove that is too rough
- Balki laughs at his own joke

Notable Moment: Larry suggests The Chronicle create an investigative reporting team.

Songs: "Get Happy" - sung by Balki while coming down the stairs and then by Balki and Larry together when Larry learns they are going to the Endicottís party.

Interesting facts:
-
The title of this episode, High Society, was also the name of the 1956 classic film starring Bing Crosby, Grace Kelly and Frank Sinatra.
-
This is the first time the idea of an investigative reporting team was brought up for the Chronicle, and itís ironic that Larry was the one to suggest the idea because he would end up doing research for the reporting team of Marshall and Walpole without receiving any credit for it and that would soon be the subject of many frustrating moments for Larry.
- The cry of recognition from fans in the audience when Bronson says the word "bibbibabkas" proves just how popular the episode Just Desserts had been the season before.
- Carol Bruce makes her second notable appearance on the series as Mrs. "Muffy" Endicott.  She had previously played the wonderfully snobbish gallery owner Margaret Milgram in the season two episode Tux forTwo.  Weíre very sad to report that Carol Bruce passed away on October 7, 2007 in Woodland Hills, California, at the age of 87.
- Strangely enough, Robert Cornthwaite, who played Bobo Sr. with such a wonderful comedic sense in this episode, passed away in July 2006, also at the age of 87 and also in Woodland Hills, California.
- Norman Bartold, who played Mr. Endicott, had recurring roles on Laverne and Shirley (as Mr. Hildebrand the department store owner in some of the later episodes), Falcon Crest (as Judge Holder) and Mr. Belvedere (as Skip Hollings).  Mr. Bartold passed away in May 1994 at the age of 65.  An interesting note is that both he and actor Robert Cornthwaite appeared on television episodes of Disneyland.
- Carol Bruce was not the only actor from this episode who also appeared in the episode Tux for Two.  Frank Birney, who played a party guest in this episode, portrayed the wonderfully befuddled waiter in that previous episode as well!

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
-
Balki knows what "little golf" is in this episode but doesnít know about any kind of golf in the fifth season episode Hello, Ball.
- When Larry pulls the contents of the table down the food falls around them but there is no plum.  After the party guests come in from the other room the plum is suddenly right next to Larry where he can conveniently grab it and shove it into Balkiís mouth.


Synopsis:
The episode begins in the basement of the Chicago Chronicle.  Harriette is standing outside the elevator doing a crossword puzzle and Larry is standing at his desk, talking on the phone.  "Yes, I know Mr. Endicott owns the paper, thatís why Iím calling him," Larry says into the receiver, "Yeah what?  Well, Iíd rather not tell you what floor I work on.  Well, I . . . Iím afraid if I do tell you, youíll hang up on me.  All right, all right . . . uh, I work in the basement and I just wanted . . . . "  There is a distinctive Ďclickí on the other end.  "Hello?  Hello?"  Larry hangs up the phone and Harriette walks up to him and comments, "Thatís amazing.  Youíre as dynamic on the phone as you are in person."

"I canít believe it!" Larry says, "I have this great idea for an investigative reporting team and no one will listen to me.  If I could have five minutes with Mr. Endicott I know he would love my idea.  If I could just get past his secretary.  Well, who am I kidding?  Mr. Endicott wouldnít listen to me.  His secretary wonít listen to me.  Nobody listens to me.  What do you think I should do, Harriette?"  Harriette doesnít answer, as sheís working on the crossword puzzle again.  "Harriette?" Larry asks again.  "Oh sorry, baby, I wasnít listening," Harriette explains.  Balki appears at the top of the stairs and starts down, singing ĎGet Happy,í snapping his fingers to the tune as he descends.  When he reaches the landing above Harriette and Larry he stops and sings as he moves his hips.  At the bottom of the stairs he breaks into a full dance to the song, kicking out his legs and waving his arms, then finishes at his work table by kicking up his heels several times.

Larry approaches Balki, saying, "Balki . . . Balki . . . Balki!  If you want me to get happy, stop singing.  Now where have you been?"  "Iíve been delivering the invitations to Mr. Endicottís party," Balki explains.  "Oh boy, would I love to go to that party!" Larry sighs.  "Well, Cousin, Iím glad to hear that," Balki says as he takes a card out of his pocket and hands it to Larry, "because I need a ride."  "You got invited to the party?" Larry asks with surprise, "You donít even know the Endicotts."  "Well, Cousin, thatís not entirely true," Balki says, "Last week while I was delivering the mail I meet Mrs. Endicott and we had a very nice chat.  Um . . . I told her I was an heir to the throne of Mypos and told a few jokes and like that she invite me to the party."  Larryís eyes have opened wide.  "W . . . w . . . wait a minute.  What did you tell her?"  "I told her the one about the rabbi and the kangaroo," Balki explains, "you know, he comes in with the . . . "  "No, no, no, not the joke," Larry says, "The part about being an heir to the throne of Mypos.  You never told me you were an heir to the throne!"

"I didnít?" Balki asks.  "No, you didnít!" Larry assures him.  "Well, slap me stupid!" Balki says.  "Well, Balki, this is incredible!" Larry smiles, "Well, what are you?  First in line?  Second?  Third?"  "Nine hundred and eighty sixth," Balki answers.  "Is everyone on Mypos an heir to the throne?" Larry asks.  "Well, of course not, donít be ridiculous!" Balki scoffs, "Only the men and a few of the older women with moustaches."  "I donít suppose you got around to telling Mrs. Endicott that there were nine hundred and eighty five heirs ahead of you?" Larry asks.  "Cousin, thatís common knowledge," Balki replies.  "Right," Larry agrees, then realizes what this means, saying, "Right!  So we can go to the Endicottís for the weekend and Iíll finally get a chance to tell Mr. Endicott my idea for the paper and that will kick my career into high gear.  Balki, life is good!"  "Cousin, I told you I could make you get happy!"  Balki starts singing and dancing ĎGet Happyí again and this time Larry joins in as they dance together.

Later at the apartment, Balki is cooking in the kitchen, stirring the contents of a large pot while several other pots are simmering on the stovetop.  Larry enters a coat hanger with a plastic cover over it.  "Balki, I got a new sport coat . . . a new pair of pants," Larry announces proudly, "When I walk into that party people are going to turn and say . . . "  He stops, sniffing the air as the aroma of Balkiís cooking reaches him, " . . . whatís that smell?  Are you cooking pig snout?"  "You bet your bibbibabkas!" Balki confirms, scooping some snout out of one of the pots and taking it over to Larry on the spoon, "Cousin, Iíve got thirty gallons of pig snout ready to take to the Endicottís shindig."  He holds the spoon up to Larry, who waves it away in disgust.  "And listen," Balki continues, "when itís my turn to pick the party game Iím going to suggest bobbing for snout."  On Larryís skeptical look, Balki adds, "It happens to be a great icebreaker."

"Iím sure it is," Larry sighs, following Balki to the kitchen, stopping at the counter as Balki stands on the other side, "Uh, Balki . . . these people donít bob for pig parts.  The Endicotts are rich and the rich are not like you and me."  "Oh come on, Cousin," Balki says, "Theyíre just like everyone else.  They put their pantyhose on one leg at a time."  "One leg at a time, you think so?" Larry asks, walking into the kitchen as Balki moves to the stove to stir his snout.  "I know so!" Balki insists.  "You do?" Larry asks.  "Yes, I do."  "You do?  Balki, tell me . . . how many rich people do you know?"  Balki hems and haws as Larry asks, "How many?  How many?  How many rich people?  How many rich people do you know?"  "None," Balki admits.  "None, as in zero, as in no rich people do you know?"  "That is correct," Balki confesses.  "Well, it just so happens that I . . . have envied rich people all my life.  And I am very familiar with their customs."  Larry takes Balkiís arm to lead him to the counter again and Balki quickly turns off the burner under his pig snout.

"When they invite you into their homes you have to behave the way they expect you to behave," Larry explains, "What the Endicotts expect to see is Prince Balki, so you have to act like royalty."  "Cousin, I donít know how do that," Balki says nervously.  "Luckily, I do know how do that," Larry assures him.  "I knew you would," Balki notes as Larry takes him around the counter and sets him down on a stool.  "All right, now," Larry begins, "First of all, royalty always refer to themselves in the first person plural, never in the first person singular, always in the first person plural.  So, if someone asks you what you think of the party you would say . . . . "  "I think . . . " Balki answers.  "Wrong!" Larry snaps.  "You think?" Balki tries.  "No," Larry shakes his head.  "He, she or it thinks?" Balki asks in desperation.  "We think," Larry offers.  "We do?" Balki asks.  "Thatís right," Larry confirms.  "Whatís right?" Balki asks.  "We is right," Larry answers.  "I know we is, but what is we right about?" Balki asks.  "We is the correct word," Larry explains.

"We is?" Balki asks, not getting it.  "Now youíve got it," Larry says.  "I do?" Balki asks.  "We do!" Larry says, losing patience.  "We do?  We do what?" Balki cries in exasperation, "What are we talking about?  I donít know what youíre talking about!  Last thing I knew I was cookiní up some snout!"  "Balki, Balki, Balki . . . shhh, shhh," Larry urges, trying to get Balki to calm down, "Let me make this very simple for you.  Just use the word Ďweí instead of the word ĎI.í"  "Wait a minute," Balki says, "You mean I simply substitute the plural personal pronoun for the singular in all cases?  Why you didnít say so?"  After a long pause, Larry finally says, "My mistake.  Okay, letís try it."  He eases Balki off the stool and they step forward.  Larry says, "You arrive at the party and someone says to you, ĎOh, welcome Prince Bartkomous, so good of you to come.í  And you would say . . . ?"  "Weíre very happy to be here and we would appreciate it if one of you good people would give us a hand with our tub of snout!"  Larry looks pained as the scene ends.

The next scene takes place at the Endicottís mansion.  There is classical music playing as older and distinguished guests help themselves to the food on a long buffet table.  Other guests are milling about or sitting and talking as waiters hand out flutes of champagne.  Balki and Larry enter, Larry dressed in a sharp suit and Balki dressed in a tunic-style belted top with black pants and sandals.  "Wow, Cousin," Balki says, taking in the fancy surroundings, "King Ferdinandís whole palace would fit in here . . . and there would be plenty of room left over for his livestock."  Larry looks around and spots Mr. and Mrs. Endicott, an older couple, entering the room.  "The Endicotts are coming," Larry says, moving to Balkiís other side, "Remember . . . youíre royalty."  The couple approach them and Mrs. Endicott says, "Prince Bartokomous."  She curtsies.  Mr. Endicott bows and says, "Your Highness."  Balki is tickled by this.

"Everyone?  Attention!" Mrs. Endicott calls, clapping her hands quietly, "May I present his Highness Balki Bartokomous, Crown Prince of Mypos."  Everyone applauds nicely as Balki takes this in, saying, "Oh!  Oh, thank you!"  "Your Highness," Mr. Endicott begins, "Mrs. Endicott and I are honored by your presence in our home."  "Oh, and a lovely, lovely home it is," Balki smiles, "We were just remarking that it would be perfect for the Kingís livestock."  Mr. and Mrs. Endicott cover their reactions as Mrs. Endicott manages to say, "You are too kind!"  "Oh, go on with you!" Balki says, giving her shoulder a playful (and too rough) shove.  Seeing their reaction to this, Larry offers, "Youíll have to excuse the Prince.  When he meets someone he likes he gives them the royal . . . shove."  Mrs. Endicott laughs at this, saying, "How delightful!  I hope I donít get the royal bruise."  She pushes at him lightly and playfully, and Balki shoves her again, even harder, saying, "You nut!  Sheís crazy!"

"Your Highness, would you please excuse us?" Mrs. Endicott asks, "I see that some guests have just arrived."  "Oh, oh yes, no problem, Mrs. Endicott," Balki assures her.  "Oh no, please!  Please . . . call us Muffy . . . " she indicates herself, " . . . and Bobo," indicating Mr. Endicott.  She waves goodbye at him with a wink and walks away.  "Do make yourself at home," Mr. Endicott offers.  "Mr. Endicott, I was hoping . . . " Larry begins.  "Excuse me," Mr. Endicott says coldly and walks away.  Balki takes Larry over to the buffet table.  "Cousin, look at this . . . everybody brought food.  I knew I should have brought the pig snout."  "Well, itís too late for that now," Larry points out, then says, "Uh, Balki listen . . . uh, I really have to talk to Mr. Endicott for a couple of minutes.  Why donít you go and get something to eat?"  He points Balki to the end of the buffet table.

Balki walks to the end of the buffet line and waits.  The man in front of him realizes Balki is behind him and steps back, motioning for Balki to go ahead.  "Oh, thank you, thank you very much," Balki offers, stepping forward.  The woman ahead of him steps aside as well, motioning for Balki to go ahead of her.  "Well, my goodness!" Balki smiles, stepping past her and taking a plate, "Thank you very much."  The man ahead of him also motions for Balki to go ahead.  "Well, for heavenís sake!" Balki comments.  The woman ahead of him steps back and Balki says, "Oh, well, donít mind if I do."  The last man at the front steps back, letting Balki pass him.  "Oh, well, Iím speechless!" Balki sighs.  Larry enters from the other room and sees Balki at the head of the buffet with the line behind him around the table.

Balki picks up an olive and sets it on his plate and the entire line, which is watching him intently, does the same thing.  Balki picks up another item and sets it on his plate and they all do the same.  Balki has picked up on this now.  He takes the olive from his plate and drops it back onto the buffet table, which everyone also does.  Balki then takes the other item and throws it down onto the table as well, which the others in line do as well.  Larry watches this all in wonder and confusion.  Balki then slowly holds his plate out in front of him and then pulls it back in quickly, watching the chain reaction of the others down the line as they all do this.  Finally Balki takes the plate and swings it in a tricky manner under his arm and up toward his shoulder, a maneuver that everyone in the line tries and fails at, resulting in their plates flying in all directions, throwing food everywhere and causing the plates to fall and break.  Balki has a great laugh about this and Larry quickly leaves the room as the scene fades.

Act two begins later at the Endicottís party.  Balki is standing by the couch with his foot up on a coffee table when Mrs. Endicott approach with an older man and another younger man.  "Your Highness," Mrs. Endicott begins, "would you mind terribly if we joined you?"  "Why?  Are we coming apart?" Balki asks, then laughs at his own joke.  He clutches Mrs. Endicottís arms and shakes her slightly, moving her toward the couch and says "You!  Take a load off."  He sits on the couch next to her as the younger man sits across from them and the older man stands nearby.  "Oh Prince!" Mrs. Endicott laughs.  "Oh, stop it!" Balki scolds.  "Your Highness," the younger man begins, "Iíd be honored if youíd drop by the country club next week.  We could play a little golf."  "We love little golf," Balki says, "Weíre especially good at the windmill hole."  This breaks the fellow up, who laughs, "Oh ho ho ho, Prince, stop!"

"Tell me, your Highness," Mrs. Endicott begins as Larry enters the room and overhears, "What do you think of American women?"  "Well, we think they spend a little too much time trying to remove excess facial hair," Balki offers, then adds, "A trap weíre glad to say you didnít fall into."  Mrs. Endicott looks duly taken aback.  Larry steps in and forces a laugh to ease the situation.  "You know itís a pity the Mypiot humor doesnít translate into English," Larry offers, "Or any other language."  "Your Highness, Iíve been wondering," Mrs. Endicott asks, "why in the world would a Prince be working in the mail room of my husbandís newspaper?"  "Well, um . . . " Balki begins.  "Could I field this one for you, Prince?" Larry asks.  Balki motions for him to go ahead.  "Uh, his Highness doesnít want anyone at the Chronicle to know heís heir to the throne," Larry explains, "He came to this country to find a wife but he wants her to love him for himself, not for his wealth and power and place in history."  "That sounds like that Eddie Mumphry movie, ĎComing to America,í" the younger man points out.

Balki, who is startled at Larryís story, stands up and says, "Would you . . . excuse us?" motioning to himself, "and them?" he motions to Larry.  He takes Larry aside.  "Cousin, are you aware that you just told a big, fat lie?" Balki asks.  "I . . . Iím sorry, Balki," Larry says, "I guess Iím just so frustrated at not being able to get to Mr. Endicott that I . . . I forgot that lying was a bad thing."  "If the lying donít stop, Iím outta here!" Balki warns.  "Okay!  Itís all right, Iím better now," Larry assures him.  "You are?" Balki asks.  "Yes, I am," Larry says.  "No more lying?" Balki asks.  "No more lying," Larry insists.  "Attention, attention!" Mr. Endicott announces as he enters the room with two other men, all of them dressed in polo gear, "We need two more for polo.  Does anyone play?"  "We do!" Larry says, raising his and Balkiís hands.  Balki gives him a look of disbelief.

The next scene begins with Balki and Larry entering the same room where the party had been taking place, only the party has moved into the dining room (the doors to which are closed).  They are wearing polo outfits that are ripped, torn and dirtied, and they themselves are not much better.  They slowly walk into the room, looking pained.  "I didnít know polo would be so hard," Larry says finally.  "Cousin, think about it," Balki says seriously, "Hitting a tiny ball with a stick while riding a galloping horse at full speed is not a skill you can fake."  "I thought the horse would do more," Larry muses.  "All right, Cousin," Balki says, "the time has come for me to tell Muffy and Bobo the truth."  "If you tell the Endicotts you are not a Prince they will throw us out and I will never get a chance to talk to Mr. Endicott," Larry points out.  "Nevertheless," Balki insists, "The truth must be served."  "Canít you serve it later?" Larry asks.  "No, itís getting cold," Balki states.

Balki and Larry eye each other in a confrontational manner.  "You realize Iíll have to go now?" Balki asks.  "Yes, I know," Larry says, "You know Iíll have to stop you."  "Yes, I know," Balki nods.  Balki walks past Larry toward the dining room doors and Larry tackles him from behind, pulling him down onto the floor where they begin to wrestle.  Balki tries to crawl toward the dining room but Larry grabs him by the nose to turn him away.  "Not the nose!  Not the nose!" Balki cries until Larry lets it go, "Itís the pride of Mypos."  They continue to struggle, rolling closer to the buffet table.  Balki again tries to crawl toward the dining room and Larry, attempting to pull himself up while holding on to Balki, grabs the cloth covering the table.  As Balki crawls away, he pulls Larry who in turn pulls the cloth and all the contents of the buffet table down onto the rug.

Mr. and Mrs. Endicott, followed by their party guests, enter from the dining room and stand looking upon the scene in shock.  "Hi!" Balki and Larry offer simultaneously.  "Uh, Bobo," Balki begins, "I . . . I . . . "  Larry picks up a plum that has fallen beside him and shoves it into Balkiís mouth to keep him from talking.  Larry pushes Balki down and crawls over him as he stands up, placing a foot on Balkiís back to keep him down.  "Mr. Endicott," Larry begins, "Uh, Bobo . . . Iím so glad I ran into you.  Iíd like to tell you about a terrific idea I had for the paper.  We set up an investigative reporting unit, you know, along the lines of Woodward and Bernstein.  Iíd be happy to head up the team.  Statistics show that papers who have these teams win more Pulitzers and increase their circulation on an average of 4.63 percent.  I think itís just the thing The Chronicle needs."  "A bad idea," Mr. Endicott frowns, "I had an investigative reporting team on the last paper I owned.  They got me sued for 38 million dollars."  Balki makes a surprised kind of noise.

"What was your name again?" Mr. Endicott asks Larry.  "McGregor," Larry answers quickly, "Joe McGregor."  Larry helps Balki up and Balki tries to talk with the plum still in his mouth.  Larry pushes on Balkiís diaphragm so that the plum pops out of his mouth.  "Thatís better!" Balki announces, "Buffy, Mo Mo . . . Iím sorry about the mess."  "Oh please, donít concern yourself," Mrs. Endicott assures him, "Itís nothing!"  She looks pained, adding, "A Persian rug . . . a gift from the Aga Khan.  A small price to pay for the honor of your Highnessí company."  "Well, we gotta talk about that," Balki sighs.  "Do we really?" Larry interrupts, "Do we really?  I mean, Iíve said everything I have to say, and . . . . "  "Let it go, Joe!" Balki scolds.  Larry steps back and lets Balki proceed.  "Uh . . . Iím not the kind of royalty you think I am," Balki admits, "I am an heir to the throne of Mypos but so are all the other men on Mypos and a few of the older women with moustaches."

Everyone in the room takes a step back away from Balki and Larry.  "Oh dear, look at the time!" Mrs. Endicott says, "Why donít we all go in to dinner?"  Everyone heads to the dining room, mostly ignoring Balki and Larry.  "Well, you see, Cousin?" Balki asks as they follow behind the rest of the group, "I told the Endicottís the truth about myself and they didnít throw us out!"  The servant closes the dining room doors in Balki and Larryís faces.  Balki tries the door, then knocks, calling, "Uh . . . Bobo?"  "Balki," Larry sighs.  "Muffy?" Balki calls.  "Balki."  "Muff?" Balki calls, "Itís Balki!  You . . . you accidentally locked us out!"  "It was no accident, Balki," Larry explains as he walks away, "they meant to lock us out."  "Cousin, you mean that the Endicotts pretended to be my friends but they were not?"  "Iím sorry we ever came," Larry sighs, shaking his head, "Forget about the Endicotts, Balki.  If they donít want you as a friend, well . . . theyíre the ones who are missing out.  You have more class in your little finger than all of them put together."  "Thank you, Cousin," Balki says sincerely.

"All rich people are snobs anyway," Larry says bitterly.  "Horse apples!" replies an elderly man who stands up from the chair where heíd been sitting, "Not all rich people are snobs, just those jerks.  And what do they know?  They never worked a day in their lives."  "Wwowww!" Balki exclaims, "Imagine what theyíd have if they worked?"  "Iíve been watching you all evening," the man tells Balki, "You seem like a nice kid.  But eighty-six the royalty act.  And you," he says to Larry, "I like the idea you had for the paper."  "Well, I appreciate that," Larry says, "but uh, Bobo the clown hates it.  What does it matter what we think?"  "Oh, it doesnít matter what you think," the man agrees, "It matters what I think.  Iím Bobo Sr."  Larryís eyes open wide and he stammers, "Youíre Bo bo bo bo bo . . . youíre Bo bo bo bo bo bo bo . . . . "  "Cousin, this really is no time for your Bing Crosby imitation," Balki stops him.  "I still own controlling interest in the paper," Bobo Sr. explains, "and I think that your idea about the investigative reporting team isnít half bad."

"You like it?" Larry asks, "Did you hear that, Balki?  He likes it!  You mean I can head up the team?"  "No, thatís the half that was bad," Bobo Sr. states, "We need somebody thatís more experienced.  But donít worry . . . youíll get your chance to be on the team.  I never forget a name, Joe McGregor."  "Appleton," Larry quickly corrects, "Uh, my name is actually Larry Appleton.  Joe McGregor is just a . . . nickname."  "Itís a stupid nickname," Bobo Sr. says, "Almost as stupid as Bobo.  Skippy, now thatís a nickname!"  He walks past Balki and Larry to the dining room doors and knocks.  "Open up!  Itís Big Bobo!"  The doors open immediately and he walks into the dining room.  The servant eyes Balki and Larry for a moment and closes the doors again.  "Well, there you go, Cousin," Balki says, hooking an arm around Larryís shoulders, "All rich people are not snobs.  Big Bobo was very nice to us."  "He didnít invite us in to dinner," Larry notes.  "Well, donít you worry about that!" Balki says, "Iíve got thirty gallons of pig snout at home with your name on it!"  On Larryís look of disgust the show ends.


Script Variations:
There are only a few variations between the second draft script dated October 19, 1988 and the aired episode:
In this draft the young snob is identified as Fletcher Christian, who in history was the master's mate on the HMS Bounty and led the mutiny on same said ship.
- When Larry is hung up on while talking on the phone, Harriette says, "Let me give you a tip.  Never go into phone sales.""
- Instead of singing "Get Happy" Balki is introduced as singing "Zip-a-dee-doo-dah."  He sings the last lyrics like this: "Mr. Blue Bird on my shoulder . . . "  Then pauses and looks at his shoulder seriously, saying, "Mr. Blue Bird, why you do that on my shoulder?"
- Larry asks Balki why he is always up when he's always down.  "That's because I'm always up and you're always down," Balki explains.  Larry asks, "Where have you been?  I have no one to listen to my complaints."  Larry says he would kill to get an invitation to the Endicott's party.  "No need to commit a felony, you can go with me," Balki says.
- After Larry realizes he can go to the Endicott's party with Balki he comments, "Right.  We'll go to the Endicott's for the weekend.  We'll eat.  We'll laugh.  Then I'll suggest an idea to Mr. Endicott that will make him rich and my famous.  Balki, life is good."  "Yes, Cousin, it's a Zip-a-dee-doo-dah say," Balki replies, and Balki walks back up the stairs with a tray of mail while singing.  Larry smiles and sings, "Yes!  Yes!"  Then he comes face to face with Harriette.  "What!  What!" Larry asks.  "If those snobs find out he's not who they think he is, they'll throw him out on his royal behind."  "Well, I guess I'll have to make sure that they don't," Larry says, and starts singing Zip-a-dee-doo-dah.
- At the apartment, Larry says, "Balki, this party isn't like any of the parties we usually go to.  These people don't bob for pig parts, they're in the Fortune 500."  "Oh, I love the Fortune 500," Balki says, then, "Gentlemen, start your engines."  "That's the Indianapolis 500," Larry explains.
- After Larry says he's envied rich people all his life, he says, "I'm very familiar with their customs.  When you're invited to their homes you have to behave the way they expect you to."  "Don't they just expect me to be myself?" Balki asks.  "They're rich," Larry explains impatiently, "They don't expect anyone to be themselves."
- When Larry is trying to explain to Balki about using "we" instead of "I" it's Larry who gets all bent out of shape.  "Just refer to yourself as we.  Okay?" Larry says.  "We got it, Cousin," Balki calms him, "Take an attitude adjustment."  Larry then says, "Alright, now when you're greeting large groups of people, you must be very imposing, very regal.  That's when the royal wave comes in."  Larry does the royal wave and Balki imitates him.  "Perfect," Larry approves, "Now, let's see your entrance.  'Ladies and gentlemen, Prince Bartokomous of Mypos.'"  "Hi, everybody," Balki says, "Could someone give us a hand with a tub of snout?"  In this version of the script the commercial break is scheduled to come here.
- At the party, Balki enters wearing a hat.  The butler asks to take it.  "Your hat, sir?"  "Yes, it is," Balki confirms, "Do you like it?"  "He wants to take your hat," Larry explains.  "Oh, I can't give him my hat, Cousin," Balki says, "My Mama gave it to me."  "He'll give it back to you when we leave," Larry assures him.  "How will he know which one is mine?" Balki asks, "It's a very popular model."  "Give him the hat.  Give him the hat," Larry insists.
- When Mrs. Endicott curtsies to Balki he curtsies back.  They each do this several times until Larry stops Balki.  "Thank you, Cousin," Balki offers, "We were getting nauseous."  After Mrs. Endicott introduces Balki, Balki in turn says, "Thank you.  May we introduce our American Cousin, Cousin Larry."  Everyone goes back to their conversations.  "Thank you," Larry says in embarrassment.
- After Larry encourages Balki to get something to eat at the buffet table, Balki notices that everyone is looking at him and so he puts his plate down and goes to Larry, who is trying to make his way into a group that includes Mr. Endicott.  "So, I closed the factory down and laid them all off," Mr. Endicott finishes a story and the man all laugh, as well as Larry.  "That reminds me of a great idea I have . . . " Larry begins until Balki taps him on the shoulder.  "Cousin, I need to talk to you."  "Balki, not now.  Go get something to eat," Larry urges.  "Well, I got a problem with that.  Everyone is staring at me," Balki explains.  "Of course they're staring at you.  You are royalty," Larry reminds him, "They won't eat until you do.  Just go back to the table and start eating."
- In the paragraph which explains the way the guests are following Balki's every move at the buffet table, Paula Roth writes the direction "Balki does a move with his plate."  After this, in parenthesis, she adds (See writers.  Really we have something.)
- In the scene when Mrs. Endicott and two guests join Balki the scene begins with Balki telling the end of the rabbi and the kangaroo joke to a couple.  "So the rabbi says to the kangaroo, 'Don't look at me, you're the one with the pouch.'"  Balki laughs at his own joke and the couple looks confused and walk away.  If you watch the beginning of this scene in the show you can tell this was, or a variation of it, was filmed because the couple is walking away and Balki is laughing to himself when Mrs. Endicott approaches.
- Instead of talking about facial hair, Balki answers Mrs. Endicott's question on what he thinks of American women with, "We think they spend too much time trying to cover up their age lines instead of taking pride in them as you do."
- After Larry tells everyone the lie about Balki coming to America to seek a bride who will love him for himself, Mrs. Endicott brags, "I told you it was something like that."  Fletcher then comments that it sounds like that Eddie Mumphry movie, 'Coming to America' to which Larry replies, "Where do you think they go the idea?"
- When Balki confronts Larry about lying he says, "Cousin, you told me all I had to do was act royal.  You didn't say anything about lying."  He later comments, "Cousin, I think your moral fibers have snapped."
- After Balki and Larry come back in from playing polo, looking disheveled and torn up, Balki angrily says, "Well, I hope you're happy."  "No, I am not happy," Larry answers.  "Well, maybe you wouldn't be so unhappy if you hadn't lied so much.  'Oh yes, Mr. Endicott, Prince Balki loves polo.  He's a world class player.'"
- Balki announces the lying is over  "You're right," Larry agrees, "Tell you what.  I'll talk to Mr. Endicott for say five minutes and then you'll have the rest of the weekend to tell him whatever you want."  "Cousin, you've given Muffy and Bobo the wrong impression of me and I need to set them straight."  "Muffy and Bobo?" Larry asks.  "Mr. and Mrs. Endicott," Balki explains, "They said I should call them by their first names because we are becoming good friends."  "Balki, Muffy and Bobo are not your friends," Larry says, "If you tell them you aren't a prince, they'll throw us out."  "I see," Balki replies, "You think the only reason they invited me into their nice home is because they think I'm a prince.  Well, you're wrong and I'll prove it."  This is when Balki and Larry start wrestling with one another.
- After Balki reveals the number he is in line for the throne, Mrs. Endicott says, "You mean to say you have accepted my hospitality, ridden my husband's favorite polo pony ad now you have the unmitigated gaul to reveal you're a (DISTASTEFUL) 'common' person?"  "Well, if I've unmitigated my gaul it's probably because of the spicy food," Balki replies, "and as far as being a common person is concerned, I'm not one to brag, but I like to think that I'm as common as they come."  This is when everyone takes a step back from them.
- When Larry tells Balki that the Endicotts locked them out on purpose, Balki is shocked.  "I just don't understand why the Endicotts pretended to be my friends when they weren't."  "Balki, I'm sorry," Larry sighs, "I shouldn't have let you come here under false pretenses.  I thought if I could keep you from telling the truth, I'd have a chance to talk to Mr. Endicott."  "You mean, they didn't invite me because they liked my jokes?" Balki asks.  "Balki, the Endicotts are snobs," Larry explains, "The only people they want in their homes are rich or famous or royalty.  That's why I didn't want them to know you weren't a real prince."  "I wish you had told me this earlier," Balki says, "I wouldn't have come to this party."  "I know," Larry says, "That's why I didn't tell you."  "Cousin, you used me like cheap cologne," Balki says.  "I don't know what that means, but I'm sorry," Larry replies, "I just hope you can forgive me."  "I guess I could forgive you," Balki notes, "I'm getting very good at it."
- At the end, Bobo Sr. goes into the dining room and Balki tries the doors again, saying, "I'm not leaving until I get my hat."  The doors open and someone throws the hat out.

Continue on to the next episode . . .