Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 58 - College Bound (aka Wrap Around)

First Air Date: December 9, 1988
Nielsen Rating: 13.7 HH

TV Guide Description: While Balki takes his college-entrance exams, Larry and friends prepare a surprise party and reminisce (via clips from past episodes) about Balki's introduction to life in America.

Co-Producer: James OíKeefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: William Bickley & Michael Warren & Paula A. Roth
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne
Belita Moreno: Miss Lydia Markham

Guest Cast:
Jo Marie Payton-France: Harriette Winslow

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri can be seen on the bookcase wearing a black graduation cap and gown.

Balki-isms:
"Before you sing ĎFor Heís a Jolly Good Feloní . . . "

Donít be ridiculous: Not said in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Oh, right."

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Harriette and Lydia argue with one another
Mary Anne says something incredibly complex in an odd context
The Dance of Joy

Notable Moment: Balki passes his college entrance examinations

Songs: "For Heís a Jolly Good Fellow" - everyone starts to sing this to Balki after learning he has passed his exams

Interesting facts:
-
According to the shooting script, the episode is titled "College Bound" but was also known as "Wrap Around."
-
This is the only flashback episode of the series.  It was done in part because of the ear infection Bronson developed during the filming of the previous episode.  Because he could not get back to Los Angeles from New York for the showís filming they did this flashback episode and shot Bronsonís final scene at a later time.
- When Bronson enters at the end of the episode he is wearing a sweatshirt with the phrase "Be a Winner.  Dial College" on the front.  The logo below the saying is that of the actual City Colleges of Chicago.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
-
There is a basic concept flaw in this episode in the fact that Jennifer and Lydia are both telling stories from accounts told to them by Balki.  But would Balki tells the stories in a way that would really make Larry look bad?  Or were they able to deduce Larry's foolishness even from Balki's positive accounts?


Synopsis:
The episode begins in Balki and Larryís apartment, which is decorated with banners and balloons.  A banner that reads "Congratulations Balki" is under the kitchen counter.  Jennifer and Mary Anne are arranging hors díouvres on trays on the counter.  Harriette is at the dining table pouring soda into a punch bowl.  Lydia approaches from the kitchen with a container of ice cream and is about to scoop some into the bowl as well.  "What are you doing?" Harriette asks quickly.  "Iím gonna put ice cream in the punch," Lydia explains.  "You donít put it in now!" Harriette scolds, "Itís gonna melt before Balki gets here."  "Well, youíre putting the soda in," Lydia points out.  "Soda doesnít melt," Harriette explains, "Donít you know anything about making punch?"  "Oh, I can make a punch!" Lydia threatens, curling her fist at Harriette, who stands in defiance.

Larry is standing by the fireplace, looking worried.  He crosses the room to the girls.  "Maybe I should have gone down to the school with Balki," he sighs, "He was so nervous."  "Larry, you canít take his entrance exam for him," Jennifer explains, carrying a tray of snacks to the coffee table, "Itís just one of those things he has to do on his own."  "But getting into college is so important to Balki," Larry continues.  He sees the girls have sat down on the couch and so he sits as well.  "Gosh, Balki going to college," Mary Anne thinks aloud, "It seems like he just graduated from high school."  "He did just graduate from high school," Jennifer reminds Mary Anne.  "Oh, right," Mary Anne says as everyone looks at her.  "You know," she continues, "I donít know what the big deal is about college.  I went to college and other than learning how complex hydro carbons are broken down to make glyceride I didnít get a thing out of it."  "Balki going to college," Larry sighs thoughtfully, "I canít believe heís come so far so fast.  If you had seen him when he first walked through my door you wouldnít have thought he was college material."  The picture gets wavy as we melt into a flashback:

First Flashback from Knock Knock . . . Whoís There?

Larry opens the front door to find Balki, who looks somewhat out of place standing there.  Balki refers to a slip of paper and asks "Am I looking up Larry Appleton?"  "Larry Appleton, that's me," Larry smiles.  Balki is overjoyed, launching through the door and hugging Larry in glee, crying "Larry, Larry, Larry!  I look everywhere for you!  I walk the streets, I search the alleys, I say to everyone, 'Have you seen Larry?'  You don't know how many people have never heard of you!  But now I find you and I'm safe, I'm safe, I'm safe!"  He hugs a surprised Larry again.  "Yes, yes," Larry agrees, "Now you're safe!  Who are you?" "I am Balki Bartokomous!  Philo, my fifth cousin three times removed is the step-uncle to your father on my motherís side, two continents removed."  "I see, so weíre sort of related by rumor," Larry quips, still stunned Balki looks around Larry's apartment, hardly able to contain his joy.  "America!" he sighs, "Land of my dreams, home of the Whopper."

The scene dissolves back to the present day where Harriette and Lydia have joined the others.  "You mean thatís why you two got to be roommates," Harriette comments, "Balki just showed up on your doorstep one day?"  "Yep," Larry confirms, "He was a real babe in the woods.  Yeah, if I hadnít taken him under my wing thereís no telling what would have happened to him.  He had no experience with women.  I had to teach him everything."  "You know, Balki told me about the time you took him to that singleís bar," Jennifer says to Larry.  "He did?" Larry asks with surprise. Jennifer nods.  "Uh, the way Balki tells it you were both babes in the woods."  Jennifer leans over to share the story as the scene dissolves again, saying, "See, Larry took Balki to a singleís bar to meet women . . . . "

Second Flashback from First Date

Balki and Larry enter the singleís bar and Balki immediately starts moving to the music.  "So, this is one of your American mating places," Balki notes.  "Meeting, a meeting place," Larry corrects him quickly, "People meet each other here.  They mate somewhere else."  Larry then says, "Go slow, take it easy.  Be cool."  They head for the bar as Balki assures Larry, "I know how to be cool!"  Balki walks with a loose gait as he veers away from Larry and approaches two women at a table, remarking to one of them, "Hey Mamo, you be gettin' down wid you bad self!"  Larry rushes over and grabs Balki, pulling him over to the bar quickly where they sit down.  "All right, let's get this over with so I can go home," Larry sighs, "Now the first thing is what we call eye contact."  "Eye contact," Balki repeats, "Like the Three Stooges?"  Balki motions a classic Stooges eye poke bit at an non-amused Larry.  "All right, I'm gone, I'm outta here," Larry states, turning to leave.  "No no, Cousin, Cousin!" Balki stops him, pulling him back.

"Okay, okay," Larry agrees, sitting back down, "Look, for safety's sake we had better define eye contact.  You look . . . you look . . . into a woman's eyes from across the room, and if she looks back, you know, you kind of hold the look . . . that's eye contact."  "Like that woman is looking at you?" Balki asks, spotting a woman on the other side of the bar.  "What woman?" Larry asks.  Balki raises his left hand to point across the bar and Larry grabs it, pushing it down.  Balki then points with his right hand and Larry grabs that and pushes it down as well.  "Don't point!" Larry insists.  Balki then points her out with his nose.  Larry ventures a look and sees the woman is indeed looking and smiling at him.  Larry looks embarrassed then continues, "After you've made eye contact you work your way over to the woman and you use your opening line.  Something like, uh . . . do you come here often? . . . can I buy you a drink? . . . didn't we meet in the Oval office?  Things like that."  "Can I try it?" Balki asks excitedly.  "Oh . . . oh . . . okay," Larry agrees nervously.

Balki prepares himself them starts scanning the room with his eyes.  He makes eye contact with a shy-looking blonde at the end of the bar.  She smiles back at him.  "I have made eye contact," Balki informs Larry.  "Oh boy!" Larry says, still worried.  "Can I try my opening line?" Balki asks.  "All right, go ahead," Larry says, "Just, uh . . . don't tell her you know me."  Balki walks around to the woman, leaning over her shoulder to say, "Hello.  Do you come here often?"  The woman sighs, "No."  "Would you smother me with your beautiful American body?" Balki asks, slumping down slowly as if to drop to his knees.  Larry leaps from his barstool and runs to Balki, grabbing him to hold him up.  "Excuse us!" Larry offers, pushing Balki back to his barstool, then turning on Balki to say, "You were one step away from throwing yourself at that woman's feet, weren't you?"  "Old habits die hard," Balki admits, "Why don't you show me, Cousin Larry, you're the expert!"  "Look . . . look, I . . . I just don't like these places," Larry stammers, "and besides, I'm . . . I'm more of a kind of a uh, talking expert than a, uh . . . uh . . . I really don't want to meet anyone!"

Balki looks across the bar and notes, "That woman is still looking at you."  "She is?" Larry asks, looking away.  Balki follows her eyes and confirms, "Yes, she is."  Larry slowly looks up at her and sees she is smiling at him.  "Oh my God, she is!" Larry says, looking down again.  "Go ahead and get her, you love devil!" Balki encourages.  Larry looks at her hopefully, then says, "All right.  This is a little faster than I usually like to operate.  I'm only doing this for you!"  Balki nods his thank you and Larry gets off his stool and casually starts to make his way around the bar.  As he suavely makes his way to the other end of the bar we can see that the woman Balki had talked to has walked down to his end of the bar and is seated in Larry's place, talking to Balki.  Larry sidles into the barstool next to the woman who has been eyeing him and begins, "So . . . . "  He is immediately grabbed by the throat by a huge man who was sitting at a nearby table.  "Hey, pal . . . that's my girlfriend!" he says, dragging Larry out of the bar.  Larry tries to call to Balki for help but can't yell out with his throat constricted.  Balki is too busy talking to the blonde to see Larry being pulled out the front door.

Dissolving back to the present day everyone is laughing at Jenniferís story, especially Harriette.  "Boy, I wish I couldíve seen that!  Iím a sucker for a cheap laugh!" Harriette howls.  "You know, I donít mean to split hairs here but that is not at all the way I remember it," Larry insists.  Lydia walks over from the fireplace to sit on the arm of Harrietteís chair as she asks, "Well, did the guy beat you up or not?"  Larry hesitates, stammering, "W . . . well . . . beat up is such a strong term."  "Sounds like he got his butt kicked!" Harriette laughs and everyone joins in.  "Look, there have been countless times that Balki has needed me and I have been there for him," Larry defends himself, saying, "For instance the time he invited his friend Gina to stay with us while her husband was out of town."  "Gina, isnít she the one who had her baby while she was staying with you?" Jennifer asks.  "Yes!  In the middle of the night!" Larry confirms, "And if I had not been there with one of my foolproof plans . . . well, there is no telling what would have happened."  "Thatís interesting," Lydia says, "the way I heard it your plans sort of fell apart."  "Well . . . " Larry begins.  "Larry had rehearsed everything using a stopwatch," Lydia continues as the scene dissolves once again, "so he . . . . "

Third Flashback from Hello, Baby

Pregnant Gina waddles to the sofabed where Balki and Larry are both asleep.  "Balki, itís time," Gina says gently, shaking Balki awake.  Balki looks up, asking, "Gina?  Itís time?"  "Yes!" Gina answers.  "Ah Gina, how exciting!" Balki says, getting up, "A little baby!"  Larry stirs slowly, barely opening his eyes.  Dimitri is in his arms.  "Mmm?  Why is the light on?"  "The babyís coming, Larry," Gina answers.  "What baby?" Larry mumbles, "Who are you?  Why am I holding a sheep?"  "He doesnít wake up well," Balki tells Gina, then he leans down toward Larry, "Cousin, itís Gina.  Remember the plan?"  Larry awakes in an instant now.  "The plan?  Yes, of course I remember the plan.  Itís my plan!" Larry assures them, "All right.  No need to worry.  First babies take a long time."  "Oh well, Larry, Iíve been in labor a long time," Gina informs him.  "Why didnít you tell us?" Larry asks.  "Well, I didnít want to bother you, you were up so late," Gina explains.

Larry leaps up out of bed.  "All right!  Donít panic!"  He clicks the stopwatch in his hand and shouts, "Go!"  He turns and runs straight into the end table, knocking all the books to the floor and almost upsetting the lamp, which he hangs onto and fumbles with.  Balki walks to the phone and asks, "Are you all right?" as Larry reaches him.  "Yes, yes Iím okay," Larry insists, "What are you doing?"  "Calling the hospital," Balki explains, dialing and waiting for an answer.  "Calling the hospital is my job, you get the suitcase!" Larry insists, snatching the receiver away from Balki and dialing madly.  "But . . . I called the hospital last time," Balki reminds him.  "Look, I gave you a chance to prove you were a good communicator and what did you say?  ĎHello, hospital.  Baby is coming!í  Cavemen are more articulate!" Larry motions for Balki to go to the closet to get the suitcase.  "Could you please hurry?" Gina begs, then she bends over and cries out in pain.  Startled by this, Larry says into the receiver, "Hello, hospital?  The baby is coming!"  Larry hangs up and stands, looking confused.

"Brilliant!" Balki offers.  "I forgot to tell them who I was!" Larry realizes, picking up the receiver again.  "Oh, Larry Larry thereís no time," Gina insists, "We get to the hospital, they probably figure out why Iím there."  She opens the door and walks out into the hall.  "Good thinking," Larry agrees as Balki throws their coats to him and he in turn throws them out the door into Ginaís arms, "Okay, all right . . . no need to panic . . . everything is under control."  Balki picks up the suitcase and heads out after Gina as Larry takes the map thatís taped up to the door and says, "All right, I get the map and we are gone . . . "  He steps into the doorway and stops the stopwatch, eyeing the time before crying triumphantly, "Yes!"  Larry throws the stopwatch onto the nearby table and hurries out the door, closing it behind him.  A moment later the door bursts open again and Larry dashes in frantically, followed by a very calm Balki who walks to the closet.  "My keys!  My keys!  Where are my keys?" Larry cries.  "Theyíre in your pants," Balki answers calmly.  "Where are my pants?  Where are my pants?" Larry cries.  "Theyíre in the closet," Balki answers.  "Whereís the closet?  Whereís the closet?" Larry yells, running around the apartment, "Okay, look look . . . we canít get to the hospital without my keys!"  "Cousin . . . " Balki tries to calm Larry.

"Donít ĎCousiní me now!" Larry snaps as he starts throwing things around in a mad search for his keys, crying, "Look, look . . . I donít have my keys, I donít have my pants, I canít do this!  She will just have to have the baby at some other time!"  He wheels on Balki, screaming, "Why donít you help me?"  Balki holds up Larryís car keys, making Larry look angry.  "Oh!  Oh, I see!" Larry pants, "Youíre trying to make me look bad in front of Gina."  He motions behind him to no one and realizes it.  "Where is Gina?  Where is the mother?  We canít do this without the mother!"  Larry stands panting and gasping in front of Balki, who says, "Cousin . . . some day you forgive me for this."  Balki slaps Larry across the face and Larry looks stunned.  Balki looks shocked as well, then tentatively asks, "Feel better?"  "No!" Larry answers honestly.  "Can we go have a baby now?" Balki asks.  "Okay," Larry nods, "Iíll follow you."  Balki walks past him to the door and Larry asks, "Where are you going?"  "To the hospital," Balki explains.  "Right!  Yes!" Larry agrees, stepping out the door and saying, "Gina!  There you are!  Thank God!"  Balki closes the door behind them and the scene fades to black.

Act two begins at the apartment with everyone still reminiscing.  Larry looks uncomfortable as everyone laughs at his expense.  "You know, Iím a little worried about Balki," Jennifer says, "Shouldnít he be finished with his exam by now?"  "What if he sat down to take the test and froze up?" Lydia speculates, "What if his mind went blank and he couldnít remember a thing?  What if he got dizzy and the room started spinning and he started hy . . . hyperventilating . . . . "  Lydia is carried away by her description.  "You mean like what happens to you when you sit down to write your advice column?" Harriette asks.  Lydia stands up angrily.  "All right . . . all right . . . Iím just not gonna talk any more.  That way no one can make fun of me."  Lydia walks to the chair opposite Harriette and sits down in a huff.  "Ladies, ladies," Larry pleads, "Weíre all a little edgy because weíre worried about Balki.  Maybe I should have gone down there with him.  He always needs me to get through these pressure situations.  If I wasnít there to help him he wouldnít have gotten through his first day of work."  "Wait a minute," Harriette stops Larry, "I was there.  And I wouldnít call what you did help.  Now Gorpley was looking for a reason to fire Balki, and Larry was trying to write his first article for the newspaper, when all of a sudden . . . . "  The scene dissolves again.

Fourth Flashback from All the News That Fits

Mr. Gorpley exits his office and calls Balki over, asking "You finished?"  "Yes yes yes, I finished," Balki confirms.  "This is all of Ďem?" Gorpley asks incredulously.  "Yes, Iím sorry it take so long but I thought that I would alphabeticalize them," Balki explains. "Is that okay?"  "You think youíre pretty smart, donít you?" Gorpley asks.  "Well, Iím no Sam Donaldson, but . . . " Balki shrugs humbly.  "Weíll see how smart you are," Gorpley smirks, holding up a paper.  "I need one hundred copies of this flyer.  Youíve got ten minutes."  "Oh but guess what," Balki says, "The copy machine is broke."  "Hey, relax! Iím looking out for ya!" Gorpley says smoothly, "You can use the mimeograph machine.  See, I even got your stencil all ready to go.  Ten minutes, Bartokomous . . . and if you canít do the job, I know someone who can!"  He gives Balki a phony smile as he walks up the stairs.

Larry, whoís working on his article, asks, "Balki, you need help with the mimeograph machine?"  "Oh, no no, Cousin," Balki assures him.  "Good," Larry sighs, continuing his work.  "Just . . . point it out to me," Balki admits.  Larry gets the machine from behind the stairs, saying, "Back here . . . look here.  Just wheel it out to your table and Iíll plug it in."  Balki wheels the machine toward his table as Larry takes the cord and moves the opposite direction to plug it in, but the cord is too short and Larry ends up getting pulled down to the ground when Balki wheels the machine too far and too fast.  Balki wheels the huge machine back to where Larry can plug it in and Larry tells Balki, "All right, get the stencil."  Balki brings the stencil and Larry says, "Okay, get the paper."  Balki gets some paper and hurries back.  "Okay," Larry says, having placed the stencil in the machine, "Stencilís on . . . paper goes in here . . . and you turn it on here.  Get it?" Larry asks.  "Got it!" Balki answers.  "Good," Larry finishes and goes back to his desk.  Larry starts typing on his article as Balki turns on the mimeograph machine and the copies start flying out loosely onto the floor as Balki tries to catch them.  After a moment the papers stop coming out and Balki is flustered, not understanding why itís stopped working.  "Howís it goiní, Balki?" Larry asks without looking.  "Oh, itís going fine!" Balki lies, "Just dandy.  You just finish your article."

Finally Balki stops the machine and Larry looks around, seeing Balki is having trouble.  "Balki!" Larry says in shock, getting up to help.  "No no no!  No problem!  No problem, Cousin!" Balki insists.  Mr. Burns appears at the top of the stairs, calling out "Applebee!"  "Uh, yes sir!" Larry answers, moving back toward his desk.  "I need that article in five minutes!" Mr. Burns announces.  "Yes, thatís Appleton, sir!  Appleton!" Larry calls, torn between sitting at his desk and going back to help Balki.  "All right," Larry finally decides and walks over to Balki to help.  "Cousin, no, you have to do your article!" Balki pushes Larry back to his desk, saying he has to do his article.  "Balki, look, I can do this in just a minute," Larry pushes Balki back over to the mimeograph.  "But you only have five minutes!" Balki pushes Larry back to his desk again.  Larry ends up pushing Balki aside and goes to the machine.  "All right, look, hereís the problem," Larry explains, "You got all these papers jammed under the drum here."  The machine starts running again but the papers are still flying out onto the floor.  "Get the basket!" Larry tells Balki.  "The basket?" Balki asks.  "The paper basket!" Larry explains.  "The paper basket," Balki repeats, hurrying off to get it.  Larry makes some adjustments to the mimeograph and turns it on again, not realizing that his tie is now in the drum.  When he turns the machine on it pulls his tie in, pulling Larry down toward the machine and trapping him.

Balki runs back and eyes the situation in shock.  "Cousin!  Itís alive!  And itís hungry!" he cries.  "Turn it off!  Turn it off!" Larry yells, but Balki canít get the machine to shut off.  Balki grabs Larry by the neck and tries pulling him out of the machine, then when that doesnít work he grabs Larryís head and then his ears and keeps pulling.  Larry cries "The plug!" repeatedly to Balki, finally grabbing Balki by the hair and insisting, "The plug!"  Balki cries ow and when Larry releases him runs over and pulls the machineís plug out of the wall, shouting, "I did it!"  The machine releases its grip but still has the end of Larryís tie in the drum.  The elevator door opens and Mr. Burns steps out, calling "Appleton!  Where is the story?"  Unable to move away from the machine, Larry explains, "Mr. Burns, something came up and I still have a bit of polishing to do."  In an attempt to help, Balki grabs a pair of scissors and without a word cuts Larryís tie in half, freeing him.  "This is news, not silverware!" Mr. Burns cries, "I need a story!"  Balki runs to Larry desk and picks up one of the wrinkled paper lying there and hands it to Mr. Burns.  "Mr. Burns, it was my fault," Balki says, "I accidentally threw his article away but I just found it."  "Well, actually, thatís not the final final version, if I could just have a . . . . "  Mr. Burns reads it and stops Larry, saying "Itís pretty good."  "Well, Mr. Burns, if I could only . . . pretty good?" Larry asks happily.  "Iíd say for your first assignment itís pretty good," Mr. Burns smiles, then says, "See you on Monday, Appleton!  Then maybe you can explain to me why you were trying to mimeograph your tie!"

The scene dissolves back to the living room and everyone except Larry is laughing at this latest story.  "Okay, okay.  All right," Larry says, "That particular time Balki was more help to me than I was to him.  But that was an exception.  More often than not he wouldnít know what to do unless I led him by the hand.  Come on!  You guys know that!  I mean, why do I feel like Iím defending myself?  Think of all the times that if I wasnít there he wouldnít know what to do."  Everyone thinks hard but they all remain silent.  "Jennifer, you can think of something!" Larry urges.  "Oh, of course I can," she agrees, and she thinks but also doesnít come up with anything.  "Harriette?" Larry asks desperately.  "I got nothiní, baby," Harriette assures him.  "Lydia?" Larry asks.  "Iím not saying anything," Lydia says, "I donít want to open myself to insults."  "Iíve got one!" Mary Anne announces.  "There!  You see?" Larry says happily.  "I remember the time you taught Balki all about plumbing!" Mary Anne says.  Larry looks worried as Mary Anne begins the story.  "You see, Jennifer and I were out of town and Larry offered to fix our shower . . . and so he and Balki went up there while we were gone . . . . "  The scene dissolves into flashback once more.

Fifth Flashback from Pipe Dreams

We see Balki and Larry sitting on the edge of the tub in the girlsí now-demolished bathroom.  "Boy Cousin . . . this place looks like the Ty-D-Bol Man went berserk."  "You want to make an omelette, you have to break some eggs," Larry comments, "A few cans of spackle and youíll never know weíve been here."  Balki eyes the walls again and then gazes at Larry in wonder, remarking, "Boy, this spackle must be amazing stuff!"  "Yes, it is," Larry answers.  "Well, what do you say we button this job up?" Larry asks as he stands up, "Jennifer and Mary Anne will be back tonight!"  As they stand, Balki finds a very long pipe with a valve on it lying on the floor.  "Cousin . . . where does this go?" Balki and Larry both look at the shower and tub then turn back to the pipe.  "Trash," Larry finally answers.  Balki tosses the pipe aside with a loud clank.  "Well, I think weíre ready to test this baby," Larry announces, and they turn to the shower, which Larry turns on.  There is the growing sound of water building up in the pipe and then the shower head flies off the pipe riding on a spray of water and flies across the bathroom to crash into the mirror above the sink, shattering it and sending water shooting all over the mirror and sink.

Larry and Balki share a look, then Larry tries to turn off the water but both of the faucets come off in his hands.  "Itís broken!" Larry cries.  "Nooooo!" Balki says sarcastically.  Larry tosses the faucets aside and he and Balki jump into the tub and try to hold the water coming out of the pipe back with their hands.  Suddenly the faucets burst off the sink and water spurts out of the two openings.  "Well, do something!" Larry cries to Balki.  Balki runs over to the sink and sticks his fingers into the holes to stop the water.  Water then bursts out of the toilet in a geyser.  "Donít look at me!" Balki cries.  "Find the turnoff valve!" Larry cries.  "I think itís underneath the sink!" Balki calls.  "Then turn it off!" Larry yells, "Turn it off!"  Balki is trying to pull his fingers out of the faucet holes but theyíre stuck.  "Cousin, I canít, my fingers are stuck!" Balki cries, "Go on without me, Cousin, save yourself!"  Larry releases the shower pipe, which then squirts Balki on the back as Larry hurries over to help him pull his fingers out of the faucet holes.  Having done this, Larry sits Balki down on the toilet, which is still spraying water (much to Balkiís apparent pleasure).  Larry then moves Balki to sit on the edge of the tub as he opens the doors of the cabinet beneath the sink and they are soaked with the cascade of water which comes out.  Larry reaches underneath and finally manages to turn off the water.  The cousins sit in the flooded bathroom, exhausted and shocked, debris floating everywhere.  "Well . . . . " Larry finally sighs.

The scene dissolves back to the living room where Mary Anne looks guilty.  "Maybe that wasnít a good example," she admits.  "I guess Iím wrong," Larry sighs, "I havenít been helping Balki.  Iíve been holding him back."  Larryís eyes widen.  "Oh my God!  I helped him study for his entrance exam!  He probably went down there and failed all because of me.  I should get out of his life."  The door suddenly bursts open and Balki runs in, wearing a yellow cap and blue sweatshirt.  He cries, "Look at me!  Iím a college man!" before throwing the cap into the air.  Everyone gets up and runs to the door to greet him.  Larry prompts everyone to start singing "For Heís a Jolly Good Fellow" but Balki stops them before they really get started.  "Wait wait wait!" Balki urges, "Before you sing ĎFor Heís a Jolly Good Feloní thereís something I want to say.  Like so many other things that have happened to me since I come to this country, I couldnít have done this without my Cousin Larry."

"Really?" Larry asks happily.  "Well, yes!" Balki assures him.  "Did you hear that?" Larry asks, "He couldnít have done it without me.  What was it?  The coaching I gave you on the language section?"  "Well . . . "  "Or the work I did with you on the math drills?"  "Well . . . "  "Or the mnemonic coding I gave you to remember the history dates?"  "Well, those were all great," Balki admits, "but I was referring to the fact that you loaned me your pencil."  Balki holds up a pencil.  Larry looks stunned until Balki says, "Oh come on, Cousin!  Iím just kidding.  Thatís college humor."  Balki hands his books to Harriette and grabs Larryís arms.  "Cousin, what do you say?  Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy!"  They launch into the Dance of Joy, finishing with Larry in Balkiís arms and everyone applauding them.


Script Variations:
There are a few differences between the shooting script dated November 18, 1988 and the final version:
After Mary Anne says it seems that Balki just graduated from high school, Jennifer says, "He did just graduate from high school.  That's what you do.  You graduate from high school then you go to college."  Mary Anne then says "Oh, right" and makes her comment about learning how complex hydro carbons are broken down to make glycerides, to which Jennifer explains to Larry, "She was part of a chemistry experiment in college."
- Instead of saying, "I'm a sucker for a cheap laugh," Harriette's line after the single's bar story was "Talk about the blind leading the blind."
- After Lydia refuses to talk because she doesn't want to "open myself to insults," Harriette quips, "Honey, you're a revolving door to insults."
- When Balki runs in the front door he says, "Look at me.  I'm a college man.  Boola boola boola . . .  Whatever that means."  After Balki says that he couldn't have done it without his Cousin Larry, Larry asks "Really?"  Balki answers, "Yes" and Larry simply says to the others "See?" before they do the Dance of Joy.
- There was an alternative scene included with the script on the chance that Bronson would not be able to make it back at all that week for the filming.  After Larry worries he may have hurt Balki's chances to pass the exam the phone rings.  Larry answers it, saying, "Balki, where are you?"  To the others he explains, "It's Balki."  "We know that," Harriette says, "How did he do on his entrance exam?"  Larry asks into the phone, "How did you do on your entrance exam?"  To everyone Larry says, "He says, 'yip yip sik likki.'"  Realizing he doesn't know what that means, Larry says, "In English, Balki.  In English."  He listens, then reports, "He passed."  Everyone cheers.  Larry then says into the phone, "What?  Oh thank you.  That's very nice."  "What did he say?" Jennifer asks.  Vindicated, Larry announces, "He said he couldn't have done it without me."  Into the phone he says, "What?  Yes, Balki, now we are so happy we do the dance of joy . . .  But we can't because we're on the phone."  Larry is embarrassed as he says, "Well, I guess if it means that much to you."  Larry proceeds to do his half of the Dance of Joy on the phone.  (If this scene had been used instead of the other one it would have marked the only time Mark said the line "Now we are so happy we do the Dance of Joy.")

Continue on to the next episode . . .