Strangers Episode Guide
63 - Games People Play
First Air Date:
February 3, 1989
Nielsen Rating: 16.1 HH
TV Guide Description: Larry
succumbs to the very temptation he's been cautioning Balki against -- greed --
as the two compete for money and prizes on the TV game show "Risk it
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Bill Rosenthal & Noah Taft
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne
Belita Moreno: Miss Lydia Markham
Jo Marie Payton-France: Harriette Winslow
Bob Goen: Bink Warmington
F.J. OíNeil - Mr. R.T. Wainwright
Jude Mussetter: Kelly Langston
Marr Nealon: Contestant #1
Lynnsey Ryan: Contestant #2
Tim Neil: Stage Manager
Dimitri is not seen in this episode.
"Iím throwing down the cutlet!"
" . . . youíre really starting to flea and tick me off."
"Itís good to let your hair fall out once in a while."
ridiculous: Not said in this episode.
used in this episode:
"Oh my Lord!"
Other running jokes
used in this episode:
Larry pulls an Appleton Snow Job on Balki to get him to not want to continue
into the prize round of the game show
Balki and Larry puff up their chests at the same time to illustrate strength
- Marshall and Walpole are mentioned again, still treating Larry as an
underling. This time they throw an assignment they deem too trivial to
- The type of game show in this program, called Risk
it All, will remind one of childrenís game shows such as Double Dare which
were hugely popular at the time. However, itís very likely the idea for
the game show here was based on a similar Warner Bros. program for kids called Fun
House which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991 (although Fun House was
likely based on its contemporary Double Dare, which later became the more
prevalent series with its move to Nickelodeon). The host of Fun House was
J.D. Roth and he was assisted by twin cheerleaders named Jacqueline and Samantha
Forrest. Bronson and Mark even filmed commercials for Fun House as
Balki and Larry, possibly because of their connection through this particular
The game show host, Bink Warmington, was a perfect spoof of game show
hosts of the time and his name, Bink, was probably inspired by Wink Martindale,
one of the most famous of the game show hosts. Bob Goen, who portrayed
Bink so sublimely, had lots of practice for the role, seeing that he had been an
actual game show host for many years. And if he looks familiar, then you
may be remembering him as the co-host of Entertainment Tonight from 1993
to 2004. Bob Goen currently hosts the Game Show Network program Thatís
- Risk it Allís hostess, Kelly Langston, has to
be largely based on Vanna White (who also filmed a commercial for Perfect
Strangers at one point with Bronson and Mark (see clip posted by Cousin John
The reference to Kellyís book
could be a slight spoof of Vannaís popular autobiography,
- When the outside of the Risk It All studio is
shown, it is actually the exterior of soundstage 26 at the Culver City studio
lot where Perfect Strangers was filmed. The line of people walking
to the studio are the audience members being escorted to an actual filming of
the show. The Risk it All sign was either put in as a special effect or a
sign that was pasted up temporarily.
- Similarly, the inside shots where the audience is
shown shouting "Risk it All!" was the actual studio audience for the
filming. If you look closely you can see warm up comedian Robert Lee seated in
the front row to the left.
- Marr Nealon, who played Contestant #1, is now a
noted spokesperson for vegetarianism working with the organization Voice for a
- The term "schmutz" is actually a
Yiddish word derived from the same word in German which refers to any kind of an
- There are two references to Happy Days in
this episode, which Perfect Strangers producers Tom Miller, William
Bickley and Michael Warren had worked on previously: one of the stunts is called
"Sit On It" and when the Risk it All commode cab (a toilet on wheels)
is introduced Kelly explains itís an American Imperial Whisper Flush supplied
by Cunningham Hardware of Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
- When Larry pulls on Balkiís t-shirt to imitate
the "greed monster" the reference is to a scene in the 1979 classic
sci-fi / horror film Alien in which audiences were shocked when (spoiler
alert!) John Hurtís character suddenly has the baby alien which had been
growing inside him, unknown to anyone on the ship, burst out of his chest on the
- Larryís comment "Just Say No!" was a
topical reference to Nancy Reaganís 1980's & early 90's campaign to
discourage kids from using or starting on recreational drugs.
- When Balki and Larry are about to leave the Chronicle, Balki says
heís going to call all of their friends to meet them at the show. Larry
stops Balki from making the call, however. So how did Jennifer, Mary Anne,
Lydia and Harriette end up at the show? Check out the Script Variations
below the Synopsis to find out!
- The three minutes of the bonus round only lasts
about 2 minutes and 38 seconds in real time.
- At the end of the episode Balki and Larry decide
to recreate the stunt Bobbing for Bananas . . . but do they really have that
much chocolate fudge in their house? Read the Script Variations below for
a slightly more plausible explanation!
The episode begins in the basement of the Chicago Chronicle. Larry is at
his desk working when Mr. Wainwright enters from the
loading dock. "Appleton!" he calls. "Yes, sir, Mr.
Wainwright?" Larry answers, approaching his boss. "Marshall and
Walpole have recommended you for an assignment," Wainwright says.
"They did?" Larry asks excitedly, "Well, uh, yes sir! Iím
your man. What is it? Political scandal? Corruption?
Drug dealing?" "No, they want you to go on a game show called
Risk it All," Wainwright answers. "Interesting," Larry
replies, "Uh, well, what is it? Payola? Showís fixed?
Whatís the angle?" "The angle is Marshall and Walpole donít
want to do it," Wainwright explains, "Itís a piece for the Sunday
supplement." "Well, yes, sir," Larry says, "Iíll
stay late tonight and research the history of game shows. You know, I
think they started on radio." "Appleton," Wainwright sighs,
holding up his hands, "you go on the show, you write two thousand words
about what itís like to be a contestant. Itís a game show.
Itís not Watergate." Mr. Wainwright looks at his watch and says,
"Now you better get going, youíve got to be there in thirty
minutes." He starts to walk away but Larry notes, "Well,
thatís awfully short notice, sir."
"This is journalism, Appleton,"
Wainwright points out, "We do things on short notice. Uh, you need a
partner, so grab somebody
and get going." "Yes sir!" Larry agrees as Mr. Wainwright
exits to the loading dock. Larry runs to his desk to get his jacket when
Balki runs in from the parking garage. "Hi, Cousin," Balki says,
passing Larry to head to his work table. "Balki! Balki,
look," Larry stops him, "I . . . I need you to be my partner on some
stupid game show called Risk it All." "Thatís my favorite game
show!" Balki exclaims, "Iím going to call all our friends and tell
them to meet us there." Balki reaches for Larryís phone but Larry
stops him. "No, I . . . Iíd rather you didnít," Larry
explains. "Cousin, weíre going to meet Bink Warmington and his
lovely co-hostess Kelly Langston." "Tell me about it in the
car," Larry urges, grabbing Balkiís shoulder. "I read her
book, ĎKelly Talks to Teens About Hygiene,'" Balki explains as Larry
leads him to the parking garage, "Thereís a great chapter on skin care.
ĎHow to Be a Hit in Spite of Your Zit.í"
We see a studio sound stage with a line of
people walking past and a sign on one side that reads "Risk it All."
Inside the studio,
the game show is underway. Too women are in the middle of a messy stunt
where one is trying to knock an apple off the others head using two squeeze
bottles of ketchup. "Come on! Time is running out! Oh,
sheís gonna reload!" the host, Bink Warmington, says as the one doing the
squeezing pulls two more bottle out of her overalls and tries again, squirting
her friend mostly in the face, "Letís see if she can knock it off before
times run out!" The host leads the audience in counting down the last
seconds remaining. "No! They didnít make it in time!"
Bink cries, "Oh, you did so well but you lose everything!" The
audience sighs, "Aw!" "Well, thanks for joining us,"
Bink offers as they ladies unhappily walk off the set, "So long, ladies,
from . . . " Bink gets the audience to join him on shouting
"Risk it All!" "Bye, bye!" he finishes. Balki
and Larry are standing backstage wearing blue jumpsuits with the Risk it All
logo on them and they see the two women, both covered in a slimy mess, walking
off. One complains, " . . . try harder" while the other one
moans, "Itís your fault. Itís always your fault."
Larryís eyes are opened wide with shock.
"Balki, you didnít tell me about the stunts." "Cousin,
everybody knows about the stunts!" Balki counters, "Why you think they
put us in jumpsuits? As a fashion statement?" "This is
awful!" Larry cries, "Iím gona
humiliate myself in front of the entire city of Chicago!" Back on the
stage, Bink addresses the cameras, saying, "Kelly, letís introduce our
next two contestants." "Bink, theyíre two cousins from right
here in Chicago. Larry Appleton and Balki Bartokomous. Letís
welcome them to . . . " The audience joins in for "Risk it
All!" Balki and Larry enter the stage through a doorway of streamers
and Balki stands in awe. We can see Harriette, Lydia, Mary Anne and Jennifer
sitting in the front row of the audience, applauding. Balki rushes over to
one of the stunt sets and cries, "Oh, Cousin! Itís the Wheel of
Schmutz! Itís the Wheel of Schmutz!" He then runs to a ring
with several balloons in it and cries, "Oh Cousin! Sit On It!"
Larry is walking toward Balki to try to reel him in but Balki is off running to
another prop where he cries, "Oh! Dueling Buckets! Dueling
Buckets!" He falls down on his knees and sobs, "I want to live
Kelly approaches Balki and taps him on the
back. Balki looks up and sees Kelly. Getting to his feet he hugs he,
crying, "Kelly! Kelly,
itís you! Oh, youíre my favorite game show hostess!" Balki
takes her hand and continues, "Iím so happy to see you! And listen,
I donít believe that story about you posing for those photographs before you
became a big star." Kelly looks to Bink for help and Bink walks over,
saying, "Well, looks like weíve got a live one, huh, Kelly?"
Balki launches himself at Bink, hugging him and crying, "Bink! Bink!
Let me look at you, let me look at you. Let me ask you, are those your
real teeth?" "I can tell youíve never been on television
before, have you, Balki?" Bink asks, leading Balki to the podium where
Larry is waiting, "Tell you what, you . . . . " Balki is
distracted by the camera and walks up to it, staring into the lens.
"Hello. Hi! Hi, everybody!" Balki then looks past
the camera to the audience and cries, "Mary Anne!" as he runs past the
camera. After a moment Balki reappears, having been shoved back onto the
set by the stage manager.
"Why donít you do me a favor here,
Balki?" Bink asks, leading Balki to his place at the podium, "You just
stand right here and let me start the game, okay?" Larry pulls Balki
closer and says sharply, "Balki, youíre embarrassing me."
Larry smiles at the
audience and cameras as Bink begins. "All right! Itís time to
play . . . " "Risk it All!" the audience chants.
"Now, hereís how we play our money round," Bink explains,
"Kelly will describe a stunt to you and then Iíll ask you a question.
You can either do the stunt or answer the question. You got it?"
"Got it!" Balki says happily. "Okay," Bink says.
"Wait a minute, wait a minute," Larry interrupts, "Bink, did you
say we could either perform the stunts or answer the question?"
"Thatís right," Bink smiles. "Well, yeah," Balki
agrees, "but Cousin, nobody answers the question. I mean, you canít
have fun that way, can you, Bink?" "Well, you could have fun if
you try this stunt . . . itís the Wheel of Schmutz! Kelly?"
"Oh, I love the Wheel of Schmutz!" Balki says, "Cousin, this one
these buckets come around with this disgusting stuff and you reach inside to
pick out the necklace, and . . . " "Balki. Balki,"
Bink interrupts, "Itís Kellyís job to describe the stunts, okay?"
"Oh, Iím sorry," Balki apologizes, "Youíre right. I . .
. I stand corrected." "Okay," Bink sighs. Balki turns
to Kelly and says, in Binkís style of voice, "Kelly!" Bink
"I think I understand the
stunt," Larry assures them, "You do something and you get messy.
Now, whatís the question?" "The question is," Bink reads
off a card, "which famous artist cut off his ear?" There are two
large buttons on the podium, one above
the word "Question" and the other above the word "Stunt."
Larry reaches over to hit the "Question" button but Balki stops him.
"Cousin . . . what are you doing?" "Iím gonna answer the
question," Larry explains. "No, no, Cou . . . just . . . "
Balki turns to Bink, "uh Bink, just let me have just one moment. I
think Cousin Larryís missing all the fun here." "Guys, itís
only a thirty minute show," Bink reminds them, "Could we move it
along, please?" "Bink, just one minute," Larry asks,
holding up a finger. He talks to Balki in a low voice. "Balki,
the only reason Iím here is because the paper sent me. Now weíre just
gonna answer the questions, get some cash and go home. No stunts!
That way I get my story and avoid humiliation." "Iím going to
press that ĎStuntí button before you ever think of getting near that
ĎQuestioní button!" Balki insists. "Oh really?" Larry
asks. "Oh really!" Balki nods. "You think so?"
Larry asks. "Yes, I do," Balki says. Larry reaches over
and taps the "Question" button, much to Balkiís surprise.
"Bink, the artist who cut off his ear is Vincent Van Gogh," Larry
states. "Thatís right!" Bink says with surprise,
"Youíve just won twenty-five dollars!" The audience applauds.
"Now, get ready, guys," Bink
warns, "because our next stunt is Sit On It! Kelly!" Kelly
is standing next to the ring filled with balloons. "Balki and
Larry," she announces, "all you have to do is break four little
balloons by sitting on them. But surprise . . .
the balloons are filled with . . . whipped cream!" "I knew
it!" Balki says excitedly, "I knew it! Theyíre always filled
with something! Cousin, Iím gonna do this one. I wanna do this
stunt." "You may not want to do the stunt, you may want to
answer this question," Bink says, then reads as Balki holds his hand out
over the "Stunt" button, "In the Peanuts cartoon, who is always
calling Charlie Brown Ďblockhead?í" Larry immediately hits the
"Question" button as Balki is only raising his hand up to hit the
"Stunt" button. "Lucy van Pelt!" Larry answers.
"Thatís absolutely right!" Bink says, "Youíve won fifty
dollars!" The audience applauds again. "Cousin,"
Balki says seriously, "Iíve tried reasoning with you. It failed.
I want to do the stunts! So from here on out itís war! Iím throwing
down the cutlet!" Balki moves his hand over the "Stunt"
button and Larry moves his hand over the "Question" button and they
stand, looking determined, as the scene fades to black.
Act two begins a short time later with
Balki and Larry waiting for Bink to speak. "For five hundred dollars,
what will it be? The
stunt? Or the question?" Bink asks. Balki and Larry start
struggling with each other, each one trying to get to the button they want.
Balki pushes his face down toward the "Stunt" button but Larry grabs
Balkiís head by the hair and leads it over to the "Question" button
instead, finally pushing Balkiís face down onto the cushioned button which
dings. "Bink, the first man to sail around the world was Ferdinand
Magellan," Larry answers. "Thatís absolutely right!" Bink
reveals, "You just won five hundred dollars." The audience
applauds. "Larry and Balki," Bink sighs in frustration,
"youíre the first two contestants ever to make it to the final question
here in the money round without doing a single stunt." "Well,
weíre going to do the next stunt!" Balki declares as he shoots Larry a
look. "Yeah, well, this is one stunt you may like," Bink says,
"Letís take a look." He backs over to another stunt setup and
announces, "Itís Flying Chickens! Kelly!" Kelly picks up
one of the rubber chickens from a catapult and explains, "One of you will
place the chicken in the catapult and send it flying across the stage where the
other one catches it . . . in a bucket of barbecue sauce." She
finishes with a wink.
Balki glares at Larry. "I love
Flying Chickens. And Iím going to do Flying Chickens." Balki
determinedly hits the "Stunt" button but nothing happens.
"The button doesnít count until Bink reads the question," Larry
informs Balki coolly. Balki grabs Larry
around the arms and holds him tight, lifting his own right leg over the
"Stunt" button as Larry tries to get free. Bink looks at them
with irritation. "Now, for one thousand dollars, who was known as the
King of Swing?" Bink reads. Larry suddenly cries, "Oh look!
Kelly fainted!" Balki turns to look, crying, "Kelly!" as
Larry grabs Balkiís leg and drops it on the "Question" button.
"He chose the question!" Bink cries in exasperation. Balki drops
his head to the podium in despair. Larry pats him on the back and says,
"Buck up, buddy. Bink, the King of Swing is Benny Goodman."
"Thatís absolutely right!" Bink says in amazement, "For one
thousand dollars!" The audience applauds wildly. "And
weíll be right back to find out if our two contestants want to keep their
money and go home or if they want to risk it all in the prize round."
"And weíre out," the stage manager announces. Bink leans
toward the stage manager and says, "I want to see whoever booked these two
people on my show in my dressing room . . . now!" Bink storms
"Balki, did you hear that?"
Larry asks. "Yes, I think Bink wants us back!" Balki says
smugly. "No, no. No, the part where Bink
said that we could quit," Larry explains. "Quit?" Balki
asks in disbelief. "Sure! Iíve got everything I need for my
story. Letís just take the money and get out of here."
"Cousin, quit?" Balki asks, "We havenít done anything but
answer questions. We may as well be on ĎJeopardy'! We donít have
any schmutz on our jumpsuits! Cousin, I want to do stunts and win big
prizes!" "Ah! There it is," Larry says.
"There what is?" Balki asks. "Big prizes. Thatís
how they suck you in. Balki, they depend upon the most basic of all human
failings." "Bad posture?" Balki asks.
"Greed," Larry explains, "Greed. They show you something
every poor gullible slob wants like a . . . like a big screen TV . . . "
"A big screen TV?" Balki asks excitedly, jumping around as he yells,
"Oh Cousin, letís risk it all! Please! Please!
Please!" "Balki!" Larry scolds, "Itís happening
already." "Whatís happening?" Balki asks.
"Itís the greed monster," Larry explains.
Balki looks around a bit nervously,
asking, "Where?" "Inside you," Larry explains.
Balki looks shocked. "Inside me? Like ĎAlien?í"
"Yes," Larry answers, then realizes he can use this, "Yes!
Yes! Yes, yes, it starts deep inside you. And then . . . and
then Bink feeds it by letting you win enough until the greed takes over."
"No," Balki whines. "And you lose control!"
"No!" Balki whimpers, looking down at himself. "And then
Kelly feeds it even more by showing you bigger and bigger prizes!" Larry
continues, "And the greed grows and grows, more and more, until finally . .
. " Larry grabs Balkiís t-shirt underneath his jumpsuit and pulls
it out, wiggling it around as if an alien were popping out of Balkiís chest.
Balki screams and screams until Larry pulls him into a hug to comfort him.
"All right, itís all right," Larry assures him then holds him at
armís length. "Cousin, why would Bink and Kelly do something like
that to me?" Balki sobs. "Well, they canít help
themselves," Larry explains, "Theyíre part of the system."
"But, but Cousin, how could the greed monster get me? Iím not a
greedy person." "Oh no?" Larry asks. "No!"
"No?" "No!" "No?"
"No!" Larry grabs Balkiís t-shirt again and again growls and
makes it move around, causing Balki to scream again. Larry once again hugs
Balki to comfort him.
"Balki, itís not too late!"
Larry assures him, "Iíll save you." "Thank you,
Cousin," Balki offers. "Hey, I know youíd do the same for me.
Now, when Bink comes back out here heís going to tempt you with some fantastic
prizes. But you have to be strong." They both breath in and
look strong. "You have to resist!" Larry continues,
"Remember . . . just say no!" "Got it. Iíll be
Balki promises as Bink comes back onstage, not looking too happy. "Bink,
weíre back," the stage manager announces. Bink immediately puts on
his fake smile and says, "Well, weíre back! Well, the big question
is now will Larry and Balki keep their thousand dollars or are they going to . .
. ?" "Risk it all!" the audience chimes in.
"Now, follow me, fellas, and Iíll show you what you could be playing
for." Bink leads them across the stage to a curtain.
"Remember," Larry says to Balki, "Be strong."
"Just say no," Balki states, "Just say no." The
curtain pulls aside to reveal a beautiful red convertible with Kelly sitting on
it. "Itís a brand new sports car!" Bink announces,
"Kelly, tell them about it." "My pleasure, Bink,"
Kelly smiles, "It comes equipped with all the luxuries, including air
conditioning, CD player and cellular car phone. Yes, Balki and Larry, you
could drive this dream car home if youíre willing to risk it all!"
Larry and Balki look at one another as
Bink asks, "Well, guys, whatís it gonna be? Are you gonna risk it
all for that beautiful new
car? What do you think, audience? What should they do?"
"Risk it all!" the audience yells. "Weíre going to be
strong," Balki says, "And just . . . " "RISK IT
ALL!!!" Larry screams, grabbing Balki by the arm and jumping up and
down excitedly. "Theyíre gonna go for the car!" Bink announces
as Larry continues to act like a madman. In the audience, Lydia says to
Harriette, "Talk about style!" "Yeah, thatís some
car," Harriette sighs. "Well, the carís nice but I was talking
about Bink!" Lydia swoons. "Isnít this great?" Jennifer
asks Mary Anne. "Yeah, but do you think they could get a different
car?" Mary Anne asks, "I donít look good in red." On
stage, Balki and Larry are back at the podium and Bink says, "Now, are you
guys ready to risk it all for that beautiful new car?" "Give me
the question and give me the car!" Larry insists. "But Cousin,
we could lose all of our money!" Balki points out. "All right,
now you may not want to answer the question this time," Bink explains,
"You may want to try this very easy stunt! Kelly?"
Kelly stands up from behind a stunt
display, saying, "Itís a little thing we call Dueling Buckets. Now,
one of you will take a bean bag and throw it at the . . . " "The
question!" Larry insists, "The question!" "Hereís
your question," Bink begins, reading, "Whose picture was on the ten
thousand dollar bill?" Larry immediately hits the
"Question" button and he answers, "Salmon P. Chase!" "Thatís
absolutely right!" Bink says in shock, "Theyíve won the car!"
Larry hugs Balki, who is also happy. "Oh boy," Balki says,
"Oh gosh! Iím so relieved! Thank you, Bink. Come on,
Cousin, letís take the car and get outta here!" Balki tries to pull
Larry away but Bink says, "Wait, donít go yet!" A loud siren
begins and Bink announces, "Itís time for the bonus round!"
Balloons drop down from above and Larry is excited beyond belief, shouting,
"Itís the Bonus Round!" "Cousin, Cousin . . . no, uh . .
. Cousin, be careful. We could lose everything," Balki warns.
"Whatís the bonus prize?" Larry demands. "The bonus
prize? Itís a cruise around the world!" Bink announces.
"Oh God!" Balki says worriedly. Kelly walks out with a painted
cutout of a ship, which she parades in front of them even though Balki puts his
hands over Larryís eyes. "Thatís right!" Bink continues,
"Youíll be cruising in style because weíre going to throw in twenty
five thousand dollars in cash!" Larry eyes Bink wildly.
"Now, what should they do, audience?" "Risk it all!"
the audience yells.
"Weíll risk it all!" Larry
yells. "No, we wonít!" Balki yells. "Yes, we
will!" Larry shouts. "No, we wonít!" Balki also shouts.
will!" "No, we wonít!" Larry finally grabs Balki
and pulls his head down so he canít answer, yelling, "Weíll risk it
all!" "Theyíre gonna risk it all!" Bink announces.
The audience applauds excitedly. Larry lets go of Balki, who steps up to
Bink and says seriously, "Bink . . . I know you canít help yourself but
youíre really starting to flea and tick me off." Bink calmly
motions for Balki to return to the podium. "Now, in order for you to
keep the car and win the trip and the cash, youíre gonna have to either answer
the question or do all the stunts you didnít do on your way to the bonus
round," Bink explains, "Plus one more! Kelly?" Kelly
steps out and says, "Thatís right, Bink! Itís Bobbing for
Bananas!" Two women dressed in banana costumes step out and walk over
to stand next to Balki and Larry. Balki leans over to look into the mouth
of the one costumed lady closest to him.
"Now, for your trip around the world,
here is your question." Bink looks at the stack of cards in his hand,
eyeing the first one and
looking at Larry questioningly. Bink tosses aside the first card and reads
the second, which he also discards. After reading the third card, Bink
smiles wickedly at them and proceeds. "What land did the Roman
Emperor Claudius annex in 43 A.D.?" "Oh my Lord!" Larry
cries as Balki is still thinking. "Now, do you want to answer the
question or do the stunt?" Bink asks. Larry, in a panic, says, "Balki,
I donít know the answer. Weíre gonna have to do the stunts!"
Larry hits the "Stunt" button as Balki gets a look of realization on
his face. "Theyíre gonna do the stunts!" Bink announces and
the audience cheers. "Cousin, why did you do that?" Balki asks,
"The answer is Great Britain!" "Great Britain," Larry
shouts, "The answer is Great Britain!" "Good answer!
And a right answer!" Bink says excitedly. Larry starts yelling,
"Yes! Yes!" and grabbing Balki until Bink points out, "But
a late answer. You chose the stunts." "What do you mean a
late answer?" Larry asks angrily, "I want that trip!"
"Gentlemen, youíll have three
minutes," Bink explains, "Remember, if you donít complete all the
stunts before the buzzer sounds, youíll lose the car, the trip, the cash . . .
everything. But . . . to make sure that you go from one stunt to the next
in style youíll be
riding the Risk it All commode cab. Kelly!" Kelly steps out
with a toilet set on a tiled platform with wheels. "Thatís right,
Bink," she says, "Itís an American Imperial Whisper Flush with a
patent cushion seat, compliments of Cunningham Hardware, Milwaukee,
Wisconsin." "Ready?" Bink asks, as the banana ladies escort
Larry to the toilet seat and Balki behind it to push. Balki is excited but
Larry is worried. "Set!" Bink calls as they get into place.
"Go!" Balki starts pushing Larry to their first stunt. Bink
explains to the audience that the first stunt is Sit On It where they have to
sit on the balloons to break them. Balki and Larry jump into the ring and
proceed to sit on the balloon as whipped cream splatters all over their behinds.
They manage to burst four balloons and Larry returns to the commode cab but
Balki continues to break balloons and Larry has to run back and pull him away
from the stunt. "Balki! Balki! Come on!" Larry
Balki pushes Larry to the toilet and Larry
falls across the seat as Balki pushes him to the next stunt, Dueling Buckets.
at the stunt and Larryís head hits the side of it as Balki announces,
"Weíre here!" Larry stumbles off the toilet, looking dazed.
"Okay, all you have to do is throw the bean bag, hit the target and pour a
bucket of schmutz down on Balkiís head," Bink explains. Balki
stands between the buckets above him as Larry takes the basket of bean bags and
throws the first one at the target, but misses. Larry hits the target on
the right the second time and then proceeds to hit the target on the left with
his next bean bag, as a very happy Balki is covered with schmutz. Larry
returns to the commode cab seat and Balki runs at Bink, wanting to hug him but
Bink warns, "Get away!" Balki pushes the "cab" to the
next stunt as Larry motions for him to hurry up. They reach the Wheel of
Schmutz and Balki stops suddenly, causing Larry to pitch forward off the seat.
"Now, on the Wheel of Schmutz," Bink explains, "you have to reach
into the buckets of schmutz and grab four necklaces and put them around your
neck." Balki and Larry reach into the buckets which are spinning on a
wheel and feel for the necklaces, which they pull out and put on as they find
them, getting schmutz all over themselves. Bink counts off until they have
four and can move on.
Larry kneels over the toilet on the
commode cab as Balki pushes him to the next stunt, Flying Chickens. Larry
grabs a bucket of
barbecue sauce and runs a distance away as Balki asks "Ready?" then
catapults one of the rubber chickens into the air. Larry catches it as it
comes back down in the bucket, splattering him with barbecue sauce. They
then switch places and Larry catapults a chicken but Balki misses catching it
the first time. On the second try Balki manages to catch it in the bucket.
Balki tries to hand the bucket to Bink but Bink backs away, motioning for him to
set it aside and move on. Larry, looking exhausted, sits on the commode
cab and acts casual as Balki pushes him to the last stunt, Bobbing for Bananas.
Balki labors in pushing the "cab," as he is also tired. They
reach the tank of fudge as Bink explains, "You get to pull out four bananas
without using your hands." Balki and Larry put their hands behind
their backs and stick their faces down into the fudge, searching for the bananas
and pulling them out with their teeth.
counts as Balki gets one and then Larry gets one. Balki pulls out a third
banana and throws it aside, hitting Bink squarely in the lower stomach and
covering his suit with fudge. "Thereís three!" Bink says,
fuming. Bink and the audience start counting down the last five seconds
until the buzzer sounds, followed by a loserís sound. "Oh!"
Bink says as Balki lifts his head from the fudge while Larry keeps his head in,
still searching for the last banana. "Too bad," Bink says
gleefully, "Youíre all out of time. You lose everything!"
The audience sighs, "Aw!" Balki grabs Larry by the back of his
jumpsuit collar and pulls him up out of the fudge, saying, "Cousin.
Cousin. Timeís up." "I canít lose!" Larry cries,
"I want that trip!" Larry dives back into the fudge as Balki
pulls him up again. "Cousin. Cousin. Cousin! Itís
over. Itís over. We lost everything." Larry lets his
face fall back into the fudge in despair. "How about it?
Werenít they great?" Bink asks the audience and Balki waves as they
Later that evening Balki and Larry return
to their apartment, Balki switching on the light as they enter. "Hey,
Balki," Larry says in a casual voice as he drops his jacket on the coffee
table, "so we didnít win the big prize. The important thing is I
got everything I need for my article. Hey, Iím a reporter. I had a
job to do and I did it. I should be proud of myself. I should feel
good." "But you feel like schmutz," Balki states.
Larry starts to cry. Balki lets Larry lean on his shoulder and pats his
back, saying, "Cousin . . . " "I
coulda had a trip around the world!" Larry whines, "I coulda had a
sports car. I look good in a sports car." "Yeah, I know,
Cousin . . . itís okay," Balki assures him, "Itís all right,
itíll pass. This, too, will pass." Balki sits on the couch
with Larry. "But I wanted to win," Larry whines. "Now
look," Balki begins, "We didnít lose everything. We got to go
on television. We got to stick our heads in chocolate fudge! You got
to ride around on a toilet!" "And you see that as a good
thing?" Larry asks. "It is a good thing!" Balki
insists, "Itís good to let your hair fall out once in a while."
"Well, it was kinda fun when those chickens were flying," Larry
admits. "Bobbing for Bananas was a blast," Balki points out.
"You know, Balki, if I had just had five more seconds I think I could have
gotten that last banana." "There is one way to find out,"
Balki says, wiggling his eyebrows in a teasing manner. "Iíll get
the bananas, you fill the sink with chocolate fudge," Larry suggests, and
they hurry to the kitchen as the episode ends.
There are a number of
differences between the second draft script dated January 13, 1989 and the aired
most interesting thing about this version of the script is it includes a segment
that would be taken from this script and used in the show Prose and Cons.
The episode starts with Larry typing at his desk and Lydia picking up her mail.
Lydia says, "Boy, being an advice columnist used to be easy. People
wanted to know about skin problems. Should they kiss on the first
date?" Indicating her mail, she says, "[To] help some of these
sickos, you'd need a degree in psychology." The elevator doors open
and Harriette pokes her head out and ducks back in, trying to close the door
quickly. "Wait a second, Harriette," Lydia stops her, "I'm
going up." "Well, hurry up before Balki gets here,"
Harriette urges. "Why?" Lydia asks. "Just move it,
girl," Harriette says. Lydia walks to the elevator as Balki enters
from the Archives and sees Harriette. "Harriette! Harriette!"
Balki calls, "Remember you said I could drive the elevator today."
"I said today, baby?" Harriette asks. "You sure did,"
Balki assures her, "I've been looking forward to this all day."
"Go ahead, Harriette," Lydia says, "What's the harm?"
Harriette says to Lydia, "You'll see." Balki enters the elevator
and says, "Oh goody. Now, don't worry. I remember everything
you taught me." "Just make sure you don't accelerate too
fast," Harriette warns. "No problem," Balki says, closing
the doors and then asking, "What does accelerate mean?" This is
when Mr. Wainwright enters and gives Larry the assignment to go on Risk It All.
Interestingly, when Mr. Wainwright tells Larry that Marshall and Walpole
recommended him for the job Larry comments, "They did? I didn't even
know they knew my name." Apparently this was written before Larry had
become part of the investigative reporting team. After Wainwright leaves,
we hear Harriette and Lydia screaming "Stop!" off stage. The
elevator doors open and Balki, Lydia and Harriette are all on the floor.
"Wow. This thing can stop on a dime," Balki comments, "I'm
just going to go punch out, then I'll try it again. I think I'm getting
the hang of it." "Yeah, you go punch out baby. I'll try to
find my contacts," Harriette says. "We could have been
killed," Lydia complains. They shut the elevator doors to Balki can't
run it again.
Larry tells Balki about being on the game show, Balki says it's his favorite
show and mentions the host and co-hostess, commenting about Kelly, "Who is
rumored to have the most beautiful arms in show business." Larry
tells Balki to tell him about it in the car. In this version Balki doesn't
try to call anyone and he doesn't talk about Kelly's book.
the studio, when Balki and Larry are waiting backstage in their suits (called
coveralls and not jumpsuits) Larry says, "I'm going to humiliate myself in
front of the entire city of Chicago." "Not just Chicago,
Cousin," Balki corrects him, "'Risk It All' is the number one
syndicated show in eleven out of thirteen major markets." Jennifer
and Mary Anne enter. "Hi, guys," Jennifer offers.
"Nice outfits," Mary Anne comments. "Jennifer, Mary Anne,
what are you doing here?" Larry asks. "We came to wish you good
luck," Jennifer explains. "I called them from the pay phone
while you were looking for a pair of coveralls that would make you look
taller," Balki says. "We just wanted to wish you luck,"
Jennifer says, "Harriette and Lydia are saving our seats."
"They're here, too?" Larry asks. "Cousin, we wouldn't want
them to miss it," Balki says.
Balki gushes over the stunts and bows to Dueling Buckets he greets Kelly and
says, "And I don't believe that story about you posing for those
photographs before you became a star. They put your face on somebody
else's body, didn't they?" Larry crosses to Balki and admonishes him,
saying, "Balki, we're on television." "Oh, right.
Where are my manners?" Balki asks and then looks into the camera and says
hi. Instead of kicking Balki back onstage, Kelly leads him to the podium.
In the audience, Mary Anne says, "I thought about becoming a game show
hostess like Kelly Langston." "Why didn't you?" Harriette
asks. "I decided I didn't want to spend my life faking smiles,
pretending to be nice to people and always having to look my best," Mary
Anne answers. Jennifer then says to Harriette, "So she became a
Larry finds out he can just answer the questions and says he wants to answer the
first one, Balki says, "Cousin, we didn't talk it over."
"No need to," Larry says, "I know the answer."
"Yes, but that's part of the game," Balki explains, "We put our
heads together like this and talk it over while the audience yells, 'The stunt,
the stunt!'" "Guys, it's a thirty minute show," Bink
reminds them, " Could you move it along?" "One minute, Bink,"
Larry says, then to Balki, "Look, I have a plan." "Oh,
God," Balki sighs, "You're gong to wring the fun right out of this,
aren't you?" Larry then goes on to talk about how the paper sent him
and that he just wants to answer questions, win some money and leave.
Balki then says, "Well, I've got a plan, too. I'm going to get to the
stunt button first." Larry then beats him to the button.
Larry answers the second question, Balki simply tells him, "Of course you
know, this means war." The scene ends there but the commercial break
is later on.
they finish the cash round (and win only five hundred dollars instead of one
thousand) the show goes off the air and Bink tells Balki and Larry, "Do me
a favor, take the cash and go home." He then tells the stage manager
he wants to see whoever booked them on the show in his dressing room, " . .
. now!" Larry says he's ready to quit and Balki says, "Quit?
Before the prize round? Nobody does that. That's where you win the
wonderful prizes from the Spiegel Catalog." While Balki mentions
Alien, Larry does not pull on his t-shirt in this version. Instead, after
Balki says he's not a greedy person, Larry says, "No? We've already
won five hundred dollars and you want more. You want a big screen TV.
What next? A yacht? A mansion? World domination? What
does that sound like to you?" "It sounds like the greed monster
has me by the nose hairs," Balki admits.
says the big question is whether or not Balki and Larry will keep their money or
risk it all, Balki says, "We can give you our answer now, Bink."
Bink smiles and says, "Why don't we do the show the way we've always done
it? Okay? Let me show you what you'll be playing for."
After they see the beautiful car and Bink asks if they want to risk it all,
Balki says, "Bink. I know you mean no harm, but I'm going to be
strong and . . . " Larry then screams "Risk It All!" and
this is where the commercial break comes.
Larry says "Give me the question and give me the car," Balki notes,
"Cousin, if I didn't know better, I'd say the greed monster had you by the
throat." The question asked for the car is "In the 1950's, who
was 'Mr. Television?" Larry immediately answers correctly with
"Milton Berle." Balki is amazed and says, "Cousin, we won a
new car! Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy."
"The hell with the Dance of Joy," Larry says, "What's next?"
When Larry gets excited about the bonus round, the description of him in the
script is "Larry's Evil Twin."
Bink tells Larry the bonus prize is a trip around the world, Balki says,
"It's mostly water, Cousin. Forget it. We've got to get out of
here. The greed is up to your eyeballs." "Greed is
good," Larry insists, "Greed is right. Greed works. I want
that trip." "What should they do, audience?" Bink asks.
"Keep the car!" yells Lydia. "Keep the car!" yells
Harriette. "Keep the car!" agrees Jennifer. "Keep the
car, but get a blue one!" Mary Anne calls. Bink then says, "Hey,
did I mention that you can take four of your friends with you?"
"Go for the trip!" yell Jennifer, Mary Anne, Harriette and Lydia.
"I want that trip!" Larry says. Balki says to the girls,
"You're not helping." After Larry keeps Balki from talking and
says they'll risk it all, Balki says to Bink, "I know you can't hepl
yourself, Bink, but you're really starting to make me angry."
directions for the stunts are very simple, reading, "Balki pushes Larry
down on the toilet seat and they take off. They go from one stunt to the
next. They do the "Wheel of Schmutz," "Sit On It,"
"Flying Chickens," and "Dueling Buckets." Finally they
get to the bananas. Time is running out. Balki sticks his head in
the fudge and gets out a banana. Larry does the same. Balki gets
another banana. As Bink counts down the final seconds, Larry tries to get
the last banana. His head is in the fudge as time runs out. A loud,
annoying buzzer goes off. Bink signs off by saying, "How about it?
Weren't they great? Well, that's all for today. And remember, it's
not worth having if you don't . . . " "Risk It All!" the
audience yells. "So long, everybody," Bink finishes.
at the apartment when Larry says he should feel good Balki notes, "And now
you feel awful." After Balki assures Larry that this too will pass,
Larry says, "I can't believe I got sucked into all that craziness. I
thought I was above that kind of thing." "What kind of thing,
having fun?" Balki asks. "I thought I was going to be
different," Larry explains, "Instead, I turned out to be just like
those lunatics you watch on TV every night." "But, Cousin,
there's nothing wrong with that. People go on the show to have fun."
"I wanted to win," Larry complains. "Well, sure it would
have been nice to win," Balki agrees, "But the best part is having fun
along the way. And if I'm not mistaken, I did see a twinkle in your eye
when the chickens were flying through the air." "Well, the
chickens were fun," Larry admits begrudgingly, "But, I wanted to
win." Balki explains they didn't lose everything and the rest is the
same as in the aired show until Larry says he thinks he could have gotten the
last banana with five more seconds and Balki says, "There is one way to
find out. We have our lovely parting gift. The home version of 'Risk
It All.'" Balki holds up the home version. "I'll get the
bananas, you whip up five gallons of chocolate fudge," Larry says, and they
begin to open the game.
on to the next episode . . .