Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 71 - Teacher's Pest

First Air Date: April 28, 1989
Nielsen Rating: 13.1 HH

TV Guide Description: Asked to teach a college course, Larry plans to mold the minds of future journalists by setting class standards high; but there's a price on Larry's head when students learn the standards are far beyond their reach.

Co-Producer: James OíKeefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Tom Devanney
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous

Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne

Guest Cast:
JoMarie Payton-France: Harriette Winslow
F.J. OíNeil: Mr. R.T. Wainwright
Joshua Cadman: Football Player (Chuck)
Judy Prescott: Student #1 (Pam - with the magazine)
Eva LaRue: "A" Student
Craig Gini: Student #2

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri is not seen in this episode.

"Big Sheepherder on Campus."
"He may seem tough now, but once you get to know him youíll find heís totally without merit."
"What about one that looks like Cybil Sheepherder?"
"Iím at my end of a soap on a rope!"
"You donít have to paint me a photograph."
"Iím gonna get taller from this?"
"Your standards are so high I canít even see them from here!"
" . . . and before you know it those sheep are playing leap sheep all over the meadow."

Donít be ridiculous: Not said in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"I donít think so."
"Come in!" (in stereo)
"Oh my Lord!"
"Po po po!"

Other running jokes used in this episode:
The Dance of Joy
Larry does his breathy laugh

Songs: "Never Gonna Give You Up" - Balki sings this when he enters the basement from the loading dock after delivering some mail

Interesting facts:
The title of this episode is a pun based on the expression "teacher's pet," which is a student shown special favor by a teacher.
The song Balki sings at the beginning of the show, Never Gonna Give You Up, was a popular 1987 hit performed by Rick Astley.  Oddly enough, the video for this song is now part of a popular internet prank in which victims are "Rickrolled" by receiving an e-mail in which a link is provided and said to be for something else, but instead leads the person to the video for this song.  And now there is a specific "RickRoll" prank involving Balki's performance of the song on this episode!  You may have noticed several links popping up around the internet lately labeled "Bronson Pinchot Sex Tape!"  Well, if you click on the link, it takes you to the video of Balki singing this song! 
- Balki is now in junior college but his classes are in the same school building where his high school courses were held.
- The ornate folder in which Balki has his news story turns up later in the episode Poetry in Motion as Balkiís Myposian Microwave Cookbook.
- Actor Joshua Cadman, who appears in this episode as the football player named Chuck, made appearances in episodes of Happy Days and Laverne & Shirley, as well as an episode of Full House.
- Actress Eva LaRue would have a recurring role in The George Lopez Show which co-starred Belita Moreno.  She is probably best known for her role as Dr. Maria Santos Grey on All My Children, and has had recurring roles in Third Watch, Soul Food, and most recently CSI: Miami.  You can visit her official website here.
- Balki mentions that Mr. Wainwright attended the prestigious Columbia School of Journalism.  Indeed, Columbia University in New York is indeed one of the most noted schools of journalism in the United States.  Balki then mentions that Mr. Wainwrightís instructor was Edward R. Murrow.  Murrow was a very famous and well-respected journalist who gained prominence for his radio news reports during World War II.  He was also a pioneer of television journalism and was a very prominent figure during the McCarthy hearings in the 1950's.  He also developed and hosted a very popular celebrity interview series entitled Person to Person in 1953.  The 2005 film, Good Night and Good Luck, was about Murrowís conflict with Senator McCarthy.  There seems to be no indication that Murrow ever taught at Columbia University, however.
teacherspestgrab22.jpg (62230 bytes)- Cousin nighttime59 worked on deciphering the writing on the blackboard behind Larry and Balki while they are fighting over Wainwright's report and deduced it is Brutus' oration from Act Three, Scene Two of William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar!
- Footage from a rehearsal or run-through of this episode were seen in ABC's Something's Happening, Yeah! promotional spots for the 1989-90 season.  You can now watch the full-length version of this commercial on our YouTube channel.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
If you look closely in the first classroom scene, the student named Chuck starts out sitting at a desk that is in the second row.  But suddenly in the middle of the scene he is sitting in the front row, and the girl to his right is trying very hard to hide her notes from him.  When did he move and why?  Read the script variations below to find out!

The episode begins in the basement of the Chicago Chronicle.  Larry is at his desk putting things into his briefcase and Harriette is standing by the elevator, reading a magazine.  Mr. Wainwright enters from the loading dock calling, "Appleton?"  "Yes sir, Mr. Wainwright?" Larry responds, stepping up to his boss.  "Every year one of our reporters teaches a journalism course at Chicago Community College," Wainwright explains, "I asked Walpole who he would recommend and he picked you."  "Me?" Larry asks, "Well, Iím flattered!  Iím honored!  This is a big compliment!"  "I knew youíd make a big deal out of this," Wainwright sighs in frustration.  "I didnít mean to," Larry apologizes, "Itís just that of all the people at the Chronicle the fact that he picked me . . . "  "Appleton," Wainwright moans.  "Am I doing it again?" Larry asks.  "Yes," Wainwright confirms.  "Sorry," Larry says.

Mr. Wainwright hands Larry a piece of paper, explaining, "Here are all the details on the course."  Wainwright turns to leave.  "Sir . . . Iíll try to make you proud of me," Larry promises.  "Iíll be satisfied if you just donít embarrass the Chronicle," Mr. Wainwright smiles painfully and he walks back to the loading dock.  Larry hurries to the elevator, saying, "Harriette, did you hear that?  They want me to teach a college class."  "Mmm hmm," Harriette hums, not looking up from her magazine.  "Maybe Iíll get the class to publish their own newspaper," Larry says excitedly, "I can divide Ďem up into departments . . . business, editorial, sports, politics.  Ooh, maybe I could take them all to Washington!"  "Stop the presses, baby," Harriette says, "This is junior college, not Time magazine."  "Harriette, this is my chance to make a mark on the future of American journalism," Larry explains, "Iíll be molding the minds of tomorrow."  "First they burn a hole in the ozone layer," Harriette remarks, "Now theyíve got you molding minds.  Worldís getting scarier all the time!"  Harriette steps into the elevator and closes the door.

Larry walks back to his desk as Balki enters from the loading dock, carrying a wire basket.  Balki sings "Never Gonna Give You Up" as he dances, then puts the basket on the table and picks up his jacket.  Balki dances over to Larryís desk, jerking his hips in time with the music.  "Balki . . . Balki," Larry interrupts, "before you do injury to some major muscle group, let me tell you the good news.  Guess whoís going to be teaching journalism at your school."  Balki gets excited and guesses, "Walter Cronkite?"  "No," Larry says.  "Ted Koppel?" Balki guesses.  "No."  "Willard Scott?" Balki tries, even more excitedly.  "No, no, no, no, Balki," Larry says, "Me!"  Balki looks confused and finally asks, "You?  Youíre not even on television.  What do you know about journalism?"  "Newspaper journalism," Larry explains.  "Then youíd be perfect!" Balki says happily.  "Thank you," Larry smiles.  "Cousin, I canít believe I know a college teacher," Balki says, "This makes me a BSOC."  "BSOC?" Larry asks.  "Big sheepherder on campus," Balki explains.

The next scene takes place at Balkiís community college at night.  We see a classroom with a small number of students who are talking amongst themselves.  Larry enters, carrying a box under one arm and his briefcase and some folders under the other (heís also wearing a tweed jacket with leather elbow patches to look more like college professor).  The students take their seats as Larry walks to the front of the class and sets the items on his desk.  "Iíd like to welcome you to Journalism 101, Introduction to News Writing" Larry begins, taking a step and tripping over something so that he falls forward on his face behind the desk.  He gets up again quickly and continues, moving to the chalkboard.  "Now, let me introduce myself.  My name is . . . "  Larry goes to write his name on the chalkboard and the piece of chalk breaks in half and falls on the floor.  Larry proceeds to write his name on the board with the broken piece of chalk still in his hand, only as he writes it out he leaves the ĎLí out of Appleton so it reads "Mr. Appeton" instead.  "Mr. Appleton," Larry says, underlining his name then realizing he wrote it wrong, "Appeton . . . Appleton . . . "

Larry attempts to rewrite his name, using an eraser to help correct it, but it comes out looking worse than before so he gives up, setting the chalk on the tray below the board.  It falls off. He sets the eraser on the tray as well.  It also falls off.  Larry picks them up off the floor and carefully sets them on the corner of his desk instead.  The small class of students just look at him.  "Iíd, uh, like to give you a little background on myself," Larry continues, walking in front of his desk.  The door of the room bursts open and Balki rushes in, shouting, "Cousin!  Cousin!  Great news!"  Balki runs to the front of the class and hugs Larry.  "Great news!  My class was canceled and so now I get to take your class!  And now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy!"  Balki starts doing the Dance of Joy but Larry doesnít join in.  "Balki . . . Balki," Larry tries to interrupt.  "What?" Balki asks.  "I have a class in session," Larry points out.

Balki looks around and sees the students.  "Oh," he says, "Uh, Iím sorry.  Cousin Larry, I . . . "  "Balki," Larry says firmly, "in front of the students you should call me Mr. Appleton."  Balki looks surprised.  "Mr. Appleton?" he asks.  Larry nods slightly.  Balki turns away, pointing at Larry and saying to a student, "Mr. Appleton."  He says to a female student, "Iím his cousin.  He lets me call him Cousin Larry at home."  Balki takes a seat behind the girl.  "Now I was going to tell you about my background," Larry reminds them.  The girl sitting behind Balki, who has ben reading an issue of Femme magazine, raises her hand and says, "Excuse me."  "Yes?" Larry asks.  "Is this going to be on the final exam?" she asks.  "No," Larry answers.  "Oh," the girl answers, and goes back to reading her magazine.  "Well, uh, getting back to my background," Larry continues, "For the past two years I have been intimately involved with the day-to-day operation of one of Americaís great newspapers, The Chicago Chronicle."  "I can vouch for that," Balki says, "He works in the basement with me."

"For the past few months Iíve been working closely with the Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative reporting team of Marshall and Walpole," Larry continues.  "And get this!" Balki says, "Not only do they sometimes let him write but they send him out for lunch every single day."  "Balki," Larry tries to interrupt.  "And he never gets it wrong.  I donít know how he does it.  Except, there was that one time . . . the egg salad incident . . . "  "Excuse me, excuse me," Larry says, walking back to Balkiís desk, "Excuse me."  Balki holds his arms out for a hug but Larry pushes him back by the face instead.  "Look, I am the teacher, you are the student," Larry explains, "I talk.  You listen."  "Just like at home," Balki smiles.  Balki moves forward again for a hug but Larry pushes him back.  "Now," Larry says, walking back to the front of the class, "your first assignment will be to take any ordinary event that you see or hear about in the next few days and write it as a news story.  To help you, I have prepared this concise, easy-to-read forty-seven page guide on how to write a news story."  Larry pulls a folder from the box to show the class.  "Excuse me," the girl with the magazine raises her hand again, "Is this going to be on the final?"  "Yes," Larry answers.  "Oh fine," the girl whines, putting her magazine down to pay attention.  "He may seem tough now," Balki tells her, "But once you get to know him youíll find heís totally without merit."  Larry gives Balki a look.

In the apartment several days later, Balki runs in the door carrying a notepad and crying, "Cousin!  Cousin!  Is this . . . is this good enough for my news story?  I just saw a cloud in the sky that looks like a bull moose."  "I donít think so," Larry says, smiling politely.  "How about one that looks like Cybil Sheepherder?" Balki asks.  "Balki, I think youíre going to have to come up with something a little more substantial," Larry notes.  "But what, Cousin?  What?" Balki asks, "Iíve been looking for days and I canít come up with anything.  Iím at the end of my soap on a rope!  Come on, Cousin, just . . . will you just give me a, just a little tiny itty bitty little hint?"  "Balki, it wouldnít be fair to the other students in the class if I gave you special treatment," Larry points out.  "But, Cousin, I want my paper to be the best one in the class," Balki says, "Come on, Cousin.  Just . . . just give me a little hint.  Just . . . let it out."  Balki motions to his lips and then Larryís lips (or lip, as the case may be), finally grabbing them and opening them to mimic Larry speaking.  "Just . . . let it out.  You just thinking, and it comes down the nerve endings and it pops out," Balki says, still pulling open Larryís lips, "Please, Cousin, just a little hint?"  Balki opens Larryís lips as Larry firmly says, "No."

There is a knock at the front door and they both call "Come in!"  Jennifer and Mary Anne enter wearing their stewardess uniforms.  They cross the room and Larry and Balki get up to meet them.  "Oh, welcome home!" Balki cries, hugging Jennifer briefly then grabbing Mary Anne up off the floor to hug her, "Welcome home!  Welcome home!"  "You wonít believe what happened on our flight," Jennifer tells Larry.  "A fight broke out!" Mary Anne says.  "There was a fight on the plane?" Larry asks.  "Yes," Jennifer nods, "Some of the people in the no-smoking section started smoking.  Well, some of the non-smokers got upset.  The next thing we knew people started shoving each other."  "And food was flying everywhere!" Mary Anne adds.  "Well, that is quite a story," Larry says, making eyes to Balki as a way of giving him a hint, "Thatís some exciting news.  Isnít that exciting news?  Balki?"  Balki is looking at Larry strangely and finally asks, "Have you got a tick?"  "Balki is looking for a news story for my journalism class," Larry explains to the girls.  "And I canít find one anywhere," Balki complains, "I . . . "  Balki suddenly gasps.  "I could write about the food fight on the aeroplane!"  "Well, thereís a thought," Larry says, "Balki, you have got quite a nose for news."  "Well, it is the pride of Mypos," Balki brags, showing off his nose proudly.

Some days later Balki and Larry are in the apartment at night and Larry is setting his briefcase on the kitchen table.  "Cousin, will you grade my news story?" Balki asks.  "Oh, Balki, no," Larry says, walking to the couch, "I just got back from class, I really donít feel like grading papers."  "Oh Cousin, please?" Balki begs, "Please grade my paper."  "No."  "Oh please?"  "No."  "Please?"  "No."  "Please?"  "No."  "Please?"  "No."  After a pause Balki again asks, "Please?"  "All right," Larry gives in.  Balki jumps up from the couch and runs to the table where he grabs his story from a stack of folders on the table.  The cover is decorated with tassels and shiny metal dangling ornaments which rattle as he hands it to Larry.  "Nice cover," Larry notes.  "It can also be used as a tambourine," Balki explains, "Most of my teachers give me extra credit for presentation."  Balki throws an arm around Larryís shoulder and sidles up next to him, opening he cover of the story for him to begin.  "Balki, why donít you find something else to do while I grade your paper?" Larry suggests.

"Oh, I get it," Balki finally understands, "You donít have to paint me a photograph.  Well, Iíll just, uh . . . Iíll just be doing some light housework . . . over there."  Balki gets up and walks to the counter where he grabs a feather duster and starts dusting the bookshelves without much enthusiasm, looking over his shoulder as Larry reads his story.  Balki extends the handle of the feather duster and moves closer to the couch, trying to watch Larry read.  Balki extends the handle again, moving even closer to the couch while still dusting the bookshelves and still trying to read over Larryís shoulder.  Balki finally extends the handle of the duster one last time and is standing right behind the couch while still dusting the shelves.  He leans on the back of the couch and reads over Larryís shoulder.  Larry stops reading and looks up at Balki, who finally notices Larry is looking at him.  "I thought you were dusting over there," Larry says.  "I am dusting over there," Balki points out, and Larry looks over to see the feather duster extending all the way to the bookshelves.

Larry finishes looking at the story and announces, "Okay, Iím done."  Balki sets the duster down over the couch and runs around to the front as Larry marks the story.  "Oh Cousin," Balki says excitedly, "Iím so . . . Iím so excited!  How did I do?"  "Well, Balki, remember . . . this is your first attempt," Larry answers.  "Oh, I want an A plus," Balki says, "But I know that this is my first attempt at a news story and . . . and thereís probably room for improvement, so I . . . I guess I better be prepared to live with an A."  Balki takes his story from Larry and smiles before opening the cover.  Balki keeps smiling but his eyes open wide in disbelief.  Slowly his smile falters and he leans toward Larry asking, "An F?"  "Iím sorry, Balki, but there were some fundamental mistakes," Larry explains, "Now, I know youíre a little disappointed.  But look at this as a growth experience."  "Iím gonna get taller from this?" Balki asks.  "No," Larry says, "No, I mean one can often learn more from failure than from success."  "Can I learn a little less and get a C?" Balki asks.  "No," Larry answers, "no, no.  Balki, I know I set my grading standards high but I expect a lot from my students.  Now, if you work really hard someday youíll get a paper back from me with an A on it and it will really mean something."  "Well, thatís something to shoot for," Balki says sarcastically.  Larry pats Balkiís arm and smiles, saying, "Thatís the spirit.  Good night, buddy."  Larry walks to his bedroom and as Balki look at his grade again in shock and the scene fades.

Act two begins at the school where class is in session.  Larry is at the blackboard, lecturing the class.  "Keep that in mind when you are writing.  Remember, when you organize those long, complicated sentences, try a semi-colon."  Larry extends a retractable pointer and points to the semi-colons in several sentences written out on the board.  "It may be just what you need to save your story."  Larry shuts the telescoping pointer and catches his finger in it, wincing in pain.  He opens it enough to free his finger and throws the pointer down, sucking on the sore finger.  "Now," Larry continues, "before we run out of time . . . Balki, could you give me a hand handing back the news story assignments?"  Balki sits, looking surprised.  "Balki?" Larry asks again.  Balki gets up and walks to Larry, saying, "But, Cousin, as an F student Iím not qualified to pass out papers."  "Balki, you are not an F student," Larry insists.  "Iím not?" Balki asks hopefully.  "Youíre a good student . . . who did F work," Larry explains.

"You gonna pass out the papers or are we gonna grow old together?" a large male student named Chuck asks.  Larry hands Balki some of the papers and together they start passing them out to the students.  "Now, I did see a lot of potential in these papers, but thereís also a lot of room for improvement," Larry says.  Chuck looks at his paper and says, "Hey . . . wait a minute.  This looks like an F."  "It is an F," Larry confirms, "But maybe with some hard work your next assignment can be a D."  "Hey, I got an F, too," another male student complains.  Everyone in the class starts to complain about their grades.  "All right, now, now," Larry says, "hey, remember . . . "  "Jerk," Chuck says to Larry.  "One can often learn more from failure than from success," Larry finishes.  "Who is this guy?  Mr. Rogers?" Chuck asks rhetorically.  "I have never gotten an F in my life!" the girl in front of Balki says angrily.  "You failed all of us?" Pam asks.  "And this from a guy who works in a basement!" the other male student points out.

Everyone in the class continues to complain.  "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!" Larry says, holding his hands up to stop the complaining, "I know this first assignment was tough but this is all aimed at making you good journalists."  "Who wants to be a journalist?" Chuck asks, "I wanna be a linebacker!"  The bell rings and the students stand up and walk out in a huff, most leaving their papers behind on their desks.  "Geek!" Pam calls behind her.  "Meatball," Chuck adds.  The students all leave except for Balki, who sits at his desk eyeing Larry with concern.  "I wonder what got into them?" Larry asks.  "You failed the entire class?" Balki asks in disbelief.  "Well, Balki, I told you I set my standards high," Larry says.  "Your standards are so high I canít even see them from here!" Balki says, getting up and walking to Larry.  "Balki, my standards are not that high!" Larry protests, "If I want to bring out the best in my students theyíre just gonna have to learn from their mistakes.  Like you did."

"What are you talking about?" Balki asks.  "Well, I read your second attempt at a story and, believe me, you improved!" Larry smiles.  "What?  I . . . what second attempt at a story?" Balki asks.  "Look, I know you were embarrassed to show it to me after the F but I saw your story on the kitchen table this morning so I thought Iíd help you out and grade it," Larry explains, pulling a folder out of his briefcase and handing it to Balki.  "Oh, Cousin, this isnít my story," Balki says, sitting on the corner of Larryís desk, "This is Mr. Wainwrightís story that he wrote in college."  Larry takes the folder back and asks, "Mr. Wainwright wrote this?"  "Yeah," Balki answers, taking the folder, "He gave it to me so that I could learn by looking at a really good news story.  It must be good.  He got an A on it from the prestigious Columbia University School of Journalism."  Larry pauses, then asks, "He got an A on it?"  "Yeah," Balki answers, then catches on and eyes Larry curiously, asking, "What grade did you give him?"

"Doesnít make any difference," Larry smiles uncomfortably, grabbing the edge of the folder, "Itís not your paper."  Larry pulls on the folder but Balki holds onto it tightly, pulling it back.  "But Mr. Wainwright give it to me," Balki notes.  "And you left it on the kitchen table," Larry points out, trying to pull it away again but Balki still holds onto it tightly.  "But . . . but that donít mean that you can take it," Balki says.  "Finder keepers," Larry argues.  They pull the folder back and forth until Larry finally manages to yank it out of Balkiís hand.  Balki immediately starts tickling Larry which causes him to throw the folder into the air.  Balki catches it and Larry lunges for it but Balki manages to hold him back with one arm while holding the folder out at armís length where Larry canít reach it.  Balki manages to get the folder open and holds it out again, his mouth opening in shock as Larry freezes, his arm outstretched.  "You gave Mr. Wainwright a C minus?" Balki gasps.

Larry stands up straight and tries to defend himself.  "I had my reasons.  There was no name, several comma problems and I thought it went on a bit."  Larry realizes he canít get out of this one.  "Columbia School of Journalism?" he asks.  "His instructor was Edward R. Murrow," Balki adds.  Larry gets a pained look on his face.  "Oh my Lord!" he moans.  "Cousin, I . . . Iíve got to go to another class," Balki says, holding back his laughter.  He looks at Larry and says, "Po po po!" as he gets his school bag and leaves the room.  Larry stands alone in the class, looking at Wainwrightís story, and moans, "Edward R. Murrow?"  Larry locks his briefcase and walks to the door to leave.  When he opens the door, Chuck is standing outside, giving Larry a menacing look.  "I want to discuss my grade," Chuck says seriously, " . . . and your face."  "Iíll be with you in just a moment," Larry says, shutting the door quickly and locking it, then pulling down the shade.

Later that night, Balki is sitting at the counter in the apartment with a cup of hot chocolate when Larry finally comes in.  "Hi, Cousin.  Where have you been?" Balki asks.  Larry sits at the counter and sighs, "Iíve been sitting in my classroom waiting for security to walk me out of the building.  You know, during those four hours . . . I did some thinking.  And uh . . . I think I went a little over the edge with this class."  "You know, Cousin, on Mypos when we teach sheep to jump over a fence, we donít just take them to the Great Wall of Mypos on the very first day and say ĎJump, mutton head!í" Balki explains, "No, we start little.  First, you teach the sheep to jump over your foot, which can be very encouraging for the sheep.  Although, at times, painful for the teacher.  But . . . but what you do, you, little by little, you make the goals higher and higher and before you know it those sheep are playing leap sheep all over the meadow."  "Youíre right, Balki," Larry nods, "It was an introductory class.  I was too hard on them."  "Well, you still have time to change," Balki points out.  "One of the things I did while I was hiding under my desk was to grade those papers over again," Larry says.  "Did . . . did you . . . did you grade mine?" Balki asks hopefully.  "Yes, I did," Larry answers, "This time I graded purely on content.  You got an A . . . "  "I got an A?" Balki cries excitedly.  "Balki, you got an A minus," Larry finishes. "An A minus?" Balki asks with disappointment.  "Hey, gimme a break," Larry says, "The best I could do for Mr. Wainwright was a B."

Script Variations:
There are a few segments in the shooting script dated April 3, 1989 which didn't make it into the final episode:
In the script, Balki is to enter singing "Iko Iko" instead of "Never Gonna Give You Up."  There is no direction for dancing, so Larry's line is "Balki, before you get to the second verse, let me tell you the good news."
After the Big Sheepherder on Campus line, Balki asks, "When is it?"  Larry looks at the sheet of paper and says, "Tuesdays and Thursdays.  Seven to eight thirty."  "Oh, bummer on a stick," Balki sighs, "That's bad for me.  I have another class then."  Larry facetiously says, "Oh, too bad."  "Well, at least we'll be at the same school."  (At this point in the script there is a direction which must have been an in joke . . . it reads "They start to lave and we mean NOW.") "We can meet at the cafeteria before class," Balki continues, "Now, this is very important.  You always want to stay away from the fish sticks.  And the creamed corn . . . "  "Balki, I won't have time for fish sticks," Larry assures him, "I'll be molding young minds."  "Speaking of mold," Balki says, "stay away from the cheese sandwiches." 
When Larry first starts teaching the class, he says, "I'd like to introduce you to 'Journalism 101: Introduction to Newswriting.'"  He then makes a joke, "If you're here for Chemistry 101, you're welcome to stay but you won't get credit for the class."  Larry laughs at his own joke but no one else does.
After Pam asks if Larry's background is going to be on the final exam and he says it won't, he notices the "A" student in the front row (called Student #1 in the script) is ready to take notes.  "This is not going to be on the exam," Larry tells her, "You don't have to take notes."  "I'm an 'A' student," she says, "I don't take chances."  "Neither do I," Chuck comments, and moves from his desk to the desk next to hers to copy her notes.  The 'A' student continues to write but covers her notes.
When Balki runs in all excited about a possible news story, he says he saw a cloud that looks like a camel instead of a bull moose.  He then asks about one that looks like Shelly Hack instead of Cybil Sheepherder.
After Mary Anne and Jennifer tell Balki and Larry about the food flying during the fight on the plane, Balki asks, "Are you girls okay?"  "We're fine," Mary Anne assures him, "I'm just glad we hadn't served the ice cream yet."  Jennifer then adds, "We managed to get everybody calmed down before we landed."  At the end of the scene, Balki doesn't say his nose is the pride of Mypos.  Instead he says to the girls, "Now, come on, I have to interview you like a real reporter.  Mary Anne, Jennifer, sit down, please."  Balki sits them on the couch.  "I want to get all the facts," Balki explains, "It may be hard for you, but the public has the right to know.  Let's start from the beginning.  Mary Anne, what's your name?"  "Mary Anne," she answers.  "And what's your name?" Balki asks Jennifer.  Jennifer and Larry exchange a look before she replies, "Jennifer."  "And what do you ladies do for a living?" Balki asks.  "They're flight attendants," Larry says impatiently.  "Page fourteen of the guide, 'Accuracy is important,'" Balki reminds Larry, then continues, "I have to get it from the horse's mouth.  Nothing personal."
The next scene actually begins with Larry and Balki entering the apartment.  "I think class went well," Larry notes, "They seemed enthusiastic about turning in their first assignment."  "Cousin, can you grade my paper?" Balki asks.  "You know, I'm really enjoying being a teacher," Larry smiles.  "Can you grade my paper?" Balki asks.  "I think I'm starting to make a connection with the students," Larry continues, "Except for Pam.  If she asks me one more time if something's on the final, I'm going to shove that magazine down her throat."  Balki has been sticking to Larry closely since they came in and as a result Larry accidentally sits on Balki's lap.  "Is there something I can do for you?" Larry asks.  "Well, you could grade my paper," Balki repeats.
When Balki starts to dust, he first dusts his way over to Larry.  Larry makes a small mark on Balki's paper.  "What did I do?" Balki gasps, "What did I do wrong?"  "Your name is in the wrong corner," Larry explains.  "What difference does that make?" Balki asks.  "Proper form," Larry says, "Page three of the guide."  Balki looks unhappy but continues to dust while keeping his eyes fixed on Larry.  Larry looks around to try and see what Balki is doing.  They do "look around" bit.  "I'll just go do some dusting," Balki says.  "Balki, if I'm going to do this, you're going to have to stop the interruptions.  Why don't you dust over there?"  "Over there?" Balki asks.  "Over there," Larry confirms.  "I hear you," Balki says, "I know where you're coming from.  I'm in a good place about it."
After Balki says he'll settle for an A he adds, "Of course, I didn't know about that name thing, so I'm prepared for an "A" minus.  It'll be painful, but I can live with it."  At the end of the scene Balki is looking at his paper when Larry goes to his bedroom and repeats, "I got an F?"
After Larry folds up the pointer and hurts himself, Pam, who is bored, asks, "Excuse me?  Is this going to be on the final?"  Larry impatiently answers, "Yes.  It's all going to be on the final.  Even the stuff I said wasn't going to be on the final is going to be on the final."  "Nice going, Pam," Chuck snaps.
After the class files out angrily and Larry asks, "I wonder what got into them?" Balki says, "You wonder what got into them?  You wonder what got into them?  What they had for lunch isn't the issue.  Cousin, you failed the entire class."
At the end of the scene when Chuck is at the door and Larry shuts and locks it, he then runs to the other door and tries to escape but it is locked.  The scene dissolves as Larry is trying the window.
When Larry comes in late he plops down on the couch.  He says, "I've been doing some thinking and I think maybe I went a little over the edge with this class."  "You went over the edge, down in the valley, into the river and out to the ocean," Balki agrees.  "I thought if I set the standards really high, it would challenge the students and they'd rise to the occasion," Larry explains, "Instead they put a price on my head."  "Cousin, I've been thinking too," Balki says, "Your intentions were good, but your execution really stunk up the joint."  "It sure did.  Didn't it?" Larry agrees.  After Balki explains how they train sheep to jump on Mypos, Larry agrees he was too hard on the students.  "You know, you still have some students left," Balki points out, "It's not too late to change."  "Maybe I should grade the papers over again," Larry says.  "That's the spirit, Cousin.  Will you grade mine first?" Balki asks.  Larry says he already did and the rest of the script is the same as the show.

Continue on to the next episode . . .