Strangers Episode Guide
93 - This Old House
First Air Date:
March 30, 1990
Filmed on: February 15, 1990
Nielsen Rating: 13.1 HH
TV Guide Description: Hoping
to make a quick fortune, Larry buys a fixer-upper and goes to work renovating
it, but then figures he can make more than a tidy profit.
Created by: Dale
Written by: Terry Hart
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Michael Mitz: Elliot
Stephanie Shroyer: Hope
Michael Ayr: Mr. Henderson
Kim Alexander: Mrs. Henderson
Appearances: Dimitri is seen at the beginning of the episode being given
a spray bath by Balki.
"Oh . . . the greatest center in the history of basketball."
"I think, uh . . . Cream was one of the best groups in the history of rock
"Well, Cousin, I agree weíre in debt up to our chandelier . . . "
ridiculous: Not said in this episode.
used in this episode:
"I have . . . a plan." "Oh God."
"Tell me something I do know." (A slight variation on
"Tell me something I donít know.")
"Wait a minute."
"Oh my Lord!"
"But nooooo . . . "
Other running jokes
used in this episode:
Larry has a plan
Larry makes some kind of outrageous excuse for Balki, as in this case when he
tells a couple that Balkiís from an eastern block country which are all in a
state of confusion
The Dance of Joy
Larry responds to a misconception of Balkiís glibly so they can move on
Balki laughs at his own joke
Larry cries and whines
"Sunshine of Your Love" - Balki imitates the famous guitar riff from
this Cream classic using a broom as his instrument
"The Merry Old Land of Oz" - sung by Balki with different lyrics as he
cleans the stair banister
Two weeks before this episode aired, Bronson and Mark again hosted a
night of TGIF on March 16, 1990 the night that the episode Poetry in Motion
was rerun. You can view these spots on our YouTube
- The title of this episode is derived from the
long-running home improvement PBS series This Old House, originally
hosted by Bob Vila.
- Balki makes a comment about Suzanne Somers
returning to prime time. Little did anyone know that Balkiís wish would
come true two seasons later when Suzanne starred in the Miller / Boyett series Step
by Step, which would also become a part of TGIF.
The establishing shot of the Victorian house which Larry and Balki buy
should be familiar to TV fans. Itís none other than the Mork &
Mindy house, located in Boulder, Colorado!
- During the filming of this episode, Bronson kept
laughing every time Rebeca would say the line "Itís so big!"
To read more about the filming of this episode, check out our On the Scene . . .
- Once again we are treated to a Wizard of Oz
reference when Balki sings a snippet of The Merry Old Land of Oz with
lyrics that fit the situation. Undoubtedly Bronson loved these references
to his favorite movie of all time.
- The characters of Elliot and Hope are an in-joke,
as the actors hired to play the couple resemble Timothy Busfield and Mel Harris,
who respectively portrayed the characters of Elliot and Hope on the ABCís
drama series, thirtysomething, although those characters were not married
to each other in the series.
Actor Michael Mitz, who was undoubtedly hired because of his resemblance
to Timothy Busfield, actually played a "faux Elliot" on thirtysomething!
Michael has since become a photographer and you can visit his website by
- The expression "Take a bite out of
crime" is that of the National
Crime Prevention Council and their spokes-character, McGruff the Crime Dog,
created in 1980 as a means of raising crime awareness in children.
- The second couple, Skitch and Florence Henderson
were another in-joke. Skitch Henderson was a famous pianist, conductor and
composer who worked for MGM Studios in the glory days of Hollywood.
Actress and singer Florence Henderson is best known for playing Carol Brady on The
Brady Bunch. Again, these people were not married and unlike the
previous couple the actors playing the parts bear no resemblance to their
- The "For Sale by Owner" sign on the fence outside the home is
very obviously superimposed over the establishing shot of the house.
- In this episode Balki says Mama told him never to
do the Dance of Joy alone or he would go blind. But Balki performed the
Dance of Joy alone before in the episodes First Date (where he taught
everyone how to do it alone), Dog Gone Blues and Better Shop Around.
- After Skitch offers one hundred and twenty
thousand dollars for the house and Balki acts excited about it, Larry pinches
his arm and at that moment you can see the shadow from some of the crew moving
across the stairs and floor on the right side of the screen.
episode begins in the apartment where Balki is sitting at the dining table with
Dimitri. Balki has a spray bottle and a brush, and sprays Dimitri with
water. "Dimitri, I know you donít like baths but if you insist on
crawling behind the refrigerator I have no choice." Balki starts to
scrub Dimitri with the brush. Larry rushes in through the front door
carrying a manila envelope. "Balki!" he says, running to the
table and sitting down, exclaiming, "All our dreams are about to come
true!" "Suzanne Somers is coming back to prime time?" Balki
says excitedly, hugging Larry. "No. No, Balki, thatís your
dream," Larry reminds him, "What I mean is we are going to be
rich!" "Cousin, Iíd love to be rich," Balki says,
"but donít that require money?" "No. No, you
donít understand," Larry continues, "We are going to be rich but
first we are going to buy a house." "Iíd love to buy a
house!" Balki says happily, "But again, donít we have that same
pesky money problem?"
"No! No, we donít!"
Larry answers, "I just came from a seminar called ĎDare to Make a
Fortune.í It shows you how to buy a house
for no money down. It was brilliant. Now . . . I have . . . a
plan!" "Oh God," Balki gasps. "A plan that is
going to make us both rich beyond our wildest dreams!" Larry states.
"Cousin, Iíve been keeping some notes on plans youíve had over the
years." Balki gets up and reaches down to pick up a huge book with
Myposian decorations on the cover from the bookshelf beneath the window.
He tosses the voluminous tome onto the table and sits back down. Balki
opens the book as a reference. "Seven of your plans have cost me
money . . . thirteen of your plans have cost me pride and dignity . . . and
three of them eventually required an ointment." Balki closes the book
and pushes it aside. "Okay, fine," Larry says, "If you
donít want to ĎDare to Make a Fortune,í I guess thatís up to you."
"Well, thank you for letting me off the hook so easily," Balki says,
taking up the brush again to resume cleaning Dimitri.
"If you want to reject a basic
principle of the American way of life, I guess you can do that," Larry
continues. "All right, can we
just skip to the part where I give in?" Balki asks, "Because this is
really eating up my day." Larry throws his arm around Balki and says,
"All right, partner. Now hereís the plan. We buy a house.
We get the owner to carry back paper. We donít need money because the
seller takes a second, reimburses the buyer for the amount of the down.
You understand?" "Everything except the part that came after
ĎAll right, partner,í" Balki replies. "Trust me, Balki,
Iíll guide you through it," Larry promises, "After we buy a house
for no money we fix it up a little and then we sell it. We use the profits
to buy a better house. And then we sell that house for an even bigger
profit and so on. So what do you say, Balki? Shall we ĎDare to
Make a Fortune?í" "Well . . . why not?" Balki agrees,
"Today I . . . I went to the park and some kid dared me to eat a bug.
I got through that." Balki licks at his teeth as Larry eyes him
see a large Victorian-style home. Inside, there are drop cloths and newspapers
scattered about the empty house. Larry is looking at paint sample fan
deck, holding it up against one wall. "White . . . eggshell . . .
cream," Larry says to himself as he tries to decide which color is best.
We hear Balkiís voice on the second floor saying, "Mary Anne, check out
these floors. Theyíre peg Ďn groove!" "Balki?"
Larry calls. "Yeah?" Balki asks as he comes down the stairs
carrying a broom. "What do you think of cream?" Larry asks.
"Oh . . . the greatest center in the history of basketball," Balki
answers. "Not Kareem," Larry clarifies, "Cream.
Cream. C-R-E-A-M." "Oh, Cream," Balki laughs at his
mistake, "I feel like an idiot. I think, uh . . . Cream was one of
the best groups in the history of rock Ďn roll." Balki picks up the
broom like a guitar and starts doing the riff from "Sunshine of Your
and Mary Anne, who are dressed in their stewardess uniforms, come down the
stairs. "Girls, what do you think?" Balki asks.
"Guys, Iím impressed," Jennifer says, "This house is
beautiful." "Yeah, and itís so big!" Mary Anne adds.
"Tell me something I do know," Balki says, "This house is
as nice as the palace of the King of Mypos only instead of a stairway coming
down from the bedroom his serene highness has a waterslide. Cousin, I was
wondering . . . " "No," Larry answers immediately.
"Uh, I . . . couldnít we put in a waterslide?" Balki asks.
"No," Larry repeats, "No major remodeling. Weíre just
gonna clean the place up, slap on a new coat of paint, turn it over for a quick
profit and we move on to our next house." "That sounds
great," Jennifer comments, "Who are you going to hire to do the
work?" "Well, weíre gonna do it ourselves," Larry informs
"Oh," Jennifer responds.
Mary Anne doesnít say anything. "Ladies, Iím picking up a little
doubt here," Larry notes, "Balki and I
know what weíre doing. We donít need any professional help."
"Well, youíre right," Jennifer says, "You . . . youíll
probably do a great job." "Wanna bet?" Mary Anne asks her.
"Uh, Mary Anne, come on," Jennifer says, "Uh, weíre gonna miss
our flight." Jennifer and Larry kiss, Larry saying, "Bye
bye." Balki kisses Mary Anne on both cheeks, then takes the broom and
sweeps it over her feet. Mary Anne giggles, "Youíre sweeping me off
my feet again!" She and Balki both laugh and poke playfully at each
other, Balki saying, "Get outta here." Mary Anne and Jennifer
then head for the door, Mary Anne calling, "Bye!" to them as they
leave. "Okay, letís get to work," Larry says as he reaches for
a tall ladder. "Okay," Balki says, then adds, "Cousin,
maybe . . . maybe the girls were right. Maybe we should have hired
professional help." "Oh, nonsense," Larry argues, "A
professional would cost us money and weíre here to make a fortune, not to
spend one. All right . . . letís get started."
bends down to pick up a little bucket with brushes in it as Larry turns,
swinging the ladder around and barely missing Balki. Balki stands back up.
"Oh, uh, Balki, wanna grab that drop cloth?" Larry asks.
"Oh sure," Balki says, bending back down to pick up the drop cloth as
Larry swings the ladder back over his head, again barely missing him. "I
tell you what," Larry suggests, handing Balki the ladder, "You set up
the ladder and, uh . . . Iíll get the brushes." "Okay,"
Balki says. "All right," Larry sighs, reaching down to get the
brushes as Balki turns, swinging the ladder over Larryís head, barely missing
him, and then around again. "Oh, Cousin?" Balki asks as Larry
catches the ladder as itís about to hit him. "Ooh! Careful,
Balki," Larry smiles, "A ladder is not a toy."
"Cousin, youíre absolutely right," Balki agrees, "Thank
you." They both turn around and the ladder swings with Balki and hits
Larry right in the nose.
see an establishing shot of the house with a "For Sale by Owner" sign
on the fence, then the words "Two Weeks Later" come up. Inside
the house, Balki is cleaning the stair banister and singing, "Spritz spritz
spritz, rub rub rub and a couple of tra-la-las; Thatís how we shine the
banister in this merry old house of ours." Larry rushes in the front
door and says, "Balki, a car just pulled up. We are going to have
this house sold by lunch." There is a knock at the door and a man and
woman enter. "Uh, we saw the sign out front," the man says.
"Oh yeah, come in. Come on in," Larry welcomes them, "Uh,
take a look around." "Iím Elliot," the man introduces
himself, "This is my wife, Hope." "Oh, hi," Balki
smiles as he shakes Hopeís hand. "Iím Larry. This is my
cousin, Balki," Larry smiles.
much are you asking for the house?" Elliot asks. "A hundred and
fifty thousand dollars," Larry answers. "Unless you went to the
ĎDare to Make a Fortuneí seminar, in which case you know how to get a house
for free," Balki adds. "Forgive him," Larry offers,
"Heís from an eastern block country. Theyíre all in a state of
confusion. Why donít you take a look around?"
"Thanks," Elliot says, then motions to his wife, "Honey?"
They walk through a door. As soon as theyíre gone, Larry slaps Balki on
the back of the head. "What is the matter with you? They are
going to buy this house. If youíll keep your mouth shut we could be on
our way to being filthy rich!" Elliot and Hope emerge through another
door. "You know," Elliot observe, "This house is exactly
like the one we saw down the street." "I like the other house
better than this one," Hope says. "You mean the one they built
on top of the old cemetery?" Larry asks.
. . . would you excuse us for a minute, please?" Elliot asks. He
takes his wife aside and Larry and Balki try to listen in. "Honey,
the only difference is the other house has new doors and a fancy chandelier in
the entry," Elliot points out, "and theyíre asking twenty thousand
dollars more than these guys want for this place." Larry and Balki
are leaning toward the couple, then pull back when they turn to look at them.
"I think we should snap this place up before somebody else buys it,"
Elliot says. "Letís do it," Hope agrees. They turn to
Larry and Balki. "Okay, weíll take the house," Elliot
announces. "Cousin, we sold a house!" Balki exclaims happily,
"Now we are so happy we do the Dance of Joy!" Balki starts doing
the Dance of Joy but Larry walks down the steps to the couple.
follows anxiously, saying, "Cousin . . . Cousin . . . Mama told me never to
do the Dance of Joy alone or I would go blind." "Iím sorry,
the house is not for sale," Larry says. "But . . . but you just
said it was," Elliot points out. "Cousin, heís right,"
Balki agrees, "I was right here. I heard you." "I
know," Larry says, "But, uh . . . well I was born in this house . . .
and so were my parents . . . and all my close friends. The memories just
came rushing back and, well . . . itís just not for sale. Iím
sorry." He leads them to the door, saying, "But I hope you find
something else . . . and maybe in the neighborhood." "I . . . I
really like this house," Elliot protests, "Iíd like to buy this
house." "Iím sorry," Balki offers as they leave.
"Very nice to meet you," Larry adds as the couple leave.
"Cousin, I thought you were born in Madison, Wisconsin," Balki says.
"I was," Larry answers.
they moved this house all the way from Wisconsin?" Balki asks with
amazement. "Yes," Larry answers, "Balki, didnít you hear
what those people said? If we put in some new doors, some fixtures and a
chandelier, we could get an extra twenty thousand dollars for this place."
"Wait a minute," Balki says, "You werenít born in this house.
I bet not even half your friends were born in this house. You just want to
make more money." "Yes, I want to make more money," Larry
admits, "And if we do a little remodeling thatís exactly what weíll do.
Balki, I have . . . a plan!" Balki looks upward and mouths, "Oh
God." "We are going to ĎDare to Make a Bigger
Fortune!í" Larry states. "And me with no ointment," Balki
says worriedly and the scene fades to black.
time later, Balki and Larry are getting ready to hoist a huge chandelier up to
the high ceiling in the entryway. They are wearing workmanís overalls.
"Well, Balki, weíre in the home stretch," Larry says, "All we
have to do is hang this chandelier then we can sell this baby and move on to our
next house." "Cousin, youíre turning me into a believer,"
Balki says, "The house looks great and you got a good deal on this
chandelier." "Yeah . . . great chandelier," Larry observes,
"You know, life is funny. The Driscoll Hotel is condemned . . .
hundreds of people lose their jobs . . . bad for them, good for us."
Larry smiles and Balki gives him a look. "Come on," Larry says,
"Letís hoist this baby into place." The chandelier is attached
to a pulley with a rope hanging down by the stairway. Larry and Balki
grips the rope. "All right, ready?" Larry asks.
"Yeah," Balki replies.
Larry prompts, and they both start pulling in earnest at the rope but the
chandelier doesnít budge an inch off the floor. Larry lets go of the
rope and assesses the situation while Balki continues to pull, not realizing
Larry has let go. "Are we there yet?" Balki asks.
"No, itís not working," Larry reports. Balki is surprised to
see heís pulling the rope alone and that it hasnít budged. "Balki,
weíre using too much brawn, not enough brains," Larry states, then he
eyes the staircase and says, "What we need is more leverage. Balki,
follow me." Larry leads them up the steps on the outside of the stair
banister. They walk up until they are well above the floor and can reach
the rope thatís hanging down. "Grab on to the rope," Larry
instructs. Balki spits on his hands and takes hold of the rope.
jumps off the step as Larry also grabs on to the rope. "You
ready?" Larry asks. "Yeah," Balki says. Larry jumps
off the step and their weight pulls the chandelier upward as they slowly drop to
the floor. "There we go," Larry says, "Balki, a couple more
jumps off the stairs and weíll have this baby in place." There is
the sound of tinkly music coming from somewhere outside.
"Cousin!" Balki cries, "Cousin! You hear that?"
"What?" Larry asks. "Itís the ice cream truck coming down
the street!" Balki cries, and he lets go of the rope to run outside.
"Huh?" Larry asks as the weight of the chandelier starts to pull him
up into the air. "Whoa! Balki! Balki! Balki!"
The chandelier gently drops to the ground and Larry is left hanging up high.
Balki comes back in and eyes Larry, offering, "Sorry, Cousin."
the chandelier is in place on the high ceiling. Larry is at the top of a
very tall ladder, screwing bulbs into the fixture. Balki climbs up the
other side of the ladder with some more bulbs. "Well, Balki, weíre
in the home stretch," Larry notes, "All we have to do is finish
putting in these light bulbs then we can sell this baby and move on to our next
house." "Well, Cousin, if we do weíll have to start a new
category for your plans," Balki says, handing Larry another bulb.
"Yeah? Whatís that?" Larry asks. "Plans that
work," Balki says, then he laughs at his own joke and slaps Larry, knocking
him slightly off balance. Larry hangs on to the chandelier and keeps his
balance but warns, "Whoop . . . ho . . . careful."
"Sorry," Balki offers.
"Letís just finish putting in these light bulbs," Larry suggests.
Balki starts to help with the bulbs, reaching
out to pull an empty socket closer to them. Balki suddenly slips from the
ladder and hangs onto the chandelier, which spins. Larry is also pulled
off the ladder, hanging on to the chandelier as it goes around. "Get
the ladder! Get the ladder!" Larry cries. They both try to hook
the ladder with their legs as they go past. A s Balki reaches for it he
accidentally kicks the ladder, which rolls away. They are left hanging on
the spinning chandelier, Larry giving Balki a dirty look and Balki looking
Still later, Larry and Balki have managed
to pull themselves up into the chandelier where they are sitting.
"Well, Cousin, weíre in the home stretch," Balki says sarcastically,
"All we have to do is find a way to get down from here and then we can sell
this baby and move on to our next house. I donít suppose you went to a
seminar on how to get out of a light fixture?" Balki laughs at his
own joke, mouthing, "Where do I come up with them?" and shaking one of
the strands of crystals. He stops nervously when the chandelier shakes.
"Come on, Balki, we can get through this," Larry says, "Itís
not like weíre the first guys to get stuck in a chandelier."
"Cousin, letís be honest," Balki suggests, "Jennifer was right.
We . . . we should have hired
professional help. I mean, cleaning and painting were easy but now weíre
in over our heads. In fact . . . I think weíre in over most peopleís
Again Balki laughs at his own joke and
slaps his knee, then Larryís back, making the chandelier shake again.
"Well, who had time to hire professional help?" Larry asks,
"Weíre racing against the clock. We gotta sell this house within
the next ten days." "Wait a minute, why are we in such a
hurry?" Balki asks, "I was hoping to join the neighborhood watch and
take a bite out of crime." "Balki . . . thereís part of the
plan I didnít tell you about," Larry confesses. "Nothing good
can follow that sentence," Balki observes. "Itís true we
bought the house for no money down," Larry explains, "but in ten days
our house payment is due." "Uh huh," Balki hums, "Just
out of curiosity, how much would that house payment be?" "A
hundred and forty thousand dollars," Larry answers. "A
hundred and forty thousand dollars?" Balki gasps.
"I got a thirty day loan," Larry
says, "I thought thatís all we needed. Who knew?" There
is a knock at the door and Mary Anne and Jennifer enter. "Yoo hoo!"
Mary Anne calls, looking around and saying, "Well, they said they were
gonna be here." "Larry, Balki, are you here?" Jennifer
calls. "Yes," Larry answers. "Weíre up here,"
Balki admits meekly. The girls look up at the guys sitting on the
chandelier. "Hi, guys! The house looks great!" Mary Anne
smiles. "You should see it from up here," Balki says.
"This a bad time?" Jennifer asks. "No, no . . . no, no, no,
no, no, no," Larry assures her, "Weíre just finishing up. C .
. . c . . . could you just slide that ladder over here?" "Okay,
I owe you twenty bucks," Jennifer says to Mary Anne, who looks smug.
They walk over to get the ladder.
Once again we see the "For Sale by
Owner" sign in front of the house, this time with the words "Ten Days
Later" on the screen. A
couple are walking to the front door and Larry is chasing them. "If
you donít like the color we can repaint," Larry tells them, "I . . .
I wanted to go with cream. I . . . I thought it would look really nice in
here . . . " The couple leaves. Larry walks to Balki, who is
writing on a notepad. "Looky-loos," Larry dismisses the couple,
"Balki, we havenít received a single offer. Our house payment is
due. If we donít get at least a hundred and forty thousand dollars for
this house weíll be ruined." "Well, Cousin, I . . . I agree
weíre in debt up to our chandelier but . . . I figured it out. If we
sell everything we own weíll only be short . . . one hundred and thirty-two
thousand dollars." Larry starts to cry. Balki puts a hand on
his shoulder and says, "Cousin, I can see nothingís going to cheer you
up." Larry continues to cry and whine, pointing to Balkiís figures.
couple comes down the stairs behind them. "Are you the owners?"
the man asks. "Oh . . . I know," Larry sighs, "The
colorís wrong. The rooms are too small. Thanks for stopping
by." "Well, yes, but weíre still interested in the
house," the man says. "You are?" Larry perks up.
"Weíre the Hendersons," the man introduces them, "Iím Skitch
and this is my wife, Florence." "Hello," Florence smiles.
"Well, youíre just in time," Larry says, "My associate and I
were just considering which offer on the house to accept." "We
were?" Balki asks. "Oh, youíve had a lot of offers?" Mrs.
Henderson says worriedly. "Yes," Larry assures her.
"We have?" Balki asks Larry. "Yes, but we can always
consider another one," Larry says, "Donít you agree, Balki?
Balki? Balki?" Larry slaps Balkiís back to get him to catch
on. "Yes, yes," Balki agrees, "In fact, if we had one more
offer it might help us to decide which offer to accept."
how much are you asking?" Mr. Henderson inquires. "A hundred and
seventy thousand dollars," Larry answers. "A hundred and
twenty," Mr. Henderson offers. "A hundred and twenty!"
Balki says excitedly, but Larry pinches his arm. "You know, in some
parts of the world an offer that low would be considered an insult and my
associate would have to beat himself with a leather strap," Larry smiles,
"I would like to point out that the chandelier alone is worth ten thousand
dollars. You wonít find another one like it anywhere."
"Unless another hotel goes belly up," Balki adds. "All
right, a hundred and forty thousand," Mr. Henderson offers. Balki
looks up at the chandelier in time to see it start to pull loose from the
ceiling, hanging only by a few wires. Balki lets out a cry of alarm.
know, I know, Balki," Larry says, "Iím a little shocked at their
offer myself. A hundred and forty thousand dollars? Mr. Henderson,
you canít expect me to seriously consider an offer that low." Balki
looks up to see the chandelier drop even more. "Cousin! Cousin!
Cousin!" Balki gasps desperately, pointing upward. "Heíll come
up," Larry assures him, "Mr. Henderson, my price is a hundred and
seventy thousand dollars firm." The chandelier drops down again.
"Cousin, Cousin," Balki says as the Hendersons turn away to talk about
it. "No, Balki, Iím not coming down," Larry insists.
"Itís not your coming down thatís worrying me," Balki explains,
then asks the Hendersons, "Would you excuse us?" Balki takes
Larry aside. "Cousin, the chandelier is falling!" Balki
points out. Larry looks up to see it hanging by one wire.
my Lord!" Larry gasps, "We gotta close this deal fast!"
"No, no, no, no, Cousin," Balki says, "We canít sell them a
house with a falling chandelier!" "Balki, if we sell the house I
promise Iíll hire a professional to fix the chandelier," Larry says,
trying to get back to the Hendersons. "You promise?" Balki stops
him. "I promise," Larry says. "Okay," Balki
agrees, and they hurry back to the couple. "A hundred and seventy
thousand dollars, youíve got yourself a house," Larry says as he and
Balki shakes their hands, "Why donít we walk out to my car and sign the
papers?" "Why donít we run out to your car?" Balki
suggests, and they try to hurry the Hendersons to the door. "Wait a
minute, wait a minute," Mrs. Henderson asks, "Iíve lost my contact
lens." She is about to look on the floor under the chandelier when
Balki and Larry grab her arms and lift her up the steps and out of harmís way.
no no no!" Balki cries. "Thereís a free set of contact lenses
come with the house," Larry smiles. "But Iíd like my
contact lens, please," Mrs. Henderson says, trying to go look again.
Balki and Larry stop her. "No, no, no," Larry and Balki insists,
then look at each other. "Weíll . . . weíll do it together,"
Balki suggests, as he and Larry walk to the edge of the steps and look up
nervously. "Ready?" Balki asks. "Yeah," Larry
answers. They lunge down the steps and throw themselves on the floor,
crawling around desperately on their hands and knees as they search for the
wayward contact lens. Occasionally Larry looks up nervously at the
chandelier dangling precariously above them.
Larry cries out, "Iíve got it! Iíve got it!" and he picks up
the contact lens and they run to the Hendersons. "There you go,"
Larry says, handing the lens to Mrs. Henderson. "Thank you very
much," she says. "No trouble," Balki assures her.
"Is something wrong?" Mr. Henderson asks suspiciously. "No!
No, no," Larry scoffs, "Everything is fine and congratulations, you
just bought yourself a house for a hundred and forty thousand dollars."
At that moment the chandelier drops from the ceiling, falling in slow motion.
Everyone watches in horror as the fixture crashes to the floor, pieces of
crystal and metal scattering in all directions. "Okay, a hundred and
thirty five thousand," Larry offers.
at the apartment, Balki and Larry are sitting by the fireplace. Balki is
again figuring on his notepad. "Well, Cousin, I figured it out.
ĎDaring to Make a Fortuneí only cost us forty-two dollars . . . a month . .
. for the rest of our lives." "Iím sorry, Balki," Larry
offers, "I guess I just let my greed hormones run wild again. I could
have sold the house for a nice little profit, but noooo. It wasnít
enough for Larry Appleton." "Noooo, it wasnít," Balki
agrees. "I wanted more," Larry sighs. "Yes, you
did," Balki nods. "Well, I learned my lesson," Larry adds.
"Oh, I doubt that," Balki argues. "No, Balki, I did,"
Larry insists, "In fact next week Iím taking a seminar: ĎHow to Profit
from Your Mistakes.í" "Well, Cousin, if there is a profit to
be made from mistakes, youíre gonna be a rich man," Balki observes.
On Larryís reaction the episode ends.
There were some things
in the Shooting Draft script dated February 14, 1990 which didn't make it into
the final episode:
the script, Balki is said to be cleaning Dimitri with upholstery cleaner.
- After Larry says that Balki can
reject a basic principle of the American way of life he could do that, Balki
says, "Thank you again." "But as a citizen of this great
nation I've got to tell you, I'd rather see you spit on the flag," Larry
continues. "Cousin, I wouldn't spit on the flag," Balki insists.
"It sure sounds like it," Larry counters. This is when Balki
asks if they can just skip to the part where he gives in. After saying
"This is eating up my day," he adds, "I mean Dimitri isn't going
to clean himself."
- After Balki performs "Sunshine
of Your Love" with the broom, Larry sighs, "Forget it, Balki.
We'll just paint it blue."
- After Larry tells Jennifer and Mary
Anne that they're going to do the work themselves and Jennifer just says,
"Oh," Balki says, "Cousin Larry says it's just clean up and some
new paint." Mary Anne then says, "From personal experience I've
always found that if you're changing the color of something you should have a
professional do it. Unless you're going to let it grow out."
- After Larry tells Balki that they'll
be on their way to being filthy rich, Balki comments, "Filthy rich?
Cousin, I don't want to be rich if it means giving up good hygiene."
- Balki and Larry pull on the rope
attached to the chandelier but it doesn't budge. Larry them prompts them
to try again, saying, "Okay, harder this time. Ready, pull."
- When Balki and Larry climb up the
side of the stairs close together, Balki says, "Aren't you glad you use
Dial? I know I am."
- When Balki comes back in the house
after running out to catch the ice cream truck and finds Larry dangling high
above the ground, he says, "I'm sorry, Cousin. I wasn't thinking.
You want a fudgesicle?"
- When Balki and Larry fall off the
ladder and hang onto the chandelier, Balki manages to get his legs around the
ladder and pull it closer, allowing himself and Larry to climb back onto it.
"How could you do something so stupid?" Larry asks.
"Easy," Balki replies, "I just did this." Balki falls
off the ladder again, as does Larry, and this time they can't get the ladder
- After Balki mimics Larry
sarcastically about getting down from the chandelier and moving on to their next
house, Larry says, "Balki, listen." Balki listens.
"Isn't that the ice cream truck?" Larry asks. Balki starts to
move then realizes that Larry has tricked him. "I suppose you blame
me for getting up stuck up here," Balki says. "Well, you're the
one who kicked the ladder away," Larry points out. "Well, you're
the one who went to that seminar," Balki argues, and then says he doesn't
suppose he went to a seminar on how to get out of a light fixture.
- When Mr. Henderson asks how much
they're asking for the house, Larry replies, "You can be the proud owner of
this fine example of American architecture for one hundred, seventy thousand
- After Larry explains how in some
parts of the world the offer would be considered an insult and Balki would have
to beat himself with a leather strap, Larry adds, "But I'm not going to
take offense." "Thank you, Cousin," Balki says.
- As the chandelier is coming loose
and Larry is negotiating, he tells Mr. Henderson, "I'll drop my price to
one hundred fifty thousand because you remind me of my Uncle Phil."
- When Mrs. Henderson wants her
contact lens, and Balki and Larry stop her from looking, Balki says, "I'll
get it." "Balki, are you sure you want to do this?" Larry
asks. "Yes, Cousin," Balki replies, "You've got your whole
life ahead of you. I feel like I should go." "I can't let
you do that for me, Balki," Larry says, "I'd never forgive myself is
something happened to you." "I'll find it myself," Mr.
Henderson interrupts. "No! No! No! No!" Balki
and Larry cry out. Then they agree to go together.
- When Balki and Larry are crawling on
the floor looking for the contact lens, Balki says, "I found it."
Larry crawls over to Balki and looks at what he's got. "That's a
toenail," Larry informs him. The directions then say, "Larry
throws the shell aside . . . " ???
- The rest of the script is the same.
on to the next episode . . .