Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 95 - Eyewitless Reports

First Air Date: April 27, 1990
Nielsen Rating: 12.7 HH

TV Guide Description: A state trooper hears differing heroic tales about how, on a newspaper-sponsored trip to a mountain retreat, the gang and Mr. Gorpley trapped an escaped killer (Rick Zumwalt).

Co-Producer: James OíKeefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: John B. Collins
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Sam Anderson: Mr. Sam Gorpley

Guest Cast:
Rick Zumwalt: Howard "Mad Dog" Krause
Robbie Howard: Trooper

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri is not seen in this episode.

Balki-isms:
There are no Balki-isms in this episode.

Donít be ridiculous: A variation of the phrase is said in Gorpleyís version of the story, where he has Balki saying, "Of course I do. I am ridiculous!"

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Balki, Balki, Balki . . . "
"What are we talking about?"
"Wwowww!"

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Balki laughs at his own joke
Larry makes a suggestive statement to Balki, who pretends he knows what Larry means, they share some knowing looks and sounds, then Balki asks what theyíre talking about
Larry has a plan

Songs: The Hokey Pokey - sung as "Bingi Bingi" by Balki and Mary Anne at the end of the episode.

Myposian Ritual:
The Bingi Bingi - a Myposian version of the Hokey Pokey.

Interesting facts:
-
The title of this episode, Eyewitless Reports, is a pun on the expression "eyewitness reports."
- Rick Zumwalt made an amazing comedic impact on this episode playing Howard "Mad Dog" Krause.  Rick was an arm wrestling champion who acted in several movies and television shows, most notably playing Bob "Bull" Burley in the 1987 Sylvester Stallone film, Over the Top.  Very sadly, he passed away in 2003 at the age of 51.
-
This common sitcom devise of having several different characters recount their own version of a particular event is based upon the premise of the 1950 Akira Kurosawa film, Rashoman, in which four different versions of a violent crime are told by four very different witnesses.
- This is one of the few episodes in the series (up to season seven, at least) where no scenes take place in Larry and Balkiís apartment or, even rarer, in the basement of the Chronicle building!
- Robbie Howard, who played the trooper in this episode, is now a very successful performer in Las Vegas, noted for his singing, comedy and vocal impressions.  You can find out more about him at his official website.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
-
At the end of the episode when Balki and Mary Anne start to do the "Bingi Bingi," you can see that Rebeca accidentally says "Bingi Bingi" instead of just one "Bingi," and she shakes her head and looks frustrated at her mistake, even though it was left in the show.


Synopsis:
The episode begins in a wooded area.  We see a nice cabin nestled amidst the trees and hear Larryís voice calling, "Come on, Jennifer and Mary Anne!  Just a little farther!"  Larry is standing in the doorway of the cabin, looking outside, then turns and walks into the large living room where Balki has already set down his bags.  "Cousin, why . . . why you did take a cabin two miles away from the rest of the group?  Are you trying to add to your frequent hikerís mileage?"  Balki laughs at his own joke.  "Balki, Balki, Balki," Larry sighs, "While everyone else from the Chronicle is way down the hill playing volleyball, weíll be up here with Jennifer and Mary Anne playing . . . different games."  Larry gives Balki a knowing look, asking, "Huh?  Huh?"  Balki nods in acknowledgment and they share some knowing looks and gestures.  They laugh and Balki says, "Stop . . . stop . . . "  Finally Balki asks, "What are we talking about?"  "Iíll explain it to you later," Larry sighs.

Mary Anne and Jennifer enter, out of breath.  "Ah, I love getting back to nature," Jennifer smiles.  "So do I," Mary Anne agrees, "I just wish it wasnít so far out in the country."  Jennifer closes the front door.  "Hey," Larry says as he places a bag of groceries on the kitchen counter, "Isnít this place great?  Totally separate from civilization.  No television, no telephone . . . "  "Cousin, look!" Balki exclaims, "A radio!"  Balki runs across the room and picks up a small transistor radio from a shelf.  "I wonder . . . I wonder if we can get W-A-N-E?  WANE.  All Wayne Newton all the time."  "Ooh, thatís my favorite station," Mary Anne says, "Let me try."  Balki hands her the radio and Jennifer walks over to Larry.  "Nice cabin, Larry," she comments.  "Well, thanks," Larry says, putting his arms around her, "I reserved it way in advance to make sure we had a nice, private, secluded cabin all to ourselves."

Mr. Gorpley suddenly appears, walking out of the back.  "The damn toiletís backed up!" he complains loudly, "I canít believe Iím stuck in this crummy cabin!"  "Gorpley . . . what are you doing here?" Larry asks.  "Would you believe it?" Mr. Gorpley asks, "The idiots in my cabin threw me out!"  "Of course we believe it, Mr. Gorpley," Balki says, trying to be nice.  Mary Anne is still trying to find the radio station when news bulletin music plays.  "Ooh, quiet everybody, thereís a new bulletin!" she says.  They listen to the announcer on the radio as he says, "Convicted killer, Howard ĎMad Dogí Krause has escaped from prison.  Krause is six-feet-four, completely bald and is considered extremely dangerous.  He was last seen in the vicinity of the Big Piney National Forest."  "Wait a minute," Larry says, "Weíre in the Big Piney National Forest!  What if Mad Dog shows up here?"  "Well, if he does, nobody try to pet him," Balki warns.

"You know, maybe we better leave," Jennifer suggests, "Weíre very isolated up here."  "Oh my God, Iím gonna die!" Mr. Gorpley cries, "And Iíve already paid this monthís alimony."  "Letís get outta here," Mary Anne says.  "Yeah, good idea," Mr. Gorpley agrees, and they all start reaching for the bags except for Balki.  "Wait a minute!  Wait a minute!  Wait a minute!  People!" Balki gets their attention, "We came up here to have fun.  Now donít tell me that youíre going to let our whole weekend be ruined by one six-foot-four, bald-headed psychotic killer.  Youíre letting your fears get the best of you.  This happened once on Mypos.  It was right after the Great Cucumber Famine . . . "  "Bartokomous, we have no time to listen to a stupid Mypos story," Mr. Gorpley complains, "Letís get outta here!"  "W . . . w . . . wait a minute," Larry urges, "Iíve heard this story."  "Wanna hear it again?" Balki asks.  "No!" everyone says emphatically.  "Balkiís right," Larry explains, "Weíre overreacting.  I mean, this is a big forest.  What are the chances of Mad Dog finding this cabin?"

"Well, Iím gonna lock the door, just in case," Mary Anne says, heading for the front door.  "All right, Iíll start dinner," Larry says, walking into the kitchen, "By the time the steaks are done weíll all realize how silly weíre being."  There is a big window behind Larry and suddenly a huge, bald man appears on the other side.  Jennifer, Mr. Gorpley, Balki and Mary Anne, who are all facing the window, let out a scream.  "Hey, I thought we all agreed steak was okay," Larry says.  Larry finally turns around and sees Mad Dog and also screams, closing the shutters over the window.  "Oh my God!" Larry cries, "Itís him!  Itís ĎMad Dogí Krause!"  "What are we gonna do?" Mary Anne asks.  "The only thing we can do is make a run for it!" Larry says.  They head for the front door but there is a loud pounding coming from the other side.  Everyone huddles together in the middle of the living room.  The pounding continues and Mad Dog yells, "Open up!" through the door.  He then starts rattling the door handle, trying to open the door.

"Mary Anne and Jennifer, hide in the closet!" Balki instructs.  The girls run to hide in the closet and Mr. Gorpley starts to follow them.  "Not you!  Not you, Mr. Gorpley!" Balki says, grabbing the back of his shirt and pulling him back.  "Somebody should stay with the women," Mr. Gorpley says, and he tries to run to the closet again.  Balki hangs on to the back of his shirt.  "Well, thank you very much, Mr. Gorpley.  Thatís very brave of you.  But I think weíre going to need you out here.  Now, listen, this is my idea.  If Mr. Mad Dog comes in here and kills all three of us, then . . . then he might get tired and the girls can escape while heís resting."  Mad Dog pounds on the door again and Mr. Gorpley hides behind Larry.  "I gotta come up with a plan!" Larry says.  "Itís a . . . itís a lucky thing that door is good and thick," Balki notes, "You . . . youíll have plenty of time to think of something."  Mad Dogís fist smashes through the door, then reaches down to unlock it.  "Timeís up!" Balki states.  Mad Dog throws the door open and steps inside, eyeing them with a vicious smile.  "Oh, this is gonna be fun!" he says, and as Larry, Balki and Mr. Gorpley back away nervously, the killer advances on them.

The next scene cuts to a state trooper telling two other officers to "Go ahead, get him out of here."  Mad Dog fights back as heís escorted in handcuffs out the door.  The trooper turns to Larry, Balki, Mary Anne, Jennifer and Mr. Gorpley, who are sitting in the living room.  "I canít believe you people captured ĎMad Dogí Krause," the trooper says, "You know, the last time he was captured it took half the National Guard."  He opens his notepad and asks, "So, uh . . . howíd you do it?"  Everyone starts to talk at once, trying to tell their side of the story.  "Wait!  Hold it!  Hold it!  Hold it!" the trooper cries, then he points to Mr. Gorpley and suggests, "You.  You tell me what happened."  The trooper sits down and then adds, "And uh, try to stick to the facts.  You know, sometimes people get a little elaborate with their stories."  "We all came up here on this crummy trip the newspaper sponsored.  I think it was supposed to bring the employees close together," Mr. Gorpley scoffs.  The scene begins to dissolve to Mr. Gorpleyís version of what happened.

"I was in the back when I heard Tweedledum and Tweedldumber come in," Mr. Gorpley narrates.  Larry and Balki enter, carrying the bags and groceries.  They act a lot stupider in Mr. Gorpleyís version.  "Balki, I canít believe it," Larry smiles, "You, me, Jennifer and Mary Anne alone in a mountain cabin.  You know what that means?"  "Well, of course I do! I am ridiculous!" Balki says, "Youíre going to try to trick Jennifer into kissing you!"  "Yeah!" Larry confirms, and they both laugh and make "Ooh!" noises.  "Then things got interesting," Mr. Gorpley continues, "The babes came in."  Jennifer and Mary Anne enter.  In Mr. Gorpleyís version their breasts are outrageously huge. "I donít know why we have to have a cabin so far away from Sam Gorpley," Mary Anne complains.  "You know, this can only mean one thing," Jennifer says, "Larryís going to try to trick me into kissing him again."  "Ewwww!" both girls whine.  Jennifer closes the door.

"Look Cousin!  A toaster!" Balki cries, running across the room.  He stops to observes the girlsí well-endowed forms and says, "Wwowww!" before continuing to the shelf where he picks up the radio which he carries back to Larry.  "Cousin, get the bread!  It just wouldnít be Friday without toast!"  "Well, I like my Friday toast as much as you do, Balki," Larry smiles, "But thatís not a toaster.  Itís a radio."  Larry turns it on and music starts to play.  Balki is surprised and asks, "A . . . a radio?  Where do you put the bread?"  Larry takes the radio and sets it on the counter.  Mr. Gorpley walks out of the back, looking rugged, and announces, "I just killed a rattlesnake in the bathroom.  Anybody need a belt?"  "Jennifer!  Samís here!" Mary Anne exclaims and the girls run to him.  "Thank God!  A real man!" Jennifer says.  "Heís mine, I saw him first," Mary Anne insists.  "But I want him!" Jennifer insists.  "Heís mine!" Mary Anne argues.  "I want him!" Jennifer repeats.  "Girls, please," Mr. Gorpley stops the argument, "Thereís enough of me to go around."

"Mr. Gorpley," Balki says, "Welcome to our bingi bingi.  Youíre just in time for dinner. I hope you like bingi bingi. After dinner, weíre going to sit down in front of the bingi bingi and sing . . . bingi bingi." Mr. Gorpley turns to the girls and sighs, "Bingi bingi. Mypiotís been in this country four years and everythingís still bingi bingi." "Oh, quiet everyone," Larry says, "Thereís a news bulletin." He turns up the radio and they listen to the announcer. "Convicted killer Howard ĎMad Dogí Krause has escaped from prison and is thought to be hiding in the Big Piney National Forest." Larry turns off the radio. "My God," he gasps, "Iím gonna die . . . and Iíve never been with a woman." "My God," Balki says, "Iím going to die and Iíve never even bingi bingied." Larry and Balki start to cry and Mr. Gorpley steps between them. "Guys!" he says, "Guys, guys, guys! Get a grip!" He slaps Larry across the face. Heís about to slap Balki as well but Balki quickly says, "Iím okay!"

"Youíre letting your fears get the best of you," Mr. Gorpley explains.  "Mr. Gorpleyís right, as usual," Balki agrees, "This same thing happened once on Mypos.  It was right after the Great Cucumber Famine . . . or was it the Tomato Famine?  Maybe it was the Great Persimmon Famine.  Or maybe . . . "  Mr. Gorpley slaps Balki across the face.  "Many thanks," Balki replies.  "Now look, if youíre really worried weíll lock the door," Mr. Gorpley suggests, snapping his fingers and saying, "Bartokomous."  "But . . . how I can lock the door?  I donít have a bingi bingi," Balki says, indicating a key.  "Bartokomous, the door has a key in it," Mr. Gorpley explains.  Balki runs to close the door.  "Appleton, shutters," Mr. Gorpley orders.  Larry runs to the kitchen to close the window shutters.  Balki comes running back, holding up the key and proclaiming, "I locked the bingi bingi!"  Larry is looking at them with his back to the window when Mad Dog suddenly appears.  Jennifer, Mary Anne and Balki all scream but Mr. Gorpley doesnít.

Larry turns around and sees Mad Dog and screams, then closes the shutters and runs to the others, crying, "Mad Dog!  Mad Dog!  There!  There!"  "I saw him," Mr. Gorpley says calmly, "For his sake, I hope thereís two of Ďem.  Let me handle this."  Mr. Gorpley turns and Jennifer turns toward him, pressing her chest into him.  "Later," Mr. Gorpley says, then he yells out, "Hey, Mad Dog!  Why donít you come here and take me on if youíre man enough?"  "I love a man who challenges psychotic killers," Jennifer swoons.  Mad Dog starts pounding on the front door and yells, "Open up!"  "All right . . . babes in the closet," Mr. Gorpley orders.  "I know you can get us out of this, Sam," Jennifer says in a sexy manner and she runs to the closet.  "Donít hurt your hands, Sam," Mary Anne says, also in a sexy manner, "Youíll need them later."  She also runs into the closet.  Larry and Balki start for the closet as well but Mr. Gorpley holds them back, yelling, "Not you!"  He slaps Larry, then turns to slap Balki, but Balki saves him the trouble and slaps himself.

"Come on," Gorpley tells them, and he walks toward the door with Larry and Balki cowering behind him.  Mad Dog pounds again and yells, "Open up!"  "Oh, Mr. Gorpley, youíre our only hope," Larry grovels, "Canít you think of a plan to save us?"  "Itís a lucky thing the door is bingi bingi," Balki notes.  Mad Dog punches a hole in the door and reaches in to unlock it.  He throws the door open and steps inside, smiling viciously and saying, "Oh, this is gonna be fun!"  Larry and Balki start to back away, Larry whining, "Oh no, I canít . . . I canít . . . "  Mad Dog growls as Mr. Gorpley calmly stands his ground.  Larry and Balki let out and scream and run for cover in the back.  They then peek out to see what will happen.  "Looks like itís just between the two of us, Mad Dog," Mr. Gorpley says.

Mad Dog steps forward and throws a punch at Mr. Gorpley, which Mr. Gorpley stops with his hand.  Mr. Gorpley crushes Mad Dogís fist with his hand and forces him down to his knees, where Mr. Gorpley punches the killer in the face, knocking him out.  Mr. Gorpley places a foot on Mad Dogís chest and states, "There was a time when a name like Mad Dog meant something."  Larry and Balki run to Mr. Gorpley and kneel down on either side of him, pressing their faces into his hands.  "Thank you!  Thank you!  Oh!" Larry cries.  "Bingi bingi!  Bingi bingi," Balki adds.  Jennifer and Mary Anne come out of the closet and run to Mr. Gorpley, knocking Balki and Larry aside.  He puts one arm around each as Jennifer says, "Sam . . . take me!"  Mr. Gorpley bends Jennifer over to kiss her, then does the same to Mary Anne.  They all let out a deep sigh as the scene fades to black.

Act two begins with an establishing shot of the cabin and we hear the voice of the trooper after heís listened to Mr. Gorpleyís version of the story.  "So you knocked out ĎMad Dogí Krause with one punch?" the trooper asks.  "Yep," Mr. Gorpley replies, "And thatís pretty much what happened.  Then we called the police and you guys showed up."  The trooper looks skeptical.  "Mr. Gorpley," Balki says, "I cannot believe what you said about me.  You know that I never, under any circumstances, would use Ďbingi bingií in a dependant clause."  "Officer, Iím Larry Appleton, investigative reporter from the Chicago Chronicle," Larry introduces himself, "If you want an objective, unbiased account, I think Iím the man to give it to you."

The scene dissolves into Larryís version of the story, which picks up when everyone is panicking after hearing about "Mad Dog" Krause and are ready to leave.  "Hey, hey!  Come on. Come on," Larry urges, "Youíre overreacting.  Mad Dog is probably nowhere near here."  "Cousin Larryís right . . . as usual," Balki gushes, "Lead us, Cousin, and we will follow."  They all look to Larry before Mary Anne says, "Well, Iím locking the door, just in case."  She goes to lock the front door.  "Fine," Larry says, "Lock the door if itíll make you feel better.  Iíll start dinner and by the time the steaks are done youíll all realize how silly youíre being."  Larry stands with his back to the kitchen window.  "Thatís my Cousin," Balki brags, "Hey, is it any wonder I love the guy?"

Mad Dog appears in the window behind Larry.  Everyone screams. Larry turns around and sees Mad Dog but doesnít scream.  He very calmly closes the shutters as Mad Dog growls in fury.  "Larry, didnít you see him?" Jennifer asks, "That was Mad Dog Krause!"  "Calm yourself, Jennifer," Larry says, "I saw him.  This is nothing I canít handle."  Larry walks to the others.  "Iíll bet he has a plan," Balki says in awe, "You have a plan, donít you, Cousin?"  "Oh, do you, Appleton?" Mr. Gorpley begs, "Do you?  Do you?  Oh, say you have a plan!"  "Of course he has a plan," Balki says, "Share it with us, Cousin."  "Ladies, in the closet," Larry orders, "Gentlemen, prepare for battle."  Jennifer and Mary Anne run to the closet and Mr. Gorpley starts to follow them, but Larry grabs him by the back of the shirt and pulls him back.

"Not you, Gorpley," Larry says.  He then slaps Mr. Gorpley in the face, then again.  Heís about to slap him a third time when Balki asks, "Cousin, what are you doing?"  "Iím just getting him back for that story he told," Larry explains.  There is a loud pounding on the front door.  "Come on," Larry says, stepping toward the door with Balki and Mr. Gorpley following, "Now when I give the word, weíll jump him."  "Good plan, Appleton," Mr. Gorpley says.  "Good plan?" Balki asks Mr. Gorpley in disbelief, "Good plan?"  Balki slaps Mr. Gorpley as well.  "Iíll have you know itís a brilliant plan!" Balki insists, slapping Mr. Gorpley again, "Itís my privilege to witness his genius each and every day."  Balki slaps Mr. Gorpley again and Larry then stops him.  "Please," Larry says, "Napoleon was a genius.  Iím just a simple man of great courage."

Mad Dog smashes his fist through the front door and then reaches in to unlock the lock, throwing the door open and stepping inside.  "Oh, this is gonna be fun!" Mad Dog smiles menacingly.  "Here!  Here!" Mr. Gorpley says, pulling money out of his pocket and throwing it at Mad Dog, "Hereís money!  Take it!  Take it all!  And thereís, uh . . . women in the closet!"  Mr. Gorpley turns and runs away.  Mad Dog starts to advance on Larry and Balki.  "Balki, looks like itís just you and me," Larry says as they back away, "Sorry I got you into this, buddy."  "Oh, Cousin," Balki says, "Thereís so much I want to say and so little time."  "Uh, Mad Dog, could you give us a moment?" Larry asks.  Mad Dog stops and says, "Sure," then waits patiently as Balki talks to Larry.  "If I have to die, this is the way I want to go . . . fighting at the side of the bravest man I know.  I kiss the ground you walk on.  Did you just walk right there?"  Balki points to a spot on the floor.  "Yes, I did," Larry confirms.

Balki gets down and kisses the floor.  "Did you walk over here?" Balki asks, pointing to another spot.  "Yes, I did," Larry replies.  Balki kisses that spot as well.  Balki is about to find another spot when Larry pulls him up, saying, "All right, come on, come on, Balki.  Come on.  Come on.  Weíve got a job to do.  Mad Dog?  Proceed."  Mad Dog lunges at them and Larry ducks out of his way.  Mad Dog grabs Balki and starts throttling his neck.  "All right, I was hoping I wouldnít have to do this," Larry warns.  He makes a strange karate-type noise, striking a defensive pose.  "Let him go!  I know karate!"  "Big deal!" Mad Dog laughs, and he continues to choke Balki, lifting him off the ground.  "Oh Cousin, I donít know how much longer I can endure," Balki gasps.  "All right!  I warned you!" Larry shouts.  Larry jumps forward and grabs Mad Dogís arm, pulling him away from Balki, who gets away.

Larry then twists Mad Dogís arm as Balki jumps on the couch to watch.  Larry then proceeds to throw a series of karate blows at Mad Dog, striking him over and over again, making the strange karate noises as he fights.  Larry ends by pressing his fingers against Mad Dogís chest and letting out a loud and long screech.  Larry jumps back and Mad Dog stands, looking dazed but remaining on his feet.  "Cousin, I donít think you hurt him," Balki notes.  "Oh no?" Larry asks, and he snaps his fingers.  Mad Dog falls face first to the ground, unconscious.  Jennifer, Mary Anne and Mr. Gorpley come out of hiding to see whatís happened.  Jennifer looks at Larry lovingly and says, "Larry . . . take me."  Larry and Jennifer kiss as Balki and Mary Anne dramatically motion to them and the scene dissolves back to the trooper listening to the story.  "I like my version better," Mr. Gorpley whines.

"Hey, I just told it the way it happened," Larry insists.  The trooper sits forward and asks, "Is there anyone here that could tell me what happened without turning himself into Indiana Jones?"  "Balki," Jennifer and Mary Anne answer immediately.  "Balki, could you tell me what happened?" the trooper asks, "Start at the very beginning."  "Well, uh, that would be about four years ago when I first decide to come to America," Balki begins.  "Sir, sir, sir?" the trooper interrupts, "Could you skip ahead to when Krause came in?"  "Oh, uh . . . all right," Balki agrees, "But youíre gonna . . . youíre gonna miss hearing about the first time I had Mexican food."  The scene dissolves into Balkiís version of the story, which begins right when Mad Dog bursts in.

Balki narrates, "Jennifer and Mary Anne were hiding in the closet when Mad Dog opened the door."  Mad Dog reaches through the broken door to unlock it and throws the door open, yelling, "Iím gonna kill you!"  "He seemed upset," Balki narrates, "Mr. Gorpley went to make sure that Jennifer and Mary Anne were still safe in the closet."  Mr. Gorpley lets out a scream and runs to the closet in a panic.  "Uh, uh, look," Larry stammers, "Now that youíre here, w. . . w . . . why donít you just leave?  And . . . and we wonít tell anyone that we saw you."  "Cousin, Cousin, we . . . we couldnít do that," Balki argues, "That would be lying.  However, I do have a . . . a couple of Myposian stories that apply to this situation.  Would . . . would you like to hear them?"  "No!" both Mad Dog and Larry reply.  Mad Dog lunges at them and grabs Balki, throttling him from behind.  "Let him go!" Larry says.  "Why?" Mad Dog yells.  "Well . . . well, uh . . . I know karate," Larry answers, and he holds up his hands in a defensive pose and lets out a feeble karate yell.

Larry runs forward and grabs Mad Dogís arm, pulling it back with a karate yell.  Mad Dog pulls his arm forward again, and Larry with it, as Larry cries, "Whoa, uh oh!"  "Okay," Mad Dog says, releasing Balki and turning on Larry, "I think Iíll kill you first!"  Larry throws a karate chop at Mad Dogís chest and then cries out in pain, holding his injured arm.  Balki grabs a loaf of sourdough bread and climbs up on the kitchen counter behind Mad Dog, hitting him over the head with it.  Balki then grabs Mad Dogís head and turns it to look into the manís eyes.  Seeing the blow hasnít phased the madman, Balki cries, "Oh!" and looks for something else to use as a weapon.  Mad Dog grabs Larry by the neck and starts throttling him, shaking him back and forth like a rag doll, then lifting him off the ground.  Balki has found a cookie jar and climbs back onto the kitchen counter.  He finds a cookie inside the jar and, not knowing what else to do with it, he tries to eat it quickly.

Finally Balki throws the last of the cookie down and breaks the jar over Mad Dogís head.  Once again Balki turns Mad Dogís head to look at his eyes and cries, "Oh!" when even that hasnít affected the crazed killer.  Mad Dog has released Larry, who proceeds to hit the behemoth with karate kicks and strikes accompanied with odd karate calls.  Larry only manages to wear himself out and has to stop to catch his breath.  In the meantime, Balki has searched through the cupboards until heís found a frying pan and he climbs up on the counter just as Larry lunges at Mad Dog, using his head against the manís stomach.  Mad Dog grabs Larry around the middle and lifts him up as Balki hits the killer on the head with the frying pan.  This time Mad Dog reacts, dropping Larry and looking dazed.  Larry presses his fingers against Mad Dogís chest with a yell and jumps back.  Mad Dog stands, still looking dazed.  "Cousin, I think heís finished," Balki notes.  Mad Dog falls to the ground, unconscious.  "Good," Larry says, "Because I think I broke my hand."

Balki jumps down off the counter and says, "Cousin, let me see," then grabs Larryís hand, causing Larry to cry out in pain.  Jennifer, Mr. Gorpley and Mary Anne step out of the closet and both girls slap Mr. Gorpley across the face.  Mr. Gorpley looks pleased nonetheless.  Jennifer walks over to Larry and says, "Larry . . . take me home!"  Larry looks happy, then shocked, asking "Huh?" as the scene dissolves back to the trooper listening to the story.  "Take me home?" Larry asks Jennifer, "Is that what you said?  Take me home?"  "Well, yeah," Jennifer nods.  Larry turns to Balki, who is standing with the trooper in the kitchen.  "W . . . I mean . . . Balki, did everything happen the way you said?"  "Uh, Iím afraid so, Cousin," Balki confirms.  "Well, that . . . that would explain this," the trooper notes as he picks up a frying pan with a huge dent in it.  The trooper heads for the door and says, "If we have any further questions, weíll be in touch . . . with him."  The trooper points to Balki.  Mr. Gorpley follows the trooper out the door, saying, "Yeah, look, if thereís any kind of reward involved I could come up with a believable story.  Maybe we could work out some kind of arrangement."

"I . . . I could have sworn I was the one who knocked out Krause," Larry says.  "Well, Cousin, sometimes we remember things the way we wished they had happened," Balki points out.  "I thought I was a hero," Larry sighs.  "Well . . . you . . . you were," Balki offers, "If you hadnít distracted Mad Dog by letting him nearly kill you then I wouldnít have had enough time to go get the frying pan and . . . save your life."  Jennifer gets up and walks over, saying, "Iím very proud of you, Larry."  Balki walks to Mary Anne as she stands up and adds, "And Iím proud of you, too, Balki.  And I have all weekend to show you how much."  "Well, I . . . I . . . I know one thing we could do," Balki says shyly.  "Bingi Bingi?" Mary Anne asks.  "You said it!" Balki agrees.  Balki takes Mary Anneís hand and leads her to an open space, then asks, "Shall we?"  They start to perform the Hokey Pokey with the words, "You put your bingi in, you put your bingi out, you put your bingi in and you shake it all about . . . "

Continue on to the next episode . . .