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The Untitled Project of Mypos

Written by:
Cousin Whitney

(Note: This story is a follow-up to Cousin Whitney's first story, A Mypiot's Gain is a Mypiot's Return)

Larry came into the living room and saw Balki sitting on the couch watching TV.  “Hi Balki.  Whatcha doing?”  Larry asked.

Balki was laughing hard at the TV.   “Hi Cousin.   I’m watching The Three Stooges.   This is the one where Moe, Larry, and Curly are plumbers and wreak havoc on the bathroom and the whole house.   Wonder why this seems so vaguely familiar to me?”  Balki said as he thought then returned his attention back to the set.   Larry acted like he didn’t hear the last part of what Balki said and nonchalantly went into the kitchen.

All of a sudden the phone rang.   Balki got up and answered it.   “Hello?”  Balki said into the receiver.

“Hi Balk!”  Said the cheerful voice on the other end.”

“Oh hi Kelsey!  How are you?  How is everything?”  Balki said.

“Everything is going great!  I’m loving my job.  In fact I was telling the production company about you and your homeland and guess what?  They want to do a documentary on it on The Educational Channel known as TEC, with me narrating in the background.”  Kelsey explained.

“Get out of the city!  That’s wonderful!”

“But I need a favor.  I’m going to need help with the research and wondering would you be willing to help me?”  Kelsey asked.

“Well of course I will, don’t be ridiculous.  Who wouldn’t know more about Mypos than yours truly?  I don’t call it home for nothing.”   Balki threw his arms in the air and said, “Where do I come up with them?”

“Well great Balki.  Thanks.”  Kelsey said uneasily not sure how to react to the last comment Balki made.

“I believe I have enough vacation hours saved up.  It’s going to be great to go home and see everybody, especially Mama.”  Balki said.

“Great, I’ll give you a call with all the details and when we leave.”  Kelsey said.

“Sounds wonderful!”  Balki said.

“Tell Larry I said hi.  Bye Balki.”  Kelsey said.

“Bye Kelsey.”  Balki said as he hung up the phone.   Balki happily rushed over to Larry and said in an excited tone, “Cousin!  Cousin!  Guess who that was?  You’ll never guess who that was.”

“Kelsey?”  Larry answered.

Balki looked at Larry with a shocked look on his face.  “Wwow!  You must have ESPEN.”  Balki said.

“No Balki, I heard you say Kelsey’s name when you answered the phone.”  Larry explained.

“Oh.  Yes that was Kelsey.”  Balki said.

“Ohh, how is she doing?”  Larry asked.

“She is doing great and everything is going great at her job.  She said she was telling the people she work with about Mypos and me and they want her to do a documentary on it.  Cousin, we’re going to Mypos!”  Balki said as he went toward his room.

Larry’s eyes grew wide, and then he got up from the table and rushed over to Balki.   “W-we’re going to Mypos?!”  Larry asked.

“Yes.  Kelsey needs help with the research and she asked me if I would help her and I told her I would.”  Balki said.

“But Balki could you give her the research over the phone or even mail it to her or she could look it up on the computer?”  Larry asked.

“Well it wouldn’t seem very real.  Part of a documentary is being in the field.  Cousin you’re a photo journalist, you know that and besides we are going to have fun and it’s been a while since we’ve seen everybody.”  Balki said as he continued to go to his room.

“Well Balki, I don’t think I can go.”  Larry interjected.

“Why not?”  Balki asked.

“Well I don’t think I have enough vacation hours saved up.”  Larry said.

“Sure you do Cousin.  You haven’t been on a vacation since the last time we went to Mypos which was 5 years ago.”  Balki reminded Larry.

“Well remember when I caught the flu?  I used some of my vacation hours for that.”  Larry said.

“Cousin you were only out for 2 days because I made the Mypos cure and you took the right dosage this time.  The only reason you were out for 2 days because you had the flu and not a cold and the Mypos cure takes a little longer to work for the flu.”  Balki reminded Larry again.  

“Well…well…well.”  Larry began to babble.

“Cousin why don’t you ask Mr. Wainwright when we go to work tomorrow and he can tell you.  Boy you make life hard work for you.  Oh!  I better call Mama and tell her we’re coming so she can get everything ready like put fresh mud on the hut.”  Larry just ignored the last comment.   Balki went to the phone and dialed the number and waited for an answer.  The phone picked up.   Balki started talking in Myposian.   Balki pulled the phone from his ear.   Mama was scolding him Myposian.   “Mama I’m sorry to disturb you doing your favorite show Wipeout, but I have some great news: Cousin Larry and I are coming for a visit!”   Mama started talking excitedly in Myposian.   Balki resumed talking in Myposian.   Balki then ended the conversation saying, “Okay, bye, bye, babe.”   Balki then hung up the phone.   “Cousin, Mama is so excited that we’re coming that she is going to have new hay for our beds.”  Larry just took in a deep sigh.

The next day Balki was at his work table sorting some mail into the baskets.   Larry came down the stairs.  “So Cousin what did Mr. Wainwright say about your vacation hours?”  Balki asked.

“Just like I said Balki, I don’t have enough vacation hours.  Sorry I can’t go to Mypos with you and Kelsey.”  Larry said apologetically.

Just as Larry said that Mr. Wainwright came out of the elevator.   “Appleton what are you talking about?  You have enough vacation hours to take a vacation.  Take some time off, I insist.”  Mr. Wainwright suggested as he began to walk off.

“Uh, Mr. Wainwright what about that story about that fast-food place that was serving tainted meat?”  Larry asked as he stopped Mr. Wainwright in his tracks.

“I’ll get Charlie to cover it.”  Mr. Wainwright said.

“Charlie?!  He writes like a 5 year old.  He leaves important information out of his articles Mr. Wainwright.”  Larry informed him.

Mr. Wainwright gave a friendly pat and smile and said, “I’ll take my chances.”   Then he walked off.

Larry flusterly adjusted his tie and turned around to see his cousin with his arms folded.  “Cousin it seems to me you don’t want to go.”  Balki said in a upsetting tone. 

Larry tried to ease his way out of the uncomfortable situation.  “No, no it’s not that I don’t want to go, it’s just I don’t want to be around livestock every time I wake up in the morning and have to put goat’s milk in my coffee.”  Larry explained.

Balki gave a sad and disappointing look.  “Okay Cousin.  We don’t have to go to M-m-Mypos where I’ll be able to see m-m-my other family who I haven’t seen in a… l-long time and my friend Gizmo, the goat.”  Balki said with his voice quivering and slowly breaking into tears.

Larry hated when Balki did this.   Number one: it always made him feel guilty and Balki got his way and number two: he hated to see his cousin upset.   Larry sighed.   “Alright, alright, I’ll go.”

“Yay!  Now we are so happy we do the Dance of Joy!”  Balki said as he happily rushed over to his cousin and prompted him to do the Dance of Joy with him, but Larry didn’t budge.

“Balki I’m not in a Dance of Joy mood knowing that my breakfast is literally going to come from the backyard.”  Larry complained.

“Cousin don’t be ridiculous, it’s going to come from the newly Mypos market.”  Balki said.

“So what did Mr. Twinkacetti say about your vacation hours?”  Larry asked.

“Well he said I can go, but he is going to dock my pay while I’m gone.”  Balki explained.

“Why am I not surprised?”  Larry sighed.

“Surprised by what Cousin?”  Balki asked.

Larry shook his head.   “Never mind, come on let’s go home.”

At home Balki and Larry were having dinner.  “Mmm Cousin, wasn’t that a great dinner?”  Balki said as he was getting up from the table to take his dishes to the sink.

“Yeah.”  Larry said as he was poking at the untouched meal on his plate.   “Uh Balki do you think until we go to Mypos we can eat American food?”

“Cousin this is American food.”  Balki said.

“Balki I hardly consider snout casserole American food.”  Larry said as continued to observe the food on his plate.

“Okay, okay, how about if we have hamburgers and French fries for dinner tomorrow?”  Balki suggested.

A sigh of relief came over Larry.  “Hamburgers and French fries sound wonderful.”

“Great, I’ll go get some buffalo meat at the supermarket tomorrow.”  Balki said.

“Terrific.”  Larry grumbled as he got up from the table.

“Cousin you didn’t touch plate.”  Balki said as he walked back over to the table.

“I’m not all that hungry.”  Larry said as he sat down on the couch.

Suddenly the phone rang.   Balki answered it.   “Hello?”

“Balki!”  The person said loudly through the phone.

“Hi Mama.”  Balki said.   Mama spoke in Myposian.   Balki responded to her in Myposian.   Mama said her last couple sentences and Balki ended the call saying, “Okay, bye-bye babe.”   Balki then hung up the phone.   “Cousin that was Mama saying she found these lovely hammocks for us to sleep in instead of the hay.”  Balki said.

“Great.  Instead of sleeping on poking hay, I’m going to have to rock myself to sleep, literally.”  Larry mumbled as he flipped through a magazine.  

Then the phone rang again.   Balki answered it.   “Hello?”

“Hi Balki!”  Kelsey said on the other end.

“Oh hi Kelsey.”  Balki said.

“I was just calling with the details for the trip.  You have a pen and paper in hand?”  Kelsey asked.

“Yep, I’m ready to write.”  Balki said as he held a notepad and pen in his hand.

“Okay.  You and Larry are going to take an airplane from Chicago to Los Angeles on June 19th at 9:00am.  It’s going to be a straight flight so you don’t have to worry about changing planes or anything like that.  Then as I was looking up is it right that we have to take another plane, then a boat, and a hike until we’re in Mypos?”  Kelsey asked.

“Yep, that is right.”  Balki confirmed.

“Alright, then we’ll return to America on June 26th.”  Kelsey announced.

“Seven days in my homeland.  I’m so excited!”  Balki exclaimed.

“I’m excited about this assignment.  Oh one more question, how should I pack?  Mypos seems like a warm climate.”  Kelsey asked.

“Yes Mypos is pretty warm, so you can pack summer clothes and stuff like that, but I do suggest on bringing a jacket and maybe an umbrella because it does get kind of cool at night and rain occasionally.”  Balki said.

“Okay.  I have emailed you the confirmation for the tickets so all you have to do is print it out and I have transportation arranged to take and pick you up from the airport.  I can’t wait to see you guys.  Bye Balki.”  Kelsey said.

“I can’t wait either.  Bye Kelsey.”  Balki hung up the phone.  “Well Cousin it’s all confirmed.  We leave on the 19th.”  Balki informed Larry.

“Okay.”  Larry said then his eyes grew wide.  “The 19th?!  That’s like tomorrow?!”

“Well you better get to packing Cousin.”  Balki said as he was heading to his room to pack.

“Ohh just put me out of my misery now.”  Larry grumbled as he rubbed his curly hair.

During the night Balki was up late working on a project while Larry was soundly asleep.  “I really hope Kelsey likes what I’m making her.”  Balki said as yawned.   He continued to work on it until wee hours of the morning.

*************************

“Cousin, you almost ready?  It’s almost time to go to the airport.”  Balki called out as he brought his suitcase out to living room and yawned in the process.

Larry walked out with just his toothbrush and his bottle of Maalox and tossed them on the table.  “There.  I’m packed.”  Larry said dryly.

“Cousin what’s this?  You’re not packed.”  Balki said surprised.

“Well since I am going to be away from real civilization that’s all I need.”  Larry moaned.

“Cousin you’re being ridiculous.  I’ll go pack your bags for you.”  Balki offered.

“No, no, I’ll go pack.  I’m sure I can get a suitcase together in a short amount of time.”  Larry said as he went back into his room.

“Oh I better go get Dimitri and Kristi.  Don’t want to forget them.”  Balki said as he went to his room to get the sheep.  He also grabbed his project he was working on the night before while he was in there.

“Balki I’m ready.”  Larry called out as he came out his room with his suitcase and a shoulder bag.

“Okay Cousin, I’m ready too.”  Balki said as he stuffed Dimitri and Kristi into his bag and continued to yawn.

“Balki are you okay?”  Larry asked.”

“Yes Cousin, why you ask?”  Balki asked innocently.

“Because you keep yawning.  Didn’t you get enough sleep last night?”  Larry questioned.

“I only got a little; I was up really late last night.”  Balki said.

“Why were you up so late?” Larry asked.

“I was up working on this.”  Balki held up a pink vest with silver rainbow glitter sparkle sequins in Myposian designs and the same type of silver rainbow glitter sparkle for the trim of the vest.

“Balki you made that?”  Larry asked in amazement.

“Yeah I made it just like I made your tapestry the first Christmas I came to America, only then I had more time to work on it.  It’s a present for Kelsey, a way to say ‘Welcome to Mypos.’  Do you think she will like it?”  Balki asked then yawned.

“Oh I think she will.”  Larry said.

“Okay we better get going.”  Balki said.

“Wait Balki; let’s check to make sure everything is taken care of.”  Larry said as he pulled out a list.   “Did you print out the tickets?”

“Yes Cousin.”

“The house is clean?”

Balki looked around, “Yes Cousin.”

“Refrigerator is working?”

“Yes Cousin.”

“All perishables put away?”

“Yes Cousin.”

“The-.”

Balki cut Larry off, “Cousin the apartment is going to be fine while we’re gone.  Don’t have a nervous break dance.”  Balki said as he opened the door.

“Wait, I have to call a cab to take us to the airport.”  Larry said as he went toward the phone.

“Cousin no need for that.  Kelsey said she already had transportation arranged for us.”  Balki said as he gathered the bags.

“Great, riding in a smelly, uncomfortable shuttle.”  Larry mumbled as he gathered his bags and headed for the door.

When the guys got outside there was a black limo waiting for them.   “Oh my Lord!”  Larry said in awe.

“Cousin I think you’re going to have to go back upstairs and call that cab.”  Balki said as he was looking bypass the limo and looking for a yellow cab.

“Mr. Appleton and Mr. Bar-toko-mouse, I am your driver.”  The limo driver said as he tried to take Balki’s bag but Balki backed frantically away.  

“Cousin!  Cousin!  This man is trying to take my bags.”  Balki said in a scared tone and back away.

“No, no, no, Balki he suppose to take your bags so he can put them in the trunk.”  Larry explained.

“Oh.”  Balki said understandably.   He willfully gave his bags to the driver.   Larry did the same thing.   Then the driver opened the door.

“Oh thank you, but I could’ve opened it.”  Balki said nicely to the driver.

“Balki, he is suppose to open the door.”  Larry explained again in a more annoyed tone.

“Oh.”  Balki said in the same tone again.

The guys climbed in.   “Wwow! This is nice Cousin and we’re not even going to a funeral.”  Balki said as he admired the inside.

“Yeah this is nice.”  Larry said dryly as he buckled his seatbelt.

The limo pulled off.   Balki continued to look around the limo.  “I wonder what this do.”  Balki said as he pushed a button.   It opened the sunroof of the limo.

Larry quickly unbuckled his seatbelt and jumped to the other end of the limo to close the sunroof back.  “Stop it!  Stop it!  Stop it!”  Larry said snarling.   “What have I told you about pushing buttons?”  Larry said scolding Balki.

“Don’t push buttons because you don’t know what they may do, like self destruct the world.”  Balki said.

“Right.”  Larry agreed.

“But Cousin I have been pushing buttons all the time and the world hasn’t self destruct yet.”  Balki said.

“That’s because you haven’t found the right one, thank goodness and I would like to keep it that way.”  Larry said.

“But-.”  Balki tried to continue but Larry cut him off.

“Balki I really don’t want to go into this.  Why don’t you buckle your seatbelt and sit back and enjoy the ride?”  Larry asked in an annoyed tone.  

Balki did what he was told.  If it was one thing he hated to do it was to annoy his cousin.

They finally arrived at the airport.  The driver got out, got the bags out the trunk, and opened the door for the guys.  Larry and Balki climbed out.  “I really hoped you enjoyed your ride.”  The driver said.

“Yes we did.”  Balki said.

The driver held his hand out expecting a tip.  Balki went up and hugged him.  Larry quickly pulled Balki away from the driver.  “I’m sorry, you have to excuse him.  He’s from another country.”  Larry explained, and then reached into his pocket to pull out his wallet to tip the driver.  The driver thanked Larry and told them to enjoy their flight and got back into the limo and drove off.  Larry turned around and gave Balki an angry look and grabbed his suitcase and walked toward the entrance in a huffy manner.  Balki just followed behind.

Once they get in they go to the ticket counter to check in.  “Hi, we’re here to check in.”  Larry told the ticket agent.

“Okay, no problem, I just need your IDs and confirmation number.”  The ticket agent said.

“Balki pull out that piece of paper with the confirmation number on it.”  Larry told Balki as he was pulling out his ID.

Balki opened his shoulder bag and started to feel around it.  He gave Larry a nervous look and started to feel around it again.  “Cousin I can’t seem to find it.”  Balki said.

Larry’s eyes grew wide.  “You what?!  Balki I specifically asked you before we left did you have it and you said ‘Yes Cousin.’”  Larry said and making the last part sound like Balki.

“Oh Cousin calm down, I have it right here.”  Balki said pulling the piece of paper out of his vest pocket and handing it to the ticket agent.  Larry looked exasperated.  Balki gave Larry a friendly pat on the back and said, “Cousins should joke more.”  Larry was definitely not in a joking mode mood.

The ticket agent processed the transaction.  “Your boarding passes are printing up, are you checking your bags in?”  The ticket agent asked.

“Oh yes we are.  Want to check in two bags.”  Larry said as he remembered.

“Ok, that will be $50.”  The ticket agent said.

“50?”  Larry said with a shocked look on his face.

“Yes sir, there is a bag fee of $25 per bag.”  The ticket agent explained.

“Don’t you all allow one free bag?”  Larry asked.

“No sir, unfortunately this airline doesn’t.”  The ticket agent said sympathetically.

Larry upsettingly pulled out his wallet and gave her his credit card while once again giving Balki an angry look.  Balki sheepishly waved at Larry.

“Okay Mr. Appleton, if I can have you sign this receipt.”  The ticket agent gave Larry.   Larry just scribbled his name on the receipt.  “Okay this is your copy for the bags, if you could just place the bags on the scale.”  The ticket agent asked.   Larry placed one of the bags and the ticket agent tagged the bag and did the same for the other one and put them on a conveyor belt.  “Okay here are your boarding passes, you are going to be going to gate A.  Thank you and enjoy your flight.”  The ticket agent said.

“Thank you I wish I can say I would.”  Larry said in an unappreciative tone.

Larry and Balki headed to the security gates.  When they got there, there was a long line and barely moving.  “Oh great, just great.”  Larry said as he threw his hands up in an upsetting way.

“Cousin this doesn’t look great, it looks awful.  If this line doesn’t pick up speed we’ll miss our flight.”  Balki said with a worried look.

Larry got a mischievous thought in his head, ‘If I don’t get through security then I miss the plane which means I don’t have to go to Mypos.’  

“Cousin what are we going to do?”  Balki asked more worried.

Larry snapped back into reality.  “Well Balki there is nothing we can do but…wait a long time.”  Larry said in an unrealistic sympathized tone.

Balki looked down sad.  Then all of a sudden the line started to move more freely.  “Look Cousin, the line is picking up!  Now we’ll be able to catch our flight!”  Balki said excitedly as he took off.

“Why me?”  Larry said as he groaned and began to drag his feet.

Larry caught up to Balki.  “Okay Balki, have your ID ready so they can match our names with our boarding passes and make the process go fast.”  Larry explained to Balki.

“Okay Cousin.”  Balki said.

Larry and Balki made it to the front.  “Your boarding pass and ID please.”  The security officer said.

Balki handed his items to the officer.  “I am going to visit my homeland!”  Balki informed the officer.

“Oh that’s nice. Where are you from?”  The officer asked while she matched the name on the ID to the name on the boarding pass.

“Mypos. It’s a Mediterranean island.”  Balki explained.

“Well you safe flight and enjoy your trip home.”  The officer said as she handed Balki back his ID and boarding pass.  Balki smiled at the security officer.

Larry stepped up next.  The security officer gave him a not so nice look or was not as nice as she was to Balki.  “Your ID and boarding pass.”  She said in a not caring tone.

Larry handed her the items.  “Sir this hardly looks like you.”  The security officer said.

“What are you talking about?  That is me.”  Larry stressed.

“No it doesn’t look like you.”  The security officer stated.

“That is me.”  Larry pleaded.

The security officer looked closely at the ID from under the light then looked at Larry closely.  “Oh I see now.  The no upper lip is a clear resemblance.”  The security officer said.

Larry’s blood was boiling at the comment the security officer made.  The security gave Larry back his ID and boarding pass and said, “Enjoy your flight.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”  Larry said dryly.

Balki was waiting for Larry by the conveyor belt.  “Cousin is where we put our things on here and they look at them on an x-ray and we walk under the metal detainer?”  Balki asked.

“That’s “metal detector” and yes Balki.  Make sure you take your shoes off too.”  Larry said.

Balki put his bag on the conveyor belt and took his shoes off.  The security officer prompted him that it was his turn to walk through the metal detector.  Balki did and it didn’t beep.  Balki waited at the other end of the conveyor belt for his belongings.  Larry did the same process only when he walked through the metal detector beeped.  A husky officer stopped him.  “Sir did you take everything out your pockets?”  Said the officer.  

Larry put his hands in his pockets and felt his keys and his wallet.  He took them out and put them in a small bin.  He walked backed through again.  It beeped again.  “Sir is there anything else in your pockets?”  The security guard asked in an annoyed tone.

“No I took everything out my pockets.”  Larry said as he patted his pockets.

”Are you wearing a belt?”  Larry was wearing a belt.  “Sir you are going to have to take everything off that is metal.”

Larry took off his belt and his watch and put it in the bin.  Balki was impatiently waiting for his cousin.  Larry walked through again and it didn’t beep.  Larry then walked to where Balki was waiting.  “Cousin what was taking so long?”  Balki asked.

“All the metal that I had on, my watch and belt kept setting the metal detector off. We should be okay now.”  But soon as Larry said that the security officer that was checking the bags hollered out “Bag check!”  Another security officer came over and took the bag and motioned Larry to come with him.

“Oh what now.”  Larry groaned as he walked in the direction the security officer was walking.

The security officer set Larry’s bag down and asked while he was looking through it, “Sir you are not carrying any weapons of any kind are you?”  

“No, I barely have safety pins around the house.”  Larry said.

The security officer continued to look around Larry’s bag.  “Sir, I’m afraid I am going to have to confiscate this.”  The security officer said as he pulled out the Maalox bottle. “You can only carry on liquids that are in maximum volume of 3.5oz bottle, and this is certainly more than 3.5oz.”  The security officer explained.

“But I need that, that’s for when I get an upset stomach.”  Larry pleaded.

“Well you’re going to have to buy another bottle when you get to your destination.”  The security officer said.  Larry just sighed upsettingly.  “Here’s your bag, you have a safe flight.”  The security officer said as he handed Larry his bag.

“Yeah, yeah.”  Larry said dryly again.  He walked to over to where Balki was waiting.

“Cousin what did you do? I saw you with the airplane police.”  Balki asked in a shocked tone.

“I didn’t do anything; apparently my bottle of Maalox didn’t meet the flying regulations.”  Larry explained.

“You needed to buy a ticket for your Maalox?”  Balki asked.

“No Balki, they had to take my FULL bottle of Maalox because you can’t carry on liquids that are over 3.5oz.  If I would’ve put it in my suitcase this wouldn’t have happened.  Any I just bought that bottle too.”  Larry said.

“Don’t worry Cousin; we’ll get you some when we land.”  Balki said.

“They sell Maalox on Mypos?”  Larry asked.

“No, but if you grind up some rocks and add some flavoring it’s just the same.”  Balki explained.  Larry just shuddered at the last comment.

“Oh Cousin, we better get going or we’ll miss our plane!”  Balki remembered.

“Okay, what gate are we at?”  Larry asked.

Balki looked at the boarding pass.  “We are at gate A11.”  Balki said.

“It would be the furthest gate away.”  Larry complained.

“And we only have 5 minutes to get there.”  Balki added in.

Larry looked at his watch and his eyes grew wide.  “Oh my Lord!  Come on Balki we have to get going!”  Larry exclaimed.

Larry and Balki took off running through the airport’s terminal, bumping into people and pushing them out the way.  “Cousin!  Cousin!  Stop!”  Balki called out.

Larry stopped in his tracks.  “What?!”

“We need to apologize to those people we bumped into.”  Balki said innocently.

“Would you come on?!”  Larry said as he yanked Balki.

“Whoa!”  Balki yelled.

Larry and Balki continued to bump into the on travel goers until they reached their gate.  The customer service agent just shut the door to the jet bridge.  “Wait!  Please!”  Larry said as he dove to the desk and out of breath.

“Yes, how can I help you?”  The customer service agent said.

“We’re suppose to be on that flight.”  Larry said as he still tried to regain his breath.

“May I see your boarding passes please?”  The customer service agent said.   Larry handed them to her.  “Ah yes, Mr. Appleton and Mr. Bar-toko-mouse.  You almost didn’t make it.  Unfortunately since we thought you were going to be no shows we gave your first class seats to two people that were on standby.”  The customer service agent informed them.  Larry’s eyes grew wide.  “But fortunately there are two seats in coach for you gentlemen.”  The customer service agent said.

“Can’t you ask the two people on standby to get up so we can have our seats?”  Larry asked.

“No I cannot do that.”  The customer service agent said.

“But why-.”  Larry asked, but Balki interjected.  “Cousin, cousin let’s just take the two seats in roach.”

Coach!  Larry corrected him.

“But Balki that’s not fair, those are our seats with our names on them and they won’t let us sit in them.”  Larry pleaded.

“But Cousin if we don’t take those seats now we are not going to have any seats with our names on them.”  Balki explained.

Larry sighed then turned to the customer service agent.  “Okay we’ll take those seats.”  Larry said with a sour taste in his mouth.

“Okay, let me just scan you’re boarding passes.”  The customer service agent said as she walked over to the scanner.  She scanned the passes.  “Okay you gentleman are set to go.  The flight attendants will show you to your seats.  Thank you for flying with us.”  The customer agent said.

“Yeah, yeah.”  Larry scoffed as he snatched the boarding pass away from the agent.

Larry and Balki hurried down the jet bridge.  When they got to the end a flight attendant was standing there.  “We’re here.”  Larry said out of breath.

“Ahh yes the latecomers. I’ll show you to your seats.”  The flight attendant said.  Larry and Balki followed the flight attendant.  “You’re seated right there.  You can put your bags in whatever overhead bins that are available or under the seat in front of you.  Please hurry and buckle your seat belts, we are late taking off.”  The flight attendant said.

Larry and Balki went to their seats.  Larry started to climb in aisle.

“Cousin, I want the window seat.”  Balki said.

“No.”  Larry insists.

“But I want the window seat.”  Balki repeated.

“No.”

“I want the window seat.”  Balki said as he began to cry.

“Balki don’t do this, oh alright.”  Larry said with frustration then gives in.  Balki brightened up.  Since the aisles in the airplane were so narrow, Larry and Balki had a hard time switching places so Balki could go in first to sit down.  While they are trying to do that, Larry’s bag hits a man which causes the man to roughly push Larry into his seat just as Balki is getting in the row.  Larry just eyed the man.  Larry and Balki finally get situated.

“Well I assume all the overhead bins are full so I guess we can just put our bags under our seats.”  Larry said.  They sat their bags under the seat and buckled their seat belts.

“Okay ladies and gentleman, if you would just sit back and enjoy our demonstration on safety guidelines.”  The flight attendant said.

*************************

“Balki and Larry’s plane should’ve been here by now.”  Kelsey said as she paced back and forth.  She walked up to counter.  “Excuse me can you please tell me the delay on Flight 520?”

The customer service agent typed on the computer.  “Flight 520 is running about 20 minutes late.”  The customer service agent informed.

“Nothing bad has happened has it?”  Kelsey asked.

“No it doesn’t look like it.”  The customer service agent said.

“Okay, thank you.”  Kelsey said.

*************************

“Look Cousin, I brought the ultimate travel food.”  Balki said as he reached into his bag.  “Honey roasted chalkidikis.  Can I tempt you?”  Balki said as he held the bag over to Larry.

“No thanks.  The last time you made honey roasted chalkidikis the results were a disaster.”  Larry said.

“No Cousin this time I let the goat spleen aged at room temperature until it had little blue fur instead of green fur.”  Balki informed Larry.

“No thank you, I’ll stick with the American ultimate travel food; honey-roasted peanuts.”  Larry said.  He then turned to the flight attendant.  “May I please have some of your honey-roasted peanuts?”  Larry asked.

“Sir we have not started our in-flight snacks yet, we’ll be starting it soon.”  The flight attendant said as she walked off.

“Could this day get any worse?”  Larry said as he sighed.

“What do you mean Cousin?”  Balki asked.

“I should be at home right now covering the tainted meat story, but noooo I had to be on a flight to somewhere that barely has electricity.  Balki I am going to try to take a nap and I do not want to disturbed until we have reached Los Angeles or something has gone wrong with the plane which I am hoping the second option to happen.”  Larry informed Balki.

“Okay Cousin.”  Balki said innocently.

“Thank you.”  Larry said as he put his seat back.  Balki then turned to look out the window.

Later on, the flight attendants started their in-flight snacks.  “Anything to drink for you sir?”  The flight attendant asked.

“Cola please.”  Balki said.

“What about the gentleman next to you?”  The flight attendant asked as she opened the can of soda.

“May I please have some honey-roasted peanuts for my Cousin Larry?”  Balki asked.

“Sure!”  She said as she reached into her pocket and pulled a few bags out.  “Here you go.”  She said as she handed them to Balki.

“Thank you.”  Balki said.  Balki continued to drink his soda and look out the window as Larry continued to sleep.  All of a sudden Balki had a funny feeling in his bladder.  His bladder was telling him nature was calling.  He didn’t want to wake his cousin up because he knew Larry would not be a happy camper but he really had to go to the bathroom.  Balki looked at the amount of room for him to get by Larry to keep him from waking up and it wasn’t that much, but he had to try.  He quietly unbuckled his seatbelt and put the tray table up and stood up out of his seat.  Balki carefully held on to the seat that was to the left of him and to the seat to the right of him and carefully put one leg over Larry.  Successfully able to get it over without disturbing him.  “Whew!”  He said quietly to himself.  Now he had to get the other leg over.  Balki carefully brought his leg over but unfortunately he lost his balance and fell on Larry’s lap causing Larry to let out a very loud scream startling everyone on the plane.  Larry quickly threw Balki off of him.

“What are you doing?!”  Larry shouted.

“I was trying to go to the bathroom without waking you up.”  Balki explained.

“Well obviously you did an unsuccessful job of doing that.”  Larry scoffed.

“Everything okay here?”  The flight attendant asked concerned.

“Everything is fine; my cousin here was trying to go to the bathroom.”  Larry explained.

The flight attendant walked off.  Larry turned his attention back to Balki.  “Well go ahead and go since I am up now.”  Larry said.

Balki got up and went to the bathroom.  Larry was extremely upset at Balki for waking him up.  In fact he wished he didn’t get up that morning.  Everything thing had gone wrong and the one time he got a little peace and quiet it got ruined.  He wish he could just fast forward time so this trip could be over.

Balki came back from the bathroom, squeezed by Larry, sat back in his seat, and buckled his seatbelt.  “Sorry Cousin for waking you up.”  Balki said apologetically.

“Balki all I wanted was a little peace and quiet and it got ruined.”  Larry said.

Balki just looked down at the floor sad.

“And I never did get the honey-roasted peanuts I requested either.”  Larry complained.

“Cousin I-.”

“Balki, please.”  Larry said as he cut Balki off in an annoyed tone.

All of a sudden the flight attendant got on the intercom.  “Ladies and gentlemen we have arrived at our beautiful destination, Los Angeles, California.  So if you can please put your seats in the upright position, put your tray tables up, and make sure you seatbelt is buckled.  We should be landed momentarily.  And on behalf of the captain and the airlines, thank you for riding while we do the flying.”

Inside the airport Kelsey could see the airplane pulling up to the jet bridge.  She was super excited.  She went over to the door and impatiently waited as people were walking off the jet bridge.  It seemed like everyone was walking off except Balki and Larry.  Finally Balki and Larry came out.  “Balki!!!”  Kelsey said as she ran to Balki like a little kid.

“Hi Kelsey!!!”  Balki said as he caught her in his arms.  They both shared a long hug.

Then Kelsey went over and hugged Larry.  “Hi Larry!”  She said in a happy tone as she hugged Larry.

“Hi Kelsey.”  Larry said in a half-hearted tone as he hugged her back.

Kelsey walked back over to Balki.  “What’s wrong with Larry?”  She asked.

“It’s a long storyline.”  Balki said.

“Well let me look at you, you look great.”  Kelsey said as she admired Balki.

“Aww go on with you.  You have gotten prettier since the last time I saw you.”  Balki said.

“Awww, thank you.”  Kelsey said as she was blushing.

“Uh excuse me, I hate to interrupt this chat fest but if we don’t get going we’re going to miss the plane.”  Larry said in a snobbish tone.

“Oh o-okay.”  Kelsey said shocked with the tone in Larry’s voice.

Balki, Larry, and Kelsey walked to where they were going to catch the next plane.  They got checked in.  From there they were going to take a boat, and even after that they were going to take a hike before they reached the island.  But since then Mypos has gained a little technology, so a tram was built to take the strain off the travelers.

Balki, Larry, and Kelsey waited on the platform for the next carriage to arrive.  Larry was trying to regain his breath as if he has hiked a mountain.  “Cousin the hike wasn’t that bad.  You act like you hiked Mt. Everstone.”  Balki said.

“It’s Everest and it sure feels like that.”  Larry said through his breaths.

“The carriage is coming!”  Balki said excitedly.

The three of them climbed.  Balki said something to the driver in Myposian.  The driver loaded their luggage on.  Then it pulled away from the platform.  The ride was a pretty bumpy ride.

“I can’t believe I am in Mypos!  It’s absolutely beautiful as you described it Balki.”  Kelsey said as she absorbed the atmosphere and looked around at the beautiful scenery.

“It is beautiful, isn’t it?”  Balki said.

“I mean everywhere you look you see people herding their sheep and tending to their livestock, people tending to their gardens, their livestock tending them by chasing them.” Kelsey laughed as she saw this.  Then she continued, “Children laughing and playing, and everyone is smiling and enjoying themselves.”  Kelsey said.

“Besides Disneyland this is the happiest place on earth.”  Balki said.

Larry just scoffed at the last comment Balki made.

“How you doing back there Cousin?”  Balki called back to Larry.

“Oh fine!  Couldn’t be bumpier…I mean better.”  Larry said sarcastically.

“Okay, good.”  Balki said as he acted like he didn’t hear the sarcastic ness in Larry’s voice.

“Oh!  I better get some footage of this.”  Kelsey said as she pulled out the camera.

Balki said something to the driver in Myposian.

“What did you say to him?”  Kelsey asked.

“I told him to slow down a little so you can get the pictures.”  Balki said.

“Oh, tell him thank you.”  Kelsey said.  Balki did just that.  Kelsey got footage of the scenery.  “There that should be enough for now.”  Kelsey said as she put the camera back in her bag.  “I’m sure I’ll get more footage later.  By the way where are we staying?”  Kelsey asked. 

“We are going to be staying at Mama’s house.”  Balki said.

“Oh cool, I get a chance to meet your mother!  Maybe you can get her to be part of the documentary.”  Kelsey said.

“That sounds wonderful.  Last time Mama was in front of a camera she was a Glamour girl.  And what’s more great is she doesn’t know we’re bringing you.  She just knows it’s me and Cousin Larry coming.”  Balki said.

“That will be a surprise for her.”  Kelsey said.

“Speaking of surprises, I have one for you.”  Balki said.

“What is it?!”  Kelsey said excitedly.

Balki reached into his bag and pulled out the pink vest.  “This is for you.”  Balki said.

“Oh!”  Kelsey said as she gasped at the vest.  “Balki this is beautiful!  Where did you get this?”  Kelsey asked.

“I made it myself.”  Balki said.

“You made this?”  Kelsey asked in awe.

“I actually made it all last night.  I thought since you’re in Mypos you should dress like the Mypiots.”  Balki said.

“Thank you Balki. I’ll put it on now.”  Kelsey said as she took the vest and put it on.

“Do you like it?”  Balki asked.

“Oh Balki I love it!”  Kelsey said.

They continued to ride in the carriage.  They reached a building that similar to a castle made out of bricks.  The carriage stopped in front of it.  

“Balki is this where you live?”  Kelsey asked.

“Well of course not, don’t be ridiculous.  This is the home of King Ferdinand.”  Balki said.

“I’m going to meet the king!  I’m not dressed to meet the king.  My hair doesn’t look right!  My make-up doesn’t look right!  I need to-!”  Kelsey said as she went into a panic mode.

Balki had to calm her down.  “Kelsey, Kelsey, Kelsey it’s okay, you are in perfect attire to meet the king.”  Balki said.

“Really?”  Kelsey said.  “Yes.  King Ferdinand maybe a king, but he is not King Henry VIII.  Now come on.”  Balki said as he extended his hand out to help her off the carriage.

“Okay.”  Kelsey said as she took a deep breath and took his hand and hopped off the carriage.

“Come on Cousin, you too.  It’s been a while since you’ve seen old King Ferdgney.”  Balki said.

“Oh alright.”  Larry said as she climbed down and rubbed the soreness from his behind.

There were guards standing at the gate.  Balki talked to them in Myposian.  They stepped aside and allowed the trio to walk in.  “Wow!  Balki you have a way of getting in anywhere here.”  Kelsey said being impressed.

Balki said waving his hand away from the compliment, “Well I am no famous Hollywood star like Bronson Pinchot.”

They continued to walk up the walkway and into the castle.  “Wwow!”  Kelsey said as she looked around and her voice echoed throughout the castle.  “So where is the king?”  She asked.\

“He comes down when I do this.”  Balki let out a big whistle.  Just then a heavy-set man wearing elaborate Myposian clothing and a flowing robe came down the stairs.  He slowly walked toward the trio and stopped where they were standing.  Balki walked up to him then threw himself flat on the floor in front of him.

“You may speak.”  King Ferdinand said.

Balki got up on his knees and held his hands in a prayer position and said in a trembling voice, “It is wonderful to be back in your presence, Your Gratuitousness.”

King Ferdinand then allows Balki to kiss his hand and he slaps him across the face lightly twice before lifting his foot for Balki to kiss.  He then takes Balki’s hand and pulls him to his feet and they begin an elaborate dance.  Kelsey looked at Larry with a puzzled look on her face.  Larry just shook his head with a look of “I don’t know what to say.”  Balki and King Ferdinand finished dancing and stand in a soldier position with his hands behind his back.  “Your Gratuitousness, you remember my Cousin Larry.”  Balki said.

“Nice to see you again King Ferdinand.”  Larry said as he extended his hand out.

“Cousin you didn’t give the proper greeting to the King!”  Balki said scolding Larry.

“Uh Balki the King and I have reached an agreement where I don’t have to that.”  Larry said.

“It’s wonderful to see you as well, Larry.”  King Ferdinand said.  “And who is this?”  King Ferdinand asked as he walked down the line.

“Your Gratuitousness, this is Kelsey Brighton.”  Balki said introducing Kelsey.

“Ahh so this is Kelsey, I’ve heard so much about you.”  King Ferdinand said.

“Please to make your acquaintance sir.”  Kelsey said as she extended her skirt out to do a curtsy.  Balki and King Ferdinand looked at her with a shocked look on their faces.  Kelsey looked up to see them looking at her funny.  “Why are you looking at me like that?”  She asked.

“Kelsey what are you doing?”  Balki asked in a surprised tone.

“I’m showing my respect to the king by doing a curtsy.”  Kelsey explained.  “Did I do something wrong?”  She asked.

“Yeah when you do that you’re telling the king you want to challenge him in a pie-eating contest.”  Balki explained.

“Oh no, I don’t want to do that.  Well how am I suppose to greet the king then?”  Kelsey asked.

“The same way I just did.”  Balki said.

“Uhhh…”  Kelsey said with a puzzled look on her face.

Just when Kelsey was about to do the greeting Larry interjected, “Uh Balki I think King Ferdinand can exempt Kelsey from the greeting.”

“So this is Kelsey.”  King Ferdinand said stepping up to her.

“Y-yes sir.  Kelsey said nervously.

“I’ve heard so much about you.”  King Ferdinand said again.

“You have?”  Kelsey asked.

“Yes, Balki has told me so much about you and what he has said is true.  A charming lady you are.”  King Ferdinand said.

“Well thank you, Your Majesty.”  Kelsey said bashfully.

“Kelsey is here filming a documentary about Mypos.”  Balki explained.

“Oh excellent.  That sounds wonderful.  Well let me know if you need anything while you’re here.”  King Ferdinand said.

“Well actually Your Majesty do you mind if I get some footage of your castle for the documentary?”  Kelsey asked.

“Well of course.  Help yourself.”  King Ferdinand said.

“Okay, thanks!”  Kelsey said as she dashed off to get footage of the castle.

“Uh Balki, may I speak with you for a moment?”  King Ferdinand asked as he pulled Balki off to the side.

“Sure Your Gratuitousness.”  Balki said as he did his ritual respect to the king.

King Ferdinand pulled Balki to his feet.  “You were right, she is absolutely gorgeous!”  King Ferdinand said.

Balki said waving his hand away from the compliment, “Ohhh! Tell me something I don’t know!”

“You know I can see her running Mypos with when you take heir to throne or even being Mrs. Bartokomous.”  King Ferdinand brought up.

“Well we are just taking it one foot at a time.”  Balki said.

“Well she is definitely a keeper.  As the old Myposian saying goes, ‘You don’t find one like that in every flock.’”  King Ferdinand stated.

“Larry isn’t this wonderful?”  Kelsey said excitedly as she ran over to Larry with the camera in her hand.  “I mean I’m getting all this wonderful footage of a Myposian castle.”

“Yes, yes, it’s all so very wonderful.”  Larry said in a not-as-excited tone with his arms folded.

“O-kay.”  Kelsey said as she walked away from Larry.

Balki then dropped to King Ferdinand’s feet.  “Well Your Gratuitousness we have to get going.  It’s getting late and Mama is expecting us.  I’m so excited to surprise her with Kelsey.”  Balki said.

King Ferdinand pulled Balki to his feet once again.  “Oh yes, you don’t want to keep Mama Bartokomous waiting.  What mode of transportation do you have?”  King Ferdinand asked.

“We have a carriage outside waiting for us.”  Balki said.

“Oh no, no, take my personal, royal carriage.  My royal subject will take you any place you need to go during your visit here.  I will take care of the carriage outside.”  King Ferdinand said.

“Oh thank you Your Gratuitousness.”  Balki said.

“Here is 500 dig-das from the royal treasury in case you want to the lady somewhere special or for souvenirs.”  King Ferdinand offered.

“Oh Your Gratuitousness you are too kind.”  Balki said.  “Well we better get going.  It was great to see you and thank you again.”

“No problem.  Have a good time.”  King Ferdinand said as he waved to the trio.

The trio walked out and saw King Ferdinand’s carriage waiting for them.  “Balki where is our carriage?  Kelsey asked.

“King Ferdinand is letting us use his personal carriage during our visit here.  We have our own mood of transportation to take us anywhere at anytime we want.”  Balki explained.

“I think you mean ‘mode’ of transportation.”  Kelsey said correcting Balki.

The trio walked to their new mode of transportation.  It was much nicer than the other carriage they were in.  It was very royal looking.  It had a canopy covering the overhead, cushioned seats, tinted windows, a snack bar; it even had a GPS system.  They climbed in.  “Wwow!”  Balki said as he looked around.  Larry and Kelsey followed behind and got settled in.  Then the driver climbed in and Balki told him where to take them in Myposian.  The carriage then pulled off.

“So how did you enjoy King Ferdinand?”  Balki asked.

“He is wonderful!  One of the nicest kings I have ever met, considering he is only king I have ever met.”  Kelsey thought.

“I told you he was nice and you were so worried.”  Balki teased.

“Well it’s not everyday you meet a king of royalty.”  Kelsey said.  “I haven’t been in Mypos a full day yet and I am already getting wonderful footage for the documentary.”

“And it’s just getting started.”  Balki said.  Balki then turned to Larry.  “Cousin how did you enjoy seeing old Fergny?”

“It was a wonderful enjoyment, an enjoyment I could’ve enjoyed at home over the phone.”  Larry said in the same attitude he’s been having ever since he left Chicago.  Kelsey just sighed with annoyance of Larry’s attitude and just looked out the window.  Balki then just turned around in silence.  The trio rode the rest of the way in silence.

Continue . . . .